It was quiet except for the tapping of keyboards and the scratch of pen on paper. The teacher workroom was just that - a workroom - and while often it was filled with chatter, now was one of the instances when everyone was actually working diligently.
A loud sneeze startled me out of my groove and my hand jerked, swiping my pen across the page I was marking unintentionally. "Dammit, Toshinori," I complained quietly, not actually as cross as I probably sounded.
"My bad," the hero working at the space beside me apologized sheepishly, grabbing another tissue.
"A summer cold, huh?" Aizawa asked, glancing up from where he sat across from us. "Better not get me sick."
"Wouldn't dream of it," he replied, smiling in spite of how miserable he looked with his nose red and cheeks flushed. "I'll be fine," he assured his coworker.
A frown pulled at my mouth despite his words. This is what you get for running around in the rain yesterday, I thought with a mental head shake. "You're not running a fever, are you?" I asked, reaching out to feel his forehead and he batted my hand away.
"Hey, hey," he complained, "It's just a cold; stop mothering me."
I giggled and rolled my eyes. "Oh, you love it," I teased, and he blushed before ducking his head to resume the lesson plan he'd been working on, trying his best to ignore my jest. Really, that only proved to me that I was right.
Grinning smugly I returned to the student essays I was working on, and scribbled a small apology in the margin of the essay I'd accidentally defaced.
"How's it coming?" Present Mic asked, leaning over my shoulder. Usually he was the one who taught English lessons, but given my experience with writing and the ease I had with the second language, I had been helping out with Mic's classes the most so far.
"So far so good," I hummed. "A couple of these are a little sloppier than I would have expected though."
"Yeah. That usually happens this time of year, what with the students getting excited about the start of work studies," he explained with a look of slight distaste.
I sighed and scrubbed a hand over my face. "That makes sense," I said. "But it's still no excuse to slack off."
"Of course not," Aizawa said. "Which is why they'll be drilled mercilessly in training today."
"What makes you think these are your students' papers I'm grading?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow and half smiling. The essays were actually one of the second year classes, but I was amused that Aizawa seemed to immediately assume it was his group misbehaving.
"I don't care whose they are. The first years have been getting too rambunctious lately," he drawled, and I chuckled.
"They're kids. They're excited," I said a tad too dismissively, and the look my former teacher gave me was most definitely not amused.
"You should know better than that. These 'kids' have a lot riding on them as the next generation of heroes. With our Symbol of Peace retired-" he shot a quick glance at Toshinori, who nodded grimly, "- it's more important than ever that they buckle down and focus."
"I didn't say it wasn't," I defended immediately, "I'm not saying it's not important for them to do their best, but I am saying regardless of responsibility they're still just children. It's okay for them to be excited by something."
"I think we're all guilty of forgetting they're still kids sometimes, especially with this year's group," Toshinori said, eyes contemplative.
"That's fair, yo," Present Mic agreed with a shrug of his shoulders. "These kids have gone through far more than any regular student at their level, and they've grown up quicker because of it."
"They're much closer to becoming pro heroes than most their age," Midnight agreed, folding her hands in front of her.
Nodding, I grimaced. Quiet returned as everyone again focused on their work, however an uncertain knock at the door had us all looking up in curiosity (or mild annoyance in Aizawa's case). The only ones who would knock before entering would have to be a student, and sure enough when the door opened a mop of curly green hair peeking in told me exactly who it was.
"Young Midoriya," Toshinori said, turning in his seat and smiling. "What brings you by the teacher's workroom?"
"Ah, I actually was hoping to talk to you, All Might," he said hesitantly.
Good lord, he needs to work on his subtly, I thought with an internal cringe. The room was full of people for crying out loud.
"What's up?" the hero asked, beckoning him into the room, and Izuku stopped beside his mentor's chair.
"Well, I was thinking about where to go for my work study, and I was wondering... could you maybe introduce me to Sir Nighteye?"
