a/n: i've been rewriting this for the past 48 hours, i can't with it anymore
. . .
Idiot #2 & Moron #2
"What did I just tell you?" Hijikata says sharply, he's been reprimanding him for the smallest stuff since they took off, stuff like having the window down.
"Well, I wouldn't have to if someone hadn't clogged up the air with their nicotine addiction." Gintoki defends himself. "I just want a bit of fresh air outside this reeking death trap."
He's cramped up in a car, against his will, with an unconscious criminal and an irritated (nothing unusual there) Vice-Chief, not to mention the smoke from said Vice-Chief's cigarette is taking up every inch of the meager space. He has to do something about it! And, alright, it's not even that he minds smoke all that much (not at all actually), but he just isn't all that good at sitting still for long intervals if there isn't an available distraction to steal his focus.
"Well, tough luck." Hijikata replies curtly.
"...I'll show you tough luck." Gintoki mutters under his breath, eyes narrowing in annoyance, then raises his voice. "You do know you're outnumbered here, right? Since the other inmate agrees with me."
Gintoki awards himself bonus points for implying the car ride with Hijikata is a prison in and of itself. Nice.
"He does not."
"He does too!"
They glare at each other, then turn to glare at the aforementioned other occupant of the vehicle.
"Right Idiot number one?"
"Right Moron number one?"
They ask in unison.
They pause.
Once again, they glare at each other, before settling their glare to the open road sprawling in front of them. Pissed. Even if #1 doesn't deign them of an answer, they've once again proven their thinking process is very alike. And the fact that they also know Idiot/Moron #2 is what they have respectively dubbed each other—not even the courtesy of making the other #1!—doesn't exactly help matters either.
Gintoki spends his time looking out while Hijikata keeps his stare glued ahead with his hands firmly grasping the wheel. The tension in the air is... strange, to say the least. Usually they'd be at each other's throats in a second, for whichever number of reasons, but now they're being somewhat forced to band together and neither of them finds the idea much fun.
This sudden tension however isn't the sown seed of a pre-existing state of affairs. Covertly, Gintoki rubs the arm that just yesterday had come in contact with Hijikata's. Physical contact isn't that uncommon between them, really, they're seen as 'enemies', rivals—sort of—and they end up (and actively take part) in all kinds of brawls and what not, even if in the end they always do what they do for specific reasons, they always have a goal they wanted to accomplish, a purpose.
But this... lasting sensation, it somehow feels different. It doesn't have a reason to be there at all.
Gintoki can still clearly recall the feeling of his skin brushing against the smooth fabric of the moron's jacket and, well, he can remember the warmth that followed. He blamed it on the weather yesterday. And when he'd chanced a look back at him, he had seen his surprised expression, had seen the way his eyes had widened, looking like he was about to dive into one of his angry rants. But Gintoki had been out with Kagura, Shinpachi and Sadaharu, and he had simply wanted to enjoy their time together without any more interruptions, so he just glanced over at the man in a way that said 'let it go', and... surprisingly, Hijikata had.
Suffice to say, Gintoki had not expected him to do so.
Even after a nice dessert after the nice meal, even after basically being his idiotic self with the kids, even after a whole day... that kind of feeling had yet to dissipate, thawing just below his flesh. Only that evening, when he'd gotten home and taken a long, lukewarm shower, did it finally subside a bit, made him breathe a little easier.
He balled up the entire ordeal, threw it in the back of his mind, inside a box labeled 'DO NOT OPEN', which is filled to the brim with what he doesn't want to talk and think about... but seeing the moron again made him think about it and it's not fair!
And now this taut silence continually spreading over their two ends is starting to unnerve him, and it makes him nervous, and this is the sort of circumstance where he has to do something or he will start fidgeting, and who knows what will follow after that. So he does the best thing he can think of: he opens his big mouth, of course.
"So, what did the fella do to end up behind bars?"
"That's classified information." Hijikata answers his question still somewhat irritably, but visibly less altered.
Huh... maybe he's also feeling the tension?
"Didn't you just force me to be a spectator to his downfall and everything?" Gintoki grumbles. "By extension, I have a right to know now."
Toshiro exhales heavily, smoke trailing up with it. His hands tighten on the steering wheel but his posture draws slightly inward, hesitation almost pouring out of him. After all, how can he not be hesitant, with Gintoki around? He never knows what will come to be when the idiot ends up involved.
Although Gintoki has so far been an annoyance, let the record state that, he hasn't been nearly as detestable as Toshiro knows him to be, which must be some kind of record for him or something.
Meanwhile, Gintoki isn't throwing in the towel just yet. After all, if he's being coerced into a collaboration, he might as well get some kind of entertainment out of it, that's only fair.
Also, there's nothing better to do, so.
Gintoki tilts sideways, body shifting at a slight angle toward the other samurai. "Okay, do you need a little push in the right direction? 'Cause if so I'm willing to give it, figuratively and literally."
"No."
He isn't in the least bit deterred.
"You know what, here, let me start us off. You pummeled the big bad guy," Gintoki prompts. "Because...?"
"Drop it. You won't get anything out of me."
"Oh, c'mon. Humor me a little, won't you?"
Hijikata blinks to himself, sounding a little dazed. "That's literally the worst case scenario I can think of."
Gintoki scowls—which is most definitely not a pout, because Jump has stated that main characters don't do that. "Less silent judging, more explanation."
Hijikata seems almost diverted. "'Silent'? Didn't think so."
"Just for the broad judgement, I now expect double the amount of info."
Hijikata glances at him from the corner of his eye. "It's nothing that concerns you."
Clearly, he doesn't wanna yield.
Gintoki hums a bit theatrically. "So said every character in every book, movie and TV show who was ever hiding something..."
The other man inclines a pointed brow his way.
Gintoki regards him with moderate curiosity, aiming a toothy little grin his way. "You tryna be mysterious now, Fukucho?"
Hijikata keeps the road in his field of vision and chews back on an undersized smirk. "Comes with the territory."
Gintoki lets out a noisy exhale and leans back into the padded seat, surprise freezing the grin adorning his face.
