Neji walked quickly to the guest room where Seiryu was apparently staying, being led by Haru. Indeed whatever happened had put the servants on edge, freezing with fear as Neji passed, afraid Neji would force them to take responsibility. Haru was the only one who seemed calm, though few things shook Haru and Natsu. He had planned to allow the twins to leave later that night, a few hours early made little difference if it meant Seiryu left satisfied.

A servant stood at the door, seeing Neji approach, he announced his presence to Seiryu. Seiryu gave him permission to enter, his voice sounding a bit off, causing Neji to frown. The servant opened the door for Neji.

Seiryu was seated at a table, sipping at a cup of tea, sitting across from Nara who stood and bowed to show his greetings and respect. He turned his head, smiling softly at Neji. His appearance had changed since the last time Neji had saw him. His skin was slightly paler and the luster in his hair had lost some of its sheen. The changes were minor, only seen by the very observant. It was minor enough to even be chalked up to a rough day for most, but as long as Neji had known Seiryu, his appearance had never changed. He was still regal and imposing, his eyes the only clue of his dangerous and animalistic nature behind his polite smile, but even his aura seemed a little weaker.

"Hyuuga-san, I'm afraid I gave your servants a little bit of a scare," he said, gesturing for Neji to come sit. It always bothered him whenever Seiryu acted like he owned Neji's house, but what could he do other than going along with whatever Seiryu wanted if he intended to maintain a good relationship.

"Seiryu-sama," Neji bowed. "I hope you are well. I was informed you lost consciousness near the training grounds."

Seiryu's eyes looked behind Neji where Haru stood, then flicked back to Neji. "Yes, it was quite undignified. A little rest and I will be fine."

Neji did not contradict him, but he knew a little rest would not fix the problem as Seiryu still had not taken a bride. He was still fixated on having Itachi. As a result, his power was draining little by little. It was only going to worsen. "Seiryu-sama could never appear undignified in this servant's eyes. Shall I summon Itachi-san back from his mission?"

"Leave him be. My white lotus is very shy. If I pursue him too aggressively, he will be angry and run away again. I can patiently wait for when he returns on his own." Seiryu took another drink of his tea. Curious he was drinking tea when he preferred sake. While sake was good for the spirit, tea was good for the body. Knowing how much the god loved sake, his body was probably worse than he let on.

"Nara-san, I was not expecting you to be here entertaining Seiryu-sama," Neji said, some of his annoyance slipping in for a brief moment as he sat down beside Nara.

"Seiryu-sama was curious about mates, so I am offering my insight," Nara answered sitting back down.

"I see…" Neji had to prevent himself from clenching his jaw. Why did it have to be that conversation? Unable to say anything else about it or think of a reason to leave, he ordered a servant to bring him sake. He was going to need it.

"I have experienced what I think may be symptoms. I am unfamiliar with the concept as I often do not bother with human affairs, but as it affects Itachi-san, and myself to an extent, I wished to learn more." Seiryu filled in.

"I was just explaining to Seiryu-sama about the tethered connection," Nara picked up, pouring himself some tea as well. "This information was mostly rumored until now as mates are very rare, and yet three pairs have appeared in the last several months in the same place. I've been able to confirm to a degree that it has validity to it from what I've seen."

Neji was thankful that the servant returned with alcohol. Nara had only just begun speaking and it was already irritating him. Though, Nara did have a strange point. Mates were extremely rare. All of them had heard about the phenomenon but none of them had met a mated pair until now. Was it a coincidence because so many vampires had converged under his leadership rather than wandering about on their own, or were the gods just mocking him?

"When a mated pair meets, a connection is formed. Think of it as the red string a fate between them taking a more solid form. The length is long, and the string is weak. At this point, both mates can still drift away from one another and see each other as a fleeting thought. However, as they interact and their hearts begin to meet, the length shortens, and the strength increases. It becomes more difficult for the mates to separate. Which is where Seiryu-sama's problem lies."

Problem? Neji glanced up at Seiryu. His expression had changed little, but the god's eyes seemed to have a somber understanding.