Toshinori didn't react as much as I would have thought (there was surprising lack of blood spewing), but even so his hand flinched slightly on the paper he was holding, and his eyes widened. "Wait, you want me to...?" he stopped, mouth agape in surprise.
"Yes!" Midoriya said with excited determination. "Since he's one of the few heroes that have worked directly under you, it's a perfect fit!"
"Tone it down, kid," I muttered in warning while the blonde man raised a finger to his lips and hushed the boy. The room was dead quiet for just a moment, and I could feel the tension radiate from Toshinori.
"So, Sir Nighteye," he repeated in a contemplative voice, "Who could have put that idea in your head?" Cyan eyes shifted to glance quickly towards me and shook my head.
"Don't look at me," I mumbled, not taking my eyes away from my work on purpose.
"No, of course," he almost chuckled. Almost. The momentary amusement was merely a ghost across his face that still couldn't hide the hard look in his eyes from me. "You wanted to be proactive so you called Gran Torino, didn't you?"
"Yes, sir!" the kid confirmed, bowing formally, shoulders tight as he awaited a response.
"Well, I refuse."
His response was no great surprise to me, given what little he told me about the way the two had fallen out. Despite that, I did feel a small pang of sympathy for the boy when he froze, eyes wide in disbelief. Sure, he'd come to ask a favor, but I was sure Midoriya never considered that his teacher might say no.
"Wha-?" he stuttered, and Toshinori's gaze softened slightly.
"I'm not saying that to punish you, though," he explained in a slightly softer tone before holding up a finger. "I have three reasons: first, I opposed the work studies in the faculty meeting. I think it's unnecessary for first years to start them so early."
"I agree," Thirteen chimed in.
"I say we support any hungry students who want to go the extra mile," Midnight interjected as well. If there was any doubt before now that the boy's energetic request had caught the attention of the other teachers in the room, it was obvious now. Personally, I agreed with Nemuri, but I wasn't about to contradict Toshi in front of his successor.
With each additional opinion, Toshinori's shoulder grew more and more tense, but his focus didn't falter from the green haired boy in front of him. He held up a second finger before continuing. "Two: you need to work on your Shoot Style. Let's master that before you take on extra hero work."
"He's putting in a lot of training already," Ectoplasm mused.
"But there's still plenty of room for improvement before he can use it reliably," Cementos countered.
The corner of the blonde hero's eye twitched slightly, and I had to turn my head away to keep from letting my thoughts show on my face. He was none too pleased about the audience commentary behind him, and I was really glad I'd decided to keep my mouth shut so far - he was getting pissed.
"And third: Sir Nighteye..." he paused, scowl blending into more of a grimace now, "I just don't wanna have to talk to the guy. It would be awkward."
Midoriya's eyes went even wider at that (Good lord, how do his eyeballs stay in his head? I wondered with amused incredulity) and he gulped nervously.
"Personal feelings gettin' in the way?" Present Mic snickered. "E-mo-Might! E-mo-Might!" he teased unabashedly as a vein in the older hero's forehead started to jump with building annoyance.
"Give me a break," he finally snapped, turning around and making a shooing motion towards the voice hero. The man in reply made a heart shape with his hands, laughed, and ducked behind his computer again at the number one hero's protests.
"Real mature, Mic," I chastised lightly in Toshi's defense - no matter how badly I wanted to laugh. I think the man beside me heard the hint of amusement in my voice anyway though, and he half sighed, half growled as he turned back to Midoriya.
"All Might, Kacchan told me I'm not allowed to lose since someone like you laid the groundwork for me," Midoriya spoke, voice quieter now so that less of the room was privy to the conversation. "And think about it - my quirk is so similar to yours -" I was glad he'd gotten a little better at lying about his quirk in front of others. The kid was too honest for his own good, really, "- if I'm working for Nighteye, he'll know exactly how to help me improve it. I need to get so much stronger than I am now! I've got more work to do than anyone!" he pleaded his case, bowing again as he begged permission from his mentor.
The shadows on the hero's face deepened and for a moment, even the shining blue of his irises was hidden by the dark look that crossed behind his gaze. Whatever he was thinking, it seemed to make him sad.
