Chapter 22: Trials of Pain

Her knuckles were white as she closed her hands into tight fists on her lap, her nails digging into her skin. She was concentrating heavily on her breathing as she had practiced with the therapist. It was almost working, she was almost calm. However, almost, was not enough and she kept getting angrier at herself and her anxiety.

Her eyes locked on the wooden door next to the stand where the judge would be. Next to where she would be testifying if it was needed. At least that's what the lawyer had told them. Pictures should be enough but just in case he had prepared both her and Meredith to take the stand. He would also be coming through that wooden door in a few minutes.

The courtroom had mostly cleared out after the previous hearing. Now, only her friends and his family remained. Bailey had been very upset over not being here with them but Richard needed someone he could trust back in the hospital since he and Mark were here with them. What had the resident somewhat calm was that Cristina had promised she would send updates as soon as she could.

Amelia had come to say a tentative hello before settling next to Carolyn and Kathleen, who kept sending dirty looks. She could care less about her and her idiocy. Besides, she was too nervous to even care about it.

Her leg kept on bouncing and she suddenly started to chew on the inside of her cheek. The anxiety and fear building up higher and higher. She could no longer hear Mark breathing beside her. Her own breaths and heartbeat filled her ears, silencing everything else. A tap on her thigh made her snap out of it and turn to Meredith.

"Hey." Meredith spoke softly.

"Hey." Addison replied in equal tone.

"Is it…" Meredith began and bit her lip.

"Meredith?" Addison asked, growing concerned. All her attention shifted away from the door and the trial, honing on the blonde nervously biting her lip.

"Can you hold my hand?" Meredith asked sheepishly.

"Hold your hand?" Addison tilted her head in question but as she looked into her eyes she understood.

"I just… I need to fe…" Meredith tried but grew flustered.

"You need to feel that I'm here. That he doesn't have me. That I'm safe." Addison said knowingly.

She understood because that was exactly what she was wanting to do. Derek had threatened to hurt Meredith and he had managed to do it. She just wanted to feel her warmth in her hand. She had a thought that it would calm her. She had meant to ask earlier but her anxiety overtook her.

"Yes." Meredith muttered, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Addison managed a smile and opened her hand, offering it for her to take. Meredith's whole solemn expression washed out as her face lit up with a smile when she took her hand. Cristina chuckled lightly next to Meredith, making Addison's attention shift to her as well as Meredith's.

"I'm glad you're here to hold her hand 'cause I don't hold hands." The brunette shrugged, making both Addison and Meredith chuckle lightly.

"Behave, ladies." Mark said beside Addison.

"You behave. You've been ogling the stenographer the whole time we've been here." Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. "How many times have you made her blush?"

"I don't know but it's fun. Let's make it a game." Mark said with a smug smirk before they all began to chuckle.

"Children." Richard warned behind them.

They grew silent for a moment before they started to laugh again. They were still sobering up when the wooden door flew open and in shuffled Derek, cuffs on his hands and feet. Addison squeezed Meredith's hand and the blonde did the same. Neither could contain the gasps that escaped their lips as they took in the state in which Derek was in.

His hair was a bit unkempt and his stubble had grown in. But that was not what had everyone dead silent. He wore bruises on his face and there was a cut above his brow. His knuckles were also bruised and there were scrapes up his arms. He had clearly been beaten while he had been in custody. Still though, what made everything worse was that despite the clear injuries the man was smiling his usual smile. There was a glint in his eyes as they crinkled at the corners.

Addison could feel a chill running up her spine and trembled ever slightly. She was losing her focus but the gentle squeeze on her hand and warmth shifting closer helped her breathe. She watched as Derek sat down not once looking their way before the judge walked in and the bailiff motioned for everyone to stand.

After they sat back down the trial began. Both lawyers presented their arguments and their evidence. There was a video showing Derek walking out of the supply room where he had attacked Addison as well as the video from when he attacked Meredith. The footage along with the many photos showing their injuries and Cristina's testimony were used by their lawyer. The judge seemed not to need much more than that so neither Addison nor Meredith had to get up to the podium to testify.

It had come as a welcomed relief when the lawyer turned to them to tell them. Still Addison was a nervous wreck, stealing glances at Derek. However, he never turned to look at them or his family at all. Their lawyer had just finished giving her closing argument giving way to defense to make theirs.

"You honor," Derek's lawyer began. "Dr. Shepherd has always been an outstanding member of the community. He is an accomplished neurosurgeon from whom people travel all over the world to see. There must be a certain pressure coming with being the best." He continued. "From what we've seen today, all the evidence and testimonies, it is evident that Dr. Shepherd must've caved under that pressure. Being a surgeon of his stature than having your wife cheat on you and suddenly follow you takes a toll. Wouldn't you say, your honor? Imagine having this job and coming home to your wife being serviced by another man."

