Chapter 12: Happiness Does Not Come Easily
Meredith dutifully kept an eye on Beatrice until Cristina came to get her then she and Sonia went to work. There were more open wounds to suture and a broken finger to splint. All in all it had been a rather slow day, which she did not mind, especially because she had Sonia with her. The woman kept on praising Meredith every chance she got, which made Meredith happy and a bit proud of her techniques. Even if suturing and splinting were not overly complicated things to do, she was still proud.
"Sonia, would you want me to call your daughter? I could try and get her here." Meredith offered.
"That's sweet but she wants nothing to do with me. I wasn't as nice as I am right now when she was growing up. I used to say awful things to her. I wanted her to be tough. We had always been alone. I have no family and her father left when he found out I was pregnant." Sonia explained, her eyes showing the sadness and guilt within. "I was too hard on her and sometimes too cruel. I tried to make it up to her but then I started forgetting and the forgetting got worse. She didn't want to take care of me, which I understand. I do wish I'd had more time." She finished.
"I'm sorry." Meredith squeezed her hand.
She could not help but wonder if her mother would be like this if her lucid spells were longer. If Ellis had time to reflect on things, would that make her a better mother? Somehow she doubted that.
"But Meredith, you did nothing. No need to apologize. Besides, soon I'll be back in my own world. It won't hurt then." Sonia smiled sadly and it broke Meredith's heart.
"You know, when we get the next rotation I'll have a long break since I have the late lunch today. I'll take you on a tour. It'll be great." Meredith tried to smile despite the pain she felt and Sonia nodded.
Meredith was all smiles and laughter as she and Sonia sat at the counter talking about anything and everything, trying to give the older woman some normalcy. The next rotation came and that meant the awaited break came along too. Meredith took Sonia for the tour, showing her the locker rooms first and then their usual hangout spot in the tunnels, where she made her laugh telling her about all the gossip that went on there. She then showed her where the O.R.s were, Bailey almost bit her head off but thanks to Sonia she calmed down. They were walking on the bridge when Meredith spotted Derek on the floor below so she urged Sonia to walk faster.
"Why are you hiding from that man?" Sonia asked as they made it back to the hallway.
"Because I need to tell him I no longer have feelings for him and I don't want to yet. I don't want to deal with that mess." Meredith groaned.
"He seems handsome. What happened? And why would it be a mess?" Sonia asked as they walked.
"Well he kinda hurt me. We were in a relationship and his wife showed up. I had no idea he was married. I was stupid and begged him to leave her but he didn't, which I don't blame him for. She is amazing. She's smart, kind, and beautiful." Meredith said with a silly smile appearing on her face. Sonia smiled at her expression but remained quiet. "Anyway he stayed with her and I tried moving on and he called me a whore. He's too full of himself. Thinks the world revolves around him. His ego knows no bounds. He enjoys the chase I guess. Wants everyone to want him."
"Sounds pretty narcissistic." Sonia chuckled a bit.
"Exactly. Anyway his wife divorced him, which I'm so proud of her for doing that. She deserves better than someone so selfish and self centered." Meredith had never said these things out loud before and as she went she kept on getting mad at herself for not seeing any of it sooner.
"Is he chasing you now that he is divorced?" Sonia asked.
"Yes, which is probably my own fault. I gave him the wrong idea. I think I wanted to love him even after everything because I never thought I could have a chance." Meredith wringed her fingers.
"A chance?" Sonia pushed a bit.
"I am a very complicated person. With very complicated feelings. For extremely complicated people." Meredith chuckled.
"You are falling in love with his ex-wife. With Addison." Sonia looked at her and Meredith stopped dead in her tracks.
"How did you…" Meredith began, completely stunned.
"The way you look at her and the way she looks at you." Sonia smiled.
"But how did you know she was his ex-wife?" Meredith was still confused.
"When you talk to her or about her your eyes get shiny and you smile a lot. You even blush a little." Sonia chuckled.
"I do?" Meredith asked in disbelief.
"How do you think I knew?" Cristina asked as she appeared behind them. "Miss Sonia you're awesome." She winked at the chuckling older woman.
"Does that mean… can everyone tell?" Meredith looked terrified.
"I don't think so? Only awesome people like us can. You know, maybe Derek can too. And that's why he's stalking Satan so much." Cristina mused.
"What do you mean stalking Satan?" Meredith whipped her head hard towards her person.
"Whoa there. I don't know. But he came around twice already today to annoy her." Cristina said.
"Cristina if he…" Meredith started.
"Chill there. I've had her back every time." Cristina said proudly, bringing some relief to Meredith. "Anyway, let's go eat. I want my fries." She whined.
"Right. Sonia, are you ready for the cafeteria?" Meredith grinned.
"I could go for some fries as well. Can't remember the last time I had some." Sonia said sadly and both Meredith and Cristina looked at her quietly until she smirked.
"I get it." Cristina said as she began to laugh, Meredith following suit.
"Alright come on, it's through there." Meredith pointed at the end of the hallway.
