Hello again, everyone! Here I am!
So yeah, here we go again, wrapping up what the last chapter started. No battles at least so hopefully I can do a little better here. Many thanks as usual to those who follow and favorite, and especially so to the few reviewers.
Welp, time to get this show on the road. I don't own Fire Emblem of course.
DIVINE PULSE!
Extra: A Small Step
Imperial Year 1180, Day 31 of the Garland Moon
"Ugh...ugh..."
Bernadetta groaned as she tossed and turned in her bed, her eyes slowly opening as the accursed sun was leaking in through the curtains of her window.
"Go away," she groaned again, pulling her pillow over her head.
Before heading to bed, Byleth had given everyone in the class word that they would have a free day to recharge from their mission, and Bernadetta had that same courtesy, thanks to Manuela telling her as much through the door earlier. Not that Bernadetta paid much attention. She felt like sleeping the day away regardless if she was allowed to or not. She had not done much since arriving back at the monastery. After passing out upon getting back to her room, she had only woken up briefly to at least wash herself, allow her dirty clothes to be taken away in the laundry (more like just leave them outside instead of letting them inside), and change into her nightgown. After that, it was lights out, as she was too tired to literally do anything else.
Even now, with it likely mid-morning judging from the angle of the light, Bernadetta didn't want to move.
"Ugh..." she sighed, pulling her pillow closer over her head.
Her sleep was peaceful if nothing else. As much as seeing "him" in her mind from that battle had scared her, more often than not it went away rather quickly. She had dealt with him enough over time to move past that sort of thing. If anything, her mind just felt kind of empty now, just blank of all deep thoughts at the moment.
Unfortunately, her curtains weren't enough to keep a lot of the sunlight out, and she groaned as she plopped onto her back, realizing that it wasn't going to let her sleep any longer.
"Fine, you win," she groaned, finally getting out of bed.
Byleth didn't fare much better. For all intents and purposes, he felt like he had needed the longer sleep as much as the students if not more. It actually took Sothis to wake him up.
"Okay, it's time for you to get up! You are not sleeping the day away!"
He had never felt so groggy, not even when traveling with Jeralt's mercenaries. Still, guess he had no choice but to get up now. Sighing, he got up and got dressed, making himself as presentable as possible. At least, he could try to make sure no one else saw him looking down in the dumps. With no classes to tend to or really any work that needed to be done, perhaps a little walk before any meal would do him some good.
"You need to set a better example. Those kids look up to you after all."
"I know," Byleth replied. The last thing he really needed right now was to listen to Sothis grumbling about him.
A small "hmph" that echoed through his head was all he needed to know she heard him.
Once he was fully dressed, Byleth stepped out into the morning sun. At least, he assumed that much at this point. Some students were running by, giving him a casual greeting as they passed. Still, he was mostly left to his own devices, which suited him just fine for now. He'd have to give his report of the mission to Rhea soon enough too. Guess he'd have to prepare for that as well.
He walked down the steps of the dormitories, leading to the bottom row. Seeing Bernadetta's room, he wondered if she was doing any better. Did a night of sleep help her better than him? Although he still wasn't sure if he could really look her in the eye after everything that happened, he hoped so.
Right at that moment, as he was passing by, the door to her room slowly opened. Bernadetta walked into view, looking about as alive as he felt right now. He froze in place, unsure what to say if she were to approach him.
"Bern..." He talked almost instinctively, though he felt himself clamp up halfway through her name.
Even so, Bernadetta's wild hair stood on end when she heard him, barely sparing him a glance before she heard her cry and run off in the other direction. Byleth barely had time to react before she was already out of sight. He sighed as he put his hand back down to his side.
"Perhaps I shouldn't interfere from now on," he spoke.
"You sure about that? You going to give up?" asked Sothis. Surprisingly, her tone lacked her usual edge.
"The only reason she was in that situation was that I forced it," Byleth replied. "And now I've made her scared of me as well. I should leave her to her own class. She'll probably be better off."
"...I'm not going to force you. Just make sure it's not something you'll regret," replied Sothis. "It might not have been much but I think you connected with her a little bit."
"Maybe, but it might have done more harm than good," Byleth replied. "When I saw her crying like that, covered in blood, I didn't know how to react. Not even any words to say. I just...put my hand on her head like somehow it was all okay."
"You can't control everything on a battlefield. Even with the power to rewind time, you're not all-powerful," replied Sothis. "Given the circumstances, it's a miracle you all got out alive. Time heals all wounds, but that does no good if you have no life left."
Wise words, but Byleth wasn't sure what to do with them at this time. Perhaps he could take those words to heart once he had to get back to teaching his students. The Golden Deer was still his responsibility after all. Perhaps once he had time, he could look Bernadetta in the eye and perhaps make reparations with her. He wasn't sure if she even wanted to talk with him at this point, given how she avoided him on the way back.
Sighing, he put his hands in his pockets and began to walk around, thoughts of his students ever on his mind. Claude would be a good place to start.
SPLASH!
Feeling the first real bath she'd had since coming back, Bernadetta savored the feeling, like the water was cleaning away more than the filth on her body. A lot of people liked to think she didn't bathe much due to how rarely she ever got out of her room, but she certainly did bathe when she could. Granted, with how she often left her hair as a bushy mess, perhaps that was why.
In any case, the silence of the women's bathing area at the moment gave Bernadetta plenty of room to just get lost in her own thoughts. The water left her skin clean, yet it didn't do much for the metaphorical blood on her body. Even now, she could still imagine all the blood that was on her hands, clothes, and even the wound on her leg that had scarred a little. Additionally, there was that strange sensation she had once felt of getting stabbed in the stomach, even though it was pristine. At this point though. Bernadetta shrugged it off as her head all out of whack.
"Whatever," she grumbled. "I'm fine. Totally...utterly...completely fine..."
She was alone now. No one around her right now. No one could hurt her, especially not "that" man of all people. She so wanted to believe that, even as just thinking that fight with the swordsman threatened to renew tears in her eyes. She threw some more water on her face, shaking it off once she was done. She looked at her face, seeing the streaks of water going down her face. It reminded her of that misty weather all too much.
"Stop thinking about Bernie!" She smacked her head a bit. "Just...forget about it. It's not like anyone likes you. You're useless. Just never bother anyone with your presence again."
Yeah...just don't bother anyone and maybe this won't happen ever again. Her classmates wouldn't miss her, and Byleth would probably prefer one less headache.
Imperial Year 1180, Day 1 of the Blue Sea Moon
The start of a new month, yet it felt like the feelings Byleth had from the last mission had yet to fade away. Ever since they had gotten back, he had allowed his class a little bit of time to themselves. They had earned it after the unexpected battle they just went through. He may be new to teaching, but even he could see a little bit of downtime was necessary for these kids.
He wasn't sure what he could do for Bernadetta, or whether he even should. After that, he couldn't help but wonder if, in his desire to help her, he had overstepped his bounds. He would glance over at her door a few times, but he couldn't think of whatever to say to her if he approached her.
He needed a little time to think, and had wandered around the monastery for a time afterward. Finding the lower floors to be a little too noisy for his liking, he happened to find himself on the upper floors, to which a certain someone happened to see him looking out a window.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" asked a kind but stern voice.
It was one Byleth knew very well, so he wasn't alarmed to see Jeralt coming up near him. Guess he had wandered near where his office was.
"It's nothing," Byleth looked back towards the window. "Just lost in thought."
"I see," Jeralt replied calmly, before grasping Byleth's shoulder. "Hey, why don't you come with me? Sit down for a bit. I've finished with work for the time being."