Surprised because of... how easy it is, talking to him.
...Sometimes, though.
Only sometimes.
"Okay, okay, narrower scope." Gintoki tries for a compromise, even holds his hands out in an invitingly placating manner. "At least tell me what I'm up against."
"You? Nothing... this time." Hijikata emphasizes, then leisurely eyes the rearview mirror for a handful of seconds. "This thug, on the other hand..." And leaves the unfinished sentence hanging in the air.
Gintoki could swear he sees the hooligan twitch at that, but it might as well just be the bumpy road.
Or Hijikata's driving 'skills'.
Has he already mentioned they're going a little bit too fast for a standard drive? But Gintoki is a little bit more preoccupied with his curious nature being sated to pay proper mind to his safety. For now, at least.
"Because...?" Gintoki shamelessly prompts again.
Hijikata mumbles something under his breath, probably to do with him being miffed at Gintoki's persistence.
"I'm bringing him in for a reason." He finally utters. Then frowns at the road. "You think I enjoy punching people without motive?"
"...Do you honestly want me to answer that?"
The Vice-Chief scoffs.
"So this ain't an open-shut case?" Gintoki inputs, tipping to the side again, gaze narrowed and calculating. "That's got to do with flatly felonious behavior other than petty crime?"
Hijikata, for all his facade and bravado, seems the slightest bit startled by Gintoki's sudden reckoning.
In answer, Gintoki pokes at his own temple with his quality of wisenheimer smirk. "Told ya, superior intellect and all."
And the man appears exasperated, more than anything, vacillating between being glad he didn't disclose consequential information, or needled Gintoki kind of got there on his own.
Knuckles whiting faintly over the wheel, the Vice-Chief slowly grits out. "...It is a case."
Gintoki waits for him to elaborate.
But he doesn't.
When it looks like no further elucidation is forthcoming, Gintoki frowns. "That's all I'm getting?"
Hijikata loosens up minutely, and he might be hallucinating here, but he swears there's a shadow of a smirk crossing his features now. "That's all you're getting."
Gintoki huffs again, in displeasure this time, and slumps back, looking fixedly out the window at the townscape in motion, arms crossed to highlight his discontentment.
Under his breath, he mutters. "You're a stickler for rules, you know that?"
"So I've been told."
"That wasn't a compliment. Don't take that as a compliment."
Hijikata watches him out of his peripheral view with unconcealed smugness. "Could have fooled me."
.
.
.
On the way there, Gintoki gets stuck in the loop of his thoughts.
Hearing the other man talking so calmly is decidedly different—not that Hijikata is never calm, he is, actually, but either out of detached indifference or the low boil of a simmering rage. Furthermore, the usual Vice-Chief would be barking orders and insults alike back and forth, but the Vice-Chief of right now seems to be at polar opposites with his regular self—or the regular version of him that Gintoki knows. It's almost as if a carbon-copy has been put in his place.
He tries his best to unwind, brooding as he is, but that doesn't come easy. In a split-second decision he reaches forward for the radio, to let a background of white noise fill up his mind, but as he's fiddling with it Hijikata catches sight of him. With one hand, he grabs at the chain that binds together the cuffs around his wrists and pulls downwards, Gintoki's hands dragging along with the motion.
"What part of 'don't. touch. anything.' don't you get exactly? Is it so hard to grasp such a simple concept in that thick skull of yours?"
"Uh, the middle part? Could you repeat that for me? Actually, while we're at it, take the whole thing from the top."
Hijikata doesn't look too delighted with his talk back.
"I am bored, okay? I've been cooped up in this car with two morons for... who knows how long already?" Gasp. "See? You've worn me out so much I can't even keep track of the passing time anymore, and if I don't do something to keep myself distracted from it now my head's gonna explode, and it can't explode because I seriously need my head!"
"Shut up already, you're such a pain… and stop that!" Hijikata tries to simultaneously adjust his grip on the steering wheel with one hand, and grab the idiot by the hair with the other—which had previously held his restraints.
"Ouch -ch-ch-ch-! What do you think you're doing!? Oi! Gin-san's hair is way too precious for the rough treatment! Let go immediately!" In retaliation, because of course he will retaliate, Gintoki yanks back on Hijikata's hair with his free hand, his other one busy trying to keep his own scalp intact. He doesn't have any desire in going bald, thank you very much.
"Ack-! What the hell do you think you're doing!? Get your filthy hands off my hair!"
"You just stole that line from me, bastard!"
And, somehow, this is how the ride continues, and how they've got to survive it. Literally. Because during the whole hair-pulling shenanigan, they almost get in (read: cause) an accident. More than one, actually, as the car goes up and down and in irregular zig-zag patterns, flying off the road at some point.
After they finally arrive at the destination, Gintoki all but throws himself out of the vehicle to kneel on the hard concrete. "Oh God! I am never going to ride in a car with you ever again!" He all but hugs the concrete. "I could have died!" He accuses with an accusing finger pointing accusingly at his accused almost-killer.
"I'm afraid you're too stubborn for that." Hijikata utters lowly for his own ears, only to continue at a higher volume. "Didn't really peg you as the crybaby type, seeing as it was only a swing here and there, at most." He says, appearing the epitome of tranquility.
"'At most'? I can't even count the accidents we got in on the fingers of one hand!"
"That was all in your imagination."
"And what do you have in your imagination? The skills to drive?!" Gintoki reproaches incredulously. "'Cause if so, then please do us all a favor and actually pull them out."
"Shut up already and stop being a pest." Hijikata hisses down at him.
Their verbal 'sparring' lasts no more than a few minutes, seeing as neither wants the other to have the last word, but they are also technically on business here.
'Bastard.' Gintoki thinks annoyed, still hugging the ground and fearing for his dear life.
While Hijikata busies himself with opening the rear door, finding that Idiot #1 began rousing from his 'sleep'.
Well, it seems car rides with Hijikata do wonders to bring you back from the land of unconsciousness.
