A/N: Trigger warning for attempted suicide and brief mentions of sex trafficking

I was fifteen when I tried to kill myself.

The bridge I'd picked had no real significance - there was no poetry or romance written into my plan like so many movies tried to do when they portrayed suicide. It simply was just the most convenient.

The water churned fifty meters below me, and while the drop itself probably wouldn't be enough to kill me, the ankle and wrist weights I'd 'borrowed' on my way here would hopefully weigh me down enough that when my survival instincts kicked in, I wouldn't be able to swim to the surface. No one would miss me down there - Mom obviously didn't give a fuck since she'd just up and left all those years ago, and now that Dad was dead, I was on my own.

I didn't cry as I stood there on the wrong side of the railing - I was passed that now - and my hands on the metal beams were the only obstacles holding me back now. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and counted down to letting go.

"It's rather cold for a swim, don't you think?" a man's voice said, and I opened my eyes again.

"Dunno. Might be rather refreshing," I replied, not turning to look at the speaker. I would have expected to feel angry at the intrusion, but really I felt nothing. That was all I'd been feeling lately.

"You must be quite a strong swimmer if you're confident enough to jump in with weights like those," the man said thoughtfully.

A spark of irritation started to make it through the numbness, but I still didn't turn. "Yep. Just training. Don't mind me," I replied with less bite than I would have liked. Manners didn't matter anymore, I just wanted this guy to leave.

"Really? Because it seems to me you're out here trying to kill yourself."

"You sure like making assumptions, don't you?" I finally snapped and jerked my head around to look at the stranger who wouldn't take a hint and fuck off.

A tall white-haired man in a suit leaned against the railing on the proper side, and his eyes were calm as he looked at me. Kindness or concern I would have expected, but I didn't see either of those reflected in his dark gaze. Somehow, that made me feel less frustrated with him - I wasn't looking for sympathy.

"My apologies," he said in a level voice, still watching me.

"If you're here to try and stop me, or tell me 'life's worth living,' or some other bullshit you can save your breath," I told him, staring back defiantly.

"There's a spark in you - it would be a shame to see such a fire snuffed out, but this is a choice only you can make. I won't tell you such pretty lies," he said with a shrug.

"Then leave me alone and let me make the choice," I snapped.

"This whole time we've been standing here you could have at any moment, yet you haven't let go," he observed neutrally.

"Damn, it's almost like I was waiting for you to fuck off or something so that I could die in peace!" I shot back.

"Why do you want to take your own life?" he asked, cocking his head.

"I don't have to tell you shit."

"I bet I could guess."

"What are you, a shrink?" I snarled.

"Not quite. But I've been around the block a time or two. Let me guess - you've lost it all. Your family's gone, your home taken from you. So young to be all on your own... How is it fair that this life should fall on you? You never asked for it, and you always tried to do the right thing before now. Why should you get dealt this hand?" he said conversationally, and I stared at him wide eyed. "The heroes can't save you from something like this, and the rest of the world would just as soon turn a blind eye to a homeless teenager - what a blight you must be to society."

"Shut up," I said hoarsely, but the stranger continued on.

"If you had somewhere to belong, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe if there was someone to give a damn about you, then the water below wouldn't look so tempting. Because that's all you really want, right? Somewhere to feel safe and belong, with people who will support you and push you towards your dreams rather than hold you back from them," he said, still speaking in that cool, thoughtful tone.

"You don't know anything about me," I tried to say, but the words were whispered so quietly I wasn't sure he even heard them.

"You want to make a difference in this world, but right now you're nothing but a background character in everyone else's story. So, why should you keep living, if you can't find that safe place? If you can't find the path to being more than a nobody?" The man stopped, and for the first time I saw a hint of kindness cross his expression. "But that place is out there, young lady, and that's what makes it worth trying to find. If you're ready to give up this early, then you don't deserve it anyway."

"But how do I find it?" I croaked. I hadn't even realized I was crying until the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief which he held out to me. I gripped the rail tighter with one hand as I took the cloth from him and stared at it for a long moment before scrubbing it across my face.

"I can show you," he said after a moment. "I can help you find that place. There are certain connections I have - a foot in the many doors of society, if you will - and I can offer you the chance to find the greatness you seek." I held the handkerchief back out to him and he took it, folding it neatly before he returned it to his suit pocket. "But I can't do that if you jump. I won't save you if you still wish to die, and I won't call for the heroes or the police. This is a choice only you can make."

"Nothing in life is free," I said, looking out across the water. "What do you stand to gain from helping me?"

