A/N: Hi everyone! Thank you so much to everyone who has kept supporting this story despite my horribleness when it comes to deadlines. I am a few weeks late with this one. I am very sorry for that. There are plenty of excuses I could give, but I won't bother. Just know that I will be finishing this story and will no longer be giving specific update times to avoid this in the future. Again, I apologize for keeping you waiting.

Please enjoy.

Crying was such a strange phenomenon to Mikasa. She really couldn't understand it's purpose because people cried for all kinds of reasons whether they were happy or sad. Afraid or angry. Hurt in the body or in the heart. There was never a shortage of feelings that made tears drown a person's eyes until they fell down their face. But for all the crying that people did, it never fixed anything. It's something she knows for a fact because it didn't stop those slavers from killing her parents or bring them back once they were gone. It didn't stop them from taking her hostage nor did it do anything to help her save herself. It didn't stop the titans from taking her new home and family or stop them from killing her friends and comrades. If life had taught her anything, crying was an entirely pointless practice that gained her absolutely nothing; and yet...for all its uselessness Mikasa couldn't quite seem to stop.

To her dismay, tears were always something that came to her easily, just welling up in her eyes, crowding themselves into her lower lids as if there would be enough room for all the ones she held inside to fit until they spilled down her cheeks rejoicing at their freedom...rejoicing at just how overwhelmed she was, her pure joy at seeing him alive when she'd thought he was lost to her forever; her complete hurt at how now she really had. Except this time, it wasn't because of the dangerous life they lived or the constant threats that seemed to come their way. No, this time she had pushed him away through her own actions. The thought killed Mikasa a little more each time it came up. It teased her, constantly echoing in her mind, jumping to the forefront at the most inopportune moments, when she was most vulnerable lying alone and surrounded by darkness on all sides.

It made so much fun of her because she should have just taken what she got. She should have never tried for anything more because now she had nothing at all. Mikasa never could have imagined one simple question, one stupid mistake would cost her everything, would cost her her home. Her mind flashes briefly to that cold, snowy night when she had lost her first home comes to mind, that brief moment where she had nowhere to go. Mikasa felt like a lost little girl again, not completely sure of how thing went so horribly wrong so quickly.

No matter how many times she thought about it, her mind always found itself in the same place. She he always found herself staring at the ceiling as another dark blue night faded into morning. The light of the sun greeting the sky again did nothing to shine a light on her situation, to help her find her way back home, to figure out how to fix this.

At first, she was puzzled, her mind abuzz with confusion watching Eren come to a hard stop as she made her way over to him. If she had to define his expression, it looked like a titan was heading his way and he was caged, like there were no options of escape. Except he seemed to have found one because before she could reach him, he was bolting the other direction and out the mess hall without even bothering to get breakfast. She was surprised to say the least, couldn't quite believe what just happened, and ended up not following since she didn't know what to make of it. He'd never done that before. Despite the bewilderment, it didn't stop her from trying again later. If she could just talk to him, she could fix this. She knew she could.

That's what Mikasa thought at first. But the feeling of stupidity increased in a way she'd never felt it before each time she was left standing dumbly in the middle of some room or hallway or gathering as Eren got lost in groups of people. A niggling thought that she refused to entertain surfaced after what must have been the fifth time. Maybe he kept running away because he didn't want to talk to her, because he no longer wanted anything to do with her. No, that wasn't true. That was farthest thing from the truth. Eren wouldn't do that. He wouldn't want that. Armin had reassured her, and if anyone knew him as well as she did, it was Armin There must have been a reason.

And she made plenty of them. He obviously didn't want to talk to her, so perhaps wasn't expecting to see her so soon after their conversation. Maybe he just hadn't decided what he would say since he seemed to have so much trouble with his words all of a sudden. Maybe he just needed time to figure out how to let her down gently. Maybe he really had changed, she told herself. Maybe his new way of handling things he couldn't immediately deal with was to avoid them altogether instead of just getting angry and yelling or physically taking out his feelings. Maybe he couldn't deal with her right now because he had other, more important things on his mind. Maybe she needed to be patient and wait a little longer.

But he kept doing it. He just kept doing it and on day turned into two and three and four.

Eventually, Mikasa had run out of logical reasons as to why Eren couldn't even look at her. It was a devastating blow when she realized that initial thought she didn't even want to entertain was the truth of the matter. She was baffled, floored, couldn't quite comprehend it and had no one to blame but herself. It was frustrating, infuriating because there was no way to take out the anger, no way to get rid of it. How did someone stop being angry at themselves after messing up so spectacularly.

She had no answer to that either and settled for crying bitterly when she was alone while pretending that it wasn't what she'd just been doing when with others. She'll let the tears flow into her hair and ears, let them make her cheeks blotchy and her nose runny, let them make her eyes red and puffy, let them soak into her pillow and down into whatever clothes she put on that day. In the end, a little bit of water everywhere bared no weight in how much Mikasa missed Eren. Sasha's sympathy meant nothing. Her friends' pity didn't eat her up inside as it normally would. What did it matter when such a vital piece of her had left her behind with no intention of coming back.

No, now all she could get of him was watching from a distance as he looked around shiftily, probably more than ready to run away, to avoid her the moment she showed herself to him. The lengths he'd gone through to put space in between them, to not just push her away but completely wash his hands of her almost as if - as if...as if she didn't matter at all were…she couldn't thing of a proper word to describe it.

Did their friendship really mean so little to him now? Had everything they'd built between them over the years really been so weak? Had it really been worth so little? Had she let her feelings overshadow what was really happening, making her see everything through rose colored glasses? Did he only tolerate her presence? Did he really mean all those harsh words?

