"What is it?" said Janeway urgently as she entered Sickbay.

"I'm not sure," said the Doctor, shaking his head in dismay, "But the brain patterns on 20 patients suddenly spiked, dangerously, erratically…..it doesn't make any sense."

"What can you do for them?"

"Well," said the Doctor, "They've gone back to normal now."

He looked at her conflicted, "I could wake them up…..but I don't even know that that would solve it…..and we have the K'Terrans to think about. I'll do it if I have to but….."

"Do we know what caused this Doctor?"

"No," he said firmly, and she could see his confusion, "I have no idea. It's only been 10 minutes or so since it started…..but I've already run several diagnostics….I can't see any reason for it…..they seem healthy, the power supply is good…but if this had continued…..they would have died."

"And it was so many of them," he continued, shaking his head, "I can see one crew member having something strange….an undiagnosed health condition, an allergy, a psychological aversion to being put under…..an outlier, like Gretchen. But 20 crew members at once?...It has to be something with the stasis," he frowned very deeply, realizing the consequences of his words.

"Maybe we went through a brief section of subspace again," said Janeway, "Maybe there was a glitch in the system you can't detect. Get Seven down here, and B'Elanna. Right away. Tell them exactly what happened and have them run every diagnostic they can think of."

"Yes, Captain, right away," said the Doctor, still frowning.

Three hours later B'Elanna came to Janeway's Ready Room alone, "We found some strange power fluctuations Captain. It's possible that pulling so much energy from Voyager's systems is what caused this. Seven and Gretchen, and some of my other engineers are working now on designing a system with more redundancies ….it'll be a huge amount of resources," continued B'Elanna, handing her a datapad, "We'll have to work round the clock for weeks. But I don't know of any way we can avoid it. I certainly don't feel safe with the system the way it is now."

B'Elanna grimaced and Janeway knew she must be feeling guilty as well as worried.

"This is a new system B'Elanna," said Janeway, raising up a hand, "We both know no matter how much you test, some problems are unforeseen. We're tackling it now, that's all that matters."

"I'll bring you the specs when we're finished designing it," said B'Elanna, still frowning, "And we're adding a force field around all of Deck 5 just in case, Kincaid's suggestion, we'll make a new generator so it can stay up…..It can't hurt to have some heightened security."

Janeway straightened up in her chair and looked at B'Elanna intently, "Do you have evidence of anything B'Elanna?"

"No," answered B'Elanna, voice tired, "But I'm not going to take any chances either. They're sitting ducks in there….this has proven it."

"We'll protect them," said Janeway, voice strong, "If you find any evidence of anything, don't hesitate to tell me."

"Yes, Captain," said B'Elanna, leaving the room.

The atmosphere was tense on the ship over the next several weeks, but despite that, nothing unusual happened. B'Elanna was in a terrible huff the entire time, but finally, about three weeks after the strange spike in brainwaves, she announced the system to be virtually indestructible.

She had run the entire Engineering crew ragged working overtime, and Janeway announced an extra day off for all of them. It would have to be in turns, but Janeway somehow found her rarely taken free day aligning with Gretchen's rare full day off.

I can't believe it's been, said Kathryn, blinking to herself as she sat down with her morning coffee, a full year since she arrived on Voyager. Only about another month before she's free of all her probationary restrictions….not that there are many left now, especially with the stasis.

I wonder if she already has plans for her day off? I really should have asked her before, but I barely see her, and we're both so busy…..Surely she's free at least part of today, with sadly no Tom to plan some ridiculous adventure.

I wonder what offer she would accept? I still don't truly know what she's interested in….

Kathryn sighed, feeling like a bad parent, but determined to make today a good one. Finally she considered something Gretchen had shown interest in. That was very important to her….and which perhaps Kathryn could help with.

About 15 minutes later, having made sure Gretchen was up, Kathryn knocked on her door and waited.

A long moment later the woman emerged, wearing a peach dress and looking at Janeway curiously.

"I was thinking," said Kathryn cajolingly, "If you weren't busy sometime today, I wondered if you wanted to write Owen Paris."

"I doesn't have to be now," said Kathryn, looking at her attire, "Do you have plans?"

"I had holodeck time," said Gretchen, "But I can reschedule it."

"You don't have to," said Kathryn, as Gretchen moved from the doorway, "But I won't argue if you want to,"

Gretchen was already bringing up the holodeck selection screen, and Kathryn couldn't help but notice that this was Gretchen's last credit, although she had gotten a new batch yesterday.

The dress she was wearing was knee length and full, and it was accompanied by a strand of pearls and matching peach heels.

"Is that for a holonovel?" asked Kathryn as Gretchen looked back at her, "Mid-20th century perhaps? I used to do a Victorian one myself….."

"Oh….no," said Gretchen, a bit evasively, "You used to do a Victorian holonovel?"

"A romance," said Kathryn, attempting to keep the conversation going, "I was a governess in this old gothic house….and strange things kept happening….."