Moron #1 surveys his new surroundings with a wild look dilating his pupils. "W-Where am I? It feels like I was run many times over, because the two jerks at the front were too busy flirting with each other–"
"Like hell anyone was doing that!"
"Pshh, I wish, at least the shock would've given me something to focus on other than the impending near death experience looming over me like a dark cloud the whole way through!"
#1 ignores Moron and Idiot #2's butting in as he keeps rehearsing the events. "–multiple times. They were also trying to kill me by squabbling and pulling on each other's hair like a couple of middle school girls with no self-preservation instincts whatsoever. Oh, and the car reeks of smoke."
"Ah-ha! I knew he agreed with me!" Gintoki pretentiously points out. Only to back-track. "Woah, woah, woah, now. I can assure you no girl in middle school would have my refined skills in hair-pulling."
"That's what bothers you?" Hijikata asks, astonished, turning back to the offender. "Oi, that's a bit too accurate for someone who was out cold the entire time... were you awake? Were you secretly awake the whole time? You think this is a school recital or something huh? You want me to put you right back to sleep? Hah?"
"Uh-oh, suddenly everything is getting dark and gloomy and I can't hear anything anymore." And #1, with a hyperbolic snore, falls back 'asleep'.
"Tch. What an idiot." Hijikata grouses, lighting another cigarette. "As if any girl in middle school could even manage the skillset of driving and pulling hair with my accuracy."
Gintoki gapes at him. "That's what bothers you?!"
Idiot/Moron #1 rolls his eyes at the two of them behind his closed lids.
It doesn't take long for a couple of subordinates to take the criminal in custody, and Kondo and Sougo happen to saunter by.
"Ah, Yorozuya-san! What brings you to our humble abode today?" Kondo merrily exclaims upon seeing him, like the gracious host he is, soon after greeting him with a 'pat' to the shoulder that almost dislocates it, and laughing boisterously all the while.
Gintoki grunts in annoyance, keeping a wince to himself and discreetly kneading at his poor shoulder. "Oi, Gorilla, you owe me one, I'm being kept here against my will. This lousy subordinate of yours saw it fit to handcuff and force a poor, innocent civilian inside his stinky car." He nods towards Hijikata with disdain, raising his handcuffed wrists as evidence.
Hijikata narrows his eyes at him, before turning towards his friend. "I had no other choice. The useless permhead was the only witness." He explains, looking almost apologetic—apologetic that Gintoki is going to waste their precious time, that is.
"You don't handcuff witnesses you jerk!" Gintoki counters.
"You do when they're you!" The Vice-Chief is the one hurtling his disdain at him now. "I had to take preventive measures to stay trouble-free!" And then, in a hush. "...though it didn't prove particularly helpful with the car ride."
"Don't rub that in my face, the ride's all on you! And I told you already, that's not my fault, it's trouble's, always knocking at my door and asking for me even if I tell them I'm indisposed!"
"Uhh, hey now, hahah!" Kondo sidles up to them, interjecting with his bottomless optimism. "Why don't we all go unwind after the issue is resolved, have a drink together, what do you say?"
Gintoki shrugs a little moodily. "Only if you pay for that, Gori-san."
Hijikata's brow twitches. "Stop calling him that, you disrespectful–"
"Who are you to tell me I can't? I call whoever I want whatever I want because it's such an intrinsic part of my Bushido, Ogushi-kun!"
"Who in the hell would believe that?! And cut it off with that moronic handle already!"
Sougo, silent observer of the show the entire time, also positions himself between the two raging rivals, making a key appear out of thin air.
"Don't worry, Danna. I have the sitch under control." He chimes in with his usual monotone as he strikes the small key inside the lock. The inside mechanism suddenly clicks and the offending steel is falling harmlessly to the ground.
"Bless you, Sofa-kun. I thought my wrists were gonna fall off any second now." Gintoki sighs in relief, gratuitously sparing a glance at his momentary savior and consciously restraining himself from stroking his pulsing wrists in front of everyone.
"My name is Sougo, Danna, but I accept your blessing." Sougo nods in acceptance. "I am disappointed, but not surprised." The boy recites the cliché phrase while adding to Gintoki's disdainful look towards Hijikata with his own. "Unfortunately, Hijikata-san has never been known for being a well-mannered Vice-Commander. How he treats his subordinates speaks for itself." He then nods at Gintoki to keep the bit going, a sudden air of dejection surrounding him.
Gintoki's expression changes almost imperceptibly, he sympathetically shakes his head side to side. "How can you possibly stand for this?"
The young Captain takes his sweet time in letting out a sigh, the dramatic kind. "...Because it is a promise I made to myself. Even if I was tortured, spit on and worked to the bone like nothing more than a poor slave, I would still continue to see through his demands and follow in his footsteps, if only so the Vice-Chief could find a little peace and somebody to lean on in his darkest times." The boy murmurs in the kindest voice he can muster, coupled with his most innocuous look yet, even if internally he's grinning like the Cheshire Cat he is.
"Now that's what I call admirable. Your Vice-Chief should learn something from this, instead of treating you like crap. Don't you think so, Ogushi-kun?" Gintoki retorts, also barely holding onto the grin that threatens to overtake his face, staring at Hijikata in a mixture of mock and evil, Sougo following in his footsteps.
"Stop conspiring amongst yourselves, you freaks." Hijikata sneers, directing his attention to his underling. "And why do you even have the key to my cuffs?"
Sougo drops the farce and simply swivels away without reply, whistling his way back to the entrance. All the while, they are unanimously ignoring the Commander, who's sobbing in the background, reminding the onlookers of something akin to a waterfall, crying about, "our little Sougo, kids these days grow up so fast but they don't forget the promises they've made to their parents", or something.
He keeps up his hysterics for a while.
And this is how Gintoki finds himself in a nondescript interview room, housing at its center only a table with a few chairs, the walls bare and on the darker shade and soundproof.
They sit the offender on one side, while from right to left, Sougo, Hijikata, Kondo, Gintoki all sit across, and another bald officer—who's the only one holding a few papers and a pen at the ready—sits at one head of the table. Gintoki squints in suspicion, perfectly aware that there are cameras recording their every move and word, and that witnesses aren't usually interviewed in the same room alongside the suspects.
