Laying with Nanako and sending her away afterward felt familiar and honestly comfortable. Much more so than trying to keep her company. He invited her one last time to see if something would change, but nothing did. He still felt no attachment to her.
Thinking that perhaps the problem was that she wasn't his type, he started seeing another woman. It quickly became a pattern. He would be with a woman for a few days, see if there was any attraction while sleeping with her, then send her away to try again.
Despite his constant request for women, he was not just playing around during his nights. He busied himself with work, often going into the day to make up for his fooling around. In addition to renewing his new search into locating his brother once more, he looked further into the traitor case and reviewed the details for himself once he had the presence of mind to do so to not let his emotions cover his eyes.
The evidence was found in the boy's room as Sugo had said and the guard did commit suicide. The lead was found by Tobi, the Chinese aide Uchiha Shisui had brought in. Neji had forgotten about the new aide. Because Neji did not like his Chinese heritage, Shisui had been keeping him out of Neji's sight. Tobi had accidentally stumbled upon their rendezvous and reported it. An investigation was led, the evidence was found, and the guard was found dead with a suicide pill.
All in all, there was nothing odd about the case, but something was bothering him. He couldn't tell why, but something about the case did not feel right. Everything made sense, there was a confession by that boy after the interrogation, a motive, and started around the time he was taken into the mansion. So why did something seem off?
In any case, he was looking for candidates to take the figurehead daimyo's place. Someone who would be obedient and had a good reputation with the people. Neji was having problems finding a candidate that fit his standards, and even after selecting him, Namikaze Minato would still have to sweet talk the shogunate to make sure the candidate was accepted publicly and have the land "officially" gifted to him.
He put his hands in his sleeves, staring at the candidate scrolls provided for him. He could not leave the position vacant for much longer. He would need to come to a decision within the next couple of days. The people were becoming nervous and uncertain now that the shock of the daimyo's gruesome death had worn off. Things had run smoothly so far due to Neji's and his advisors' skills, but without a visible leader to turn to, the townsfolk would continue to worry.
"Bring Yamato Tenzo to me," he handed one of the scrolls off his desk to his servant. "Whether inconvenient or not."
The servant bowed, receiving the scroll. "Yes, Master."
As the servant left, Uchiha Shisui entered. Neji couldn't say he wasn't expecting his visit. Still, he busied himself writing a letter, wishing he could put off this conversation a little longer. "Have you forgotten your manners, Uchiha-san, or do you wish to offend and anger me?"
"I would be foolish to want to anger you, but I believe we have known each other long enough for you to be merciful of my actions." Shisui did not sit or bow, indicating it was not a pleasure visit, and it would be more of a confrontational one. Did any other lord allow behaviors like this? He withheld a sigh.
"Right now is an inconvenient time. Tomorrow would be better," he said, dipping the brush into the ink.
"Sorry, but another time is inconvenient for me, so forgive my rudeness if I insist." Shisui smiled, but it was stiff. Hostility was radiating off of him behind that polite and calm-looking smile. The Uchiha clan were the only people who worked for him that were blood-related besides the twins, and unlike the others who were orphans, rounins, and outcasts, they were from a noble family. Shisui acted as the head of that family, a cousin a century older than the brothers. He retained his assets and most of his land that he had used for the benefit of furthering Neji's agenda.
It was because of this that the Uchiha had always made Neji a little uneasy. The Uchiha clan had influence unlike the others. He never understood why Shisui decided to become an ally, dragging his two charges with him. Shisui was intelligent, cunning, and could be sadistic when he wanted to be, especially when it came to his family members. Itachi was also intelligent, but his mind and expressions were quiet, making it difficult to interpret his thoughts. His record as an assassin was nearly perfect, able to play both parts of a male and female assassin, using any tactic to see his job through with accuracy. His only weakness being his little brother who he was fiercely and openly protective about. It was a relief Itachi did not wish to have an advisor position as Itachi was too difficult to read in comparison to Shisui.
But at the minimum Itachi was very obedient. He never asked unnecessary questions, following through on his orders quickly and flawlessly unlike his younger brother, Sasuke. Sasuke was headstrong, a bit arrogant, and rebellious, tiptoeing the line of insubordination often. He did not like being told what to do. However, Sasuke was also a genius. Not at politics and culture, but in fighting. Where Itachi lacked physical strength due to circumstances when he was human, Sasuke had the strength and agility his brother lacked. If you wanted an assassin or informant who could get inside an enemy base and massacre everyone inside, Sasuke was the person you went to see. He was on par with many demons and even some low-level gods.
If their connections and skills were not enough, the addition of Seiryu and Kurama being involved with their family affairs gave the family even more leverage than normal. Three very troublesome relatives indeed, and Neji had just exiled one of them.
Neji decided to let the rude comment go. Standing in front of him was not his advisor but the head of the Uchiha family. Treating him as such would get him further in this conversation. "Since you came all this way, I would not want to be considered ungrateful. Would you like tea?"
"I had tea before I came," Shisui politely declined. "I came to see you because I heard a disturbing rumor about my precious little cousin being banned from reentering the manor. Since he is still young, I worried he may be struggling with this sudden situation."
Young? What bullshit. Sasuke was older than Neji. And Sasuke was strong and able. There was no chance he was "struggling" as Shisui had put it. "Unfortunately, the rumor is true. He drew his sword against me and snuck out of the mansion when he was not supposed to. Is this not just a small punishment for the crimes he had committed?"
