I Like Your Laugh

by Kalum16

"When the journey starts, every meeting of their eyes is a glare. The only words they say are made up of snarls, insults, and vague threats." Both Squirrelpaw and Crowpaw think it would be lucky if they make the journey without tearing each other apart. They don't expect to bond. They don't expect to care. New Prophecy AU.

22. Stars and Honey

Feathertail didn't move once, save for the gentle hold of her tail on Squirrelpaw's back, as the apprentice cried into her chest. The cat let her friend release her swelling emotions, keeping close all the while until Squirrelpaw was ready to let go.

That wouldn't be so soon.

Squirrelpaw didn't think she had the heart to step away, lest it make her wake up to the bleak forest she could not call her home. Just a moment ago, it looked like Squirrelpaw had lost all the friends she had learnt to love. She had already lost Feathertail once, she couldn't lose her again. Her nose nuzzled deeper, her smile broadening as Feathertail's purr rumbled over her small body.

"It's alright, Squirrelpaw." Feathertail mewed. Her voice seemed to echo in starstruck ripples across the air. It felt nice; like a smooth stroke over Squirrelpaw's back. "I'm not going to disappear if you let go."

The chirp, sweet and strong, could have only been made by her.

Squirrelpaw didn't step back, but she looked up. Feathertail was still there. Her blue eyes glimmered impossibly. Every part of her from her fleecy soft tail to the glorious shine of her silver fur was as real as could be here. Squirrelpaw smiled, blinking away a few soft teardrops. "I missed you so much." She said, pressing her cheek against Feathertail's chest again for good measure.

She missed feeling like this. So happy. So comforted. It had been so long.

"I know. I missed you too." Squirrelpaw felt a smooth tongue brush comfortingly over her ear. "I'm so glad you're safe."

Despite the familiar love in that voice, Squirrelpaw's chest overturned.

Safe.

That was what Feathertail should have been as well. Squirrelpaw bit her lip as the sting of realisation racked in her skull. Even if she could smell and feel Feathertail here, the blunt, cruel voice of reality made itself heard in her head. This wasn't real. Not for Squirrelpaw anyway. Because she had seen the last remnants of Feathertail in her world. She had buried her beside the cats once called her friends.

The real parts of Feathertail were days away in the shadow of a waterfall. Lost in the memories of a final battle and sacrifice. The casualties of a failed plan.

Squirrelpaw's failed plan.

The ginger molly's face burned with painful responsibility. Almost instantly, Feathertail's purrs ceased. "Squirrelpaw?" She mewed.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I was such a mouse-brain." Squirrelpaw muttered, disgust strangling her chest. "Thinking that monster wouldn't realise the prey was poisoned." She looked up with a forlorn apology in her eyes. "If I had actually thought about things for once…"

"Squirrelpaw…"

"It's true." Squirrelpaw meowed, "I was so convinced it would work I didn't even think about the consequences. And look what happened."

Only three chosen cats returned.

Crowpaw becoming lifeless with torment.

Riverclan left without a sign.

The blame was clear.

Squirrelpaw's face fell, feeling how little she deserved to look her friend in the eyes. "You should have come home with us, and now…" The hot drips of tears welled up again. "I'm so sorry, Feather-"

The apprentice flinched as she felt something touch her chin. Squirrelpaw let out a shivering breath as Feathertail gently lifted her face until they were eye to eye. She half expected there to be cold disappointment in that gentle face, a culmination of the hate she deserved.

But Feathertail's face was the same as always. Kind, warm, worrying.

Squirrelpaw tried to look away, feeling suddenly guilty again, but Feathertail's paw kept their gazes locked. The silver cat let out a noise that could only be described as glistening. At once, their mystical surroundings seemed to twinkle.

"Squirrelpaw, please don't be so silly." Like always, even her scoldings sounded like encouragement. The paw brushed over Squirrelpaw's dampening eyes. "I didn't think I'd need to tell you that it wasn't your fault. What happened that night was already decided long before we met the Tribe. There was nothing that could have been done."

That did not make Squirrelpaw feel any better. Not when Feathertail still wasn't with them. "But maybe there was?"

Feathertail shook her head, her smile small. "There wasn't. It was my destiny to die there, Squirrelpaw."

Hearing that word was so much more gruelling than Squirrelpaw anticipated. Her eyes closed as she whipped her head feverishly. "No. Your destiny was to save Riverclan. That was what you were chosen for." She didn't want to imagine that she couldn't have saved Feathertail. There had to be some way.

"I thought that as well." Feathertail said, her eyes glazing. She looked up to the stars for a long moment. "But now I don't think I was meant to save the clans at all. I told you about the voices I heard the night before we rescued Stormfur."

Squirrelpaw slowly looked up, vaguely remembering the mention of voices.

Feathertail nodded. "I heard them Squirrelpaw. The ghosts of the Tribe. My own mother's voice. I didn't know what it meant at the time." Her sparkling body seemed to illuminate as her eyes closed. Squirrelpaw watched in awe as colours began to churn above them. The shadowy blue twirled like a hummingbird in flight, its starry wings fluttering and casting aside like soft clouds. Shades of yellow and red awoke in the blue, like chicks chirping for their first feed, before growing beside the dusky colour. Mixing in ways that Squirrelpaw thought were impossible, the misty sky stroked aside and caught itself in an unbelievable symphony of light and dark. Somehow the sky looked stuck between twilight and sunlight.

It was glorious.

