Part 34

"Oh come on Hutch what's your problem?" Starsky complained a few weeks later as he lay slumped on the couch in Hutch's apartment, frail body cloaked in a blanket as he strained to catch a glimpse of his blonde haired partner in the small kitchen behind. He had to shout to make himself heard over the volume of the food blender, as he observed Hutch preparing something disgustingly healthy and tasteless for his breakfast before pouring the sickly green liquid hastily down his throat.

This was the Hutch he knew and remembered.

"I don't need a babysitter Starsk." Hutch sighed as he gently placed the cutlery inside the small sink before proceeding to run the hot tap in prelude to washing up. "Besides you're supposed to be resting, I won't be gone long."

The weeks succeeding Starsky's discharge from hospital, although fraught with much less tension and worry than those prior, had by no means been easy for either of them. Whilst Starsky was now over the worst it was obvious that Hutch was still on the road to recovery – but Starsky was now more assured than ever that they would eventually see each other through.

Captain Dolby had finally agreed to Hutch returning to work. Although the blonde haired Detective still tired easily and therefore required careful watching to ensure that he didn't push himself too hard, or slip back into his previous neglectful habits. Hutch had finally started to put a little weight back on his emaciated bones, and as he slowly grew in both physical strength his strength of mind too had improved. Finally he'd been able to keep enough food down to warrant being taken off the antiemetics.

He was still having to take a lower dosage of sedative to help him sleep, and was now also on a series of vitamin and mineral capsules to supplement his still rather meagre diet. Although still anxious Starsky couldn't help but feel that returning to work for just a couple of days a week was perhaps the best possible therapy for Hutch now, and the most productive use of his time.

Starsky knew that it would be many more months yet before he too would be fit enough to re-join his partner in doing what the duo did best, he still had many sessions of painful physiotherapy to go before he was to be seen well and truly back on his feet. Since being discharged however he had seen Hutch through many restless nights and nightmarish days, during which time he'd had to watch his friend fight a long and difficult battle to find himself well again. Starsky had become very well informed on how to strictly monitor his friends eating patterns, and state of mind, for he still seemed somewhat reluctant to take care of himself – and Hutch still had some bad days during which it seemed almost impossible to get him to eat very much at all – but Starsky still felt more than pleased with what they had both achieved so far.

Even so, as the blonde continued to fuss at his friend's side Starsky couldn't help but think that it would be a long while yet before either of them felt confident about being back out on the streets again, although Starsky knew equally that spending the rest of their working days behind the confines of some stuffy superior's desk was not an option that either of them had ever contemplated either.

"Are you sure you'll be alright whilst I'm out?" Hutch asked. "I know Dolby said that he doesn't want me working a full day today… only a few hours until I finally find my feet again and its only paper work, so I should be home by lunchtime."

"Sounds great." Starsky grinned, "And yes, I'm sure I'll be fine. I was only teasing you earlier."

"You will call if you need anything?" Hutch persisted.

Starsky rolled his eyes in despair, he was beginning to believe that a depressed Hutch wouldn't be half so irritating to live with as this. Even so it was great, and he couldn't deny a huge weight off his mind to have the first signs of his old friend back, even more so, as he so obviously was, relishing in the idea of his pending return to work.

"Look will you just go?" Starsky asked. "I promise you I'll be alright."

'I promise…'

Starsky realised immediately that this had been the wrong thing to say.

Hutch, still rather susceptible to an unpredictable change of mood and prone to melancholic thoughts and bouts of despondency became suddenly very withdrawn and listless at this, and Starsky realised immediately the error in what he had said.

With all that the pair had come through he recognised equally the importance of bringing Hutch back from a similar frame of mind to that which had plagued him so cruelly, and which with these two ill-chosen words spoken in haste he appeared to have momentarily slipped back into now. Starsky quickly attempted to revise his poorly selected turn of phrase.

"Hutch… Hutch look at me." He spoke after a moment, following some brief diplomatic contemplation on how best to now handle the situation. "Hutch… Come on now buddy, snap out of it."

"How can you say such a thing though Starsk? How can you make promises like that so easily after all you've been through?" The blonde questioned despondently in a meek response. "How can you be so self-assured?"

"HUTCH!"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE STARSKY YOU NEARLY DIED!"

"But, you don't need to beat yourself up about that anymore buddy." Starsky remained calm even in light of his partner's sudden outburst, forcing a reassuring smile in his direction as he continued. "It's all over now… we made it partner… we finally made it…"

Starsky was surprised to find tears of relief beginning to well within his own eyes as he said this, Hutch's chest heaving as he too struggled to fight back the salty flow as he made his way slowly over to his friend's side – burring his head deep within the other Detective's shoulder and sobbing heart wrenchingly into his sleeve.

"It's alright partner," Starsky soothed, struggling to swallow the hot lump within his own throat and he placed a reassuring hand upon Hutch's shoulder, gently and calmingly massaging his shivering back. "You just let it all out."

"I thought I'd lost you Starsky." Hutch sobbed, before finally pulling away from his friend's embrace, somewhat calmer than he had been, his eyes bloodshot from his tears.

"I know." Starsky sighed. "I know, but you don't have to go on punishing yourself anymore buddy. It wasn't your fault… none of this was ever your fault Hutch. We beat them. It's over. We won!"

"You know Starsk," Hutch continued quietly after a moment. "If anything had have happened to you, I think that would have been the end for me… being a cop, it's all that I've ever wanted to do, ever since I was a kid, you know what I mean, to help people, to feel as though I could really make some sort of a difference… but I suddenly got to thinking during those many hours spent just watching over you lying in that lonely hospital bed, not knowing whether you were ever going to wake up or whether or not you were going to pull through… and, well, I suddenly realised that I wouldn't want to pay the price anymore… the job means squat if you ain't got no partner standing at your side…"

"But it's time to put all of that behind us now buddy." Starsky coaxed, as the tears threatened to overwhelm Hutch yet again, spurred on by the thoughts which were conjured of what so very easily might have been.

Hutch remained silent…

"Hutch, you know you could always take the day off today." He persevered, undaunted despite the lack of a response. "Call Captain Dolby and tell him if you still think it's too soon, tell him that you still need more time. He'll understand."

"No… no…" Hutch shook his head. "You need your rest partner… and, well I guess that it's about time that I started getting my life back, if I let this beat me then, well, they really will have won won't they?"

Starsky grinned, although he could tell from the slightly uncertain tone to his voice that his friend still wasn't entirely convinced by his own words.

"You're a hard nut to crack you know that partner." He chucked warmly.

"Well," Hutch smiled, "I've decided that I'm not going to let them get around us so easily… no matter how hard that may be."

It was with that that Starsky knew that, despite all the hardship the pair had seen, all the torment and suffering of the past couple of months on Hutch's part and the testing times which still lay ahead for them both they would eventually see each other through to the very end…

…'thee and me' together again, just as it had always had been.