**Trigger warning, NON/CON, SUICIDE, ETC**

APOV

Agreeing to go into his sessions with his doctor is not something a normal human being does on the first, second or third date however, I had massive issues that Christian needed to be aware of before we started really trying in this relationship. When I asked Kate to look after Jasmine for me, she was surprised but readily agreed.

When Christian knocked on the door, we both said goodbye to Jasmine and Kate before walking down to the car. We didn't say much in the elevator or even in the car on the way to the doctors, I was picking at the skin around my nails until Christian held my hand to stop me.

When we pulled up to the building Taylor got out of the car, Christian turned to me. "I can't stop you from running after tonight, but I want you to know how hard I am trying to be a better man." With the lump in my throat, I couldn't do much more than nod.

The receptionist behind the counter nodded at Christian and told him to go on through, the office itself was quite comfortable brown leather lounges were well worn but of high quality. He had several bookcases among the wall littered with medical books.

A lone chair sat opposite a green love seat, it reminded me of an old English library, the rug was soft under my feet and added towards the appeal. Christian and I sat at opposite ends of the loveseat but close enough I could feel the heat coming off his body.

"Christian, Anastasia thank you for coming." A very clearly English voice spoke behind us, I jumped slightly but smiled when the doctor came into view. His hair was a dark brown with eyes to match, he was young in terms of how I thought he'd be, but still older than both Christian and I if I had to guess. Trim in figure and rather attractive, if I hadn't met Christian Dr Flynn would definitely be playing parts in my alone time.

"Thank you for seeing us, John." I smiled and agreed with Christian.

"Anastasia, do you know why Christian asked you to come today?" I shook my head. "He wishes to reveal an aspect of his life which played a definite role in why he remains unattached. Although, I do believe he has changed, he wishes you to know regardless." Is that Doctor speak for Christian has some weird shit normal people aren't into, but he wants me to know about it? Fuck, does he want to be some kinky sex slave? I felt my eyes go wide at the thought before trying to hide it, I didn't miss Christian flinching at me though.

"So, we should start at the beginning I guess?" I shrugged my shoulders guessing.

"Indeed. Christian would you please wait outside." Flynn dismissed him, he gave my hand a quick squeeze and left, I returned it slightly, turned to watch him leave then looked to the good doctor. "Anastasia, I want you to be comfortable. You're about to learn a lot of information in a short period of time, I want you to be able to process the information without Christian hovering for a reaction and assuming the worst." Reasonable.

"That's okay."

"So, I shall begin from the start." He smiled sadly and began his tale. "How much do you know about Christian?"

"Not much…" Well, we only met a few days ago…

"He's a very private man, but you only met a few days ago as well. I would have liked for him to wine and dine you a little longer before bringing you to me, but he was adamant that since you've got a child, you should be well informed of his life before." Wow… That's… Something.

"You see Ana, Christian was adopted at the age of four-years-old. Whilst that is public record and nothing he hides away from the public, the events that led to his adoption is. When Christian was born, we've determined mother was a single mother, in a time when unwedded mothers were still looked down upon.

His mother had a drug-problem, at first it was something she managed whilst caring for Christian, then as life got more difficult her addiction took control of her life. He resorted to prostitution to get her next fix, often brining the men back to her home. Christian was only two when her pimp began to control her life." What…

"Christian remembers hearing the door unlock and running under the table or into the closet to escape him, he remembers his hands wrapping around his arm pulling him back. He remembers the crack of his belt against whilst the pimp abused his mother, the feel of his fist against his skin but most importantly he is always reminded of the pimp using his body as his personal ash tray." No! I knew I looked shocked at his words; tears began to fill my eyes as the thought of that little boy all alone with no help being tortured like that.

"Yes, he has many scars littering his chest and back from that man. Christian was looking after himself for a long time before being adopted, often his mother wouldn't feed him, so he'd eat whatever was available. Frozen peas, moldy cheese anything to stay alive. He would often cover his mother up with a blanket, stay by her side when no one else was there.