"So cynical for one so young," he chuckled. "You're right - nothing comes free. You'd work for me, and in exchange, I'll help you reach the kind of life you yearn for. What do you say?" The stranger extended a hand out to me and waited patiently.

I... I don't want to die, I admitted to myself suddenly, and while I suppose it had been the truth all along, I'd been trying to tell myself the opposite. I bit my lip and nodded, before reaching out and taking the stranger's hand. He helped me climb back over the railing, and then with confident hands unclamped the weights from my wrists. As they clattered to the sidewalk I looked up at the tall man, and now that I was closer, I could see his eyes weren't brown like I'd originally thought - they were a deep scarlet - like old blood.

"Who are you?" I asked, as I knelt to undo the weights on my ankles, abandoning those once they were removed as well.

"You may call me All for One."

"Is that a hero name?" I asked, confused by his use of an alias. They guy sure didn't seem like a hero.

He shook his head and chuckled again, "Not quite."

Life was good for a while, and true to his word, All for One provided me with every opportunity I could ever hope for. I had a place to stay, food to eat, and there was always someone around if I needed them. It was a barracks of sorts where I stayed and most of the others there had stories similar to mine - everyone had lost their way, until All for One saved them and gave them this second chance. We were all grateful, and happy to do what he asked as repayment for what we'd been given. Some of the others had wild tales of how they'd even been given a quirk, which never failed to amaze me. What kind of power did this guy have?

My training began shortly after I settled in, and I was thrilled by the idea that I'd get to learn how to use my quirk properly. The little fires I made on the tips of my fingers were pretty and all, but when All for One told me he thought I could do even more, I was over the moon.

"There's someone you should meet," the white-haired man told me one day. "I've asked him if he would take you under his wing and train you further. Head to the training room this evening and he'll be there," he instructed.

And that's how I met Murata Ren.

Ren was twenty-seven, handsome, muscular, and with his electric-blue hair and sparkling black eyes he drove every one of my teenage fantasies wild. His quirk was electromagnetism, and I was simply in awe of the way he wielded his power.

"Your quirk is a lot like mine, you know," he told me on the first day of training. "Before long, I expect you to be able to do this too."

Ren could shoot lightning bolts and could both pull and repel metal objects by manipulating magnetic fields. He seemed convinced I would be able to do the same and was utterly relentless in his determination to get my quirk to manifest that way. When he first mentioned I should be able to achieve a semblance of flight with my power, I actually laughed.

"Right. Are pigs going to fly too?" I asked skeptically.

"Be serious, Mei," he scolded lightly, knocking his fist on the top of my head with no real force. "You have so much potential. We've just got to drag it out of you - kicking and screaming, if we must," he teased.

A month later found us both on the rooftop at midnight. In the dead of winter the city was quieter at this time of night, and the fresh blanket of snow glistening on the sidewalks was so far unsullied by the urban foot traffic.

"You're going to fly tonight, Mei," Ren said, leaning on the low wall and peering down at the snowbank below.

"I haven't managed more than a hover so far, why do you think tonight will be any different?" I asked, huddling closer to my mentor and he put a warm arm around my shoulder with a smirk.

"Higher stakes," he said simply.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Are you ready, Mei?"

"Ren, what the hell does that mean?!"

"Good luck!" he yelled before he gripped my shoulders and flung me off the roof.

Panic welled up in me and I screamed, scraping desperately for a purchase on my quirk as I plummeted. At the last second, I found it, and my descent slowed to a halt, leaving me hovering only a few feet off the ground - too close of a call for my liking.

"I did it!" I yelled up to Ren cheerfully, too excited to be properly mad at him now.

"Good! Now fly back up!"

"How?"

"The same momentum you used to slow your fall, use that push again and it will propel you upwards," he instructed, leaning over the roof's edge and grinning proudly.

I concentrated, wobbling in the air as I searched for the right handle on my power. After a moment, I began to ascend. When my feet were firmly on the rooftop again, I collapsed on my back, ignoring the way the cold snow melted under me and wet my clothes. I laughed a little hysterically, feeling the leftover adrenaline as a weird tingle that I wasn't sure how to deal with. "You're going to give me a fear of heights," I gasped between laughs, and Ren shook his head.

"On the contrary - you'll never be afraid of heights again," he said confidently.

I'd been there almost a year when All for One called me to his office. These days it was rare I ever saw him, which was no surprise considering he had an empire to run. By now I was aware he was a crime lord of course, and yet I rationalized it - waved the thought away. He wasn't a bad guy, he just didn't do things the way society said you were supposed to, right?