"That fucking asshole." Mark seethed quietly.

"Remember, he's trying to get a ride from us. Stay strong and quiet, Sloan." Richard whispered.

"Then when you think you can move on your wife shows up and starts to take away the one person you thought would make you happy. We must also take into account Dr. Shepherd's past. His father was murdered in his store, while Dr. Shepherd and his sister were in it. Experiences like that could crack and almost break a person. Dr. Shepherd…" His lawyer kept on going until Derek spoke.

"Cracked? Broken?" Derek said, his smile still in place. "I'm neither of those. I am perfectly fine."

"Dr. Shepherd please take a seat and allow your lawyer to continue." The judge said as he brought down the mallet.

"He's saying I'm broken. That's not true. You know what should be broken?" Derek asked and then turned to them. "Your neck." He pointed at Addison and smiled. "I should've done that, instead of slamming you against the shelves. But then if I had done that I wouldn't have gotten to hear the delicious sounds you made. It was fun watching you struggle, watching you writhe in a bit of pain." He was chuckling as he spoke and suddenly stopped his expression growing disappointed and sad. "But then you took that away. I wanted you to fight back but you didn't. Instead you said that you'd do anything so that she would be safe. Kind of pathetic if you think about it. Like really Addison was there no one else? Could you not find another person? Was Mark's dick not enough?"

"Enough." Meredith grumbled, making him laugh.

"Typical, whore defending a whore. You know you were actually stronger than that little bitch. You stood up to me longer. I would've liked to have more encounters with you. Maybe I could've helped you remember what you liked about me so much." He flashed his smile at them and his eyes shifted down to where their hands met.

"Derek, please sit down." His lawyer spoke as Derek rose and started making his way towards them.

The court guards moved to stop him as the judge ordered them to. Mark stood blocking Derek's view and Cristina did the same. Addison started panting a bit, as she completely lost control of her breathing. She could feel Meredith squeezing her hand trying to help her calm down.

"Let go of my Meredith. She is mine!" Derek yelled. "Let go of her you slut. I should've killed you that day. I should've hurt you more! I saw Meredith's blood. Let me see yours, Addison. I want to touch it. I want it to run down my arms." He continued, Addison could hear the struggle in front of them.

"Derek, stop." Carolyn cried. "Why are you doing this? Please."

"Mommy. You're here mommy. They took her from me. They took my perfect woman. She wasn't gonna cheat on me. She wasn't like Addison. Tell them to give her back mommy. I want her mommy. Mommy!" Derek yelled and snarled at spots, sounding completely deranged.

It was clear the one brilliant surgeon and amazing man was fading away. His words started to become incoherent. As if his thoughts had become fragmented. Addison shut her eyes and leaned into Meredith, who wrapped her arm around her.

"Guards! Escort Dr. Shepherd back." The judge barked.

"No mommy! I don't wanna go. That slut! I want her blood. I want Meredith. I'll have her. I'll have them both. Right, Mommy? Right?" Derek yelled and kicked as the guards dragged him away. "Let me go. I don't wanna go back there. Mom! Mommy! Addison, please! I'll be good. I can be good. I can!"

She could hear his shouts even after the door had been shut. Mark kneeled in front of her, his hand squeezing her knee. She opened her eyes to find his and Cristina's eyes on the both of them.

"It's ok. He's gone." Mark said.

"Yeah, you guys are ok. Both of you are here. Everything's fine." Cristina added and Addison nodded shakily.

Addison looked to the other side and found Carolyn crying in Amelia's arms as Kathleen looked on as if she had seen a ghost. She supposed that would be the reaction you get when you find that the person that you thought was a hero was actually a monster. A squeeze on her hand had her turning back to Meredith, who looked as shaken as she felt.

"Almost there." The blonde whispered.

"Almost there." Addison whispered back.

Addison and Meredith sat outside in the hallway with Richard. Mark had gone to get them coffee and Cristina had stepped away to call Bailey with the updates. Richard was blabbering about procedures trying to get their minds to go elsewhere but despite his attempts it was not working. Mark and Cristina would have done a better job but they were not there. They felt bad though, so they nodded and hummed whenever it was necessary.

"Addison?" Amelia called, snapping her attention away from the chief.

"Hey." Addison said softly.

"Hi." Amelia attempted a smile. "I just wanted to say bye. I'm taking mom home. It hurts too much for her to be here right now." She explained.

"Yeah, I bet." Addison sighed. "Are you ok?"