Byleth wasn't too sure if he wanted company, but he obliged all the same. He followed Jeralt to his office, the door closing behind him as they did. Jeralt offered him a seat, along with some tea.
"Sorry, it's been there a while," Jeralt spoke as he sat down opposite Byleth. "Making the stuff isn't exactly my strong suit, but I guess it's worthwhile now and then."
"It's fine," Byleth replied, taking a sip before looking off into space again.
"Okay, now I know something's wrong," Jeralt spoke. "I know you're not the most expressive guy, but even then I've never seen you looking off this much before. Is it related to the mission you just came back from?"
As astute as ever. Hiding anything from his father wasn't easy.
"...Yes," Byleth replied softly.
"I heard it was pretty rough. Couldn't have been easy fighting civilians, even if they were taking up arms against you," Jeralt murmured a bit. "Sometimes things like that happened with our mercenary troupe. It's never easy when civilians get involved in noble's affairs."
"Right..." Byleth replied. "Still...I...I should have been better prepared."
"Perhaps, but no one can predict the future," Jeralt replied. "If anything, it sounds like you did well to keep those brats in good condition. At the least, no one died, and that's what counts."
Byleth's grip tightened on his cup a little. That's the thing. No one else could know what he knew. Sure, they may not be dead now, but some were for a time. Not just his own students, but one he had dragged along for the ride. The images of seeing them on the ground, bleeding out, still went through his head. His grip tightened on his cup, not sure what he could say about this.
"Still...I need to be better," Byleth finally spoke.
Jeralt hummed a bit. Clearly, something was troubling his son, something he wasn't sure he knew what. Byleth was never the most expressive person, but Jeralt could tell which things he could help with even then. This didn't seem to be one of those things.
"I'll admit I don't know what's going through your mind," spoke Jeralt. "But don't rush through things. Take your time to think about what needs to be done. You're young. You're still at an age where you'll make mistakes. Make sure you take them to heart so they don't happen again."
"I will," Byleth nodded slowly. That was one thing he knew for sure. He never wanted anyone to experience that again. If there was never a scenario where he had to use Divine Pulse, all the better.
He wasn't sure if this talk helped much. However, it was nice to know his father was in his corner, even if he couldn't understand the depth of what Byleth went through during their mission. It was a comforting moment at least. Perhaps it would be good for Byleth to just take his time, figure out what should be done as it comes.
"Thank you," Byleth nodded. "And for the tea as well."
"You're welcome, but I know it doesn't taste all that good," Jeralt smiled. "Nothing compares to a cold one."
From there, it became a rather normal talk between the two, just enjoying the time they had for the day.
Imperial Year 1180, Day 4 of the Blue Sea Moon
"Bern! Come on out!" Dorothea knocked loudly on the door. "Bernadetta!"
She had been out here for a good ten minutes or so, trying to get Bernadetta out since she knew she was still in there. Caspar and Petra were behind her, both of them equally confused.
"She really doesn't want to come out, does she?" Caspar scratched his head. "Honestly, she's been funny ever since coming back from the Golden Deer's mission. She does know our classes have started again, right?"
"Did something go wrong?" Petra asked out of concern. "I miss seeing her classing...er, in class."
"I guess that makes sense. I've never seen Claude be quiet for a whole day and Raphael wasn't even up to see who could eat lunch faster the other day," Caspar sighed. "Edelgard's not going to be happy, especially after Bernadetta was coming to class more often."
Dorothea looked at the door sadly. As much as Bernadetta wasn't particularly close with any of the Black Eagles, they had formed at least a bit of camaraderie. Dorothea already considered the two of them friends in spite of the fact that they didn't talk much. Still, Bernadetta had been especially quiet since coming back. She didn't know all the details from the rebellion the Golden Deer had to help suppress, but it couldn't have been pretty.
Well, she really didn't want to escalate things, and they would be late to class themselves if they lingered around longer. Sighing, she turned around, Caspar and Petra joining her.
After a few more minutes passed, Bernadetta actually opened her door to peek.
"Ah, they're gone," she said before closing the door again. "Good. Fewer people around, the better."
Really, Bernadetta didn't feel the need to go back to class, not if she was going to do more of what she did before. She was sure Edelgard and/or Professor Manuela would probably come by soon enough if nothing else to give her classwork. In any case, she went and closed her door again, walking over to her desk and plopping her head down on it.
"Ugh...I still see it every time I close my eyes," she sighed.
Even just doing some of her favorite hobbies was hard. Every now and then, the flashes of what happened would cross her vision, that gloomy battlefield littered with bodies all over the place. Not just that, but the fact that everyone else there fought so hard. They were all bloodied and dirtied, yet triumphant.
But for her...
Her bloodied hands that stabbed that arrow into the head of that man stared right back at her.
"Ahhh!" she cried as she shook her hands as if trying to shake off the imaginary blood. Of course, there was no blood to speak of, yet Bernadetta couldn't help but imagine it.
To an extent, Bernadetta wondered if she needed some fresh air. Aside from washing and occasional food, she wasn't spending much time outside of her room, so it was getting quite stuffy. Normally, Bernadetta hardly minded the stuffiness, but sitting here now, she wondered if maybe she needed to wander a bit to clear her head. Classes were going on right now, so perhaps she could sneak away to the greenhouse or something.
Yeah...plants. They never thought she was useless so they'd be fine.
With that in mind, Bernadetta closed the book she was trying to read yet couldn't, packing it into her bag as she peaked outside of her door. Yep, no one around. Perfect! Thankfully, the greenhouse wasn't too far away, so she didn't have to go far before it was in view. She maneuvered around the edge of the dormitories, sneaking her way down to where the greenhouse was. She was pretty good at it thanks to her frequently using the place as a sanctuary of sorts.
"Ah, much better," Bernadetta smiled as she smelled in the local plant life.
The plants always smelled so nice here, especially the flowers. Most of them were flowers you could find anywhere in Garreg Mach, but there occasionally were foreign plants introduced, which she liked. She hid around closer to the back, sitting down and leaning against the wall as she reached into her bag and pulled her book back out. This at least improved her mood a little bit. If nothing else, her head was clearer.
Bernadetta wasn't sure of how much time passed as she sat there. On occasion, she could hear the sounds of other students, but nothing came near her. She came pretty close to sleeping on a couple of occasions. She wasn't much closer to figuring how to get over her new problem though, something that lingered on her mind all throughout.
"Ugh, why can't I..."
"Bernadetta?"
"Ahhhhhhh!"
Bernadetta nearly jumped ten feet in the air at hearing her name being called. Her face suddenly shot to the spot in front of her, seeing Ashe blinking in confusion right at her.
"Sorry, did I startle you?" he asked, scratching the back of his head. "I didn't think anyone else would be here right now."
"Oh...okay..." Bernadetta replied slowly, not moving from her spot. "W-Why are you here then?"
"Well, I guess I needed some privacy myself," Ashe sighed a little. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about that mission, and about Lonato."
Bernadetta nodded, though she didn't say anything about it. What could she say, really? Ashe didn't seem to expect a response either, given he continued the conversation.
"Every moment, day and night, I've thought about it. Why it all happened," Ashe shook his head. "Of course, there's only so much I can think of on my own. I'd like to find answers one day, but I need to think about my own future too. I like to believe that Lonato would have wanted that."
"How so?" Bernadetta spoke up.
"Regardless of how it turned out, I'm grateful to Professor Byleth for allowing me to come along," Ashe smiled a little. "And...the more I think on it, the more I realize I might not have seen as much as I did otherwise."
Bernadetta just sat there, listening to Ashe's little talk. She wasn't sure what he was getting at, though he seemed to be figuring out where he wanted to go next. She couldn't say the same thing for herself. There wasn't much conversation after that, given she had very little in the way of talking back to him. Still, Ashe didn't seem to mind having someone to at least hear him out.