"All Might?" I asked hesitantly, starting to reach towards him before thinking better of the gesture and laying my hand back to the table. A nearly imperceptible tilt of his head was the only acknowledgment he heard me speak, and while I'd said nothing more than his hero name, I hoped he could hear the question in my tone: Are you okay?
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as the dark look passed. "It's fine, Mei," he murmured. Leaning back in his office chair he studied the boy before him a moment. "Look kid, I appreciate your passion, but I can't introduce you... emphasis on I."
At that Midoriya jerked his head up and Toshinori offered him a small smile. "Huh?" the teen stuttered, eyes impossibly wide again, and he wasn't the only one looking at the hero in surprise. I bit the inside of my lip, holding back my curiosity until a later time. Who else does he have in mind then? I wondered, but that wasn't the only question floating through my head. And is he really okay with Izuku potentially diving into this?
I wasn't one hundred percent certain of Toshinori's true feelings about his former sidekick. While it was obvious he was upset by the hero's glance into his future, I had a notion it was a feeling more acute to hurt than anger at this point. I hadn't really asked any questions since that conversation we had the day I returned to Yūei, and I figure if the blonde wanted to talk about it, he would. Otherwise I'd just be digging into memories he may not want to mess with.
However, now that I thought about it, maybe it was something I should try and talk to him about. There had been time for me to consider the ominous prophecy he warned me of, and every time it entered my thoughts a queasy, anxious feeling settled in my gut. Thinking about Toshinori's predestined death put me in a place that was reminiscent of the start of a panic attack - my heart rate jumped, my breathing became more shallow and difficult, my fingers felt numb. It was fear, and it was sorrow, and it was pain. I'd cried in the shower several times since then, knowing it was one of the few places I could get away with grieving without the man in question knowing I shed any tears for him.
The Butterfly Effect was a theory my ideologies leaned more towards even before the Symbol of Peace's confession, so even now I wasn't sure I believed in Sir Nighteye's quirk being the only future possible. Even so, I was still terrified...
... Because what if I was wrong?
Nails dug sharply into the palm of my hand as I clenched my fists under the desk, the pain snapping me out of the dark hole I was descending into. Distantly I heard Toshi tell the boy, "Come by the teacher's lounge on the second floor after class. There's someone you should talk to."
"Someone else...? Ah, y-yes, sir!" Midoriya agreed with confusion evident in his reply and on his face.
After he left, I raised a brow at the blonde and he shook his head. "Later," was the only answer he offered me, and it really wasn't an answer at all.
'Later' turned out to be that night after we'd both returned to our apartment, and it was only because I deemed it to be (plucking up every ounce of nerve in my body in order to declare it so, of course). I was at the sink washing the dishes from dinner and Toshinori - helpful as ever - was drying and putting them away. I didn't look up from the sudsy plate in my hands as I casually asked, "Tell me about Sir Nighteye."
The hero's hands fumbled slightly as he dried the glass he held, but otherwise did a good job of hiding his surprise. After a pause that was almost a breath too long he replied, "What do you want to know?"
"When was the last time you spoke to him?" I asked, still watching what I was doing instead of looking at the man I conversed with.
"That question sounds less about him, and more about me," he mused out loud, tone careful.
"Not everything is about you, All Might," I teased with an eye roll and he snorted. He was right though, of course, and I sighed. "But maybe it is. I don't know... I guess I'm still just thinking about what you told me. Coming to terms with it, you know? And then hearing you and Midoriya talk about him today made me wonder some things," I elaborated. As usual, I seemed to be oblivious to the way my shoulders would tremble when forcing my way through tough conversations. Until Toshi set the glass aside and placed a large thin hand on my upper arm, I didn't realize I was shaking. Gently his other pulled the half washed plate from my fingers, and he set it in the sink before turning off the faucet. The hand on my arm tightened its grip as he turned my body to face him.
"I kinda figured you'd eventually bring it up again. Now that you've had some time to process... do you want to talk about it?" he asked somberly, searching my face with keen eyes.