Feathertail breathed like she could feel every stream of light in her fur. "But now, I think I understand. The Tribe was why I was chosen, Squirrelpaw. With all of your help, I achieved what I was destined for." Smiling, Feathertail licked Squirrelpaw's cheek. "I have my friends to thank for that."

Squirrelpaw didn't speak, her mouth ajar, still too amazed by the twisting sky and her friend's familiar benevolence. She breathed into her dry mouth. "But… But what about Riverclan?" She asked softly.

Feathertail blinked, then a soft grimace took over her mouth. There was a shade of knowing about her. "Riverclan will survive without me."

Squirrelpaw's chest began to hurt. The stony face of Leopardstar and the smug cruelty of Hawkfrost stung her memories. "Feathertail." How was she expected to say this? To say that the leader Feathertail had stood by all her life, even after being betrayed by her as a kit, had treated her sacrifice like nothing. The apprentice swallowed like stones were caught in her throat. "Riverclan said they won't come with the clans."

"I know, Squirrelpaw."

Surprise battered into Squirrelpaw like a falling tree. Feathertail knew? How could she…

"I've never left your sides." Feathertail said, she stepped forward to rub her pelt with the apprentice's. Squirrelpaw could hear the scratch of pain in her voice. "There hasn't been a moment where I haven't been watching over you all. Not once. I've seen everything Squirrelpaw, you don't have to explain what's happened."

There was a bizarre sense of relief that crossed Squirrelpaw at that moment. She didn't need to be the bearer of the terrible news. But when she thought about what Feathertail said, what it meant, she realised just how much Feathertail must have seen.

The destruction of the forest.

The rejection of the leaders.

The breakdown of her friends.

What realisation made way onto the apprentice's face was enough for Feathertail to wilt in a way that made Squirrelpaw's head hurt. A sickly feeling seemed to soak in her fur like damp mud. The image of Feathertail watching her clan ignore everything the cats had protested and fought for… "We tried." The ginger cat said weakly.

"Oh Squirrelpaw." Feathertail cooed, "There was nothing you could do. It was never going to be easy to convince all the leaders, even if I'd been there with you." She nudged the molly with a soft paw. "You should be proud! You were able to convince Firestar and Tallstar after all! That's better than nothing."

"But it isn't what we went on the journey for." Squirrelpaw's voice was a bitter low. "Every clan is meant to leave. That's the only way we'll all keep safe. But Shadowclan and Riverclan…" Squirrelpaw felt her claws clench as she saw Blackstar's disbelieving snarl and Hawkfrost's smug sneer. "If only the leaders would listen!"

A disappointed look shivered through Feathertail. "It is a shame that they're not convinced yet. But you can't lose hope, Squirrelpaw. I'm sure Tawnypelt and Stormfur will be able to convince the clans."

"What if they can't?" Brambleclaw's question echoed in Squirrelpaw's lips. "You saw how Blackstar and Leopardstar reacted, right? They won't listen to a word we say!" Her eyes burst wide open. "Why didn't we get a sign?" Squirrelpaw cried. "If we had just seen it the leaders could have known we were telling the truth! Where was Starclan when we needed them?" Suddenly hearing her own voice, her throat tightened as she looked around in fear. "Is-Is this Starclan? Or… a dream? Where are we?"

If she had practically cursed Starclan in their own territory it wouldn't do much good back home. Squirrelpaw bit her lip as she stared at Feathertail frightfully.

Feathertail let out a gentle chuckle, "Don't worry. I'm sure every cat in the forest is wondering where Starclan are right now?" She began to walk off into the direction of a bright field of flower laced hills, motioning with her tail for Squirrelpaw to follow. The apprentice gladly strolled on beside her, still keeping her head low in case she had offended any of her ancestors.

"You are dreaming, Squirrelpaw. But this place is connected to Starclan." The Warrior explained. As they began to approach the flowery scopes of land, Squirrelpaw was amazed when she saw the flowers bend in their beds of land, as if the hills were creating a path for them. The crisp path of emerald grass was cool and sent a pleasurable shimmer over the she cats paws. "Every Warrior is connected in their spirits to Starclan so some can see it in visions or dreams if Silverpelt allows it. But this place is a little different since its connected to me."

"Huh?" Squirrelpaw flicked an ear. "Connected to you?"

Feathertail nodded, still advancing up the hill. "Each spirit is their own, Squirrelpaw. And each has their own path to take once their time in life is over. My path led me to the Tribe of Rushing Water, and since I died on their land…" Feathertail paused as she reached the top of the hill, and her fur began to wisp back in a cool breeze as she overlooked something. Squirrelpaw rose a brow, her heart racing suddenly in a curious drive. She pounced up the path to where Feathertail sat, and her jaw dropped at what she saw.

The hill overlooked a wide, overreaching river that slid between two starlit patches of land. Squirrelpaw blinked in astonishment. The river seemed to be made up of thousands of beaming stars that twinkled a pure blue in the soft ripples of water. A cool, murky scent filled Squirrelpaw's senses that she soon identified as the scent of the Tribe's cave. But with it was the wet tang of salt as well as the summery aroma of wet sand and pebbles. They melded together to craft the sweet bite of the sea.

Colours danced in the air, dynamic on the rush of the water. They rushed over the horizon in a gentle drift that sounded familiar to the tide of the waterfall. Dew flashed on blades of grass, casting what looked like more stars into the sky.

"Where we are is the border between Starclan and the Tribe of Endless Hunting. To be honest, I think I got lucky with where I ended up, don't you?" Feathertail's chipper laugh bounded into the horizon.