After another minute, Ashe thanked her for her time and went out, also with a promise that he wouldn't say anything about Bernadetta hiding in here. Just about everyone knew about that aspect of her after all. It left her alone with her thoughts once more, although she ended up not really looking at the flowers anymore. Rather, she just stared off into space, sometimes at the greenhouse ceiling as she pondered.
Ashe probably lost more in that last battle than anyone else did. Yet, despite all that, he seemed to be moving forward and was even grateful to Byleth for bringing him to witness it himself. Meanwhile, she was still beating herself up for everything, and she wasn't sure what she felt in regards to Byleth. Was it a good thing she went on the mission or not?
She couldn't figure it out either way.
Imperial Year 1180, Day 10 of the Blue Sea Moon
"Ugh, what a day to be out and about," groaned Bernadetta.
Today was just one of those days where even being in her room just wasn't working out. Even those types of days come about every so often. There weren't any classes today, so everyone was out enjoying the weather, which at least gave her some level of privacy around. Most knights or clergy that passed by her paid her little mind anyway. So, that had all lead to her basically doing a little bit of wandering around.
"Maybe I'll see if there are any books in the library that might be good," she said. "It's sure to be pretty empty with so many people outside."
She liked the idea. Perhaps a good book would keep her occupied for a good while. The library was so big that she probably couldn't even read everything over the one year she had here. Guess that sounded like as good an idea as any. So, feeling perfectly settled in that idea, she began to make a turn towards where she could move up to the next floor.
She went up the many cases of stairs up to the floor where the library was, thankfully coming across very few people other than the clergy, who typically minded their own business anyway. Fine by her. Once she made it to the top, she made another turn into the library, which was as un-crowded as she imagined it to be.
"Phew, good," she sighed with a small smile.
Walking slowly, and hearing her footsteps echoing slightly, she made her way further inside the library.
"AHH! Oh, it's you..." Bernadetta caught her breath. "S-Sorry...I thought you might have been someone else."
"It's alright," Byleth nodded slowly. Even after a few days, he still felt anxious around her. "I was just doing some research for my next class."
"O-Oh...I see," Bernadetta nodded a little in surprise. "It's just that you don't look like...Ahh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to imply that..."
"...It's nothing..." Byleth replied, head still down. "I just...come here when I have some work to do."
The air was thick with anticipation, with neither one making a move or making so much as a sound. What they had said already was pretty awkward to begin with. Byleth kept his head looking down at his work the whole time, whereas Bernadetta kept looking off to the side, her body already half-hidden by the bookcase.
"Oh...right. Well, y-you go ahead then..." Bernadetta said, staying in place.
"Right..." Byleth replied, his eyes not meeting hers. "...You take care, Bernadetta."
"S-Sure... goodbye..." Bernadetta stuttered again.
Byleth went back to the books he had on the table, while Bernadetta began to walk off to another side of the library, putting the two out of sight of each other. The brief talk was the most they had spoken since the mission last month, even that seemed to be filled with apprehension between the two. Whenever Bernadetta looked back at him, she couldn't help but think back to how she felt on that battlefield. It made it hard to look him in the eye.
As Bernadetta looked through some books, she couldn't help but think how exactly she felt. Did her apprehension around Byleth come from thinking she disappointed him? She surely didn't do well, and the fact that she wasn't being asked to help again was probably a sign of that. Though, even now, she could still feel the sensation of blood on her hands and clothes. Just the thought of it sent her stomach into backflips. The bad dreams had died down thankfully, but she still felt bad all the same.
For as scared as she was though, she was genuinely worried for Byleth. She noticed how distraught he looked as the battle ended, how troubled he was by how things had turned out. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a book here that could give her any kind of answers on how to deal with this? She wanted to just put it aside and focus on her hobbies, yet this bagging feeling regarding the young Professor just wouldn't go away. Just what was this feeling?
Was it just fear of something she hoped would never happen again? Was it guilt over having run away and leaving everything to Byleth and the others? Or having killed that militiamen at point-blank range? She didn't understand so much regarding that day, and she had tried to shove most of it away over these couple of weeks. Easier to that than constantly feel bad about it.
One thing was for sure though, she didn't like seeing Byleth so upset about it. Could she talk to someone else about it? As if. She barely talked with anyone. Dorothea talked with her on occasion, but the two weren't particularly close at this time despite Bernadetta's admiration for the level-headed singer. There was Edelgard, but she wasn't sure there either, and it wasn't like she spoke much with Professor Manuela.
Never before had Bernadetta realized that she really had no outlet for these types of emotions. A sigh escaped her lips once more as she continued to look through the books, her mind unable to leave her current predicament.
Her hands shook a little as she just stood in place, not even looking at the books she was here for in the first place. Suddenly, she didn't feel so much for reading anymore. Just standing here made her feel out of place.
A slight whimper escaping her lips, she slowly made her way out of the library, not sparing a glance towards anyone.
Imperial Year 1180, Day 14 of the Blue Sea Moon
"What about getting her a gift?"
"Are you sure? I'm not even aware of what she likes."
"Well, you would be in luck there, Professor. I know just the thing. None of us have been able to coax her out of it so I'm sure you could."
"Here is what you ordered, Professor," said the merchant.
"Much obliged," Byleth said courteously, getting knocked out of his thoughts as he thanked the merchant and went on her way.
As he began to walk back to the main part of the monastery, Byleth looked at what he was carrying. It was a bag containing a book on music. Over time, he can come to learn many of his students' likes and dislikes, even writing them down for quick reference. Anything he could to get a better idea for the sorts of people they were. This extended to even the other house students of note, little quirks he happened to notice during his occasional interactions. Bernadetta was a little tricky in that regard, as he didn't exactly have many interactions with the girl to learn about her interests. To that end, he had to seek a little outside help and hoped one of the Black Eagles would help him.
Eventually, he had run into Dorothea, who seemed to have an idea or two as to what the little Varley heiress would like. She had overheard Bernadetta humming on her own a couple of times in the past and seemed sure she liked music. She passed that information along to Byleth, hoping perhaps he could help more than they could. That same conversation included news that Bernadetta was still avoiding any general contact with others, with her not showing up in class constantly again.
"You've already gotten her out more than we have. I know you can do it again."
He still had yet to really say anything to her even after two weeks. After consoling his own class and helping them to move on, he wanted to at least do right by her. He had restrained himself from asking her to join him for any meals or other such occasions around the monastery, feeling inadequate to make any comments to her at this time. Still, learning that she had a liking for these sorts of things, he thought he could spare a little of his personal salary to get her one.
Still, the question remained of how to actually give it to her. Just walk right up to her and say he got her something? No, even looking her in the eye was proving difficult, and he didn't want to unnerve her even more. He supposed he could ask someone, though it seemed kind of wrong to ask someone for such a little errand. He kept on thinking about it until he happened to enter the main hall, his mind still occupied by his thoughts.
"Ah, Professor!" came a booming voice. "What brings you here on this fine day?"
Alois was walking down the hall, probably conducting business of his own. Of course, he always spared a minute or two for Byleth.
"Nothing much, Alois," nodded Byleth.
"You sure? I hear things have been a little rough for you of late," Alois spoke before frowning slightly. "I realize I never got to express my condolences for what happened. It's never easy, isn't it?"
"No," Byleth shook his head. "I never imagined something like that would be so..."
"I understand. My first few missions as a Knight of Seiros were much like that," Alois nodded. "It was tough, but I learned to fight through it. I believed what I was doing was right."
"I suppose you would need something like that," Byleth replied. "I do believe we did what we had to. I just...worry about what I put my students through. I'm more concerned for them than myself."