So, when she died, his young mind didn't understand." I rubbed the tears away with a tissue offered. "He remembers little about it, other than the pimp coming back, swearing at her lying on the couch, and the police taking him away. The police offer on duty just went to pick him up, he was kicking, punching and screaming for his mother." I sniffled and tried to hold back the tears.

"He was so angry for so many years, constantly believing the absolute worse about himself. Thinking his families love was fake, that they pitied him. The fights he got into school was the only form of touch he allowed, because he felt he still deserved the pimps hand against his flesh for failing his mother.

So, when he got expelled a second time, his parents forced him to work for their neighbors as a punishment hoping some exercise would do him good. That is when he met Elena outside his home, away from his parents.

She used the knowledge of pain against him, she brought him into a world he'd never dreamed of. The world of BDSM."

"Wait, you said he got expelled, how old was he?" Fucking she did what?

"He was 15 when he had his first sexual encounter."

"With. An. Adult?" I saw him flinch at my tone.

"Yes."

"Is she in jail now?"

"No."

"Why. The. Fuck. Not?"

"I'll explain in a moment, Elena became what they call a dominatrix meaning she physically punished Christian for deeds she believed to be bad. Fighting, swearing, getting bad grades. So, Christian having an avenue to vent his frustration, anger and pain allowed him to somewhat function in everyday life. Only Elena also made him stay away from his family, fed the idea that he wasn't worthy of love, of care because he was above it all. I naturally don't agree with that, but he does.

He still remains in a business partnership with her to date. Once Christian began to learn control over his raging emotions, she realised her control over him was fading, no longer was he an adolescent boy, he was now a man. When he left for college, she made him come back to her nearly every weekend, he wasn't allowed normal sexual encounters.

She funneled his hatred of his mother into his sexual relationships, she taught him to do things to women who reminded him of his mother. She would arrange him to have this women, they would have contracts between each other detailing what they can and cannot do to one another."

"So not only was she a pedophile, but she was also a pimp too?" Fury burned through my whole body.

"IN a very basic, simplistic sense… Yes."

"And what, he wants me to be one of these girls?" I snapped.

"No, that is what is unusual. I have been talking to Christian for years, trying to get him to understand that love is a beautiful thing that everyone is entitled to. A respectful partnership where neither has control of the other.

When he met you, something inside of him switched. The idea of you in any of the situations was abhorrent to him, when he learned you had a child the same age he was when he was adopted, forced him to look at what struggles his mother went through.

His hatred of her, began to lessen. He wants you to know because he doesn't want you finding out later and then blaming him for not telling you, for hiding things, for learning to be near your daughter and love her."

"You're telling me, he sees me as his mum?"

"Not exactly, it's as if he sees himself through Jasmine, to have the love he was always denied at a young age. Being able to envision what his life would have been like with a mother like you."

"He doesn't even know me; how can he know I'm a good mother?" John rolled his eyes at me, earning him a glare.

"He conducted a background check on you after your interview, something that is necessary since the kind of man he is. When he found out about Jasmine naturally, he began to think the worst. When he saw what you did to not only put yourself through university, but also have the Jasmine and keep a nest egg for yourself and start a university fund for her? It was inspiring."

"She's everything to me." I whispered.

"Something Christian is starting to understand, every woman that has been in a relationship with him, has always demanded 100% of him, his time, his energy. Then to have a woman who not only isn't interested in his money or contacts, but has supported herself and her child with no help of the father? That strength and pure love is like a magnet to him."

"Would you say in your opinion he is a changed man?"

"Christian will always struggle, and I think that makes him human, but when something in our life makes us completely rethink every step, every decision we've made it can change you completely. I think if you did invest in the relationship, you won't be unhappy with the choice or regret it."

"But what if I have a terrible secret?"

"As bad as his?" I nodded.

"Then I would suggest we tell him together?" I breathed out a huge sigh, John got up from his chair and let Christian back in. He looked as if someone had kicked his puppy.

