Hi. I'm CrypticCatalyst, previously BlazingFlames22. So yeah. Uh, welcome to my profile page!

THIS IS MY ALL-TIME DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING. EVERYTHING I DO FANFICTIONS OFF OF BELONGS TO THEIR RESPECTIVE AUTHORS.

I'm part of many fandoms, including but not limited to: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and the Olympians (and all story arcs that succeed it, like Heroes of Olympus), The Mortal Instruments, Artemis Fowl, Warriors, Hunger Games, Divergent, Doctor Who, yadda yadda, I'll stop my rambling.

OTPs: Solangelo, Caleo, Drarry, and Malec

{9 plus 10 does equal 21! 3x3=9, 2x5=10, and 3x2=6 while 3x5=15. 6 plus 15=21. Copy and paste this on your profile if this exploded your head.}

Now some randomness:

o()xxx[{00000000000 MY SWORD SAYS HELLO

Person: Hola!

Spanish person: *speaks fast mad spanish*

Person: DUDE SLOW DOWN! DORA DIDN'T TEACH ME THAT YET!

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things.
Sincerely, 7

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Impossible,
Screw you. I just made a campfire underwater.
Sincerely,
Spongebob

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

Nope, can't go to Hell. Satan still has that restraining order against me...

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I am so talented I can fall up the stairs, trip on flat surfaces, and get hit by a parked car. Aren't I just amazing?

Whatever it is, I didn't do it. Unless I was supposed to do it, in which case I did it brilliantly.

I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away.

There are very few problems that can not be solved using a large amount of explosives.

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Copy and paste if you're still waiting for your Hogwarts letter to arrive, the owl just just got lost...

Magnus Bane, sparklier than Edward since the 13th Century.

If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.

Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed, Proceed With Caution."

Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say 'YOU'RE IT!!' and then run away.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and yell "I want oranges!".

!eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

Do you know that the average American reads only three books a year? If you believe that it's not possible to read so little, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you’re part of the .0000001 percent of people who don't have a MySpace, copy this into your profile. (Sigh, this was before my time)

One day we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Old enough to know better, young enough not to care.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

The words 'Can you get up and do this simple thing for me?' never seem to register in my brain.

Deja vu- When you've done something you think you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends to see.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

I am a book addict and proud of it! If you are, then copy and paste this on your profile page.

WiseOne27

SeaweedBrain013/Sebz

CloudyAlore/Faye

XxxBeLLxXxGiRlxxX76/Bells

xXthe shadow huntressxX

annapercy1

Hula

The New Ace of Spies

7Cerberus7

Storyteller-221/Kali Lennor

AthenaPersephone14

Laserfire

PoseidonChick101

ArabellaVioletGray

AnnabethIsTheBest

GothicNicoLuver

WelshGirl4life

Lukercy555

XxWarriorsrockxX

Tazmaster

Clarisse Daughter Of Ares

wisegirl416

catsrawesome

BlazingFlames22

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, mp3 players, cars, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The pahomoneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that, put it it your profile.

The 27 Commandments of Fanfiction (Which I will sometimes break, because rebellion makes me feel special even though I am nothing but a speck in the oceans of time and space)

1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fanfiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it.

2.Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses.

3.Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story.

4.Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting.

5.Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly.

6.Apply the above number 5 to POVs as well.

7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fanfiction. It probably is rather hilarious.

8.Thou shalt not use , ;, or :( in a fanfiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character.

9.Thou shall try-eth to keep characters in character!

10.Thou shall not treat every criticism as a flame.

11.The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.

12.Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary.

13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length.

14. Thou shall not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character- yes we know that you are in love with yourself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character.

15.If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning.

16.Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason).

17.Thou shalt show and not tell.

18.Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers.

19.Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est- writing is an art.

20.Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise.

21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody or b) find a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader.

22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed.

23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason.

24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep.

25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story.

26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside.

27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

7 Ways to scare your roommates

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you're hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you're not paying attention when the teacher is rambling and you think of something funny from the other day that you don't realize is funny til that moment and you burst into hysterical laughter and the entire class turns around and stares at you and you look the other way and pretend you don't notice. Crazy is when you star in your own movie and pretend to be an assassin... multiple times. Crazy is when you scream for no reason or sing nursery rymes. Crazy is when you have a post-book comatose state after reading a book and then half an hour later are spouting off random qoutes, character facts and character descriptions to people you know don't give a fuck. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLEN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLEN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.I'm

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? (WHAT SORT OF TEACHER ASKS THIS?)
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of
Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...?)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause
drowsiness."
(And I am taking this...because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)

On packet of Nobbys'
Peanuts:-
"Warning: contains nuts."
(But peanuts are legumes…)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

Emmet Cullen: Creepier Than You Since 1916

Jasper Hale: More Manipulative Than You Since 1843

Alice Cullen: More Irritating Than You Since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Bigger Bitch Than You Since 1916

Edward Cullen: More of a Pedophilic Rapist-Stalker Than You Since 1901

Bella Swan: More of a Mary Sue Than You Since 1988

You know how Edward knocked up a girl 1/5 his age? Yeah, that's disgusting. Oh, and also physically impossible. 'Cause he's dead. Men don't produce sperm when they're dead.

You know how Jacob made out with Bella against her will? Yeah, that's sexual assault. It's illegal.

You know how Edward followed Bella around and snuck into her bedroom to watch her sleep for several months without her knowledge? Yeah, that's stalking. It's illegal too.

You know how Bella screwed a dead guy? That's called necrophilia. Technically bestiality too, since he's not human. Both are highly frowned upon.

*FOOTNOTE* If you're actually here reading this, thanks for bothering. I'm a huge procrastinator, school's been hectic along with my extracurricular activities, but rest be assured I will never go on a PERMANENT Hiatus. Sorry if you're still waiting for me to get my shit together.