Squirrelpaw could only nod, too spell bounded to speak. It was true. This place was beautiful; beyond Squirrelpaw's wildest dreams. She could smell the distant traces of prey and hear, like waves in the furthest corners of the light, the scattered, whispery echoes of laughter and smile cast voices.

This place was everything the stories of her elders could have imagined and more. And Feathertail somehow had found herself between two worlds that seemed to accept her, instead of refused by both. Squirrelpaw's heart swelled. This paradise was just what Feathertail deserved after everything she'd done. At the very least, Squirrelpaw could be happy that her friend was somewhere safe and bright instead of the terrors in the forest.

She would never come back, but Squirrelpaw could let her heart soothe knowing that Feathertail had been rewarded for her sacrifice.

But when she thought of home…

Squirrelpaw's ears pinned back as illness clawed her again. "But… why didn't Starclan give us a sign?"

Feathertail sighed, "I'm sorry. I can't answer that."

Squirrelpaw gave her a wounded look. "Why?"

"It's not up to me. I don't have the power to make those kind of decisions."

"Then who does?"

"There are many cats Squirrelpaw." She shrugged sadly, "I'm just not one of them."

"But what about the forest?" Squirrelpaw exclaimed. "You've all seen what's happened to the forest! The clans are going to break apart if nothing changes! We need Starclan to help us!"

Feathertail's face grew grave, "There are some cats down there that don't believe Starclan has any power in the forest anymore."

Squirrelpaw grit her teeth. That was true. Blackstar had openly declared that the forest had no meaning for the clans anymore. Perhaps it wasn't too hard to see he didn't trust Starclan would save them if they hadn't stopped this destruction at all.

"Is that it then? We can't get a sign because there are clans that don't believe what we're saying?" They had all tried to make them see, but what could a group of Warriors who'd 'abandoned' their clans do to persuade a group of angry, starving cats. Did the clans truly have to divide because of the choices of a few leaders?

Feathertail's muzzle wrinkled, as if she was being held back from saying the truth. Another sigh left her. "Maybe. Perhaps it just wasn't the time."

Squirrelpaw's eyes grew wide with disbelief. "We can't waste any more time as it is, Feathertail!"

"I'm sorry, Squirrelpaw." Feathertail's mew was drenched with sadness. "I would help if I could. I can't bare the thought of my Clan suffering through this."

Squirrelpaw couldn't help but scoff, her tail swiping angrily. "According to Leopardstar, Riverclan has nothing to worry about at all." The stony look on the leader's face was nothing but an insult to Squirrelpaw. Did the mouse-brain not understand anything? How could she just look at the chaos around her and just ignore it? How could any leader be so selfish?

Feathertail kept silent, looking aside. A twist of guilt came over Squirrelpaw at bad mouthing her friend's leader. But… surely Feathertail knew that Leopardstar was going to hurt her clan if she did nothing? She kept quiet herself, waiting for Feathertail to respond.

The silver cat's eyes looked distant. The sway of her tail told Squirrelpaw how hard she was thinking of what to say; as if carrying its own battle of will with every pulse of muscle. "Leopardstar is a stubborn cat. I can tell you that much myself."

That was an understatement. Squirrelpaw knew to keep her mouth shut.

Feathertail's eyes furrowed. The bare hint of anger looked distorted and wrong on the she cat. "I would be the first to admit that Leopardstar has made many terrible choices as a leader."

Squirrelpaw shrank a little as the meaning dived into her. The rotten story of bone hill crept up her spine. After something like that, Squirrelpaw couldn't help but wonder if being stuck with Leopardstar as a leader was its own prison for Riverclan.

But Feathertail's anger didn't last. On her face, it never could. With a deep breath, her face was as calm as the rivers water once again. "And there was a time when I thought Leopardstar did care more about herself than Riverclan. But not anymore. I know it seems hard to believe, but everything she does is what she thinks would benefit her Clan most of all."

Squirrelpaw rolled her eyes. Whether it came from her father or Feathertail, she couldn't let it soften her impression of Leopardstar. "Even if that's true, Feathertail, it doesn't mean she's right."

"I know." Feathertail said with a soft laugh. "But I can't let that ruin the fact that she was my leader."

Squirrelpaw paused. "Why?" Didn't Feathertail have the right to judge her leader's poor decisions?"

Feathertail stared off. Above her the surge of red and blue began to mellow. "After what happened during Tigerstar's reign, I was angry at her for so long."

Of course she would be. She'd been betrayed for Starclan's sake. That wasn't Feathertail's fault.

"I won't lie to you. There were many times when I wished that Leopardstar would just go away for good. Every day in fact."

At that, Squirrelpaw did freeze. While that kind of resentment was certainly understandable, the idea of Feathertail wishing for any cat to just die was too bizarre. But Squirrelpaw supposed that every cat, no matter how nice, had their limits.

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. I just hated her, blamed her for giving us up like that. But one day a fox attacked our territory and got a hold of Leopardstar. She told us to run away but I helped save her life."

"What?" Squirrelpaw struggled to grasp that. A leader had nine lives to lose, while a Warrior only had one. Did Feathertail really risk her own to save a leader she hated, a leader that had allowed a cat to attack her as a kit? "But why?"

"Because it was the right thing to do. And if I ran away, when I knew I could have saved her, that would have been just as wrong as what she did. She may have chosen her own mistakes, but I wasn't going to do something like that."