"It does my heart good to hear you say that," Alois smiled a little. "They look up to you a great deal. I passed by Claude a little while ago in fact. Your house seems to be in high spirits. No doubt thanks to you."
"I think Claude equally deserves thanks," Byleth replied. "I'm their teacher, but he knows them better than I do. Plus, I think he knows a thing or two about dealing with conflicts like these."
"Well, being the heir to the Alliance, I don't doubt it," Alois agreed, before looking to Byleth's hands. "Oh, and what's that there?"
"Oh, it's...something," Byleth replied after a pause. "For...someone."
"Really? If it's not too much trouble, might I ask whom?" Alois asked.
Byleth wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it too much, but Alois was a good friend of his father's, so maybe he could confide in him.
"Well...I wanted to get something for Bernadetta," Byleth replied.
"The heiress to House Varley? From the Black Eagles?" Alois asked.
"Yes...I asked for her to accompany on our mission. With how alone she is much of the time, I hoped that maybe I could help her, so I thought her joining for the mission would be a good experience," Byleth spoke. "But...I think I may have done more harm than good. She was horrified by the experience, and I couldn't do much to comfort her. I don't want to hurt her more than I already have."
Alois looked contemplative at Byleth's explanation.
"I see, so that's what's troubling you," spoke Alois. "And are you not sure how to face her?"
"We've talked a couple of times, but nothing big," said Byleth. "I...I don't want to abandon helping her...but I'm worried about what I might do. I had a thought of getting her something nice, but thinking about it, I'm not sure if I can face her."
"Hmm..." Alois hummed as he nodded, closing his eyes in thought. He came back with a smile. "Well, if you ask me, I think you can do it. I'm sure the young lady understands on some level. If you just have a heart to heart, I'm positive you can rebuild your trust again."
"Perhaps..." Byleth mumbled, not entirely convinced such a thing would work with him and Bernadetta. If only it was that simple.
"No good, huh?" Alois frowned a little. However, after a few seconds, his smile popped back. "Okay, tell you what. I'll deliver the gift for you! I'm happy to do whatever I can to assist you until you feel you're ready."
"What? Oh no I couldn't," replied Byleth. "It's my problem..."
"Nonsense! I'd be happy to help out!" Alois laughed, taking over the contents in Byleth's hands. "Maybe I can help break the ice between the two of you. Better than nothing, right?"
Byleth wasn't too sure about that. Was it really a good idea to leave it to someone else? Alois was a good man if a little unorthodox. The man was always willing to lend an ear or help out in some way, and it was hard to get him to stop once he settled on something.
"Well...alright," Byleth relented.
"You can count on me!" Alois laughed, giving Byleth a pat on the shoulder. "By the time I'm done, I'm sure the two of you can make up!"
With another laugh, the elder knight went off on his way. Byleth hoped he wasn't making some huge mistake. One could only wonder how this would go.
Alois was generally a confident guy with anything he came across, and he meant every word he had spoken to Byleth just a moment ago. Although he neared the student dorms, doubt began to creep into his mind once he seriously began to think about what he was trying to do. Bernadetta was not the easiest person to talk to, and even he knew what sorts of things happened when trying to commune with the Varley heiress.
"Now...how do I go about doing this?" the knight sighed. "Bernadetta's as timid as a mouse, and that's when speaking with people of her own age! She'll likely scream the very second she sees me. Maybe this is a mistake. All that noise is going to frighten the other students."
Pacing a bit around the girls' dorms, the senior knight now wasn't so sure himself about how he was going to go about speaking to Bernadetta. Guess he could now imagine how Byleth must feel about the whole thing.
At that moment though, while Alois was deep in thought, Bernadetta was just returning from powdering her nose, tilting her head in confusion at seeing him right outside her room, pacing like he was quite stressed. Funny enough, she didn't feel scared around the guy all that much, something she had noticed a few weeks ago. She wasn't quite sure why. Maybe it was because he kind of had the same personality as her Uncle Wilbur. He certainly had the same silliness that was for sure. In any case though, there was the fact that he was in the way of her getting back in her room, and she wondered why he was stressed.
"Um...Hi! Can I help you?" Bernadetta asked.
"Ah, hello! Apologies if I'm loitering around," Alois spoke, not even turning around to face her. "I have some business with Bernadetta, but I'm not sure how to approach her."
Approach her? Approach her for what?
"I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean, but OK. What business do you have with Bernie?" Bernadetta asked, just going along with the fact that the knight was talking as if he had no idea she was here.
"Well, you see, I'd like to deliver something to her. It's from Professor Byleth, you see. I'm trying to deliver it for him," Alois continued.
Bernadetta's eyes widened a little. Byleth? Something from Byleth? What could this be about?
"P-Professor Byleth?" Bernadetta asked with a slight stutter that she quickly covered up. "What for?"
"Well, you didn't hear this from me, but the professor is quite worried about her," Alois continued, still just looking at the door and shaking his head. "He wants to make it up to her because of the mission he brought her on."
Bernadetta's eyes widened again. Byleth wanted to make it up to her? He wasn't disappointed in the way she acted? She was the one who went and got in trouble in the first place.
"He's not mad at her?" Bernadetta asked.
"Hah, far from it. He wishes he could have done more for her," Alois laughed. "Oh, but don't tell her I said all of this. Just let her know it's a gift from the professor. I don't want her to freak out about it."
Too late for that, although Bernadetta maintained her outward appearance. Her mind was all a fuss with the idea that Byleth had what happened on his mind as well. It left her at a loss for words.
"In any case, I'd like to deliver this on his behalf," Alois continued, only just now turning around to look at her. "Would you mind taking it the rest of the way? I'm sure she'd appreciate it."
At the least, him addressing her got her out of her head.
"Oh...well, sure I can do that," Bernadetta replied slowly as the package was put in her hands. "Um, I'm going to go in now, if that's OK."
Bernadetta walked right into her room with that end to the conversation, closing the door behind her rather quickly. For Alois' part, he seemed satisfied.
"Well wasn't that nice of Bernadetta's friend...making that delivery for me," he smiled, before the gears started to turn in his head.
Wait...the girl he just handed that to went right into Bernadetta's room and didn't that look like...
"Wait a second...That was Bernadetta!" the knight cried out. "But how could that be?! She spoke so normally. In fact, she was rather friendly. What's going on?"
The senior knight was pleasantly surprised, yet also very confused. How did meek little Bernadetta speak so normally around him? And furthermore, didn't he just spill the beans when he wasn't intending to?
"Oh dear..." he frowned. "I hope I didn't make things worse..."
Bernadetta was quite confused as she looked at the package Alois had given her. What would all that have meant? Did Byleth feel more guilty about the whole situation than she did? She had no idea how to interpret what was going on. And what could this be anyway?
"Probably nothing important," Bernadetta sighed. "No one would get someone like me something nice."
Alois had to be exaggerating or something. She blew the mission. She wasn't helpful. She never was. Edelgard always sighed at her inability to do anything right. Why would Byleth go through any trouble for her? It's no wonder he and her never had any more encounters like before. She'd just be a nuisance...
And through Bernadetta's mental self-deprecation, she opened the bag, gasping a little as she looked inside. It looked like a book on music. Nothing fancy. It was something you could find just about anywhere. However, it was a nice book all the same, with some little facts about music and general tips. On the one hand, Bernadetta could wonder if this meant someone heard her singing and thought she sounded horrible, and her mind nearly went down that route.
But, on the other hand, it was actually a pretty thoughtful gift. How did Byleth know she liked music in the first place? She never told him as much during their few interactions. Then again, he was a teacher. Maybe they just knew these things. Kind of a scary thought if you thought about it.
