Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners.
Just at the outskirts of Toad Town, Dante was having himself some pizza in their new Devil May Cry facility, where on the inside… it looked just about the same as their old home. They were pretty busy with many calls about Grimm here, Malicious monsters there… never really a dull moment.
Once the man finished his pizza, he grabbed his ice cream and dug in… right when the door opened up. "Hey Dante! You got mail!" Nero called out.
"Hmm? Let me guess… it's attending a little Toad's birthday party."
"No… it's something else." Nero said as he handed it to him.
"Let me finish this real quick." Dante said, happily enjoying his ice cream.
Trish peeked in. "Did he open it yet?"
"No, he's pleasuring himself with ice cream… again."
"Can't go wrong with vanilla!" Dante said.
"Oh for the love of!" Lady barged in. "Dante, just read the stinkin' letter!"
"Alright, alright…" Dante took a look at the letter… where he would notice a certain emblem on the flap. "…Oh?" He wondered as he opened it up, unaware of Vergil and Nico walking in as well.
"Oh good, I was hoping he would have read it." Nico said.
"Hmph. I was thinking I would have read it to him." Vergil smirked.
"…Well, I'll be damned." Dante chuckled.
"Dear Dante - You are hearby invited to participate in the Super Smash Bros Ultimate tournament. Come join the party! It'll be a lot of fun - Master Hand."
"Heh, you go in there just to have drinks with Ryu while bringing Phoenix and Maya along and look what happens." Dante smirked. "No doubt in my mind that Ryu recommended me."
He stood up, chuckling as he geared himself up. "Ladies, family… Vergil-" He saw Vergil rolling his eyes. "Pack it up. This party is about to get crazier!"
Meanwhile…
"Hmhmhm~" Shantae hummed while she was fishing.
"There she is!"
"Huh?" Shantae wondered as a shadow overlapped her as she looked up to see Azure above her before landing on the ground, then Team RWBY hopped off. "Oh, hey guys! What's going on?"
"We got somethin' for ya!" Yang smiled.
"Oh?" Shantae wondered as Ruby handed her a letter. "A letter?"
"Flip it over!" Ruby smiled as Shantae flipped it over… and saw the Smash Logo on the flap.
"HUH?!" Shantae said in surprise. "…This has to be a joke, right?" She asked and looked at the team. "Right?"
"It's not." Weiss smiled as Shantae's eyes widened in surprise as she opened it up.
Dear Shantae - You are hereby invited to compete in the Super Smash Bros Ultimate Tournament. It will be a honor if you were to be here! - Master Hand
Shantae's hands shook, readig the message over and over again as tears formed in her eyes. "I… I made it…?" She whispered, tears falling onto the letter. "I… I made it!"
"You'd feel right at home… not to mention Ruby kept recommending you." Blake smiled, causing Ruby to giggle.
"I… oh gosh…" Shantae immediately hugged Ruby, burying herself in her shoulder. "Thank you…!" She quietly sobbed as Ruby hugged her back and then WBY would smother Shantae in a hug. She would then pull away, wiping her tears. "I… I need to tell the others."
"No need, they're at the Smash Mansion waiting for you." Yang said.
Shantae smiled. "Got it!" She said, immediately transforming into her Harpy form as RWBY got on Azure as they would all fly off together.
Back at the Shake Dimension…
BGM: Aboard the Sweet Stuff (Wario Land: Shake It!)
"Mmph!" Waluigi stiffened as they were back at the Sweet Stuff.
"What is it, bro?" Wario asked.
"I don't know… I feel… a disturbance!" He said. "I feel as if some other people got an invitation to Smash Bros and I still have't gotten mine yet!"
"You're an Assist Trophy, get over it." Dark Xena said as she walked by.
"There's always next time." Wario said, patting him on the shoulder.
"Hopefully…"
"Alright, we're almost at the last continent!" Syrup called out.
"Hey, Xena." Dark Xena spoke up.
"Hmm?"
"You want to switch out? I'm feelin' a bit tired."
"Sure!"
Dark Xena smiled and closed her eyes as Xena switched out with her dark self. "Ah, switching out?" Nyx asked.
"Yup!" Xena smiled as they would soon dock at the fifth continent.
"Here we are, the Quiver Cliffs!" Merfle called out.
"We got this! Let's go!" Jade grinned as they all ran off, leaving behind the Merfles and Syrup.