Mikasa asked herself these questions repeatedly and today was no different. Sighing into the dawn colored room, she slowly pushed the covers from her body and tiredly rose from bed. Surely the 'simple' admission of her feelings couldn't really be enough to drive such a wedge between them, to push them this far apart, to make the gap keep growing into a chasm where all she could see was his back because he certainly wasn't bothering to look over his shoulder at her. Even if Eren didn't return them, didn't care for her the exact way she did him, he wouldn't do this, right? He would at least try to stumble his way through an awkward rejection, right? Because he cared, because he would never intentionally hurt her, because she was his family too, right? Right? Mikasa knew Eren. She knew him.

Except now there was no confidence in those words. Any that she'd had after Armin's encouragement waned drastically each time he evaded her. She just wanted to be with him, and this hurt. It hurt more than words could ever express and she wasn't sure she knew how to cope with a separation like this, to live with this pain when Eren was so clearly withing reach. Could she do it if it was what he truly wanted, if it made him happy?

Was it pathetic that even though he no longer wanted anything to do with her, all she could think about was him?

Another despondent sigh left Mikasa as she glanced over at her roommate's sleeping form. She wondered if it was worth it to just leave early and avoid Sasha chipperly forcing her along to the mess hall or risk inevitably running into Armin who wouldn't take no for an answer either and find some way to get her there anyway. Until all this happened, the fact that they could make sure a good team together never occurred to her.

Mikasa loved and appreciated her friends for trying to take care of her. Objectively, it was obvious she should be doing that herself, but sleep didn't seem to come. Her appetite was nonexistent. Sometimes she had this strange flat feeling at night when her mind was finally quiet enough that she could just stare off into space without feeling like she was suffocating. It scared her. It was the only reason why she didn't resist their efforts, why she was pulling her clothes out the wardrobe now to just avoid their antics altogether and go of her own accord.

She slowly made her way out of the women's barracks and across the base, all the while still trying to fathom even the thought of letting him go. Would it be enough to leave pride behind and beg and plead for him to just forget about it, to pretend like it never happened, to please please please let her stay with him.

Sitting down with her breakfast in the mostly empty hall, Mikasa's thoughts had already circled back to square one, unable to fully believe this was really the place she was in, once again berating herself for being stupid enough to share those feelings with him, wondering if he'd always felt this way and she just didn't notice or if he'd really changed that much, or if their relationship was just that weak, or if she was giving up too easily, or if, or if, or if. It was a vicious cycle that just left her feeling at war with herself, because what – what – the hell was she going to do?

"You do plan on eating, right?" Mikasa was immediately ejected from her hopeless introspection, the sound of his voice so close after what seemed so long making her body freeze up. As she blinked down at her bowl of porridge, it was with great unease that she felt a presence next to her. When had he gotten there? Through her hair she could see a tray on the table mere inches from hers, hands she recognized on either side of it clenching and unclenching, a slight tremor to them. Her immediate instinct was to ask him what was wrong, to ask if he was okay, but what if...what if he wasn't really there, but just a – a –

"Did you hear me?" And suddenly he was leaning over the table, in her space trying to see through the curtain of her hair, her only protection from his searching green eyes. His hair was mere inches away from dipping into his bowl as a hand started rising up to move her shield out of the way. Mikasa could feel her heart rate picking up immediately, racing forward as he closed in. His fingers wrapped around her dark strands in slow motion. She could see the swirls and circles in the pads as he moved, his earthy scent washing over her, but he didn't stop once he could finally lock eyes with her own. No, those rough fingertips eased ever so softly against the skin of her cheek tucking the curtain behind her ears. Eren was definitely here and running his thumb along the shell of her ear, his eyes roaming her face. "You should eat to take care of yourself too, remember? It looks like you've lost a bit of…weight. You've lost weight."

She vaguely registered a slight tickle when Eren's hand away from her face, his brow furrowing as his gaze left her to wander around the hall. It bounced off the tables and people behind her, everywhere but her before falling down to his own bowl. As Mikasa watched his profile, taking in the clenching of his jaw, the pronounced veins in his neck, his bobbing adam's apple, she was unable to respond. Her body physical wouldn't move. There were no words stuck in her throat, no thoughts about what she could possibly say floating around her head. She was struck by the tender gesture. It was jarring, exceptionally so; not only because he'd never done anything like that before, but after the last few days, it was the last thing she'd ever expect from him.

Eren was sitting right next to her willingly, talking to her, caring about her, doing things that she'd been lamenting he'd never do again. He was really here, right? She wasn't having one of those dreams, right? Finally, the need to reach out and touch him niggled inside her wanting to be fulfilled, but she was held back by the fear of whatever consequences her affection for him would cause in a way she never had before. What was this? What was happening?

"Mikasa, why didn't you wake me! I've been looking everywhere for you." It was Sasha's loud voice that finally pulled her attention away from him, that somewhat dissipated the strange tension between them.

"See, I told you she was fine. Of course, she would be with Yeager. There was no need to make such a big fuss." Jean came up behind her, Armin and Connie pulling up the rear.

"It wasn't a big fuss."

"Sure."

"You guys are up early," Eren commented as they settled in tucking into their breakfasts.

"Well if someone hadn't barged into our room screaming like a wild banshee. Besides it's not that early." Jean was right. The cafeteria had filled significantly since she'd first came in. Where had the time gone?

"Everything alright," Armin whispered from her other side as the two went back and forth.

"I think so. I'm not sure." She took in his gentle smile and once again felt a little more at ease because of it.

