Disclaimer: I don't own John Bertrand or Deadpool. John Bertrand belongs to Crusherboy93. Deadpool belongs to Fabian Nicieza, Rob Liefeld, and Marvel Comics.
Azure: Requested by Crusherboy93. This should be fun.
-Line Break-
John: Time for me to return!
Deadpool: You're not going to hog the spotlight this time!
Bryant: Both of you get out of here.
Thea: Shoo! Shoo, shoo, shoo!
John: Alright, alright. *leaves*
Deadpool: Excited to win! *leaves*
Bryant: Yes, John Bertrand, the superhuman bounty hunter.
Thea: And Deadpool, the merc with a mouth.
Bryant: Let's not beat around the bush and instead hop right on in.
John: You don't seem too excited-
Thea: Shut up already! *shoves him back out*
-Line Break-
Bryant: We covered him twice already, once not even ten chapters ago, but John Bertrand has returned for his third What If Battle.
John Bertrand:
-Age: 30+
-Married to Toka Yada
-Hates Deadpool
-Travelled the multiverse multiple times
-Has tentacles named Rock and Creed
-Currently retired
Thea: You know the story by now. He's an American Bounty Hunter from the Hunter Classroom series, or as we've been calling it on Discord, the JoHCverse. He was introduced to the Assassination Classroom by his girlfriend, Toka Yada, when she was called to the old campus building by Karma Akabane.
Bryant: John proved himself to be a trustworthy person to the group, and was soon appointed to be a leader of the team.
Thea: A bit quick there, but whatever. John's got a bunch of abilities up his sleeve. Stuff like fighting with knives, guns, swords, and fists!
John: I've got a bit of everything.
Thea: Including the ability to manipulate the fourth wall, which means that we can't get away from this douche! Seriously! Stop crashing at my house! And stop drinking my sodas!
John: Oh come on, it could be worse. You have too much Shasta anyways. Have a Coke instead. At least a Pepsi.
Thea: I drink what I want to drink douchebag! And I already have Bryant breathing down my neck about beer!
Bryant: You get too drunk too easily.
Thea: Screw you.
Bryant: Moving on, John's abilities are that of a human in peak physical condition. Although, his abilities are a bit, beyond that.
Abilities/Arsenal:
-Tentacles
-Flight
-Antimatter blasts
-Superhuman abilities
-Healing
-Supersuit:
=Flight
=Blasters
=Healing spray
=Nanotech technology
=Invisibility
-Techniques
=Kamehameha
=7 Page Muda
=Clap Stunner
=Consciousness sensing
-Spells
=Magic staff
=In Another World With My Smartphone spells
-White Lantern Ring
-Infinity Gauntlet
-Omnitrix
Thea: It hasn't even been ten chapters Bryant. We all know he's got tentacles in his neck.
Bryant: No suspense with you, huh? But yes, John was chosen to be a failsafe against Korosensei, and injected with a special serum which granted John possession of his very own tentacles. This enhanced his physical abilities and granted him a powerful healing factor. He can heal from many kinds of injuries, including bullets. He can fly through the air at Mach 45 speeds, lift up a 25 ton door, and use his tentacles, Rock and Creed, as extra limbs. Which, they are. Obviously.
Thea: He's also got antimatter energy attacks, which he can use to rip off anime attacks like the Kamehameha, or the 7 Page Muda!
John: Hey, why not when you can?
Thea: Ah, dammit. We can't go one battle without you interrupting.
John: Come on, why stop a good thing?
Thea: I don't think we should stop a good thing. But what does that have to do with this?
John: …
Bryant: What's more the tentacles are the same version as the likes of Kayano's and Itona's. So when he gets angry enough, there's a chance that he can enter a berserker state similar to theirs. This increases his speed, strength, and healing.
Thea: So basically, he's a rip-off of them.
John: Hey!
Bryant: Moving on, John has received multiple upgrades over his series. This includes magic spells and a magic staff. While he doesn't always need his staff, he uses it to use different spells from the Isekai series known as In Another World With My Smartphone.
Thea: You think that's important? He's got a bunch of random-ass overpowered sh*t! Seriously, you got a White Lantern Ring, an Omnitrix, and an Infinity Gauntlet! Do you even use them?! Does Power Leveling exist in your world?