"Ah, is that the reason?" his smile and polite speech did not waver, but as he looked down at Neji, his eyes seemed to direct a murderous intent towards him. "I mistakenly thought it might be because his mate was male. Forgive my short-sightedness. It really was foolish for me to think so when Hyuuga-sama also has a male mate and would in no way look down upon someone else who is in a similar situation. After all, Hyuuga-sama is a broad-minded man not swayed by thoughts of others."
Shisui had a very sharp tongue and had no fear of offending Neji. Shisui may have chosen to work under Neji, but he did not pledge loyalty to him, not like Sasuke and Itachi had, a requirement when joining the shadow guard. "I would be careful with your words Uchiha-san, one would think you are trying to imply something."
"Does it seem that way? I had nointention of implying anything." Shisui's gaze was so intense it was making Neji uncomfortable. "I know Hyuuga-sama would never do anything that would betray my trust and judgment over something so petty."
Neji did not know if he should be happy Shisui was acting the way he predicted or angry he was blatantly reminding Neji that he was not someone to cross. While the Uchiha family was not completely under his thumb, he had relied on them for a long time, especially early on when he lacked the money and resources on his own. "I did not realize you thought my punishment was not suitable for the transgressions committed. What would you recommend for drawing his blade against his master? Public humiliation would tear at the Uchiha family's honor, and I would not want to harm my advisor's image. Would you prefer for him to disembowel himself to maintain his and your honor?"
"Seppuku is a bit extreme for what amounts to a mistake, does it not?" Shisui countered.
"Turning against one's master he has sworn to protect is no minor mistake Uchiha-san. You of all people know this, having seen the birth and rise of the samurai firsthand. Blood or not, you should not bend the rules and tarnish the oath so many have taken before."
Shisui was silenced briefly. "Sasuke-kun has indeed made a terrible mistake, and he should put in the work to restore his honor and Hyuuga-sama's trust. If my lord will give him a chance, Sasuke-kun will take the chance to restore his honor."
Seppuku would be the correct path if Neji was upset about Sasuke drawing his blade. Sasuke would restore his honor, and he wouldn't die, just be in a lot of pain until the wound healed. Unfortunately, what Shisui accused him of was correct. He hated seeing Sasuke with a male lover and with this updated punishment, he would have to bring Sasuke back in, and he did not want to. "I will consider it."
"Thank you. I knew you were a wise and kind person," Shisui bowed. Though Shisui's argument had weakened towards the end, he did manage to back Neji into a corner and achieve his goal. This was Neji's loss. It felt like all Neji did lately was lose.
Exasperated, Neji called it a day. He still had an hour before the woman he had selected came to the manor. As promised, he had been trying to spend time with Gaara to prove to himself that he was not running. He set aside his work early and asked Natsu if he knew of Gaara's location, being informed he was near the training grounds. Perfect.
As wary as he had become of Gaara since witnessing the aftermath of his skills, Neji still loved sparring with Gaara. Their spars had once again become more one-sided with Neji now fighting at full strength, but Gaara was improving every time their swords locked. Gaara's improvements somehow made him happy as well.
He did not bother to change his clothes, heading straight to the training grounds as Natsu left to grab his sword. He was looking forward to what surprises Gaara would give him today.
He saw Gaara training with another shadow guard. He wielded his scimitar, focused only on his opponent. Using his own unique blade, his fighting had become more fluid and more precise. But why was that shadow guard with him?
An illogical annoyance towards the guard swelled in his chest. That guard's name was Lee something, wasn't it? Did that guard have so much free time to be training with his Gaara? He was a guard that wore a black headband with gold-threaded into the cloth in a single horizontal stripe, indicating his status as a human who had yet to be turned. As a human, he should be doing night training with the others as the humans did guard duty during the day and the vampires at night.
Gaara disarmed him, the sword flying towards Neji's face. Neji moved his head, the blade barely missing his cheek. The guard finally noticed him, immediately getting on his knees to show his respects. "Master," he cried out passionately.
He would blame the guard for losing his sword and almost harming Neji if it were not for three things. The first was Neji's knowledge of Gaara's skills. Sparring with Gaara before, he knew Gaara was above most when it came to swordsmanship skills. The second was that the guard was still human. As it was dark with only the light of the moon lighting the area, noticing Neji while fighting a skilled opponent like Gaara would be impossible as all his senses would be focused on Gaara just to barely keep up. The third reason, and the most influential reason that Neji wasn't being petty, was that Gaara had run up to him with concern.
"Neji," he said desperately and out of breath, bringing his hands up to touch Neji's face. "Are you okay?" His callused hands were rough on Neji's skin, turning Neji's head to check his cheek and ear. The worry in his eyes improved Neji's mood. Really, this man had no idea about personal boundaries, standing so close and touching him so familiarly.
Neji averted his eyes, feeling the heat rise in his face. "I am fine." He could not bring himself to step away from Gaara's grasp. "You are always training so diligently. Do you not know how to rest?"
Gaara's eyes softened at him, curving as he smiled. "If I do not, can't catch Neji's skills. And…" he trailed off, his shoulders dropping. "Naruto-kun has not come. It is boring and…"
"And what," Neji asked tensely, still not liking how Gaara called that person's first name or the reminder of that tutor's existence.