"Well it must be a bit better if you guys are sitting next to each other again."

"I guess." She glanced to the other side to find Eren also looking at her out the corner of his eyes and she felt an unfamiliar panic welling up inside. Quickly swiping up her spoon, Mikasa scooped up a large glob porridge and shoved the cooled lump in her mouth. Then another and another. The sooner she finished, the sooner she could get out of this strange situation that made her feel more than a little out of her element.

How was it that all she had wanted was Eren to at least acknowledge her and now that he was, she didn't feel – she felt…Mikasa didn't know, but she should be happy, right? It looked like all her fears were actually for naught, that she might not have ruined everything, that there was still a chance for her and Eren to mend their relationship. She should be ecstatic, elated, jumping at the opportunity that had presented itself to fix things. So why wasn't she? Why did it feel like whatever this was and not what it should have been?

Her jaw stopped working, the spoon at her mouth fell still, drooping slightly in her grasp. She did feel hopeful, she really did but what changed so suddenly? What prompted Eren to go from zero contact to fondly stroking her hair and face? Was this just another facet of this 'new' him, this one she didn't seem to know, because he was never one to be openly affectionate even in small ways. But it was just three months ago that he was telling them all how important they were to him. Except even then, admitting it hadn't come easy to him.

His reddened cheeks and ears, the pout on his lips making her equally as colored. Mikasa knew he'd been talking to all their friends, but when Eren looked at her, holding her gaze in his own, she'd felt like the most important person to him. That special little moment used in the rare daydreams she allowed herself to have seemed stale. It was all so confusing. Her head was in a jumble, her emotions even more of a mess and –

A very warm hand on settling on hers stopped the spiral her mind was once again about to enter. Setting her spoon down she glanced down in her lap at the tanned skin that contrasted so nicely with her own and followed its arm up, already knowing it was Eren.

"You good?"

"Yes." It was automatic and glancing around at the expressions of her friends, it was obvious that they didn't think her answer was worth a grain of salt. "I'm fine, really. Just thinking about what's on the agenda for the meeting this morning." The effect was immediate, the mood around the table instantly shifting. Mikasa felt bad for using another meeting of talking in circles about the predicament of the island to swiftly eject herself from the center of attention, but she really couldn't deal with their concern right now, particularly Eren's. "We should be going soon. The captain will be less than pleased if we're late."

Murmurs of agreement ran through the group as everyone began moving. She shook his hand off hers to do the same, refusing to meet his eyes, but before she could grab her tray, his hands coming into view stopped her. Having no choice but to look up at him, he turned her awkwardly in the bench. Her face caught a fire when the warmth of his fingers settle just close enough to her neck to feel it radiating off them.

"What are you –

"Top button came undone."

Before she could reply, he'd finished his task and already plucked up her tray with his own, quickly carrying them away. Couldn't he have just told her like a normal person instead of making her want to hide her flaming face? What was his deal with being so close when all he'd wanted before was space?

As they all walked across the base to their destination, his nearness persisted, shoulders brushing hers, fingers getting the barest hints of each other. It only served to build whatever this feeling was she couldn't quite place, especially when he made a point of stepping in front of her to get to the door first and proceeded to hold it open for her, letting it go as soon as she was in, nearly smacking Jean in the face. From the time they arrived, to Eren giving Armin this…look when he took the seat in between them to when she nearly ran out the door, so glad Hange had a task for her, sitting in that meeting was only what Mikasa could describe as a strange out of body experience.

Normally, Eren paid rapt attention, chiming in when he deemed necessary, always eager to share any information he had to give if it could help. That was normal. Apparently normal did not exist anymore because he was grossly preoccupied and not with the meet. It started with a bit of fidgeting. Shifting in his chair, tugging at his jacket sleeves, readjusting his arms and legs, tapping his feet. Seeing so much movement over Armin's leant forward form, the constant sound of shifting it was maddening. How did no one else notice? When he did finally settle, it wasn't just his body in a comfortable position, but his eyes on her, burning into her, searing her skin. And she did her best to ignore it, Mikasa really did, but no matter how long they were apart her body just seemed to be attuned to him in a way that was not helping her situation.

So when that obviously didn't work, she turned her head fully to meet his only for him to quickly look away as if her were playing rapt attention. She wished it had stopped there, but it was like the chase he'd given just days earlier had diminished into her trying to catch his eye and figure out what was going on in his head. As usual, Eren wasn't having it, refusing to give a single hint.

By the time things were winding to a close, it was taking everything to not just stand up and ask him what he wanted because he obviously wanted something. She had made sure several times that there was nothing on her face or clothes, that her uniform was not out of place. But what did he suddenly want out of her that he couldn't be bothered to want yesterday or the day before or anytime when he was trying his damnedest to be anywhere she wasn't. It wasn't until Hange had come up to her that he finally looked at her fully over their commander's shoulder. What she saw would normally make her happy, would make her stomach come alive with butterflies, but it was also close to the same thing that got them into this predicament. The corners of his lips quirked up, stretched out, to show the slightest bit of his teeth.

Mikasa would have glowed at that smile, but all she could feel was more frustration bubbling up. She didn't want it and yet she just couldn't help it. It must have shown on her face because his expression dropped slightly before his attention was begrudgingly drawn away.

"So, it shouldn't be a problem?" She blinked, awareness shifting back to the person in front of her.

"Uh, no. Not at all." Great, she didn't even know what was being asked of her. Hopefully it was something she wouldn't mind. Following Hange out the busy room, breath finally felt like it could flow as she finally left his view. It was a marvel how shoulders could get so tense, her face so tight without her realizing it. Why was she reacting like this?