"I have a task for you," he said after motioning me to take a seat. "And there's an idea I've been mulling over in regards to your future here. I think you would do very well with more covert operations, Mei."

"Stealth?" I repeated, brow furrowed. "But sir, my quirk has nothing to do with that kind of thing," I said hesitantly, not trying to argue, but not understanding his reasoning either.

He leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers together in front of him, taping his pointer fingers against his chin thoughtfully. "Your quirk is valuable, but it's not the only thing that makes you useful. You're young and have much to learn, but your eagerness to excel is what gives you the advantage. Ren tells me you've been sneaking out at night, yes?"

I paled and stared at my master wide-eyed. How?! I thought frantically. As far as I was aware, no one had seen me, and I certainly hadn't told Ren I'd been sneaking out to fly around the city at night. It was freeing, feeling the wind whip through my hair and watching the nightlife trudge on below. Ren had been right several months previous to now - I didn't have a single qualm about heights.

All for One chuckled. "You're not in trouble. In fact, I take it as a sign you're ready for more if you're growing restless here. So, here's what we'll do..."

My first mission was simple enough and very straightforward. There was a press conference with the police, and I was to sneak in disguised as a journalist. Mingling with the media, I was to try and dig up any information I could on a case that our organization had a certain interest in while everyone was distracted by the conference.

"Get in, get out, no one sees you and no one gets hurt," Ren coached me, smoothing down any fly-away hairs from my bun before patting the side of my cheek comfortingly. He'd be waiting for me outside, but he'd also made it clear he wouldn't be able to charge in and save me if I got caught.

"Get in, get out," I repeated nervously.

Ren smiled warmly. "Gosh, you look so grown up, Mei," he said, shaking his head.

I stuck my tongue out at my mentor. The older woman who'd coached me in disguise leading up to this mission was a master of her trade, and while I wasn't as good as her yet, I still thought I'd done a good job making myself look older than I actually was. "When we're in public you're supposed to use my new name," I complained, and he chuckled again.

"Right. Sorry, Hell Fire," he smirked.

The mission went off without a hitch, and I reported back proudly, feeling like I was finally getting to make a difference. This information was something All for One would be able to use to help even more people, right?

As time went on the missions I got assigned got harder and came with more danger. It was a few weeks after my sixteenth birthday when Ren brought me on one of his missions, and along with the two of us were four members of the Yakuza.

The Yakuza were around quite frequently, and usually Ren did his best to keep me away from them. This mission was different though, and at the time I wasn't sure why he'd changed his mind. Later, he'd told me that he'd been given no other choice.

The deal we were there to carry out fell through and things went south fast. Very few of my missions so far had involved much fighting, but as I ran through the warehouse, firing blasts of violet flame and dodging the sword-like hands of one of the men we faced I truly feared for my life.

The man lunged at me, and I pivoted, striking hard on the back of his elbow and hearing a sickening crunch as the bone shattered under the blow. Without time to think, I grabbed hold of his limp forearm and drove his own blade home in his chest. The man made a strangle gurgling sound and stared at me wide eyed as he sank to the ground. He was dead before his head hit the concrete.

Afterwards once we were back at base, I'd cried, vomited, and then cried some more. Ren held me, stroking my hair softly.

"It's okay. The first time is always the hardest. It will get easier," he told me softly.

"It shouldn't get easier," I sobbed.

"It shouldn't," he agreed somberly. "But it will."

And he was right about that too.

The path I'd started down a year ago was getting darker, and I kept telling myself that it would get better. This wasn't permanent, and some casualties had to happen in order for society to progress, did it? I hardly ever came in contact with All for One these days, and by now I was relatively grateful for that. The man who had been my savior was quickly starting to seem more like my enslaver.

As the missions got harder, the punishments for failing them got harsher as well. Fear ruled my actions more than ambition did anymore, and I never knew who I could trust. When I found out about a group of literal children that had been kidnapped and were being groomed by our master, I wanted to be sick. I tried to tell Ren my concerns one day, and he quickly clamped a hand over my mouth.

"Don't you ever say something like that again," he hissed. "Not if you want to live. Doubts are dangerous here, Mei. You should know this. I won't be around to protect you forever."

My next mission after that was disastrous, and as I lay in a pool of both my own blood and the blood of those I'd had to slaughter, I wondered if this assignment had been because of what I'd said. All for One had eyes and ears everywhere, and while I trusted Ren wouldn't have said anything, I couldn't help but wonder if someone else had.