"Good luck, you guys… you're gonna need it." Syrup said.
End BGM
World 5-1 - Mount Bighill - Suddenly, Ancient Japan!
BGM: Mount Bighill (Wario Land: Shake It!)
"Whoa… did we stumble upon an ancient Asian civilization?" Sarge wondered as they walked through. "We must be in ancient Japan!"
"Japan? Oh… well, I'm sure the Phantom Thieves would admire this place." Iris said.
"Sure looks pretty!" Umber smiled as they walked through the area, admiring the buildings that had surrounded them… and also the enemies that were sprawled throughout the land where they would go inside a building, admiring the scenery inside.
"Cooool!" Mona said.
"Reminds me of this dojo that I went into with RWBY at Dinosaur Island… I think it was called… Hands-on Hall or something?" Nyx shrugged. "But I'm certainly feeling nostalgic…"
"Nostalgic over that?" Xena teased.
"Hey, you would be too." Nyx giggled as they walked through as Wario would find himself a gong and punched it… and out came several gold coins.
"Ooooh!" Wario grinned and happily took them as Waluigi kicked another gong… and was greeted by Bumbleprods who all spiked him.
"YOOOOOWCH!" Waluigi yelped as Anthony and Jen would knock them all off while Mona hit the third gong as stairs popped out as she happily jumped up and saw a treasure chest, quickly opening it up.
"Oooh, Mahjong!" Mona grinned, picking up a piece and looked in. "…Wait, what? Where the heck are the other pieces? There should be more than this!"
"Hey, look at the bright side, you got a spare domino piece!" Sarge chuckled.
Last Mahjong Tile - No, like the LAST one. Where did all the others go?
"No one plays dominoes these days." Mona said, tossing the Mahjong piece behind her.
Oh, you'd be surprised. Camrin thought as Mona hopped down and rejoined her friends as they walked through the building before Wario shoulder basked a wooden platform which made it open up as they walked outside and through the small ancient village while Zoey would look at the platform and decided to jump over and climbed where she saw a treasure chest on the roof.
Score! Zoey thought as she opened it up… and pulled out a number nine. "Huh?" She tilted her head, noticing closed eyelids on the top of the number. She tilted her head with a confused expression. "Okay… I don't get it."
Nine Winks - Thirty-one more and you'll have a nap!
With a shrug, Zoey casually tossed it behind her and caught up with the others as they would wander around the village, all the while Sarge and Nyx would look at the landscape.
"I have to say… it's rather breathtaking." Sarge said.
"I know. It's so beautiful and serene… I honestly wouldn't mind living in a place like this." Nyx said. "…Of course, the beauties of space is prettier."
"Mhm. I'll agree with ya there." Sarge agreed as they walked ahead where they would see Camrin wall jumping between buildings before climbing up on a wooden platform, then he jumped between spikes and got to the last treasure chest.
"What do we have here?" He grinned and opened up… a whisker. "…You gotta be kidding me. Hair?"
Dragon's Whisker - Part of a dragon's mustache! How cool is that?
"…Man, this is off to a bad start of treasure hunting on this continent." He said, dropping it back in and reuniting with the others.
"So… no good treasure at all?" Nyx asked.
"Sounds like they're all duds." Jade shrugged.
"The food here is a dud too." Iris said as they turned to her. "Xena and I went into a restaurant and well…"
"Here you are, ma'am… a bowl of meat and tofu." A Bandinero chef said.
"Ah, goodie!" Iris smiled, grabbing her chopsticks and happily ate it up. She took a bite of tofu… and raised an eyebrow. "…Huh?" She wondered and took another bite… and by the third bite, she was absolutely disappointed. "Excuse me, what is this?"
"It's tofu! It's meant to absorb the flavoring and will enhance the flavor! You won't even suspect a thing at all."
"…Xena, take a bite of this. Please tell me I'm not going crazy."
Xena swallowed some of her ramen and took a bite of some tofu. She blinked, dipped it in the bowl and took another bite. "Mmm…"
"How is it?"
"Well… now we know what the physical and edible embodiment of sadness tastes like." Xena said.
"Just as I thought." Iris nodded, gently putting the meat on another plate… before shoving the bowl of tofu into the Bandinero's face.