"Lonely. Neji works a lot and Naruto-kun is nice."
Neji's eyes narrowed, his lips thinning. "Has anyone disrespected you?" He had not realized he had misinterpreted Gaara's words, finding insinuation where there was none. Gaara still spoke bluntly and directly, having not mastered the high context of the Japanese language partially due to his lack of cultural knowledge and limited vocabulary, forcing him to be more direct. Neji's mind was already coming up with punishments for anyone who dared to give Gaara a hard time, but Gaara quickly shook his head.
"No. Everyone is kind," Gaara quickly corrected himself. "It is nothing. Forget I spoke."
More than happy to do just that and change from a topic he did not wish to talk about, Neji relaxed once more, asking, "There is still time before my dinner is served. Would you humor me with a sparring match?"
Perking up, Gaara nodded firmly. "Of course."
This time he spent with Gaara was probably the only time of the day he wasn't annoyed or angry. Even with his reservations about Gaara, trying to keep himself at a distance, the calmness Gaara induced when he was nearby easily swept Neji away by his pace that he could not help but succumb to it. As long as no line was crossed, it was okay. It just proved his theory that mates did not equate to lovers. It could just be a good friend.
He looked around for Natsu, still waiting for his sword to arrive. Rather than Natsu emerging with his sword in hand; however, Sugo came, bowing deeply. "Master, pardon the interruption, but a problem has occurred at the servant quarters that require your attention."
"What is it?" Neji had to stop himself from scowling. One problem after another, angry that his time with Gaara was interrupted, but also silently worried that there was another betrayal in his midst. "Speak."
"After the recent betrayals, I have been conducting random inspections on the servant quarters to ensure that there are not any more rats hiding as they are likely to let their guard down after the two previous perpetrators had been caught. All the servants have complied to the sudden inspections. However, when we reached, Natsu-san and Haru-san's room, Haru would not allow the inspection and caused a disturbance. He would not even consent to a body check. Natsu-san became involved soon after to defend his younger brother. Since they are Hyuuga-sama's personal servants, I did not wish to act rashly and judge their actions on your behalf."
It was only just now that Neji realized Haru was not nearby to wait on Gaara. What was he doing by the servant quarters at this time of night when he was meant to be working? "Gaara-san, why is Haru not with you?"
Gaara's eyes shifted suspiciously. "I… I told him to write something for me. I wanted him to rest, not be here. I wanted to train alone."
He was lying and hiding something. "Is that so," Neji said emotionally closing off. Gaara knew he was caught in a lie, shame crossing his features, but he did not try to correct or explain himself. He did not know what he had expected from the foreigner. Why did he hope Gaara would tell him the truth or be surprised he was trying to protect someone who he spoke familiarly with?
"I will see to the matter. Gaara-san should return to his room for safety. Lee-kun, please escort him back."
Alarm crossed the foreigner's face as he called out with uncertainty, "Nej—?"
"This is my household affair. It does not concern you," Neji cut him off, turning his sharp gaze onto Gaara. "Wait in your room obediently and do not needlessly get involved."
Gaara backed down, meekly responding, "I understand."
Seeing Gaara back down felt wrong. It made something inside him uncomfortable as his stomach squirmed. He had to turn his back on him to keep his conviction, leaving Gaara behind.
The servant quarters were in a separate building. Many servants shared sleeping quarters with other servants, all sleeping on futons next to one another in a large room. The only exceptions were Natsu and Haru who had their own room. It started because they were so young when they moved in. Young humans to be exact. To protect them, Neji gave them their own room. It was not typical treatment of new servants, but it wasn't typical when Neji brought two twelve-year-old humans in to be his personal servants either. It no doubt made some servants jealous about the amount of trust Neji had given to the twins who had come out of nowhere. As they grew and turned into vampires, Neji had never forced them to switch rooms, letting them keep that privilege. If they had ever abused or flaunted that favoritism, Neji would have taken it away, but Natsu and Haru had always remained the most hardworking and humble, often working the hardest and longest, rarely having an opportunity to utilize the room.
The area around the door to the room was surrounded by guards, weapons drawn. Haru was standing in front of the door, face entirely calm despite the situation. Natsu was the one showing some reservation as he stood in front of his brother protectively. His eyes would dart back towards Haru who looked forward unwavering.
"Master!" one of the guards announced, bowing. The others followed suit, showing Neji their respects, but Neji's attention was on the twins who had bowed as well. Surrounded, they looked their physical age, young men barely out of adulthood. They knew they were in trouble. For the first time, their bodies were shivering like small frightened kittens, terrified of what Neji would do.
He kept himself from exhaling heavily. He approached, looking down at the two young men. "Will you stop me from entering?" he asked them.
They were quiet for a few precious seconds showing just how reluctant they were, but together they said, "We would never dare to."
Neji was relieved to hear those words from them. "Leave two guards to standby outside, everyone else is dismissed."
"Yes, Master!" the guards exclaimed, bowing. Sugo was much less inclined to leave, worry on his face as he looked from his master to the twins. Finally, he too left.
"Haru, Natsu, come." Neji walked past the two boys, entering the room. They quickly followed behind him, closing the door after.