Was Alois really being true that Byleth was sorry? She wasn't sure either way. The fact that she wasn't sure how to feel made her sad and confused.
"I...I should thank him though..." Bernadetta said slowly. "But...how? Why would he...care so much in the first place?"
And how in the world could she talk to him even she could barely even look him in the face? That one instance in the library was the only time they shared any real words, which wasn't exactly a lot.
Bernadetta groaned again as she looked at the nice gift. Oh, just what to do? Was she really so useless that she couldn't even thank someone? Just like in battle, she was useless...
She gasped a little bit as she felt a single tear streak down her cheek.
Imperial Year 1180, Day 17 of the Blue Sea Moon
"You're dismissed."
The Golden Deer house was excused after their usual day of studies. Up until this point, their class activities had gone back and forth between typical classes and their investigations regarding the potential threat on the Archbishop's life. Byleth and Claude were pretty sure that the Holy Mausoleum was going to be the target, and given what their class assignment was going to be, they'd have to be extra careful.
Some normalcy had returned in that regard. While the scars of the battle against Lord Lonato still remained to an extent, the students had done their best to move on, as did Byleth. The class went a few days on a couple of runs outside for the Church in between classes, gaining some needed battle experience. Byleth used the chance to refresh on his group leadership skills, and things seemed to be improving. The morale of the Golden Deer was rising, with much of ordinary life bringing back some of the cheer of old. Of course, some like Raphael and Leonie never lost their spunk to begin with. That probably helped.
In a sense, it helped Byleth to put some of it behind him and focus on the future. That being said, Bernadetta was the one last thread that needed to be taken care of, and Byleth hadn't done much about it in the last few days since his sorry attempt at a gift. Alois had told him how it went, and about how he blurted out a lot to what he had assumed to be a friend of Bernadetta's. That didn't exactly help.
"It's never going to end unless I actually speak my thoughts on it," Byleth talked out loud, more of a statement than anything else.
"You finally come up with something?" spoke Sothis.
"Hmm, that's the first time in a while you've spoken up," Byleth replied.
"As I said, I'm not forcing anything. I can't tell you how to handle your relationships. Besides, the way you were a while ago, I doubt you would have listened."
"That's a fair point," Byleth replied. "I'm sure if it's a good idea, but maybe directly approaching her will do something. Then again..."
Byleth continued to mumble to himself even as he exited the classroom. Perhaps it would be good for him to continue readying the Golden Deer for their guard duty later that month, now that they had a greater understanding of what might happen. Though, that was just further putting off him directly dealing with this last little remaining thread. This seemed to happen all month long for Byleth, just not fully thinking of a plan to directly approach Bernadetta.
'Seriously, just approach her already. You're constantly overthinking,' thought Sothis. 'I thought you would have been more confident when that other kid joined your class.'
True, Ashe joining Byleth's class was a surprise, but a welcome one. Byleth had spoken with the young man on occasion and had welcomed him into the Golden Deer as did everyone else. It helped that Ashe had kind of been helping them out through the month too, so it helped make the transition rather easy. Listening to Ashe thank Byleth for bringing Byleth on the mission made Byleth feel a little better, although it had not soothed his feelings on Bernadetta's situation. Ashe and Bernadetta had two different reactions to what happened, and he needed to do right by the latter somehow.
Byleth continued around the western side of the monastery, still thinking over what he could say. Guess he could start with a casual intro, or perhaps get straight to the point. That might be faster given Bernadetta's tendency to stay away from him of late. But, if he came on too strong, he could scare her off even quicker. Ugh, there really wasn't any sort of quick fix to this.
In any case, her door was closed as expected, and there was no indication that she had left at the moment. Byleth took a breath. This was it. Time to deliver his own words that he had been holding on to for this whole month so far.
'Just say it in your own words,' said Sothis. 'As I said, I'm not helping you, nor can you even if I wanted to. If you say words you don't mean, it won't help anything. The girl is oddly perceptive.'
That was true. Bernadetta seemed to have a certain sense for deciphering the context behind words, even if she often interpreted it as something against her. In any case, Sothis was right about this, and he steeled himself.
Knock Knock
There was no verbal answer, but Byleth could hear the sudden shuffling from inside that was a sure sign the room was occupied.
"Bernadetta?" he called out, hearing another shuffle. "I...I'm sorry to interrupt. However, if it's alright, there are some things I'd like to say. You don't have to reply if you don't want to."
As he expected, there was indeed no reply. Still, he felt like he had at least had her attention.
Inside the room, the lone occupant was indeed paying attention. She hadn't expected to hear Byleth's voice at this time of day, or at all given their lack of contact during this month. Bernadetta immediately wondered what he could be here for.
'Is it about the mission last month? Or the gift? Or neither one?! Either way, it wasn't encouraging to her. Maybe she can hide under the bed and that would block much of the noise? No, that wouldn't work...and wouldn't that be really rude?
"Bernadetta..."
That one word created a strong silence between them both, neither moving and waiting for whatever was to come next. Byleth closed his eyes briefly, ready to come through with it at long last.
"I just wanted to say...that I apologize for putting you through that last month."
Byleth took a sharp breath, meaning this was it. No going back now. For Bernadetta's side, her eyes widened, shocked at what she heard.
"I should start from the beginning. I...was truly impressed with how you had developed over the previous month and thought that perhaps bringing you along for our mission would give you some experience. I didn't anticipate matters going south as they did."
The moments throughout the last couple of months went through Byleth's mind: meeting Bernadetta, helping her on occasion, possibly seeing her more than her classmates did, and seeing her progress which lead to him thinking of having her come along. Funny how, when thinking of it like this, it felt like no time at all. It wasn't all that long enough that Byleth came here in the first place, taking on this role of teacher and entwining him with the lives of all these students. And yet, this one student who wasn't even one of his own directly had remained in his mind, as a girl who seemed to struggle more than most.
Bernadetta's thoughts were kind of similar. Hearing Byleth talk about her development was odd to hear, someone who spent most of their time away. She hadn't thought much of it if the little times she spent practicing or times she actually attended class really did anything positive. She couldn't deny that it was nice to hear her complicated, but at the same time, it felt like it didn't help at all, given how the mission turned out.
"In truth, I was..." Byleth paused slightly before continuing. "I was just glad that you were alive. When I saw you scared and covered in blood, I just...I felt like I had failed you, that I had not guided you as I should. I suppose, at that moment, I wanted to do something to comfort you."
'Huh?...Y...You did...?'
Bernadetta's thoughts didn't leave her head, but images flashed of what immediately happened after her struggle with the swordsman. How Byleth never said anything bad to her, rather he put lightly put his hand on her head as if to give some measure of comfort. It was the one time throughout that whole trip that Bernadetta felt any measure of peace.
A part of her wanted to say something, given all Byleth had said to her so far, but her mouth refused to work. Another silence filled the air before Byleth spoke again.
"Maybe...that's why I've found it hard to approach you this month. I feared I would do something to harm your development again. So, perhaps it would be best if you stuck to your class. They can likely help you better than I can."
Byleth didn't really want to believe that, that he was not a bad influence for her, but much of him thought this would be for the best. They had been walking around this all month long, so cutting it not might save them both trouble.
"Hmm, so that's your decision? You're not going to watch over her and leave it to others?"
It wasn't a criticism, more a statement of fact. That was what Byleth was doing, trying to entrust her to her own class to lead her development rather than him himself interfering. It was his own fault for overstepping after all.
"Yes, this is best," he said to himself, before raising it once more to Bernadetta's door. "That's all I wanted to say, Bernadetta. Take care."
