a/n: I do not own the characters of Downton Abbey, this is purely for fun. Matthew and Thomas are my favourite paring that not many write about. Some events will be slightly altered, some timelines as well, but I try to keep most events there - even if they are cheekily redone. I am also not a WW1 expert (more of a WW2 studier) so I apologise if some things are a bit out of touch and not 100% historically correct, it's all in good fun. English is not my first language but I do try my hardest with grammar and words, I hope you will excuse any mistakes. Thanks for listening, now enjoy!
The Great War
December 1915
"Will you take your leave for Christmas time? Visit that sweetheart of yours?" Thomas said as he fingered the edge of the mug containing tea.
Matthew rolled his eyes at the Corporal "It was not meant for your ears"
"And yet it reached my ears, did it not? The talk of the trenches, Lieutenant Matthew and his sweet heart" Thomas said as he smiled and joked through his jealousy, a dangerous emotion for him to carry as he tended to ruin lives of those he held any envy or jealous-tendencies towards.
"I already explained, Thomas, not that I truly have to," Matthew said and took a sip from his mug. It was true he didn't need to explain — if he wished to have a sweetheart he was allowed to, for it surely wasn't as if he and Thomas were, were they? He glanced at Thomas through the corner of his eyes, no they weren't — just two friends enjoying company and closeness as wife and husband should, according to the law at least. But law had no place in war, so perhaps sweethearts they were — at least here and not out there, surely they could not be. Though he could not deny that tingle within him when he thought of the word 'sweetheart' and 'Thomas' together.
"I know, a story manufactured to keep our meetings dignified and just" Thomas finished his tea and set the mug down "Is she a better dancer than me?"
"You sound like a jealous prat, Thomas" Matthew tried to hide his smile by pursing his lips together so tightly that they disappeared.
"Does she speak to you with honesty, as I do?" Thomas shuffled the chair closer to Matthew "Does she kiss you, as I do?" He said and leaned in closer, brushing blonde hair from Matthew's ear and whispered into it "Does she see you come undone in her arms, like I have?" He teased, knowing very well that his words would taunt the Lieutenant. When Thomas got it right; when he knew who to kiss, not many could deny him nor his smooth-talks of seduction.
"We shared only one dance…." Matthew replied and felt his throat go dry from the way Thomas' lips lingered over his ear "...we spoke of nothing of importance, like two passing each other in the village exchanging pleasantries…." He turned his head, unable to deny Thomas', and their lips brushed together. "She only kissed my cheek as a thank you for the dance" His hands fumbled to set the cup on the table, and he missed as it fell loudly to the ground. "...No one has seen me come undone but you…."
Thomas' lips attached themselves ravagingly to Matthew's and the animalistic hunger from their first kiss reemerged in the two. It was gripping of limbs, tongues clashing, it was sweat and noises of pleasure once more. Matthew could deny it all he wanted, and he would still do so and claim that nothing would transpire past the dugout, but nothing made his heart yearn more than Thomas being near. Not Mary, not any sweetheart from his past, not his invented story of Lavinia. He could blame the war, and he would still do so, but how could he look upon Thomas' in Downton without the urge to press their lips together, share an honest conversation, and the sensation of his body asleep on top of his.
Thomas had fallen, and fallen deep and his heart did nothing but scream for Matthew and their moments in the dugout. Not only their fierce passion but also the honest company they shared. He knew he could not be the sweetheart of a future Lordship and the duties that laid before Matthew, and a part of him wished a bullet would take him rather than losing all of this once the war was over, regardless of who won it. So tonight he needed to be brave, he needed to ask what he wished for "Will you allow me to see you in your full beauty?" Thomas spoke as the kiss broke and Matthew's eyes widened.
"T-Thomas…" He shook his head but the Corporal silenced him with a kiss.
"I don't, not unless you wanted to, I just want to look at you in all your glory, Lieutenant, if a bullet was to take me I wish for that to be the last thing I see before I close my eyes" Thomas spoke and brushed their lips together.
It would sound manipulative in a normal setting, but after all this was war, and a bullet could come flying at any time, so there was no lie in what Thomas said; a bullet could come and take them both. The talk of sodomy surely had made Matthew nervous, but would he wish to die without knowing what laid beyond what they had already done? If it was now a sin, could it be a good one? Could he be forgiven in the eyes of law and Lord if he gave into his urges and wants? Yet again he was reminded of one thing, one thing only, this was war it was fair. Beyond these walls, no, but here in the trenches the law of God and state was as blurred as drunken eyes. The words took to Matthew's heart more than he had thought. A moment of sin, would it be so much worse than what they had already done? At least no illegitimate children could be born from such actions. A difficult decision stood before Matthew, to follow the urges in the excuse of war, but he didn't know why he hesitated when his heart had already made the decision for him.