Neji stood in the middle of the room. A simple six tatami mat room. There was no furniture or decorations. Even their futons were placed away in the closet. No one would know that the room was in use if they were not told. After working for him for so long, they did not appear to have spent any of the money given to them on personal affects.
Neji turned to the twins, both on their knees and waiting for Neji to address them. "What is it that you are hiding that you wish to keep hidden from others?" he asked them.
The twins glanced at each other, silently communicating. Eventually, it was Haru that moved, pulling up one of the tatami mats and lifting out a small simple wooden altar. Neji bit the inside of his cheek, seeing the crucifix tailed onto it. "And the reason you won't be searched?" He asked stiffly. Both Haru and Natsu reached into their clothes, pulling out wooden rosaries, showing them to him.
Neji breathed in slowly. "Get rid of them," he told them. He would pretend he didn't see anything and put this all behind him.
"We… c-can't," Haru stuttered. Never once in Neji's life had he ever heard one of the twins stutter. Natsu also remained silent, signaling his defiance to the order as well.
"Is your religion more important than me?" he asked them. "If someone working for the shogunate were to find out, I would be liable for harboring you. You will be executed, and I will lose face. Are you willing to be an inconvenience to me?"
"Okaa-san made them for us," Haru whispered.
"The last time we saw her…" Natsu trailed off.
They were terrified, torn between duty and the wooden beads and cross in their shaking hands. 60 years of service and never had they asked anything of him. If this got out it would be difficult to cover. There was no benefit for keeping this hidden. He should have everything burned to destroy any leverage against him.
"Continue to keep them hidden. Do not let me see or hear them," Neji said, unable to hide a sigh this time. "And hide your altar better."
"Yes, Master," the twins put their heads to the floor. "Thank you, Master."
"I will attend to myself. Stay here and reflect on your wrongdoings until I call for you." Neji was already moving to leave before they confirmed his orders. If this was all the twins were hiding, he should be grateful. Whether their god existed or not, he did not know, and truthfully, he did not care. Every day it something new, something else to give him stress. No new leads on his brother. This mate issues he was trying to deny. Traitors lingering in his midst. Those threats kept hanging over his head without an end solution in sight. Always fearing, always on edge.
He meant to go to his room, but he found himself standing outside Gaara's. It had to be the rumored pull right? Why else would he be here? Because they were friends? He may have told Gaara that, but he did not believe it even if he hoped that was his end goal. Currently, he did not know where Gaara stood with him. He did not want to walk away from this door, but he was still afraid of what acknowledging Gaara as a man meant. The possible threat he posed and the many forms it could come in.
But after seeing the twins, he wanted to see him. He pulled open the door without announcing himself, entering.
Gaara never seemed to mind his rude behavior. Neji wondered if it was a cultural difference or if Gaara knew his place, not willing to scold Neji for his lack of etiquette as the owner of this house and technically Gaara himself. Gaara just looked up with mild surprise. Neji had been quite cold to him only moments before. He probably had not expected to see him so soon, but rather than anger or contempt, he looked at Neji with worry as if he was afraid Neji was still angry at him.
He was used to people being wary of showing their emotions, trying to hide any emotion that could be deemed rude or an inconvenience to others. People did not show worry for him. Did not express it. He did not want them to. He would rather die than feel their pity, their jealousy, or their fear. But when Gaara's fear of being in trouble with him marred his features, his worry whenever he thought Neji was hurting or struggling, his self-conscious smiles whenever he thought he did something right, they felt like genuine emotions, emotions that cracked Neji's barriers and evoked emotions inside that Neji had thought had long died.
He feared the changes he had begun to notice in himself, but he could not give up this feeling, not willingly. The feeling of being human. And right now, as he lingered in the doorway looking at the young man who had entered his life, he wanted to feel human and not just a shell. Not a being who stood alone, going through the motions of life who did not feel or care about anyone or anything.
It was as if all his years of standing alone, all his years of dealing with his problems and suffering in silence, and the weight of all his sacrifices he chose to give hit him at once like a large wave, sweeping him off his feet and being dragged in the ocean. Overpowering with no chance of regaining his footing. Fatigue pulled at his body, his face became drawn as it cracked from its stoic facade, betraying his weariness life had brought him. He closed the door behind him, but it felt heavy as it slid upon its track.
Quietly, in a voice barely above a whisper, he asked, "Will you play for me?"
It was such a simple request, and though Gaara's eyes showed he had reservations, he quickly said yes, going to get the koto Neji had special ordered for him after the first performance. Gaara scrambled to prepare. His cheeks were a little flushed as he moved about. It was times like this Neji could not help but be endeared. His subtle but genuine expressions towards the things Neji said and did.
Gaara had him sit on a pile of brightly colored cushions which Neji was hesitant to do. Neji had not been in Gaara's room since before they had left for the camp, eating, conversing, and entertaining each other outside their private quarters, so he had not seen the items his shadow guard had managed to recover from various merchants around the country from the boy's homeland.
There was some sort of thin blankets over the tatami mats that were colorful and had ornate designs. Similarly, colorful sheets were draped from the ceiling, cascading down the walls. There was a small, square, wooden table that was black and gold near the pile of blankets that was low to the ground with a small pile of foreign books. On top of the small pile was what looked to be a golden horse statue, misshaped with its neck too long and a hump on its back. Lastly, there was a long red ornate box in the corner. The box came up just below Neji's knees and about the length of Neji's arm. No doubt there were more foreign objects inside.
