Inner worries and fears

"Naruto?" Sasuke says in surprise and shock to see his secret lover in his kitchen. "What-" Sasuke can't finish the sentence as Naruto has rushed over to hug him tightly.

"I couldn't stand being there a second longer…" Naruto whispers in the ravens ear, the mere sight of his boyfriend causing tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to go…"

"Don't apologize, never apologize for wanting to be with me." Sasuke replies as they have made some space between them and he gently caresses his boyfriends cheek while they look each other in their eyes. "Come on, I'll sneak you upstairs." Sasuke says as he takes his boyfriend by the hand.

Itachi had still been asleep when Sasuke got back just mere minutes ago. Though he worried he was definitely grateful for that now. His mind was reeling though with how he would be able to keep Naruto's presence a secret. He understands that circumstances weren't exactly ideal to introduce them to each other. Especially because he wanted to tell his brother before they actually met. It's hard enough disappointing his brother, there is no way he could do that with his lover present to see it. What's more, he didn't want his brother to look with that disapproval to Naruto. If he was forced to choose between them… Sasuke mentally shakes his head as he leads Naruto to his room. He can't think about that right now. One problem at the time. Now it was Naruto that needed his undivided attention.

"There." Sasuke whispers as he closes the door behind him. Naruto moves instantly to hug him again and Sasuke is forced to lean with his back against the door as he holds his lover back. They stand like that for a little while, each taking in the presence of the other, just feeling relieved to be together again. "Conversation with your parents went that bad huh?" Sasuke asks softly and Naruto nods while neither of them lets go.

"I hate them. They ruined my life. T-they ruined-" Naruto says as his shoulders start to shock and he can't say more as the enormity of him running away at that moment, after what he had said to them, overwhelms him. Sasuke shushes him and moves them to the bed so they can sit down. As soon as Naruto does so he hisses however and he immediately moves so he's face down on the bed, hitting the mattress as he tries to muffle his frustrated scream.

"I'm sorry. I-"

"Don't!" Naruto growls turning on his side and refusing to look at the raven. Refusing to see the pity in his eyes. It wasn't pity though that he would have found there, but guilt. As he knows not what to say Sasuke moves to stroke his hand through Naruto's hair. "I just…" Naruto has to take a deep, quivering breath before he continues. "I hate feeling like this. I'm angry all the time. And when I'm not I just want to cry or feel nothing at all, think nothing at all… I hate it."

"It's okay." Sasuke shushes softly and he carefully lies down next to him, he keeps moving his hand through the blond locks in a calming manner that seems to help Naruto relax. "It's okay to feel that way. I know… I don't know exactly what you're feeling but… Let's just say that I know how frustrating life can be. What you described just now I can relate to."

"Sasuke," Naruto says and lays his hand over the one that was stroking him. "I think you understand me far better than anyone else… That's why I keep coming back to you." They smile at each other for that and Sasuke sees his opportunity to kiss him which Naruto is grateful for. No matter the mess he is right now, Sasuke would still want him, love him. That's what he came here for, that's what he has found is worth living for. It makes the pain of his behind a bit more bearable.

"Do you want to talk about it? The conversation with your parents?" Sasuke asks softly after he returned to the position prior to the kiss. Naruto sighs and he closes his eyes for a moment.

"Not really…" He answers and for a moment he considers telling Sasuke about the compensation money or lawsuit dilemma. "I… I'm just tired. No, more like exhausted…" The weight of all that has happened the past ten hours or so, seem to pull him down and his exhausted mind seems to finally catch up to him. Yet the memory of the last dream he had instantly makes any desire for sleep disappear.

"If you want I could make you something that could help you sleep a bit deeper." Sasuke offers, instantly understanding that his boyfriend wouldn't want to sleep because of what might await him in his dreams. "Itachi has been having nightmares lately so I learned how to make it. He used to make it for me when I had them, so…"

"Shit, Sasuke, I didn't even ask about how your reunion went! God, I'm such an asshole. I'm so sorry-"

"Hey, it's alright." Sasuke shushes the blond. "It can wait. There are more pressing matters to deal with. Many more pressing matters…"

"Like what?" Naruto asks, wanting to know what else he might have missed while being stuck in his own problems. "I mean, yeah there is me and what happened to me, the pain, my parents… Don't get me started on school…"

"Wait, what problems with school?" Sasuke asks, wondering if he missed something. Naruto pulls a face on him that clearly stated something along the lines of 'are you an idiot?'.

"There is no way I'm going to school tomorrow. Probably not the rest of the week…" Again the consequences of him running away overcome him. "I don't even know where I'll be next week for I really don't see myself going back home anytime soon… There is no way I can stay here that long and… a-and-"

"Naru, hey, take a deep breath. One problem at a time. And you don't have to do it all on your own." Sasuke says as he gently moves to hug Naruto's upper body with his own. He gently kisses his boyfriends neck and moves one hand to stroke through blond locks again and the other to hold his lovers hand. "We will get through this together." Sasuke says determinedly as they intertwine their fingers.