Thomas' eyes searched Matthew's and saw that there was trouble behind those summer-sky eyes. Doubt? Perhaps worry about God's words he was sure Matthew had heard before — and the law Matthew practiced back at home. His thumb caressed over Matthew's cheek in comfort. "If it is far too much, don't worry your mind Matthew Crawley, we can just sit here and talk; that is my merriment in the trenches, to just be near you."
Merriment in the trenches, Thomas was right, what little merriment they had was here — their moments together. Surely God would be forgiving for men like him and Thomas? Defending the King and Country with their lives. How could a God above look down upon their conditions and judge, how could anyone? Perhaps Matthew hadn't committed many sins before, and that is why god was on his mind; like the time he had kissed the boy underneath the cork tree when they were sixteen.
"Let us bring more merriment to the trenches" Matthew said, following the decision of his heart and urges his body couldn't control. Matthew took Thomas' face in his hand and they shared another kiss "Then let my last thought be of completely and utterly coming undone to you, Corporal Barrow, for nor do I wish to die without knowing what such a thing is, and all sins will be washed away in the war brought upon us."
Thomas' jaw dropped, he truly had not intended for such a thing to be on the table, but just to glance upon the beauty of Matthew Crawley. It had been him saying yes to doing what, in Matthew's eyes, seemed to be a great sin, and Thomas could recognise himself in the struggle Matthew had internally "Are you absolutely sure Matthew?"
"All is fair in war" Matthew answered and stood up "and yes, I am sure, to give my body completely to yours as merriment is needed. If the Germans cross no man's land tomorrow, we might all fall at their hands." He reached a hand out for Thomas who took it, he seemed almost more nervous than Matthew which was endearing in its own way; endearing to know that he cared so deeply for Matthew's and did not wish to cross boundaries. "I am sure, Thomas Barrow"
Thomas almost felt like a fumbling fool, like the first time, but Matthew put a deep trust in him and he needed to compose himself; for he knew things Matthew did not. "If you are on top, it won't hurt at all, as it will if...if I am inside of you." He explained while holding onto Matthew's hand tightly.
"I have never laid before, man or woman, I would not know what to do —- is the pain worth it?" Matthew asked while looking at the cot, the cot that he didn't know how long its legs would remain unbroken for much longer.
"Preparation eases the pain…" Thomas said and pulled Matthew into an embrace and kissed the sweet spot on his neck, the one that he knew would send chills down Matthew's spine. "Vaseline eases it more, but lies may be in my nature with everyone but you, so I will say that until you have adjusted the pain will not seem worth it…" Thomas breathed against the sweet smell of Matthew's neck "and then the pleasure will burst through you to take it all away, tenfold the pleasure we have already given to each other."
Matthew shuddered at the thought. How could anything be more pleasurable than what they had already done? He trusted Barrow, he must, for he undoubtedly had experienced it before. If the man whose lips were grazing his neck said it was pleasure to take away pain, it must be so. "Then I am yours, as I trust you words, take me before a bullet does" Matthew said and the erection he had gained from Thomas' words gave him the ravaging feeling back and he put all of it into their kiss.
Thomas did not know what to do, but instinct took over — luckily. For his hands covered every inch of Matthew's clothed body, from bicep to bottocks, from chest to groin. "If the word stop escapes your lips, I shall stop, mark my words Matthew — I won't take it a step further than you are willing to go." Thomas spoke into the kiss.
"Stop speaking and kiss me more, you Corporal fool" Matthew groaned back and entwined their tongues while exploring Barrow's bump and curves as eagerly as Barrow was exploring his.
If anyone else had uttered the word fool to Thomas, they would find themselves humiliated beyond belief, but Matthew was different, Matthew was his yearning heart. How he yearned for him now. It was painful, so intensely painful that only coming undone would set him free and take him to heavens he would otherwise never reach. Thomas pushed Matthew's braces off, his fingers unbuttoned shirts only a skilled wish-to-be-valet could. With Matthew's chest exposed Thomas broke their lips apart to get on his knees and kiss the stomach of his soon-to-be-lover.
Matthew tangled his fingers into the dark hair of Thomas and closed his eyes. With this man, rational thoughts went away, and with those treacherous lips nothing was left but urges and needs. Soon he was as exposed as he could be and a hot breath was felt upon his hardened cock. Matthew opened his eyes and seeing Thomas on his knees before him almost caused his orgasm to end it all there and then.
"If you breathe another breath over it I cannot be held accountable for what it might do to me." Matthew said breathlessly and his voice hushed; knowing very well that men on guard were walking outside the dugout as they spoke.
"I won't tempt fate, as tempting it is" Thomas smirked but he planted a kiss just above the base of the erection which gifted him another moan from Matthew.
