Chapter 18: Christmas In July?

Meredith awoke to the high noon sun slipping through the curtains, the light scent of vanilla flooding her senses. She smiled as she opened her eyes to find a tightly tucked in redhead sleeping peacefully in her arms. She felt whole having Addison there with her, in a tangle of limbs. Like nothing else mattered but her. She wished and hoped she could keep her this way for a long while.

If someone had told her when the fiery redhead arrived that this would be how they would be after a year she would not have believed it. Of course the moment she saw her she was drawn to her but when she learned who Addison was everything got so complicated. Even looking at her hurt. But she got the chance to know her. Little by little the redhead carved her way into her mind, her soul.

Having her here now it just felt right. However, thinking about the reasons she was here right now. The reason why she clinged so tightly to her made her feel guilty. Derek had hurt her mentally and physically and while she was safe and nothing had been broken she was still hurt. Sure he had not done anything that would have landed Addison in the hospital yet the trauma was there. She felt every time the redhead had had a bad dream. The way she would stiffen and sometimes whimper in her sleep. The quiet whispering of her name and his.

She felt Addison shift slightly and looked at her, waiting eagerly to see those beautiful blue green eyes. A few beats later and they fluttered open. She saw the silly smile turn into a confused frown, then the realization in her eyes, and finally back was the silly smile accompanied by the hint of blush on her cheeks.

"Morning." Meredith smiled.

"Morning." She grumbled.

"Did you get enough rest?" Meredith asked.

"Mhmm." Addison nodded, still looking sleepy.

"Are you sure?" Meredith chuckled as a yawn escaped the redhead's lips.

"Yeah." Addison said quickly the blush growing deeper by the second. "I-I… thank you." She stammered a bit.

"What for? The nap?" Meredith tilted her head.

"No for umm… I know I had nightmares." Addison said softly. "Did I keep you up?"

"No. You didn't keep me up. I slept rather well." Meredith said with a wide grin.

"Liar." Addison rolled her eyes and chuckled a bit as Meredith made a shocked face.

"I would never." She gasped.

They heard the front door slam shut and almost immediately Addison tightened her grasp on her. Meredith smiled and tapped on her shoulder. Addison gave her an apologetic smile and lessened her hold.

"It's just Izzie and George." Meredith said with a gentle smile.

"Right." Addison mumbled and as soon as she was done her stomach grumbled.

"Sounds like someone's hungry." Meredith giggled a bit as Addison began to flush once more.

"Sorry." She said softly.

"Sorry? I'm starving. We could probably order something or… today is Thursday!" Meredith exclaimed excitedly, beginning to untangle herself a bit from Addison, who let a bit of a frown onto her face.

"Ok." Addison just looked at her confused. "And you are excited?" She tilted her head.

"It means it's special offers day." Meredith got up. "Which means food is already here. How do you like pizza?" She asked as Addison sat up.

"What?" She tilted her head and Meredith began to giggle again.

"Thursday means specials and specials mean pizza… so it's a good thing you are hungry. C'mon!" Meredith smiled as she took Addison's hand and pulled her up from the bed.

The redhead stumbled a bit but Meredith's strong arms steadied her. Their eyes connected faces a few inches from each other. Both stood completely still as they stared and stared, the world around them stopping. Meredith began to lean in slowly and she could feel Addison shiver as their breaths mingled together.

"Mer! Dr. Montgomery! Pizza!" Izzie knocked on the door, startling both of them.

"Coming!" Meredith called as she looked at Addison.

"Y-you were r-right." She stammered out.

"Told ya." Meredith said with a nervous laugh. "Alright then. Let's go." She added as she moved towards the door.

"How'd she know I was here?" Addison asked once she got over their almost moment.

"Cristina." They both said together.

"Yep." Meredith chuckled as they both walked out of the room.

They made their way down and saw Izzie and George walking around with their own boxes of pizza. Meredith smiled at Addison with an I-told-you-so kind of look. The redhead shrugged and rolled her eyes playfully.

"Morning!" Izzie chirped as they noticed the two.

"Uh hello." George greeted awkwardly, with a slice of pizza in his hand.

"It's not morning." Meredith pointed out.