"Let me guess–this is some kind of elaborate kidnapping ploy?" Gintoki starts, beneath the table and out of view he's not-so-absent-mindedly stroking his tender skin—he hadn't exactly been joking about it earlier, the cuffs were so tight that thin red lines are starting to shape on each wrist. "I'm warning you, my life insurance is not worth the jail time. You still wanna go through with it?"
Hijikata scowls. "Who in their right mind would want to abduct you?"
Gintoki holds the stare, baffled. "Why, you think you have something that I don't? I'm perfect hostage material!"
"...I can't believe you actually said that."
"Now, now, Yorozuya-san." Kondo plays the pacifier, again. "This is simply a... ah, delicate matter, let's say, and you see, we're in a bit of a time crunch here. So if we could just... painlessly get on with this? We'd totally appreciate that." The Commander fixes him with an intent—and surprisingly serious—look. "Can we count on your discretion?
Gintoki almost scoffs in his face. "You do know who you're talking to, right?"
"...Did you mean for that to sound reassuring?" Hijikata frowns. "Because it came across as the exact opposite."
"Don't worry, I'm perfectly clear to be let in on the fun too, after all my delicate approach to life in general speaks for itself."
"How much lying do you do on the daily, exactly?" The Vice-Chief suddenly asks in interrogation mode.
"I don't appreciate you taking on that suspicious tone with your only witness, officer-kun." Gintoki bites back on a smirk, challenging.
The Chief, in fact, hurries to try and calm a vexed Vice-Chief, while Sougo offers a little smirk in turn at the scene.
Gintoki nods to himself in a self-important manner, stating out of the blue.
"I do bring the whimsy."
Sougo snickers at that.
But Hijikata throws him A Look, and Gintoki is so surprised by the scrunched up expression normally not there, that he can't help the amused little laugh escaping out the confines of his throat.
Without (much) further ado, the interview begins with Kondo taking the lead. "It states here that your name is Yamada Mizuki and you–"
And this is the part where Gintoki tunes out, blah blah this and boring that, and he's moving about, trying to find a comfortable spot on the stupid and uncomfortable chair.
"And why should I answer any of you scums?"
Gintoki suddenly hears Idiot/Moron #1 spit out.
"After Aniki gets here you're all gonna–"
"I suggest watching your tone." But Hijikata is on him in a second, with a menacing glare to boot. "You really think your so called friends can help you now?"
"When they're the ones who led you to the lion's den in the first place?" Sougo adds in a casually threatening tone as he does the opposite of his superior and leans back, arms loosely crossed. "Come to think of it, your dear 'Aniki' might have just been looking for an excuse to get rid of you."
"So you either get your head on straight, or face the consequences of your noncompliance. And they won't be lenient, of that I can assure you, scum." Hijikata finishes in a low hiss, a veiled danger to the rough timbre of his voice.
"It's alright. Toshi, Sougo, there's no need for that, alright?" Kondo reassures them, completely unfazed.
After a beat longer, Hijikata scoffs and lets go of the thug's collar, falling back into his seat. Sougo, despite his detached coolness toward any and every set of circumstances Gintoki has ever seen him in, had tensed for a second there too, just a minuscule tightening in his shoulders, but he caught it all the same.
Sometimes he tended to forget just how much these tax-robbers were willing to do for their Commander, for their whole faction actually. Even a blind man could see the bind that ties them, and Gintoki supposes it's a bit like this for him and his found family as well. And, perhaps, this is the reason why he truly starts relaxing around them, and the whole ordeal doesn't sound like such a hassle anymore.
From there on, their questions are given a few partial answers, maybe because Moron #1 had apparently managed to scare Moron #2 shitless. Oh, and Sougo's bazooka sitting right beside him probably helps the case, too.
The interview though is vague enough for Gintoki to quickly lose interest in it—and here he was hoping he could get some good gossip or leverage out of it. So much for that.
Much too soon, though, it's his turn to talk, and he doesn't really know how to feel about it. After all, in this type of scenario he imagines himself being on the other side of the table (which has happened a few times before, actually) and not just sit in as a simple witness. It kind of makes him want to outright laugh at the absurdity of it.
As the Commander's and everyone else's attention is now on him, Gintoki holds a hand up. "Before we start, I'm not talking without my–"
"Lawyer?" Kondo tries.
"What?" Gintoki grimaces. "Hell no. Who's got the time or money to put up with those vultures? I meant to say without my daily dose of sugar, obviously."
"Got you covered." Sougo digs into his pocket, and a few seconds later extracts a fun-size chocolate bar that he slides across the smooth surface to him.
"I like milk chocolate." Gintoki mumbles, suddenly allayed as he takes the first second to enjoy the treat. Then unceremonially devours it.
What, sugar is literally his only weakness, he's allowed to partake in it.
"I know you do, Danna. I know you do."
This also probably means the kid is, sooner or later, gonna ask of him a troublesome request, but oh well, that's really an insignificant price to pay for the chocolicious sweetness sinking into his veins and briefly sending him to heavenland.
Hijikata is on his feet again, palms smacking loudly against the table. "You're letting them get away with it? This behavior is inexcusable in the midst of–"
"It's for the greater good." Kondo states, grabbing his best friend by the shoulders. "The greater good, Toshi. Think of it."
This might as well be a hell of a case, since Hijikata's fury slowly quenches, enough for him to sit his ass back down and keep relatively quiet. A smokingly furious type of quiet, but still.
Sighing in temporary bliss from the chocolatey taste still having his taste buds sing, Gintoki stares at every officer in turn.
"First of all–"
"We already put up with your conditions! You can't make any other demands now!"
"I'm not 'demanding' anything." Eh, he kind of is, but Hijikata doesn't need to know he's right about this. "I'd just like to know why exactly I'm here today."
"I already told you why. You're a witness to the–"
"Case, yeah, I gathered that much from the eventful set of circumstances that's led me here." Gintoki jibes. "But what kind of case requires this kind of setup? Anyone care to elaborate, or should I draw my own conclusions?"