He had forgotten he had told his guard to look for and buy any Middle Eastern items from the few foreign merchants in the country. This was probably all that Japan had from that area of the world, located in this one room. It was somehow not much yet very overwhelming. For Neji, he had never seen so many colors and designs in one place. Blankets to be stepped on, sheets on the walls, cushions spread out to lay upon, it was a bit of a culture shock that he just stared at the room, trying to digest it all. It clashed heavily with Japan's minimalistic culture.
"Does it make you uneasy?" Gaara asked, setting the koto down. His voice wavered a little, waiting for Neji's verdict.
Neji's eyes finally settled on Gaara. Instantly he knew that Gaara would restore the room if he voiced disapproval. Honestly, the room was a bit too much for him. Too much of a contrast to what he was used to, surrounded by things he had never seen before. The discomfort twisted his stomach, but he responded with a question of his own. "In your home country, does your room look like this?"
Gaara finished his preparation to play as he responded. "A little. These have clumsy quality. Threads in my room are softer. Large windows lead outside with very thin cloths to cover. So a lot of sun and heat. Incense will often fill my room, and the walls are made of stone with beautiful pictures carved in them." As he talked about his home, his face grew nostalgic with the memory. "This is more like a war tent than my bedroom."
He must be missing his home. If Neji was uncomfortable with this little, he could only imagine how Gaara had suffered until now. "Your tastes are unique," Neji settled to say, knowing that if he had said those words to another Japanese person, it would be interpreted that Neji was insinuating he did not like it. He relied on Gaara's ignorance, not wanting to lie to him, but not wanting to discourage him either. "If Gaara-san likes it, then it should stay."
Like a puppy, Gaara perked up, relieving Neji that Gaara had not picked up his true meaning. He did not want to take something away from Gaara that gave him comfort. "Lay down. I will play."
Neji eyed the pillows warily, wondering how to do that without losing his dignity. Finally, he decided. If Gaara could quietly adapt to Japanese culture, asking for almost no special treatment, Neji could try adapting this one time.
Awkwardly, he sat down and leaned back, trying to find a way to sit comfortably. He could not sit up straight as he had been taught with the way the pillows were situated and forced to lean back against the pillows, body as stiff as a board. He tried to hide his embarrassment. Was he doing this right?
There was a little amusement in Gaara's eyes but said nothing as he looked down at the koto and started playing.
Quickly, Neji's embarrassment was forgotten as the music enveloped him. Though foreign, something about it resonated with him. Was it because Gaara was the one playing it? It was better than before. His room was not too far away from Gaara's. Sometimes he would pass by the room or wake in the late evening hearing Gaara practicing. He was happy Gaara was using his gift so often, and he would spend a moment or two just standing to listen not letting his presence or attention be known to Gaara.
Though he had not gotten used to the strange sound of the foreign music, he closed his eyes, letting himself drown in the sound.
He did not realize he had fallen asleep until the music stopped, and a servant was calling for him, telling him that his "guest" for the night had arrived. He did not move, not eager to go to the woman he had called for. How did he sleep so easily in front of Gaara? Not just today. Even in the military camp, he slept deeply beside Gaara. He would always wake when others approached or remain wary if he had to sleep in the presence of others. Was this another mate side effect?
He did not move or answer the servant, still lying amongst the pillows, lacking the will to move. He should get up as he should not keep his guest waiting, but he did not want to.
"Should I keep playing?" Gaara had asked him.
Neji opened his eyes, meeting Gaara's eyes accidentally. Gaara's eyes were always warm to stare into yet held an intensity that could intimidate others. They were beautiful.
Neji closed his eyes. He had to return to reality. This reprieve he could not continue to dwell in. Too many problems and little time to deal with them if he wanted to get ahead of it. "I have inconvenienced you long enough. My apologies for coming by unannounced."
Neji got up, a little annoyed when he struggled to get out of the cushions and pillows ungracefully. He would probably change women after tonight. This one did not seem to offer what he was looking for either.
Gaara sat up, on his knees, reaching out but immediately retracted his hand. "Neji, um." His cheeks reddened. "Can we… be together tomorrow… Just us."
The request took him by surprise, but he recalled what Gaara had said earlier that day. He had been lonely. He supposed there was no one else for Gaara to ask. He felt happy that Gaara asked him. Unfortunately, he had to say, "Tomorrow is not a good time, but in three days I can. Is this okay?"
Gaara nodded, looking away bashfully, gaining a small smile from Neji. "Then if you will excuse me." Neji exited the room, his small smile startling the few servants who saw it, but he did not notice. He just had to wait three days.
Once again, he found himself swamped with work. It never bothered him before. His only real complaint before was a mild concern that his swordsmanship skills would rust if it went on too long without training, but even then, it was more a practical worry. A means to protect himself and get his revenge. One could even make an argument that was a responsibility of his as well and therefore work.
He had always been a hard worker, even as a human. Picking up the slack when someone failed to, working before the sun rose to long past sunset. He had been weak at building connections with people, refusing to go out drinking and eating with his colleagues unless his master or brother urged him to. There had always been a comfort working in his past life and this one. As long as he was doing something, not being idle, he might be able to prevent things, bad things, from happening. If he worked harder, he could ensure he wouldn't starve. If he practiced more, he had a better chance of protecting his master. It also had the added bonus of keeping his mind occupied from undesirable thoughts.