"I wouldn't have thought of you as liking romances," said Gretchen, tilting her head, "Especially not frothy Victorian ones."

"It was a good distraction," said Kathryn, smiling, "Though as a matter of fact I never finished it…..she was supposed to end up with the lord of the manor, though to be honest with you he was rather dull."

Gretchen laughed, and offered her a seat, sitting down across from her, looking quite ridiculous against the dark gray metal as she sat down and crossed her legs in the full skirt, "You want to write Tom's father?"

"Yes….I was thinking, you don't know him, but I do. And I'd like to help Tom…..if you don't think he'd mind."

"Are you kidding?...Two women he loves ganging up on his father, he'd love it," said Gretchen smiling conspiratorially.

Kathryn laughed, "Alright then, do you want me to start writing it, or would you like to start?"

"I think I….." said Gretchen awkwardly, looking away for a moment, "I already tried…."

Is she afraid of censure? Even though I offered?

"I don't mind," said Kathryn warmly, pulling out a datapad, "Dear Owen," Kathryn spoke as she typed.

Dear Owen,

I've mentioned to you before what a wonderful asset Tom is to Voyager's crew. I don't know if you thought it was mere diplomatic fluff, but I would like to say again how much Voyager depends on Tom. How much I depend on him, not just as a pilot, but also as a friend.

I suppose it would sound awful to say I'm glad he was stranded out here with us, after all he would long be in the clear if he'd stayed in that New Zealand prison, if I had never gone to visit him in the first place. But if something like that had to happen to him, I'm glad it was with us.

More to the point, if I had to be thrown into the Delta Quadrant as Voyager's Captain, I'm glad your son was there to back me up. I know you've had your fights, but he's more like you than you realize…..

Gretchen made a disapproving noise, "He's not anything like Owen Paris."

Kathryn nodded, not belaboring the point, and continued.

I know you've had your fights, but Tom is a good man. He didn't have to take the responsibility of becoming senior staff, of helping rebuild Voyager after all the deaths and mayhem the Caretaker caused, but he did. He didn't have to have a cheerful attitude in an impossible situation, but he did. He didn't have to befriend all of us, going out of his way to know, and fight for his new crew, but he did.

There were some rough times, of course, but Tom's been an amazing asset to Voyager, both the ship and the crew. Almost immediately he befriended Harry Kim, who he rescued from a hustle by a Ferengi on Deep Space 9. If I had to guess I would say that friendship was the start of a change in Tom, a reason to try harder, to give Starfleet another chance. Harry was a good influence, a fresh new Starfleet officer who was at the top of his class and knew protocol back and forth…..he was also unfailingly kind, and refused to judge Tom based on his record.

Over the years he's also formed a strong relationship with a woman named B'Elanna Torres, a former Maquis engineer. She was predisposed to hating Tom for working for Starfleet against them. She has quite a temper, and a rough background, but I've seen him fight for her even at her worst moments, refusing to leave her to face her demons alone.

All of my senior staff have learned to respect Tom, even Chakotay, who was the Captain of the Maquis vessel. Even Tuvok, if you can believe it.

We all have to depend on each other out here, it's a matter of life and death. There's nowhere to run, no replacing crew. It was do or die, and Tom rose to the occasion in a way I know you would be proud of if you could see it. I hope someday you can.

"Is there anything you want to say Gretchen?" asked Kathryn, turning to her and seeing that she was staring intently at the letter, wide-eyed.

"I…." said Gretchen flustered, "I can't really think of anything I could add to that….well, I wanted to….I mean I thought of…..but….he wouldn't get it and it would just lessen what you said and….."

Kathryn held up a hand but spoke kindly, "Why don't you at least tell me? You must have thought of it for a reason."

Gretchen frowned, but stood, and went to her room. When she returned she was holding a holographic picture frame. She clicked it, and started to hold it out to Kathryn.

She spoke haltingly, avoiding eye contact, "I have two of Tom but…..the one is with all his kids, I know that one isn't okay but…..he knows I exist…and somehow I want him to have it…it's just selfish though…..what you said was enough….he'll listen to you…."

Kathryn took the picture frame eagerly, and stared at the photo it contained.

There was Tom, older, but still obviously himself, wearing a kind of blue and white outfit that was almost a tuxedo. Tom was looking toward the camera and smiling widely. But arms around his neck and staring up at him was Gretchen with a look of pure adoration on her face. She was about nine or ten, and wearing a dress with matching colors to his. It had a skirt that poufed in all directions, and a sparkly halter top.

"Was this….some kind of performance Gretchen?" asked Kathryn in surprise.

"It was the jive," said Gretchen nervously, "We practiced for months."

"I wish I could have seen it," breathed Kathryn in awe.