"Yeah." Naruto says softly while he looks at their intertwined hands in front of him. Once more he's reminded of how lucky he is to have Sasuke as his lover. Honestly he must have been the biggest idiot in the world to have ever broken up with him. He intends to tell him so when they hear a door elsewhere in the house closing. Clearly their time is up.

"Seems my brother is awake…" Sasuke says as he carefully moves away, making Naruto instantly miss the way their hands were locked and the warmth of his boyfriends body so close to his.

"You should go before he comes to check in on you." Naruto says with a sigh. "I won't be going anywhere." Sasuke smiles softly at that.

"Mind if I take a shower too? I promise I'll be back as soon as possible." Sasuke leans down to kiss his lover, at which Naruto pushes him away.

"Do I mind? Honestly I wouldn't want to share this bed with you if you didn't!" Naruto says playfully.

"It's my bed." Sasuke says as he stands up, one brow raised and arms crossed.

"I don't care. I'll be sleeping in it too. And I do like my boyfriend best all clean and smelling soapy." Naruto grins.

"Ghn. Liar. We both know you like me best when I'm being all dirty." Sasuke chuckles.

"Uhrg. Yeah, yeah. Just go Uchiha. Before your brother starts wondering why you're not up yet."

Sasuke chuckles at that and just before he opens the door he hesitates. "Hey, I know you don't want to think about them right now but, do let your parents know that you're somewhere safe. Wouldn't want a search party or the police knocking at our door." His attempt at lightening the mood doesn't seem to work as Naruto sighs deeply and just mumbles a not convincing conformation. The raven shrugs and opens his door to find his way downstairs. Seems he'd have to talk about that after he comes back.

"Good to see you're up and about, little brother." Itachi says as he finishes setting the table for their breakfast. Sasuke had still been in thought about his blond problem upstairs and his brothers presence startles him a little.

"Y-yeah. Mornin 'Tachi." Sasuke says as he hardly suppresses a yawn. To little sleep. Damn I need to stay sharp, or Itachi will figure out in no time that I'm hiding something. Sasuke thinks as he tiredly lets himself fall into one of the kitchen chairs.

"You look tired. Didn't you sleep well?" Itachi asks him worriedly, laying a hand on his cheek to make the youngster look at him. Sasuke moves his head away, fearing Itachi might spot the lie in his eyes even without him having said a word.

"Couldn't sleep anymore earlier this mornin'. Went out to train some with my sparring partner." Sasuke answers truthfully. Lying 101; whenever possible use the truth.

"After the night before you must be exhausted then." Itachi answers while both of them start to make their bread. "I suggest you catch up on some sleep while I'm away today."

"Away?" Sasuke asks in surprise. It's not like he doesn't welcome it, having to take care of Naruto, but the thought of his brother going out after all that has happened makes his worry return tenfold.

"It won't be long, little brother. Kakashi will be here in about an hour. He insisted that I get a check-up at the hospital. Between you and him I doubt any harm could possibly get to me, as protective as you both are."

"But, it's a Sunday. Are hospitals even open?"

"Well of course they are." Itachi chuckles. "I'd pity all the patients that have to stay for a longer amount of time if they weren't. Ailments or accidents don't exactly take the weekends off after all." His brothers teasing makes Sasuke wish he could sink away in his chair. He really needed to get some sleep if his mind couldn't even come to that conclusion himself.

"When will you be back?" The younger Uchiha asks.

"Couple of hours. Around midday we ought to make it back. Kakashi insisted he'd treat me to lunch. I suspect though that he'd want to talk about his new role as temporary head of Sharingan and what tasks he'd have to give priority too. I'm afraid it's going to be a challenging time for him. Well do I know by now that running a company like Sharingan isn't actually a one man job…"

"Yeah, we both do…" Sasuke answers and it remains silent for the remainder of their breakfast.

"I'm going to take a shower. And then head straight back to bed. You promise you'll be back around midday?" Sasuke asks as he intends to help clean the table, though Itachi wordlessly takes the plates and cutlery out of his hands to do it by himself.

"I promise. Take it easy today, little brother. For I do expect you to go to school tomorrow."

"Uhrgg… Don't you remind me." Sasuke groans at the thought of it. Before he leaves though he moves to quickly hug his brother.

"Ghn. No need to worry Sasuke. You just hurry and take that shower. You sure could use one."

"Oh come on, it's not that bad!" Sasuke proclaims after he has taken a quick few steps away. His brother just chuckles as he continues to take care of the dishes.

Naruto sighs in frustration as he looks at his phone and sees the four missed calls from his parents. They sure figured out fast that he had left. He had intended to ignore what Sasuke had said, not wanting to deal with his parents in any way. That and he really didn't want to move to take his phone from his bag. Sleeping without Sasuke's reassuring presence however wasn't exactly a welcoming thought either so he figured he might as well take care of the annoying business now. He knew Sasuke was right of course. He just really didn't know what to tell them to get them of his back. Nothing had worked so far after all. Annoyed he decides to just get it over with.