"Shouldn't I ask you that?" Amelia gave her a sad chuckle. "I only wish… I wish he'd go back. There was a time when he was… he used to be good. He used to be." Her voice shook a bit.

"I know." Addison gave her a small smile as a tear slipped down her cheek. Meredith brushed the tear away and leaned against her, making her do the same.

"I'm glad you're both safe and he wasn't able to do anything else to either of you." Amelia said, smiling sadly. "Anyway, I'm gonna go. I'll see you at some point maybe."

"Bye Ames." Addison said followed by Meredith.

After the young Shepherd walked away Cristina came back with Mark, carrying a tray of coffee for everyone.

"Can you believe we had to have them make new coffees because they got cold while he was flirting with the cashier?" Cristina huffed as she passed everyone their cup.

"This is why you're not a better spy half pint." Mark rolled his eyes. "Always telling secrets."

"Stop calling me that." Cristina glared at him.

"Again. Almost as scary as Satan but not there yet." Mark shrugged.

"Don't call her that, Sloan." Meredith grumbled beside Addison.

"Oh. Ok, you two cannot spend any more time together." Mark frowned.

"Why?" Addison tilted her head in question.

"Because she already has the glare down. Like, damn." Mark looked at Meredith with mocked fear.

"Shut up." Meredith muttered as she sipped on her coffee.

The group laughed a while and conversed trying to ease the tension that kept on building up as they waited for a verdict. After a few more minutes their lawyer appeared with a smile on her face.

"Dr. Montgomery. Dr. Grey. We won. Sentencing will also be done today but you don't need to be here for it. I'll give you a call once everything is settled." The lawyer explained. Everyone had gone quiet until Richard spoke.

"What could he be sentenced to?" The chief asked and everyone turned to her awaiting her answer.

"It may vary. He technically committed two type B felonies, which can lead up to 10 years in prison." She explained.

"But that won't fix him." Addison said abruptly as she stood up. "He… he could get out in 10 years and come right back."

"There is the possibility of sending him to a psychiatric facility if the judge resends his ruling and deems him incompetent to stand trial." The lawyer said.

"But that means he would be found not guilty." Meredith said softly, looking down at her hands.

"Yes." The lawyer replied.

"But that's…" Cristina began.

"I could speak with his lawyer and the judge. We could get him to St. Peter's Correctional Center. They have a psych ward on site. We could make it so he has regular check ups." The lawyer suggested.

"Do that." Meredith said and Addison nodded in agreement.

"Alright. I'll give you a call once everything is done." The lawyer smiled.

"Sounds good. Let's get you two out of here. You need some rest and some relaxing time." Richard said with Cristina and Mark humming in approval.

"Ok." Addison said, offering her hand to Meredith, who quickly took it.

They had been at Meredith's for about thirty minutes when they looked at each other and knew they needed to go without uttering a word. Their silent conversation consisted of the annoyance of having everyone there, hovering over them. Izzie's and George's continued questioning and the sad eyes Richard gave them made things a bit unbearable. Aside from Bailey's comments about Derek and Alex's grunts of approval. Thus after a few glances and more nods they knew they would be spending their night back at the Archfield. Away from everyone and their questions, and sad eyes, and conversations.

Cristina and Mark helped finagle their way out of Meredith's house without anyone saying they would follow. The two of them did however accompany them to the hotel. It was because of their persistence that either of them ate something before they received the call from the lawyer. The judge it seemed had agreed to St. Peter's Correctional Center, where Derek would have to work with a psychiatrist daily.

Their friends left them in the room saying that one word from them and they would be there. Addison had showered first and now Meredith had gone to the shower leaving her sitting on the bed. The redhead kept flipping through channels mindlessly, not bothering to really look. She sat at the head of the bed, her back on the headrest in Meredith's Dartmouth shirt. Stuck inside her head, lost as she began replaying all that had happened in court and everything that had led up to it.

After a few minutes Meredith came out with a towel on her hand, trying to dry her damp blonde hair and wearing Addison's Yale long sleeve shirt. It was funny watching the petite blonde walking around in it. Addison had purposely gotten it a few sizes bigger just so she could wear it alone with her underwear or short shorts.

"What's funny?" Meredith asked as she made her way to her.

"Meredith, I think I'm going to have to get a smaller Yale shirt for you." Addison smiled.

"What? Why?" Meredith asked, looking down at the shirt.

"It looks like you have a dress on. That's what I meant it to be for me, you definitely have a dress on." Addison chuckled lightly.

"Well I'll wear the dress. Thank you very much." Meredith said as she sat at the edge of the bed.

Addison smiled to herself as she watched her still trying to dry her hair. They were quiet for a while and she could feel the blonde's brain taking her into overdrive. No one could blame her. Could they?