"…Yeah, that's about what I expected…"
Back in the present…
"Soooo… basically, vegetarians who say tofu is good for you are complete liars?" Anthony asked.
"Bingo. There's nothing good about it." Iris shook her head.
"I knew there was something off about tofu!" Sarge growled as they walked through a small garden and found the caged Merfle where Wario would bust him out of there and Xena would teleport it away.
End BGM
"That takes care of that. Where to next?" Wario wondered as they kept walking until they came across a sea… and a submarine. "Whoa! Another one!"
"Allow us this time." Anthony requested as he and his team grabbed a few buckets of paint and went right to work on it. The submarine in question had a blue and tan color scheme to it a few minutes later, and it also had Spheal's face on the nose of the submarine. It was also sparkly because Mona shenanigans.
"There we go. Now it's a shiny submarine!" Mona smiled.
"…The first one was way better." Waluigi mumbled.
"Agreed." Wario nodded as they hopped into the submarine where Anthony would take controls.
"Alright, The submarine is ready to go! Mona, you have control of one side of the missiles, Jen, you're on the other side… Zoey, you're on lookout. Chloe and Camrin… you're on radar."
"You got it!" Chloe saluted.
"Now let's dive!" Anthony smirked.
"…You mean to tell us that a trigger happy bounty huntress is on one side of the missiles and the crazy girl is on the other?" Iris asked.
"Hey, I'm not as bad as I used to be." Jen said.
"Jen, just the other day, you shot up three Grimm before we had the chance to ambush them." Anthony reminded.
"Okay, so I relapsed. So what?"
"…We're dead." Umber said with the rest nodding.
World 5-2 - Creep Blue Sea - Dark Depths of the Sea
BGM: Creep Blue Sea (Wario Land: Shake It!)
Anthony would move the Submarine through the dark depths of the sea. "It's a little dark down here compared to the others…" Mona noted.
"Ah, nothing we can't handle." Anthony said.
"Jellyfish right over the horizon! They're heading straight for us!" Zoey said.
"I see 'em… Mona! Jen! Raise some hell!" Anthony ordered as Jen and Mona proceeded to destroy the Jellopi with ease.
"Ah, I love the smell of destroyed jellyfish in the morning!" Mona giggled as they traversed through the sea, finding a fork in the ocean as they went up and found themselves a treasure chest that were surrounded by Grunchins, but with timing from Jen, they were quickly destroyed as the Submarine parked over the treasure chest and pulled it up.
"Ya know, I have to say… this ride is smoother than the Wario Bros." Nyx said. "And I'm not saying that out of spite."
"I don't blame you. I could take a nap." Wario said with Waluigi nodding, then Xena opened the treasure chest to pull out a sleep mask.
"…Speaking of naps…" Xena looked at it. "You could use this." She said, tossing it to Wario.
"Eh… too pirate-y." Wario said, tossing it back to Xena.
Pirate's Eye Patch - Is it possible to patch too many of your eyes? ...Nah.
"Anyone else want this?" Xena asked.
"Eh, sure. I'll take it." Nyx said as Xena tossed it to her while MAJC continued to traverse through the sea.
"We got enemy submarines inbound! About four of them!" Zoey alerted.
"Fire!" Anthony ordered as Jen and Mona fired the torpedoes, completely annihilating the Tub Subs before they even had a shot.
"Aim a little higher, I see a little guy attempting to ambush us."
The submarine tilted a bit and fired at a Plunger attempting to ambush them, destroying it completely before they dove underneath, finding another treasure chest surrounded by Tub Subs, whom they quickly annihilated as they grabbed the treasure chest and pulled it in.
"Alright, let's see what's in the second one!" Umber said and opened it up. "Oh! A message in a bottle!" He said, opening it up and reading the message. "…Huh?"
Message in a Bottle - "Send help! I'm trapped in a bottle factory! Right next door to the fortune-cookie place!"
"I didn't see a bottle factory…" Umber said and turned to Xena. "Did you?"
"Nope. We didn't." Xena shrugged as the others had a similar response.
"I'm wondering if this is a prank…" Umber said, putting it back in the bottle and dropping it down the hatch, where it would slowly drop before landing softly on the sea floor.
"Oh, we're picking up on a lot of stuff on the radar… doesn't look too friendly!" Camrin said.
"Uh oh… they're multiplying!" Chloe exclaimed.
"It's an ambush!" Zoey alerted.