"You just woke up." Izzie said.

"From a nap." Meredith explained.

"Was it dark when you went back to bed?" Izzie asked.

"I suppose it was a little dark but…" Meredith started.

"Then, good morning." Izzie grinned as she interrupted her.

"Good morning." Addison smiled.

"How are you Dr. Montgomery?" Izzie said as she passed them a box of Italian sausage pizza.

"I'm doing well." Addison said as she grabbed the plate Meredith gave her. "But you can call me Addison. Technically I'm in your home so the formalities don't apply here."

"Alright then, Addison?" Izzie tried using her name, sounding a bit nervous.

"Perfect." Addison smiled.

"Addie, are you sure you want the only sausage? You can have some of the one that's sausage and bacon. There's also plain cheese or pepperoni." Meredith said as she opened all the boxes.

"That's a lot of specials." Addison chuckled. "I'll do the bacon and sausage one, Mer." She smiled as she moved her plate towards the blonde.

"Can I call you Addie too?" Izzie smirked and Addison snapped her head towards her.

"I umm… well that nickname…" Addison began to explain.

"No." Meredith said pointedly to Izzie and the blonde chuckled a bit.

"Fair enough. I do like calling you Addison." Izzie smiled and walked over to the table with her pizza.

"Well, I'm going to bed." George said. He had been stuffing himself the whole time.

"Did you even eat?" Meredith asked and he proudly showed her his empty box.

"See you tomorrow." He called as he ran up the stairs.

"Bye, Georgie." Izzie called back.

"Shut up!" He shouted from the second floor as the girls laughed in the kitchen.

Addison and Meredith ate as Izzie told them about her night and the surgery she had been able to watch. She also informed them that Derek had been by the chief's office early in the morning to formally present his letter of resignation. Addison tried not to think about it too much and just ate. It seemed Meredith had noticed her uncomfortable state and redirected the conversation back to surgeries. After a while and having eaten to their fill, Izzie left them as they went to the living room.

"So… how about a movie?" Meredith suggested as they sat on the couch in a bit of an awkward silence.

"Yeah." Addison nodded.

"What kind of movie?" Meredith asked.

"I don't know." Addison shrugged, eying the stack of dvd boxes, specifically the batch of Christmas ones.

"Are you… do you want to watch a Christmas movie?" Meredith asked with a smirk.

"No… I uh, only if you want to." Addison said sheepishly.

"Fine, but I pick which one, because Izzie has a few overplayed ones. Also Christmas isn't my thing." Meredith said, kneeling down and looking through them.

"Ok." Addison said excitedly.

Ultimately after being stuck between Elf, which she said was obnoxious, and the Polar Express, which one of her Europe friends told her to watch, she picked the Polar Express. Addison smiled brightly as Meredith put it in and turned to look at her trying and failing to suppress her smile.

"So Christmas is your thing?" Meredith asked as she sat next to her.

"You could say that." Addison grinned and turned to the tv once the movie started. "I also haven't seen this one yet."

They sat in comfortable silence, watching the movie. Meredith kept on inching closer to her, which honestly she did not mind at all. Not even halfway through the movie the blonde was close enough to her that Addison was leaning on her. However, there was something else she wanted to do but was a bit nervous about asking.

"Meredith, can I… uh…" She began but stopped.

"Hmm?" Meredith nodded for her to continue.

"Can I…" Addison tried once more but stopped and went back to looking at the TV.

"Addison?" Meredith asked, placing her hand on her thigh.

"Never mind." Addison let out a nervous laugh, and started beating herself over it. She was pretty much a nervous wreck now. Why did this have to be so hard? The worst thing that could happen would be a no and a no was not going to kill her.

"Tell me. This isn't like you." Meredith bent slightly as she searched for her eyes.

"Hah." Addison scoffed. "A lot of things aren't like me lately." She gave her a sad smile and saw her sadness reflected on Meredith's eyes for a moment before the blonde blinked it away and smiled.

"Well, you can ask me for anything, Dr. Montgomery." She said with a light smirk.

"I want to lay down, Dr. Grey." Addison smirked a bit as well.

"Oh, we can stop the movie and I can get you all set up in my room again." Meredith offered.