Matthew stood fully exposed in front of him now, and yet Thomas had not even removed a single item of clothing. That was about to change as Matthew's trembling hand began to fumble with braces, buttons and trousers. It was not long before both of them stood bare before each other. Matthew's hand reached out and touched the dark hairs on Thomas' chest and he saw the former footman close his eyes to the touch.
"I don't think the cot will hold for what we are about to do" Thomas said with a smile and looked at Matthew through half-closed eyelids.
It took Matthew all his strength to remove his hand from Thomas' chest, strength he had used before to keep his hand away from it. He could not risk the noise of the cot crashing to the ground but the blanket upon it became the solution. Matthew laid it upon the ground and then himself upon it.
"How romantic, Lieutenant Crawley" Thomas said with cheek "but before I devour you completely, tell me where your vaseline is, for if I kiss you right now I won't be able to stop for anything but your own words telling me so."
"It's in my bag and hurry for being exposed, without you, feels highly undignified" Matthew said back as he popped himself upon his elbows to watch Thomas rummage through to find what he had promised would ease the pain about to come. With the lack of Thomas' touch Matthew felt anxious once more but it as soothened as Thomas body laid upon his own again. Their chests were pressed together, breathing in a strange unison.
Then it came again, their devouring. Thomas kissed Matthew with such a fire even hell seemed worth it at the time, jail seemed worth it — judgment seemed to be worth it with the way Thomas moved his lips against Matthew's, and he could not deny how badly he wanted the Corporal. It was evident by how painful his erection felt there, pressed between each other. He barely noticed the lid of the vaseline tub flying off, not until his legs were spread and one was brought over Thomas' shoulder. A finger came to grace his rim but it stopped there, clearly Thomas still awaited a final approval. With a nod Matthew gave it to him and the moan of 'yes' over and over again into the kiss.
With that Thomas pushed past the tightness, his fingertip submerged inside of Matthew Crawley. Inside of Matthew Crawley Thomas thought to himself, unable to truly believe it. He soothed the man's painful whimpers with more kisses and his unused hand caressed Matthew's cheek. To tell him to trust him, that in the end it would be worth more than his mind could comprehend. When the whimpers became quiet against his lips, Thomas pushed more of his finger inside until his knuckle touched the rim but he held still; for more painful whimpers escaped Matthew's lips. Again, Thomas soothed them all.
"My Matthew, trust me, it will be so worth it" Thomas spoke softly, a softness he had never been given by lovers, nor given lovers. Thomas truly loved the man that laid beneath him, his heart was soft for him, he was soft for him. It wasn't just coming undone physically, emotionally Thomas' had come completely undone for Matthew Crawley of all people.
His long finger searched and searched before he found what he was looking for and it caused Matthew's hips to jolt forward and let a moan, like no other moan before, left his lips. It was almost a cry of pleasure and Thomas whimpered in torture, but he could not push in yet. He hushed him gently and Matthew broke the kiss to bite down on Thomas' shoulder to silence himself.
"It's worth it, it's worth it" Matthew said over and over again, now moving against the finger inside of him. While a finger still pressed against that spot, whatever it was, he felt another one breach him. There was a new pain but it did not last nearly as long as the one before as, true to his words, Thomas said there would be a pleasure to remove the pain.
It was not long before Matthew moved down on both the fingers, his own digging into Thomas' shoulderblades, and there was a begging in his moans. But Thomas did not go further, not until Matthew's voice hissed in desperation "take me, Corporal Barrow, take me Thomas"
It was the second most thrilling words that Thomas could ever have heard. The first being three words he knew Matthew would never spill to him. So he took his hand from the back of Matthew's neck, where he had held him close, and he grabbed a generous amount of vaseline for his erection that laid painful upon Matthew's own, throbbing together. He took himself in his hand and coated it as much as he could. "Look at me, Matthew" Thomas then beckoned and Matthew heeded his words and those summer-sky eyes found Thomas' grey ones. With his two fingers stretching Matthew out he placed the head of his erection by the rim and then removed his fingers to let the tightness take him. Thomas moaned god's name in vain, not that god was here watching them anyway, and he began trembling as he held still and just let himself feel — feel Matthew around him.
There was pain, for Thomas' erection was far bigger than his fingers, but there was something soothing about watching how much pleasure just having the tip inside of him brought Thomas. His eyes almost seemed to be glossy with tears, Thomas' eyes were clouded behind water. It made it easier for Matthew to move a little, giving Thomas that conformation he was awaiting; what a restrain this medic showed and Matthew wondered if he ever could show the same if the roles were reversed — but of course he could, he wouldn't wish to hurt Thomas and Thomas didn't wish to hurt him.