"Girls, give everything you've got!" Anthony ordered as Jen and Mona would proceed to shoot at everything that moved. Plungers, Jellopi, Tub Subs… none of them survived the onslaught, but the submarine would take a few hits in return due to a cowardly attack from the side.
After the onslaught, the submarine would make its way to the final treasure chest and a caged Merfle where Nyx would open the chest as Wario and Waluigi would break the Merfle free.
"Oooh, coral!" Nyx grinned.
Blue Coral - A single branch of breathtakingly blue coral. Simply stunning. Also a good paperweight.
"This'll look pretty on my nightstand!" She said while Xena teleported the Merfle away, and then the submarine would head up to the surface.
"Nice job, everyone!" Anthony praised, high fiving his team as they surfaced… and once they got out, they would see a warp pipe as they would hop in…
End BGM
…To find themselves on top of a cold mountain. "Whoa! That's an abrupt change of scenery just like that!" Jade said.
BGM: Slipshod Slopes (Wario Land: Shake It!)
"Pretty!" Xena smiled. "Cool Cool Mountain has nothing on this beautiful place."
"Or Joke's End." Iris added as they walked around in the snow, where they would see the Aurora Borealis shine in the sky… which prompted Nyx to pull out her scroll and take a picture of it.
"When we get back, I'm sending this to RWBY and JNPR." Nyx chuckled, then they proceeded to walk through the snow.
World 5-3 - Slipshod Slopes - Wintery Wonderland!
The group walked through the frozen tundra, admiring the prettiness of the snow as some snowflakes fell to the ground. They would hop off a small cliff and continued to walk, but then Nyx would turn her head to see Snowman Blocks.
"Hmm?" Nyx wondered. "Huh, what's all this?"
"Hmm?" Wario would notice these as well. "Ah, Snowman Blocks." He said. "Basically, I have to turn into a snowball to break these blocks." He let out a chuckle. "But like that's ever gonna happen!"
"…Mona, what are you doing?" Anthony asked as Mona picked Wario up and started to roll him into the snow.
"Wah! Ack! Mmmph! What are you! Aaaaack!" Wario cried out as his whole body was turned into a snowball as Mona got into position and threw the Snowballed Wario like a bowling ball where he rolled through the Snowman blocks and crashed into a wall.
"Strrriiiiike!" Mona cheered, causing the others to laugh while Wario shook some snow off of his hat.
"Very funny…" He mumbled as he noticed a treasure chest next to him. "Ah!" He grinned and opened it up… and pulled out a dog wearing a hot dog suit. "Wha…?" He wondered as he squeezed it, where it squeaked in response. "Oh, a dog toy."
Hot Dog - This little fellow manages to be adorable and mouthwatering at the same time.
Wario tossed the Hot Dog to Nyx. "Here, I'm sure your Yoshi will love that."
"…Actually, I could just gift this to Zwei." Nyx said, putting the toy in her pocket as they walked through before slipping on ice.
"Waaaah!" Xena yelped as everyone else was trying their best to stay on their feet, but they would slip and slide and would fall on their butts, much to some Pengoon's amusement. Umber in particular would try to catch Xena but the two of them would fall as Xena landed right on top of him, which resulted in the two in a very… compromising position, causing both of them to blush. Their faces just inches away from each other.
"Well uh… this is… awkward…" Dark Xena said awkwardly.
"Y-you uh… okay?" Umber asked.
"Y-yeah." Xena nodded, using her telepathy to bring themselves up.
Aw man, I was hoping those two would kiss… Mona thought as they slid their way over to an ice cave where they would slowly climb up the platforms and walked into an ice cave where it was a little less slippery compared to outside.
Wario would spot some icicles hanging from the ceiling as he punched the ground, causing the icicles to fall and make some platforms as they would jump across before climbing up and finding another treasure chest, with Mona opening it and finding a crown.
"Ooooh!" Mona grinned as she picked it up and wore it. "MWAHAHAHAHA! I'M THE QUEEN OF THE ICE MOUNT-… ooooh… brain freeze! Ow ow ow… ooooof!" She winced as she pried it off.
Crown of Ice - A regal crown made of arctic ice. Be careful; wearing it induces ice-cream headaches.
"You alright?" Camrin asked in concern.