John: Well I-
Bryant: However, given the fact that Thanos didn't exist within his universe, and considering the rules surrounding the Gauntlet, it's likely that John wouldn't be able to use the Gauntlet. However, the White Lantern Ring should still be capable of working.
Thea: How does that even make sense? The Ring came from the other universe, why did it choose this John? Why not that world's John?
John: Well-
Bryant: The Lantern Ring grants a variety of different abilities to John's arsenal. He can create energy constructs, force fields, create an avatar of himself, absorb energy, create portals, automatically translate foreign languages, become invisible, phase through matter, create pocket dimensions, and travel through time. However, since he's never even used this ring, John has very limited experience with it.
Thea: He used the Omnitrix to transform into aliens like Water Hazard, Buzzshock, NRG, Shocksquatch, Spidermonkey, Four-Arms, and Articguana. Water Hazard has high-pressure water attacks, Buzzshock and Shocksquatch can use electricity, NRG has radioactive attacks, Spidermonkey is a literal spider monkey, Four-Arms is Machamp but worse, and Articguana has ice powers. And he can conveniently use Ultimate forms.
Bryant: However, John does have one ability that is most annoying out of all. The ability to use a writer's keyboard. There have been multiple times where John has taken control of Azure's keyboard, and changed the flow of the Hunterverse fics. It's likely that he can take this even further.
John: I'm pretty overpowered.
Bryant: John has done a decent amount of different feats over the years.
Achievements:
-Killed at least four different Yanagisawas
-Flew into space
-Defeated other tentacle users
-Withstood radiation from a nuclear power plant
-Antimatter beams can disintegrate opponents
-Forced a blast door close
Bryant: Officially, John's max travel speed was recorded to Mach 45. However, it's likely that he's actually faster. His antimatter beam was able to reach into space, putting it at Mach 98-99 speeds. John himself was able to fly into space. Based on the context of this situation, it's likely that he took around twenty seconds, and it was stated that he flew past the International Space Station. To fly at this speed, he had to have been moving at speeds around Mach 60.
Thea: You still slower than Chiba. Git gud.
John: Shut up Thea.
Bryant: His antimatter beams can reach an energy level close to 3 gigajoules, which he used to kill Yanagisawa from the Hunterverse. He's killed at least three other Yanagisawas as well, and he's shown off his impressive durability when he withstood the radiation from a nuclear power plant. Which we calculated to be equal to about 521 gigajoules of energy. And while he did need his suit in order to survive this level of energy, it's important to note that his body was hardly affected by this in the long run.
Thea: But while this guy seems to be ridiculously overpowered, he's just barely balanced out with some weaknesses.
Weaknesses:
-Human body is still vulnerable
-Can be overwhelmed
-Special serums can affect his tentacles in bad ways
-Specific gases have been made to kill him
-Reckless
Bryant: There are a couple of weaknesses that John has to deal with. Starting out is one of his more serious weaknesses. Despite all these powers, John still has a regular human body. He has been knocked out by a random thug before, and he's mostly needed his tentacles for stronger feets in power. And when fighting multiple opponents at once or against someone who matches his power, he's been overwhelmed to the point where he needed to be saved by his friends. A bad weakness to have considering his reckless nature.
Thea: There's no such thing as Power Balance.
Bryant: There have also been multiple different cases when John had specific serums or formulas that specifically targeted his tentacles. Causing them to self-destruct.
Thea: That actually happened a couple of times. One time, he ended up having his memories transferred into another cloned body. The other time, he got his ass saved by an alternate version of himself from another universe. Talk about plot armor.
John: Oh come on, don't tell me you actually want all this dead. *gestures to self*
Thea: What is there to keep alive?
John: Oh you mother-
Bryant: Recently however, John has decided to retire from the business of bounty hunting, in favor of focusing more on his family life. And making a collection of model ships.
Thea: Well, it's about time this guy took a break.
John: But when the chips are down, you can always count on me to save the day.
Thea: Hey, you don't get to close this segment!
-Line Break-
Bryant: Throughout Marvel History, there have been many iconic superheroes who left their mark on the history of comic books. Iron Man, the Invincible Man in Armor. Captain America, the First Avenger. Thor, the God of Thunder. Spider-Man, Marvel's OG.