All in all, that answer was just what Squirrelpaw would have expected from Feathertail. Too good for her own good. Saving a cat even though she didn't forgive her.

It was things like that that made her one of the greatest cats Squirrelpaw ever knew.

Feathertail exhaled, the strain on her brow dimming. "After that happened, she finally came over to me and apologised for what happened." A light chuckle purred in Feathertail, "That was never something I expected from her." She paused again.

Squirrelpaw bit her lip. "What did you say?"

Feathertail turned, and her face was as soft as spring moss. "I forgave her."

The apprentice sighed, more in disbelief than anything. "How?"

"Because when she screamed at me to run away from that fox, I realised who Leopardstar was. She isn't a bad cat. She cares for her Warriors more than anything." Her eyes closed as an embarrassed simper waved over her. "She's just unfortunately a fool of herself, sometimes at the very worst moment. If she thinks her decision can benefit the greater good, she will follow through with it. She's a hot-head, but she isn't an awful cat."

Was that much better? Squirrelpaw hated more than anything that she doubted her friends words, but even if Leopardstar believed she was doing the right thing, it didn't erase the fact that her foolish decisions were foolish decisions. This was a time where no cat could afford to doubt their only chance of survival. It was hard to feel sorry for a leader instead of the many cats they put in danger.

"I understand what you mean, Feathertail." Squirrelpaw sighed, resignation clouding her eyes. "But that doesn't change her decision. Leopardstar doesn't want to travel with the clans. What does that mean for Riverclan? They didn't even believe Stormfur! What else can we do?" If Feathertail had any words of wisdom that she could share out of Starclan's light, Squirrelpaw was desperate to hear it.

Feathertail turned to Squirrelpaw and just smiled. "Leopardstar learnt her mistakes before. I think she'll soon realise what she needs to do. I trust her." She began to slowly pad down the hill towards the river.

Squirrelpaw blinked. Was that it? Trust?

She bounded after Feathertail. "Feathertail?" Squirrelpaw exclaimed, "She wasn't convinced after fourtrees were torn from their roots! She won't change her mind now!"

"She might." Feathertail said gently, "I think we both know that what's happening to the forest isn't going away anytime soon. Sooner or later, I think Leopardstar will see that Riverclan can't stay there anymore."

Squirrelpaw ran her tongue over the inside of her teeth. "But Riverclan hasn't been affected yet! And even if they are soon, it won't matter if the other clans have already decided to separate! Shadowclan is already thinking of moving to the Twoleg-place!"

"They haven't yet." Feathertail responded, shifting her paw to avoid stepping on a lone flower. Then she stopped where she stood, making her friend pause beside her. "There's still time, Squirrelpaw. I'm sure that Stormfur and Tawnypelt will do all they can to make sure that doesn't happen." She faced Squirrelpaw, gleaming. "And I'm certain that you, Crowpaw and Brambleclaw will do all you can to help as well."

The bite of those words, of the belief in them, was excruciating. Squirrelpaw slowly looked down, a harsh dread spilling inside her. She had seen Brambleclaw's defeated face, and it was becoming harder and harder to fight the loss enveloping them all. Especially after…

Squirrelpaw wanted desperately to be the strong cat Feathertail clearly thought she was. But everything was falling apart, including her own beliefs. She hated it, she really did, but she was losing her own will after seeing it drain from each of her friends.

If they were even friends anymore.

It seemed the leaders had taken that choice from them as well.

Each of their faces had been a shell. Nothing reminiscent of the cats Squirrelpaw had fought life and death with. They didn't sound the same anymore. It was like they were husks for their clans instead of cats that had battled to save them. Their clans didn't trust them anymore. What chance did they have when they were divided.

She had heard words that her own nightmares hadn't given her journey mates to speak.

She had said them herself.

"Feathertail, I don't think there's anything else we can do." She couldn't bring herself to look up at Feathertail at that moment. The imagination of the heartbreak was painful enough. "We can't go against our leaders. Things aren't the same anymore."

Silence.

Squirrelpaw cringed. Now she really couldn't meet those sad eyes.

"I-I want to help them. I promise I do! B-But…" Her jaw squared, "I don't know what to do! It's like the journey didn't even matter! Tallstar is pressuring my father to leave soon; what am I supposed to do if me and Brambleclaw can't convince them for more time?"

More silence.

Squirrelpaw's mouth trembled.

Of course.

There was no answer she'd like.

"I-I don't even know if the others think we'll be able to leave together. We-We might have to…" She didn't know if she could say it.

The feeling of soft paws on her ear made her voice die down. "Feathertail?" Squirrelpaw looked up but a paw kept her still.

"Just a moment."

The paws were fussing over her ear. Squirrelpaw felt something delicate and smooth brush the outer fur. The pungent waft of honey sent a shiver in Squirrelpaw's senses. It almost felt like…

Her breath slowed. She knew this feeling. She suddenly felt the urge to cry.

Feathertail proudly sauntered back, admiring her work. "There. It suits you."

The flower was thin and red, petals tufted together like dandelion fluff. It lay in Squirrelpaw's ear like it had always been there. She could barely feel it even. But she recognised the weight of a flower. She carried one for a long time.

Cherished times.

Feathertail's smile thinned. She ushered Squirrelpaw with her tail, reigniting their walk to the river. "Let me ask you something," The cat cooed. Her voice was devoid of judgement which scared Squirrelpaw all the more. "Do you really believe that the others would let their clans abandon you?"

Squirrelpaw sighed, "Feathertail, they don't have a-"

"Ignore that." She prompted, "I want you to answer me that." She meowed. "Do you, in your heart, really think the others would abandon you?"