"I see," Seiryu-sama said, and that was all he said, leaving Neji confused as to what he was missing. It was not Neji's place to ask, so he could not ask for an elaboration. From what he knew, Itachi had shown little interest in the god and often tried to avoid him. If there was a love in Itachi's life, it was his little brother who Itachi was willing to kill and lose his dignity for in order to protect him.

"If the tether becomes short enough, the actions of one will start affecting the other. If one tries to pull away, the other is yanked towards them. The closer they are, the stronger the reaction."

"Yanked?" Neji asked aloud.

"Hn," Nara nodded, somewhat distracted by his own thoughts. "It can show up in different ways depending on how the other is trying to pull away. If one tries to run, the other may try to seek them out. If one is unfaithful, the other may find themselves painfully aroused, yearning for their lover. I can only assume this is so the tether cannot break. The closer they are, the harder it is for them to live without the other."

What foolishness, Neji thought drinking from his cup. There was no possibility that it was true. He had not felt those things. At times, he wished to enjoy Gaara's company, but he never felt compelled to, and Gaara had never shown such symptoms either. He ignored the fact there was a shot of guilt when the word "unfaithful" was said. There was nothing to be unfaithful about. They were not lovers, and you could not be unfaithful to another male to begin with. There was no institution or ceremony that would bind them.

"But these are just rumors and my own observations. I cannot know how accurate this information is."

"Could the effects apply disproportionately?" Seiryu asked. "If one is more invested than the other?"

"I am not sure," Nara replied honestly, scratching the back of his head. "It could be possible; however, the concept of mates to begin with is they are compatible in every way. I cannot imagine one side becoming invested and not the other."

"That is disappointing to hear," Seiryu replied. He almost succeeded in sounding disinterested though his eyes betrayed the god's true thoughts, reflecting his words.

"If you would permit, I could continue looking for a bride for you, Seiryu-sama?" Neji offered. The mate business aside, Seiryu weakening meant an oncoming drought. It was a situation he would prefer to avoid as he had not prepared for such a situation.

Seiryu merely shook his head. "I believe he will come to me in time. I will not be unfaithful."

Neji could not understand where the god got his belief from. Why was he so certain Itachi would accept his proposal? Itachi had rejected him before so he was not afraid of offending the god, and Seiryu was not forcing Itachi to choose him either using his authority and power of a god, so why? Where did this confidence come from?

"I hope this information is of use to you, Seiryu-sama. This servant wishes I could be of more help." Nara bowed.

"Your information was of great use to me. Look forward to compensation for your time."

"Thank you, Seiryu-sama."

Seiryu allowed Nara to leave; Neji wished Seiryu would do the same to him, but the dragon god seemed not to be done with him yet.

They sat in silence. Neji was not inclined to speak, and it appeared Seriyu had no intention either as they both drank their respective drinks. Did Seiryu intend to keep him long? While Neji was no longer in the mood to work, he did not wish to stay here until sunrise either.

"I killed three of your shadow guard trainees earlier," Seiryu said, his voice as calm as the ocean. Why wouldn't it be, gods often dictated who lived or died based on a whim. Though Seiryu rarely killed on whims. It made people mistake him for being kind and benevolent when in reality he just did not make a big show of it. It was done then cleaned up quickly and forgotten, fast enough that it did not draw many people's attention. It was however the first time Seiryu touched one of his people as Neji made sure not to upset him, knowing he was far more dangerous than he let on.

"Then they must have done something to offend you. As their master, I bear my subordinates' sins." Neji bowed, swallowing his pride and putting his head to the floor in an attempt to appease the god. "Their lives were not enough. I beg for your forgiveness."

Seiryu did not respond immediately, leaving Neji in that position for a while. Neji could only hear the movements of the god's draping sleeves as placed the teacup down. "I have been enraged on numerous occasions and have killed for very little. Dragons are prideful beings, and it is in our nature to anger easily. Never before have I killed simply because it was my bride who they spoke ill of."

Seiryu pulled out a woman's golden hair ornament from his sleeve. The tip of the ornament's needlepoint end was stained with dried blood that had not been completely washed off. He stared at the ornament with a gentle expression. "I truly do not understand the way humans think. Just because he dresses as a woman to complete his missions, he is subjugated to mocking and scorn. He is born with a weakened body, yet he is still the most talented and the most successful individual who does not boast of his accomplishments. Does it matter how he manages to do it as long as it does not bring shame to his master?"

