The Mother and The Mother
4th Story in the Series
A/N: Welcome new and returning readers! Please feel free to read the summary below if you would like a refresher on what has happened so far!
#1 The Mother and The Captain – Captain Janeway meets a daughter she's suspicious of and the young woman seems to return those feelings. Gretchen Janeway prevents her mother's future murder by going back in time over 30 years to Voyager Season 5.
#2 The Daughter and The Captain – Janeway's traumatized daughter is overwhelmed by the consequences of changing the future and falls into a deep depression. After an almost disastrous mission to steal Borg transwarp coils, Kathryn and Gretchen agree to work together professionally. Gretchen is put on probation as both a punishment for her rogue actions and a safeguard against self destructive behavior.
#3 The Captain and The Captain – Voyager's bad timeline is explored when current Voyager is trapped in the same deadly area of space that destroyed it in Gretchen's future. Gretchen struggles violently with visions of her past but she and Janeway ultimately unravel the mystery behind The Rift. After escaping, Voyager crosses the threshold of the Beta Quadrant.
This story begins about 3 months after "The Captain and the Captain". Gretchen Janeway is known to most of Voyager's crew as Ensign Gretchen Kincaid. She still suffers from visions of her own timeline, brought on by a Klingon herb meant to cure her nightmares. Kathryn and Gretchen get along, but are not sure where they stand as family.
This series is overall a hurt/comfort mentor one. It is meant to be a slow burn "realistic" take on changing the timeline and Janeway having an adult daughter she didn't raise. If you like Janeway I hope you'll appreciate the deep dive into her character. Not much can reveal us like having children, and Janeway has to do what's almost impossible here, get Voyager home as Captain, and become a mother to a highly traumatized young woman. Both mother and daughter will be deeply challenged by each other, by the past, and by the journey.
Summary of Gretchen's Timeline as Revealed in "The Captain and the Captain":
Gretchen Janeway is born to a married Captain Janeway and Chakotay 16 years after Voyager arrived in the Delta Quadrant. Gretchen grows up close to Tom and B'Elanna and their children: Miral, Mary, L'Naal, and Thomas. When Gretchen is three, Tom and his daughters suffer an alien attack on the holodeck, which kills Miral and leaves Tom mentally handicapped.
Gretchen is close to her father, but distant from her mother who becomes increasingly rigid as she struggles to keep Voyager afloat. When Gretchen is twelve, Kathryn Janeway is murdered by former Equinox crew member Marla Gilmore, in revenge for Marla's two infant daughters who died due to the inadequate medical care in the Delta Quadrant. The event leaves Gretchen permanently scarred.
A few years later, Voyager enters "The Rift" a hellish area of space which it never escapes from. When Gretchen is 17, an epidemic rips through Voyager's crew which can only be cured by a very rare metal. Voyager's older generation sacrifices themselves so that their children can live.
Gretchen is one of eight who survive treatment sane and becomes Captain of the tiny crew, while Mary Paris becomes her First Officer. Thomas Paris becomes Security Officer and L'Naal Paris becomes Chief Engineer. The team continues attempting to escape but after years of trying, Mary Paris is murdered by an alien inhabitant of The Rift. Her sister L'Naal becomes enraged and leads a mutiny which gets Voyager all but destroyed. Thomas Paris and Gretchen Janeway are the last survivors and hatch a desperate plan to change the timeline and get Voyager home, starting with when Voyager first encountered the Equinox. Thomas Paris reveals at the last minute that the technology is unsuitable for two people and sacrifices himself so that Gretchen can return alone.
The Mother and The Mother
10 Months After Gretchen Arrives on Voyager
"As her husband I'll need your signature to release the coffin into space. Those were her wishes."
Chakotay nodded dejectedly at the Doctor, and reached out for the official datapad.
"You're going to put mom off the ship in….in that?" said Gretchen desperately, the 12-year-old staring at the cold metal of the cylindrical coffin next to them. Her fingers itched, and she reached out instinctively in the direction of the hand on the other side of Sickbay, covered by a thin blue sheet.
"It's what she wanted, baby," said Chakotay's hazy voice, staring at the datapad, and not turning around to see her.
"But I don't want her out there. She ought to stay with us, daddy," pleaded the girl, voice breaking, grabbing the man's jacket and staring up at her father.