Thea: But despite all of the characters in Marvel Comics, few are as well known, or memed, as the Merc with the Mouth, Deadpool.
Bryant: But like all heroes, Deadpool started out as a regular man.
Thea: Regular? You sure about that?
Wade Wilson:
-Alias: Deadpool, DP, Dadpool, Dead Fist, Merc with a Mouth, etc etc.
-Isn't actually based on Deathstroke
-Likes chimichangas
-Apparently hacked Wolverine's Tumblr
-Ships Doctor Doom and Morgan Le Fay
-Hates anime. Monster.
Bryant: Travelling the world as a skilled mercenary, Wade Winston Wilson was a dangerous being who worked for the US Special Forces and the CIA. But when he was diagnosed with cancer, Wade chose to throw away most of his dreams and future and wait for death.
Thea: But then he was introduced to Department K, which promised to cure his cancer. But instead, he was tossed over to the Weapon X program. This led him to have Spider-Man's eyes and Snake Eye's weapons. He's got Wolverine powers… Man he's like sloppy comic seconds.
Bryant: When Wade managed to break out of his imprisonment at Weapon X, he took to the streets as the Merc with a Mouth: Dead-
Deadpool: Deadpooool! E-yeah!
Thea: … Time to get the shotgun.
Deadpool: Oh please, you watched my Death Battles. You know what that would do. And you know what I can do.
Arsenal/Abilities:
-Superhuman abilities
-Healing Factor
-Master martial artist
-Master assassin
-Unpredictability
-Fourth wall-breaking
-Deadpool suit
=Teleportation belt
-Katanas
-Carbonadium Swords
-Guns
-Grenades
-Sai
-Knives
-Bolas
-Magic Satchel
=Contains large amounts of weapons
Deadpool: I'm super jacked, and super fast! And my healing factor not only keeps my cancer in check, it also keeps me alive, making me potentially immortal! So my awesome will never die!
Thea: Your sex life did.
Deadpool: …
Bryant: Deadpool is a master martial artist and assassin. His training with the CIA and the US Special Forces gave him extreme skill, agility, and precision. He can change up his fighting style on the fly, which also gives him extreme mastery over his numerous weapons.
Deadpool: I've enough weapons to make the Doomguy greener with envy! I got my trusty rusty twin katanas which have an energy field that protects them from breaking! I also got twin pistols, grenades, classic bolas, and Raphael-style Sais. But I got even more Christmas gifts in my very own Santa Claus bag.
Thea: That would be his Magic Satchel.
Bryant: An animation technique which allows a character to pull certain objects out of nowhere. Think of it as the inventory from a RPG, where the avatar stores their weapons and equipment.
Thea: Which means he can carry just about anything. He's got hammers, SMGs, flashbangs, bear traps, bow and arrows, acid, and his own arm!
Bryant: He's also used some rather unique weapons as well. Pulse Rifles, which can disintegrate opponents at full charge, and Amalgamated Symbiote, a Loop Temporal Dislocation Harness which allows him to travel through time, and the Continuity Gem.
Thea: But one of his best weapons are his Carbondanium Katanas, which he used to kill Wolverine! Freakin', Wolverine!
Bryant: Carbonadium is a dangerous metal. While it's not as durable as the likes of Adamantium, its malleability still makes it rather hard to break. Carbonadium is rather radioactive. As such, it affects a person's healing factor, allowing Deadpool to kill the likes of Wolverine. The only real counter to such a weapon is the Carbonadium Synthesizer.
Deadpool: But what I really can do is thanks to the Beyonder! That mullet 90s dude sent me to some random-ass place called the Foundation of Reality. There, I came with the sudden discovery that I was the most badass character in comic book history!
Thea: You don't look like Red Hood.
Deadpool: Why you gotta do this to me babe?
Thea: Call me babe again and I will kill ya.
Bryant: Deadpool has regularly broken the fourth wall, which leads him to copy certain moves from other media. When being used in certain animations, most of these moves are usually taken from video games. In these animations, one of his most used reference-moves is Ryu's legendary Rising Dragon Fist, aka the Shoryuken. Though he has used the Tatsumaki Senpukyaku. Though he has never copied moves from different animes as he doesn't like anime.