"Christian, I just want to say I think You're an incredibly strong man to have survived what you went through, and more importantly become the man you are today. I'll admit I'm worried about letting you into my life, but everyone deserves the chance to show that they've changed right? Although, that woman and I use that term very loosely, will never and I mean never go near my child.

If I even see her look at my child, I will not be held responsible for my actions." I knew I looked beyond angry as I said it, but Christian merely smiled.

"You're not running?"

"Not anytime soon." He moved very close to me in that moment and kissed me hard, after a few moments John cleared his throat. "However, there is something I think you need to know about." Christian looked at me as if I held the world, so I got up and began to pace slightly. John held his hand out to Christian to stop him from moving the silent command Let her sort it out first.

"There is a reason why I had to do everything on my own when it comes to Jasmine…" I closed my eyes and sighed. "Jasmine is the result of the rape I went through when I was 17." I heard Christian breath in deeply.

"It happened because Kate at the time had gotten ahold of a fake-ID and wanted to go out into town, her parents were fighting at the time and she wanted to rebel, to show them how crazy and out of control she could be.

I would always go with her so that I could keep an eye on her, I didn't want anything to happen so I'd drink a coke or two through the night, make sure she got back home and that would be it. She'd dance, flirt with some stranger. It was dangerous but not so dangerous she stopped.

One night… We were in this seedy bar, I told her not to go in, but she was getting crazier every weekend trying to get her parents to just fucking give a damn about her. This one guy followed us from another club and kept going over to Kate, kept hitting on her, trying to make her dance with him. She was so, so drunk. We told him no, he went away but then I saw Kate starting to get really drowsy, so I tried to get her home.

I struggled so hard with her, she was so much taller than I was, her feet dragging, until someone started to help me. I was thankful because it was getting difficult, only when I turned to see who it was, it was the same man as before. He picked her up bridal style and began to walk really fast, so fast I had to run to keep up. I was screaming at him to let her go, that I was going to call the police.

When I saw the van… I was so scared. Kate had all but passed out, when he opened the back door, threw her in all I could do was stand there. Shock took over my body, I couldn't move, couldn't scream even though my brain was bashing against itself saying RUN ANA!

When he grabbed me… I just kept telling myself that it was a dream, this wasn't happening, this wasn't happening. He threw me in the van and climbed in closing the doors. He told me not to scream, and if I did Kate would get hurt.

The pain of that encounter… Will haunt me forever. I laid there while he grunted and told me I was a good girl, that I liked it. I cried the whole time, he then forced me to watch him do the same to Kate.

He hit me after he'd spent what felt like forever with us, I just remember waking up partially dressed in an alley. When Kate and I got home, thanks to a taxi-driver who saw us walking, I scrubbed my skin raw.

I was bleeding from how long I scrubbed and scrubbed at my skin, his fingers and touch was all I could feel on me. I was disgusting, a horrible person for even getting an ounce of satisfaction from him. The social worker told me that it was my body trying to stop the pain.

I never told Kate that I saw it all, she was already blaming herself for everything, when she tried to take her life… I realised that I couldn't talk with her about it anymore. I struggled so much before I found out I was pregnant, I felt as if everyone who looked at me could tell. That's the girl who got off being raped.

It got so much worse when I found out I was pregnant, I was a virgin that night, never having been on birth control I didn't realise what was happening to my body until Kate told me to take a test. I made the choice to keep her, knowing that he will not only have a constant reminder in my head of what happened, but a physical one too through jasmine.

When she was born, I hated her, she didn't look like me. All I saw was him for a long time. I put up with nine months of being calling me a slut, that I deserved whatever happened to me, that she was a bastard, that I was going to be a disappointment in life.

I broke down after a few months, Kate saw me trying to stop everything… It was then she realised how much I was holding back and failing to do so. We both attended counselling after that, and I came to terms with what happened.