"It's an old Starfleet tradition," he said distractedly, "Burial in space. Like burial at sea."
"What?" said the girl in confusion.
"That's how they used to bury sailors in the old Earth days," said Chakotay, still staring at the official datapad, movements slow and vision blurry, "Tom was buried in the same way….you just don't remember because of the concussion L'Naal gave you…it's how all of Voyager's crew has been said goodbye to. She's the Captain. Your mother is….was….very proud of her heritage….we can't take that from her, it's the last thing we can do for Kathryn….She loved Starfleet more than anyone I've ever met."
Gretchen turned to face the covered body, tears forming as she imagined her mother's face, soon to be taken away from her. But she nodded, trying to be Starfleet herself, and failing miserably as she dissolved into sobs.
"Take care of Voyager," echoed her mother's last words to her. She did not understand.
She still didn't understand…..
The adult Gretchen Janeway awoke on Voyager's Ready Room couch, gasping for air. She twisted quickly to stare at Captain Janeway's desk, but it was too early for the woman to be at her post.
Gretchen held her head in her hands for a moment, reminding herself that Captain Janeway was in fact alive, that they were getting along, and that they were over 2 months into the Beta Quadrant, thousands of light years and two decades away from Marla Gilmore, her mother's murderer, in a future that would never happen now.
She breathed in repeatedly, wondering, not for the first time, if she should agree to be put in a medical coma for several months, in order to stop the intense memories that a habit forming Klingon medication had caused.
Maybe when we get a little farther, thought Gretchen, It's been reasonably safe so far, but….I have no idea what the Beta Quadrant holds. This is so much farther than we got in my timeline…..If something happens while I'm under, I'd never forgive myself…..Besides, I had nightmares before the herb…..I can handle this…..I can handle this…
"I have good news," said Captain Kathryn Janeway triumphantly three hours later, walking into her Ready Room confidently, almost bouncing on her toes.
"What is it?" said Gretchen, standing up, and doing her best to hide her tiredness, "Did you find coffee in the latest nebula?"
"Better," said Janeway smiling.
"Better than coffee?"
"Yes," said Captain Janeway, "A way to contact home. Seven's found a micro wormhole. We'll be there within a day."
Gretchen looked at her outwardly surprised, and feelings inwardly numb.
"Not a way home mind you," said Kathryn, "But a way to contact Earth again. It's the first time since you joined the ship. I've got some interesting letters to write," she added smiling.
"Don't feel obligated," said Gretchen, "I'm sure they'll all be confused. I'm fine with just being your new Ensign."
"I feel like we had this conversation before," said Kathryn persuasively, "And I haven't changed my mind."
"You were hallucinating," said Gretchen disapprovingly, "That telepathic monster was affecting your judgement. I knew something was off the whole time. Your family will not be pleased to find out you've been gone less than six years and somehow have a 25-year-old daughter."
"I thought you were 24?" said Kathryn in surprise.
"I had a birthday."
"You didn't tell me," said Kathryn, voice hurt.
"That's not the point," said Gretchen, voice raising to pull the conversation back as she lost control of it.
She breathed in deeply, facing Kathryn, but avoiding her direct gaze.
Gretchen spoke evenly, "You don't need to tell them because I have no intention of staying on Earth, if we do get back to Earth. When we pass through the Klingon Empire I'm heading to Kronos. Or if we don't head that way, or I need to stay longer on Voyager I'll take the first ship I can."
Gretchen gulped, "I made Thomas a promise, and I intend to keep it…..Besides," said Gretchen, finally looking at Kathryn and distressed to see her eyes were, if anything, more pained, "You do realize the Federation might try to jail me? I'm a walking violation of the Temporal Prime Directive. However righteous that might be, I have no intention of going quietly. If I'm still alive when we get that far, the Klingons won't care about my past. And I can live out the rest of my life in the Empire."
Janeway shook her head, voice forceful, "You don't need to worry about that. We're not in the habit of turning away those in need. The Temporal Prime Directive applies to actions by the Federation or the possession of time technology. You don't have a time machine anymore, or the means of making one. You're a temporal refugee so to speak. And one of my best officers," said Janeway fondly, "I did look into this, in case I needed to take…..unique actions in this situation…..and the precedent is clear. By virtue of having at least one human parent, you're automatically a citizen of the Federation. And Federation citizens can't be jailed without a trial. A public trial, which would cause far more temporal problems than letting you go free."
