a/n: I do not own the characters of Downton Abbey, this is purely for fun. Matthew and Thomas are my favourite paring that not many write about. Some events will be slightly altered, some timelines as well, but I try to keep most events there - even if they are cheekily redone. I am also not a WW1 expert (more of a WW2 studier) so I apologise if some things are a bit out of touch and not 100% historically correct, it's all in good fun. English is not my first language but I do try my hardest with grammar and words, I hope you will excuse any mistakes. Thanks for listening, now enjoy!

Downton Abbey,

April 1919

Mrs Hughes let out a small cough to try and clear the throat that had welled up from Thomas' story of the battlefield. How absolutely terrifying it must have been there, crawling underneath bullets and between the bodies of soldiers whom you had talked to the same day. How very brave Thomas had been as well, risking his life for Matthew's and Mrs Hughes understood now, if she hadn't before, that it was love she doubted many had experienced before.

"Oh Thomas, silly lad, why won't you speak of that?" Mrs Hughes said, almost frustrated with how this footman had a completely different side to him "It will shed such a different light upon you."

Thomas shook his head, moving on his bed there in the attic, and took his tea that now had grown cold. Mrs Hughes fixed that with pouring more into the cup from the teapot that still held some warmth to it. "That would be to invite friendship and when you are like me, Mrs Hughes, it's easier to keep everyone at arm's length."

Mrs Hughes sighed "I'm not saying not keep that part of you to yourself, but to invite some kindness into your life."

Thomas, with his cheeks sucked in thought of what to say. Of course Mrs Hughes was right, but it did not matter much. Even if everyone else knew, and they warmed up to the footman, he would soon settle back into the role of the unkind and snooty Thomas Barrow — Thomas Barrow who had a wit and sarcasm upon his tongue. Though, that was not what people despised in him, they despised when his words turned into venom and meant to hurt. But he was who he was, it was his part to play — nasty and unkind to those around him.

Mrs Hughes said no more on that matter, clearly Thomas would not budge on that right now, and she wouldn't pry much further — not tonight at least. "I never knew your leg was wounded too."

"I don't tend to speak of my other injury too, if I can avoid it, but it isn't as conspicuous" Thomas said and reached for the biscuits on the assiett "I was lucky not to end up like poor old Mr Bates" Mrs Hughes gave him a stern look and smacked his hand away from the biscuits

"Don't be nasty Thomas, not just to prove that you still can" She said and smacked his hand away from the tray of biscuits. "Especially to a man who is in prison"

"Sorry Mrs Hughes... " Thomas said, sounding a bit humbled by the reminder that Mr Bates was in prison and probably awaiting the sentence of the gallows. He reached for the biscuits again and this time his hand was not smacked.

"I brought you some tea Th—-" The maid, Maud, opened the door and invited herself into Thomas' room. Her face turned pale and her eyes blinked rapidly at the sight of Mrs Hughes — Maud knew very well she was not allowed to be on this side of the hallway, not without permission.

"Maud, what are you doing here?" Mrs Hughes stood up, stern faced and her back was straight. "You're now allowed in the boys hallway"

"Sorry Mrs Hughes, I just thought Thomas was hungry" She said and looked past the head housekeeper and to Thomas, giving him a smile "Hi Thomas! I heard your war injury was troubling you" She said and walked over to place the tray of food in Thomas' lap.

"Well alright, I suppose I will overlook this once, that's very kind of you Maud" Mrs Hughes said and sat back down, waiting for the maid to leave the room once more.

"Thank you Maud" Thomas said and gave her a nod with a small smile even though her eyes pierced him uncomfortably as she placed the tray on his legs.

"Thank you for serving Thomas, it must be so painful with your hand" Maud said, her eyes still fixated upon Thomas before with a smile she moved away and, as she left, she gave Thomas a wave and closed the door.

"Blimey, what was that about?" Thomas said and pushed the tray of supper to the end of his bed.

"I think she might be soft on you" Mrs Hughes and her concerned eyes looked in the direction where Maud had left.

Thomas shook his head, not truly believing that "I have barely said a word to her since she arrived"

"Well, then she at least find you handsome Thomas and wishes to be sweet on you" Mrs Hughes exhaled and turned her gaze to Thomas once more "and don't encourage it for fun like you did poor Daisy"

Thomas shook his head, he would never intentionally break someone's heart again — not when he knew how painful it was. "I wouldn't Mrs Hughes, that much I've changed that I know what a broken heart feels like"

"Oh for heaven's sake, Thomas, how could you have thought this would have a happy ending?" Mrs Hughes sighed "Mr Crawley has duties, not only to himself but to the estate and it's line of succession."

"When love is returned a boy can dream, can he not, Mrs Hughes?" Thomas' question was answered with Mrs Hughes typical 'I suppose' before she shook her head at the footman lying in his bed.

"And I suppose Matthew gave in and didn't leave what you had in France and the trenches?" Mrs Hughes said but Thomas shook his head.

"No, even if he was still there, I was not anymore," Thomas said and reached for the drawer on his nightstand and from it he extracted a large bundle of letters, neatly tied together with a bow. "So for many months letters was all we shared, letters of love and longing"

"Oh go on then, tell me more" She urged the footman and she reached out to refill her own cup as Thomas now smiled wider; glad that she still wished to hear about the weight in his heart.