Written For:
Quidditch Fanfiction League Competition: Caerphilly Catapults - Round 10 - Keeper
Your OTP always seems to be going through a rough patch. They have to break up by the end.
Notes: Title from the song by Patty Smythe ft. Don Henley
Betas: S. L. Blake, CupCakeyyy
Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
"What do you mean 'no?'" sixteen-year-old Lily Evans demanded. Her hands were on her hips as she glared at the boy, her emerald eyes spitting green fire at him.
Regulus Black glared right back. "I mean 'no.' It's not that hard to understand."
Lily took a step closer. "You like me. I know you do. I always see you watching me, gazing at me as if you're working to memorize my every feature. You only do that when you like someone."
"I didn't deny liking you. But I can still say no to being in a relationship with you."
Lily shook her head. "You're scared. I mean, I know you're a Slytherin, but I never took you to be a coward."
"I am not scared," Regulus retorted. "I'm practical. And by being practical, I know what my family will do if I even think about taking up with a Mudb—"
Lily interrupted with a warning, "Do not finish that sentence unless you want to be hexed."
"I can't be in a relationship with a Muggle-born," he censored himself. "My family would never accept it."
"You can't always put your family first. What do you want?"
Regulus stared at her for a moment, and then he stepped forward. He wrapped her in a tight embrace, his arms pulling her body flush against his. He bent his head and planted a soft kiss on her upturned lips, a kiss that quickly turned passionate.
Just as Lily moved her hands up to grip his hair in tightly clenched fists, he pulled back, panting heavily, his breath mingling with hers.
A shadow crossed his eyes as he turned his face away, averting his gaze away from her all-knowing sight.
"Don't hide yourself from me," Lily breathed, pressing a hand to his cheek and forcing him to look at her.
"No matter how much I want this, it can't happen."
"We deserve to be happy, and I care about you."
"I'm not Sirius. I won't throw my family away on a selfish whim."
"It's not selfish to want to be in a relationship that's based on actual feelings instead of politics. It's not selfish to want to be happy."
"And you think you can make me happy?" Regulus sarcastically asked.
"Yes, if you let yourself go."
Lily pulled his head down so their lips met again. It was a quick peck. Then they pulled back and looked at each other for a moment, before Regulus leaned down for a longer, deeper kiss, letting his pent-up emotions out.
She returned it eagerly, her lips moving against his in a rhythmic dance that only the two of them knew.
Nothing was resolved, but for the first time, Lily had hope that she'd be able to convince Regulus to give them a real chance.
xXx
"Are you ever planning to tell anyone?" Lily demanded.
Regulus sighed, looking up from his Herbology textbook as he leaned against the wall under the bleachers, sitting on a dark green blanket to protect himself from dirt. It was the one subject he struggled with. It was even harder than History of Magic for him. His parents didn't mind. They didn't think too highly of playing with plants. If he got Outstandings in the important subjects, he would be left alone, but average wasn't good enough for him.
Regulus hated doing anything less than Outstanding, though, even in a subject he loathed.
"Tell who what?" Regulus asked, feigning boredom.
"Do not play dumb with me Regulus Arcturus Black!"
Regulus arched an eyebrow. "Wow, you must be peeved. You're actually using my middle name."
Lily fought back a smile. She was mad at him, darn it! He wasn't going to distract her. "Yes, I am mad. I'm tired of the secrecy. I'm tired of the kisses in alcoves. I'm tired of you always looking over your shoulder. And I'm tired of feeling like a dirty little secret, like you're ashamed of me."
Regulus' smirk faded. "You knew what you were signing up for when you chased me down and convinced me to give us a chance. I told you no one could know. Don't play the wounded party now; it doesn't suit you."
Lily's shoulders slumped as she went boneless, sliding down onto the blanket next to him, their shoulders touching as she pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging them to her body. "I know what we agreed on, but in my heart, I hoped you didn't mean it. Or at the very least, I hoped the secrecy wouldn't go on for so long. It's been four months."
Regulus sighed, placing his textbook down beside him. He wrapped his arm around her petite body, pulling her into a loose, sideways embrace. "Lily, I'm sorry if you're unhappy. I just… I'm not ready to face my family's anger or disappointment. I'm not like Sirius. I can't just write them off and act like I don't care."
Lily folded her arms over her bent legs, resting her cheek on them, and stared at Regulus. "Will you ever be ready?"
"I…" He hesitated.
"I see," Lily murmured, putting her other cheek on her folded arms, so she could avoid Regulus' guilty gaze.
"I want to say 'yes.' You have no idea how much I want to say 'yes.' I hope I'll be ready to go public in the future, but I don't want to lie to you when I'm not sure right now."
Usually, Lily preferred honesty, but if she was being honest with herself, a little white lie would have been nice. Even if it was only to give her some hope for their future.
xXx
Sixteen-year-old Lily faced off against Regulus. Once again, they were at odds with each other. The majority of their relationship seemed to be filled with arguments.
"You should tell him that you're taken," Regulus growled.
Lily's smile was anything but sweet. "I would love to, but then he'd ask by who. And I can't exactly say my boyfriend is Regulus Black. After all, my boyfriend is the one that doesn't want anyone to know."