"What about a court martial? Those aren't always public."
"You don't have a Starfleet commission. Voyager by itself has no right to commission new personnel. Everyone on this ship who wasn't Starfleet personnel when they left the Alpha Quadrant isn't now. They're emergency personnel, which isn't the same thing."
"Doesn't that mean they can't be charged with certain crimes, like high mutiny?"
"Technically yes, but don't give them any ideas," said Janeway jokingly, sitting down at her desk, "But that's all once they're off the ship. The Captain has a lot of leeway for anyone currently on their own ship. Especially in circumstances like these."
"Oh I know," said Gretchen evenly, coming forward almost against her will.
"Like," said Janeway, quirking a smile, and putting her fingers together in front of her, "Ordering an Ensign to send a letter to the Alpha Quadrant."
"What?" said Gretchen, betrayal in her voice.
Janeway held up a hand, "It doesn't have to be to my family, or Chakotay's. I get that that's your personal life. But you're still on restrictions for your actions on the Borg Sphere, and it's my duty to see you don't fall into habits like that again, isolating yourself. It's this ship's goal to get back to the Alpha Quadrant, and you're on it."
"So I'm ordering you," emphasized Janeway, voice serious, but eyes still smiling, "ONE letter to the Alpha Quadrant. To someone specific who lives there. It can be anyone, your choice. But find someone. The whole quadrant is at your disposal."
"Al….alright," said Gretchen, nodding, and leaving quickly when Janeway gave her permission, face contorted in confusion as she left.
"So who are you going to write?" said Tom Paris, suddenly joining Gretchen in the hallway after her morning shift in Astrometrics.
"How do you know about that?" grumbled Gretchen.
"Did you forget that I'm the nurse in charge of your care now?" said Tom smiling, "Your Psychological Wellness, General Health, and Recreation Coordinator Under Physician and Chain of Command Officer?"
"We have to stop letting Tuvok name things," said Gretchen, rubbing her temple, "So Janeway was serious about this being part of my punishment?"
"Don't look at is as a punishment, look at it as an opportunity," said Harry, joining in with them, as was normal, as they headed to the Mess Hall for lunch.
"And you know about it because?" prodded Gretchen.
"Because Tom tells me things, and generally never shuts up," said Harry.
"Did you tell the whole ship Tom?"
"Not the whole ship….," said Tom leadingly, as the three entered a turbolift, "But only because most of them still aren't supposed to know you're from the future. It might be kind of hard to explain why someone who's supposed to be from the Alpha Quadrant, doesn't want to write anyone, not a single soul, there. I mean you could at least write your supervisor, on the super secret mission you're supposed to have from Starfleet."
They excited the turbolift and quickly entered the Mess Hall. Neelix was serving a circular green substance that hissed and smelled like burnt rubber.
Tom wrinkled his nose and gagged and Harry and Gretchen did their best to keep a straight face as they sat down to eat.
"You can write my parents," said Harry helpfully, as he let his food air out, "I'm sure they'd love to hear more about our lives here. You can just talk about me, if you don't want to talk about yourself."
"I don't want to start any rumors," said Gretchen firmly, "They'll think we're dating or something. I can't tell them the actual circumstances."
"That's….probably true," said Harry sadly, "I….never heard from Libby the first time we made contact. I know they didn't have a lot of time to respond. And it must have been a shock to find out I wasn't dead. But you'd think she'd rush to write her fiancée."
Tom and Gretchen exchanged a glance.
"What about your father's family?" said Tom, addressing Gretchen again, "If you don't want to write your mother's."
"His parents are dead," said Gretchen, "And I never met my aunt."
"Did you meet your mother's family then?" said Harry in surprise.
"My grandmother was already gone but I met my mother's sister," said Gretchen, her voice turning nostalgic, "On vid-screen a few times. She was fun, she promised to greet me with a stuffed bear twice my size when we got back home."
Tom and Harry laughed. "So why don't you write her?" said Tom.
"I'm a little old for a gigantic stuffed bear," said Gretchen, shaking her head, "Kids are easy to accept but….she wouldn't understand. I can't say I'd do any better in her place….I just….can't take any more rejection right now."
Harry nodded quickly and interjected again, "What about someone at Starfleet Academy?"
Gretchen looked at him in surprise, "Why would I write someone at the Academy?"