This is when it starts dawning on some of the room's occupants that Gintoki is more perceptive than his image otherwise overstates.
"So I'm just the designated scapegoat here, is that it?"
"No."
"Yes."
The Chief and Vice-Chief simultaneously say. Turning toward each other, they exchange a look.
Gintoki rolls his eyes.
"...This is a serious matter." Hijikata practically whispers in the resulting silence, he's talking so low. "And you're not allowed to run interference."
Crossing his arms over his chest in an unsubtle manner that eschews further cooperation, he leans back in the uncomfortable chair, the 'squeeeak' of it drilling into his eardrums. "Oh, please, you're letting me in. How serious can it possibly be?"
Sougo doesn't try to conceal the snort under his breath. "Touchè."
Hijikata now looks fairly flabbergasted, mostly because, once in a blue moon's phenomenon, he seems to be agreeing with him.
Gintoki has to mark the day on his calendar.
Kondo seems to be on the same boat. With a tentative shrug, he begins. "Maybe–"
Hijikata cuts in with a piercing look. "Maybe let's not spitball ideas with civilians or divulge restricted information?"
The Chief rubs at the back of his neck, slightly abashed. "...Right."
Gintoki lets out a very audible and very noisy breath as he reclines further back and his view shifts to the blankness of the ceiling. Awh, dammit, he almost had them.
There's really no fun to be had around here.
The interrogation resumes with a run-of-the-mill round of questions, and Gintoki is balancing himself on two of the sturdy chair's legs as he nonchalantly answers here and there. Perfectly aware that this is supposed to be by the formal margin and all, and refusing to thoroughly comply.
May he add, he doesn't care about Hijikata's slight frown as he takes in his behavior. Not one bit. The fact that he noticed in the first place doesn't mean anything either, absolutely nada, he's simply an overly observant person by nature, that's all.
At the inquiry on his whereabouts during the wrongdoing, Gintoki sits back in the right—but boring—way, attentive now. "I was finally reading the new issue of Jump, after laborious hours spent in vain trying to find it." He stresses this particular answer, indicatively looking at Hijikata out of the corner of his eye and trying to make him feel at least a little bit guilty about it.
It doesn't work.
"But let me tell you, it was worth it." He carries on with an elated smile at the memory, hoping to dive back in the wondrous adventures soon enough.
Kondo gasps. "No! Were you able to get your hands on the newest one? I've been looking for it all day but I couldn't find it anywhere!"
"Brace yourself, Chief. You got no clue what's about to go down, and let me tell ya... you're not gonna like it one bit." Gintoki utters the last bit in all seriousness, the news of his favorite characters still hanging heavily in his mind.
"Now I have to know! Oh, please, tell me Sakata-san! Put this poor heart at ease and let me know everything!" Kondo begs with unrestrained desperation, practically climbing the table over to him to shake him into a talkative mood.
Someone clears their throat rather noisily. The room is now 2-sided: the people embarrassed for Gorilla-kun (Mayora and Baldy), and the ones bored out of their minds (Soichiro-kun and Moron-kun).
It's Hijikata, immediately set to a face-palm mode after hearing just what came out of Gintoki's mouth, that now whispers to his Commander. "Kondo-san, please..."
"Haha, oops, sorry, sorry! We'll pick this up later." Kondo rubs the back of his head apologetically and clears his throat, regaining a false sense of solemnity. "Alright, can you tell us exactly what you saw?"
Gintoki resumes. "As I was close to the–"
"Oi! No more manga talk!" Hijikata interjects.
"First of all, rude. Secondly, how did you know just what I was going to say?" Gintoki asks, shocked. He was in fact going to talk about another Jump segment. "How did you know?" He quietly gasps. "Are you an esper?"
Sougo tunes in, seemingly interested. "Are you? Guess what I'm thinking of right now, Hijikata-san." An intense look of concentration flits over the boy's eyes as he's clearly deep in rumination… until he starts mumbling somewhat loudly. "Die Hijikata-san, die Hijikata-san, die Hijikata-san–"
"It doesn't work like that! You have to think about it you idiot!" Hijikata seems about ready to smack his subordinate's face right into the table. "And the hell do you think you're saying, you want a turn in the holding cell too!?"
Unfortunately for him, Kondo didn't hear anything, which in turn doesn't sully Sougo's innocent image, which in turn doesn't give Hijikata the right to kick him out and maybe kick his ass too while he's at it.
But Hijikata is preoccupied with else at the moment. "And you." Looking this close to throwing Gintoki out of the nearest window he can find. "Are you actually serious right now? Everyone knows you talk bullshit like Jump and desserts all the damn time. We could ask pigeons about it and they'd know!"
Gintoki is completely flummoxed at him and at the nerve he has for so blatantly besmirching the two precious miracles in his life. "You should drown your mouth in soap you punk! Never insult any of these two miracles in my presence ever again!" He slams a hand on the table too, fed up with this idiot.
Hijikata is, of course, belabouring his point. "What miracles? Let's call them by their actual names, shall we? These are distractions that make you lose sight of your goals–not like you have any to begin with."
"I have plenty!" Gintoki offensively yells. He crosses his arms over his chest one more time in a fatuous manner and keeps them there. "You need to stop being rude."
"If you stop being a dumbass." Hijikata rebukes. "In the long run that sickly stuff just gains you excessive weight and a number of medical conditions, why are you even so fixated on it?"
"How dare you? Did you just call me fat? Did you? I'll have you know I've got more muscle mass in my middle finger than you do in your entire body!" Gintoki substantiates his theory by putting it in practice, and flipping him off.
"You bastard–I'll give you the front row seat to the muscles in my fist, how about that!"
They try to scramble forward and bash each other's head in, but luckily Kondo and Baldy come to their rescue. The hooligan, meanwhile, seems entertained by the show, and Sougo is snickering and sneakily snapping a few pictures, probably for blackmail purposes.