Thea: Heresy! *starts stabbing Deadpool*
Deadpool: Ow! Ow! Ow! Leave me alone! I'm allowed to have opinions!
Bryant: Deadpool has shown himself to be rather capable during battle.
Achievements;
-Dodged lightning attacks
-Defeated ninjas while on the phone
-Pulled around a helicopter
-Survived a skyscraper falling on him
-Resisted mind-control
-Can match Spider-Man in agility and skill
-Defeated Wolverine, Punisher, Taskmaster, and Hulk
Bryant: Deadpool is fast enough to outrun a plane and react to a mutant's lightning, strong enough to pull around a 6 ton helicopter, and survived an explosion calculated to be around 130 tons of TNT.
Thea: He's skilled enough to take on a hundred ninjas at once, while talking on the phone, hit a dragonfly with a rock, resisted mind-control, and he's agile enough to compare to Spider-Man!
Bryant: Deadpool has defeated some of the most skilled fighters in Marvel. This includes Taskmaster, who has the ability to memorize opponent's fighting-styles and counter them almost perfectly. He did this by changing his fighting-style on the fly, to the point where Taskmaster couldn't keep up. This might not seem too impressive, but this is a feat that takes an immense amount of skill.
Deadpool: Yes, yes. Keep piling on the praise.
Thea: His greatest feat is when he managed to find a mask that hid his melted pepperoni face.
Deadpool: Hey!
Bryant: Even despite being one of the deadliest fighters in the Marvel universe, Deadpool is not a perfect warrior.
Weaknesses:
-Rather insane
-Extremely annoying
-Cancer keeps healing factor in check
-Has different phobias
Bryant: Being as insane as he is, he's prone to violent outbursts at random times, especially towards those who can keep up with him. And even despite his healing factor, he can still feel pain, though he does have a high pain tolerance.
Thea: Not to mention that he's so, freakin', annoying! There were so many people who tried to kill him over and over again! And for good reason!
Bryant: It was once stated that his most lethal weapon is his mouth. He will blabber nonsense to distract his opponent until they surrender.
Thea: He's also got a fear of cows and a fear of chickens.
Deadpool: But, like all the sweet little babes in the world, my greatest weakness is my fear of being alone.
Thea: That explains why you act like a clingy ex-girlfriend to-
Bryant: Don't be rude Thea. Deadpool's greatest weakness however, is his own healing factor. Contrary to popular belief, Deadpool's cancer, which was the reason why Deadpool became who he is, wasn't cured by his healing factor. Instead, his healing factor simply replaces cells that his cancer kills. But while his super healing keeps his cancer in check, the reverse is also true. Should his cancer be cured, he will continue to grow redundant new cells, creating horrible growths on his body which will eventually explode. While this never actually happened to Deadpool himself, there have been Super Skrulls who tried to transform into him, only to suffer this fate.
Thea: You know, Deadpool is a lot less kid-friendly his randomness and immaturity makes him look like.
Bryant: Still, one would be a complete fool who knows very little about fighting if they say that Deadpool isn't one of the most dangerous mercenaries in Marvel history. He may not be even close to some of the bigger names in his universe, but he's far from the weakest.
Deadpool: It's the D, to the E, to A D-pool! Deadpoooooooool!
-Line Break-
Bryant: Alright, the stage is set, time to start this dance.
Thea: Battle ready, set, GO!
-Line Break-
A loud snoring could be heard from the outside of an old, rotting building. Inside, Deadpool was taking a nap on a ratty old bed. For some reason, he was cuddling with a white and pink stuffed unicorn. He was sleeping peacefully. Suddenly, the wall was smashed through, waking Deadpool and sending him flying into the opposing wall with a yelp. John stomped a foot down on top of some of the debris.
"Alright Deadpool! Time to get your ass kicked!" he declared.
"Hey! F*ck you! I was dreaming I was cuddling with Chun-Li!" Deadpool complained.
"You think I care? Come on! Let's fight!" John challenged.
"Fine! If I'm quick enough, I'll be able to get back to Chun-Li quickly!" Deadpool said as he whipped out his pistols.
Chaos will erupt from here!
Fight!
"Pineapple surprise!" Deadpool said as he began firing a barrage of bullets. Rock and Creed shot out of John's neck and began swinging at a rapid rate, slapping away the bullets before sending Deadpool through the wall. John charged after Deadpool through the hole of the wall, pausing when he saw that the Merc with a Mouth had disappeared.
