As Agent Coulson had promised, there was already a very detailed email in my inbox containing instructions of what to do each day of the week, so the next day I got up at the indicated time to have the indicated breakfast, which It wasn't bad at all, but it was too much food for me. Each activity on the list had a specific time I had to respect, so after the forty minutes I had for breakfast since I woke up, I quickly got dressed and went out to meet the car that was meant to take me to the Triskelion. The driver, George, a tall, serious-faced young man wearing a black suit and sunglasses, introduced himself and opened the door for me, proceeding in the same way when we reached the central building. I nervously walked towards the reception, fearing that my pass would not work or that there was some mistake that would prevent me from getting to the twenty-second floor on time, but, fortunately, none of that happened. There was no problem at the reception desk and when I placed my pass on the elevator reader, it slid its doors easily. I sighed satisfied.
Agent Hill was waiting for me outside the first lab she had shown me the day before, looking at her watch and then watching me walk unhurriedly down the hall. I was arriving on time. I smiled to myself.
Hill pushed open the door with her thumbprint and we entered the lab where I awkwardly followed her downstairs. The light was dim and there was already a team waiting for us.
"I have found out that we will spend a season together. I'm Dr. Streiten" I was greeted jovially by an older man, with dark skin and gray hair, wearing a white coat with the SHIELD logo and a friendly smile. I greeted him with a handshake and after giving me an overview of other scientists on the team he explained the corresponding procedure.
That is how I was prostrate in a recliner throughout the morning and a while after noon, electrodes on my head and face, connected to different machines, answering different questions (about my family, my tastes, about specific memories) , recognizing objects with closed eyes and drawing according to the instructions given to me. Several scientists stayed downstairs with me while Hill climbed onto one of the platforms to work on multiple computers at once. Dr. Streiten came and went from place to place.
Not a single part of the procedure required any effort on my part. There was a particularly tense moment, where a scientist started asking me questions about the Cullens, and I naturally became noticeably nervous, so much that Agent Hill ordered them to move to another category. Apparently my nervousness was interfering with the results. I wanted to apologize, but the truth was that Maria Hill scared me as hell, so I suppressed the urge to please her very easily.
I couldn't ingest anything but water during testing, so by the time I was released, I was starving. Luckily there was Phil Coulson.
It took me a while to see it clearly, the bright light from the hallway that entered through the tall glass windows forced itself into my retinas accustomed to the darkness of the interior, blinding me briefly.
Coulson wore a light gray suit, red tie, sunglasses, and a friendly expression. In one of his hands, a transparent container with what I could see was the food that I had to eat for lunch. I gave him a broad smile before greeting him and we headed to his office for a leisurely lunch. I wasn't supposed to be in the complex's gym until three, so I had a bit of time. His office was on the tenth floor, a medium-sized room with little furniture and the same huge windows that covered the entire building, through which you could see the wonderful expanse of the city. I stood in front of them, lost in thought for a moment.
"How was it?" Coulson wanted to know as he sat down at his desk and motioned me to take a seat in the opposite chair. I sat down and placed the container on the free surface as he handed me disposable silverware and unwrapped a sandwich that looked great. My food looked good too, but I would have preferred a sandwich like Phil's instead of steak with salad and seeds.
"Very good. I didn't really have to do much" I said, starting to cut the meat.
"You have it easy for now" he agreed.
As I chewed my food, I absentmindedly looked around the office, seeing little personal effects or decorations. A picture with a medal caught my attention.
"How long have you worked here?" I asked curious.
"Since the early nineties" he answered before taking a bite of his sandwich.
"Did you always want to do this?"
Coulson smiled in amusement.
"Actually, I wanted to work at the CIA. But here between us" he whispered theatrically "they are all propaganda, there is no action"
I laughed happily. It was easy to talk to him, in every conversation we had had so far, he had always adopted a calm, impassive posture that inexorably exuded calm around him.
Well, almost always. I remembered the incident in the hallway of the complex and narrowed my eyes, wanting to annoy him a bit.
"What exactly happened yesterday?"
"You mean when you tripped on a flat surface dragging me along with you in the process?" He asked unperturbed, taking a bite of his sandwich.
He knew exactly what I meant, he just wanted to buy time.
Despite the fire on my cheeks, I continued.