"Mikasa, I also wanted to talk to you too." Oh, they were here already. Hange's office was an array of papers, books, and odd objects, a mess really. It was odd seeing how neatness was so instilled in them since basic, but the mess also fit the commander and they surely knew where everything was. An organized chaos. "Mikasa?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"You seem distracted."

"I'm paying attention. What was it you wanted me to do?" Hange smiled slightly leaning against the desk, arms folded at the chest.

"Lately. You seem distracted lately."

"I apologize. It won't happen anymore."

"I'm not reprimanding you. I'm concerned."

"Concerned? I promise I haven't let the performance of my duties be affected." Hange sighed, remaining quiet for a moment.

"Again, I'm not reprimanding you. I'm concerned for you, not your duties. I know you always do what you need to, but there seems to be a rift between you and Eren lately. Unfortunately, I can't say much for Eren – I don't know what goes through that kid's head anymore – but whatever it is seems to have affected you a lot. Did something happen between you two? Stupid question. Is it something I can help with? Something you want to talk about? Not that you talk often or that you have to talk at all or that you have to talk to me. Ah, this isn't going well. Okay. You seem upset. What's bothering you?"

Mikasa could only blink at her commander. It seemed everyone was catching her by surprise today. This was nowhere near what she expected the conversation she was expecting them to have, but she still managed to stammer out an answer.

"I'm fine. Everything is fine."

"Did you know the average person tells about 4 or so lies a day. The most common is 'I'm fine.'" She bristled with annoyance and panic.

"As you may or may not have seen, Eren and I walked into this morning's meeting. We've been perfectly fi – alright. Everything is just like it's always been." Or least that's how he was trying to act even though he was doing a poor job of it. It was like he didn't remember what their normal was because she had interrupted it so completely and he was doing his best to compensate. "Hange, please leave it alone," she said softly when all the commander did was look a her over thick glasses. Even if she did want to talk about what was plaguing her, she wouldn't know where to start, didn't know if she wanted to say it out loud, couldn't actually label the unease she was feeling.

"You're as stubborn as Levi, I swear." Mikasa's lips pursed, definitely not appreciating the comparison. "Fine, I won't push the issue. Just take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will. Thank you."

After a few moments of observing her, Hange leaned back across the desk, opened one of the drawers and pulled out a small white envelope. "This is the letter I want you to deliver when you pick up the supplies today. Wait for a reply. It shouldn't take long."

"Yes, commander." Restraining herself from snatching up the envelope up and hurrying out of the stuffy office. She stuffed the paper in her jacket pocket before she could crush it in her clenched fist and stalked to the meeting point, ignoring those she passed on the way. Today was just not a good day and she could attribute it down to Eren and his weird behavior. Why was he being so – so nice? No, that wasn't right. He could be nice when he wanted to be. Why was he being so nice to her? No, why was he being so attentive to her? Even before all of this, it was business as usual. She hadn't been his singular focus since…since they were children. Again, she questions herself. Not that she needed or wanted to be his only focus, but why wasn't she more positive about it. Why question it? Why was she so an…gry about it? Steps slowing, the sudden realization dawned on Mikasa.

She was mad at Eren.

Not in the way she would be annoyed when he used to get into fights with Jean. Not in the way she would be beyond frustrated at the way he recklessly threw himself in harm's way. For whatever reason, Mikasa was well and truly angry with him to the point where his kindness bothered her, to the point where she felt relieved when away from him. But he hadn't done anything wrong. He'd been nothing but nice. Acting as if –

"Carmen, do me this favor, please."

"I did you a favor by agreeing to switch chores." Turning the final corner, the horses and wagon came into view by the gate, but so did a rather peeved looking Eren and a particularly helpless looking private.

"Let's just pretend I didn't say any of that."

"C'mon, Mr. Yeager. I think you're really cool, and I really appreciate you teaching me that awesome move during the sparring session the other day, but I have to go. It's my girlfriends birthday in a few days and I planned to get her a present on the trip. I can't disappoint her, Mr. Yeager!"

"What's going on?" Mikasa stepped up to them, making her presence known. With the few words she'd heard, it was quite obvious what they were arguing about, but maybe she just wanted to hear him say it. Just hear him acknowledge that he asked someone else to take his assignment, so he didn't have to do it with her. And now that he suddenly lost all his qualms, she was just supposed to act like nothing had happened, like the past 9 days didn't happen – and happily hop on the wagon with him to ride into town.

"Mikasa." Eren looked almost surprised to see her, his mouth opening then closing.

"Well?" She glanced over to Carmen who seemed to want to disappear. Was her resentment showing?

"Um, how much of that did you h –

"Enough."

"Listen Mik –

"You should get in the wagon, Carmen. Thank you for preparing the horses by the way. We don't want to be away too long." The boy snapped into action as she started towards the other side and was quickly stopped by a hand at the wrist.

"Wait a minute."

"What is it, Eren," Mikasa sighed, refusing to look his way. "We have work to do and I'm sure you do too." She waited, her stupid heart getting its hopes up. For what, she wasn't sure, but it didn't matter anyway because silence was still the only way he knew how to answer anything she asked him. Tugging away, she continued on and climbed into the unoccupied side the wagon, grabbing the reins. "Just like I thought." Was the disappointment obvious? She cursed under her breath at her prickling eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"No, you said it. I want to know what you meant." He came over to her side, brow furrowed, jaw clenched, looking achingly familiar, but still…

"Just pretend I didn't say anything. You seemed to be very good at that, right?" Mikasa couldn't quite place the look on Eren's face, but at that moment she didn't particularly care to and spurred the horses forward, all the while ignoring his belated calls. They weren't long into their ride before Mikasa wanted to collapse in on herself, feeling guilty at her words to him, for once again letting her emotions get the better of her and make her such a hypocrite.

