Well not much to say about myself, I'm just me. A video game playing night owl that decided to write fanfiction. I also like puns. And food.

NOTE- I usually leave open ended endings (try saying that five times fast) in my one-shots. IF you want another chapter let me know in the review you weren't planning on making. OR as long as you give me credit I'm fine with you making your own story out of it.

WIP stories:

A New Perspective- Where I decide a big vengeful dragon is not the best Gandalf figure and remove said dragon from Camelot and then replace it with my own horrible Gandalf figure. (Merlin) Tumblr for the people who want to yell at me for not updating: https:///blog/thestoryofalbion

Lost Stories- A drabble series revolving around the Evanuris and one specific member of the family. AU(Not solavellan but lavellan is there. Dragon Age. Will accept prompts.)

Through The Ages- My take on Merlin realizing his small case of immortality. No longer completed. Modern AU, as with all stories I update when the magical writing juices compel me to.

Completed Merlin Stories:

A Chance Encounter-Morgana find Merlin's journal. Merlin goes to London from America because he thinks she's evil. (Modern AU)

Of Lost People and Pebbles- Morgana is being Morgana. Arthur is mourning the loss of his sister on her birthday.

Completed Dragon Age Stories:

A Little Problem- Because I have an unhealthy obsession with dragons.

Sleeping In- Nothing but Solavellan fluff and a Dorian.

Worlds- I'm addicted to Solavellan. Something in the middle of not fluff and not angst.

Rise of the Guardians Stories:

Sandman's Time With Death- A single possibility from a bored brain.

Elder Scrolls Stories:

How does one Grieve- My second attempt at something not happy. Enough said.(Oblivion)

BANANA PHONE! HA.HA.HAHA!

7 reasons not to mess with kids

Reason 1 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

Reason 2 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

Reason 3 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Reason 4 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Reason 5 The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out,”And there’s the teacher, she’s dead. ”

Reason 6 A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face..” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

Reason 7 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want - God is watching the apples.

Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms

2) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

4) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

5) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda

6) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar

7) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy

8) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"

9) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

10) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

12) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!"

13) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

14) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor

15) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental

16) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"

17) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

18) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

19) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bamf!" every time I apparate.

20) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

21) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

22) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.

23) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

24) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.

25) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

26) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

27) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".

28) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.

29) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.

30) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.

31.)I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".

32.)House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

33.) Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.

34.)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.

35.) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.

36.)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing "I Will Survive in the mirror", as it is disturbing.

37.) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.

38.)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

39.) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

40.) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

41.)The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.

42.)I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".

43.)When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

44.)Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

45.)A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.

46.) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “

47.)I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.

48.). I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.

49.)Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.

50.)Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.

51.)Calling the Ghost-busters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

52.)I may not have a private army.

53.) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.

54.)Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.

55.)I am not the wicked witch of the west.

56.) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.

57.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.

58.) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.

59.)I shouldn't use Photo-shop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.

60.)I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

61.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.

62.) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.

63.) - Especially not all of them at once.

64.) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."

65.) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."

66.)Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.

67.)I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.

68.)When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.

69.)Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.

70.)The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.

71.)I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.

72.)Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.

73.)Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.

74.)I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

75.)I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

76.)I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paint-balling.

77.)I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.

78.)I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.

79.)Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.

80.)Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.

81.) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

82.)Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".

83.)I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.

84.). - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.

85.)If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: "The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.

86.) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.

87.)I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.

88.)I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.

89.)I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.

90.)It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.

91.)I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade

92.)I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry

93.)I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall

94.) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

95.) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

96.) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

97.) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

98.) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

99.) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

100.) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

101.)I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

102.) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

103.) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously.

104.) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

105.) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

106.) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”

107.) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

108.) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.

109.) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams.

110.) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.

111.) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.

112.) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

113.) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.

114.) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.

115.) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

116.) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.

117.) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.

118.) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.

119.) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car.

120.) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.

121.) When fighting death-eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”.

122.) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.

123.) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.

124.) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.

125.) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

126.) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

127.) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.