"What the hell?"
"Bam!" Deadpool appeared behind him. John turned only to get his legs swept out from under his feet and launched down the street with another kick. Deadpool quickly teleported in front of John and flip kicked him into the air. He teleported again and axe-kicked him into the ground. As John fell, Deadpool teleported again and bent down.
"Aaaaand, Guile!" he said as he slammed a flip kick into John's chin. He was sent flying into the air again but this time stopped himself mid-air.
"Alright then. Take, this!" John yelled as he fired an energy blast at the ground in front of Deadpool. The explosion sent Deadpool flying with a high pitched scream. John shot through the air, creating a sonic boom as he flew towards Deadpool in a Superman pose.
"Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Deadpool whined as he bounced off the pavement before being slammed into by John. John yelled as he grabbed Deadpool by the head and slammed him into the ground. He dragged Deadpool through the pavement before tossing him up and sending him flying with a powerful punch. Deadpool recovered and teleported to stop his flight.
"Wa-ho! Is that all you got?!" Deadpool taunted as he began to do the Shoot Dance. A tic mark appeared on John's head as he witnessed that travesty. Energy balls appeared on his hands.
"No, but thanks for asking." was what he said before hurling one towards Deadpool. A katana flashed and deflected the blast. Deadpool smirked behind his mask at John.
"Try not to suck!" he called cockily.
"Come on!" John said as he hurled more energy blasts.
"Slice slice slice!" Deadpool cackled as he charged towards John while knocking away the energy blasts. John grunted as he dodged a sword swing and countered with a Rasengan-style energy ball to the chest, sending Deadpool flying with another yelp. John grabbed Deadpool by the arm and chopped it off with a swing of his arm.
"Ow! Dude!" Deadpool complained before John cut him off by repeatedly beating him with his arm. Deadpool grunted as his own arm smacked him around before managing to teleport behind John. The former bounty hunter tried to turn, but Deadpool quickly landed a kick to the chin and managed to knock his arm out of John's grip before punching him away. John got back up as Deadpool caught his arm and reconnected it.
"Woo hoo!" Deadpool said as he appeared behind John. He tried to backhand him, only to miss as Deadpool appeared at the other side of him with katanas at the ready.
"Welcome to Chopped!" the Merc cackled as he blitzed John, stunning him. Deadpool appeared in front of him and made a fist.
"You want a present? Shoryuken!" Deadpool sang as he launched John into the air with the infamous uppercut. John grunted as he flew, a small spray of blood coming from his mouth. Deadpool teleported next to him and wrapped his arms around John's head.
"Aaaaaaannnnnd! Slam!" Deadpool yelled as he performed the Randy Orton RKO and slammed John face-first, sending rubble flying. An enraged shout came from the dust and Deadpool was thrown screaming from the cloud. John gave chase, only for Deadpool to counter with a slice of his blades, forcing John to jump back with a growl of anger.
"What's the matter? Can't take the wrath of my swords?" Deadpool cackled as he danced. John growled again. A white light shone from his finger, and John held his fist up, showing his White Lantern Ring as he glared venomously at Deadpool.
"... I've upset you. I can see it in your eyes." Deadpool said apologetically. John created a hand construct and sent it forwards. It grabbed Deadpool and lifted him up.
"Oh chimichangas!" the merc yelped before being slammed down. The hand picked him up by the foot with its index and thumb and tossed him into the air. It flicked Deadpool into a nearby building, causing him to curse and groan as he eventually stood up.
"What's the matter? Can't take the wrath of my ring?" John taunted as he floated into the building. Deadpool clicked his teeth before getting up and pulling out a minigun and firing it towards his opponent. John created a bunker construct, protecting him from the bullets. Deadpool grunted as he pulled out a hammer while charging forwards. He began smashing against the bunker, only for a fist to suddenly pop out of the wall and send him flying out the window at the other side of the building.
"My Social Security Number is 123-00-!" Deadpool's random comment was cut off when he slammed into the ground, sending up a cloud of dust.
John flew out of the building and flew towards the dust cloud, creating a sword and slashing through it. He blinked when he realized that Deadpool was missing. He turned around, only to receive a punch to the face. He grunted as he rubbed his nose before looking down to see that he was hit by a boxing arrow.