Jasmine began to grow; she began to look more like me every day. I realised how lucky I was to have such a happy girl in my life. So, I dedicated every second in my life to her, to allow her to have the best life possible, one filled with love and a mother who will do anything, be anything to keep her safe." I wiped the tears off my cheeks and turned towards Christian, I could see him fighting back tears at my confession. He got up off the couch, walked towards me and immediately wrapped himself around me. I felt his sob before I heard it. Together we cried a little, for the moments in our lives which haven't gone according to plan…

When we calmed down and went back to sitting down, I laughed. "We look a mess." Christian grinned back.

"You're one to talk, I'm hot as fuck." I pushed him slightly, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into his side.

"You both have had traumatic things happen in your past, but I believe with regular appointments and supporting one another you both can make it work. You're both wonderful, supportive, caring people." John smiled, but I could see the redness around his nose, I knew he let out a small tear whilst listening to my story.

"So, we're not a doomed case John?"

"I don't believe so. I think this relationship has serious potential, but it won't be easy."

We said our goodbyes and went back into the car, instead of sitting so far away I sat beside Christian who wrapped an arm around me, kissed my head before looking out the window as the buildings flew past.

"Do you have to go home tonight?" I saw it was already 8:30. I called Kate up.

"Ana Banana, are you calling to say you're not coming home?" I could hear the humor in her voice.

"I was calling to check on Jasmine…"

"She's sleeping, I'll drop her off at day care tomorrow. Take the night Steele, we'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you, Kate."

"No problem Steele, anytime." We both hung up, the moment the call was ended Christian had claimed my lips in a ferocious kiss. It was unsaid, we'd be spending the night together…

When the car parked, Taylor disappeared somewhere while Christian grabbed my hand, led me straight to the elevator, once inside he claimed my lips again.

We were a mixture of hands, lips, tugging, panting. He had me against the wall of the elevator with my legs around his waist, one hand was on my ass the other on the back of my neck. I knew my dress was bunch up around my hips and my underwear was on display, but in this moment I couldn't have cared less.

When the elevator pinged open, he didn't let go of me or stop the attack on my lips, neck, chest anywhere he could get. He walked us into a room, threw me on the bed and crawled over me kissing me again.

I grabbed his shirt fumbling for the buttons, getting frustrated when I was unable to get them undone. He began to chuckle as he kissed my neck. "Fucking hell, just take it off." I growled.

He sat up, slowly and sensually unbuttoned his shirt. I watched as his chest slowly came into view, before parting over abdominal muscles. I panted as the fabric slid off his body, watched his hands move towards his belt, his thumbs running under it along his stomach.

"Like what you see Miss Steele?"

"Yes, god above yes." I reached out to trace the muscles with my fingertips, he intercepted my hands and kissed each of my fingertips.

"I've never had someone touch my skin to skin in a long time…"

"We cannot do that… if you prefer?"

"No, just slowly baby and warn me before hand?" I nodded softly, His hands moved from my calves, up my thighs bunch the fabric as he went. I lifted my hips allowing the fabric to pass, his movements were slow as he uncovered my body.

My stomach wasn't perfect flat, but once the dress was completely off, he laid me back down and kissed down my chest, over my stomach and stopped at my panty line, when I looked down and saw his gray eyes burning, I only nodded a few times before the fabric began to slide down my legs.

My bra quickly followed, he grinned as I threw it across the room and was naked before him. I closed my eyes and relaxed into his touch, the soft caresses along my skin the sighs of contentment leaving his lips, when he began to kiss down over pubic bone and heading south, I began to hold my breath.

"Fuck you're perfect." I felt his thumbs part my lips before he began to slowly trace his tongue from my entrance, towards my clit.

When he began to slowly and softly apply pressure to it, running in small circles I felt all the muscles in my body begin to tense. Fuck this is better than fingers! I ran my hands down my body into his hair and ran my fingers through it, almost petting him for doing a good job.

He kept a constant steady pressure and pace, changing the motions occasionally, I kept groaning, moaning and panting the more a coil inside me began to tighten. He moaned against my body and slowly introduced a finger into me, curling slightly.