Thomas kept his gaze locked with Matthew as he slowly slipped further and further into the sweet abyss of tightness. It surrounded not just his erection — it surrounded all of him. For this was intimacy only shared between wife and husband yet here he was, with a Crawley, with Matthew Crawley and sharing a moment of passion no bedsheets had ever known. When he was fully inside, his base pressed against Matthew's cheeks, he broke eye contact and let his head fall upon Matthew's shoulder as he muffled a cry of pleasure he had never experienced before. In a way, it was the first time for both of them but in very different ways. First time at all for Matthew, first time with someone Thomas' loved.
He held still again, afraid to move, afraid to do anything — even if there would be no thrusts, no confirmation from the man below him, even if Matthew would tell him to stop — just this was enough. But he needed not to ponder about it anymore, for two hands reached down and gripped his cheeks, pushing his hips forwards.
Then the gentle thrusts of Thomas began, pulling back, pushing inside again. Their foreheads came to rest together and before another passion-engulfed kiss was shared between them, they looked at each other and smiled. Against each other's mouths they moaned. They almost broke the skin upon each other's lips as they tried to keep screams to nothing but muffled noises as Thomas took his cock to that spot that had sent Matthew spinning before.
From sweet and gentle movements it turned back into that animalistic passion only their kisses and grinding had known before. Instead it was their entire bodies devoured by it, and with each push into Matthew's spot the thrusts turned into slams of Thomas' hips. Thomas then spun them around, straddling Matthew over his hips, and Thomas buried himself inside of him again.
Matthew looked nervous at first but there were large hands upon his hips. The hands brought comfort to Matthew as they began guiding him up and down that erection that caused sensation he had not ever heard of, read about; dreamt about. How could any woman bring this to him? How could anyone but Thomas? To elevate him and bring him down just right, to send shocks of pleasure jolting through every vein that pulsed through his body. Thomas was slamming himself straight into Matthew's heart. Matthew fell forwards but Thomas was prepared, he lifted his body off the ground, so their chests could be pressed together, with his heels and then their lips met again.
Could this not just last forever? Could they not just stay in this moment every single day they had left upon earth. Matthew was held still where he sat straddling, hunched over, pressed against Thomas, and Thomas shoved his entire body upwards, digging into Matthew. Matthew knew he could not hold it in any longer and by his face, he knew that Thomas knew.
Thomas let one hand leave the hip, holding him still with the strength of just one, and he let it wrap around Matthew's erection that bounced against his lower belly. For the first time he held what he had been rubbing his trousers against for months. He stroked Matthew, he stroked him until he saw that Matthew could not control himself anymore. Thomas knew it would not be quiet, not for either of them, and his neck arched to completely swallow Matthew's mouth with his own. Before he did though, he heard a sweet moan fall from Matthew's lips — a moan saying 'Oh Thomas'. Which was all Thomas needed to fill Matthew's inside up with himself, releasing everything he had, straight towards that spot he had been shoving his cock against over and over again. He whimpered, he wanted to cry out in happiness, but he muffled himself and dug his fingers into Matthew's hip and squeezed his erection one last time.
Matthew felt it, Thomas orgasm, he knew how his body tensed by now — though it was much more intense, and extreme, and so was the feeling of the release. Matthew was trembling, twitching and he felt complete — he groaned, clawed at every inch of Thomas, as he let himself simply feel what he had been promised, pleasure beyond, an orgasm that surely would bring even God to his knees and condemn himself for condemning their actions. Why did it have to end? Why couldn't he have held out for longer? Did the trenches and war really need to return when behind these walls, these weak walls.
They collapsed on the blanket, out of breath and still out of touch with everything but them. How could Matthew ever return from this? Was there a return from the dangerous former footman? But to Matthew he was kind, he was everything everyone said he wasn't, he was respectful— the latter seemed strange but there was only one answer to that.
"Have I earned your respect?" Matthew said breathlessly against Thomas' chest.
"W-What?" Thomas squeezed out through harsh breaths and his dry throat as Matthew had stolen all saliva from him, thinking, at first, Matthew meant that he had only done this so Thomas would respect him.
"You waited, you were patient, you were respectful — I must have earned your respect at some point in all of these months." Matthew looked up at the sweaty man he had just given himself to.
Thomas smiled and sighed with relief, he was speaking of the words they had shared months ago "You earned more than my respect the moment you realised what I am and asked me to stay, without disgust in your heart" Thomas said and pressed his lips to Matthew's forehead.
There was a smile on Matthew's lips as he laid his head to rest upon Thomas' chest once again. "Perhaps leave for the holiday's is not needed, maybe I am more needed here to bring merriment to the men."
"If you must, then I will have to brag about being the man who you gave your merriment to first,'' Thomas said and licked his lips before hiding his face into Matthew's blonde locks.
"That merriment I shall save for behind closed doors with you" Matthew closed his eyes and thought to himself all is fair in love and war, and this was war — nothing more, nothing less no — he was not falling for a man, he was not falling for Thomas Barrow.