"Make up a name, then. Maybe some Muggle from your neighborhood. I hate the idea of Potter panting after you. It's disgusting," he spat with jealousy.
"Then Severus would ask questions, and he is from my neighborhood, so he'd know I was lying. Face it. The only way to get Potter to back off is if you're ready to come clean. Are you?"
"You know I can't," Regulus growled. "I'm constantly scrutinized by my house, and if I show any sign of weakness, they'll strike."
Lily bit her bottom lip. "When you say you're scrutinized by your House… Severus has been distant lately. He's becoming closer friends with his housemates, and I'm worried about him. There are rumors circulating about a Dark Lord rising to power, gathering allies."
"I heard the rumors too," Regulus agreed, his face impassive, giving nothing away.
"I'm worried Severus is thinking about joining, despite what the ideals seem to be. Mainly getting rid of Muggle-borns and anyone that is considered inferior to Pure-bloods." Lily swallowed a lump in her throat.
"I wouldn't be surprised. Sometimes peer pressure is just too much to handle. And if you're not with them, you'll be a constant target."
Lily nodded. "So, I'll definitely worry about Severus following the wrong path. Should I be worried about you as well?"
"I'm a fifth-year student. He's not recruiting fifth years for his cause."
Lily took a step back, hugging her body as a sudden chill overcame her. "That wasn't the answer I was hoping for."
They stared at each other, neither of them knowing what to say.
xXx
Lily and Regulus sat on the blanket beneath the bleachers. It was their spot. Away from the prying eyes of nosy students.
Usually, when they were in their spot, it was so they could kiss and be together without the worry of persecution. Sometimes, they were there so they could have a serious conversation. This time, it was the latter.
"James asked me out again," Lily said, a softness in her voice that used to not be there when she spoke of James Potter.
"And? You reminded him you have a boyfriend, right?"
"No, I didn't. He's different this year. He's matured. Maybe it's because we are graduating at the end of the year. Maybe it's because the war is heating up, and he knows we'll probably all be fighting in it after we finish school. I don't know. I just know he's different."
"So? You still have a boyfriend. That part isn't different. It's the same boyfriend you've had for over a year."
Lily closed her eyes. "Regulus, I've tried so hard. I care about you. And if things were different, I could easily fall in love with you. But I can't pretend I don't see you going to the same meetings Severus went to last year. The same meetings that caused me to end my friendship with my childhood best friend. I can't pretend the secrecy doesn't bother me. James is offering me something you've never offered me. And that's a relationship in the light. A relationship where both people are on the same side, united for the same cause."
"So you're giving up on us," Regulus muttered, standing up and moving away so they were no longer touching, his back still to her.
Lily stood up as well and faced him. "Yeah, I guess I am. But to be fair, you probably gave up on us before we even began dating. I was the one who made all the compromises, after all. And after continuously giving up what I wanted to be with you, because I cared about you, I'm thinking about myself. Finally. Even though I wish I had been enough for you to change your mind, I do see that you're going down the same path Severus did, and I'm getting away from your self-destruction. Just like I got away from him before he imploded."
Regulus turned around and glared at her. "I wish I never wasted a second on you, Lily Evans! And I hope you and Potter will be very happy together." His voice was dripping with hatred, his eyes shining from more than hurt before he whirled on the spot and stormed away.
Lily tried her best to not cry. If things had been different, Regulus could have been her forever love. But things weren't different.
She took a shuddering breath and wiped away a stray tear. She was making the right decision. She knew she was. She just wished it didn't hurt so much.
xXx
Regulus stared at the potion in the bowl. He sighed. He had to do this. It was the right thing to do. To save the Wizarding world.
He started drinking. All the while, he thought about the one that got away.
Lily Evans. No, she was Lily Potter now. He had no idea where she was. Or even if she was still alive. He almost wrote to Sirius, hoping for information. But not only was there little chance of Sirius responding; how would he explain his interest in a Muggle-born he had supposedly never talked to, not even once.
He thought about what might have been if he had been stronger. Braver. If he had fought for Lily, proved to her that he'd be better for her than James Bloody Potter… But it was too late. He had made his choices, and they had driven her away.
She was better off without his poisonous personality anyway.
He continued drinking the potion. In a way, this was his way of showing her that he could change, that she was the reason that had made him think. For once. He had made the wrong decision in the past by allowing her to leave. Hell, he had pushed her away from him by behaving the way he had, but this was what he had learned from her.
He had never been a good person, never brave like his brother or selfless like the Regulus he had always wanted to be. But now, with the potion burning down his throat, it almost felt as if he was redeeming himself and showing Lily that he could do more than mindlessly follow a murderer. He was his own person and he wasn't afraid to go against expectations anymore.
The potion was nearly gone now, the golden locket shimmering on the bottom of the stone basin, but he was so thirsty. His throat ached, driving him almost insane. Coughing, he leaned over to gather some lake water to quench his thirst. Shadows passed beneath the surface and before Regulus could back away, Inferi jumped up and grabbed him, dragging him into the water.
His last thought was of Lily as her bright eyes flashed through his head in memory. 'Be safe, Lily. And be happy. I'm sorry.'
XX
(word count: 2,156)