In which Phineas is a dick, Percy Hazel and Frank all long to beat him up, but they know they can't, and he drops some very mean hints.
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The Official Clarisse: I do try with the dreams- both normal nightmares- because let's face it Percy's gonna have a lot of those, and actual demigod dreams- there's one demigod dream that I've written that I love because people are gonna freak out but it's over ten chapters away lol. And I shall consider it for the KC au. I'm onto chapter 15 now so I mean, I'm getting there. And as for the monsters, Julius made her protective amulets to conceal her smell from monsters- of course the fact that she disappeared with no trace, as did Sally- poor Poseidon can't find either of them. Whoops!
Weirdhead: Our girl needs to get some self preservation instincts. But hey, she'll start remembering soon- and the amnesiac Nico would have been very very painful I must admit. But I chose the lest angsty path with that.
Lo: I do have basic ideas for a HP crossover but I will not even think about starting it for a long time because I already have enough on my plate lol.
Undeath9087: Don't worry! It won't be super long before Tyson finds out Percy is alive! And he will be very happy- I love their reunion- it's cute. And chaos is definitely one word for it. Also- looks at plans for Percy- hehehehe. You think that was suffering?
Guest: Yes, Percy will definitely know before her first visit to camp in the KC AU- she'll know during the KC plotlines- literally, nine year old Percy is the only one with a clue what is going on. Poor her. It really isn't fair on her- she feels responsible for looking after Carter and Sadie even though they the big siblings.
As the trio moved forward Percy forced herself to stay calm, "You're welcome-" and she silently added, 'And you'll be even more welcome when I shove your weed whacker and shove it so far up your ass that you'll never be able to pull it out again.' "I'm Percy Jackson and these are my fr-"
"Demigods!" the old man said. "I can always smell demigods."
Hazel frowned. "Do we smell that bad?"
The old man laughed. "Of course not, my dear. But you'd be surprised how sharp my other senses became once I was blinded. I'm Phineas. And you—wait,
don't tell me—"
He reached for Percy's face and poked her in the eyes.
"Ow!" Percy complained.
"Daughter of Neptune!" Phineas exclaimed. "I thought I smelled the ocean on you, Percy Jackson. I'm also a son of Neptune, you know."
Percy twitched slightly, why did she get the feeling that he wasn't the first half sibling she'd met that she really, really didn't like? It was just her luck wasn't it. She hoped she had some decent siblings from Neptunes side of the family."
Phineas turned to Hazel. "And here…Oh my, the smell of gold and deep earth. Hazel Levesque, daughter of Pluto. And next to you—the son of Mars. But there's more to your story, Frank Zhang—"
"Ancient blood," Frank muttered. "Prince of Pylos. Blah, blah, blah."
"Periclymenus, exactly! Oh, he was a nice fellow. I loved the Argonauts!"
Frank's mouth fell open. "W-wait. Perry who?"
Phineas grinned. "Don't worry. I know about your family. That story about your great-grandfather? He didn't really destroy the camp. Now, what an interesting group. Are you hungry?"
Frank looked like he'd been run over by a truck, but Phineas had already moved on to other matters. He waved his hand at the picnic table. In the nearby trees, the harpies shrieked miserably. As hungry as Percy was, she couldn't stand to think about eating with those poor bird ladies watching him.
"Look, I'm confused," Percy said. "We need some information. We were told—"
"—that the harpies were keeping my food away from me," Phineas finished, "and if you helped me, I'd help you."
"Something like that," Percy admitted.
Phineas laughed. "That's old news. Do I look like I'm missing any meals?"
He patted his belly, which was the size of an overinflated basketball.
"Um... no," Percy said, eyes narrowing slightly- it was probably a good thing the asshole was blind or he'd be able to see just how disgusted she looked as she eyed him.
Phineas waved his weed whacker in an expansive gesture. All three of them ducked.
"Things have changed, my friends!" he said. "When I first got the gift of prophecy, eons ago, it's true Jupiter cursed me. He sent the harpies to steal my food.
You see, I had a bit of a big mouth. I gave away too many secrets that the gods wanted kept." He turned to Hazel. "For instance, you're supposed to be dead. And you—" He turned to Frank. "Your life depends on a burned stick."