"She didn't even stay," said Gretchen, looking down and picking at her skirt, "I screwed up the first dance I did and she got….disappointed I guess…..but I don't care," said Gretchen stubbornly, looking away again, "It's one of the best memories I have….and I won't let her steal it from me, just because she thought it was a waste of time."

"I…..I don't think it's a waste of time Gretchen," said Kathryn fervently, "You look so happy."

"You banned me from dance right after," said Gretchen, looking at her with a mix of blankness and anger.

Kathryn blinked, looking at her in shock for a moment, "I…..did I?"

"Oh, you said something about being older….needing more science lessons….." said Gretchen, looking off again dispassionately, "That's Starfleet for you suck Gretchen."

The younger woman grabbed the photo and began to head back to her room, but Kathryn caught her hand as she walked by in the small space, "Gretchen, if she made you feel like that, she was wrong. There was nothing wrong with you then," said Kathryn firmly, attempting to make eye contact, but staying seated to be non-threatening, "There's nothing wrong with you now."

Gretchen stood there for a long moment, looking despondent, seemingly unable to move. Kathryn kept her gentle hand on her wrist and thought quickly.

Should I hug her? Would she be able to stand that right now?

What would my mother do?, she found herself thinking again and from the depths of her mind came the advice, Keep her talking, she wanted to share this with you then, but you didn't give her the chance.

"Tom looks very happy in that picture," said Kathryn.

No response.

"Did you often dance together?"

Gretchen breathed in deeply, and seemed to be trying very hard to respond. Finally she spoke quietly, "No, that was the only time."

"I was really excited about it," she added sadly.

"I bet," said Kathryn, purposefully making her voice lighter, "How did you pick the jive? That's a very difficult dance."

"It was in a movie we watched with Tom…..and then my teacher, she was holographic, though not in the holodeck, agreed to teach us…."

"We didn't know if he could," continued Gretchen, voice lightening as it turned nostalgic, "With his memory loss and his mental limitations….But he started imitating the steps pretty well…..I had a recital coming up and…..you can't believe how excited I was when he said he'd dance with me in it."

Kathryn smiled at her genuinely, "I'm sure he was just as excited."

"I think he was," said Gretchen, finally turning to her and smiling, "He even called me by my name that day. My real name, that almost never happened. He knew who I was mom."

Gretchen caught herself, vocalized in dismay, and hurried back into her room in embarrassment, flowing peach fabric rustling and trailing behind her.

I think it's better if I don't engage with that right now…..I'm not sure either of us is ready.

"Gretchen?"

"Um-hmm?" came a high pitched response.

"Why don't we send that picture to Admiral Paris?"

There was a long pause and then a, "Are you sure you want to?"

"Yes, Gretchen, I'm sure."

Kathryn sat back in her chair as Gretchen took a couple of minutes to come back out of her bedroom.

Did I ever listen to her?

Did I ever spend time with her?

I bet she talked about nothing else for weeks, or months.

Did I not pay enough attention to know how important that dance was to her….or did I just not care?

…..I'm not sure which one would be worse, she thought, sighing out loud and slumping in her seat so that one hand was holding up her head.

Gretchen came back out, and to Kathryn's surprise was wearing a red tank top and tight black pants.

"I'm sorry," the young woman said evenly, "You're trying to help me write Tom and I brought that up…..you're not responsible for anything she did…..you shouldn't have to hear about it."

"I think….," said Kathryn, leaning back as Gretchen sat, "That you'll never heal unless you talk about it…..and I'm in a unique position to listen."

"I'm still angry at her," admitted Gretchen suddenly, looking away, "How can you be angry at someone who's been dead for as long as you spent with them?"

"I don't think anger has a time limit," said Kathryn quietly, "I know pain doesn't. You don't blame Tom for being angry with his father, why should you blame yourself?"

"His father is still alive," said Gretchen, gesturing towards the datapad, "It's still possible to talk with him, to convince him, or tell him off."

"I'm still here," said Kathryn evenly.

"Yes," said Gretchen pensively, searching her face, "Tom and Tuvok say you're the same person. Harry and Chakotay say you're not…..You don't even know, do you?"

Kathryn blinked at her, surprised to find that she was right.

"Well," said Gretchen, smiling suddenly after a moment, "I don't hate you, so you must not be her."

…..Her smile's so kind…and that acceptance is real….

"I'm sorry I called you that," said the younger woman, still smiling genuinely, "I won't make that mistake again."

…Why do I feel sick to my stomach?...

Kathryn debated what to say. She decided, after a brief pause, that she should accept Gretchen's signals to move to a lighter subject.

"What do you think about going down to the holodeck together Gretchen? Or playing a game? Final Card? I have all day, and I'd like to spend it with you."

"Captain," came a male voice from her combadge suddenly.

Surely whatever it is can be done tomorrow.

"Can this wait Doctor?" asked Kathryn, uncharacteristically adding an edge to her voice.

"Unfortunately no," came the Doctor's serious voice, with a tone of regret, "There's been another attack."