AN: Finally, Bella is looking for Edward.

Thanks to my lovely ladies MeteorOnAMoonlessNight, Midnight Cougar and ghostreader24 for always being there for me through thick and thin. I love you all.

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Deceit and Destiny Chapter 31

As the rest of the day passed, Connor seemed a little quieter than usual. Wednesday went by calmly, too, with Connor and me spending lots of time together. He'd stopped asking about Jake's whereabouts after dinnertime on Monday; though, sadly, he didn't often question his absence, anyway.

By the end of the week, Connor had mostly returned to his cheerful, outgoing self with only the occasional sign that what happened was still on his mind. We helped Mom in the backyard, where she planted some shrubs and mowed the grass, and Dad took him fishing as always.

As Shelly had predicted, Connor had woken a number of times between Tuesday and Friday night, but all I could get out of him was that he didn't want Jake to hurt me. He did fall back to sleep quickly, and my disturbed sleep was worth being able to assure him I was fine.

On Saturday, I treated him to another trip to the beach and the rock pools, eating pizza and ice cream for lunch more times than was good for him, but I felt as if I somehow had to make up for the situation.

After spending a few hours searching rock pools for sea life, shells, and rocks, we headed to the small beach café, taking a seat outside. I wanted to talk to Connor about what he'd said to Shelly, so with ice cream sundaes in front of us, I broached the subject.

"Connor?" I began. "Are you okay about speaking to Mrs. Cope? Is there anything you want to talk to me about?"

"She's a nice lady; her name is Shelly. She gave me toys to play with and let me color some pictures."

"That was nice. What did you talk about?"

"We talked about Daddy and the new baby. She asked if I wanted a brother or a sister, and I said I didn't want a sister because Matthew said they were too annoying."

"What about Daddy?"

"I told her Daddy was really, really angry when he asked what the stick was for—you know, the one I found in the bathroom waste bin?"

"Yes, I remember."

"He kept using bad words and made a mess in the kitchen, then he broke the window in the living room." Connor stopped eating for a moment and looked up at me. "Momma? I didn't like it when Daddy hurt you, and you were crying. I told the lady I was scared Daddy was going to hurt you and I tried to stop him, then he pushed me away."

I put my arm around him and hugged him close to me. "You were a very brave boy. I'm so proud of you."

"Yes, and I said I called Nana and Pops to come and help. Then Uncle Emmett came, too. Why did Daddy hit Uncle Emmett, Momma?"

"He was just angry and upset. You know Daddy didn't mean to hurt me or Uncle Emmett, don't you, Connor?"

He nodded vigorously and went back to eating his ice cream. "I told Shelly, Daddy broke the rules, so Uncle Emmett had to arrest him and take him to the police station."

"That's right; you shouldn't hit people, should you?"

"No, you should put them in time-out or tell them they can't do something they really want to do."

I grinned, knowing he was referring to the last time I told him he couldn't go to Matthew's house for a sleepover. He didn't say anything more about Sunday, Shelly, or Jake, and we made our way home a little later.

~ oOo ~

After my conversation with Connor, I was so angry and disappointed with Jake's behavior I didn't think I could keep my mouth shut, so I was glad he was unable to contact me. I needed time to process everything Connor had said.

With Jake out on bail, I did want to talk to him about the house, the divorce, and Connor, I just wasn't sure of the ramifications of speaking to him while the order was still in place.

First, I needed to know what Jake wanted. Did he even want to be Connor's dad? How would that work with the protection order? Would he contest the divorce? I really hoped not, because I didn't want to put Connor through a nasty custody battle. But I would never forgive myself if I didn't do as much as possible to keep my son with me.

But today, with Connor out with Dad, and Mom at a local craft market, I had a few hours to spare. I decided it was time I started searching for a way to make contact with the father of my baby—Edward.

A new baby! Every time I thought about the new life growing inside me, I felt a quiver of excitement, although that was usually followed by sadness. Edward should be here; he should be involved. I knew he loved babies by the way he spoke of his job.

His name brought memories to the surface, but no matter how furious he'd be with me over my lies, he deserved to know he was going to be a father, and it had to be done soon. As it was, my family, Jess, and now Jake—even though he didn't know who the father was—already knew I was expecting a baby before Edward would find out.