"No, I mean here." Addison tried to explain.

"Oh, ok. I can go sit over there and you can take the couch. I can bring you a pillow or you can use one of the cushions." Meredith started to get up but Addison stopped her.

"No, Meredith…" She groaned. "I want umm…" Why was it so hard to ask for something so stupid?

"Why don't you lay your head here?" Meredith tapped her lap and gave her a smile.

"Yeah?" Addison smiled at her assertiveness and laid down once the blonde nodded. Soon Meredith's fingers were brushing through her hair and she let out a content sigh.

"Was that so hard?" Meredith chuckled.

"Be quiet." Addison mumbled.

"Fine." Meredith said as she continued to run her fingers through her red hair.

They continued to watch the movie, Addison lying comfortably on Meredith's lap and Meredith absentmindedly playing with her hair. As the movie ended Addison sat up looking at her with a beaming smile.

"I take it you liked the movie." Meredith smiled.

"I want a sleigh bell. I bet I could hear it. You might. Maybe." Addison giggled a bit.

"Hey, I'm not a total scrooge." Meredith protested.

"No, just a bit of a Grinch. Aren't you?" Addison chuckled.

"One day my heart may grow three sizes. But that only depends on one person." Meredith smirked smugly.

"Who?" Addison asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Meredith raised her brow and gave her a look that made her shiver slightly and lean towards her.

Meredith started to lean in as well and they found themselves in each other's space much as before. The blonde's hand gently cupped the side of her face and Addison found herself leaning completely into the touch. Then Meredith moved forwards, her forehead touching Addison's and the redhead's breath caught.

Their lips were inches from each other's. Just a bit more and she would feel her lips. The thought of it was overwhelming. She was so close, their noses touching now. She continued to stare into Meredith's eyes, getting lost in them. She was about to give in, about to just let go, when a face popped into her head. A face that terrified her now, that froze her.

Quickly and abruptly she pushed off a stunned Meredith and stood, pacing the length of the living room. The blonde stood and stopped her. She could see the fear and guilt in her eyes. But this was not Meredith's fault, none of it was.

"Addie, I'm sorry." Meredith's voice trembled slightly.

"Not your fault. I'm sorry." Addison felt a lump raising and shoved it down.

"It is my fault. I-I shouldn't have." Meredith started to apologize again running her hands through her hair. Addison caught them and gently brought them down.

"It's ok." She said as calmly and soothingly as possible. Meredith's bottom lip quivered a bit but she nodded and gave her a small smile. "Good. Now I think it's best if I go home." Addison said as she let go of the blonde.

"I… are you sure?" Meredith asked and she nodded. "Is it ok if I drive you?" She asked.

"Of course." Addison smiled. "Let me go change. I'll leave your shirt on the bed for you." She added.

"Keep it. You like it." Meredith gave her a tiny smile.

"Really?" Addison asked.

"Mhmm. Do what you need to do and we can go." Meredith said as she went to the kitchen.

After a few minutes Addison was ready to go, wordlessly they got in the car. The silence that filled the car ride was deafening but neither spoke until they got to the hotel. It felt familiar, watching Addison climb out of the car however this time around she did not look back or ask her to stay. But Meredith could not leave it like that and before Addison closed the door she spoke.

"Can I walk you up?" She asked quickly.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." Addison smiled.

"Just… please? I just want to make sure you make it to your room ok." She asked and waited.

"I'm a big girl, Meredith." Addison raised a brow and smiled.

"Please?" She begged again.

"Ok." Addison relented.

"Right, let me park. Wait for me there." Meredith pointed at the same bench Addison had sat on after her drunken adventures.

The redhead did as she was told and sat on the bench waiting for Meredith. The blonde made it to her and they walked in together quickly getting in the elevator. Again the silence between them was deafening and almost unbearable but she made do with standing a bit closer to the redhead. The ding of the elevator startled her, which made Addison chuckle and throw a side glance at her. Once at the door Addison stopped and turned to her.

"This is it." She said.

"Right." Meredith nodded.

"Thank you for letting me stay with you." Addison smiled.

"Any time." Meredith said quickly and smiled.

