Chapter 17: Blurred Memories

"You two are impossible. First, you practically force us to go home together alone and then you show up here? What the hell?" She had received a mound of texts from both Cristina and Mark, who apparently had her number though she never gave it to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried. McDreary could show up at any time and it's just the two of you." Cristina explained.

"There's strength in numbers." Mark added with a drunken smile.

"Are you both drunk?" Meredith asked them shaking her head.

"I'm just tipsy." Cristina said quickly but her glassy eyes told another story.

"I'm not… I'm a little drunk. But I can still throw a mean punch." Mark smirked.

"Sure, Captain Hook." Cristina retorted.

"You can go be drunk somewhere else. Addison just went to bed and I don't want anything to bother her." Meredith said and was about to close the door on their faces when Cristina burst in.

"I'm staying here and I'll protect my person and her new other person." The brunette announced to a stunned Meredith.

"That couch looks comfy. I'll sleep there." Mark said as he too made his way in and plopped himself on the couch with a grin.

"Fine. You two are insufferable." Meredith huffed, shutting and locking the door.

"It's ok 'cause you love me already." Cristina said heading towards the stairs as Mark hummed.

"Wait. Where are you going?" Meredith caught up with her at the bottom of the steps.

"To Izzie's room." Cristina replied.

"Addison's in there. You'll have to sleep at George's or down here with Mark." Meredith shrugged.

"But…" She began to protest.

"But nothing. I'd say sleep in my bed but I have a feeling that…" Meredith stopped suddenly as she heard Addison's voice.

"Meredith, please!" Her voice came out muffled through the hallway above.

Mark got to them quickly, looking around everywhere and then up the stairs. Meredith bolted up followed by Cristina and Mark. She opened the door slightly and noticed Addison's tear stained face, her eyes tightly shut and stuck between shouting and mumbling her name. She felt the pang in her heart as she understood that the redhead was having a nightmare. She knew what kind of nightmare it was too, which made her feel even worse. She threw a look at the other two for them to leave. Cristina looked worried but nodded quickly and began to leave then stopped, waiting for Mark. As for Mark, she could see the same anger and frustration and just plain sadness she herself was feeling. It was as if he was stuck until Cristina tugged him along.

Once she saw them turning the corner to go down the stairs she entered the room. Addison was still trashing around and calling for her to wake up. It hurt so damn much to see this, to be a witness to what Derek Shepherd had managed to do to someone that had always seemed untouchable. But enough thinking about him, she needed to wake Addison. She had to pull her away from her nightmares.

Gently she placed her arms around her to wake her but that did nothing more than get her to trash around more. This time aside from her name she began shouting for him to let go. Tears threatened to engulf her but she pushed them away. She needed to wake her up.

"Addison." She called calmly but the redhead did not budge. "Addison." She tried again but nothing. She tried shaking her slightly again but nothing.

"Addie, please. Addie, listen to me." She kept trying to ease her out of the dream but nothing was working. What she heard next broke her even more.

"Meredith? Please, don't die. Meredith, don't leave me." Addison sobbed through her dreams and Meredith could not, would not, take that.

Gently she started to sit her up. "Addie, I'm here. Wake up. Addison, wake up!"

That seemed to do it as the redhead's eyes fluttered open. For a second, she seemed dazed but then she began to inspect her as if trying to find some sort of wound or injury. Then she started looking for him asking where he was until she realized it had been a nightmare. The way the redhead had crumpled into Meredith had her blood boiling again but she managed to cool herself down enough to soothe and calm Addison.

After a few more minutes filled with sobs the redhead had calmed down enough to somewhat ask Meredith if they could sleep together. In another moment the blonde would have celebrated such an accomplishment. To be asked to share a bed with her outside of the hospital and in their own time was something she desired but right now all she wanted was to be there for Addison. She only wanted to help her calm down and relax.

They made it to her room and Addison timidly crawled onto bed. Meredith shut the door behind her making her way to the bed next to the redhead. She turned on her side and opened her arms for Addison, who immediately shifted and laid half on top of her. The redhead held onto the front of her shirt bunching it a bit into her fist.

"Thank you." Her voice still sounded so shaky.

"Nothing to thank me for. I should be thanking you for becoming my snuggle buddy. I didn't have one. And before you say anything Cristina doesn't count." Meredith smiled as Addison giggled a bit. "About Cristina, she and Mark decided to stay over. Something about strength in numbers but I'm pretty sure it is because they're too drunk and didn't know where else to go." She chuckled.