There was that numbness - that suffocating anxiousness - and I swallowed against the lump rising in my throat. "We probably should, huh?"
He nodded, lips pressed in a thin line and gestured towards the sitting area. "Shall we?"
Silence and uncertainty sat down with us on the sofa, pressing themselves into our sides with more presence than I liked. Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around myself as I curled into the cushion back, searching for the right thing to say - was there even a right thing to say in a situation like this? Surely there must be something. The retired hero, despite having a couple decades of experience over me, seemed to be having a tough time of it as well. His fists were clenched in his lap, and the few inches of space separating us burned in a way that was so different from normal that it was almost painful.
"What are your religious beliefs?" I blurted suddenly, and while it came across off topic, it was the only thing I could think of to get me where I needed to be.
Toshinori sat up a little straighter and cocked his head to the side in surprise at the unexpected question. "Well, I supposed you'd say I'm agnostic?" he answered after only a moment. "I'd like to think there's someone or something out there, I guess."
"So do you believe in destiny? Do you think this higher power - whoever they maybe - do they already have your whole life planned?"
"Ah," he said softly, understanding the connection now. "I think if there is an entity out there that's cognizant of us, it probably has much bigger things to worry about than mapping out everyone's entire path from birth to death. As vast as this universe is, there's too much chance and chaos for everything to be a linear plan."
"So nothing is set in stone then, yeah?" I hedged, and he sighed.
"In my opinion? No. But that's the thing, Mei. It's an opinion. A guess. It would be the epitome of arrogance to assume mine is the only opinion that could be right - I could just as well be wrong."
The numbness felt colder at the word again: wrong.
"I don't think there's anyone out there," I said pessimistically, pulling my arms tighter and resting my chin on my knees. "Even if there was, they certainly don't give a fuck about us. The world's too screwed up for them to be anything other than a massive sadist, otherwise."
A look of combined guilt and sadness passed over the hero's features, and I instantly regretted my cynical outburst. "I had hoped to make a bigger impact in my time as the Symbol of Peace, so that people wouldn't still feel that way," he commented softly, both mournful and regretful
"Toshi, I didn't mean-" I started, but he shook his head.
"I'm going to stop you right there, because I know you're about to apologize and there's nothing for you to apologize for." He coughed lightly and grimaced. I knew he was still probably feeling crummy with his current cold, and I thought about asking to do this some other time when he was feeling better before deciding against it. The last time I put off important conversations, it didn't end too well, and I wanted to avoid that sort of repercussion again if I could.
I sighed. "So, how much does Nighteye know? About One for All and everything, I mean."
"Everything," he replied, and it wasn't bitter or regretful. It was just a fact.
"Does he know about your successor?" I pressed, and he nodded.
"He does."
"And how are things between you two?" I asked hesitantly, already knowing most of the answer.
"Not great, obviously," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "We don't talk often, and whenever we do it's usually an argument. The two of us used to be great friends, but now..." he waved his hands in front of him vaguely, "I don't know, we just can't seem to move past this. He doesn't understand. I can't just-" he stopped, stuck on the words he'd been about to say, and a strange look crossed his face. "I- I couldn't-" he corrected himself with a strangled sort of tone, "I couldn't just stop. Mirai's insistence on my retirement was an impossible dream. I knew if I pushed forward it would be to the detriment of my future, but if I didn't... it would be to the detriment of so many others. The world depends on me - did depend on me - for safety and security and the freedom for everyone to live their lives without fear. How could I be so selfish as to retire when I had more to give? How could I just sit back and watch the world struggle forward without their Symbol of Peace?" He clenched his fists while staring straight forward, and I uncurled from the ball I'd tucked myself in to reach across and lay a hand over his.
"It's been excruciating to see it all starting to crumble these past few weeks, even knowing there was nothing else I could have done," he admitted, so quietly I had to strain to hear him. I could only imagine what it must be costing him to share all this with me - even with all the progress we'd made since meeting each other and our new intimacy, I knew he still had a tough time opening all of the doors he had locked inside his mental walls. The fact that he was trying so hard for me only made me love and appreciate him more. However, at the moment I mostly just felt sad for him.