"I'll keep that in mind. Goodnight." Addison said and quickly opened the door.

"Goodnight." Meredith said back and with that the redhead closed the door.

The whole ride home was filled with her continually badgering herself. Why had she been so stupid? This was too fast. Addison had barely gotten a divorce. Derek was still somewhat in the picture. She had just gone through some awful things. Why had she tried to do that when clearly all Addison needed right now was a friend? She needed a person.

When she got home she started doing what she always did when she was down in the dumps and angry with herself, she started to clean. She cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the living room, tidied up her mother's surgical tapes, cleaned the bathroom, folded some laundry and put some more in the wash. She had managed to spend her whole afternoon and evening cleaning.

"Meredith, what are you doing?" Izzie asked groggily as she was vacuuming the carpet in the hallway.

"Cleaning." She snapped.

"Go to sleep or something, that's too loud." Izzie groaned and Meredith threw her the dirtiest look possible. "Geez, what the hell is wrong with you? Where's Addison?" She asked.

"Not here." Meredith huffed.

"Oh." Izzie simply said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Meredith bit.

"Nothing. Why don't we go down and eat some dinner or something?" Izzie suggested.

"Not hungry." Meredith replied.

"Meredith." Izzie rolled her eyes.

"I'm not hungry." Meredith repeated shutting off the vacuum.

"Fine." Izzie shrugged.

"Fine. I'm going to bed." Meredith said and turned to her room, slamming the door shut as she went.

After throwing herself on the bed she turned to look at the blinking clock. It read 10:30 and she was actually proud of herself. She had cleaned a whole lot in five hours. At least something good came out of her crappy mood. She turned again and this time faced the ceiling as she brought a hand to the empty space beside her.

She needed to let her anger and frustration simmer down. She felt bad for being so snippy with her friend but she would apologize to Izzie later. First, though, she needed to stop beating herself over what had happened. It was normal, right? She felt so much for Addison and she was also certain Addison felt something for her. Everything she had done for her was proof of it.

Meredith had seen it, the glimmer of desire, of need, of want. She had seen it in Addison's eyes as clear as day. They had been so close and then a shadow flashed past the redhead's eyes, pulling her away.

Her phone buzzed next to her and she glanced at it seeing the message was from Mark. She ignored it and went back to staring at the ceiling but it buzzed again. She glared at the phone as if it would do anything to it. She wondered why he would be texting her, they had nothing in common but Addison. Once that dawned on her she reached for the phone looking for the messages as it buzzed a third time.

Incoming Text McSteamy

10:55 p.m. -Dirty Mistress I know Red isn't with you-

10:57 p.m. -I gave her your phone number-

10:58 p.m. -Here's her's. Just in case ;)-

She smiled at the phone and sent a quick thank you then saved Addison's number. Pretty soon there was another buzz from another message.

Incoming Text McSteamy

11:00 p.m. -I can send you a picture to go along with it.-

Meredith rolled her eyes and shook her head at that, picturing his smug smirk.

Outgoing Text McSteamy

11:01 p.m. -Go away, Sloan.-

Incoming Text McSteamy

11:01 p.m. -Right. You'd like that pleasure. I see you, Dirty Mistress ;)-

Meredith rolled her eyes and opted not to reply. She just stared at her new contact and sighed, placing the phone down and pulling the pillow Addison had used to her face. She smiled as she breathed in the hint of vanilla the redhead had left behind.

"Time." She whispered. "All I need is time." She smiled. "And to apologize to Izzie."

Falling asleep had been rather tough for her. She missed Meredith's warm arms around her, keeping her safe. It had been just the one night and almost a day but she missed her so much. The fear, though, had prevented her from staying. Prevented her from giving into Meredith's pull and kissing her like she wanted.

Derek's face, his voice, kept resurfacing in her head even when she tried to push them both out. She wanted Meredith, she wanted her more than she had wanted anything else. But she was afraid. Afraid of what Derek might do, could do. He was an unknown entity now. She did not know him anymore, could not anticipate his actions as she used to. Somewhere along the way she had stopped knowing him. He had stopped being who he was and turned into this monster led by rage.