There was no further sound, giving Byleth the impression that this "talk" was over. Byleth had hoped a little that Bernadetta would say something, a confirmation in some direction. However, no noise came. No indication she even listened to a word he said. Still, guess he said all he could in the end. He wasn't great with words to begin with, so perhaps this was doomed to fail from the start. Closing his eyes with a solemn breath, he turned to leave, not sparing another word. Of course, he held no ill will towards Bernadetta for her silence. Just that maybe this was the right choice after all.
'Wait...Wait...'
Part of Bernadetta wanted to say something. The voice outside had gone silent, but there were sounds of footsteps. He was leaving...but was everything he said true? That he didn't resent her at all? Rather that he wished he could have done more? She wasn't sure, but she wanted to know more, to know about what he was saying. Before she knew it, she was rushing to her door, unlocking it faster than she ever had before.
"Professor!" she called out.
And yet, there was nothing but silence. Whoeever was here was already gone. Bernadetta's heart fell at the sight of it. She was too late to say anything, and he would naturally assume that she had nothing to say about anything he told her.
"Oh...why can't I do anything right...?"
A part of her wanted to think that everything he said wasn't entirely true, that even though she was scared, it wasn't because of him or his actions. In fact, he was the reason she felt any layer of safety during that trip, and his actions immediately following her battle with the swordsman calmed her deeply. She didn't really want that feeling to go away, but would he even get to know now?
Solemnly, she went back inside, now feeling more lost than ever.
Imperial Year 1180, Day 21 of the Blue Sea Moon
Preparations for the Goddesses Rite of Rebirth were well underway. It was only a week until the holiday, yet Garreg Mach was already bustling with faithful followers and all sorts of other events. It was like a mini-festival in a way, and with five days to go until the big day, things were in full swing. As much as Bernadetta would have been happy enough just sitting in her room and leaving it to everyone else, well that wasn't happening this time.
"Hey Bern, grab this end please," requested Dorothea.
"O-Okay," Bernadetta replied.
The Black Eagles were helping out with some of the decorations, welcoming all followers coming to the monastery for the holiday. Having still not attended class, all that much over the past month, Bernadetta had essentially been forced out this time. No student was allowed to skip out on preparations.
And it wasn't nearly enough to get Bernadetta's mind off of what happened a while ago. Now she felt all the worse about how she had been acting. Byleth surely wouldn't want anything to do with her at this point. He even poured out his true feelings on the matter, and she refused to give any sort of answer. Who knows how he felt now, but surely he didn't like her now.
And it didn't take long for Dorothea to take notice. In all honesty, she had some words for Bernadetta herself, having left so much to Byleth over the month. She wanted to get a chance to talk to the girl herself.
"So, Bern," Dorothea started, making the purple-haired girl jump a little.
"Y-Yes?" Bernadetta turned her head. "I'm holding this wrong, aren't I?"
"No no you're not, and it's not about that," Dorothea shook her head. "But, I do have some things to say."
Time to say what was on her mind. Like many others, she too had been holding on to many thoughts.
"You've been down this whole month after you seemed to be doing better before," Dorothea started right off the bat. "I've heard enough that the mission you joined the Golden Deer on was hard on you all."
Bernadetta's eyes widened slightly. Oh no, she was going to talk about that too, wasn't she? Her hands gripped the banner tightly. Dorothea was a girl she would have liked to become a little more friendly with. In fact, she had even talked with the girl some time ago, hoping to be friends. Of course, she ended up running away when the talk brought back unpleasant memories. They hadn't talked about it since and Bernadetta still wasn't ready to talk about that again.
But even Dorothea now commenting on how this month had gone? It filled the young girl with anguish.
From Dorothea's side though, her eyes softened.
"I know there are many things you're not ready to talk to us about, but please at least talk to us about this," she continued. "I'm guessing Professor Byleth is involved because he's been rather down as well. He even asked me for advice on what he could do for you."
Advice? Was she where Byleth got the music book idea? Somehow, that made a whole lot more sense. That aside, Dorothea couldn't have been more right regarding what was troubling her, and she wasn't sure if she liked that or not. She already knew Dorothea wasn't out to get her from the first time the two of them talked. Calling them friends would be stretching it, but at least things were civil.
"Oh...I see," Bernadetta sighed. So he really was going through quite a bit of effort for her. And yet she still acted the way she did.
"Even if you can't tell me exactly what the problem is," Dorothea said as she picked up the banner again. "It doesn't do any good to hold it in."
Bernadetta stood in place, holding her part of the banner. After holding it in for so long, maybe it would be best to do so now. Okay, just take deep breaths and take it slowly...
"Well...um..." Bernadetta began to speak, making Dorothea rose an eyebrow. "I...I got separated from the others during the mission and..."
So, from there, Bernadetta took her time reiterating her story while Dorothea hummed on occasion. From her whole trip to Lonato's territory, forced into an unexpected battle, her being separated from the group, and her struggle for survival against the rogue. Dorothea remained silent throughout the whole story, her facial expressions being the only indication as to her inner thoughts going on. Her eyes widened a bit as Bernadetta went into detail regarding her fight with the swordsman, how she ended up in a close confrontation after her bow was deemed useless. Her grip on the banner even tightened as Bernadetta described the tussle to gain control of any bladed weapon in the vicinity.
"Wait, you really pinned him down?!"
"Uh, m-more like I was holding on for dear life while he was still hitting me."
She continued to describe the struggle, how much her head was hurting from the beating she was taking, how she was cut all over the place, and yet she continued to fight him like a girl possessed. Dorothea actually wanted to praise the girl for her tenacity and ability to fight back, but given how Bernadetta felt about the whole thing, she withheld her words until hearing the full story.
And it was a good thing she did, as even she tensed a little when Bernadetta told her of how she killed the swordsman. Heck, she actually had to put a hand to her mouth just to make sure she didn't blanch, turning her head away from Bernadetta to do so. However, the feeling went away when she described how Byleth had reacted when he got to her.
"Aw, that's pretty cute," Dorothea smiled. "I guess he wanted to help you in some small way."
"I suppose," Bernadetta turned her head away. "But...we've barely talked since. I...I think he regrets taking me along."
"Oh, why's that?" asked Dorothea. "He seemed really worried about you. Why he even came to me for advice on something to make you feel better? Oh, did he get that by the way?! He never said."
"What?!" Bernadetta replied. "The...The music book was your idea?"
"Well, I suggested something like that. He really seemed stumped on what to do to break the ice. Come to think of it, he never told me if he went through with it," Dorothea replied with a thoughtful look.
"Oh, well, he did, although someone else ended up delivering it," replied Bernadetta.
She decided to not mention the specifics of the somewhat awkward encounter with Alois. That was for another day.
"Oh, did he now?" Dorothea replied and then shrugged. "But that's beside the point. Is something still wrong between you two?"
Bernadetta tensed again. She didn't want to mention the one-sided conversation from the other day. Getting into deeper talks with Dorothea wasn't easy, given how their conversation went some weeks ago. Then again, perhaps this was the time, at least to try a little.
"So...He came to my room some time ago. He didn't force his way inside, just talking from the other side," Bernadetta began. "Then he...He talked about he was concerned for me, that he was never mad at me for how I acted during the mission. Instead, he believes he caused me harm by getting involved with my training and bringing me along with his class."
And with that, Bernadetta began to get emotional again.
"I wanted to say that he's wrong, that I never felt bad around him. In fact, I felt at peace when he helped me after the battle, and I never minded him being at training even when I acted all scared. Yeah, I still screamed and ran away at times, but I'd rather have that than nothing. I...I really don't want him to blame himself or stay away from me!"