Two cold blue eyes burned on the apprentice's brain.

"Crowpaw said that he would."

Feathertail let out a soft breath, "Forget what he said. I'm asking if you truly believe that they would?" Squirrelpaw felt Feathertail's eyes on her as if they were a leader's. They didn't blink once, as if they refused to until they got an answer. "If it was their clan that agreed to leave while yours refused, do you think they would just leave you behind?"

Squirrelpaw's gaze flew up.

If her clan had refused to leave instead?

The idea hadn't caught her before. It was like she was a fly trapped in an invisible web. She thought of her and Brambleclaw, stuck worrying while Firestar refused to leave their home. She thought of Leopardstar and Blackstar or even Tallstar, content with letting him stay in his stubborn prison. And then she thought of her previous friends, safe in their decision to leave. If it meant their survival, would they truly just abandon a cat they'd travelled beside?

The question should have been made of fire and dark, ready to swarm whatever they could feast on.

But all it left Squirrelpaw with was a hollow breath.

Because whenever she thought of any of those cats turning their backs on them, she didn't recognise what she saw.

"I… I don't…" Squirrelpaw spluttered.

"No?" Feathertail offered with a light shake of her whiskers.

Squirrelpaw exhaled, her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "…No." She said sagely.

"And why do you think that?"

"Because… they just wouldn't." She had no reason, just a cracked stone of certainty.

"You trust them?"

Squirrelpaw almost felt offended, "Of course I do!"

"So why don't you trust that they'll do everything they can to stop their leaders?"

"That's… That's different."

"Is it?"

Wasn't it?

"If you trust that they wouldn't leave you behind, wouldn't they trust that you wouldn't leave them behind?"

"We'd never leave them behind!" Squirrelpaw affirmed, "That's what Firestar is trying to avoid!"

"So if they trust you to do that, don't you have any faith in them trying to make sure the journey is completed?" Feathertail's tail gently stroked the underside of Squirrelpaw's chin. "Otherwise, what would be the point of believing in your clans?"

It was hard to tell why Squirrelpaw felt something inside of Feathertail's words. It might have been because they came from a Starclan cat, it might have been because they offered a rare chance of hope that Squirrelpaw couldn't let slip.

Mostly it was because it came from Feathertail.

The cat who had always made her honestly sound so strong.

Squirrelpaw hadn't realised they'd made it to the river until Feathertail had stopped at the bank. She looked over the edge and gawked. This close, it really did look like there was a horde of small winking stars swimming in the currents like golden tadpoles. She felt a soft touch on her shoulder that she knew was Feathertail's paw.

"I know how you feel, Squirrelpaw. I saw the meeting." Her face twisted as she pulled the apprentice a little closer, resting her chin on the soft head. Squirrelpaw shivered, holding in her breath. "It broke my heart to see you all in such pain. I wish there was something I could do."

Squirrelpaw sank her cheek into the chest morosely, "But you can't."

"No, I can't." Feathertail nodded, "But you all can. You need to have faith in each other, even if it seems pointless."

"I… I want to, Feathertail. But…"

"No buts. If you don't believe in them for a moment, then you're showing that you don't trust yourselves. I know it's hard, but you can't give up. I won't either. I believe in Leopardstar the same that I believe in all of you." Feathertail pulled back, her paws on both of Squirrelpaw's shoulders. The apprentice met the confident eyes with a lack of breath. "If you don't have trust, then you don't have faith, and without faith there's no hope." Feathertail's stare stiffened, "And without hope… what do you have?"

Nothing. Nothing was what you had.

Squirrelpaw stared brokenly at her friend, as if trying to piece together a forgotten memory.

Feathertail sighed, her head lowering, then rising up with a small, but full, smile. "Please Squirrelpaw. Please just trust in them. Tawnypelt, Crowpaw… Stormfur-" Her breath went jagged for a second, but she quickly rebuilt herself. "They need you. More than ever. Please don't give up on them. Because they wouldn't give up on you."

Give up. There were times where Squirrelpaw wouldn't touch that phrase with a whisker. It made her feel too much. And she knew why that was.

Because the phrase brought nothing good in its wake.

At home, it had become so powerful.

But here, in the light of Feathertail's pure confidence, Squirrelpaw felt the slightest power to reject it once again. Because even in her coldest moments, she couldn't imagine those cats ever giving up on each other. They may not believe in themselves, Squirrelpaw hardly felt she could do anything.

But maybe that was why they trusted each other so much?

They placed all their beliefs into their… Friends or not. It meant something.

Squirrelpaw hoped.

It was like Feathertail said, without hope, there wasn't anything.

Her mouth began to curl into a reluctant, but rewarding smile. "I'll do my best, Feathertail. I promise."

She had to try. Because they would do the same for her.

Feathertail wouldn't waste her hope on nothing. Squirrelpaw would make sure of that.

Feathertail beamed, purring extensively. "Thank you, Squirrelpaw. That's all I ask." The two she cats found their gazes drawn to the water again. It was mystifying; watching the maelstrom of colours glitz with a feverish vitality. The beauty of it all gave Squirrelpaw a fresh wash of peace.

"I can't speak for the others, but I'll do what I can. For all of us."

Feathertail stepped back with a light laugh. "I know you will. I have faith in you all."

Squirrelpaw smiled at the hope in her friend's voice. She had always been the one to lift their spirits. The one who dreamed for them all.

'That was my mistake.'