Percy frowned. "What are you talking about?"
Hazel blinked like she'd been slapped. Frank looked like the truck had backed up and run over him again.
"And you," Phineas turned to Percy, "well now, you don't even know who you are! I could tell you, of course, but…ha! What fun would that be? And Brigid O'Shaughnessy shot Miles Archer in The Maltese Falcon. And Darth Vader is actually Luke's father. And the winner of the next Super Bowl will be—"
"Got it," Frank muttered.
Hazel gripped her sword like she was tempted to pommel-whip the old man. "So you talked too much, and the gods cursed you. Why did they stop?"
"Oh, they didn't!" The old man arched his bushy eyebrows like, Can you believe it? "I had to make a deal with the Argonauts. They wanted information too, you see. I told them to kill the harpies, and I'd cooperate. Well, they drove those nasty creatures away, but Iris wouldn't let them kill the harpies. An outrage! So this time, when my patron brought me back to life—"
"Your patron?" Frank asked.
Phineas gave him a wicked grin. "Why, Gaea, of course.
Who do you think opened the Doors of Death? Your girl friend here understands. Isn't Gaea your patron, too?"
Hazel drew her sword. "I'm not his—I don't—Gaea is not my patron!"
Phineas looked amused. If he had heard the sword being drawn, he didn't seem concerned. "Fine, if you want to be noble and stick with the losing side, that's your business. But Gaea is waking. She's already rewritten the rules of life and death! I'm alive again, and in exchange for my help—a prophecy here, a prophecy there—I get my fondest wish. The tables have been turned, so to speak. Now I can eat all I want, all day long, and the harpies have to watch and starve."
He revved his weed whacker, and the harpies wailed in the trees.
"They're cursed!" the old man said. "They can eat only food from my table, and they can't leave Portland. Since the Doors of Death are open, they can't even die. It's beautiful!"
"Beautiful?" Frank protested. "They're living creatures. Why are you so mean to them?"
"They're monsters!" Phineas said. "And mean? Those feather-brained demons tormented me for years!"
"But it was their duty," Percy said, trying to control herself- it really was a struggle. "Jupiter ordered them to."
"Oh, I'm mad at Jupiter, too," Phineas agreed. "In time, Gaea will see that the gods are properly punished. Horrible job they've done, ruling the world. But for now, I'm enjoying Portland. The mortals take no notice of me. They think I'm just a crazy old man shooing away pigeons!"
Hazel advanced on the seer. "You're awful!" she told Phineas. "You belong in the Fields of Punishment!"
Phineas sneered. "One dead person to another, girlie? I wouldn't be talking. You started this whole thing! If it weren't for you, Alcyoneus wouldn't be alive!"
Hazel stumbled back.
"Hazel?" Frank's eyes got as wide as quarters. "What's he talking about?"
"Ha!" Phineas said. "You'll find out soon enough, Frank Zhang. Then we'll see if you're still sweet on your girlfriend- and what about my little sister? She has her own past- marrying a Titan, as her brother choked to death-"
"What? My bro-" Percy tried to speak but the son of Neptune kept talking.
"But that's not what you're here about, is it? You want to find Thanatos. He's being kept at Alcyoneus's lair. I can tell you where that is. Of course I can. But you'll have to do me a favor."
"Forget it," Hazel snapped. "You're working for the enemy. We should send you back to the Underworld ourselves."
"You could try." Phineas smiled. "But I doubt I'd stay dead very long. You see, Gaea has shown me the easy way back. And with Thanatos in chains, there's no one to keep me down! Besides, if you kill me, you won't get my secrets."
Percy really, really wanted to let Hazel chop him up- heck she wanted to do it herself but there was only one thing holding her back.
Camp Jupiter. They needed to save camp and they couldn't afford wasting time searching all of Alaska for Alcyoneus. They were on a time limit which meant they needed Phineas' information.
And she also couldn't afford to dwell on his words- which brother? Had they survived? Were her memories going to bring back fresh grief? Gods she didn't want to know.
"What do you want?" She asked after a long moment, her words strained.
Phineas licked his lips greedily. "There's one harpy who's quicker than the rest."
"The red one," Percy guessed- she'd seemed smart, and she'd looked so tiny when she'd fled. Percy just wanted to help her.