"What the-" a blast of energy shot John, sending him flying down the street. Deadpool whooped as he fired a barrage of energy blasts from his pulse rifle. John growled as he created a shield in front of him. The shield morphed to become the front of a train with spikes at the front.
"... Oh no." Deadpool said quietly. The train slammed into him, impaling him on the spikes and slamming him through another building. The train exploded on top of Deadpool, splattering him around the building. John flew in as Deadpool's regen kicked in, restoring his body.
"That, does it!" Deadpool yelled, causing John to pause. Deadpool pulled out his katanas again, spinning them skillfully before taking a fighting stance. "No more Nice Deadpool! I'm taking you seriously now!"
"Bring it on!" John challenged as he created the Dragonslayer from Berserk. Deadpool charged at John who charged in turn. The two collided, slamming their blades against each other. Deadpool suddenly spun, spinning past John and slashing his back. John growled in pain before swinging the Dragonslayer, only to miss the attack as Deadpool teleported out of the way. The Merc with a Mouth appeared with a pair of bolas swinging before hurling the weapon at John. The heavy bolas wrapped around John's legs, causing him to fall on his face. Deadpool did a sweep kick that launched John to his feet before stabbing John with a katana and drop-kicking John out of the building. John yelled as he ripped the bolas and pulled out the katana, letting his healing factor kick back in.
"It's Deadpool tiiiiiiiiime!" Deadpool yelled as he leapt out of the hole, holding his katana over his head. John's tentacles came out and shot towards him as a turret gun construct appeared and began firing at him. Deadpool teleported out of the way and behind John and cut off his tentacles. John growled and roundhouse-kicked Deadpool who teleported out of the way.
Deadpool appeared at John's feet and flip-kicked him upwards, slashing him as they fell down before kicking him away. John landed on his feet and created a gun with his Lantern Ring and fired it at Deadpool. Deadpool used his katana to block the bullets before firing back with his own pistol. John dodged the bullets by taking to the air and created a giant fist. With a shout, he swung the fist towards Deadpool, who teleported to dodge the attack. The fist slammed into the ground, creating a large crater. Debris flew into the air, and Deadpool appeared on one of them. He pulled out a rocket launcher out of nowhere and fired multiple rockets at John. The bounty hunter created a pocket dimension to catch the rockets before shooting a laser at the Merc with a Mouth.
Deadpool teleported over John and slapped a grenade to his back before teleporting away as John swung at where he was. The grenade exploded, sending John rocketing through the air. Deadpool appeared again and axe-kicked John into the ground. John flipped and used his Ring to catch himself with a mattress before creating a flyswatter and knocking Deadpool away. The Merc with a Mouth teleported again, appearing on the ground away from John.
"Stop teleporting!" John yelled.
"Make me!" Deadpool said as he re-appeared next to him and sucker-punched John. He spun and hit John with a tornado kick, kicking John several times. The bounty hunter shook his head to try to recover, only for Deadpool to shoot him in the chest with a shotgun. John was sent flying, and landed on the pavement with a pained grunt.
"Alright then." he slowly said as he got up. He grabbed the Omnitrix on his wrist and activated it. He slammed it down, causing a green light to shine. Deadpool paused before being sprayed by a jet of water. Water Hazard turned the badge on his chest and transformed into Shocksquatch and shocked the water, causing Deadpool to shake as he was shocked too. Shocksquatch turned into Buzzschock and split into four clones. One shot through the water as a current and into Deadpool's gear, shocking it and causing it to short-circuit.
"Oh no! My teleportation belt!" Deadpool cursed. The other three Buzzshocks transformed again. One turned into Articguana and froze the water, trapping Deadpool in ice.
"Oh no, not good. Not good!" Deadpool said as he took out a knife and began hitting the ice. The other two Buzzshocks also transformed with a flash of green light and charged forwards. Four-Arms yelled as he slammed a haymaker into Deadpool and swung him around before slamming him down in a pile-driver, creating a massive cloud of dust. The last Buzzshock had transformed back into John and fired a giant beam of energy. The road exploded and the four clones regrouped. Four-Arms and John high-fived as Articguana gave a grin.
