AN: Sorry for the long wait everyone! This will be the final update for a very long time for any of my stories. I know people didn't think this story would ever get finished, but here it is. I re-wrote this chapter several times. Honestly, I didn't see it ending like this. I don't think anyone did, really. But it is how it ended...I hope everyone else can accept the end. I also hope you like the ending. It won't be changing. I don't know if I have Mikey being too harsh or what. And it is short- very short, but I hope it conveys all of the emotions I'm hoping it does. I also wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts on how you had expected it to end. I'm curious, if you'll put them in a review or PM me with those thoughts. I'll read them. But I also hope you don't hate on this ending, if you do. I hope you can enjoy. R&R!
Last time: (Since it's been a while)
Finally, after what seemed forever, the youngest walked up to his brothers. And Michelangelo finally spoke.
Punishment
"I was so proud of myself. Of my strength. For 12 years, I was strong. For 12 years, no one was the wiser. There were cracks over the years, of course there were. But no one noticed, and I considered that a success. An achievement." Mikey gave a hollow laugh. "And yet, you three always managed to make me waver. Weak. Doubt. You pushed me to the absolute limit of my mask. Of my strength and belief. My confidence and self worth." Blue eyes looked them over, before determination filled them. IF he was going to do this, he was going to be brutally honest about it. "Eventually, I began to court Death of my own volition." His family's eyes widened in horror at his admittance. "And I was always ashamed of myself, for it. Because I would end up worrying about whether it would affect you or not. I would work my self into a down ward spiral, because I couldn't help but wonder: Will they mourn? Or will they celebrate?" Their breaths stuttered to a halt in their throats.
'How could they have missed this?' They wondered, feeling cold and numb. But Michelangelo wasn't done. He had 12 years of pent up pain and emotion that was finally being released. Being revealed. It was far from over.
"You always made me feel bad for being good. For improving myself to keep up with you. You made me feel like I was broken, if I felt something darker. Anger. Sorrow. Resentment. Those emotions that make up the human side of us. But you three. You flaunted them before me...and we helped you. But Kami forbid Mikey feels them. If he's feeling them, he's broken and needs to be fixed. Not accepted. Not comforted. Not helped. No, you felt the need to fix me, even though I wasn't broken. You made me feel guilty, for being normal! Every time!" He cried, truly upset and letting them know. His voice was thick with emotion. Thick with repression. They had done that to him.
"And yet, despite all of it: The abuse. The belittlement. Your jealousy and entitlement... Despite all of that-" Mikey's voice had begun to rise, before it fell once more. "I stilllove you three morethan my own life." The three of them looked up in shock, and were alarmed to at the tears swimming in baby blues. Before they could comfort him, Mikey continued. "And I hatemyself for it. I hate myself for not being able to give you up completely. I hate myself for forgiving you three your cruelty as easily as I have." The tears flowed freely now, he wasn't strong enough to hold them back any longer. "I hate myself, for finding happiness away from you. And I hate myself more, for being happier, now that I don't live for you." Mikey's raw and broke voice filled the still air of the night. "But most of all- I hate that I feel guilty, for not hating myself more than I do." Mikey was fully sobbing now. Broken, but fixed. Shackled, yet free. His entire existence seemingly an oxymoron of itself. "And that's your fault too! I was always the one to blame when things went wrong. When the plan didn't go the way it was supposed to. I was conditioned to feel guilty, for not seeing myself as guilty. And if I hadn't spent my entire life, being made to feel like it was my fault. If I hadn't been made to feel like nothing I said or contributed was good enough. If I had a shred of self confidence, then maybe, I could accept that I shouldn't feel guilty. But whether you realized you were doing it or not, you were the ones that made sure that wasn't the case." Silence settled over the roof top as Mikey tried to calm his own sobs. Tried to regain some semblance of composure from his break down. One years over due. !2 years, to be precise.
"You asked for a punishment." Mikey's voice sounded, shaking slightly. All eyes were on Mikey, though his were only on his brothers. "Here it is: I forgive you." His voice full of conviction. They were all confused as they saw the compassion and sincerity in his baby blue eyes. So full of love, that it hurt the three of them on a physical level. They were confused, because how was forgiveness a punishment? "I forgive you, even though you don't deserve it. Not yet. And you will know it. But you will, eventually in the years to come, earn it. And even then, you won't be able to forgive yourselves. That, is your punishment." He said, voice soft. Loving.
It was true, though, wasn't it? A punishment befitting their crime. It was well deserved. Yet, they would try to fix their wrong- or was atone for their sins, the more appropriate phrase? And, in the years to come, when Michelangelo would know his forgiveness had been earned. Their crime atoned for. The three of them would not accept it. Eventually, they would die, never forgiving themselves. They would die, accepting a punishment they felt was far. Too. Lenient. From their baby brother, who they had hurt too greatly. And pushed too far. They would die, feeling what Michelangelo had for so long. But they would die forgiven. Just as Michelangelo knew they would. And he would continue to love them, even then.
TMNT: Shattered Mask~ FIN
AN: There we have the final chapter. I hope you all enjoyed that chapter, despite how sort it was. I hope the emotions got through. As I said, I hadn't foreseen this story ending like this. It took me by surprise, how it ended. Again, I would love to hear your thoughts: On how it ended. How you expected it to end. And while I won't be doing anymore stories for another few years probably, I will still read your reviews and PMs for this one. Out of all of my stories, this one spoke to me on a much deeper, emotional level than any of my others have. And after coming back after three years and seeing how many more there were commenting and reading it- since the last time I touched it. I just knew it needed to be finished. Thank you for the support this story has been given. Until the next one.