Firing up my laptop, I fetched a notepad and pen. However, when I started making a list of the things I knew about Edward, I found it wasn't much—in fact, it was a pitifully small list.

I knew he'd finished his residency and was planning to work at the same hospital where he'd completed his residency. Unfortunately, I had no idea which hospital that was; only that it was in San Francisco.

Not knowing his surname was going to make it very difficult, and with hindsight, I wished I'd made an effort to find out more about him when we were together. At the time, it hadn't seemed important, and if I was truly honest with myself, I'd been too concerned with hiding my truths from him.

He had a friend named Garrett, and his parents lived in Sacramento. That was the total of my knowledge, and it wasn't much.

Nevertheless, I started with a list of hospitals in the San Francisco area. That search gave me twenty-seven. I began by checking through the lists of doctors on each of the hospital's websites, but not all of them had pictures, and some didn't have any details.

When that proved fruitless, the next step was to call each one with an obstetrics or labor and delivery ward. I felt stupid asking if they had a doctor by the name of Edward working there, and more than one of them hung up on me. The others simply said they couldn't give out that sort of information, and I could hardly blurt out I was pregnant with this man's baby but had no idea of his full name.

Making tea, I prepared myself for an afternoon of working through every combination of Edward and each of the San Francisco hospitals. I didn't have much hope, but there was always an outside chance of finding something that would lead me to him.

An initial Google search of a combination of Edward and doctor and San Francisco hospitals brought up forty-eight thousand results. It just wasn't possible for me to go through all of them, so with a little change, asking for those with pictures reduced the results, and on the second page, I found what I was looking for—and I almost wished I hadn't.

Under the headline of a gala, I found Edward Cullen. He was a doctor at the California Pacific Medical Center; the article was from a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, the tall, beautiful blonde on his arm looked as if she belonged there. I remembered him telling me he'd broken up with his girlfriend, so it looked like he'd already moved on.

The caption underneath the picture said:

Dr. Edward Cullen and girlfriend, Tanya Denali, attended the San Francisco Annual Summer Ball, to raise funds for the California Pacific Medical Center—this year for its pediatric intensive-care unit and its innovative research program.

An involuntary gasp left me and my heart clenched. For a second, I couldn't breathe. Tears pricked at my eyes as my gaze roamed over every inch of the picture of Edward. Even though it was black and white, my memory filled in the color of his eyes, and his hair. His jaw was covered in that designer stubble I remembered so well rubbing against the soft skin on my inner thighs.

"Fuck," I whispered to myself.

It's too late and it's your own fault; you should have spoken to him when he texted, called, and left messages repeatedly.

Despite the illogicality of my inner thoughts, the idea that he'd met someone new broke my heart. It meant there wasn't a chance he could ever be mine; he belonged to someone else now.

Pushing the laptop away from me, I crossed my arms on the table in front of me and laid my head on them, letting out a stuttering breath. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes at the finality, and I closed them, allowing the drops to fall, soaking the sleeves of my sweater.

My mind filled with images of the time we spent together, and I wondered if I'd ever be able to forget them. I grieved for the loss of a relationship that never was, knowing it was my fault it didn't have a chance. On reflection, maybe we could have made something of it, but after the truth I'd kept from him, he'd never trust me again.

Eventually, I leaned back in my seat, brushing the wet streaks away from my cheeks. No matter how I felt, it was my duty to contact Edward and let him know about the baby. He deserved to know he was to become a father so he could make a decision about his involvement, or not, in this little one's life.

The information I had would be enough for me to call him or at least leave him a message to call me, and I jotted it down on my notepad. Speaking to him would be difficult, but I'd taken the coward's way out once, and I was determined that would be enough for one lifetime.

It was time to let Edward go in my heart and embrace the future with both of my children.

"Good afternoon," I said, when the receptionist at the California Pacific Medical Center answered my late afternoon call. "I'd like to speak to Dr. Edward Cullen, if possible."

"One moment, please." There was a short silence. "I can't trace a number for him on my system. Please hold for a few minutes, and I'll transfer you to Human Resources."

The phone was silent for a few minutes until a different voice spoke. "Human Resources, how can I help you?"

"Good afternoon," I repeated. "I'm trying to locate Dr. Edward Cullen. Would you be able to put me through to him, or his department?"