Squirrelpaw thought the voice had come from the water at first. It was too hostile and crooked to git here.

But that was because it came from home.

Squirrelpaw saw her face warp in the water.

Feathertail's did too.

"Yes." She said cooly. "That was something else we needed to talk about."

Squirrelpaw didn't even question how Feathertail knew what was wrong. She was too sickened to do that. She realised that by seeing everything at the meeting, Feathertail had truly seen 'eveything'. Including those painful words.

What could Squirrelpaw even say? Crowpaw's sudden attitude had knocked the wind out of her as well. If Feathertail had heard Crowpaw demean her sacrifice, her beliefs, their journey like that?

It had hurt Squirrelpaw immensely. For a number of reasons.

Feathertail must have had it so much worse. After all she had…

"I really wish you'd told me, Squirrelpaw."

Squirrelpaw blinked. In the water, Feathertail's mouth was in a straight line and her eyes were half-lidded. Squirrelpaw looked up at her, a brow raised. "Told you what?"

Feathertail faced her, and her head cocked knowingly. It was the thin, disappointed smile that first made the incredible tremor of complete and utter horror sink into Squirrelpaw's throat like a weasel's jaws. Her pupils shrank as she suddenly felt all of her breath sucked out of her. Her throat began to hurt, and she really felt now that she was going to vomit.

Feathertail just sighed, deep, out of her nose. "You know what I mean, Squirrelpaw."

Oh dear.

Squirrelpaw began to look for some kind of excuse, anything at all. But Feathertail just looked at her so calmly and unjudgmental that it was impossible to form a sentence.

"I- I- I jus- I couldn't-" She looked up again in a panic, and when it became clear that Feathertail wasn't going to do anything else apart from crane her head and let her disappointment deepen a little more, Squirrelpaw let her head drop in defeat.

There was nowhere to hide anymore.

Not from Feathertail.

Not from herself.

"How- How did you find out?"

Feathertail's lips tugged to the side, "I told you. I haven't left your side once." She licked her chest, "It gave some time to really notice some things."

Squirrelpaw covered her face with a forepaw, hissing through her teeth. Was she really that obvious? How pathetic. The paw dropped and she stared dejectedly into the water. "I'm… I'm sorry Feathertail."

"Oh Squirrelpaw, don't do that." Feathertail actually looked annoyed this time. She brushed her face with a paw, "What could you possibly be sorry for?"

Squirrelpaw picked her head up, cowed by the frustration but intrigued by the question. "I- Well, because you… liked him? And I didn't…"

"Didn't what? Stop liking him too! Come on, Squirrelpaw, do you really think I'm that shallow?"

Squirrelpaw looked away, biting her lip. She'd already managed to say something wrong. It would only get worse from here. She kept her face ruefully away from Feathertail.

Her ear quivered at a soft sigh. "Squirrelpaw, please look at me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice."

A pack of stones lay in Squirrelpaw's stomach. If there was any kindness, they would let her sink into the water like she deserved. It never came so Squirrelpaw was forced to accept her punishment and look back at her judgement.

It just hit Squirrelpaw then that for some reason, Feathertail didn't cast a shadow onto the ground. "Squirrelpaw," She said gently, "I'm not upset that you felt the same as me about Crowpaw."

Squirrelpaw's whiskers twitched with disbelief. "You're… not?"

"No. I'm upset because you didn't think you could tell me about it." Feathertail's eyes dimmed a little guiltily, "I'm upset because I didn't notice how much you were hurting the whole time."

Every muscle in Squirrelpaw tightened and every instinct and emotion overflowed. "Feathertail… it wasn't your fault. I- I just never told you." She looked down again. "I never told anyone. I couldn't."

Something tired and pained cast over Feathertail, "I know. That's one of the things that's hard to take." She didn't stop even when Squirrelpaw's tail began to shake. "I mean, you were my best friend, Squirrelpaw. I didn't realise what I was doing when I told you how I felt."

Squirrelpaw grimaced, "I, uh, kind of figured it out before you told me." She licked her shoulder, aghast. "Sorry Feathertail, you weren't really hiding it."

Feathertail blushed, then her lips parted for a quiet fit of laughter. "Guess I was even less subtle, wasn't I?"

Squirrelpaw couldn't help but smile along. "You could say that."

"I'm sorry. If I'd known that you'd liked him too I would have tried to talk to you about it." She moved forward, her eyes half closing with a frown. "Why didn't you tell me? We could have talked about it!"

Squirrelpaw looked up with a tight frown, "I- I couldn't do that."

"Why not? We're friends aren't we?"

"Of course!" Squirrelpaw meowed, "That's why I didn't say anything!"

Feathertail drew back, a sad look in her expression.

The dismay in Squirrelpaw's stomach was hard to swallow down. She had kept this hidden for so long, for everyone's benefit but her own. And here she was, about to reveal it all to her dead best friend. Why did life have to be such a thorn in her tail?

"You liked him, Feathertail. Probably before me. I couldn't get in the way of that." The tenderness she looked at Feathertail with was overshadowed by a gruelling dejection. "You're one of the greatest cats I know, Feathertail. If anyone deserved to be with him, it was you. I didn't want to make things… harder for anyone if I suddenly got involved."

She didn't want to prove that nagging hiss, the one that told her all she did was ruin things for others, right. She didn't think she could live with that.

"Squirrelpaw." The pensive glow in Feathertail's eyes unnerved the apprentice. "That wouldn't have happened at all. The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you. You really kept quiet all this time because you thought you'd upset me?"