"There will be others who take your place," I tried to comfort him. "Periods of transition are always rough, no matter the circumstances, but it will pass. Other heroes will fill in the gaps left behind by your retirement. You were and are fantastic, Toshi; You left big shoes to fill, but someone will. There's Midoriya of course - in a few years, that is - but there are other heroes now too."
"Even the number two hero is leagues behind where I was, and it's not for lack of trying," he scoffed, and I was a bit caught off guard by his assessment of Endeavor. It wasn't untrue, but at the same time it was unusual to hear him speak so bitterly and bluntly. Distantly I wondered if his mood was being affected more heavily than normal due to him being sick. Maybe I should have tried to take a rain check on this after all. "I ascended so far above everyone else that I ended up leaving impossible shoes to fill. I used to see that as a point of pride, but now I realize the truth in the phrase 'pride cometh before the fall.' My dream was to eventually create a world that wouldn't need me anymore - to eliminate all the crime and villainy." He stared at his hands, and he turned his palm over to curl his fingers around my own hand where it still covered his, holding it in a slightly too-tight grip. "An impossible dream, maybe, but it's what I believed in. It's what I hoped for. But now I'm retired and useless; the world still needs me and I have to watch the consequences of my absence unfold without being able to do a damn thing about it," he growled. "So yes, there are other heroes - very capable heroes - but they're not me. The world needs me. And I can't do it anymore. I. Fucking. Can't."
The anger was heartbreaking, because I saw it for what it truly was: pain. His hold on my hand was nearly crushing now as well, and he probably didn't even realize he was doing it. "I won't pretend to know what it must feel like to be going through all of this," I said quietly, searching for what words to say and hoping they wouldn't fall as flat as I felt like they did in my head. "But you sound so alone right now, and I want to remind you that you're not. The fate of the world doesn't rest solely on your shoulders, no matter how powerful your quirk was. You're not a god, you're just a man, Toshinori. Nothing that happens now is your fault, and you know why? There will always be evil people - unfortunately, that's just human nature. And when an evil person does an evil thing... that's not your fault, it's theirs. They made that choice and that decision to go down a dark path."
Toshinori laughed once, but it was humorless and full of something I couldn't quite tell. Remorse? Anger? "Speaking of people choosing their own dark path... Shigaraki Tomura... that's not his original name, you know. He was originally known by the name Shimura Tenko. He's the grandson of my master, Shimura Nana." I didn't mean to let out the sharp inhale at his words, and he nodded grimly.
"I didn't know..." I murmured.
"How could you have? I didn't even know until Kamino Ward. You see, my master had a family, once. She was married, and they had a son. However, All for One murdered her husband, so she decided to put her son with a foster family while cutting off all communication in order to protect him. She also asked Gran Torino and I not to contact him, so I never really knew what became of him. Neither did Nana. And... and I can't stop myself from thinking that maybe if I had checked in on her family after all - maybe if I had been there for Tenko, he wouldn't have turned into what he is now," he said with a sigh and an infinite sadness. "But Gran Torino brought up a good point - thinking of him as anything other than a villain is dangerous. He's beyond my help at this point. Logically, I know that the way his life turned out is not my fault - All for One and his manipulative agenda are to blame - and yet I still feel like there must have been something I could have done. If I'd only known, maybe..." he cleared his throat, and ran the back of the hand that wasn't still clutching mine under his eyes roughly. "For so long I did carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, Mei, and I'm having a hard time passing it off now that it's a burden I can no longer bear. All of this - letting go and moving on - it's hard, and I have to pretend like it's not."
I scooted closer, pressing against his side and laying my head on his shoulder. He took a deep, shaking breath as if to center himself and his grip on my hand relaxed marginally. "Then I'll bear it with you," I vowed, causing him to tense again. "None of this is your fault or your burden. You're not useless and you're not alone. But if you feel like all these things are true anyway, then I'll be here to help you through them. You don't have to pretend with me."