Suddenly, reality seemed to glitch. John frowned as he looked around before his White Lantern Ring shone. He was covered with a white aura and disappeared, leaving his three clones standing around, confused. Suddenly a metal box landed between them and exploded, vaporizing them. The remaining John traveled through the time stream and burst into a different time period.
"Hey there! Next time you try to vaporize a dude, make sure he doesn't have a time-travelling belt on him!" Deadpool said as he twirled a knife between his fingers. His time-travelling gear was sitting on his torso, glinting as though it was taunting him.
"I'm not going to miss this time!" John promised.
"Of course not! With how many clones I got-" an army of Deadpools appeared and gathered between John and Deadpool, all looking as though they were different ages. "-you'd be even more stupid if you miss! Let's see how you can handle an army of future mes!"
"... How many more supers are you going to rip off?" John deadpanned. The Deadpool army charged forwards, and John answered by creating a turret gun and firing it at them. The Deadpools either dodged the bullets or deflected them.
"Kamehameha!" John yelled as he charged up and fired the iconic attack. Some of the Deadpools were sent flying from the attack, but the others continued their charge with loud warcries. John reared back and punched the first one.
"MUDA! MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA! MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA! MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA! MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA! MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA! MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA! MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA! WWWWRRRRRRYYYYYYAAAAAAAAA!" John yelled as he threw the famous barrage of attacks. The Deadpools were sent flying as John charged through them. John spun and threw a powerful kick, sending even more flying. He spun again and took a stance, only to get tackled. Other Deadpools landed on top of him, creating a massive dog pile.
"I got it! I got it!" one of the Deadpools yelled as he pulled off the Lantern Ring and shoved it into his Magic Satchel. A sudden explosion sent them flying, and an enraged John growled as he got up. His tentacles were pitch black, and he roared as he slammed Rock and Creed around, sending the Deadpools flying. John plowed through the Deadpools with a roar, soon coming up to the first Deadpool. He seized the Time Harness and ripped it off.
"Oh… Uh oh." One of the Deadpools said before the entire army disappeared. John turned back to the remaining Deadpool.
"Alright you little sh*t. Time meet your maker!" John said as he made his way forwards. He paused.
"Wait, what happened to the 'to' in my last sentence?" he said as he looked up at the words above him.
"Right here!" Deadpool said as he slammed the 'o' on top of John, trapping his arms against his body. The Merc with a Mouth used the 't' to smack John around before knocking him through the Fourth Wall. Wait, what? Oh sh-
-Line Break-
"Well then, let's settle this the proper way." Amos challenged as Ryu walked past him, causing the sharpshooter to pause.
"...Hmph. Fine. But only because-" Ryu was cut off as something slammed against the train cart, causing the two to fall over. Outside, John grunted as he got up.
"Ow, that hurt." he grumbled.
"Here I come!" Deadpool cheered as he flipped towards John and smacked him over the head with the 't' again. ohn growled and grabbed the J from his name and used it to catch another swing. He hooked the curve at the crossguard and twisted the letters.
"Oh shoot!" Deadpool said before he was sent spinning in the air. ohn used the J to hook Deadpool around the stomach and hurled him through the Fourth Wall.
-Line Break-
FINISH HIM!
Toga smirked before throwing a tubed needle into Hawks' chest, earning a cry of pain before she yanked him towards her.
"Nope!" A katana slashed through the tube, and Deadpool kicked Hawks away before slicing Toga diagonally in half. The two parts fell to the side in a bloody mess.
"Deadpool wins. Fatality." Deadpool said in a deepened voice.
"There you are!" ohn said as he came in and yanked Deadpool with the J. He slammed Deadpool down with a powerful swing before hurling him through the Fourth Wall.
-Line Break-
"You seriously hid in MHA Fatalities? No one reads that." John said as he stalked forwards, having put the J back in his name.
"Oh come on, that kind of fic is the perfect place to hide." Deadpool sniggered as he pulled out his katanas.
Well screw you guys too.
"I think this fight's gone on long enough. Time to end this!" John said. Deadpool took a stance.
"With pleasure!" he said. The two got ready to end the fight. Deadpool whipped out a purple-and-black stone. He blinked.
"Hey! What happened to my stone?"