Squirrelpaw could only nod. It made sense after all.

"Oh my." Feathertail murmured. She stepped forward again and Squirrelpaw could see the tired, but honest love in her expression. "Squirrelpaw, I know you just wanted me to be happy. But please, we're friends. We shouldn't keep secrets like that from each other. Especially if it was hurting you."

"It wasn't hurting me."

All Feathertail needed to do was stare to show what a terrible lie that was.

Squirrelpaw groaned. "I just… if you two could have been happy together… I think I could have lived with that." Was her voice breaking at the end of that? She hissed. Why was she so bad at keeping herself together?! She sniffed. "It doesn't matter now. You heard what he said right? He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you." Feathertail said it smoothly. Plainly.

That just made Squirrelpaw angry. Impossibly, frustratedly angry.

"Are you kidding me? Yes, he does!"

"I can assure you, he doesn't."

Once again. Just plain and simple.

Once more, Squirrelpaw grit her teeth.

A growl left Squirrelpaw's throat. She couldn't stop it, even as she found herself glaring at Feathetail's reflection. It was too much of an effort to look at her like this.

"You weren't there!" It was a mouse-brained, technically a lie, excuse. But Squirrelpaw wasn't thinking. All she thought about were his words.

"Yes I was." Feathertail said softly, she tried to stroke Squirrelpaw's back with her tail, and succeeded when the ginger cat didn't find the energy to move. "And I never heard him say I hate you."

"He might as well have! He said that it was a mistake to think we'd be friends! He said that your sacrifice didn't matter! What else could he have meant?"

"He did say that didn't he?" Feathertail said gently, her half-lidded expression finding Squirrelpaw's squinting scowl. There was a moment where Squirrelpaw accepted this as a reluctant victory.

But then Feathertail spoke on. "But what did you say back to him?"

'She'd be ashamed of you.'

Squirrelpaw's heart squeezed as she felt the words run over her mouth like sand. Inside the water, Feathertail's reflection took on a quiet glance that Squirrelpaw could barely look at. It was only the shame that kept her neck stiff that didn't take her away.

"He deserved it."

"In a way, I suppose he did. But I'm not ashamed of him, you know? I could never be ashamed of either of you."

Squirrelpaw kept quiet.

"It's just sad; seeing the two of you fight." Feathertail's body edged close

"He started it."

"The Twolegs started it, Squirrelpaw. But I know what you mean, he had no right to say what he said."

Squirrelpaw wasn't as pleased by Feathertail taking her side as she thought she would. Mostly because she'd have preferred it if those words hadn't been said to begin with.

"He acted like we were strangers." Squirrelpaw's bitter mew hissed. "I thought he'd changed. But it was just like when we first met." Her tail lashed with broken-hearted rage. The poison in his snarl, the ferocity in his eyes, she'd seen it before. Her head dipped. Maybe it was her fault for getting her hopes up.

To Squirrelpaw's ever increasing unease, Feathertail just nodded her head, still empty eyed. "I know. He did really act awful, didn't he? And you're right, it did remind me of how he was at the start. He didn't want to know any of us."

If Feathertail was a storm, then her words were hail. They battered Squirrelpaw mercilessly in their agreement, making Squirrelpaw squirm and shake in sickness she didn't fully understand. She didn't speak.

"So?" Feathertail's voice rose into a questioning mew. "Why did we ever like him in the first place?"

There, Squirrelpaw stood face to face with her reflection. She felt confused, because in the water, she was surrounded by some kind of glow that took over every patch of her. Above the surface, she was dry inside and out.

But something was making her tremble.

"I mean," Feathertail continued casually, "We knew at the start that he hated us. So why did we both grow to like him so much?"

The longer Squirrelpaw stared, the more she was sure she was going mad. Because she could swear that the water was changing, twisting, mirroring a stream of visions. At first a black tide rippled, angry and wolfish, sterile and disconnected from anything, it stared with hatred, two blue eyes creasing in the hissing foam.

But Squirrelpaw thought.

Why?

The water changed.

The water seemed to push and pull like a tide, and each time Squirrelpaw saw something new. She watched the black shape turn grey and strangely start to glow. Maybe it was the stars. Maybe not. But regardless, it changed and churned.

"I know why I liked him anyway." Feathertail's voice whistled somewhere close. "So how about you? After all, I remember that at the start all the two of you did was fight? Why after all that did you become friends with him?"

Good question.

Squirrelpaw's head felt like wet moss. She couldn't think.

The water spoke for her.

She heard a voice anyway, as a flurry of images slipped through the river.

'I don't need to take credit from another clan either, Squirrelbreath!'

'Thank you… What? She derserves it. It was brave.'

'Any clan would be lucky to have that kind of apprentice.'

'And you shouldn't let your guard down so easily.'

'Yeah… I'd like that.'

'If you need to talk, we can, you know?'

The next image made Squirrelpaw touch her cheek. She felt the tingle of her fur as her cheek was gently licked.

For a moment she thought that the frantic steam of her breath had made a fog over her eyes, when in reality her eyes had become full of tears. They didn't drop immediately, just lay obscuring her vision, moulding the scowling dark shape until Squirrelpaw was sure she could see something new and intimate.

A face she knew, that smiled.

Softly, Squirrelpaw smiled back at the vision. "I became friends with him, because I found out who he was."

Feathertail began to purr, content. "Really?"