A muted, choking sort of sound rumbled up from his chest, and I realized he was trying not to cry. The corners of my own eyes burned at the realization and I turned my head to hide my face in his shoulder. "Thank you," he eventually whispered. "And also, I'm sorry."
"For what?" I asked, pulling back and craning my head to see his face.
"Well, a number of things, really. But at the moment I'm apologizing for stealing the conversation. We were supposed to be talking about what was bothering you," he sighed like he was almost disappointed in himself or something - he still had such a hard time just letting himself be human.
I shook my head and gave his hand a light squeeze. "Don't apologize for that. I'm glad you talked to me about it," I assured him, putting as much love and comfort into my voice as I could. I was glad he felt able to confide in me about feelings like that. It wasn't an easy thing to do.
"Regardless, talk to me, Mei," he asked, and I knew this was two-parts him wanting to discuss my thoughts and one-part him trying to escape his own; that was something I could understand.
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, considering my words before I said them. The hero already seemed to be in a delicate state of mind tonight, and I was concerned that having two back-to-back depressing discussions in one go. However, when I hesitated, his hold on my hand started to tighten again. "You sure you want to do this now? I know you're not feeling great. We can do this later-" I tried.
"I'd prefer not to postpone talking about stuff like this anymore. It didn't go so well for us last time we avoided hard topics," he echoed my earlier thoughts, so I really couldn't blame him.
"Right, right," I agreed regretfully. "Well, I guess the truth is that I don't really know where to start." I leaned back and turned so that I was facing him while lowering my knees so that I sat cross-legged on the couch now.
Toshinori shrugged, watching me carefully. "Just tell me what you're thinking. You don't need to sugar-coat it."
Ha. Don't I? I thought a little warily. Even so, I tried my best to do as he asked. "Well, for starters I'm not too keen on the idea of you dying," I said with an effort at casualness that wouldn't have fooled anyone. Actually, somehow saying it so bluntly made it seem more real. Biting my lip, I ducked my head to hide the threat of tears and swallowed before continuing. "I'd kinda like to keep you around a while, provided you still wanted to be around me that long too," I said as nonchalantly as I could manage. "This... this isn't a game to me, Toshi. I hope I've made that clear. And while any time I do get to spend with you is time well spent, it's eating away at my heart to think there's a chance this won't last as long as it organically might have."
He remained quiet, listening patiently and somberly. Willing myself to go on, I said, "Personally, I don't believe in fate. I think we make our own destinies - if there even is such a thing. I think the future is a result of small actions and effects that accumulate or domino in ways you might not even realize. The future constantly flickers and changes with every action and choice we make, as far as I'm concerned... However, you said it perfectly earlier. I might be wrong. And it's that phrase - might be wrong - that is killing me inside."
"I should have never told you, huh?" he asked quietly, and I shook my head.
"No, that's not it. In fact, I would have been angry if you'd kept it from me and I found out later. I'm glad you were honest with me, but at the same time... I wish I didn't know," I admitted. "But also, do you remember what I said before? Everyone goes sometimes, and it could be tomorrow or it could be twenty years from now. I still believe we should all make the most of the time we have." Toshinori's eyes were burning into me as I spoke, making it all that much harder to not break eye contact in this tense moment. "And I intend to live as if I have you forever. It hurts right now to think about the end, but all that's inevitable eventually for everyone, right?"
A tad nervously I chuckled, but it was fueled more by anxiety than any sort of humor. My free hand was hopelessly tangling a lock of hair absentmindedly as I spoke. "And I get that things between us are a little too new for me to even speculate on any sort of real future between us - 'only fools rush in' and all that jazz - but if we were... to have a future together, I mean... well, I mean I don't know what kind of life you'd even want for yourself or for us, but the idea that we might not get to live it is difficult to process when I've only just recently been able to finally say 'I love you' out loud."
"You would really want a future with me?" he asked in a voice that was low and hinting at skepticism.