Mouth still wide open, Bernadetta's face went beat red and her eyes widened. How long was she talking?! One look at Dorothea's bright face said it all.
"Ahhh! I'm so sorry for talking so long!" Bernadetta cried out. "Nobody wants to hear me go on and on! Stupid Bernie and your stupid mouth!"
"No no Bern, it's perfectly fine," Dorothea replied, using her hands to wave the panicking girl down. "I was admittedly surprised though. You're loud at times but that was a pretty passionate speech. It was kind of cute."
Dorothea giggled lightly at it, while Bernadetta's face got even redder. After a few seconds, Dorothea finally went easy on the poor girl.
"But really, I do understand. I think it's really sweet actually," Dorothea replied. "I'm sure if you just talked to him, he'd understand."
"But I completely blew him off!" Bernadetta cried. "Why would he ever want to talk to me after that?!"
"He doesn't seem the type to hold a grudge, at least from what I can tell," said Dorothea. "If you're worried, maybe bring a little something of your own as a thank you for the gift?"
"But what?"
"I'll leave that for you to figure out," Dorothea winked as she picked her part of the banner back up. "Use your imagination. In the meantime, help me put this up."
Bernadetta's mouth hung open as Dorothea turned and began working as if the last conversation didn't happen. Use her imagination?! What was she supposed to do with that advice?! That left her with no idea what so ever!
After that, Bernadetta got pulled along into completing the rest of the day's tasks, but Dorothea's words never left her mind once. To an extent, it sounded like a good idea, but it didn't leave her any closer to an idea. What could she use to tell Byleth her true thoughts on the matter? She didn't exactly have time to buy something and it wasn't like she even knew what would work anyway. She could make something, but again she had no time for that nor would she know what.
What sort of thing would be within her power to do? Not much was coming to mind. Bernadetta was dangerously close to just giving up on the whole thing and accepting that it was impossible for her, yet something kept her clinging to it.
And as she looked out into the fields beyond Garreg Mach, she began to wonder.
Imperial Year 1180, Day 23 of the Blue Sea Moon
The Goddess' Rite of Rebirth was nearly upon them now. Much of the preparations were complete. All that was left was to await the day the Golden Deer would set out to defend the Holy Mausoleum. Byleth had kept himself as calm as possible. There was no room for failure here. To be fully honest, he was feeling generally confident. There was no room for failure. They'd make sure everyone stayed safe for sure. Many of the preparations along the rest of the monastery for the rite were complete too, and everyone was feeling a sense of ease compared to before.
"Teach, I think you've looked over that map a million times," laughed Claude. "There is such a thing as too prepared, which is probably strange coming from me."
"It is strange, Claude," Hilda rolled her eyes. "You're the one who's single-minded about every mission we've had so far."
"Guilty as charged," Claude smirked and shrugged. "Trust me though, we're going to be fine. We know where the enemy is coming from. All that's left to do is finish the job when the time comes."
"Right," Blyeth nodded, rolling up the map he had. "Thank you. Both of you. We'll make sure our mission succeeds."
"Liking the confidence, Teach," Claude replied, before turning his eyes outward. "Ah, looks like the weather's turning sour."
As Claude said, the skies seemed to be getting gloomier. There wasn't much in the way of rain yet, but it looked like it could for sure.
"Aw, and I was going to take a nice midday stroll," Hilda pouted. "Maybe someone can hold up an umbrella for me..."
"Good luck with that," Claude deadpanned. "Well, see ya Teach."
"You take care of yourself too, Claude," Byleth nodded.
"Do I ever not?" Claude smirked as he saluted and walked off.
Byleth saw his students off, packing up his supplies. Claude was right. He had thought this through as much as possible. Relying on Divine Pulse all the time wasn't something he wanted to do, hence he poured everything into making sure they were on the right track here. Once his supplies were all put away, he stretched and began to walk out himself.
The rain had picked up a little bit, sending a lot of students scrambling for the nearest shelter. This included quite a few of his students as a matter of fact. Leonie was the least phased, but she was laughing at seeing Lorenz and Ignatz being unfortunately caught in the rain. Byleth hung around the outskirts near the dormitories just inside enough to not get caught.
Events had gone back to normal for the most part. Byleth had allowed himself to continue teaching class as he did before and enjoying seeing Claude and the bunch excelling, not to mention Ashe being accepted into the house. The young man seemed to fit like a glove, with Claude especially enjoying the company of the former Blue Lion. Seeing these sights made Byleth feel fortunate for these kids. He just hoped they'd all overcome the battle to come.
Still, he couldn't help but think of Bernadetta. As he said, he didn't bother her after he gave her his talk, and things seemed to have settled. It didn't make him feel better about it, but he had to consider the well-being of his own students, without repeating what he did before. Sothis had remained silent on the matter, but Byleth couldn't help but feel her still eyeing and judging him for some reason.
In any case, he stood and just listen to the rain, occasionally hearing students running by him. Byleth didn't pay them too much mind. However, as a little more time passed, a figure approached from the far edges of Byleth's vision.
"Hmm?" He wondered.
He could faintly hear rushing footsteps, indicating that the figure was running really fast. Was it a student or faculty member that was out and about when the rain came? Byleth quickly became more alert. He wondered if the person would need some help. The being came closer into view, enough that Byleth could see they were pretty small. Most likely a student then. However, as the figure came closer into view, Byleth could see a familiar purple mob of hair.
"Bernadetta?!"
'Cold...Cold...So cold!'
This had to have been the craziest thing she had ever done. There had even been reports of dark clouds gathering and rain in other regions, and yet she still decided on this day and at this time to pull off what she wanted to do. It didn't help that it took her a while just to make sure she could find the very thing she was looking for, and then it took hours for her to actually find the thing.
Said thing was securely in her arms and out of harms way for what it was worth, though she hoped it was worth how soaked her school uniform was. She nearly froze though as she was brought out of her thoughts by someone calling her name.
Was it a blessing of the goddess or a curse that Byleth just so happened to be the first person she came across when returning to Garreg Mach?
"P-Professor?!" She cried out as she ran up to the covered area where Byleth was.
Byleth made room for Bernadetta to run up to where he was, getting out of the way for her. She huffed and puffed, catching her breath. Immediately, Byleth removed his coat and placed it over her to dry her a little. Immediately, Bernadetta began to feel warmer, even more so at the fact that it was Byleth's own coat she was wearing.
'Oh no...The Professor is putting his coat on me! What is he doing...No...No stay focused!'
"Bernadetta, what were you doing out there?" Byleth asked, a bit calmer now that she was out of the rain.
"S...Sorry Professor..." Bernadetta replied, her little gift still hidden behind her hands. "I...I didn't think I'd be outside that long. And then the rain suddenly came and..."
Her voice trailed off a little, not feeling as confident as she did a minute ago. She thought this was a good idea, but would Byleth appreciate it or not? She had debated that topic all last night and eventually decided to go through with it. Guess there was no way to go back now.
"Professor...there's..." Bernadetta took another deep breath. "There's...there's something I want to say."
"Bernadetta, surely that can wait until you're dry," Byleth replied.
"No, I need to do it now!" The adrenaline was going through her now and she needed to get this out before she lost her nerve again. "Please...please accept this!"
Finally, she moved one of her hands down to join her other one, allowing the object in her hands to be fully seen. It was a rather beautiful flower, its light-pink color glowing quite nicely despite the cloudy weather. Byleth's eyes widened all so slightly at the flower. He wasn't quite familiar with it, although botany wasn't his field to begin with. He was pretty confused though.
"Excuse me?" asked Byleth.
"This...is...for you," Bernadetta replied plainly, taking a breath each time. "I just...there's so much I wanted to say."
