A/N: If you haven't listened to Ashe's new album, Ashlyn, I definitely recommend that you do. It's really good and there's a lot of good songs on it. I felt like this song fit best with Raven and Robin's relationship, though, and it's kind of sweet so here's a happier chapter. I don't get to write happy ones as often, I feel.
P.S. this chapter does briefly mention rape. There is no details but i will place a TW start and end for those who will need to skip it.
Thx!
AMM
Song: I'm Fine by Ashe
No one really sees through Raven's facade like Robin does and at times it may annoy her but other times, it's a silent relief to not have to pretend around him.
~Raven's POV~
Woke up too early
Almost put salt in my coffee
Oh, I thank god that you stopped me before that
It isn't that I feel I can't be myself around my teammates, I trust them with my life and while they don't know much about me, they also know more than I ever thought I'd tell anyone. However, there seem to be certain stigmas about me that they easily believe and don't attempt to see around. According to Beast Boy, I never sleep which means I must be something akin to a vampire who never needs sleep.
If only he knew how wrong he was.
It's been more like the opposite of that recently. It's to the point that I'm pouring myself a cup of coffee from Robin's brewed pot in the morning instead of my usual tea in hopes that it will wake me up. Maybe it's my pale skin that keeps them from noticing the bags under my eyes but they're blaringly obvious to me every morning when I give up on sleep and crawl out of bed to splash water on my face. It's restless nights tossing and turning from the haunting images of my dreams and I feel guilty when it wakes up my normally similarly restless leader and boyfriend.
I'm not normally one for overly sweet things but I've found that adding sugar to the rather bitter drink has been somewhat helpful in waking me up these past few days. It doesn't even cross my mind that the white crystalized seasoning I've reached for is not the correct ingredient to the dark cup of energy. I'm staring blankly down at my cup, moving to tilt my hand and dump the white powder when a hand is silently reaching out and pulling it back to an upright position. My eyes lazily slide to the green glove wrapped carefully around my hand, already having known who was interfering with my attempt to wake up as he is the only one who touches me so comfortably.
"Rae, that's salt." I blink at his hands, not processing what he said for a moment before it clicks that I was seconds away from dumping it into my coffee. I immediately put the salt on the counter and step back, a hand coming up to cover my flushing cheeks. A light chuckle meets my ears, making my face flush harder. I hear the scrape of a spoon in the sugar before being mixed into the cup of coffee.
"I won't judge you for your methods of trying to stay awake, but no one else is up yet if you want to go crawl back in bed." I finally pull my hand away from my face and meet the naked eyes of the only other person in the room. I nod but still move to grab the coffee. "Come on, you can lay in bed while I do some paperwork at the desk." His hand slides under my cloak and wraps around my waist, pulling me against his side as if he's afraid I'll collapse at any moment. Sounds tempting.
Tripped over something
Spilled it all over your front seat
Didn't even say I'm sorry about that
We walk back to his room still pressed together, one of my hands having moved to wrap around his waist for support while the other still holds the coffee. We separate upon reaching his room and as I go to step towards his bed, my foot catches on the corner of his desk and the cup of coffee goes spilling all over his desk chair, quickly seeping into the leather of his chair.
I can't even find the energy to react. I just stand there and watch the excess coffee drip down the chair and gather in the seams. It takes Robin gently grabbing my shoulders and directing me towards the bed for me to begin to move on my own. I chance a look at him and watch him calmly grab a towel out of his laundry hamper and begin to try and wipe down the chair.
"Go to sleep, Rae. I'll be here when you wake up." I watch him for a moment longer before shedding my cape and boots in exchange for the thick comforter on Robin's bed.
On and on it's just more of the same
And even when you ask if I'm okay
I try to say I'm fine (I'm fine)
But even as I lie in bed, pleading with myself to fall asleep, I find that I can't. I lay there, staring at Robin's back as he begins his paperwork. I'm not sure how much time has passed when he looks over his shoulder at me, expecting me to be sleeping but eyes widening when he sees me watching him.
"Are you okay? Is something going on?"