Wasn't she just pleading and bargaining with herself that she would be more than happy to pretend none of this had happened if she could have Eren back with her, to be able to remain by his side. That was enough. Up until now, it had always been enough. No, she didn't need him to feel the same way, certainly didn't want to force it, but for him to not even acknowledge how she felt, for them to not even talk about it after he insisted on knowing, after he said she and her feelings were important to him, that they mattered. Of course, it would be a shock to hear someone whom you've been friends with for years to come out and admit to having feelings deeper than just friendship, but how could he – how could he just – just…

Hands tightening their grip on the reins, she pushed the thought away, refusing to get upset with an almost stranger next to her. She'd told Hange that her assignments wouldn't be affected and meant it. Taking a deep breath, Mikasa tried to blank her mind and focus on the road, ignoring the fidgety glances from Carmen. It worked for a while. They made quick work of getting the supplies. Covertly tucking the return letter into her pocket, she walked up to their horses and pulled a sugar cube for each of them from her other pocket.

"Um, excuse me, Section Leader Ackerman." She glanced up at Carmen who was already back in the cart.

"Yes," she prompted when he didn't say anything further.

"Would there possibly be time to make another stop?"

"Hmm, you wanted to get a birthday present for your girlfriend." He nodded vigorously, face bright red. She couldn't help but feel a little endeared by his eagerness. What could it hurt?

"Okay."

"Please, Section Leader Ackerman! This is the only ti – wait. Okay? Really?"

"We're already here and it is the reason why you wanted to come, right? The market's a few streets over."

"You really don't mind?"

"I wouldn't agree if I did, and we have some time."

"Thank you so much, Section Leader Ackerman!"

"You don't have to call me by my full rank every time you address me."

"Sure, Ms. Mikasa." Good enough. That was how she found herself waiting with their cart, eyes continuously wandering over to a clothing stand where a black jacket hung from many of the racks. It didn't look heavy and had a hood that could protect nicely from rain. She imagined it would look nice on Eren, falling a bit past his thighs and leave extra room if he grew anymore. Her lips twisted ruefully, eyes flicking away again. Trust her to still think about him and want to buy him something when she's supposed to be mad at him. But he did need something lighter than his uniform coat for the season. She looked over again and found an older lady standing in front of it looking directly at her.

Mikasa blinked as the woman smiled and beckoned her over. Of course, she looked around, but no one else was in the immediate vicinity. When she turned back, the elder pointed at her and beckoned again. It wasn't far and she could still keep an eye on the wagon. Maybe the lady needed help.

"My you're pretty," was the first thing the woman said and Mikasa wasn't quite sure how to react.

"Um…thank you."

"You are interested in this jacket?"

"O – oh no. It's very nice though."

"It is, isn't it. Who did you want to give it to?"

"I don –

"I saw you looking several times and let you think about it before I called you over. Is it for your sweetheart? I'm sure a girl as pretty as you has one."

"No! No, I don't. It's for a friend. He – his cardigan – he's grown out of it and needs a new one so I – I thought this one would be nice…on him." The intense heat of her face made Mikasa wish she'd never come over. This woman was quite bold to a person she didn't know.

"Ah, the friend you wish was your sweetheart. Don't look so surprised. This elder is very keen. Perhaps that's why you're also sad. Maybe a gift will get you into his good graces." Mikasa shook her head, already limited patience being used up.

"It's not like that. I just want to make sure he has something to keep him warm." The older woman watched her for a few moments before smiling slightly.

"Well how much will you give me for it."

"Oh. I don't have any money on me right now. I thought I might come back when I was off duty."

"I should say that I am quite the popular seamstress and it may not be here when you return." Mikasa frowned, unsure of if the woman was trying to push her into buying the jacket now and disappointed that she might not be able to get it for Eren. "Hm, just as well. I was going to give it to you anyway."

"What? I couldn't just take it!" She couldn't have heard that correctly

"You're not taking it; I am giving it." Apparently, she had.

"Ma'am, you don't even know me."

"What is your name?"

"Mikasa."

"Nice to meet you, Mikasa. I am Maria. Now that we know each other, will you take it?"

"B – but why?"

"Because your reason comes from your heart." Maria pulled the jacket down and held it out to her. "You care about your friend's wellbeing even though they've made you sad and not for what you could gain, but for what you could give, in this case some protection from the elements. That is not an easy thing to do. It lets me know that you are kind, so why can't I show a little kindness too?"

Mikasa took in the deep wrinkles in the woman's face, the soft merry crinkles of her light grey eyes, before cautiously reaching up to let the dark material slide underneath her fingers, the fabric soft and warm to the touch. It would definitely serve Eren well. She wondered if he would accept it or feel awkward about gifts now. It was just more things that were unknown in their relationship now, but she would try talking to him about it. For the first time in days, she had a moment of clarity.

Eren wasn't so different that he wouldn't listen to her. He had before. And sure, that didn't exactly end well, he certainly didn't react in a way she could have predicted, but that was probably the last thing he was expecting to hear or rather something he never expected her to say at all. Regardless, he was making an effort now and she'd had enough running.