Neji was unsure if he was supposed to answer. True, Itachi's actions did not bring shame to Neji, but others would see it as him discarding his dignity and pride. That he had emasculated himself, humiliated himself to achieve those results.

"I do not understand why they mock him. Gender matters less in the realm of gods. Perhaps our longevity lessens the need to have heirs and continue our line, so we do not look for partners with that in mind. But to hear them say he is less of a man because he shares my bed or because of what he wears, that he is nothing but a common whore seducing a god to increase his status…" Seiryu's voice took on a gravelly undertone, just short of a growl. The corners of his mouth stretched, widening his mouth and showing large sharp teeth, patches of light bluish scales appearing on his skin. His fingernails had become longer, sharper, and had turned black like talons. The power around Seiryu was quickly condensing, making it difficult to move or even breathe. And though his anger was increasing, he still held the ornament in his hands gently, not once increasing his delicate grip around it.

"I apologize for my lack of disciplining my foolish subordinates. What can I do to appease your anger?" Neji responded. He felt fear, being suppressed on this mighty god's power. His hands were sweating, and his body was conflicted if it should shake and cower under Seiryu's might or continue to be immobilized by the heavy pressure. If this was Seiryu weakened, he did not wish to see Seiryu at full power could do.

Neji could feel Seiryu's eyes on him without looking. He was unsure if he could last much longer with such a powerful gaze piercing him. Finally, Seriyru breathed out slowly, releasing some of his anger and hiding his dragon-like features behind his human disguise once more.

"If I was younger, I would have had your head for ever allowing me to hear such words… no, I would have killed you for even letting it be said in the first place," his thumb ran over the ornament unconsciously. "However, I am now old enough to understand it is impossible to control the mouths and minds of every single person. There is always someone too stupid or arrogant no matter how competent the master is. Plus, Itachi-san would not forgive me if I were to kill you."

So he was going to be spared simply for Itachi's sake. Did Itachi even understand how much power was currently in his hands? Knowing of Itachi's intellect there was no way he did not know. If Itachi was not so loyal, he could easily take Neji's position by simply mentioning it in passing or by a simple look in his eyes.

"I killed the ones responsible. It has appeased me enough to not take further action. As I hear you have also been having trouble with your mate, I sympathize and understand your oversight."

Trouble with his mate? Had Seiryu heard about the rumors between Gaara and Haru? Asking now would not be wise considering he had just escaped Seiryu's wrath. He would need to ask Kakashi to keep the guards' mouths in line in the future if they did not wish to die at the hands of a vengeful god. "Thank you for your mercy."

It was funny that Seiryu and Neji were partners in name, but at times like this, he was reduced to a servant himself, having to ask for forgiveness and a way to appease him. Neji was prideful like many other lords but was more willing to throw it away for his survival. Knowing when to show subservient behavior and when to push was what Seiryu liked about him. He was competent, and Seiryu let Neji get away with what some would call minor insolent behavior after working together for so long. Neji had not needed to kowtow and ask forgiveness in over a hundred years. His foolish subordinates had almost killed them all because of their loose tongues.

Seiryu dismissed Neji, and Neji could finally breathe properly once again after he managed to escape the god's direct presence. He sincerely hoped the matter between Itachi and Seiryu resolved soon, whether Itachi accepted him or Seiryu finds another bride or perishes. He could not take much more of Seiryu's constant visits.

Now that things were quiet, his mind started to drift to what Nara had spoken about earlier. He tried not to as he constantly tried to forget Gaara was his mate, but he could not stop it. From what it sounded like, Seiryu was being affected by the so-called bond between mates, so why wasn't he and Gaara? Was it because they were not close? Could he say they weren't? Neji did often spend his free time with him, so it was not as if he felt nothing for the boy. Maybe a begrudging friendship and fondness.

Unfaithfulness.