I snorted lightly and rolled my eyes. "I'm here, aren't I?" I asked, but added more seriously, "I meant it when I said this wasn't a game, Toshinori."
At that he bowed his head, leaning his forehead against mine with his bangs tickling either side of my face. For several seconds it was quiet as he seemed to gather his thoughts. "I don't know what promises I can make," he breathed, and I felt my heart stutter at the whisper of his lips barely a centimeter from my own, "But what I can promise is that I will try. I will live and fight for you, Mei, and I'll try to give you the future you want. If you're going to live like we have forever, then so will I."
"Then that's all I could ask for," I replied, feeling almost lightheaded. When our lips met the kiss was soft, and distantly I wondered whether I'd be the one with a cold next. When we parted I sighed, leaning my face into his shoulder. "I know I'll come to terms with the prophecy-thing, but I don't guess I'll ever feel great about it. Just bear with me while I figure out how to cope with it, kay?"
"Of course," he murmured, hand cradling the back of my head and holding me against him. "And if you need to talk about it more, you know that you can."
"It doesn't hurt you to think about?" I pondered aloud and I felt him shake his head.
"I've had six years to process and accept it. Granted, as of lately it's been bothering me a little more," he admitted while he lightly stroked my hair. "But honestly, it's possible the future's already changed. Between my relationship with you and mentoring young Midoriya, I've grown a lot as a person in this past year so maybe the conditions of my destiny have been altered. Plus since I'm retired, I won't exactly be jumping into anymore villain fights. Before now, I didn't have such personal reasons to keep living, I guess."
I heard the true sadness behind that last sentence - there was a weight there that wasn't something he'd ever said directly, but that I'd wondered at before. As someone who had suffered from depression herself, it wasn't hard to spot the lingering signs in the number one hero. I'd suspected as much since shortly after meeting him, but he'd been doing okay seemingly, so it wasn't a topic I'd ever brought up (not to mention that definitely would have been pushing boundaries he probably wouldn't have appreciated anyway). I liked to think that our friendship had a positive impact on his outlook, and hearing him now confirm that I was a better reason to keep fighting filled me with a relieved sort of happiness.
"Dying doesn't scare you?" I couldn't stop from asking, and instantly I cringed as the words left my mouth.
Toshinori didn't take offense though. "Like, hell," he admitted naturally. "But just like everything else in my life, when I'm scared I try to smile through it. Fear is natural - everyone feels it - but it's how we each deal with our fears that set us apart. Learning how to accept our fears is part of that too."
Of all the things I could say - all the things that would be sweet or comforting - my inept and flighty brain fell back on it's default response: awkward humor. "Inspirational as always, All Might," I teased lightly, pecking a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth. Humor was safe and easy, and maybe it was immature of me but I didn't think my nerves could take much more of this tonight.
The blonde actually smiled though, albeit it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Somehow I don't think that one will make it on a calendar with a pretty background, though."
I snickered. "I know how to use editing software. Don't tempt me." I paused with mock thoughtfulness and let my grin spread further. "Although I'd probably make a boat load selling a limited edition, All Might inspirational quotes booklet."
He snorted. "My PR manager would love slapping you with that copyright claim I'm sure."
"Good thing I know their boss then," I said flippantly. "Better yet, good thing I'm sleeping with their boss."
"Yeah?" he grinned now, leaning forward and raising a brow.
"Yep. Rumor has it he's thinking of hiring me too," I replied airily.
"Is that so? Sounds like this guy is pretty lucky." His arm braced against the back of the couch and he leaned over me.
"Maybe," I giggled, as his lips brushed along my jaw. "Especially since rumor also has it I'm hopelessly in love with him."
"Definitely a lucky man, then," he murmured against the skin of my throat. "All these rumors, though; you should really stop gossiping, or at least get better sources."
"You doubt the credibility of my sources?" I tried not to gasp as his fingers crept under the hem of my shirt.
"Only because you missed the most important rumor," he purred.
"And what's that?"
"That he's hopelessly in love with you too."