The guttural groan had him moaning slightly against me, vibrating against my clit as his tongue caressed me. A second finger was added, my panting grew harder, the mewls of please, please, please, don't stop left my mouth.

A third finger, he was moving them faster but the constant pressure on my clit began to drive me wild. My head shook back and forth my fingers tight in his hair nearly pulling him into my body. Please, fuck, don't, fucking, stop.

I called him name as I came on his fingers and tongue, my leg twitching against him, ripples running over my skin as the pleasure spread through my body. I was breathing hard as he slowly kissed and licked his way up my body, smirking at when my body twitched in response to the pleasure.

He captured my lips with his own, his tongue invading my mouth and battling mine. His hands went to under my thighs lifting them slightly around his hips. I ran a hand from his stomach slowly down to his cock and gave him a few pumps. Ever since that night I always made sure to be on birth control.

"Do we need a condom?" I asked him, he kissed me again.

"I'm clean, what about you?"

"Clean as a whistle." He kissed me harder and rocked his hips in my hand groaning when I moved my hips slightly, so he made constant with my wetness.

I moved him towards my entrance, and slowly rolled my hips as I covered the head of his cock with my juices. I dipped slightly letting him feel the warmth of my body before pulling away.

The frustrated growl that escaped his lips sent a shiver down my spine. "Are you sure baby?" I dipped again and licked his bottom lip. "Ana, I need an answer baby."

I dipped again, rolled my hips and pulled away again, taking him slightly deeper every time. Is that an answer for you Grey?

When I did it a second time, he grabbed my hips and pushed himself into my body, my head went backwards as the pleasure of being filled to the brim went through me. I rolled my hips when he was in to the hilt moaning at the sensation.

"Fuck." He grunted.

We made eye contact, he leant over me placing his elbows above my shoulders, kissed me hard and began to move inside of me, short thrusts. I moaned every time he went to the hilt, rocking my hips up every time.

I don't know how long we continued kissing while slow fucking, but when I cried out my release a second time, he began to pick up the pace. He sat up watching the way my tits bounced with each thrust and watching where we were joined together.

"Fuck you look so hot taking my cock." I groaned listening to his dirty talk, when his thumb went to my clit and began slowly circling it, I was nearly undone a third time.

"Faster." I grunted.

"No." I opened my eyes and glared at him, he grinned right back and made a point of thrusting slower.

"Fuck me faster." I growled.

"No."

I wrapped my legs around his waist and tried to pull him into me harder, he only held unwound them held each knee in his hands as he continued the slow torturous thrusts. "Please Christian." As if rewarded the thrusts picked up.

"Please baby, fuck me harder." He thrusted into me causing me to mewl in response. "Fuck me faster baby, I need you to fuck me faster, harder." I made eye contact when I pleaded, he relented and began to pound into my body, his fingers digging into my hips as he began to grunt.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" he grunted through each thrust. "Cum for me baby." He angled his thrusts that hit a spot inside me, which made me see stars. I held onto his hands for dear life as he pounded harder and faster. The movements becoming shallower, jerkier.

Watching him take his pleasure from my body set me off like he ignited me himself. It felt as if all every nerve inside me burst out of my skin, I screamed his name as he emptied himself, my name dying upon his lips.

He fell on top of me, both breathing hard as we came down from the high. I ran my hands through his hair, twitching every so often. He chuckled, pulled out of me and moved to lay beside me.

"That was." I stared at the ceiling, my brain not yet awake.

"Perfect." He kissed my cheek.

"Perfect." I whispered back, he pulled me into his arms and together we began to fall asleep.

So as I wrote this, I was in tears.
I was listening to Forest Fires but Lauren Aquilina.

This is why I didn't want to tell anyone of what Ana went through before now, I know it's a sad story but I think it's important to understand what she's been through so we can understand why she gives Christian a shot.

Everyone deserves a second chance to show they've changed.