a/n: I do not own the characters of Downton Abbey, this is purely for fun. Matthew and Thomas are my favourite paring that not many write about. Some events will be slightly altered, some timelines as well, but I try to keep most events there - even if they are cheekily redone. I am also not a WW1 expert (more of a WW2 studier) so I apologise if some things are a bit out of touch and not 100% historically correct, it's all in good fun. English is not my first language but I do try my hardest with grammar and words, I hope you will excuse any mistakes. Thanks for listening, now enjoy!
Downton Abbey
April 1919
"Thomas Barrow, what are you doing out here?" Mrs Hughes said, walking over to the weeping man, standing beneath the grand Windows of Downton Abbey.
"N-Nothing Mrs Hughes" He said with a sniffle, trying to wipe his eyes quickly as he tore his longing eyes from the window he had been staring at.
"Heaven's, what is the matter?" She took a hold of Thomas' shoulder as he had failed to silence his tears. "Come on, let's go inside and you can tell me"
"I'm afraid that if I do, you will be disgusted." Thomas said, looking down at his shoes.
"Now I must hear it, come on, we'll go to my sitting room for a nice cup of tea" Mrs Hughes said and steered Thomas towards the servants' door. As she did so, a face appeared from the window Thomas had been staring at; a face that held grief, sorrow, and longing as well.
There were a few stranglers in the servants' hall, two maids playing cards quietly to themselves and Daisy cleaning up the remains of a sorrowful dinner. Down the corridor Mrs Hughes took the trembling Thomas, gently rubbing his arms to bring some heat back into his body. She sat him down in a chair and left to bring a tray of tea from Mrs Patmore. Thomas fiddled with his glove, trying to calm his tears, and to him this was a strange kindness he had never felt from her before, or anyone for that matter. He just didn't quite know how he would explain the turmoil of his life these past few years and how one night had crushed him and everything his heart sang for.
Mrs Hughes returned with the tray and set it down on the table between them. She prepared the tea while a kind smile was upon her face, for no other than Thomas Barrow — who would have believed it. She had her suspicions though that it concerned the matters of the heart, she had seen tears of a broken heart before. Naturally she understood that it was not about a woman, of course not, but neither did she mind — for she was in no position to judge a sin, Thomas could not help who he was. Mrs Hughes gave Thomas one cup that he held in a trembling hand.
"I have met other men of your sort in my life, Thomas," Mrs Hughes said and held the cup by its ear, bringing it to her mouth for a sip.
Thomas glanced up through dark eyelashes and his hand began to tremble even with his great attempts to seem unfazed by her words.
"I am not quite sure what you speak of, Mrs Hughes" He said to her as he brought the cup to his lips finally and took a few small sips of the hot beverage. Even if they all were aware, at least that was what Sybil had said, he couldn't help being hesitant — you always had to when you were made the way Thomas was.
Mrs Hughes simply smiled, she understood a man of Thomas' preference needed to be wary — for such things would not only bring shame and scandal but also a ticket to jail.
"There will be no copper at the door, nor judgment upon my part, Thomas" Mrs Hughes said with sincerity "We all deserve some happiness in this life, especially one who has not known many fortunes."
Thomas ran his hand over his waxed-down hair "You will still judge me, Mrs Hughes, because of who I am crying over."
"I am not here to judge you, Thomas, and if someone can bring you to tears you must have career deeply for them — that's all I can say" Mrs Hughes took her tea cup again "And you're not a bad man, Thomas, wounded and harsh — with a sharp tongue that causes more damage than it should, but you are not bad."
"Why this kindness, Mrs Hughes? I have done nothing to deserve such a thing." Thomas' stern posture relaxed upon the seat and his hand stopped its trembling.
"We should all offer a little kindness from time to time, and I saw the way you walked away from there" Mrs Hughes said "I know a broken heart when I see one."
"It all started in the war, on the front..." Thomas said and finished his tea, putting it aside on the tray before leaning back in the chair.
"My my," Mrs Hughes said with a smile and poured them both some more tea from the pot. She had an inkling of who this was about, because there was only one man in the house that Thomas' had been in the trenches with. Of course she was a little bit taken aback, but not completely surprised, not now when everything was starting to add up.
"So you wish to hear the stories then? They are not for the fainthearted" Thomas said, wiping his nose, looking as undignified as he felt, and then reached for the cup of tea that brought a little bit of warmth back into his body.
"The fainthearted?" Mrs Hughes said with a smile of her own and offered Thomas his refilled cup back "Now I must hear them."
Thomas looked at Mrs Hughes in surprise as he accepted his cup then they diverted to look at the steam-smoke dancing towards the ceiling from his cup. "I do not know if there are enough hours to tell it all before bed."
"Then we shall be tired in the morning, which shall be fine." She leaned back to get comfortable in her own chair "as I doubt any grand dinners will be needed."
They both fell silent and just sipped on their tea while Thomas contemplated if he should share the stories of war, in the trenches and the aftermath. He was not one to share, about anything, yet his broken heart and wounded soul were heavier than any luggage he had ever carried. Even if this was a trap and a copper would come for him in the morning. Downton or a prison cell, his wallowing heart saw no difference in the two, not anymore.
"It all began in the trenches, in the blood and mud" Thomas began "In the trenches was where me and Matthew Crawley fell into bed and love."