When Kondo does somehow manage to talk them out of it, the interview can restart. And Gintoki resumes his story too, although far more annoyed. "As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted–" Hijikata is about to stand up once more, but Kondo puts a swift hand to his shoulder and he reluctantly remains where he is. "–I was simply doing what I always do, minding my own business and being a good civilian."
Someone mutters something under their breath. It isn't difficult to imagine who's the owner of the voice or what he says.
"When, suddenly..." Gintoki's eyes widen proportionately to the unfolding events in his recounting as he raises his voice toward the dramatic turn. "I was run over by a huge moron!"
"Hey!" Moron #1 protests.
"Who had been hit by another huge moron!"
"Oi!" Moron #2 protests too.
Kondo is gasping left and right like this is some amazing action-packed movie. Sougo listens in slightly diverted, if still a little bored. Baldy is invested now too as he's penning it all down.
Gintoki shrugs. "So. There you have it. Typical Tuesday."
"Except it's a Monday." Sougo fills in for him.
"That's exponentially worse. Mondays are the worst."
"The worst." Sougo echoes him with emphasis, despite his monotone.
"Are we done with the unsolicited commentary?" Hijikata grunts, vexed.
"I want the record to show that I took the fall with grace." Gintoki makes sure to highlight this bit, because heroes do everything graciously, restroom-related business included. "Baldy, you got that covered for me?"
Baldy shoots him a finger-gun that wordlessly states 'I gotchu fam', and Gintoki finger-guns him right back.
It's a finger-gunning show in here. It's sort of beautiful.
Hijikata for his part looks like he wants to shriek his frustration at the endless void. "...Don't encourage him too, for the love of–"
"And then I was flat on the ground, head slammed back into the asphalt, kaput. I'm most probably running on a concoction of adrenaline and concussion right now–" He lowers his voice and stares at the Shinsengumi members in turn, all business-like. "And yes, you guys are footing my bill, in case you were wondering." Before returning to his original, melodramatic flair. "–because the Demonic Vice-Commander had just knocked the bad guy out cold!" Kondo is still on the edge of his seat, dying to know what happens next, so Gintoki decides to magnanimously carry on. "But, before this, I had caught a glimpse of Zababulayara-kun here–"
"It's Mizuki! How in the hell did you manage to fuck up my name that badly? Does anyone called that even exist?!" Moron #2 has the audacity to interrupt, too.
"We established it's an intrinsic part of my bushido in the earlier segment already, weren't you listening in? Gosh, side characters these days..."
"It's just what he does." Hijikata answers the shocked ruffian, settling his tired glare back on the samurai. "Honestly, what is it with you and your need to warp names beyond belief? Do you have something against literally everyone?"
"You shut your yap, Ogushi."
"...see what I mean." The Vice-Chief hisses into his palm, having reached his limit and just lethargically putting up with him at this point.
"You know people, I'm getting real fed up here with you raining all over my parade." Gintoki chastises them, one by one. "You either let me do this my way, or I'm walking out."
"...I wish." Hijikata grunts into his palm.
Gintoki ignores him.
"Please, please, continue!" Kondo cheers him on, way too invested now.
Gintoki clears his throat and tries one more time, as if slipping back into a character he's playing. "As I was saying, I caught a glimpse of the suspect here–"
But this time he zeroes in on Hijikata, chin lifting almost in defiance, and detaining him in his field of vision.
"–and he was threatening a few civilians with a knife, just about to stab them for money. But your Vice-Chief here intervened before the situation could escalate, disarming him bare-handed and managing to keep the cluster safe from further harm."
Toshiro abruptly raises his head from his palm, stunned.
Less-than-kind words, which had been stuck in his throat and wanted to burst out with every new one Gintoki uttered, now vanished... to say he is shocked would be an actual understatement.
Even Sougo is caught off guard, whilst Kondo is staring at him in awe, as if they haven't worked side by side for years and he's never seen him do anything quite like this before, he practically bursts his eardrums shouting 'Toshi I'm so proud of you!' and 'That was so reckless! You could've gotten hurt!' and keeping on along these lines, as if this is Kondo's first time hearing about him being a role model all thanks to the Yorozuya. And Toshiro would actually bark a laugh at this, if he wasn't so frozen up on Gintoki.
And here he was expecting the idiot to run his mouth into space and go off into numerous idiotic tangents to get himself out of a less than ideal ordeal as soon as he humanly could, perhaps even paint him as the bad guy while he was at it.
It did not even cross his mind that Gintoki could have been an actual witness, not at all. He dragged him here out of professional obligation, hoping for nothing more than a vague statement to frame a small fish they could then keep under surveillance, rather than for real purpose.
But instead, he tells... the truth?
After another few quick questions, Kondo deemed him done and cleared him to go.
They're now in an empty hallway, the Commander having decided to see him off while someone else momentarily took his place in the interrogation room.
"Thank you for your time Sakata-san, we really appreciate you going out of your way to help us in a pinch! Again!"
Gintoki lets his hand get vigorously shaken (crushed) between the Commander's, and doesn't even complain about it as he rubs at his forehead with the other. "And here I thought I'd hit my weekly quota of hazard related incidents already."
"Isn't your life just a series of unfortunate events, though?" Sougo chips in from beside Kondo.
The reference isn't lost on Gintoki, but he's too tired to truly appreciate it. "You shut it, mister."
Hijikata has remained to the side, hushedly scrutinizing, as if Gintoki is a phantom who can be seen right through if only he tries hard enough.
And Gintoki has to make a moderate effort to ignore the sudden and unnerving attention of the other man.
But, he gets it, really.
Kondo gives him yet another one of his special 'pats', and if it had been anyone else their bone would have flown off its socket at this point. "Great job, Yorozuya-san, but I honestly wouldn't expect any less from you! And now, how about that celebratory round of drinks? My treat! We could go, mmh, let's see... does the Snack Smile work for you? I hear their selection of liquors is exceptional!"
'Ah, so this was his plan all along.' Gintoki thinks, distinctly unimpressed.