"I'm blind! I don't know colors!" the old man groused. "At any rate, she's the only one I have trouble with. She's wily, that one. Always does her own thing, never roosts with the others. She gave me these."
He pointed at the scars on his forehead and Percy resisted the urge to say that she'd like to congratulate the harpy.
"Capture that harpy," he said. "Bring her to me. I want her tied up where I can keep an eye on her…ah, so to speak. Harpies hate being tied up. It causes them extreme pain. Yes, I'll enjoy that. Maybe I'll even feed her so that she lasts longer."
Percy ground her teeth together- she couldn't do that. No way was she ever doing that- and when she looked at her friends she knew that they felt the same. They wouldn't just hand over some innocent harpy. No, they'd have to come up with a plan B.
"Oh, go talk among yourselves," Phineas said breezily. "I don't care. Just remember that without my help, your quest will fail. And everyone you love in the world will die. Now, off with you! Bring me a harpy!"
Percy's fingers curled into fists but Frank's little shake of his head stopped her from launching herself at him- which was a shame she would have enjoyed killing him. "First off." she said, thinking quickly, "We're going to need some of your food." and if she barged into the man to knock him off balance as she snatched stuff off his picnic table- well, what could he do? She grabbed a covered bowl of Thai noodles in mac-and-cheese sauce, and a tubular pastry that looked like a combination burrito and cinnamon roll.
Percy did contemplate just smashing the burrito into her half brothers face but she held back, turning to her friends- eye twitching slightly, "Come on guys." and then she was taking off out of the parking lot, trusting them to follow her.
Sure enough they did, and when Percy stopped across the street she leaned against a shop wall, sucking in a deep breath and tilting her head back up to feel the cool mist from the rain on her face- it felt good.
"That man-" Hazel smacked the side of a bus stop bench, and Percy lowered her head and focused her gaze on the other girl.
"I know." her voice was tight, "Believe me I know- he might be my brother but I do not claim him. We're gonna find a way to get the information and kick his ass I promise."
"He really needs to go back to the underworld." Frank declared, laying a hand on Hazel's shoulder. It was hard to tell in the rain but the younger girl seemed to be blinking back tears. Her long curly hair was plastered down the sides of her face. In the gray light, her gold eyes looked more like tin.
Percy remembered how confident she'd acted when they first met—taking control of the situation with the gorgons and ushering her to safety. She'd comforted her at the shrine of Neptune and made her feel welcome at camp.
And Frank too- without them both Percy was pretty sure she'd have been dead by now. She owed them her life- and now she wanted to comfort Hazel, and- well, it had to be what he'd said that had upset her so much. "Listen. Hazel I-" she shook her head, "Whatever it was that happened- you are nothing like him you're good I know it."
She shook her head. "You don't know the whole story. I should have been sent to Punishment. I—I'm just as bad—"
"No, you're not!" Frank balled his fists. He looked around like he was searching for anybody who might disagree with him—enemies he could hit for Hazel's sake. "She's a good person!" he yelled across the street. A few harpies squawked in the trees, but no one else paid them any attention.
Hazel stared at Frank. She reached out tentatively, as if she wanted to take his hand but was afraid he might evaporate.
"Frank..." she stammered. "I—I don't..."
Unfortunately, Frank seemed wrapped up in his own thoughts.
He slung his spear off his back and gripped it uneasily.
"I could intimidate that old man," he offered, "maybe scare him—"
"Frank, it's okay," Percy said. "Let's keep that as a backup plan, but I don't think Phineas can be scared into cooperating- or even beaten up until he agrees- which is very annoying I admit. Besides, you've only got two more uses out of the spear, right?"
Frank scowled at the dragon's-tooth point, which had grown back completely overnight. "Yeah. I guess.…"
Percy wasn't sure what the old seer had meant about Frank's family history—his great-grandfather destroying camp, his Argonaut ancestor, and the bit about a burned stick controlling Frank's life. But it had clearly shaken Frank up. Percy decided not to ask for explanations. She didn't want the big guy reduced to tears, especially in front of Hazel.
"I've got an idea." Percy pointed up the street. "The red-feathered harpy went that way. Let's see if we can get her to talk to us."