For so long she had forced herself to hold back from fully expressing her feelings to him, pushing them down when he said mean things, keeping them at bay when she was worried for him. She never wanted them to be a burden to him, to get in his way, to affect him negatively. But it was all out there now, and there was no longer any point in holding back. Eren had made his position clear, but she still wanted to hear him say that he didn't feel for her the way she felt for him. It was okay. He wasn't lost to her, but she wanted closure for herself. Mikasa deserved that much, and she would tell him so at the first opportunity.

"Yes, I'll take it," she said firmly, turning back to Maria. A wide smile graced the woman's features.

"Good. Let me wrap that up for you, dear." Feeling lighter than she had in days, the ride back seemed much brighter, her and Carmen both keeping their gifts carefully on the seat between them. If her fellow soldiers though she was eager to get the supplies put away, they didn't comment on it and Mikasa didn't care if hoped they weren't offended, but she really needed to talk to Eren, to see him. Luckily, Hange was preoccupied with the letter only muttering 'Levi needs to know about this' as Mikasa hurried out the door before the commander's focus could shift. She walked briskly along, looking to and fro in hopes of spotting him. They'd missed lunch by quite a bit, so she had no idea of where he might be.

His name wasn't on the duties board for the day and she idly wondered what he agreed to trade Carmen with. Regardless, she must have looked up and down the base before she decided to visit the men's barracks. Figuring out where he was often turned out to be quite the task these days. She knocked twice on the door of the room he shared before being welcomed in. What she saw was Jean and Armin sitting at a little table in the middle of the floor, cards in each of their hands.

"Isn't it a little early to be playing cards," she commented, glancing around the room to see if Eren was about. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't. Where was he?

"Not when you have the time."

"So you two have the time?" They grinned at each other

"Normally, no," Armin said, placing a card on the table that made Jean scowl. "But when Connie loses a bet, we do. He's cleaning the stables by himself."

"What was the bet?" Mikasa moved behind Jean to take a look at his cards.

"Something stup – hey, don't help him," he complained as Jean laid down the card she pointed at.

"We both know he'd lose without help, Ar."

"Oi!"

"He'll lose with help too." Armin smugly placed another card on the stack.

"You two are the worst."

"Just focus on trying not to get beaten too badly. What you got there, Mik?"

"Oh." She'd gotten distracted just that fast. "Eren needed a new sweater so I bought him one when I did the supply run this morning. Have either of you seen him, by the way?" She didn't miss the glance between them.

"Not since lunch. I assume he left to sulk in private."

"Sulk?"

"Uh, Yeah, he was a bit sullen, but he refused to say why or even acknowledge it really." Mikasa's heart dropped a little.

"I…I may have said something a bit mean this morning, but I doubt that could put him in a bad mood." Then again, she doesn't think she's ever really said anything mean to him.

"You'd be surprised," Jean snorted, and she wanted to ask him what he meant, but he continued on, putting another card down. "But I wouldn't worry about it too much. He's had time to sulk and you've bought him a present. Yeager will be happy you're no longer mad at him, not that we don't all think you don't deserve to be sometimes."

"Uh, what Jean means to say is that since you two seem to have made up, it shouldn't be too difficult to put a small argument behind you."

"Yeah, sure." She didn't quite know if they had even really made up yet, but that was just something else to add to the list of things to talk to him about.

"Well if you can't find him, I'm sure he'll turn up at dinner or find you before then."

"He'll turn up alright. I ran into the asshole in the middle of night when I came from the bathroom even though I hadn't seen him all day." Armin looked up from his cards, gaze flicking to her then back to Jean.

"What was he doing?"

"Nothing. Just standing at the door like he was thinking about going in or not."

"Hmm, I did ask him to try and get some sleep." Jean nodded solemnly. They all knew how little Eren slept, but they also knew how scarce he liked to make himself at times. Him even deliberating sleeping or hanging out was almost a privilege and they didn't want to push him away. Still, considering he'd doubled down on all that recently, Mikasa had another thought churning in her head.

"You both saw him yesterday?" They nodded. "And you both talked to him?"

"Briefly. It was late."

"Yeah, we talked for a while. I found him some time after dinner. What about it?" Armin watched her almost suspiciously as if he could tell what she was thinking. He probably could.

"Uh, nothing. Just curious. I better go drop this off in my room since I can't find him right now. See you guys later." It all made sense now.

"Mikasa, wait!" Armin followed her out the room, pulling her to the side of the hallway as a chatting group walked past them. He waited, watching until the hallway was clear before whispering, "You know that nothing Jean or I or anyone can say will make Eren do something he doesn't want to, right? You know that."

She knew it. Objectively, she did, but the question niggled at her all day. What had made Eren go from zero to one hundred over night? What made him suddenly change his mind when he seemed perfectly content to be where she wasn't at all times? It certainly didn't take a genius to put two and two together. Whatever was said, whatever was talked about had changed Eren's mind and she wasn't sure it was in a good way. He hadn't been prompted to talk to her or just proceed as normal.

No, he got closer than he used to, spent more time looking at her, touching her, trying to be near her. Was it crazy to think he was acting like he thought she wanted him to given her feelings, laying it on so thick that she might feel better or forget how distraught she'd been? Surely Jean or Armin would have pointed it out. They cared, and it wasn't exactly a secret.

"Yeah, I know," was all she said before turning and heading out, emotions finding themselves closer and closer to the state they'd been in when she'd got up that morning, the state they'd been in for the past week. Did this new information really change things? Did it change the fact that they needed to talk about this, that the current state of things just didn't sit well with her, that she just wanted to clear the air and put this to rest so she could nurse her feelings and do her best to contain them somehow, someway? No…Mikasa guessed it didn't but –

"What took you so long? I've been waiting for hours." Coming to a halt, there sat Eren on the steps of the women's barracks. She felt a bit sick as he stood up, long legs closing the short distance between them, subconsciously, she held the wrapped package closer to her chest. When did he get so much taller than her?