Neji stopped walking, the word reverberating in his head. It made him feel sick as his stomach churned. Perhaps he did not feel it because he was the one pulling away. If that was the case, then Gaara…

"How has Gaara-san been recently? Has he been well?" He asked Haru. He was careful to keep the disinterest in his voice, pretending it was a passing thought rather than genuine interest.

"The young master has not voiced any complaints. He is diligently studying and practicing every day," Haru replied.

"Good." It was very good. Gaara had not changed then. Neji continued walking. Well, Nara did say it was based on rumors and observations, there was no proof that what he said was true or applied to all mates.

"However," Haru continued. "I would like to give my own assessment if you would allow me, master."

Neji did not stop walking, but he paused before replying, "Why should I allow your assessment?"

"The young master still struggles with language and does not always share his thoughts or has the capability to do so. I only wish to tell you what I have observed as to give you an accurate answer to the young master's wellbeing."

What Haru said was true, and he wished it wasn't. He wanted to believe things were fine the way they were, that there wasn't something wrong with Gaara, but with what Haru was saying, he knew that was not true. As much as he wanted to stop Haru from speaking, he needed to know.

With Neji's continued silence, Haru continued speaking. "I do not believe the young master is happy about the women coming into the manner. He had been agitated lately and his mind has been elsewhere. I believe he has been having a difficult time and is keeping it to himself, not wishing to cause master any inconvenience. As a servant, it is difficult to watch the young master suffering and have no ability to stop it."

"How do you know it is suffering when you are not even sure of his thoughts? All you have said is that you believe he is unhappy, but do not truly know the cause of his off behavior." Neji replied, but he knew Gaara well enough to know that Gaara would never complain. When he was sick, when others talked behind his back, even when being brought here as a captive, he never said a word. Gaara would always choose silence over telling anyone of his discomfort and pain.

"Forgive me. This servant has made presumptions. Please forget what I said."

He did not respond to the plea of forgiveness but had forgiven him all the same. Why was he unhappy knowing that Gaara was not as well as he had appeared? Whenever he saw Neji, he had seemed so happy with a small smile on his face and bright eyes. Why did he not tell Neji what was bothering him then? Did he not trust him?

"Send for Natsu to attend me. I believe both of you have reflected on your mistakes enough."

Haru bowed and quickly hurried to do as his master said.

The uncomfortable feeling did not leave him for the rest of the night. His mind constantly drifted back to Gaara. Why did the thought of Gaara unhappy bother him so much? Tomorrow they were supposed to spend the day together. He still did not come up with an idea of how he wished to spend it.

It was getting colder, so the gardens at night were getting too cold for a human to comfortably sit. Perhaps a trip up the mountain to visit a shrine? There were few people, it would get Gaara out of the house, but would he like it? He wasn't Buddhist and didn't practice Shintoism. It may not be something he would enjoy.

He could take him to the brothel. Men tended to like places like that. It had the snacks he craved and music he liked and could have someone attend to him if he liked. But why was he hesitant to take him to that place again.

He glanced out the window, starting to see the sky beginning to lighten. Perhaps he should settle on the shrine for now if Gaara didn't have a suggestion. If they were going to go to the shrine, it was better to leave in the morning so that there was a clear path up and down the mountain, meaning he needed to prepare now.

"Natsu, tell Haru to prepare Gaara-san for a trip outside. We will leave once he has eaten breakfast."

"Yes, master."

Natsu left then returned once he finished his task to help Neji dress. Fatigue already pulled at him as the sun rose further into the sky. He should be able to make it, though he may be less inclined to talk. No, he promised to give Gaara his time. He would give him his attention too. He would muddle through it.

He dressed in some clean clothes, a red top with a dark blue hakama. The red color was uncommon and would draw the eye of undesirables, but they were comfortable and good for travel. If they ran into bandits, he could take care of it.

He stepped out of his room to see Gaara waiting, already dressed, a wrapped bento in his hands. Neji was a bit stunned to see him standing not far from his door. He wore something similar to Neji, though it was black and with golden thread, Neji's house crest sewn onto the front. Who had ordered these clothes for him? Though he had to admit he liked seeing his crest on his clothing.

Gaara didn't meet his eyes, his face was flushed to his ear tips.