"I'm fine… though I think I just found something to dare Nora to wear." Mona chuckled as they found a ladder and climbed up, where Wario would be the first one out… and some snow on top of a post would fall on Wario and cover him up.
"Mmph! Not again… mmmph!" Wario grunted as he slipped from a slope and started rolling. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Bro! Where are you going?" Waluigi asked.
"Nobody knows." Nyx said as they would follow him as Wario would roll over a treasure chest and take it with him… along with a caged Merfle as they came to a gentle stop… before a Pengoon came walking over and kicking it, causing the snowball to roll off the mountain.
"Welp, there he goes!" Umber said.
"There's only one thing we can do!" Sarge said. "We slide!" He exclaimed as he jumped down. "YEEEEHAAAAAAAAW!"
"I don't see any sleds or skis here, do you?" Iris asked.
"Nope. Looks like we're going down." Jade said as they did the same.
End BGM
World 5-Secret 1 - Bamboozle Village - Just Dropping In!
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Wario yelled as he slammed into a building, disintegrating the snowball as he, a now freed Merfle and a snow covered chest lay there on the ground while everyone else got to them.
"You alright?" Anthony asked.
"…If I ever get into a snowball again… it'll be too soon…" Wario said.
"Oooogh… I don't feel so fresh…" The Merfle groaned as Xena teleported the Merfle away and once they got Wario out of the snow, Nyx would open up the third chest from the mountain and pulled out a robe.
"Huh… not what I was expecting." She said.
"Oooh, maybe give that to Rosalina?" Jade suggested.
"I dunno… robes don't really look like her thing." Nyx said. "…Although maybe if she somehow turned this into a dress?"
Aurora Robealis - A robe you can only see in the far north. You should probably wear something underneath it.
"Give it to Ibuki, she might think of something." Iris chuckled and then looked around. "Looks like we're in another ancient village." She said and noticed a few Peek-a-Booms. "…With wannabe Ninjis." She said as they threw bombs at them. "Oh, bomb throwing wannabe Ninjis. Lovely!" She said as Xena telepathically caught them and threw them back to destroy them.
"Not anymore." Xena smirked, and then they worked their way through the village where they were met with hostility, but they were able to subdue the Peek-A-Booms as they made their way inside of a dojo, where they would be greeted by Nosedozers and Pitchforks.
"Make way, losers!" Wario would yell as he and Waluigi would make quick work on them, and would get a treasure chest for their troubles.
"What do we got!" Waluigi grinned as they opened it up to reveal a collapsible telescope. "...Uh..."
"Well, it would work great with finding treasures..." Wario mused before looking at Waluigi. "But where's the fun in that?" He chuckled, tossing it behind him, only for Zoey to grab it.
Collapsible Telescope - Pirates never need binoculars.
"Perfect for recon missions." Zoey smiled.
They would proceed to walk outside, taking out a few other Nosedozers and Pitchforks as they wander out of the village and climb up some small cliffs where they were met with more hostility... which were quickly dealt with as Jade would suck up a bomb from a Peek-A-Boom and shot him with said bomb, sending him flying into a wall and uncovering a treasure chest.
"Oh?" Jade wondered as she walked over to the wall and climbed up, opening the treasure chest and pulling out a cup of tea. "Oooh!" She smiled and hopped down. "Hey Xena, can you-"
"On it!" Xena nodded, telekinetically bringing it to her hand and warming it up with her fire, then sent it back to Jade. "There you go!"
"Thanks!" Jade smiled and took a sip. "Aaaah, perfect..."
Nice Cup of Tea - For a quick pick-me-up, there's no better treasure. It also makes you look classy.
"Delicious~!" Jade giggled as they walked through the other part of the village while Jade continued to enjoy her tea.
"Well, aren't we all classy today." Nyx teased, causing Iris to snicker as they continued on, with Sarge shooting a Peek-A-Boom into a metal wall, causing the bomb to explode and revealing the last treasure chest.
"Come to papa!" Sarge said, opening it up and pulling out an eye. "Gah! What in sam hill is the Eye of Sauron doing here?!" He yelped, tossing it behind him where Mona caught it.
"Oooh, fierce!" Mona grinned.
Tiger-Eye: A rare jewel shaped like an eerie eyeball. All-seeing and all-creepy.