And yet he sat there, fighting the urge to burn the mountain of reports on his desk. If he did not have all this work, he could have accepted Gaara's request. While he could not promise a whole day to Gaara, he planned to get as much done as he could to dedicate as much time as he could. The question was if he should give him time in the day or the night. Humans needed sleep and the dim light wasn't good for human eyesight. But staying up during the day is difficult now that he had switched back to a night schedule. It would be rude if he couldn't give the attention and energy Gaara deserved.
He sighed, catching himself in the middle. He needed to get his affairs in order. Without Haru and Natsu at his side, he was feeling their absence. The servants that filled in for him rarely worked with him directly and did not know his habits or his preferences as intuitively as the twins, forcing him to explain his orders in more detail when he realized the servant was not sure what Neji wanted with a glance or gesture alone. He also realized there were many things he did not normally ask for; the service or items were provided for him before he could think of it because the twins knew him so well. This of course caused things to go slower than he was used to, breaking the flow of his work.
The good thing was, some of his work would be lessened in a month or so. He had appointed his new figurehead, Yamato Tenzo. The young man had good eyes and a strong heart. He knew right from wrong and who his superiors were. He cared for the people and was not swayed by corruption. He was a good person to replace Toriyama. And to prevent another case like Toriyama's, Yamato agreed to send his son who would inherit his position to Neji for training at a young age for education. Neji would also choose his wife if Tenzo did not find a suitable candidate within a year that Neji approved of.
Part of the reason for all the work was setting up Yamato's debut as the new daimiyo as well as orchestrating the rumors about him to improve the people's perception of him. Then there was the training they were giving Yamato to prepare for his role. Though Neji was the one who made all the important decisions, Yamato was the one people would see and interact with and there were some decisions he would have to learn to make without Neji's approval. He also had to become familiar with the land he would be overlooking and the lords nearby and the political situation in the capital. He also needed to know a generalization of where Neji's interest lay so that he did not accidentally support the opposition with his words or actions. Once Yamato was settled, some of the work would disappear and he would no longer have to pay so much attention to the day-to-day operations of the town.
Neji rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the tension from looking down so long. If he worked a little bit more, he could finish some of tomorrow's report as well. He might even finish early.
He heard Sugo at his door before the old man even announced himself. Neji dipped his brush into the ink, asking in a monotone voice, "Is there another issue that causes you to hesitate?"
Sugo opened the sliding door, entering inside and bowing to his lord. "My sincere apologies for disturbing you, Hyuuga-sama. It is impudent of me to even think of asking as I am just a lowly servant, but I wished to inquire if you would be willing to tell this old servant the reason why Haru-san ad Natsu-san refused to be searched."
"I was not aware the issue concerned you. I thought declaring their punishment was enough." Neji wasn't particularly offended, but it was hard to tell with his detached tone. He had ordered people to die with the same tone before, so it was difficult for others to interpret his mood.
"I am not questioning your decision. I am just worried. I have worked for you for a long time and one of the first to pledge my loyalty. I am wary of those who have secrets and do not have the trust of the servants."
Neji did not even pause in his writing, though his mind was on something else. "The servants do not trust them?"
"I am sure they are not at fault. They dedicate so much time to Hyuuga-sama, they have not had much time to bond with the others. The incident has put the servants on edge and rumors have spread."
"Is it not your job to stop such rumors and keep the servants in line?"
"Yes, but though I have silenced them from speaking, the atmosphere has soured. I was hoping there may have been an explanation I can provide them that may help to put them at ease."
Neji could understand the twins' position. He had been isolated not only because he focused on his work but because his master had favored him, their jealousy clouding their view of him and willing to listen to any bad rumor that whispered through their ranks. He did not take the time to bond with his colleagues and relieve some of the tension between them, so few came to his defense when he needed it back then.
Though the ire of his colleagues had not bothered him much at the time, used to his character being slandered since he was young, his master had visited him to console him, offering to pour him a drink under the blooming sakura trees. Neji had not understood why, and when he asked his master, his master just smiled warmly, refilling his cup. He told Neji of a Chinese idiom that had brought tears to Neji's eyes, overwhelmed with the emotions that had filled Neji, who proudly and loudly reaffirmed his devotion to his master. A teacher for a day is a father for a lifetime.
His master had been his teacher. He taught him values, how to live, and how to fight. He taught a poor orphan thief how to stand proudly with honor and be more than what his station of life dictated. His master, the kind man that he was, thought of Neji as not only his student but as a son. Though his master no longer functioned as his teacher as he aged but as his master, his master continued to watch over him, protect him, and a had become a source of wisdom and advice.
Perhaps that was why he could never be too harsh on Haru and Natsu. If it had been another servant, he would have forced them to get rid of their altar and rosaries and, had they refused, he would have exiled them, not wanting to involve himself with the trouble they could bring. Seeing their trembling forms, he could not. They were not afraid of his anger or the punishments they might receive. Whenever they did wrong, they had always accepted punishment in silence without fear. What they were afraid of, was Neji sending them away and breaking ties with them. They were afraid of Neji's disapproval.
He had also once been their teacher, going to their house twice a month to educate them. He taught them how to ride a horse and how to read and write. He could not say he was a good teacher, but their mother was Korean and did not know how to read or write, and Neji was not sure of divulging their existence to another in fear they would be reported with Korea being an enemy at the time during the invasion of Korea.