"Did you eat?" he asked. "You are early."

Gaara nodded. "I could not sleep so I made food for today… is that okay or… still busy?"

Neji's eyes softened. "I am free. I was contemplating taking you to the shrine, but as you do not worship…"

"Yes!" he said enthusiastically, looking up before reigning in his behavior. "I'll go. Only us… right?"

"Only us," he agreed. At least he did not have to change plans to the brothel house. Watching Gaara's expression brighten made him smile a little. "Shall we go?"

Leaving without an escort was a bit strange. He could not remember a time he had left unaccompanied without a servant. The shrine was located up the mountain, and Neji led the way, Gaara next to him.

They made some talk, Neji forcing himself to keep his mind focused as he fought the pull of sleep. When Neji stumbled, Gaara grabbed his hand to keep him from falling. He did not let go. They did stop partway, sitting on a fallen log when Gaara asked, "Should you be outside? Isn't the sun dangerous?"

Gaara still had not let go of his hand. It was warm in his and very comforting. When their fingers were intertwined, his mind was quieted from unnecessary thoughts. Did holding hands always feel so nice? Is that why people in Gaara's country did it?

"If it is just one day, it will be fine," he assured him, squeezing his hand lightly. "If not, I'm sure you will protect me."

Gaara's blush returned. Why was he always blushing? Neji wondered, fighting the urge to touch Gaara's face. "Protecting you is easy," he said.

The bashful yet prideful response made Neji chuckle. "I have no doubt."

After a short rest, they continued on, soon seeing the stone steps leading up to the shrine. He told Gaara about the shrine, the god who possessed it, the procedures of what to do when there, and folktales that involved the god. The staircase was long and twisting, but the time passed quickly, Gaara quickly becoming invested in the folktales when his curiosity grew.

Gaara said he wouldn't pray early on, but he was fascinated by the sight of the view of the mountain, the forest, and the architecture as they approached. Neji knew Gaara was not a boy, but his excitement could not be missed. He wished he could take Gaara outside the manor more. But the only way to do that was if he brought Gaara to a secluded village filled with only Neji's people. For a second he pondered if it was possible, but reason returned when he remembered he was trying to sed Gaara home. He was making some progress recently. It was only a matter of time before he sent him away.

He reached the top of the shrine where a monk greeted them. Neji knew the monks at this shrine and knew they would not speak about Gaara. Neji asked the old monk to show them around, handing him a sizable donation for doing so.

The monk accepted the money, thanking him, before escorting them around the shrine grounds. As they walked, Neji would explain the history of the buildings and their purposes, Gaara listening to his every word.

At midday, they sat in the shrine gardens under a pavilion to eat lunch.

Gaara kept encouraging him to eat though Neji wasn't hungry. It seemed Neji's diet concerned the boy to a degree, repeatedly offering food whenever Neji ate his small portions. Since he had eaten before coming, he did not need to eat until after they returned. Eating more than his small portions usually made him sick. Vampires still needed human food, just not much of it. Perhaps a third or a quarter of what a normal person ate depending on size and age before turning. However, he could not deny Gaara as he kept offering food even with the stomachache that came with it.

After eating, Neji went to pray, Gaara quietly watching him from a distance. Once Neji finished, they started to head back at a leisurely pace.

Gaara looked tired, Neji thought when they were over halfway back to the manor. Gaara had said he had not slept, and it was beginning to show as it was nearing nearly two days of no sleep. There were dark bags under his eyes and his eyes were slightly red. His pace had slowed despite going downhill, but he kept talking as if his tiredness was of no concern. If he was tired, he should say so. Was he even enjoying himself like this or was he forcing himself?

"Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked Gaara.

Gaara paused, he had been talking about a few of his own folktales from his homeland though he kept using words Neji did not understand, making it difficult to follow. "Of course. Neji is with me."

Was his company really that interesting? Only Gaara had ever wanted to willingly be in his presence alone. Most found him dull and too strict about procedures and rules. He wasn't talkative and his view of the world was cold and harsh. Putting that aside, going to a shrine was lacking in ways. He could not buy Gaara anything nice. No books, drinks, or sweets that he liked. He could not show him how Japanese people normally interacted with each other or the smell of the market. Perhaps Gaara was satisfied with what was a boring and tedious trip for many because it was at least outside the manor walls.