Mona chuckled mischievously and turned around to some Pitchforks. "Hey dudes! I've got the eye of the tiger! You're gonna hear me ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAR!!!" She yelled... which was somehow able to terrify the Pitchforks as they took off screaming. "Yeah, you better run!"
"Hmm, personally, I'd use that jewel as a "I'm gonna kick your ass" motivational song." Jen said.
"To each their own." Anthony chuckled, as they would climb up a wall while taking out a few more enemies until they found the caged Merfle, as Xena would teleport it out of the cage before teleporting it back to the Sweet Stuff.
"Alriiiiight! Now what?" Mona wondered, then they saw a ski lift that would take them back to the snowy mountains.
"Guess we're going up!" Nyx said as they would hop on and would be carried back to the mountains.
End BGM
Meanwhile...
Dante was knocked back, chuckling a little bit as his opponent was none other than Sephiroth. "That all you got, silver head?" Dante smirked.
"Hmph, I admit... you put up more of an exciting fight compared to your brother."
"Vergil? Pfft, that's because he's the appetizer. Everyone knows appetizers aren't as filling compared to the main course."
"Hey!" Vergil said from afar.
"But now it's time we get serious." Dante said, immediately going into Devil Trigger while Sephiroth sprouted his wing.
"I couldn't agree more..."
"Make your move, twinkle toes!" Dante taunted as the two of them lunged.
While the two were busy killing each other, Shantae walked her way into the mansion with RWBY, Bolo, Sky and Rottytops.
"Yoooo, this place is off the hook!" Rotty said.
"This is overwhelming..." Shantae would say before smiling. "Look out, Smash Mansion! You got a genie coming your way!" She said as she ran off.
"Hey, hey! Don't forget about your B team!" Sky said, chasing after her as Bolo and Rottytops would follow them.
Weiss smiled. "I'm happy for her."
"Yeah." Ruby agreed.
"GAME! The winner is... Dante!"
Dante walked out, dusting his hands off while Sephiroth walked behind him. "Hell of a fight, Sephiroth."
"Indeed. it was more invigorating compared to Vergil."
"I'm right here." Vergil mumbled, causing Lady and Trish to snicker.
"Alright, if ya need me, I'm gonna go say hi to Ryu and Ken." Dante said as he approached them. "Heeeey, you two! You wanna get some drinks?"
"Yeah!" Ken nodded. "We can bring Arthur along too."
"That little dude is here in this party too? Nice!"
"Indeed." Ryu nodded as the trio walked away.
"I don't know about you, but this place got a little livelier." Yang said.
"When isn't it?" Blake rolled her eyes.
"Good point!" Yang chuckled as she would walk away. "Hey Tifa, you want to go a few rounds!"
"Ruby Rose to the teleporter. Your fight starts in a few minutes."
"Oh?" Ruby wondered as she walked to the area and then would find herself on the Pirate Ship stage. "Alright, who am I fighting?"
"Me!" A voice chirped as Shantae hopped down and landed in front of her.
"Oh!" Ruby smiled. "I'm fighting you?"
"Consider this my thanks for recommending me into this." Shantae said with a smile... before getting into a fighting stance. "Hold nothing back, Ruby!"
Ruby smirked, getting in her stance. "Same to you!"
"Three! Two! One! GO!"
"HAAAAAH!" Both of them lunged straight for each other.
It's absolutely hilarious to me that at the end of Isle of Armor, Dante was at the Smash Mansion having a drink with Ryu, Phoenix Wright and Maya... and what happens a few months later? Dante shows up. ...Sure, he's a Mii Fighter, but what can you do?
...Okay, story time.
A few years ago, I went into a Japanese Restaurant with some friends and some of us never had Japanese. I noticed in the menu that there was a lot of tofu.
One of my friends said to me: "Tofu is supposed to absorb the flavoring of the food, so it'll blend in!"
So, I got my bowl of meat and veggies (and tofu) and I took the first bite of tofu (as I've never had it before) and the first bite, I was met with confusion, thinking "Wait, that's it? Maybe I'm going crazy." and took two more bites, thinking the flavoring would kick in soon.
But alas... that never happened. I didn't finish the tofu but had finished the meat and other veggies. I thought to myself "So this is what the physical and edible embodiment of sadness tastes like..."
I said this to my friend and she said "That's about accurate. Whoever said it's supposed to absorb the flavoring lied."
So, no offense to all you tofu lovers out there... but why do you torment yourself?