Today had been the culmination of a long and windy nightmary road. They both saw the man they had once thought would be their one completely fall from his pedestal. Derek had gone down a spiral with no apparent return. He went down and had taken pieces of them along with him. Pieces she still was not sure she would get back.

Meredith's shoulders slumped ever so slightly and that set her in motion. They were here. They had survived him. The blonde had been so strong through everything but she had seen the crack today. He had left a crack that was starting to widen. She needed to fix that crack or at least stop it from getting worse.

She crawled on the bed towards Meredith wrapping her arms around her. She could feel the sigh that escaped the blonde as she sank into her, her back to Addison's front.

"I know you're not ok." Addison began. "I'm not either. But…"

"You're trying." Meredith finished for her. "Me too."

"Good." Addison replied softly.

"He was beaten up." Meredith muttered after a while.

"Yeah." Addison said.

"Am I a monster?" Meredith asked.

"Why would you be a monster?" Addison asked back.

"I felt… I felt sad for him. Watching him like that. Am I a monster for having sympathy?" Meredith asked and she noticed her lip quivering.

"If that makes you a monster then I'm one with you." Addison said. "You loved him once as did I. That's not something that can be erased so easily. Even after everything he's done." She offered.

She understood Meredith. Knew exactly what she was feeling because she herself was feeling it. A bit pathetic of her to even concern herself with the man that had been terrorizing her.

"We're not pathetic, Addie." Meredith said as if reading her mind.

"I guess not. We may even be strong." Addison said her head resting on her shoulder.

"We are strong." Meredith said as she leaned her head onto hers.

"Thank you." Addison said softly.

"What for?" Meredith asked.

"For saving me." Addison squeezed a bit and Meredith's hand found its way to her cheek, caressing her skin softly.

"Addison, you saved me." The blonde began. "Without you I would have most likely kept on falling. The path I was taking was only leading me to more pain, more suffering. I was about to drown, unknowingly. But you, you swooped in and turned everything upside down. And I'm so grateful for it. I'm grateful for you."

"So I was your life vest?" Addison hugged her a bit tighter.

"You are my lifeline." Meredith said as she sank even more into her.

Addison felt her heart flutter along with the sudden whirl of butterflies swarming her stomach. She was certain the blonde could feel her head beating against her back. But right now she was not nervous about it, about showing Meredith how much of a mess she became with her. Right now she did not mind at all, especially when she could feel Meredith's heart beating uncontrollably in the blonde's chest. However, despite their wants for each other there was something Addison needed to do. Something she had to fix about herself.

"Meredith?" She asked noting how small her voice got.

"Yeah?" Meredith said back, concern bleeding into her tone.

"There's something I need to do." Addison started. "I want to try and be on my own." She felt Meredith shift slightly. "Like at night." She added quickly. "I just want to see if I can be ok by myself. It's not that I don't want you here. I do, really. But I need..."

"I understand. You want to regain your independence. I get it. I want that too. But can we start tomorrow?" Meredith asked sheepishly.

"We can start next week. I need you here now. If that's ok." Addison replied.

"It's great. Also, since we're doing that you should say goodbye to this shirt until I can sleep next to you again." The blonde chuckled and she chuckled along with her.

"Addie?" Meredith said after some time.

"Hmm?" Addison hummed in response.

"I want to do this right." Meredith began and she felt her tensing up. "Only if you're ready though."

"Ready?" Addison asked.

"I uh you remember when I told you I'd be your friend?" Meredith asked and she nodded. "Do you still need me to be just your friend?" Addison chuckled lightly at the question. "This is serious Addie." She whined.

"I don't need you to be just my friend, Mer." Addison smiled and kissed her cheek softly.

"Then I want to do this right." Meredith began. "I want us to start over. I want to go up to you and ask you out on a date. I want to pick up some coffee for you. Maybe bring for you some of Izzie's muffins. Go for walks or runs or just sit at the swings. I want to do everything with you." She rambled on. "Only if you're ready. I'm ready. I've been ready. But I know you needed time and..."

"Ok." Addison smiled.

"Ok?" Meredith bounced off the bed in celebration as Addison watched her smiling brightly.

Addison stood and put her hands on Meredith's shoulder to keep her from jumping around much more. Meredith's baby blue eyes found hers immediately and she stopped, still a smile illuminating her face.

"Hi, I'm Addison Montgomery." She said, sticking her hand out for Meredith, who quickly took it into her own. "And you must be the woman who's meant to mend my broken heart."

And then there were 22! And down goes Derek. Hope you guys enjoyed this. Sorry about not updating last week but I did give you guys some stuff to read. Anyway, thanks for following with we're almost at the end. Stay awesome and until next time. ;)