"Lots of interesting subject," he responded, "The best minds in the Quadrant. It was a little intimidating at first, but I loved learning from all my professors. They're good people. And they'll understand your….circumstances."
"That's….not a bad idea," said Gretchen, "I guess I have a while to think about it."
She took a bite of the green blob and chewed it pensively, "Who are you all writing anyway?"
"I'm writing my parents," said Harry, "And….Libby."
"I still think you should give your family a chance," said Tom.
"You could set an example if that's what you want." said Gretchen defensively.
"I didn't almost get Voyager's Captain and Chief of Security killed on a Borg Cube. I'm not obligated to write anyone. And I'm not going to," said Tom, voice easy, even as his eyes were serious, "But I've dealt with my father far too many times. You've never dealt with your family, they might surprise you."
"Maybe I'll write your father Tom," said Gretchen sarcastically, "Tell him about the torrid affair we're having."
Tom continued to smile, but his eyes were distant, "Make up whatever you want. You cannot disappoint my father more than he is already disappointed in me."
"I'm sorry, I mean…."
Tom's eyes came back, "If I can rail you about your parents, you can rail me about mine. No harm done. But point taken, you'll write who you want. When you want to. As long as it's in the next three days."
Gretchen groaned.
Captain Janeway tapped her fingers at her Ready Room desk in thought that evening. Everything was going well. The first letters to the Delta Quadrant would go off later that night. The route was longer than usual and quite slow for interstellar communication, but with any luck they would hear from Starfleet Command by morning.
It's been a long time since we had this opportunity. And it's only the second time since we were stranded.
Last time it was the first time we had been able to hear from our family and friends. They learned we weren't dead and….we learned a lot of things …..I guess I won't be writing Mark this time…..
Janeway sighed deeply.
There are professional letters to my friends and colleagues at Starfleet….like good old Owen Paris, I'll enjoy writing those.
Janeway smiled fondly. A moment later her face turned sad and she looked at the wall distantly.
Then the hard letters, deservedly hard, the letters to the families of my crew members, the ones…..who didn't make it.
Two tears leaked out from Janeway's eyes, and she wiped them away forcibly.
That time will come but, right now I need to write this letter.
I don't want to write this in the loneliness of my quarters. And I need to get it out before Gretchen comes back here to sleep.
Kathryn tapped her fingers impatiently, breathed in deeply, and then began.
Dear Mom,
It's been, almost 2 years since I last wrote you hasn't it? I can't believe it, it seems a million years ago, and like yesterday since I heard from you, and since I was home.
A lot has happened in 2 years. You probably already know this, but we've made it to the Beta Quadrant. It's unbelievable. Over 30 years of travel completed so quickly. I would say we were lucky but there's a story behind that. A very strange story.
I don't know how to tell you this but…..I have a daughter, named after you, Gretchen. Not a baby, a young woman who came back from a future where Voyager never made it home. I guess….my crew and I got close in our travels. Well, more than close…..
Sigh, it's a little strange isn't it? I look at her face and her coloring and I see myself….and him. Is that how you felt looking at Phoebe and me? Except you were…..involved with my father already, and I'm not, I'm not at all. Maybe I'd like to be but…..
Delete, thought Kathryn, turning red, Delete, someone else might see this. I did not mean to say that.
Is that how you felt looking at Phoebe and me?
When she first got here I was so suspicious, and then she was so wounded. I was just trying to keep her going, to watch her and make sure she didn't break. To keep her alive.
And I'm still trying. She's had a very rough time. She keeps me on my toes. But it's strange looking at her now, I'm starting to really realize she is my child, my daughter.
I miss you and Phoebe everyday. I'm doing what I love, but I want so badly to see you both. To see Earth and the farm and my dog. (I may have to steal her back from Mark when I get home.)
It hurts to think Gretchen might not come back to Earth with me. She's stubborn, just like all the Janeways before her. I may have to go haul her back from some Klingon world so that she can see her family and Indiana.
I love you.
Your daughter,
Kathryn
That was rambling, thought Kathryn, but I got it said.
Now for the easy one.
Dear Phoebe,
You're an aunt.
I have a time traveling daughter from the future.
I knew it would be weird when I signed up for Starfleet.
You can stop laughing now.
Love,
Kathryn
P.S. I hope you're okay. Give mom a hug for me. I miss you.