"I'm not convinced at all Soeur won't hold her own ceremony, or at least throw her own curses from a distance," Janeway mumbled as Gretchen returned.
"Athena's alive, but still recovering…And B'Elanna's still blind….Attacking another female is the biggest taboo in their culture," answered Gretchen evenly, coming farther into the room.
"I figured," said Janeway in sadness, "At least it won't cause any harm….or it shouldn't."
"She's trying to help, in her own way, but Be'nl is going to bat for us," answered Gretchen, smiling a bit, "She's promised to keep her away from B'Elanna."
"You and Be'nl seem to have become good friends," said Janeway, trying to make her voice cheerful and lift Gretchen's spirits further.
"She's been very helpful," answered Gretchen, looking forward pensively, "I wish she'd been able to find the traitor in Engineering for us…We could've cornered Rachel without tipping her off if Be'nl had heard it in her voice….if only she'd been able to stand what she'd done a little longer…she wouldn't be dead…." Gretchen grimaced, and looked away.
The younger woman shook her head violently, "Anyway, yes I do like Be'nl," said Gretchen, looking back, "For herself, apart from her skills, though she's good at just about everything…She reminds me of Thomas, a genius, and totally self-contained…..We're lucky she's not the traitor, if she wanted to kill us all in our sleep we'd never see it coming."
"You sound impressed, I can see why," said Janeway, smiling, "She's very different than Soeur, not that I don't like her….."
"Soeur is their leader, their Most Harmonious Sister, precisely because she's so good at K'Terran etiquette," said Gretchen, "Not completely unlike Starfleet ships where the Captain is expected to act properly and know protocol. Be'nl isn't unlike B'Elanna, not the temper, but she gets away with being less proper because the position she has allows it…...Dreamer of Beyond the Known…."
"What a title," said Janeway with awe.
"It means scientist essentially," said Gretchen, "And diplomat…..discovering, navigating, and integrating anything that's on the edge of their civilization….."
"That's not a bad definition for Starfleet," said Janeway, pleased, "What about Shimai?"
"She's their Singer of Glass…..I'm not sure exactly what it means, except that she's more or less Soeur's second-in-command. I don't see her as much as Be'nl and Soeur, and she's the most tight lipped of the bunch."
Janeway looked down and started to pull up the ship schematics.
"I wonder if I should give a eulogy," speculated Janeway as she did so, "Chakotay usually handles funeral planning. But I suppose I'll be in charge of the order of service now," she said sighing.
"I don't know," said Gretchen, looking away, "I really don't like Starfleet funerals…..I suppose you could ask anyone who wants to talk…..that's what happened at the only one I've really been to."
"I feel like I need to help the crew come to terms with what happened," said Janeway, "But I don't know how to do it…one of them died a murderer…..and the other was her victim….B'Elanna honestly seems to have more sympathy for the murderer than the victim, which I find disturbing…..but they were both members of my crew, I want to give them a proper send-off…..if we were running normally it would be a bit easier."
"Yes, we could eject them to float forever in the emptiness of space," muttered Gretchen sarcastically. She looked apologetic a moment later, but Janeway was not offended.
"I meant more than the men would be awake, and Chakotay in particular would be very helpful…..but it would just feel more appropriate with the full crew able to attend…..I heard you found burial in space disturbing," said Janeway, looking at her searchingly.
"Yeah well, I'm not you," said Gretchen, looking away.
There was a brief pause and then Gretchen spoke again, "Why don't you just ask B'Elanna what should be done?"
"I don't want to burden her more right now," said Janeway, "With her eyes and everything….and Hargrove caused it."
"They were both Maquis, and engineers," said Gretchen, "And whatever she's feeling about it, at least this is something she can do…..I don't know what she'll say, but she's arguably the closest thing either of them have to a next of kin right now, you ought to ask her."
"You're probably right," said Janeway, nodding her head, "I will."