That monster he had become was the reason she had had such a hard time falling asleep. The reason why she was not with Meredith. She had managed though, and from the exhaustion, even after sleeping for so long, she slipped fitfully into sleep.

Addison groaned as her phone woke her up. She had half a mind to just let it ring but she was a surgeon and surgeons do not have the luxury of ignoring their phones like that. So sleepily she patted along her bed and onto the nightstand, where the phone rang.

"Hello." She answered without looking.

"Hello." Derek's voice woke her up.

"Derek? This isn't real. You're just a dream." Addison said as she tried to pinch herself to check but the pain registered and her mouth went dry.

"Aww honey. You're dreaming of me? That's nice. Does Meredith know that while you sleep with her you think of me?" He laughed.

"What do you want?" Addison found her voice.

"Nothing. Just to check on you." Derek replied. She wished she could see his face. Just so that she may know what he was thinking but then, she did not know him anymore.

"If that's all…" Addison began.

"Don't be like that. I'm trying to apologize." Derek interjected harshly.

"I don't need your apologies. Go apologize to someone else." Addison said and was about to hang up when his voice stopped her.

"To Meredith? I will." He said and with that the call clicked off.

Addison sat up, throwing the phone, and started to panic. He would not do anything to Meredith, right? Not now. Not after everyone had found out who he was. He would not compromise his career to pursue some vendetta, would he?

She got up quickly and picked up her phone, scrolling through her contacts until she reached Meredith's. She was oh so grateful to Mark for giving it to her. She dialed and waited impatiently for the blonde to pick up. After a few rings the groggy voice of Meredith Grey flooded the line.

"Hello?" Meredith said.

"Meredith?" Addison called.

"Addie? Are you ok?" Meredith's concern clear in her tone.

"I'm fine. Have you talked to him?" Addison asked.

"To who?" Meredith asked.

"To Derek. He said he was going to…" Addison began.

"What do you mean, 'he said'? Addison, when did you see Derek? Did he come to bother you? Mark is on the same floor as you isn't he? I'm gonna tell him to stay with you. Just…" Meredith started freaking out over the phone.

"I didn't see him. He just called." Addison interjected. "Don't call Mark. Derek isn't here."

"Are you ok?" Meredith asked again.

"I'm ok. I think I'll just take a shower and sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." Addison said quickly.

"Addie..." Meredith started.

"I'm fine, Grey." Addison interrupted again. "Bye. See you tomorrow." And with that she hung up.

Placing the phone back on the nightstand she took a few deep breaths before heading to the shower as she had said. She stood under the warm shower a while, trying to relax. Meredith was ok. She was sleeping and Izzie and George were at the house so she was not alone.

After a few minutes she got out and decided to wear Meredith's Dartmouth shirt and pajama shorts. It did not smell like lavender anymore because she had washed it but it was good enough for her. As she was walking out of the bathroom she heard a knock on the door. She backed into the bathroom, her heart beating violently against her ribs until she heard the familiar voice through the door.

"Addie. It's me, Meredith." Meredith's muffled voice had her breathing a sigh of relief and she walked over to open the door.

"What are you doing here, Grey?" Addison asked.

"Not Grey. Meredith or Mer. But not Grey." Meredith frowned.

"Meredith…" Addison let out a puff of air.

"I'm coming in." Meredith announced and walked past her.

"You can't just barge in." Addison said, putting her hands on her hips.

"I just did. And…" Meredith brows rose as she looked at Addison. "You look great on my shirt." She shrugged and sat at the edge of the bed, which had Addison scoffing.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and poked her head outside, scanning the hallway.

"Addie." Meredith called, grabbing her attention. "He's not here. It's just me." She said as she moved towards her again.

"Right." Addison mumbled and Meredith closed the door for her.

"How about some more Christmas movies?" Meredith asked, pulling out some dvds.

"At 2 am?" Addison asked with a smirk.

"Yes at 2 am." Meredith shrugged. "Ready?"

"I guess." Addison relented trying to keep the smile from forming.

"Yeah. I thought so."

And then there were 18! Look at that. I think my multichapters are too long. What do you guys think? Honestly.

Anyway, thanks for being patient. Writer's block is a thing. We should have a foundation or something. Until next time ;)