I almost died on that mission, and my back still had the scar to prove it. I'd been left in that stinking shack full of dead for two days before my companions came for me, and the putrid smell of rot and gore was something that would haunt my memory till my final breath left my lungs.

My seventeenth birthday came and went, and I was growing into quite a formidable warrior. I'd also "grown into my looks" according to Ren, and when I started being tasked with recruitment, I was instructed by one of the other villains who ranked above me that I "should use it to my advantage."

So, I did.

I became a master of manipulation, both in my physical appearance and in the way I could persuade others to join the cause - a cause I no longer believed in. But that only made my skills all the more impressive, didn't it? It was a lot harder to sell a product you knew didn't work.

I began searching for a way out in earnest around that time, but fear of being caught and punished as a traitor held me back from enacting any sort of escape plan. That's when I met Ankoku. He was a greasy git, but we still hit off a strange sort of friendship whenever he'd drop by on odd jobs.

One afternoon Ren, Ankoku, and I sat on the rooftop passing a bottle of whiskey back and forth morosely when I sighed. "This isn't how I thought my life was going to go," I said sadly, taking another swig from the bottle. "I should have just jumped after all."

Ren sighed as well. "Shut up, Mei."

"No, speak your mind," Ankoku argued, taking the drink from my hands and I swapped it for the cigarette he was holding. I took a drag and held the smoke in my lungs a moment before letting the breath out as another sigh.

"You'll get her killed, encouraging that kind of thing, Chiba. You get to leave here when your job is done - we don't."

"But what if we could?" I asked quietly.

"We can't," Ren said, almost angrily. "We're villains. Even if we did get out, where is there for us to go? The heroes will be just as unforgiving as All for One, don't you get it? This is it - this is all we have."

"All for One has the villain society under his thumb, true. None of us are out of his reach," Ankoku said, pushing his glasses up his nose as he stared out across the city skyline. "But wouldn't you rather die trying to live, rather than live waiting to die?"

"Yeah," I agreed quietly. "Yeah, I would."

"Chiba, you idiot," Ren muttered, running a hand over his face.

"If you guys do ever make it out, I'll help if I can," Ankoku said, narrowing his eyes at Ren. "I'm no hero, but I'll lower myself to helping even a prissy pretty boy like you, Murata."

"Aw, Ankoku called you pretty," I teased, bumping my shoulder against my mentor and Ren yanked the bottle from the other man with an eye roll.

"Sorry dude. I don't swing that way," he chuckled.

"Pft. You wish," Ankoku shot back easily.

That was the last time the three of us ever discussed something so casual as treason.

The day of All Might and All for One's battle, I was on the other side of Japan. I'd been sent on a recon mission, and when my phone lit up with Ankoku's caller ID, I had no clue how his words were going to change my life.

"All Might took down All for One!" he yelled through the speaker as soon as I said hello.

"That's not funny," I said deadpan, not daring to believe it.

"Do you think I would lie about something like this? Holy shit, everything's destroyed! Please tell me you've heard from Murata," he said quickly, and my blood turned cold.

"No, we haven't spoken since I left," I said hoarsely.

Ren, please be okay, I prayed silently. I wasn't sure how to feel - there was the joy of freedom, the fear of the unknown, and the concern for my dearest friend all rolled into a ball that seemed to be lodged in my throat, choking me.

"Wasn't he supposed to be doing something with the Yakuza thugs?" Ankoku asked, worry clear in his tone.

"Yeah... so he should have been clear of the damages!" I said excitedly, but when Ankoku didn't say anything, I started to doubt my understanding of the situation.

"Mei... that means he can't run. If he's with the Yakuza right now, then he's still stuck."

Dread froze my heart, and I sank to my knees, feeling a tightness in my chest as breathing became so much more difficult. "No... no, if All for One's gone, then we're free. He can still get out," I said in a wavering voice. "He has to. He... he can't leave me," I choked out.

"No one is leaving you. Come to Musutafu - I don't care how you get here, just make sure that you do, okay? We'll figure this shit out."

"Ankoku..." I sobbed.

"Pull yourself together, Hell Fire. You have to move. Now."

So I ran.

It was six months before I saw Ren again, and when I did it was a purely coincidental meeting. I grabbed his sleeve on the sidewalk and when he turned to look at me his eyes went wide.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he hissed, shoving me back into the shadows and looking around in paranoia of being spotted.

"Oh my god, you're alive!" I said, tears springing to my eyes. "I've been so worried about you!"