"They're drunk?" Addison asked. "And they're here?"

"Yes and yes." Meredith confirmed.

"Did they… hear me?" She asked sheepishly.

"What happens in the Grey house stays in the Grey house. Besides they are our friends and they both know what you went through." Meredith said, rubbing circles along her shoulder blade.

"Ok." Addison said softly.

"Can I ask you something?" Meredith said after a while, knowing perfectly well Addison was still awake.

"What is it?" Addison answered.

"Have you had dreams like that before?" Meredith asked softly. "You don't have to answer." She added quickly.

"Not as vivid as tonight's. No." Addison replied with equal quiet. "But they're still not pleasant. I haven't slept very well lately. But usually I can calm myself down."

"What do you do to calm down?" Meredith asked.

"Umm… well I have something that helps." Addison said, burying her head in the crook of Meredith's neck.

"What?" Meredith pushed, trying to see if it was something she could also get to help her.

"Uh your eh your Dartmouth t-shirt." Addison said softly almost too soft but Meredith caught it.

"My shirt huh?" Meredith smiled.

"Yeah." Addison mumbled.

"That's great." Meredith grinned.

"What?" Addison asked, clearly surprised.

"Well, I was just trying to find out what I could do to help you some more but you are wearing my shirt right now so that may be helpful." Meredith explained cheerfully.

"Oh." Addison mused.

"Mhmm. So you still have it huh?" Meredith smiled up at the ceiling.

"Yeah. Is that ok? I can bring it back and…" Addison started quickly.

"No. No. Keep it." Meredith interjected. She liked knowing that her shirt calmed the redhead.

"Meredith." Addison said after a while. "How come I woke up wearing your shirt that time?" She asked.

"It, well… it's not important." Meredith chuckled a bit.

"Please, tell me. Did I embarrass myself? What happened? Please." Addison lifted her head to look at her with her pleading eyes.

"Fine. Ok, so what's the last thing you remember?" Meredith asked carefully.

"I got bits and pieces. Like, I know I was at Joe's and got pretty drunk. Then there were Izzie's muffins and cupcakes, which in retrospect I probably shouldn't have eaten all that sugar. Then there was the park and I umm I said something about your uh eyes…" Addison stumbled on that.

"Yep, you said I had pretty eyes." Meredith grinned a bit.

"Right uh and then I asked you to come up with me. After that it's blurry." Addison said, biting the corner of her lip.

"Guess I'll fill in the rest."

-Flashback-

Addison waited for her to park the car on a bench in front of the hotel. Meredith covered herself as much as she could from the rain and made her way towards the drunk redhead, who smiled sweetly at her as she approached.

"Ready?" Meredith asked.

"Mhmm." Addison nodded excitedly.

Meredith offered her hand to Addison and the redhead took it quickly. They made their way to the elevators and Addison waved at the receptionist, who gave them a curious look.

"I have a nice girlfriend, right?" Addison asked and Meredith almost tripped over her own feet.

"Addison." She warned.

"You know that's what she was thinking about it. Why not play along?" Addison winked and smiled mischievously at which Meredith let out a sigh.

"Come on." She said as the elevator opened. "What floor?"

"Two-two. Ooh I want a tutu. Can you get me one?" Addison laughed.

"Ok. So 22. Can I have the key?" Meredith asked as they stepped in.

"Look for it." Addison smirked. "It's in one of my pockets."

"Addison. Just tell me where the key is." Meredith pleaded.

"You're no fun, Meredith." Addison whined. "Come on, let's play."

"Fine. What's your room number?" Meredith said as she began to search in her coat and sweatshirt and sweatpants.

"14." Addison simply said.

Addison giggled the whole time she was looking for the key card. The elevator opened again and they were on her floor. They got off and Meredith walked her over to her room.

"Addison, we need the key card." Meredith said once they got there.

"You mean this one?" Addison said as she opened her hand to reveal the card.

"You had it the whole time?" Meredith asked, mesmerized.

"Yep." Addison giggled and proceeded to try and fail to open the door. "Can you?" She offered the card to Meredith, who reluctantly took it.

"I should just leave you out here." Meredith said as she inserted the card and opened the door.

"You wouldn't do that. You're too nice. Way too nice." Addison gushed.

"Right. Let's get you inside." Meredith said, wrapping her arm around Addison's waist.