"I'm talking about ... Captain America? I think you called him"
He kept ignoring me.
"You looked like Bambi in front of his father" I said, making a face.
Phil laughed out loud first, only to be outraged later.
"I should end this conversation here just because you don't know who Captain America is"
"Of course I know. It's a cartoon" I replied. He opened his eyes, unable to believe what he was hearing.
"I'll only forgive you because you're extremely young" he said, pointing a finger at me. "Captain America was the first super soldier in history, hence he is painted as a superhero nowadays" he continued; the tone of admiration in his voice was unmistakable.
I tried to contain my surprise.
"Super soldier? How? Radioactive spiders and stuff? "I painfully suppressed the memory of a similar conversation.
"A radioactive spider would have been easier" he said reluctantly. Suddenly he seemed nervous? or at least not as calm as when I flattered him in my mind.
Leaving the most interesting conversation of my life hurt even physically, but I respected Agent Coulson too much to insist on this. His comment had been quite blunt to tell the truth.
I stared at my food for a second before taking a bite back, chewing slowly trying to remember how my usual question was going. I remembered it a moment later.
If werewolves, vampires, and government super spies exist, why couldn't superheroes exist too? How quickly I had to modify that question this time! I wondered how many times I should redo it before finishing the investigation. I shrugged and continued to eat lunch casually while Coulson laughed.
It wasn't until we were in the elevator that he dared to scold me.
"Bella, Agent Hill contacted me this morning, concerned about your behavior in relation to the Cullens"
I looked at my clasped hands as I felt the blush cover my face, avoiding his gaze.
"I can't believe she ratted on me", I murmured.
I heard the smile in his voice when he spoke again.
"Agent Hill is a perfectionist, she just wants to do her job well. We have already discussed this. No one is going to cause trouble for the Cullens. They are vampires. Big deal. There are worse things out there and that's why we need this to go well"
My eyes were wide when I heard him say the word, still avoiding looking at him. Both had been playing the same breakout game every time sensitive issues were touched and I understood perfectly that he wasn't losing, he was very aware that he was making a concession, a truce. My respect for him increased considerably. He sighed and spoke again.
"Your loyalty is the last thing I would interfere with, Bella. I'm just asking that you trust me"
I finally looked up to meet his frank eyes. I nodded firmly.
"Of course" I promised him and he smiled pleased.
He left the elevator on the fifth floor and I continued to meet George outside the building, the car was ready to take me back to the complex. It was strange having some kind of… chauffeur. The word felt out of place in my mind. It was ridiculous, I knew how to drive, why did I need to depend on someone every time I wanted to leave the apartment? On second thought, George was only there to make the round trip from the complex to the Triskelion. The idea of having a bit of freedom to get to know the city put me in a good mood. But it vanished when I got to the apartment and checked the email one more time. It would be a miracle to find free time to roam the streets of New York in my seemingly tight schedule of activities.
I changed from the clothes I was wearing to a sports outfit that I found in the second drawer of the large closet, consisting of long leggings and a top, a pretty revealing outfit. I was a bit uncomfortable so I pulled on a white cotton T-shirt and left the apartment, trudging toward the gym. I was on time and Vivian, my personal trainer, politely introduced herself. She was a woman in her forties, with a weathered face and a friendly smile that generated constant confusion in my mind. She proceeded to explain to me how we were going to work and was very patient with each exercise. Like everyone in SHIELD, she had the summary of my entire life, or at least the one corresponding to my physical abilities.
The training was not painful, what did hurt were the blows that I generated trying to do them. Luckily Vivian had exercises for my lack of balance.
It was a relief that the gym was nearly empty, just a girl running on a treadmill and a man hitting a punching bag the three hours we were there. It wasn't until I was leaving with Vivian (who kept giving me directions on stretching exercises) that I realized it was Captain Rogers. Curiosity stinged so despite the fatigue I was carrying, the first thing I did when I returned to the apartment was to Google his name. What world did I live in? How was it possible that all this information was on Google and I was not aware of anything? Rogers even had movies in his honor!
The title "Super Soldier Serum During World War II" only triggered more questions.
It wasn't until the weight of my eyelids made it impossible to continue reading that I turned off the computer, a little paranoid that SHIELD was viewing my searches (which was probably true anyway).