"I'm fine,"
You don't (you don't)
Believe (Believe me)
When I say I'm alright (alright)
The look he gives me makes my head duck at being found out. "I don't believe that for a second. Clearly there's something going on that's keeping you from sleeping. I'm the expert on that." I roll my eyes and flop onto my back to stare at the ceiling instead of challenging cerulean.
"I'm okay, really. I'm alright,"
You know (you know)
I need you when I try to say I'm fine (I'm fine)
I hear his chair creak slightly as he stands and approaches the bed, also slipping out of his boots and pulling his gloves off. He opens the comforter and crawls into the bed beside me, wrapping his arms around my waist and situating me so my back is to his chest. His chin digs into my shoulder as he tries to move closer.
"What's keeping you awake?" He whispers into my ear.
"Everything," I rasp back.
"How so?"
"It's just all catching up with me. All I see is destruction of my doing when I close my eyes." I admit.
"Rae, why haven't you said anything?"
"It's not supposed to affect me."
"Why wouldn't it affect you?"
"I should be used to disturbing sights. I surround myself with it."
"What do you mean? No you don't. You like dark colored things and more serious things but nothing disturbing. You don't have dead animals pinned to your wall or gruesome images displayed on every surface."
"I'm fine."
"Stop saying that. I know you're not and that's okay."
You know (you know)
It's just (because I)
Can't admit when I'm sad (I'm sad)
"I don't know what else to say."
He sighs quietly before pressing a kiss to the side of my head. "It's okay. You don't need to say anything else. I get it."
But thank god (you know)
I need you when I try to say I'm fine
I finally find the presence to snuggle into my lover's arms and drift off into a thankfully empty and blank sleep.
I can hide from everyone else
And they won't bat an eye
No, they never can tell
When I'm falling apart on the inside
TW Start
Everyone piles into the common room, looking to relax from the stress of the day. A serial rapist was on the loose in Jump City and I was beginning to fear we'd never catch him but we finally did this afternoon. Unfortunately, we were a little too late for his latest victim who he had just pushed himself off of.
Reminds me of close calls we've had in the past. These cases are never easy, going off of nothing but a trail of traumatized girls to try and track him down. At least all of the girls made it out alive. They haven't always in the past.
While the rest of the team tries to forget the last few days by piling onto the couch to watch a comedy movie, I quietly excuse myself from the room and head towards my bedroom, hoping to climb into bed and try to sleep the images away.
I'd only been huddled down for maybe twenty minutes when there's a knock on my door and it slides open as the person lets himself in.
It gets so hard
Keeping it up
Keep your eyes down
Keep your chin up
We all need someone there for us sometimes
No words are said as he climbs in behind me as he did only a week ago, wrapping himself as tightly around me as possible. Only then do I realize the tears streaming down my cheeks and onto my pillow.
Sometimes the girls are too traumatized to remember what happened to them and it often takes me, with their consent, using my powers to look into their mind and relive the awful experience. It's like it's happened to me personally. These cases are always so awful but I'm the only one who can do it. Besides, I'm supposed to be used to awful things so I can't let them see that it gets to me. And Robin's the only one who knows the extent of the information I learn from them. He knows I have to live through the experience where the others just know that I get the information necessary.
TW End
On and on it's just more of the same
I get so lonely every day
Until you ask if I'm okay
"I know this was hard on you. Are you doing okay?"
I take a deep breath and will the tears to stop. "I'm fine,"
I try to say I'm fine (I'm fine)
You don't (You don't)
Believe (Believe me)
"You know I don't buy that for a second."
"Then why'd you ask?"
"Because I don't know what else to say."
"I'll be fine. I just need a minute."
I know he wants to say more but I'm thankful that he doesn't. He settles in after a moment and I silently thank him for his quiet comfort.
When I say I'm alright (Alright)
You know (You know)
I need you when I try to say I'm fine (I'm fine)
You know (You know)
It's just (Because I)
Can't admit when I'm sad (I'm sad)
But thank god (You know)
I need you when I try to say I'm fine
A/N: Not gonna lie, I love this song but not the chapter. I think I was kind of all over the place but I need to get back into writing so please be nice!
Thx!
AMM