He would probably admit so only if he got really, really shit-faced drunk or under oath or before his imminent demise, but he does have the softest spot for Otae. He's protective of her. Their friendship is something he values beyond belief, despite their age difference he considers her like a big sister of sorts—she is Shinpachi's big sis after all and she is the maturest out of their bunch—and he won't let unsavory behavior towards her so much as happen if he can help it. She'd probably punch them into the next continent if that's the case before Gintoki can so much as lift a finger anyway, but still, it's the thought that counts, he's been told.
Before Gintoki can make use of one of his evasive tactics, and some righteous snark, however, Sougo luckily decides this is the perfect moment to step in. "Kondo-san, did you forget Pops is coming in later to revisit the plan about the… thing?"
"Oh." Kondo blinks with surprise at the remainder. "...Oh." Only to slump over in dejection. "Right... the thing. I'm sorry, Sakata-san, we can't go anymore..." The man practically exudes disappointment as he apologizes, so caught up in his thoughts he apparently forgets they can always reschedule for another day.
Gintoki doesn't tell him, though. Just waves a dismissive hand his way. He glances at the kid, who gives him a discreet nod and a small smirk, which he mirrors back. It's in moments such as these that Sougo reminds him of Kagura and Shinpachi. Maybe he's the one who ought to buy him a parfait after all, he owes the kid one.
A few pleasantries later, Sougo and Kondo leave, probably returning to the interrogation, but that leaves...
Well, that leaves Gintoki and Hijikata in the deserted hallway.
Alone.
...Talk about comfortable now.
.
.
.
"That what you wanted me to say?"
Hijikata doesn't startle at the ruptured silence.
"That what you wanted to say?"
But Gintoki does now. It surprises him, a bit, Hijikata always seems to manage this feat.
Gintoki did seriously, honestly, see all that. But he didn't want to say anything, rather acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. Because, in truth, as much as he tried to immerse himself in it he hadn't been able to focus on the issue—not even the newest chapter of Naruto!—and that had never happened before. He told himself he'd wait until the rain let up and go home, find himself a nook to read in peace, but after seeing Hijikata there, too... it had done something to him.
And not wanting to admit to himself what he had seen, also meant he wouldn't have to admit the pull of his attention had been elsewhere when it shouldn't have.
In the end though he opted to out with it, put on the 'good' citizen act and tell the truth, just how it was. And still, he doesn't know why.
Gintoki takes a ginger breath, worn out. The day dragged longer than he expected it to, and his musings only tire him out more.
He walks back enough to put some much needed distance between himself and Hijikata's heedful gaze; being studied like this only spells trouble.
He crosses his arms behind his back and presses them against the wall, puts his weight on the heels of his feet, and stares back with the slightest amount of trepidation as the corner of his mouth pulls up. "I may have left out, on the hellish trip here during our fatal brush with eternal doom, that I happened to see a teeny tiny bit of the showdown going, well, down."
Hijikata acknowledges it with a quiet sound in the back of his throat. "You expecting a 'thank you' in return for that?"
Gintoki allows himself a small, almost private smirk. "You just don't strike me as the type who expresses gratitude so freely, so don't hurt yourself trying for my sake."
It's a little bit crazy, how he could be standing in Hijikata's shoes and saying these exact same words to himself and mean them down to the letter. Once again, reminded of the striking similarities between them.
Hijikata exhales some of the strain off his shoulders, and breaks the stare, turning away. "...That's my line, asshole."
Gintoki runs a hand through his hair, suddenly exhausted, giddiness seeping in tendrils through his tense muscles, an undertone beneath his voice. "You call assholes all the boys," He teases—but somehow isn't mocking at all about it, and ain't this new? "Or just the handsome ones?"
With an almost indulgent smirk, Hijikata whispers across the feet of distance keeping them apart. "Try the ones who piss me off."
Gintoki throws him a little grin. "It's the little things, ya know?"
Hijikata shakes his head to himself. And on anyone else Gintoki would think the gesture to be fond.
"...So." His eyes drop uneasily to his scuffed boots and for some inexplicable reason he feels the need to bolt out of here. "Am I finally allowed to be let go? Cause we're gonna have words if I find out this actually was all a kidnapping attempt."
"Before you wrap up your philanthropy," Hijikata digs, but also quietly lets him know. "There's an official paper you need to sign. It states you were a witness in the case."
And, is this just his imagination, or does the Vice-Chief almost look... self-conscious? Nah. Could it be? Why would he react in such a way, maybe because Gintoki held his ground and stated the truth in his favor?
"If I must." Gintoki drawls in an overly dull manner, trying to feel a little bit like himself again. "Lead the way."
And just like this, the two of them are ambling along the long corridors, with Hijikata leading forward and Gintoki trudging behind. No words are exchanged during this short stretch of time and Gintoki keeps to himself, pondering a few thoughts over.
For example, the way his day had turned out so weirdly, how he'd found himself assessing the Demonic Vice-Chief's authority, and why said man is walking the way he is in front of him. His appearance screams confidence, but the long strides he takes are calm, careful even. His shoulders still pocket some tension and his head is slightly cast down, from the collar of his vest a sliver of skin rests exposed. It's now that Gintoki notices the hair at his nape, instead of lying straight the tufts there are almost curled inwards, and he can't help but wonder if they're as soft to the touch as the rest of his hair is, which he found out when he grabbed hold of during the car ride and...
Hold it right there buddy. These are really strange thoughts to think of.
'What the hell is wrong with me today?' Did he really smack his head that hard? Because he must have one hell of a concussion then. Yeah, this must definitely be it. It can't be anything else, can it?
After what feels like hours (it was only fifty seconds), they get to a small office, which seems more of a storage space, with shelves stacked fully and paraphernalia scattered everywhere, but it's not like he's paying it much mind at the moment.
He follows Hijikata to a desk tucked in the corner of the room, where the man rummages around in a drawer, only to extract a folder. Pulling out a few papers, he slides one across to him, along with a pen lying on the side of the desk. When he reaches over to take it from him, however, that's the moment their fingers come in contact, and Gintoki's brain short-circuits.
The tingling sensation starts all over again.
...Ah, shit.