"Yes. He acted like a complete mouse-brain at first. And I can honestly say I hated him." Her head turned from the water, stationary, looking into Feathertail's chest fluff. "But after a while, we became friends. He was still a mouse-brain." The two she-cats laughed fleetingly, "But he helped me… a lot. And he was kinder than even he thought he was, I think. He was brave, and funny, and…" Squirrelpaw sniffed. "Good. He was a good cat."

Squirrelpaw didn't look up as Feathertail's paws wrapped themselves around her shoulders, gently letting the smaller cat's forehead bump against her chest. Feathertail let the cat cry, not flinching, always patting her back with her paw. "Hmm. Sounds like you really do like him?"

Squirrelpaw laughed and cried into the fur. "Yeah. I love him." Maybe she said that so faintly because of the stupendous relief it gave her to say it out loud. "And now he…"

"Squirrelpaw. I promise you; he doesn't hate you."

"But he said-"

"I know what he said. But remember that he's a mouse-brain." Feathertail snorted, "Sometimes cats say things they don't mean when they're upset."

Squirrelpaw cringed. Point taken.

"I'm not saying you should forgive what he said. But no matter how he acts, we both know he can't do this on his own. The same that you or I couldn't." Feathertail let her head rest on the apprentice's neck. "You didn't give up on him before, I wouldn't think you would now."

"It isn't that easy. The clans are fighting for their lives. How am I supposed to help him, or anyone for Starclan's sake?" Squirrelpaw sobbed.

The fur pulled away, leaving Squirrelpaw alone for a cold second. Then a placid set of paws came over her eyes, as soft as a mother cradling a kit. Squirrelpaw sniffed again, but her eyes were dry. She blinked. Feathertail sat before her, a strong grin on her jaws.

"You're a smart cat, Squirrelpaw." Feathertail meowed. "I know you'll figure it out."

All her life, Squirrelpaw had yearned for a cat to believe in her. It was Feathertail that had done that for the first time, and even here, in this mist of stars and doubt, she did the same. A warmth began to beat inside of Squirrelpaw like a second heart.

Feathertail's paw moved over the flower, adjusting it safely, a trace of sad resignation in her eyes. Squirrelpaw mewed in confusion, then looked around. Her jaw dropped. The mid-air stars had began to glow, bright and shining, making Squirrelpaw begin to squint. The sound of the river began to crash. Fear began to claw Squirrelpaw.

"What's going on?"

"You're waking up."

"What?" No! This wasn't fair! Squirrelpaw didn't have the strength to say goodbye again. "No, Feathertail, please!" She lunged forward wrapping her paws around her friend again, her grit teeth and tear soaked eyes let the silver fur absorb them. "Please don't go! We, all of us, need you!"

The paws tenderly touched the apprentice's shoulders again. "No. You need each other." Feathertail's mew began to fade as the sound of water began to drum into Squirrelpaw's ears. "Stay safe. I promise I'll always be watching you all!"

"No!" Squirrelpaw sobbed. "Please! Stay with me just a little longer."

"You're strong, Squirrelpaw. Save your clan. Save the others. Look after him."

Squirrelpaw sobbed until the white of the stars filled her eyes and the roar of the river drowned out the sky. But she was aware of Feathertail's smile, constant on her cheek. And she felt her ear smooth as if it was being groomed.

When she awoke in the gully, she found that she was in fact receiving a wake up groom from Shrewpaw. He poked her with his paw, calling for her to get up as Firestar was about to announce something important.

Squirrelpaw didn't respond, even when Shrewpaw and Whitepaw began to ask what was wrong. She touched the fur beside her ear and felt nothing there. Her head dipped low. She might have stayed there the whole morning if it wasn't for the twitching of her nose.

Her eyes widened, her back fur flaring as her legs stiffened up.

Shrewpaw and Whitepaw cocked their heads in confusion when Squirrelpaw asked them if they smelt what she smelt.

Was that?

She sniffed again.

But the forest was… how did she…

She sniffed again.

Her paw touched her ear.

She sniffed again.

The smell was stronger.

Not so calmly, Squirrelpaw began to smile, and a surge of confidence grappled her chest. Then she bounded past her shell shocked friends out of the gully and into the morning light and the faint scent of honey.

She wouldn't give up. Not now. Not ever. And not as long as she knew that someone was watching her, believing in her.

…

By the starlit pool, a lone silver shape sat quietly. She stared at her reflection, contemplating.

"Are you okay?"

The silver cat didn't need to turn. She could recognise the voice of her mother.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Her mother strode to the edge of the river, her mouth fixed into a knowing line.

"You know how it will end for them, right?" The older cat, if she could still be called that in this gleaming afterflife, said. It was better to be honest. It wouldn't be respectful to her daughter to be anything but. "That he didn't… return your feelings?"

Her daughter nodded, accepting but reluctant.

Silverstream hummed into the gentle stream. "And how does that make you feel?"

For a long time Feathertail only sat there, silent. She breathed, her eyes hidden from her mother. "Well, there's definitely a pain in my chest. It isn't that nice, obviously."

Silverstream waited.

Feathertail turned, and despite the tears in her eyes, she truly looked overjoyed. "But I'm so happy for them." She beamed.

Silverstream smiled. "That's nice."

…

Yay, it didn't take me a month to upload this time! I'll get the wine!

Here we have a nice dose of therapy session bonding and climax of long overdue feelings! But alas, little Squirrelpaw, we'll have to see if this truly is the start of something better! (Believe me, I want it as much as you)

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review if you did or didn't.

And as always, I'll talk to you in a while.