The next day was tense and tiring, for Captain Janeway and the entire ship. To Janeway's surprise B'Elanna had solemnly accepted, even seeming relieved, and had decided to hold the funerals as soon as possible. Although it seemed quick Janeway now agreed with B'Elanna's assessment that it was better not to draw them out under the circumstances.
In the evening Janeway changed into her dress uniform in her Quarters. She stared at herself in the mirror, making sure every pip and detail was in place.
The least I can do for them.
I hate this.
She breathed in deeply, exiting her room, careful to keep her shoulders straight and posed even as she strolled through the corridor.
She entered the Mess Hall to find the lighting dimmed, and the room silent. There were two metal coffins in the middle of the room, as B'Elanna had decided to hold back to back, almost concurrent funerals.
That seems wrong….a murderer and her victim buried together….but I'm not going to overrule B'Elanna…
About fifteen crew members had already arrived, and more were milling in quietly behind her. The Klingon hybrid was standing by a gray podium. Gretchen hovered by her side, apparently acting as her assistant, as she still could not see anything.
Gretchen's face was oddly blank, and Kathryn understood that she was doing something she would rather not.
I hope she's not pushing herself too hard…..I know she finds Starfleet burials unnerving…
She came to Rudy Ransom's funeral….but that was probably to see him off the ship by any means necessary…..and I can't say I blame her…..half of Voyager's crew felt the same way…..and all of them did after his crew's mutiny…
The Equinox Captain had been the last person buried on Voyager. While some of her crew had attended Ransom's funeral as an obligation, few if any of them had actually lamented his passing. Ransom's slick, almost cowering persona, and his unrepentant murder of aliens made that very difficult.
…..Still…..sometimes I can still see his dead eyes staring back at me…
…..I hate him….everything he stood for, everything he twisted in Starfleet…..but I'm still sorry he's dead…thought Janeway, as she stared at the coffins, remembering all of the ones that had stood there before…...no one should die like that….alone, begging for mercy…..
…..no one should be killed by their fellow crewman…..
….no one should run to their death like it's their salvation…
Captain Janeway sighed internally, very deeply, feeling the weight lay on her chest.
Finally, as the crew members finishing entering, Janeway moved to the front of the room and opened the ceremony. A moment later B'Elanna turned to face the crowd. Janeway faced her from behind, standing next to Gretchen, almost in shock as the Klingon hybrid began to speak with a depth Janeway had never heard from her before. Her voice was clipped and pained, and Janeway wondered how much this was taking out of her.
For Rogers she spoke about his coolness under pressure, his bravery on many occasions, the time he had volunteered for an especially dangerous job during a Borg attack, risking his life so that someone else didn't have to.
At Hargrove's funeral she spoke about how difficult life was out here, how difficult it had been for Hargrove as a child, having grown up on a refugee world alone. How Hargrove had taught herself Engineering. How she had been a devoted member of the Maquis, crying everyday for months when their colleagues in the Alpha Quadrant had been killed by the Cardassians. How she had loved Voyager, becoming the first to welcome anyone back to Engineering after they had been in Sickbay.
"It's a bad ending," came B'Elanna's commanding voice, "But we shouldn't remember that, we should remember that they were our comrades, that we fought together as one, side by side, for Voyager."
Janeway allowed a few tears to roll down her cheeks as B'Elanna's second speech ended.
Janeway focused her attention on B'Elanna, gulping down the sobs she could've dissolved into. But even in her pride at the younger woman's leadership, her heart wretched at the blankness in her expression.
There's nothing to be done for it.
B'Elanna gestured to Gretchen, who looked to the Captain and nodded.
It's time.
"Release the coffins," said Janeway's solemn voice.
First Rogers' and then Hargrove's metal coffins were ejected.
Janeway felt her stomach twist painfully as they disappeared outside the K'Terran's distorting bubble. Her heart fell and ached.
Two more of my crew that will never make it home.