"On me? Why?" His brow furrowed, booted toe tapping into the ground.

"I think we should talk."

"Oh." Mikasa didn't know if the silence or his simple statement scared her more. Funny how that was once again exactly what she'd wanted and now that it was happening, she was completely unsure if she wanted it in the first place. Typical. This was just typical. How could they be so perfectly on the same wavelength, yet still keep missing each other so spectacularly. Looking up at him, she struggled with the exasperation she felt at herself, because it was the first time she noticed the earnestness in his eyes. Was it just now finally shining through or had it been there all day and she was the one missing him?

"I…don't think that's a good idea right now, Eren."

"Look, I know I –

"Special Ops Yeager! Section Leader Ackerman!" Their heads turned together to see the same group of girls that had a hand in kickstarting this whole ordeal bounding over waving, smiles and blushes on their faces as per usual. How could they be so cheerful all the time? Did they live on the same island? Were they not all in the military? "Are you guys excited for dinner tonight? Some of the Marleyan chefs are preparing a special dinner!"

"You were on supply retrieval today, right Section Leader? Did you see any clues to what the meal might be," a brown-haired girl bounced eagerly on her toes. The chorus of agreement bewildered Mikasa as all their attention shifted to her.

"Um, no. I didn't."

"Oh…" Just like that the excitement died down.

"But I'm sure whatever it is will be delicious."

"Right?!" There were the overly bubbly attitudes. Looking at their bright faces, it was obvious that they were new recruits, having never fought or seen a titan and she felt bad for ignoring them before, for being jealous. Even though they were now soldiers and she knew it wouldn't last too much longer, Mikasa hoped they would hang on to this almost innocence while they still could.

"We're heading in to freshen up. Maybe we could all go to dinner together," a blond with chin length hair asked and she didn't miss the hopeful tone and look the girl gave, barely sparing Eren a glance unlike her friends, but he answered first all the same.

"Mikasa and I have something else to do first, but I'm sure we'll see you guys there." She looked at him, challengingly.

"No, we don't.

"Yes, we do." The edge in his tone made it clear he wasn't taking no for an answer, but Mikasa refused to back down. She needed time to get her thoughts together, to get herself together so she could talk to him properly without her emotions taking over.

"Um, is something wrong?"

"No."

"Yes."

"Maybe we should go."

"You should definitely go."

"Eren!"

"Mikasa." Grabbing him by the crook of his arm, she dragged him off to the side as the girls scurried into the barracks, shooting glances as they went, but Mikasa paid them little more attention as she rounded on him.

"What was that about? They were just being friendly."

"And I'm trying to talk to you. You didn't care about them being friendly before. They'll be fine."

"Still, there was no need to be like that, especially when I already told you I don't want to talk."

"Why," he trailed off, seeming to believe her now when she'd said it a second time. The almost woeful expression he wore made her want to immediately take it back, to agree with whatever he wanted, but she couldn't. At least not yet.

"I just – I need some time."

"We've had plenty of time." She couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"No, you've had plenty of time. I've been completely wrecked by the thought that everything was ruined because of me. At least now I know that we're potentially okay and can put this behind us."

"Put this behind us?"

"Yes. Just like we've been doing today."

"That's what you thought was happening? That's not – I didn't – ah fuck." A hand slid down his face, then back up through his hair, and she could see his lips murmuring a string of curses but couldn't quite understand what had upset him so.

"Eren? Eren. Eren!" He stopped, eyes flicking down to where her hand rested on his arm then, zeroed in on hers. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing…I'm sorry." It was that look again as warm fingers laid over her own. The one from that day working on the train tracks. Soft and sincere and pouty, but this time also guilty. The same guilt from this morning, she realized. How many things could she have better understood if she had looked at him properly just once today, without a cloud hanging over her head. This is why it was so important that she had a little bit of time before they had a much-needed conversation. Mikasa blinked at him and felt the corners of her mouth lifting the slightest bit wanting to give him some reassurance.

"It's okay." He shook his head.

"No. It's not, so I guess if you need time…I can do that." The words struggled out as if they simultaneously wanted to come and wanted to stay hidden.

"Just a day," she found herself saying before she knew it, but the sudden hopefulness on his face definitely made her feel like she'd said the right thing and didn't regret it.

"So tomorrow then?"

"The day after tomorrow."

"That's two days."

"Only if you count today."

"I'm definitely counting today."

"Then a day starting tomorrow."

"…Fine. But I don't want to hear anything when I'm banging on your door at first light." She definitely wouldn't put it past him.

"Thank you, Eren." He blinked, quickly looking away.

"You don't have to thank me. Fair's fair." Were his ears red? "See you at dinner?"

"Yeah."

Mikasa watched on as he took a step backwards, then another and another before taking the steps by twos and scurrying inside lest she end up changing her mind. Belatedly, she discovered the jacket for Eren was still held tightly in her arms at the end of their conversation, but there was no need to worry. There would be plenty of opportunity to give it him.

At dinner was the most normal she'd felt in a while. Not what had become their new normal these past years, but like their old normal had been revived, renewed, rejuvenated in the best way. Sasha fawning over the food, which was really good, not that she would admit that to her friend. Connie teasing her for it and trying to get Jean involved, Armin trying to real them in, and her and Eren watching fondly with casual quips at Jean on his part. The occasional looks they shared were warm and didn't make her blush and want to smile.