They stumbled in with a giggling Addison since she thought it was hilarious when she tripped over herself. Meredith walked her to the bed and sat her down. Addison threw herself back and rolled around in the covers until she wrapped herself up like a burrito.

"I'm a taco!" She laughed.

"A soft taco, yes. Yes you are." Meredith chuckled. "How about we get this taco in clean clothes?" She asked.

"No." Addison whined and began rolling around on the bed again.

"Addison. Watch out!" Meredith shouted but it was too late as the bundle that was Addison Montgomery went tumbling onto the ground.

"Ouch." She complained as Meredith worked to untangle her from the blankets.

"That's what you get. Come on up." Meredith said as she finished and pulled Addison to her feet.

The redhead started giggling again and threw herself forward onto Meredith's arms. The blonde held Addison up against her with a flurry of feelings that made her heart begin to beat faster.

"Let's get you changed." Meredith said, quickly pushing away.

"Ok. Pants over ummm there." Addison pointed towards the drawers on the other side of the room.

"Ok. Now can you sit here and wait for me without throwing yourself on the ground?" Meredith looked at her as she helped her sit.

"Yes." Addison said as she shook her head and then laughed.

"Addison." Meredith warned.

"Ok. I'll be good." Addison said with a smirk.

Meredith narrowed her eyes suspiciously at her for a bit before she went to search for some clean pants. She found pajama bottoms and took some, then she found pajama shirts and took one.

"Here." She said placing them both next to the redhead.

"Do you have an undershirt on?" Addison asked out of nowhere.

"What?" Meredith tilted her head in confusion.

"An undershirt. Do you have an undershirt on?" Addison asked again.

Meredith was still confused but looked inside her shirt just to make sure she did.

"Yes. I have a tank top on under this." Meredith said.

"Good." Addison smiled and stood up. "Give." She said.

"I'm sorry, what?" Meredith asked as she steadied the redhead.

"The shirt. Give. It's worn and I like soft worn shirts. I wanna wear it. Give." Addison said as she tugged at the bottom of the shirt.

"Huh?" Meredith was stunned at the request.

"Come on." Addison whined and started lifting it a bit. "You can wear that one." She pointed at the pajama shirt on the bed.

"Addison, this is my favorite shirt. Plus I've been wearing it today." Meredith tried to reason.

"Please." Addison begged. "I wanna feel…" There were tears pooling in her eyes.

"Addison?" Meredith said softly as Addison seemed surprised herself at the tears as well.

"Where'd that come from?" Addison blinked them away. "Please." She pleaded again, the tears clearly forgotten.

"Fine." Meredith said and sat her down as she took off her shirt.

Addison started shedding her layers of mismatched clothing as Meredith gently laid them on top of the armrest of the couch. She was too busy to notice Addison had kept going and was now wearing only her panties. Meredith turned to look at her as she proudly displayed her quarterly covered body.

"Addison." Meredith said and turned around quickly, feeling the rising blush all throughout her chest, neck, and face.

"What? You don't like what you see? I thought I was at least a little bit pretty. I mean I am older than you but I'm not ugly, am I?" Meredith could hear the hurt in her voice and turned, locking her eyes on the redhead's.

"You are stunning, Addison Montgomery." Meredith said, her tone full of conviction.

"Yeah?" Addison asked sheepishly, pulling Meredith's Dartmouth shirt over her head.

"Definitely." Meredith smiled as she took the pajama pants to help her put them on.

Once Addison was all ready for bed Meredith got her to drink water. After some fighting over the drinking of water she tucked her in. Meredith was about to turn to leave when Addison grabbed her hand.

"Stay." Addison said, pulling Meredith onto the bed.

"Addison. I don't think that's a good idea." Meredith said but allowed herself to be pulled onto bed next to her.

"Why?" She asked as Meredith settled and then she reached over her to turn off the lights.

"Because your husband is, well he's…" Meredith began but stopped.

"He's gonna be your boyfriend again?" Addison asked.

"No." Meredith replied quickly.

"Good, then you can be mine tonight." Addison said as she curled into Meredith, her head resting on the blonde's chest.

"I uh… I guess I can." Meredith felt her face growing hot and thanked the heavens the lights were off.

"You're like my teddy bear right now." Addison said and giggled until she abruptly stopped and gasped.

"What is it?" Meredith asked and looked down at her as her eyes adjusted to the dark and could make out the redhead's features.

"You are Mer and you are my teddy bear." Addison said as if she'd had an epiphany.