When he saw the twins trusting him with their secret and hoping Neji would not send them away, he had thought of that idiom and could not bring himself to abandon them.
However, he did not like his phrasing Sugo had used. "Do you not trust them?" he asked.
"The incident has made me unsettled. It was not long ago that we had traitors within our walls, and I am afraid that something similar may happen. Hyuuga-sama was also attacked directly not too long ago. I can believe Natsu-san is a man of honor. He did not interfere until his brother was in trouble and defending one's family is one of the most honorable things one can do. However, Haru-san was very suspicious and after Hyuuga-sama had publicly punished him, I cannot help but feel uncertainty about him with the rumors going around. I hoped Hyuuga-sama could help put my mind at ease."
Neji had to fight his body from tensing. He couldn't give his thoughts away. "What rumors do you speak of?"
Sugo immediately clammed up, sweat on his brow. "Please do not misunderstand, Master, I did try to stop its spread amongst the servants and would never dare repeat them and soil your ears with such slander as he is still master's mate."
Neji's eyes narrowed. "You say I am your master, but you decide what things I may or may not hear. I must be stupid as I was not aware that you had so much power over me." Anyone brave enough to slander Gaara must be asking to die by his hand. Gaara lacked manners and etiquette but he did his best to not be demanding or unreasonable. He would not stand for rumors spreading about him, but what did that have to do with Haru?
Sugo responded. "I ask that master keep in mind that I have dedicated many years to your service as you receive this news. This servant is just repeating the rumors I have heard. I did not have my suspicions against Haru-san without reason. There have been rumors of Haru-san spending long periods of time alone in the young master's room, long after it is said the young master had retired for the night and rumors of Haru-san leaving early in the morning to wash the young master's soiled sheets every morning. In addition, he has been seen practicing an unknown language and meeting with the young master's old tutor frequently. The servants were beginning to wonder if perhaps they have an… unsavory relationship."
Hearing these things was like a shot in the heart. He was angry, but he wasn't sure where to point his anger at. Was he angry Gaara and Haru for possibly engaging in such a relationship, Sugo for not telling him this sooner, or Haru for being so close to Gaara in the first place to allow such rumors to form and possibly causing a misunderstanding? His hand itched to throw something, and it was hard to sit still and continue remaining impassive when he wanted to demand answers this instant.
"Do you also believe these rumors?" It killed Neji that he could not even add the word unfounded. If what Sugo said was true, there was a reason for such rumors to spread.
"This servant is not too bright, but I can say that I believe that if Haru-san has not gone mad and tried to claim the young master for himself, then he is working with the young master with foreign nationals. I am not eloquent and cannot paint my words well, so forgive my bluntness, but it cannot be a coincidence that these things have happened after the young master's arrival is suspicious. I had hoped to find out Haru-san's intentions during the inspection."
Steeling his emotions, he managed to say his next words indifferently, though he felt anything but. "There was nothing significant to be reported. Haru and Natsu were just afraid of being caught with erotic novels. They are just children who have never known the embrace of a woman and were curious. I could not punish such curiosity harshly. They have been scolded and will not bring such items into the residence again."
"I see. I will do my best to dispel the rumors amongst the staff, but I do implore you, master, please do not let your guard down. I fear for your health and safety."
Neji nodded, dismissing Sugo from his presence. How easy it was to lie for them, but the doubt was there. Haru and Gaara. The thought made his blood boil, and he was ashamed of it. Did he not once hope that Gaara would fall in love with someone else when he had first arrived? He could set them up in a private residence in the mountains, like he had down for Haru's mother and let them live their lives away from his eyes. He would never have to think about their improper relationship, and Gaara would not be abandoned, and he would be protected. So why was there so much anger at the thought of it?
The thought that one or both were betraying him to foreign nationals did not make him feel much better. Rather than anger, it was sadness, similar to the one he felt when his brother betrayed him. He may have feared this outcome more. If any of this was true, what had he done to deserve such malice? Why so many betrayals from people he trusted the most?
Who could ever love you?
A woman's voice resonated in his head in response to his question. Cold, chilling, full of disdain and hatred.
You aren't my child. You're a demon. Why won't you just die?
Neji closed his eyes, taking in a shaky breath, trying to push the memory away, but the voice was just as clear as the day it was said over 300 years ago. He could feel pressure around his neck and his throat closing up. He needed to breathe, he told himself, forcing another shaky breath.
My little Neji-kun, a smooth deep timber voice said playfully, you really are a foolish child. How could anyone love a disgusting and perverted creature like you?
Neji's eyes snapped open, his heart beating against his ribcage. His heart was racing so much, he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. He couldn't let this control him. He had changed. He was not like that anymore.
He summoned for Kakashi, taking the time to steady his nerves while he waited. His body felt weak and he clasped his hands, squeezing tightly to keep himself from shaking. He thought he had overcome this, why was it reappearing now of all times.
Kakashi entered from the ceiling, keeping his visit to Neji a secret. When Neji summoned Kakashi, it was always because he wanted the information and meeting kept secret, otherwise, he would not be able to hide Kakashi's true profession from his advisors for so long.
Kakashi bowed to Neji, silently awaiting Neji's request.