The peace continued to the following day making her wonder how she ever could have felt so weird and paranoid and insecure about talking to Eren of all people, but that's what the security of knowing where you stood brought, she guessed. Still, this was better than anything she could have hoped for even before her hapless confession. It finally felt like she had Eren back with her, at least a little bit. She took her time looking at him, making sure to see clearly and not let her bias color him.

That was why on the day of their prearranged talk, Mikasa found herself disappointed when she wasn't awoken by the sound of Eren banging on her and Sasha's door like he'd said, but instead by the light of the sun peeking through the window and directly into her eyes. His absence at breakfast was explained away at Levi dragging him out of bed for missing their evening trainings for the last two days and making him regret wasting his time – Armin's words.

Thoughts of the captain and whatever abuse he was putting Eren through darkened her mood significantly. It couldn't have been anything good since she could not find either of them anywhere on the base. Suffice to say he didn't stray far from her mind, anxiousness to see him growing when he wasn't at lunch either. This time Hange needing him for whatever reason, probably experiments, but maybe not since the commander didn't have much time do research these days. Couldn't they at least let him have a break to eat?

"Hey, Mikasa?"

"What is it?" She gave Sasha a quick glimpse from the book she was pretending to read to fill the afternoon free time with.

"Sooo, Niccolo was telling me that there were some ingredients left from that absolutely gorgeous meal they made us the other day and that he wants me to try a new dish he's been working on."

"Okay. Are you planning on sneaking out?"

"I should think I'm ranked high enough to not have to sneak out."

"Hmm." That could be true or it could not be true. She supposed she'd cover for Sasha either way. Whether it be because of her reciprocated feelings for Niccolo or the food she was surely excited to eat, Mikasa was always happy for her friend.

"C'mon, we both know you're not reading that."

"I could be."

"You're not," Sasha stated pushing the book down. Mikasa made sure to deadpan as hard as possible. "I want you to come with me."

"What?"

"Come eat with me and Niki."

"Why?"

"Because you've been sad all day and I know you've been waiting for Eren, but he'll definitely be too tired to eat dinner tonight. Why be disappointed more when you could join us instead."

"I don't think I have any interest in being the odd one out on your date." Mikasa smirked because surely the word would distract her away. She wanted to wait for Eren and she didn't want to do that away from the base. What if he finally came to see her and she was nowhere to be found?

"It's not a date! We're just trying some food."

"Sure, it's not and sure, you are." She immediately clapped her hands together, thumbs grazing the tip of her nose, ignoring the hear in her face.

"Please, Mikasa. Please, please, please, please, please. I just need some moral support, so I don't go crazy over the food and embarrass myself in front of him." Well when hearing it that way, she could understand her friend's concern even though that ship had sailed long ago, but she really wanted to see Eren. Sighing she looked from Sasha's pleading face to outside their window. It was just dinner. It wasn't like they would be out all night. Eren would be here after they came back. Maybe they could finally talk in the evening.

"Fine, I'll go."

"Yay! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Why was she so enthused was all Mikasa thought as she swatted the girl's affection away.

"Get off me, Sash."

"Sorry. Sorry. Civilian clothes. We leave in an hour."

Arm in arm, it was a forty-five-minute trek to the little restaurant they would be treated at. The place was small and cute, with various potted plants decorating the outside. It reminded Mikasa of a little cottage like something she hoped to one day live in. As she examine the detail of the windowpane, two figures, blurred by the frosted window, caught her attention. The blonde one was obviously Niccolo, but she could only make out the back of dark hair on the other one.

"Was someone else joining us?"

"No. Let's go inside." It wasn't clear if Sasha knew this, but her accent became a lot more pronounced when something was affecting her and it made Mikasa stop, her nervous expression obvious.

"There's obviously someone else in there. What's going on?"

"By the walls, Mikasa! It could be the owner, one of his friends, or a complete stranger. I'm not leading to your death, so just come inside already. It's getting colder." With that Sasha stopped trying to pull away from the front window and stomped inside, loudly greeting Niccolo. When did she get so bossy? Of course, she knew she wasn't trying to kill her, even if she didn't believe her guesses as to who it was inside with Niccolo. Whatever. Letting out a huff and following her friend inside, Mikasa closed the door gently behind her and immediately sought out the other occupants of the room. In front of a large fire stood Niki, excitedly chatting Sasha up. Next to them, bathed in the warm glow of the fireplace was Eren, who seemed to be waiting expectantly.

A/N: Boy this was a long one. Hopefully you enjoyed it though. Please feel free to share your thoughts, I always enjoy talking to and hearing from you guys. On my part, I know I always say that I am unsure about how the chapter turned out, but I can say with 85% certainty that I hate this one. All of the ingredients were here, but it just missed the mark for me. One of the major issues, is the pacing in my opinion, but it is what it is I guess. Everyone has a bad chapter every now and then. Hopefully you all found something in it to enjoy. Even though I don't like the way this turned out, it was still fun trying to figure Mikasa out and give her a sort of arc, no matter how small. Writing post completed canon is...strange.

Anyway. I looked at my notes and outline for this story and originally it was going to be seven chapters, but I think chapters 5 and 6 will be too short by themselves and may combine them. We'll see once the next one is complete.

Last thing. Thank you to everyone for your lovely messages and encouragement, especially my friend on tumblr who made me feel more at ease when I was feeling a bit of despair at writing this chapter. I have been working on it for a long time now and glad to finally be rid of it and put it out here. We will definitely see each other again at least two more times to finish this story up, so see you all next time!