"I...wanted to tell you how much I was sorry. Sorry for not saying anything after you told me so much the other day. I didn't realize you had felt that way after last month's mission, and I felt terrible for not saying anything back. I don't want you to feel bad about it. I was so scared during that battle, but I felt much better after you came over to comfort me. I...I actually don't want you to distance yourself from me...and I really did appreciate that gift you got me, which was why I wanted to give you something in return."
Her mind flashed back to that moment, standing all bloodied and cut up, having just impaled that swordsman with her arrow. It was the worst she had felt in so long, taking a life so brutally, being scared half to death, and all sorts of other bad things. And yet, through it all, that feeling of Byleth's hand on her head cut through it, giving her some level of peace amid that chaos. Without that, who knows what would have happened.
It brought to mind how much the two of them had interacted before that, such as Byleth coming across her training and occasionally having a meal together. She had often ran from him as was her nature much of the time, but she could never say she was truly afraid of him as much as other things. If only she could actually tell him that...
"I know I'm not useful for much, especially in battle. I prefer to be in my room all the time. But still, I...I don't want you to stop talking to me or stop giving me pointers. So, please accept this and keep watching over me!"
She suddenly thrust the flower forward right into Byleth's chest, making him recoil slightly. Her hands were still tight around it, but Byleth noticed something else. Tears were leaking through her eyes, something even she hadn't noticed to this point.
Byleth was stunned at what she was saying, yet that was a certain uplifting feeling from her words. All this time, he had blamed himself, and he still felt that way to an extent. And yet, this young girl still appreciated what he had done for her, in spite of her own fears. Her face quivered a bit as tears began to fall down her face, and before Byleth knew it, his right hand had traveled to her face, wiping some of them away. Her eyes opened back up in surprise.
"Professor?" she asked.
"Bernadetta, I can't even begin to thank you," Byleth replied. "I had questioned if my guidance was doing you any good. If that's something you want, then I'll gladly give it. And thank you for the thoughtful gift."
Unlike the skies above, it was like some clouds had finally lifted from Byleth's mind. Of course, he still needed to figure things out as he went, but if he was capable of inspiring something like this in such a person, maybe there was worth to it after all.
"Y...You're welcome, Professor..." Bernadetta finally smiled lightly, as Byleth finally took the flower off her hands. "I thought it would be the best way to show how I felt."
"I see," Byleth nodded, before looking the flower over. "Curiously, what is this flower? I've never seen it before."
"Oh, it grows nearby. They're not particularly rare, but they're a little tricky to find. I had to go down the river to find it," Bernadetta replied. "It's supposed to represent..."
And just like that, Bernadetta's mind stopped. Didn't that flower have a particular meaning? The thought of it was coming back to her, and her face was beginning to go red again.
"Bernadetta?" Byleth asked.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Bernadetta suddenly cried out, before giving Byleth his coat back and rushing behind. "I need to go dry off! See you later, Professor!"
She said all of that in one breath, and she was racing up to her floor of the dormitories before Byleth could even form a single thought. Where exactly had that come from? Byleth wondered if he was any closer to figuring out what went on in that girls mind.
Still, while each one was unaware, a light smile had remained on each of their faces, a sign of some understanding at long last. Finally, a small step in the right direction.
A couple of days passed. As Byleth sat down for lunch, he finally felt a sense of peace. The big day was tomorrow, but Byleth had already gathered the Golden Deer together for one last meeting. They were positive this was going to work, and Byleth even surprised Claude and the others with how sure he sounded. Not that they disagreed of course. Claude joked about it but liked where they were going.
After conversing with the others during lunch, the table began to clear, but that just left time for what he figured was coming next. A slight smile adorned his face as a certain Black Eagle slowly approached the table. Yeah, some things were the same, but baby steps after all.
"G-Good day, Professor," Bernadetta smiled a little. How long had it been since she actually sat in here like a normal student? "Um, may I sit here?"
"Absolutely," Byleth replied, a good amount of his own lunch still remaining.
Bernadetta's face went slightly red as she sat down, picking lightly at her food. Byleth didn't push her though, just an attempt to get a little small talk.
"So, I hear you're attending class again," Byleth replied, more of a statement than anything else.
"Yes...I am," Bernadetta nodded and sighed. "Professor Manuela gave me a talk that she really doesn't want me to do it again. I've done long breaks from attending class twice now."
"I see. I can understand her viewpoint," Byleth nodded. "Do take care to make sure your class doesn't need to worry about you. They're good people and you can learn much."
"Yes, Professor," Bernadetta blushed and murmured. That sort of thing was still kind of hard, but she supposed she had to do it. She wasn't going to get any better otherwise. Hopefully she'd still be left alone reasonably enough.
In any case, though, Bernadetta just hoped Byleth's class would be alright with their mission. Something gave her the feeling it was going to be really dangerous, just like last month.
"Um, Professor?" Bernadetta spoke up. "Uh...well..."
"Yes?" asked Byleth.
"You...um...you should be careful!" Bernadetta suddenly blurted out before her face went red again. "U I-I mean...guard duty is dangerous, right?"
Byleth gave a light smile at Bernadetta.
"It is, but we'll be alright, Bernadetta," Byleth replied. "I'm confident in our abilities should something go wrong."
Bernadetta nodded, though now she felt a little embarrassed about saying such a thing. Of course, Byleth would feel all right going into combat. He was used to it. Way to go, stupid Bernie.
"But your concern is appreciated," Byleth suddenly added. "I do everything I can to make sure we come back safely."
And Byleth was resolved to do so more than ever, so that he'd never see any of his students dead, dying, or otherwise in distress ever again. On Bernadetta's end, she felt a little better about it. Granted, she was relieved that she wasn't going with them this time. She didn't think she'd be much help, and she was being encouraged to try and patch things with her class anyway.
And, at that moment, with her food done, she realized she and Byleth had been staring for a good minute, making her face go redder than ever.
"AHHH! Gotta go, bye!"
And, quicker than a thunder spell, Bernadetta raced out of her chair, her clean plate left on the table as she zoomed past the entrance to the Dining Hall, nearly knocking over a stunned Alois.
"Woah hoo!" Alois cried out as he had to hang on to stay upright. "What was that?! Was that little Bernadetta?"
"It was," Byleth replied calmly, a slight smile forming.
Guess some things haven't changed, but that wasn't such a bad thing for now. It was a sense of normalcy Byleth could get used to. Alois, on the other hand, was still bewildered as he sat down where Bernadetta was just sitting.
"And here I was hoping for a nice meal together," Alois sighed. "I haven't had a chance to say anything since I gave her your gift."
"It's alright, Alois," Byleth nodded. "There's always next time."
After that, Byleth enjoyed a nice little chat with the elder knight, as if nothing really had happened. Perhaps it was a testament to how things felt like they had returned to normal, a feeling Byleth was more than content with for now.
Meanwhile, Sothis laid her head on her fist upon the throne's armrest, sighing at everything she had just watched.
'Really? All that work and it feels like you just returned to how things were before? How was that progress?! I swear I'll never understand humans.'
Needless to say, she was left quite confounded at how this all turned out.
And that is that. I think this is the longest break I've ever had between chapters. Guess that's what happens when writer's block hits ya. How to bridge the gap between Byleth and Bernadetta in this instance was pretty hard for me. It wasn't until I found a piece of fanart that I finally found a breakthrough.
Anyhoo, drama still isn't my best, but I hope you all enjoy all the same. In all honesty, I don't think this chapter really hits my standards. I don't think I got their characters down as well as I'd hoped, but hey, if you all think they're in character, that's good enough for me. :D
Thanks for reading and I'll see you again next time. We return to the main story in the next one.
Sentinel07, out!