"Umm." Meredith was still confused by what she was saying until…

"You are Mer-bear. You're my Mer-bear." Addison cheered.

"Addison I…" Meredith tried to stop her from calling her that but she knew any effort would be futile.

"Mer-bear. Mer-bear. You are my Mer-bear." Addison sang.

The redhead kept on shifting and dancing excitedly next to her as she just let out a sigh. Never in her wildest dreams had she expected a night like this with Addison. Granted she was secretly enjoying every second of it. Meredith was a bit lost in her thoughts and had not noticed just how close their faces were to each other.

"Is it weird?" Addison said softly. Meredith could feel her warm breath on her face.

"What's weird?" Meredith asked absentmindedly as she was completely transfixed by the redhead.

"That I sorta want to kiss my teddy bear." Addison said her tone dropping a bit.

"Your Mer-bear." Meredith mumbled.

"Yes, my Mer-bear." Addison concurred inching closer and closer.

Meredith was slowly being consumed by her. A few more millimeters and she would be able to feel those lips and taste the beautiful disaster that was Addison Montgomery. She wanted to kiss her so bad and forget about everything. But suddenly something snapped and she pushed back a bit.

"We… I… you kiss… uh we shouldn't." She stumbled out.

"You are cute." Addison chuckled. "And, really nice Mer-bear." She added, then lifted herself some and gave her a kiss on the cheek before settling back onto her chest.

Meredith felt as though her cheek was on fire after Addison had sweetly planted the kiss. She could feel her heart running a mile a minute and heard Addison giggle.

"Calm down there Mer. And goodnight." Addison giggled and then squeezed her a bit before falling asleep leaving the mess that now was Meredith Grey.

-End Flashback-

The look of pure horror on the redhead's face as Meredith finished the story made her chuckle. Addison was stunned, her gaze fixed on Meredith's eyes, but at the sound of her laughter she seemed to snap out of it.

"I did not do that." Addison said incredulously.

"Yes you did." Meredith confirmed once more.

"I… I can't remember a thing. Well I do remember the soft taco part now." Addison said, a look of embarrassment settling on her features. "I'm so sorry." She apologized.

"No need to apologize. You were drunk. Besides, I don't mind the nickname." Meredith smiled.

"Oh god… I should…" Addison began and started to pull away.

"No wait. Please." Meredith said quickly and now she was sure she was the one to display her terror. "You said not to leave you and I won't. But you can't leave me. Please." She begged as she pulled Addison onto her once more.

Addison settled back on her chest and Meredith relaxed. She mentally scolded herself for telling Addison the truth but she had wanted to know so there.

"I can't believe I behaved like that. I've been so clingy." Addison said after a while.

"I don't mind it one bit. Besides, I think I've been just as clingy." Meredith said with a little smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Thank you for taking care of me then and thanks for taking care of me now." Addison said as she tightened her hold on her, much as she had that night.

"It's my pleasure, Addie. Thank you for taking care of me too." Meredith said.

"I'm not used to having someone do it just because." Addison mumbled.

"It's not just because. You are amazing. I still have no idea how he was able to take things that far." Meredith said. "I would never do something like that to someone like you. I'd always take care of you." She added lightly squeezing her hand which again had the front of her shirt bunched up.

After a few minutes she felt Addison shiver and then felt tears dripping onto her chest. She could not keep herself together then. A light whimper escaped her and Addison shifted so that she could look at her.

"I'm, I…" Addison began but stopped.

"I know. I'm sorry too." Meredith surprised herself with her voice working still as she tried to hold onto the lump on her throat. "I wish… I wish you hadn't had to go through that Addison. I wish I could turn back time and stay away so that he wouldn't have done what he did. Disaster follows where I go. I should've stayed away. I should've-" Addison placed two fingers on her lips.

"I don't think I'd be ok if you had stayed away, Meredith Grey. You are too important to me. He would've noticed that either way and the same thing would've happened. I'd do anything to keep you safe." Addison said as her gentle eyes continued to rely just how sincere she was as she spoke.

"I swear I'll keep you safe, Addie." Meredith said confidently. "I'll always be there for you. I'll be your Mer-bear whenever you need it." She added and felt the slight rumble from Addison as she chuckled a bit.

"You know I think that name came from one of those stories fans write. I read one while I was following a thread from my Facebook." Addison chuckled. "I think it was Hale-bear or something like that."

"Wow. Very creative." Meredith chuckled a bit and wiped away her tears.