"And if you want me to stay that way, you'll get out of here," he said, pulling me further into the alley. "What are you thinking, coming up to me like this? Someone could see and recognize you!"

His anger hurt, and I bit my lip as I tugged on a strand of hair. "Come with me, Ren. Please," I begged.

"I can't," he said, eyes suddenly very sad.

"Why not?" I demeaned. "I got away. You could to!"

"That's because everyone thinks you're dead!" he said, exasperated. "No one is going to look for you if you're not alive. I don't have that luxury."

"I'm... dead?" I asked, confused.

"A lot of people died or were arrested after One for All fell. Most of those missing were written off, which is an opportunity to you'll absolutely blow if you are seen with me!" he growled, running a hand over his face. "Mei, I... I'm really glad to see you're okay, and I hope you've found a way to make a life for yourself... but forget me, okay? I'm beyond saving now. I'm in too deep."

"No. Absolutely not! I won't ever forget you, Ren," I protested. "This doesn't have to be goodbye."

"But it does," he sighed. "Let me do this last thing for you. Let me protect you one last time." He kissed my forehead and brushed my hair back behind my ear. "You've grown up so much since we first met, but you're only eighteen. You still have so much life to live and so much to learn. Make the most of it, okay?"

"Isn't there some way we can keep in touch? If only for me to know you're okay?" I asked weakly, pressing my face into the man's chest.

Ren hugged me hard, just like he used to and for just that moment I tried to pretend everything was fine. "I won't promise anything, but if there's a chance for me to check in that won't jeopardize you, I'll try."

And he did try. A few times a year there would be a letter with no return address and no signature, or a phone call from a pay phone in Tokyo. But that day was the last time I ever saw him in person.

"There's some serious shit in the works, Mei," his tired voice warned me over the broken and static filled air of a poor connection the last time I ever spoke to him. Traffic noise was discernible in the background from whatever street the payphone was located on. Ren sounded more and more worn every time I heard from him.

"What do you mean?" I asked, jumping across the rooftops and surveying the city below me as we talked. "All Might put an end to all organized crime - what could the Yakuza possibly be up to that would risk the number one hero's wrath?"

"Not the Yakuza, although ever since the boss got sick and the captain started taking over, everything's been getting worse here too. But no, it's a different group. A group calling themselves 'the League of Villains.'"

"A rather juvenile name," I snorted.

"Shut up and listen, I don't have much time," he growled, "Shigaraki is behind it, and I'm sure he's trying to scrape together a following to carry on All for One's ideals. Look, from what I've found out, Shigaraki is planning some sort of heist at Yūei High - he's going to try and kidnap the students to start a new army."

Oh fuck. Vividly I saw flashbacks of the old days. "But All for One is gone," I hissed vehemently as horror bubbled up in my throat.

"As long as people remember him and try to finish his plans, he will never be gone,' he told me, voice cracking at the end. Over the phone I couldn't tell if the emotion was fear or sorrow.

"We can't let this happen all over again," I said hoarsely, and it took Ren a moment to reply.

"I know. That's why I'm telling you all this. But, Mei…" he stopped when his voice broke again. Now I was sure it was both fear and sorrow. "The new leader is suspicious of me. He's already executed two others who he doubted. I- I had to get this information out before it was too late."

No! My flight through the air flattered and I fell a few feet before I regained control of my quirk again. "Don't say things like that!" I gasped. "You've always been good at keeping your head down - you're going to be fine! You have to be!"

On the other end came a static filled sigh. 'I guess we'll see," he said quietly.

Ren died at the hands of a Yakuza captain going by the name 'Overhaul' a few weeks later. But it was that last phone call that put me where I was now.

I opened my eyes and stared at the stained ceiling. In the other room Ankoku could be heard yelling at his computer as he played video games in between his work. A lot had changed in the last six years - both of us had grown as people, but sometimes I wondered if it had really been changes for the better. I was less naïve now, but I was so much more cautious. Less confident, somehow. Ankoku was more hardened, but he'd also lost his open-mindedness. He was less willing to take risks and more content to settle.

Rolling over on the couch that had become my new bed, I grabbed the remote and flipped on the television.

"- in light of the number one hero's retirement, we're highlighting some of All Might's greatest-"

Immediately I clicked it back off.

It had been two weeks since the Kamino incident. You'd think the news would have found something else to talk about by now. It made it really hard to move on when I saw him everywhere. I just hoped whatever he was doing now, that he was okay. Hopefully he was better off now that I wasn't around. I'd made the right decision, hadn't I?

Because the hole where my heart had been kept telling me I hadn't.