"You mean this stone?" John said as he tossed and caught the Continuity Stone. Deadpool sputtered.
"Give that back!" he said.'
"No. Instead, I'll use it to take something away! Like say… Your cancer!" John said before snapping his fingers. Deadpool glowed with a purple light.
"Oh. Oh no…" was all he managed to say before his suit began to ripple and stretch out, forming large lumps.
"... This is going to be gross." John said as he backed away.
"F*ck you." Deadpool said before his tumors exploded, sending blood, pulp, and pus all over. John grimaced as he looked at the mess.
"Oh man. Maybe I shouldn't have done that."
You think? Did you forget that you're in the Fourth Wall?
"Oh, right."
You're cleaning this up.
"Oh yeah? Who's going to make me?"
Crusherboy93!
Clean it up John.
"Yes boss."
KO!
Thea: Quick! Do the conclusion before he finishes!
Bryant: Right. Deadpool possessed a couple of advantages over John. Having been as well trained as he is and comparing their universes to each other, he outclassed John in skill and experience. And when comparing the two directly, he clearly also had the advantage in terms of healing ability and durability.
Thea: Deadpool surviving the skyscraper was about 544 billion joules of energy, which is a little more than John surviving 521 billion joules. Which is pretty darn close. And Deadpool's better healing means that he can shake off what John dealt a little more easily.
Bryant: But John held the edge in every other category.
Thea: When comparing their speed directly, while Deadpool's reaction helped him keep up, John will still be landing his hits first. And John's flight helps him keep ahead too. And John was about three times stronger than Deadpool, so even though Deadpool could heal faster, John was still dealing more damage at once.
Bryant: Deadpool's arsenal was certainly big, but he couldn't keep up with the versatility and abilities of both the White Lantern Ring and the Omnitrix. Especially with the many uses that John has with them.
Thea: Yeah, despite having something as useful as a Magic Satchel, Deadpool only really used regular weapons, with a couple of special ones. While John can do stuff like create a train to ram ya with.
Bryant: And John had counters to much if not all of what Deadpool had up his sleeve.
Thea: Time travelling? The Ring got its own time powers. The Symbiote? John has fire spells. Continuity Gem? John can do the same thing. Heck, even Deadpool's usual ace-in-the-hole, the Carbonadium Sword, didn't really do anything.
Bryant: The Carbonadium Sword has been able to counter healing factors leagues above John's own, but believe it or not, John has actually withstood something similar to the Carbonadium Sword before, believe it or not. Recall how John's greatest feat of durability was surviving the energy output of a nuclear factory. Keep in mind, a nuclear factory is dangerous because it's radioactive. If you recall, Carbonadium Swords can counter healing factors because they're also radioactive.
Thea: And even after withstanding the radioactiveness-
Bryant: Radiation.
Thea: Whatever. Even after being hit by the radioactiveness, John's healing factor was still working the exact same way as before. As a matter of fact, his healing factor made sure that he didn't die. So even if John was cut by the Carbonadium Sword, it wasn't going to do anything to him. And Deadpool can be killed by Carbonadium, so John can change into an alien like NRG and hit him with a sh*tton of radiation.
Bryant: Deadpool certainly put up an excellent fight, thanks to skill, experience, and durability, but John's abilities, arsenal, speed, and mobility helped him get ahead of the Merc with a Mouth.
Thea: Deadpool just couldn't take tu-more. Which means that the winner of this WI Battle is John Bertrand!
John: Man this battle was awesome. I wonder who I'll fight next? Maybe someone like Korosensei?
Bryant: Each combatant can only be in a WIB three times.
John: … Wait, what?!
And with that, John Bertrand has finished his third and final What If Battle. Hopefully it was a good match. And I would like to remind the few people other than my friends who read this that I'll be taking requests for different matchups, so long as they are ones that I approve of. As per the usual, leave a review. Azure out!
A loud crack burst through the air, and a bushy haired girl wearing robes and a red and gold scarf suddenly appeared. She looked around at the strawberry fields that she ended up in.
"What is this place?" she wondered.
"Somewhere you shouldn't have come." a voice said. The girl whirled around with a stick at hand. A blonde girl in an orange t-shirt and jeans walked up to her with a bone sword in hand.
HERMIONE GRANGER!
VS
ANNABETH CHASE!