"Guess that's part of my charm." Addison chuckled.

"It really is." Meredith said and noticed the redhead yawning again. "Why don't you try to relax and sleep again? I'll be here whenever you wake up." She smiled.

"Promise?" Addison said softly.

"Promise." Meredith smiled brightly and then yawned herself.

"You need sleep too. Are you sure you don't mind me here? I mean, I don't want to leave but if you need me to I will." Addison rambled.

"None of that. I want you here so you stay right there and we can both sleep." Meredith said as she carefully wrapped her arms around her.

It was not long before they were both asleep. Light snores echoing in the room as the moonlight continued to spill in. Addison slept soundly without any more nightmares for the night. They were so comfortable that neither stirred and they just slept. The sleeping bliss lasted all of 5 hours until the ruckus downstairs woke them again.

Meredith groaned as she heard Cristina shouting at who she supposed was Mark. Addison giggled a bit as she had woken a few minutes earlier a bit scared from the noise.

"I'm gonna kill them both." Meredith grumbled as she got up.

"Can I watch?" Addison chuckled next to her.

"Definitely." Meredith said, sitting up. "Let's go kill two idiot surgeons." She said standing up and offering Addison her hand.

"Let's." Addison took her hand and followed after her down the stairs.

As they made their way to the kitchen they could smell the scent of fried eggs and bacon. Suddenly Addison heard the rumbling in her stomach and felt the heat on her cheeks as Meredith gave her a grin. Once they made it to the kitchen they found Cristina huffing and puffing as she sat on a stool and Mark making breakfast.

"I'll kill you both. It's 4 in the morning." Meredith said dryly.

"Morning sunshine." Cristina grinned. "Well sunshines." She added as she smiled at Addison who gave her a small smile.

"Neither of you are ever staying in my house again." Meredith grumbled.

"Sucks for you. I have a key so I can come whenever I want." Cristina pulled out her keys and waved them at Meredith.

"Morning, Red." Mark smiled. "Dirty Mistress." He nodded at Meredith who nodded back.

"Hi, Mark. Are you making omelets?" Addison asked.

"Oh yeah." He beamed.

"He's burning omelets. He doesn't want to flip it." Cristina huffed.

"Trust the process, Yang." Addison said and threw a look at Mark.

"See? That's what I told her." Mark smirked at the brunette.

Before Cristina could protest Mark flipped the omelet in the air with a flick of his wrist and then did it again and again. Addison smiled as the other two girls looked at him in awe. Mark then server the first omelet and gave it to Cristina, who eyed it suspiciously.

"Go on. Have a bite, nonbeliever." He said and she reluctantly took a bite.

"Is not too bad." Cristina shrugged but kept on eating happily.

"Not too bad." Mark repeated. "Anyway, Red, the usual?" He directed towards Addison.

"Yep." Addison smiled and then looked at Meredith who gave her a questioning look. "That means bacon and cheese and peppers." She smiled.

"Oh. Can mine be like that too?" Meredith asked.

"Of course. Two house specials coming up." Mark said cheerfully as he set to work.

It was weird being here with Cristina, Mark, and Meredith. Especially after everything that had happened but it also felt nice and weirdly familiar as if it were something they had always done. She felt a gentle tug on her arm and looked at Meredith once more. The blonde motioned to the table and then they went and sat waiting for their breakfast.

They ate happily and together cleaned everything up. There was no mention of her nightmare, thankfully. She really did not want to explain or talk about it. Soon they were both left alone as Mark and Cristina left for the hospital. Both still a bit apprehensive about leaving the two alone but with Meredith's assurance they seemed to calm down. Once alone and having locked up everything Meredith turned to her. She could see her tired and sleepy eyes and chuckled.

"You think we could hang out on the bed with the blanket and our eyes closed?" She asked.

"It's your house. Your rules." Addison smiled.

"I'll do what you want to do." Meredith said.

"Naps might be good." Addison said as she too was tired and ready for another session of snuggles and sleep.

"Great." Meredith smiled and took her hand gently tugging her up the stairs. Addison went willingly it had been one overwhelming day and night. The few hours she had managed to sleep before had been amazing and she needed some more of that. If Meredith was up to giving her the peace to sleep she would gracefully accept it.

And then there were 17? Yes 17! Woot woot. Hope you enjoyed. Especially all of those who had been asking about what happened during Addison's drunken adventure. Anyway thanks for all the comments. You guys spoil me. Keep going hehe. Until next week ;)