Looking around, he spotted a small clearing they were currently passing. "Let us rest one last time. I am feeling tired." While he was indeed tired, he was hoping Gaara could take a short nap before resuming while extending their time outside for a little longer.

Gaara seemed more than amenable to the idea, following him to the clearing. Neji laid down in the grass and Gaara sat down beside him, a comfortable silence between them.

Neji was starting to drift now that he was no longer moving when Gaara asked in a quiet voice, "Why did you pray?"

The question was worded strangely, but he knew what Gaara was trying to ask. What did he pray for? "I prayed that the souls of those who I have killed are able to rest peacefully." Innocent souls that was. Those he fed on so that he could live. Those who had done nothing wrong and had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Do they ever haunt you?" he asked. Gaara was staring into space, no doubt recalling atrocities he had to commit when he was on the battlefield to survive.

"Yes."

They fell back into silence.

Neji drifted off to sleep. He did not know when. It was so easy to fall asleep in Gaara's presence. His presence was a warm wind, that caressed him like a longtime lover, full of love, care, and familiarity. It was a presence that carried him when he felt he was weak and drowning. And the kiss was soft, tender, and sweet, full of innocence and inexperience—

Wait, kiss?

Neji's eyes shot open. Gaara was leaned over him, his lips on Neji's. Gaara was kissing him. Kissing him.

Instinctively, Neji grabbed hold of Gaara's shoulders tightly, shoving Gaara off him, making Gaara fall hard to the ground. Neji stood up, staring at the horrified expression on the face before him. He did not know what expression he was making, but Gaara's face showed his thoughts clearly. His eyes were wide with fear and panic, his body trembling just slightly.

"L-l'a mu'achaza… 'ana 'esif." Gaara's voice shook, seemingly so shaken and horrified at his own actions that he could not even speak in Japanese, instinctively going back to his own language. His bottom lip trembled and a tear fell from his eye.

Neji turned his back to him, quickly walking away. He couldn't look at that face. He needed to leave. He needed to get as far away as possible.

"Ne-Neji! Neji!" He could hear Gaara getting up to follow him. His movements sounded desperate as he scrambled to follow. The salty smell of his tears more prominent. "Neji! Please!"

"Shut up!" Neji raised his voice, stopping Gaara from approaching further. In a quieter voice, he said in monotone, "Do not approach me again."

He kept his quick pace, leaving the boy behind. He didn't look back, walking swiftly back to the manor, the guard bowing as he passed. He noticed them searching behind him for Gaara. He supposed Gaara had not followed him.

Haru and Natsu were waiting just inside. Concern flashed in Haru's eyes when he saw his master return alone, but he did not ask, bowing as Neji approached. Natsu moved to attend him, but the cold glare shot at him told him to stay put as Neji passed. He did not want company right now. He didn't want to see anyone.

The walk to his room felt long and arduous. His stomach roiled violently. He leaned over the engawa, throwing up the excess food, falling to his knees to cough and heave up more.

What had he been expecting, he thought wiping his mouth just before vomiting again. That things would go the way he wanted? That he would be able to be friends with someone without worrying about an ulterior motive?

"Master, are you unwell?" A young female servant asked, tentatively, carrying the laundry. "Should I call for a physician?"

Another glare thrown her way made her cower and immediately silence herself. With as much dignity he could muster, he went to his room, closing the door. From the incident until now, it was hard to explain what he was feeling. His mind was foggy, his thoughts scattered and chaotic. He could not recall what he had felt. Did he feel anything? He was sure he did. He had just wanted to leave as fast as possible, but he could not remember what it was that he had felt. Now that he was alone, a wave of emotions crashed into him.

His legs lost their strength and he collapsed to the ground, putting his hands to his face, gripping and pulling his hair. Why? Why did Gaara have to do that? Men didn't love other men. Those that said they did were lying. They were just looking for pleasures of the flesh not caring as long as the face was pretty enough.