"Let me check for you." I heard the tapping of keys. "I'm sorry, but Dr. Cullen no longer works here, ma'am."

My heart fell, and I was pretty sure of the answer to my next question, but I had to ask anyway.

"Then, please, is there any chance you could tell me where he's working now? I really need to speak to him, urgently."

The woman wouldn't give me any information, but she agreed to take a message and pass it on should the opportunity arise. I had to be satisfied with that, and closed my laptop.

~ oOo ~

The following morning, Mom and Dad took Connor out on a bike ride with a picnic lunch, so I had some time to myself. Determined to look to the future instead of the past, and with nothing more I could do to contact Edward, I decided today was a good time to schedule my appointment with my doctor. Since I'd already had my ultrasound at the hospital confirming my due date, I wouldn't need an appointment for another month.

"Doctor Gerandy's office. How may I help you?"

"Oh. Good morning, Mrs. Mallory," I said, recognizing the voice of the usual receptionist, who'd been at the medical center as long as I'd lived in Port Angeles. "It's Bella Black. I'm expecting a baby and I've already had an ultrasound at the hospital that confirmed my pregnancy, so I need an appointment in a month. Around the first week of September, if something is available?"

"Morning, Bella. Congratulations on the baby. If you could hold for a moment, I'll check the availability for you."

A minute later, she came back on line. "Dr. Gerandy isn't available after August thirty-first, as he'll be away for three months. We do have an on-call doctor covering for him, so I could fit you in at eleven on September eighth, if that's okay?"

"That's fine, thanks. Can you tell me who the on-call doctor will be?"

"We don't know yet, I'm afraid. Is that okay?"

"No problem, Mrs. Mallory. I'll see you on the eighth."

I finished the call before I remembered I wanted to ask about my Depo-shot and the possible effects on the baby. I decided it wasn't worth calling back and asking for a telephone consultation.

Knowing myself, it would drive me mad if I googled it, so I added a note to my phone to remind myself to ask the doctor later. In the meantime, I could locate the books I'd bought when I was pregnant with Connor. I also needed to stop off at the pharmacy for some prenatal vitamins.

Buoyed up by making my first official doctor's appointment, I felt as if I had a definite direction for my future, and despite what it took to get here, I was excited to take the first steps.

The temporary order Emmett had helped put in place would expire on Monday, so while Connor was out with Mom and Dad, I dialed Jake's cell.

Unfortunately, there was no answer and the call went to voicemail.

"Hi, Jake. Um, we need to talk about the divorce and some other things, so please can you call me back to make arrangements. Thanks."

Having left a message, I sat outside, taking advantage of the warm weather. Jake hadn't returned my call, which I could understand. The order forbade him from contacting me, but I needed to arrange for us to talk.

I called his phone again, once more my call went to voicemail, so instead of leaving another message, I called Embry.

"Bella?" Embry sounded slightly shocked and wary.

"Hi, Embry. Is Jake there with you?"

I had no idea if Jake had told Embry the whole story, though the odd behavior coming from him the day I went to collect my car was now explained as a guilty conscience. I didn't intend to enlighten Embry about what had happened either, unless, of course, I heard of Jake spouting a pack of lies about it.

"Er, Jake?"

"Cut the crap, Embry. I know, all right. Just tell Jake to call me; we have things to discuss."

"Okay, Bella, will do." For a moment, there was silence, and I wondered if we'd been disconnected. When Embry spoke again, his voice was quieter. "And, Bella . . . for what it's worth . . . I'm sorry."

I kind of knew what he was apologizing for, but I suspected most of the secrecy was Jake's doing. Nonetheless, it wasn't my place to comment, so I thanked him and hung up.

Not five minutes later, Jake's number flashed up on my phone.

"What do you want, Bella?"

I raised my eyebrows at his tone of voice but chose not to rise to the bait.

"We need to meet, Jake. There are things to discuss and arrangements to make. I'd prefer, under the circumstances, we do this in a public place. How does Monday lunchtime or after work suit you?"

"Where?" Jake's voice was gruff and didn't invite conversation.

"City Pier, one o'clock?"

"I'll be there."

I found myself listening to dead air as he hung up. I hoped he wasn't going to make this more difficult than it already was.

~ oOo ~