Meredith, Cristina, and Sonia walked into the unusually full cafeteria, given the time, and went straight to the line. Cristina was mocking another group of interns with Sonia as Meredith's attention was all on Addison, who sat next to Mark.
"Meredith, move. I need my fries slave." Cristina called.
"I'm not your slave. I'm only getting those because I didn't let you sleep." Meredith countered.
"You didn't let me sleep because of her. If you keep staring at her and don't get my fries or pay attention to us you'll have to get me fries tomorrow and the next day too." Cristina frowned and then started laughing.
"Fine, fine." Meredith said, now keeping her attention on them instead of the redhead.
Trays full of food they scanned the cafeteria in search of an empty table but there were none. Meredith suggested they head back to the tunnels but Sonia seemed to have another idea. The woman made her way towards the table where Mark and Addison sat. Meredith tried stopping her but she ignored her as Cristina chuckled following suit.
"Wait." Meredith whisper-shouted after them.
"Dr. Addison?" Sonia called and Addison turned to look at her with a smile.
"Sonia. How are you doing? I see you have lunch there." Addison smiled.
"Yes. I was hungry and Meredith and Cristina brought me here. Could we sit here? The rest of the tables are taken." Sonia asked innocently as Cristina used her best pleading eyes while Meredith hid behind the two. "As long as this lovely gentleman doesn't mind, of course."
"I would never turn away a beautiful young lady." Mark grinned and motioned for them to sit.
Sonia sat next to Mark and Cristina next to her, which only left the seat next to Addison open. Without much eye contact Meredith took her place next to the redhead as Addison shifted a bit.
"You are sweet." Sonia said to Mark. "What is your name?" She asked.
"Sonia has a fascination with names. Maybe yours represents you." Cristina shrugged as she plopped a fry in her mouth.
"I'm Mark." Mark replied, chuckling.
"Mark has many meanings. Like polite, warring, shining, even hammer." Sonia listed the meanings and Cristina chuckled next to her.
"I like polite and…" Mark began.
"Shining. Right?" Addison smirked and everyone laughed.
"Aww, Red. You know me so well." Mark leaned in pushing her a bit, playfully. The glare Meredith sent him had him backing up and Cristina let out a laugh. "Anyway, Sonia what does yours mean?" He asked.
"Wisdom." Both Meredith and Addison said. They looked at each other and quickly away.
"That's right. My name means wisdom." Sonia started.
Everyone happily ate and talked with the exception of Meredith and Addison. They both ate but did not speak aside from hums and chuckles in the appropriate places. There were a few stolen glances between them but nothing more than that. Every time their eyes met Addison would quickly look away and would scan the whole cafeteria shifting nervously. She was quite fidgety which was completely unlike her. She almost jumped off her seat when someone set a tray down hard on a nearby table and started talking loudly.
"Are you ok?" Meredith whispered.
"Fine." Addison mumbled.
"That's why I call her Red." Mark was saying. The other three seemed to still be deep in conversation and had not noticed her reaction or the whispers, which Meredith was thankful for.
"Sonia, are you ok?" Cristina's concerned voice got the attention from both Addison and Meredith.
"Yes, just a bit tired. It's been a long day." Sonia smiled. Meredith could see the tiredness in her eyes.
"I'll get you up to Beatrice's room so you can rest." Meredith stood up picking up her trash.
"Leave it Meredith. We'll take care of it. You and Cristina go on and take her." Addison called. Meredith's heart swelled as she heard her call her by her name again.
"Thank you so much. C'mon Sonia." Meredith offered her hand and gratefully Sonia took it.
"I had a very nice time, Dr. Mark, thank you for the laughs." Sonia said to him.
"I had the best time. You go get some rest, beautiful." He winked at Sonia, making her chuckle.
"Dr. Red?" She called then to Addison who chuckled and swatted at Mark's arm. "Whatever it is that is troubling you, know that you are strong enough to overcome it."
Addison stared at her stunned, just as much as Meredith was. Apparently, Sonia had also noticed Addison's hyperalertness.
"Happiness doesn't come easy. But it does come. And I'm sure yours is very close." Sonia smiled.
Addison looked at her, her eyes glazing over a bit with unshed tears, and smiled. Her eyes then drifted to Meredith's who looked at her a while before smiling tentatively at her.
"Thank you, Sonia. You go enjoy your rest ok." Addison turned her attention back to the older woman.
"Yeah, let's get you up." Cristina smiled. "C'mon Mer." She called to her friend.
"Right." Meredith's attention went back to the task at hand and the three left.
They got to Beatrice's room and found her to be sleeping so as quietly as possible Cristina and Meredith helped Sonia onto the small bed next to Beatrice. Meredith felt something was off when they helped her lay down.
"I'll go get you a blanket." Cristina said and left quickly.
"Are you sure you are ok?" Meredith asked.
"I'm fine. Just tired." Sonia smiled.
"You're sure?" Meredith insisted.
"I'm certain." Sonia smiled again. "Meredith, promise me something."
"What is it? If you want fries for dinner later I'll get you some." Meredith smiled.