"I have caught wind of suspicious behaviors of my servant Haru. I am certain you have already heard the rumors circulating. How much is true?"
Kakashi answered immediately, his deep and rough voice making any news no matter how minor sound serious. "It is true Haru-san spends many nights and parts of the day in the young master's room alone. It is also true that he washes soiled bedsheets smelling of sex often. However, I do not believe they are engaging in such activities. As you know, the young master is a healthy young man, morning accidents are common, and when master does not visit, the young master has little to do and stays in his room listlessly. There has been no evidence of wrongdoing."
So there was truth in Sugo's words. The shadow guard did not think anything was wrong, so he should be satisfied with that, yet he still could not rid himself of doubt. It felt like he was slowly suffocating from the pressure. "Keep a closer eye on them. Report to me if something changes."
"Yes, master." Kakashi left the way he came.
After that, Neji left his study. He could no longer work with the weight on his mind. Instead, he went to the woman he knew would be waiting for him for that night.
Upon seeing him, she smiled flirtatiously at him, and said, "My lord, you're always so busy."
He had switched women again, this time entertaining a rather clingy woman. She hung onto his arm unabashedly, inappropriately touching him, acting more like a prostitute than the proper and traditional women he had tried to get close to before.
In truth, he found her to be quite intolerable, but after seven previous women not satisfying him and not having any interest in them, he decided it would not hurt to try something new. It was not like he had been attracted to people like those previous women in the past.
His brother wasn't like that and neither was…
He cleared his head, stopping himself from thinking and trying to ignore the breasts pressed against his arm. It was only the second day, and he was annoyed with her and planned to send her on her way after a bit of release tonight. He felt the woman was aware he was planning to send her away as well. She seemed extra clingy and coy tonight.
But after earlier, he wanted to get his mind off of it by any means necessary. He brought her to his room.
Despite laying with all these women, he had been feeling increasingly dissatisfied sexually. He had never had much of a sex drive after becoming a vampire. After what happened, why would he? He scratched the itch when it came which was rare. The past two weeks, however, he seemed constantly dissatisfied.
But tonight would be different, he told himself, looking down at the woman who sat on his futon without permission. This time he would make himself enjoy it if just to stop thinking. He didn't want to think of Haru, Gaara, the traitors, his brother, anyone. He was just a normal man indulging in his desires. He knelt down, crawling over her.
Though he was used to sleeping with women, the experience was never that enjoyable. He was careful not to hurt his partners, and he tried to make it somewhat enjoyable for them as well, but it was not a priority. Whether he was mentally or emotionally invested did not matter. Today, however, was a little different.
There was a scent, one not familiar to him but not completely unknown. It was spicy yet sweet like incense, with an undertone of earth, and it was heady. It was weak at first, going past his notice consciously as he kissed and fondled the woman beneath him. But as time went on, the smell started to take over his senses. He kissed her more passionately, shrugged out of his clothes quickly as if it was burning his skin.
This smell was like a drug, an aphrodisiac even as he rutted against the woman in his bed. His mind was muddled as the smell gently embraced and wrapped around him, growing stronger. The woman's touch felt soothing, easing the growing need inside him, but it wasn't enough.
Gaara would probably know what to do to ease this feeling. Did Gaara ever feel like this? This insatiable need that was devouring him. As the scent became stronger, the more his thoughts clouded with thoughts of Gaara. What would Gaara feel like underneath him? He was strong but had a surprisingly fragile side. Would he cry if Neji did this to him? Perhaps he would turn red with embarrassment. How far down did that blush reach? His skin made such a beautiful color when it was tinged red, the blood rushing just right below the surface. It always made his fangs ache. He wanted a taste.
His nails dug into the tatami mat when he climaxed, moaning softly. His eyes opened, staring down at the woman underneath him. Seeing her blissful face, he must have bitten her at some point. He couldn't remember. Seeing her, his own feel-good state dissipated, leaving only lingering disgust. He always felt mildly disgusted when he finished, but this time it was significantly stronger, almost like he was repulsed by her.
He closed his eyes, to push back the urge to kill her. She did as he had requested and was paid for. He had no reason to harm her, so why did the sex feel so satisfying during but left him highly frustrated and angry afterward.
He heard a thump, drawing his attention immediately towards it, his eyes narrowing at the source. It appeared to have come from his closet where his futon was normally stored. He sat up, eying the closet, noting it was slightly ajar. Wasn't it normally completely closed?
He sat on his heels, his hand reaching for a weapon near his futon when Haru spoke up outside the door. "Excuse me, my lord. Forgive me for leaving my quarters, but an urgent matter has arisen with Seiryu-sama, and I was needed to stabilize the situation. He is requesting to see you."
Neji's mouth thinned, eyes still on the closet. "Come in and help me dress and have someone take Natsumi-chan back." The woman was still blitzed out on his venom, and a guard came in to escort her back just as Haru entered to make him presentable as quickly as possible. He would prefer to take a bath, but Seiryu-sama could not be left waiting, so a cold rag was the best he could do.
As Haru quickly worked as if he had never left Neji's side, Neji kept eying the closet. There were no further sounds that he could hear, though it was getting noisy outside from servants scattering about in a panic. Dressed, he left the room, but not before motioning for Kakashi, who happened to be nearby, to check the room. If there was an intruder, they would be dealt with appropriately.