He snatches the pen in a haste, throwing the cap off and scrawling his name at the end of the paper, not even caring to peruse what he's signing because his fingers are warmwarm warm, and it's so much easier to blame it on the apparent concussion from being hit earlier on.
(But is that really the reason?)
Once he's done, he, almost hesitantly so, lifts his head to catch sight of the slight furrow between Hijikata's brows, the sharp widening to his eyes.
Did he do something wrong now? Gintoki looks down to check if he made any mistakes, or maybe wrote somewhere he shouldn't have but, apart from the hasty chicken scrawl of his name, it looks fine to him. Then what's that kind of expression spreading across Hijikata's face and why does it look faintly familiar? Gintoki straightens up, leaving the pen to lie back on the desk instead of giving it back, because he figures it's safer this way, like this he can avoid another... 'accident'.
Just when he can't take the silence anymore, about to ask what's wrong—
"...You could have said something, idiot." Hijikata breathes out.
...what?
Gintoki's confusion only grows, perhaps the perplexity on his face too evident, because the Vice-Chief suddenly nods down at his hands. Gintoki follows the stare, and...
Oh.
The red lines that were starting to thinly shape earlier have now blown into a deeper crimson, angry marks that are an inch wide at least. They almost look like circles made of blood, being more visible since Gintoki's skin is pale to begin with. Not to mention the reckless drive they've been through, when during one of their 'accidents' they managed to avoid a premature demise after swerving to the left, right as a truck had cut their road off and Gintoki had thrust his arm forward and taken control of the wheel, feeling the sharp pull of the cuffs against his skin. It had been a bit of an impact, but the adrenaline was high and he hadn't felt anything, it didn't even hurt, just a light soreness that caught up with him more fully the hours following it. But now, he stared at Hijikata who was staring right back at him with... was that concern?
Gintoki, in that precise moment, had one of the weirdest thoughts he's had in a long while, in his entire life, perhaps. He thought that, maybe, if Hijikata kept looking at him like that, then he could keep having blooming red wrists everyday...
...Forget the hospital, he needs to be sent over to a psychiatric clinic after this one.
But—it's been such a long time since someone sent that kind of look his way... aaand the forbidden 'box' inside his mind snaps open. Because he's been on the ending line of this kind of worry, before.
When, during the war, Zura took it upon himself to sew him shut each time, despite having a hole inside his chest where his heart should beat. Or up on the rooftops, when Tatsuma spoke volumes with the stars dying inside his eyes but refused to utter a single vowel after their losses drew up into infinity. And, rarely, with Shinsuke too. When one of his carefully laid out plans went amiss and they found themselves with their hands much too full, digging their fingers to the bone to keep hold of the handfuls of comrades left. Even Otose, when she had found him as nothing short of a corpse surviving on borrowed time, starving and halfway to his own grave as he found rest on the tombstone of her late husband.
(...and with Sensei; but he never wants to go back there. Never again.)
And Gintoki being unable to do anything about it, helpless to their unfathomable grief, and to his own. He doesn't want it, doesn't want to admit how hard it is for him to be on the receiving end of this glistening shade of concern, doesn't want how weak it makes him feel. It's one of the reasons why he forced himself to grow a thicker skin, grow into new bones, and hide behind taller walls.
Right now, however, it's not quite as intense as what he'd been used to, and he doesn't feel weak for it. What he has can't even be deemed a proper injury, but worry lines still crease Hijikata's smooth countenance.
In this cold, stuffed room, with the air stifling them, and with Hijikata pinning him into place with his piercing gaze, because of something so insignificant that doesn't hold relevance whatsoever, he doesn't feel pitied. He doesn't know how he feels, truth be told, but it isn't negative per se. It's been so long since he last felt this way, that he'd forgotten what it's even like.
Gintoki lets out a quiet, good-natured chuckle, aligning his wrists with the man's line of vision. "Oh, this? You do remember I live with a perpetually hungry Yato, a desperate Otsuu fanatic and a ginormous puppy, yeah? Believe me, this is a walk in the park compared to what I deal with on the regular."
The tension in the room dissipates with the pounding of two hearts beating off key, they both feel the change. Hijikata wears back his aloofness, his openness closing, the rawness gone; Gintoki's fingers twitch in the absence of it.
Then again, Hijikata's only reply is a scoff which suspiciously sounds like a chuckle.
He proceeds to escort him out of the office, and soon after they're out of the quarters.
Once outside, Gintoki finds himself digging inside for things to say. Because leaving without a word seems impolite now, even if he's never been the type to bother with bedside manners, but it seems... somewhat important, right now?
Right as Hijikata is about to trek back to the entrance, Gintoki speaks up.
"...Hey!"
Only to have his mind white out in a 'oh shit what do I do now?' way. Because Hijikata actually halts mid-step, he stops to listen to him.
But Gintoki abruptly realizes that he knows just what he wants to say.
"Tell your Chief... as soon as you find an opening in your busy schedule, I look forward to that round of drinks."
The Vice-Chief cranes his neck to look back at him, for what he feels is a fraction of eternity, before finally tipping his head forward with a murmured, "Got it."
And disappears inside.
Gintoki finally lets out a breath he had no idea to be holding, shoulders slouching with it.
He doesn't know if Hijikata caught the meaning behind the 'you', he himself isn't sure what it exactly means, either.
The one thing he's sure of is just the unfamiliar touch of feathery lightness, it expands his lungs. He feels it all the way home.
The rain has let up.
. . .
a/n:
i've always liked the ending of this chapter because it's where you can really start to see sparks of vulnerability and this softness between them, and i'm so glad i rewrote it and could include more of it. promise that more of this is coming in the near future!
also, i got to use yet another form of:
"Is that what you tell all the girls?"
"Only the pretty ones."
i love love LOVE these flirty lines! i already used them in my Naruto fic, and i'm gonna eventually use them in the Yoban Sado one too, and in the Psycho Diary one and in the Scrubs one and in the You Are My Star one aaaand i'm literally gonna sprinkle it in .fic.i' . it's gonna be EVERYWHERE. i'm just so obsessed with it.
i'm sorry 'bout it but at the same time i'm really, really not.