"That'd be very nice. But also, promise me you will fight and be strong. Remember happiness doesn't ever come easily. But once you have it the struggle to get it doesn't matter anymore. Sink your teeth in and hold on." Sonia squeezed her hand. "Promise you will."
"I promise." Meredith smiled and squeezed her hand again.
"If I wake up I may not remember much but know that it was a great adventure today. I didn't see you in surgery but I can tell you are becoming an amazing doctor. So you should be proud." Sonia smiled up at her as she lay fully on the pillow.
"I had an awesome time showing you around. Thank you for keeping me from getting in trouble with Dr. Bailey." Meredith said with a wink and a smile.
"My pleasure." Sonia grinned.
"Here it is." Cristina said, walking in with the blanket and carefully draping it over Sonia. "Are you comfy?"
"Very." Sonia chuckled. "You keep on being fierce, cardio goddess. And keep on being a great friend."
"Aye, aye." Cristina replied with a salute.
"You two dark and twisty girls keep on being each other's persons, ok? You are quite the pair." Sonia smiled at both of them. "Now let me sleep."
"Right." Meredith chuckled a bit.
"Got ya." Cristina pipped in.
They walked out together all smiles and bright eyes until realization completely hit. Sonia had just said goodbye to them because she knew after this she would not remember a thing.
"That's the nicest most awesome lady ever. She knows things." Cristina smiled sadly.
"Yes." Meredith said in a somber tone.
"You ok?" Cristina asked.
"Yeah. It's just…" Meredith began but the knot in her throat kept her from saying more.
"Your mom." Cristina guessed correctly as she always had.
"Yeah." Meredith's voice came soft and weak.
"It'll be ok, Mer. Or rather something good is going to come." She said trying to be as reassuring as possible.
Cristina looked at Meredith who was actually close to tears and she took her hand guiding her to an on-call room. She was not about to let nosy nurses and doctors witness her person breaking down.
Derek had been lingering in the hallway watching as both women entered the room. He waited for Cristina to leave or Meredith to leave. He intended to talk to the blonde by herself so he would bid his time. At least that's what he had planned until he saw Addison and Mark joking around and walking towards the on-call room.
Cristina sat with Meredith as the blonde let out silent tears. She had been fine the whole time until Sonia had said her goodbye. It was as if she were about to die even though that was not the case. Meredith was angry, so angry, the disease was not something she could fix. Mad that the only thing she could do for Sonia, who had given her a few hours of mother-daughter interactions, was just that, give her a few happy hours. She was even angrier with herself for having gotten attached so absurdly fast. And so she cried because at the time there was nothing more she could do. Not for Sonia or her own mother.
After a few minutes there was a quick knock on the door and then it sprung open, revealing Addison and Mark.
"I told you I left it here, just give me a sec, politely shining man." Addison laughed along with Mark until she saw who was inside.
Meredith looked up at her, tears streaming down her face, and she was suddenly overwhelmed, her heart sinking. Mark stood there with worry in his eyes as he looked from Meredith to Cristina.
"What's wrong?" Was all she asked closing the door behind them. Meredith could not speak though so Cristina did.
"We just said goodbye to Sonia. Pretty sure when she wakes she'll remember nothing of what happened." The brunette explained. Addison stepped closer to the two, kneeling in front of Meredith.
"Addie." Meredith whimpered then looked down at her feet. "I'm s-sorry, Dr. Montgomery." She tried again.
Addison flinched as she heard her backtrack. It broke her seeing the blonde like this. Having her be scared of calling her by name. She had done this, to protect her, but it hurt her more than she though it would. Her heart ached seeing her like this. To hear her apologizing when she was doing nothing wrong.
"I-I'm sorry." Meredith repeated as she noticed the flinch from the redhead. "I just… please…" Her voice died out as Addison gently cupped her face.
"Meredith, it's ok." She said as she pulled her into a hug. Meredith shook with the force of her sobs as she finally and completely let go. "It's ok. I got you. It'll be fine." Addison kept repeating as she drew soothing circles on the blonde's back.
Screw Derek, right now she was going to hold her and make her feel better. Besides he would not know what he could not see and she was sure none of the people here would say anything. She needed to figure something out. Anything to keep Derek from hurting Meredith because, dammit, she needed to be close to her. She could take this no longer. It was not fair.
She remembered Sonia's words. The woman had been right. She did have the strength to overcome anything, and she would, she just needed to gather herself. Figure out how to go about it. Mark would believe her if she told him about Derek and Richard would throw a fit if he knew he had threatened Meredith just as much as Miranda would. She just had to be careful that no one lost their heads and made an even bigger mess.
As Meredith clung to her she decided to stop pushing her away. Feeling her slowly calm down only fueled her resolve. At least that was until the door swung open and dread and fear flooded her system at Derek's sudden appearance.
And then there were 12! There ya go, two updates in about 12 hrs is not so bad. Now you see why I divided it. Sorry I didn't post them together. I really needed sleep. Like really. And I know one step forward and then bam I'm sorry. Just be patient k. Thank you for reading and leaving comments and kudos and votes. I appreciate you all. Enjoy what you can. Until next time. ;)