He could feel pressure around his neck like a pair of strong muscular hands had wrapped around it, squeezing with all its might. Hands. Hands were holding him down so he couldn't fight back. Hands that would beat him, and words that would berate him.

Sex with men, it hurt. It hurt so much. Gaara couldn't be like them. He trusted him. He trusted him.

Neji's breathing increased until he was hyperventilating, eyes open wide and unblinking as tears trailed from his face. His body shook and his limbs felt numb.

Why was he still alive? To be used and discard again? Was Gaara playing with him too? Did Gaara intend to hurt him too?

He felt like he was losing control, being crushed by the weight on him. He couldn't breathe. He was choking. They were choking him. He was going to die. He didn't want to die. His brother wanted him dead. He could see those amber eyes, hear his sweet words.

I love you Yu-kun.

He said those words so sweetly, but it was all a lie. His brother let them drag him away, ordered them to do it.

"Please don't," he squeaked out. "I don't like men. I lied. Don't…"

A fresh wave of tears fell down his face, and he shut his eyes, clutched his head, rocking himself, trying to protect himself from the horrid memories.

Slowly, the panic subsided, releasing its death-like grip on Neji's body, and Neji laid listlessly against the wall, feeling as if the life had been drained out of him.

How long had it been since he had an episode? Long enough that he had forgotten what they were like, how intense they were. He thought he had gotten over the past. The fear that had accompanied him that night. How weak he was to care about it. He had experienced more physical pain than that night on the battlefield and chastity meant nothing for a man. How weak he was to break down into a blubbering mess over it. After all this time, he had not become any stronger.

His breathing was still shallow, and he had no energy to move. He had no appetite despite throwing up all the food in his stomach. He was just listless, wishing to fade out of existence.

"Master." The silhouette of a guard was outlined on the shoji door thanks to the moonlight.

Night had snuck up on Neji, not knowing when the moon had risen or how long he had been in his room, neglecting his duties. He had a meeting with his advisors tonight, didn't he? "Speak."

The guard hesitated, no doubt confused by the weak and tired voice that had responded. "The youn… Hyuuga-sama's guest has arrived at the gates. Should we let him in?"

"…..yes."

The guard lingered at the door, and Neji waited for the question he knew the guard would ask. "Should I send for a doctor?"

Another long silence followed. "No."

"Shall I call for Natsu-kun?"

Neji didn't answer.

The guard eventually left, and Neji just sat there, his eyes wandering to the window and seeing the stars. What was he going to do with Gaara? Gaara was probably like him. The past him. Naïve, thinking it was okay to yearn for another man, not realizing he was confusing his emotions for another feeling. Admiration probably. Neji had saved him after all. He was confused, just like Neji had been. This would be good for the boy in the long run and open his eyes to the truth.

Natsu arrived, asking for permission to enter. At Neji's silence, Natsu entered on his own, risking Neji's wrath to do so. When Natsu did not receive a reprimand or scolding, he quickly attended to Neji, helping him sit up to strip him of his attire, and helped him bathe, wiping the sweat and bile from his body.

He wouldn't be able to meet Gaara anymore. He couldn't encourage that behavior, could not let whatever he was feeling deepen further. He should also find another place for Gaara to live. It would be safer for both of them.

Natsu was helping him dress into his nightclothes when his hands stopped after adjusting his sash. "Master, would you like to feed? Your complexion is not very good," he asked. He would not meet his master's eyes and his tone was subdued.

"No," was Neji's emotionless reply.

Natsu's hands tightened around the sash but said no more, moving to comb Neji's hair.

Neji's eyes glanced at the mirror, catching his reflection. His red and lifeless eyes, hollowed out face, and the sickly pallor of his skin, he was a mess. It was no wonder Natsu prepared him for bed rather than prepare him to go out. They probably already canceled his meetings with his advisors. He could just sleep without worry.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Master?" Natsu asked.

"No." Neji got under the covers of his futon. Normally he slept on his back, but he rolled onto his side and pulling the blanket up high, covering half his head in the process.

Natsu lingered. Worry slipped into his expression and he clasped his hands tightly. "Are you certain?" Neji did not repeat himself, staring at the wall, his back to Natsu until the servant finally said, "Sleep well, Master."