I made dinner and ate too tired to think of anything other than avoiding choking.
I got into the shower and the day took its toll as soon as the hot water touched the nakedness of my body. I tried to put on an old T-shirt on the way to bed and as soon as I rested my head on the pillow, I fell into a deep sleep, staring at green forests, black sunglasses and tormented blue eyes behind a round and shiny shield.
The weeks went by without me really noticing, replicating that first day over and over again. I would wake up at the same time every day, have breakfast, George would take me to SHIELD, where I would spend approximately eight hours being a volunteer rat lab. The first few days had been easy, too easy to be true. It turned out that they were routine tests, they were studying my normal development in order to establish parameters for the future. And the future hurted ...
The first tests that I classified as painful included electric shocks in different parts of my body, the intensity of which increased over the days.
Other tests were painful in a different sense of the word, a thousand times more poignant. They asked me about the relationship I had with Edward, they asked me to describe him, to tell how I had met him, the way I had fallen in love with him, what I had felt when I had discovered his secret, to talk about the time we were apart, to describe the conversation in which he left me, the trip to Italy, the experience with the Volturi. They inquired about my motivations for becoming immortal and even asked me why I had rejected Edward's marriage proposal.
I too would have liked to have the answer to all those questions.
I was able to answer most of them calmly and in an orderly manner, but when faced with some cruder questions, my voice cracked and it was difficult for me to breathe. Despite that I did not stop at any time, but I had to admit that I did not have an answer for some of his questions.
My relationship with Hill had… progressed. I came to understand that her coldness was not personal and that her work was her priority. She wasn't a woman of many words, so I appreciated the times she offered me a coffee before starting or when she stopped certain interviews, very aware of my discomfort.
There were two moments of the day that I looked forward to every time I opened my eyes. One was the usual lunch with Coulson, which had begun to take place in different restaurants and cafes in the city (a gesture from the agent when he heard me reflect aloud about not being able to know the city), where I would asked him a lot of questions and he would answer what he could, avoiding the others very diplomatically. Natasha used to join in when she was not on a mission that I had no idea about and was not so diplomatic avoiding questions. Or asking them.
The other time was when I was training in the gym. Clearly it was not because I had suddenly grown fond of the exercise, although I had improved markedly in recent times, but because it was the place where I could see the Captain up close.
That was another thing that had become everyday in my life as well: being obsessed with Steve Rogers. Every day after training I went deep into the web to try to collect all the information that was available. And every time I did, hundreds of doors opened with more puzzles around SHIELD. Of course, nothing really important could be posted online, but I did add them to the arsenal of questions I had for Coulson. Surprisingly, he answered them all. I suspected it was more his fanaticism for Captain Rogers than my persuasive devices, but no one could prevent me from dreaming about it.
That was another important topic, dreams. They were getting more and more complicated and took a lot of my energy. To avoid thinking about possible explanations, I used to attribute it to the investigation procedures. But it didn't always work.
Dreams with Edward were the most painful. We had talked several times since I had moved to New York, sometimes several hours, making me go to bed later and more tired. We had not discussed the situation in the forest, and we had barely touched on the subject of my decision to participate in the investigation, but we never discussed what it meant for both of us. My world expanded with each passing day, and I was no longer so sure of some decisions that I believed were immovable in the past. Of course I still loved him, I didn't think it was possible for me to ever stop doing it, but I couldn't help but think that maybe this was what Edward was referring to when he talked about how I should know the world before making any hasty decisions. I shook my head, trying to eliminate those unpleasant thoughts. First, he would never have contemplated this… extraordinary situation when making that statement, and second, I couldn't have those thoughts today.
Almost from the beginning, Dr Streiten and Agent Hill had made it clear to me that all the tests, both physical and mental, had been designed to adequately prepare me for the Beta Test, the first procedure where they would record the activity of my mind in order to replicate what they found on a device that expanded any response, no matter how small.
That day I left the building like every day, greeting Jeff, the doorman, with familiarity. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that it wasn't George who was waiting for me with the car door open, but Coulson.
"To what do I owe the honor?" I asked, smiling as I slipped into the car.
"Not every day people invest millions of dollars in one"
I was startled to hear Natasha's seductive voice coming from the passenger seat.