Mom, Dad,
I don't want you to worry. I'm at a friend's place,
someone I really trust and whom I know has my
back. I need some space now to figure this out on
my own. Please don't call me, don't go looking for
me. I'll be fine, eventually. I just need some time
and space, not your smothering overprotectiveness.
Naruto

As soon as he has pressed send he turns his phone of and throws it at his bag after which he climbs higher onto the bed so he can hide his face in his boyfriends pillow. The familiar smell seems to calm him down instantly and makes the frustrating thoughts about his parents fade away. Looking sideways he sees the bookshelf and notices some familiar looking sketchbooks. He groans as he again has to move and takes some out. Better that he has something to do while he waits for Sasuke, not wanting to sleep nor wanting to give his mind the time to wander to unpleasant thoughts and memories. Not to mention that the curiosity pushes him again to take a look at them.

The first two are the ones his lover had shown him about his childhood. The third was the one Naruto had looked into without asking permission. He quickly goes through that one again, wondering if he had missed something or if Sasuke had drawn in it since. When he comes past the pages that show the bit more perverted thoughts of his boyfriend he finds his cheeks turn red. He forces himself to linger a bit longer though. The images reigned from Sasuke laying behind him while kissing him, one hand hidden by the blanket that covers the lower half of their bodies though it's obvious what it's doing. Another drawing of just their torso's where Sasuke hugs him from behind and he himself has his head laid back against the nook of his neck. Another where it is just his face visible, lost in passion as his other half is underneath the blankets being the cause of it.
The images stir a longing in him and he strangely finds that his eyes water at the sight of them. Will we ever be able to do it like that again? Be so carefree with our intimacy again? Naruto wonders as he closes his eyes for a moment. He tries to remember the last time they were filled with so much lust for one another that nothing else mattered. How Sasuke had touched him, how his kisses taste, what the feeling of him entering was like. Yet with every memory it's the invasive one that seems to come along with it. Where Sasuke's hands turn into Sai's, his voice going from sweet, silky and sometimes cocky to the disgusting, selfish and desperate one of his rapist. The thought of intimacy now frightens him. But it's Sasuke! Naruto thinks furiously to himself. He wouldn't hurt me. He's not Sai! It's not like I don't trust him… W-what if all I can do is remember the rape when we do it? Can I still even enjoy it? Naruto wonders and he swallows to try to get rid of the tightness of his throat.
He decides to flip through some more pages, coming into a more decent area of the sketchbook. Some of them are about the both of them and show quite clearly Sasuke's dreams and wishes for their relationship and how much he cares. There is one where they walk through a busy street while holding hands, one where they share a milkshake together, one where they sit together at some park, one where they watch a movie together as they sit on the couch. There was even one where they are eating out at a restaurant and they are joined by another whom Naruto can guess is Itachi. He really doesn't want to keep our relationship in secrecy anymore either. Naruto thinks sadly. Better we tell his brother soon to prevent any damage between them like how the secret has done between me and my parents… Naruto thinks as he makes up his mind to discuss this with his boyfriend as soon as possible. It would solve a lot of their problems if Sasuke's brother knew the truth.

As Sasuke stands in the shower he remembers the last time Naruto was in his room while he took one. He had been disappointed then, taken how heated things had gotten only to be stood up. Come to think of it, the last time they were about to they got interrupted just when things started to get good. On that note he couldn't really blame Naruto for dreaming about him and realizing to late what was reality and what was dream. He himself had been having plenty of those dreams too, probably around the same time. He remembers vividly what the dream had been about. For a moment his hand moves to his awakened member, but he doesn't do more than just hold it. How could he be thinking about this? After everything his lover went through, how could he be thinking about taking him. That's such a selfish thing to do! …right? And yet he can't help it. The thought of that monster being the one who last entered his lover, the last one who touched him like that. It makes the raven so possessive that an almost animalistic instinct drives him to want his boyfriend even more. Like he has to claim him, like a wild animal claiming territory.
But it wasn't just that. He wants is lover to moan only his name, to beg only him for more, to open his body up only to him. Not that he doubted his loyalty or anything! Sasuke knew Naruto loved him and wouldn't want anyone else and that all he told Sasuke was the truth. He just wants to make sure that Naruto is his only. He wants to shower that abused body with nothing but love, with touches and kisses on every part of that deliciously tanned skin. He wants to make his lover forget all the awful things he's been through, kiss his troubles and dark memories away. He wants to make him feel such ecstasy and all the love Sasuke could give him so he would know that nothing about his feelings for the blond had changed. That he would still want Naruto even after the bastard had defiled him so. He wishes he could, god how he wished he could!

"Sasuke I've made the usual sleep beverage for you, so I'll be putting that in your room." Sounds Itachi's voice suddenly through the bathroom door, interrupting Sasuke's thoughts rudely.

"Shit! Wait!" Sasuke shouts as he dashes out of the shower to prevent his brother from going into his room and finding Naruto there. That is not the way to tell his brother his current biggest secret!

To be continued…

Ah right, is also where I need to update the story. Totally forgot. Could have to do with the lack of comments here though, haha. But yeah I should get the story up to date here too. Please do let me know if anyone reads it on here still. To be honest I'm just as quilty of not reading on as much anymore cuss there are other sites I'd favor. But for those who do I'll work on getting the story up to date here to. ^.^"