Coulson moved to my side, closed the door, and motioned for George to drive
"What are you doing here?" I asked, smiling, excited. A second later I frowned and replied, "What do you mean by millions of dollars?"
Romanoff batted her lashes and looked straight ahead, her back to me. Coulson snorted next to me.
"I know today is the Beta Test. I just wanted to say hi"
"Almost like the first day of preschool" Natasha added, still without turning around. George chuckled.
"Don't pay any attention to her" Coulson urged me, "she is also wrong, millions are invested in you every day" he finished with a wide smile.
"You're not helping" I muttered, suddenly feeling all the weight of the past five months.
"Bella, calm down. Everything will be alright. You've been preparing for this for almost half a year. You have done more difficult things than this"
"Like your three months without tripping record" Romanoff yelled over the sound of a truck passing us.
"She's the one who's not helping",Coulson said disapprovingly.
"I have no idea what I've been preparing for!" I half yelled, ignoring Natasha's comment.
Coulson took me by the shoulders gently.
"Bella, calm down. I know you will do well. And if there is a little, tiny chance it doesn't turn out the way we expected, we'll have your back" he promised with a smile.
"Now you why I am here" Nat said, turning to wink at me.
I started counting in my mind in an attempt to control my heavy breathing.
When they hooked me to new machines in a Gessel chamber behind which I knew Fury, Coulson, and management agents I didn't know were found, I missed the security the old twenty-second floor offered me. I felt exposed in a thousand different ways, but above everything else, the sports bra and shorts I was wearing weren't helping. I had several reflectors pointed at me and my hands were tied with straps.
I squeezed my eyes shut when a spotlight above me blinded me. I could hear my heart in my ears and felt it pounding hard against my chest. A soft hand held mine tightly for a second. I turned and squinted to see who it was.
"We're about to start Bella. How do you feel?"
So I had to be this vulnerable for Maria Hill to act like a human. I barely smiled.
"Right now? Absolutely lost" I said. She understood immediately and I saw the corners of her lips lift.
"She is perfectly fine, let's get started!".She put me glasses very similar to virtual reality and I heard her leave the camera, leaving me completely alone.
I waited for the stream of images that told me to wait.
An uncontrolled stream of images flooded my consciousness, leaving a stinging trail in its wake and seizing the air. I clenched my hands into a fist.
Charlie being hunted by Victoria, entirely defenseless, losing a battle that never had another outcome. I could smell the forest, hear Charlie's clumsy footsteps, his heavy breathing, his hands clutching a weapon that would be useless. I screamed in despair when Victoria caught up with him.
Suddenly I was in a windowless room, with a worn hardwood floor and damp walls. The door opened to admit two men in white, dragging a heavy machine. I heard the agonizing whisper of a small woman on the back stretcher, the lost blue eyes returned to reality to look around with horror. I recognized her right away and ran to help her, but someone was holding my hands, forcing me to look.
Alice screamed heartbreakingly every time the voltage was turned up, crying out to be allowed to die. My scream was an echo of her, until I felt my vocal cords being ripped apart and carried away.
I caught a glimpse of Edward in the distance and ran to him to ask him to help me rescue Alice, but he began to speak darkly, oblivious to my despair. Over and over he repeated the words that had destroyed me once in the past, helding me in a hellish loop. As I fell to my knees on the ground, I saw the scene change. Now I was slumped on cold white marble, with Edward in the same position as me, his face haggard with pain. His eyes were closed and he didn't seem to register my presence.
I felt my entire body rip apart when Aro dismembered him. Then Caius tore his head off looking me straight in the eyes, smiling cynically. The emptiness in my chest trembled with agony and something else, something I couldn't describe and that burned me in a way I'd never experienced.
I couldn't tell if it was thirty seconds or a whole century of suffering, but I couldn't take it any longer and I gave in to the growing fire in my chest, feeling it spread throughout my body the second I accepted it. I could hear the sound of crystals, alarms and voices giving orders in the distance, but I was beginning to fight the heat of darkness that was making its way inside me.
One last image crept into my eyelids, a man with light hair and blue eyes looking at me uncertainly. Steve Rogers was sitting in the corner, cowering in defeat in the face of a menacing shadow. He looked up at me and I could see tears running down his disfigured and bloody face. I screamed one last time and let myself be consumed by the ember that gushed from my chest.