Connie is probably the smartest person Steven knows, and he thinks it might have had something to do with the fact that she notices things others don't, like when he'd gone from twelve to thirteen- Or now when he's just finished excitedly telling her about flying with Lapis only to fall silent.
"What's wrong?" Connie asks. "Was it another flashback?"
The pair of them are seated comfortably on the floor with lion, but Connie's face twists in concern when Steven goes quiet, eyeing the way his hands clenched in his lap. Even lion growls softly and nudges Steven's back.
Steven nods with his eyes cast down, busing one of his hands petting Lion's soft pink fur.
"I remembered lapis attacking me and wrecking the van, and..." he looks up then, hands going still, and eyes sad, "And that you almost drowned."
Connie's eyes widen only slightly as she sits back.
"Oh." She keeps her voice soft, "Are you okay?"
"Me?" Steven looks taken back. "Connie, you could have died!"
He can still recall the watery visage of Connie as she struggled to be released, unable to hold her breath any longer, bubbles coming from her mouth-
"What about you?" Connie asks, unknowingly pulling him away from the memory, "She had you trapped too."
Steven shakes his head, objecting.
"But that's different!"
Steven winces at the way Connies expression changes; how shocked and sad and hurt she looks.
"What does that mean?" She asks, frowning in sharp disapproval, "Are you saying my life is more important than yours?"
"I-i- it's not that," He manages, although a part of him fiercely disagrees. If it came down to a choice between the two, Connie would always be his priority. Still, Steven knows it's not the correct response; he doesn't want Connie to think he doesn't care about himself at all because that is equally untrue.
Isn't it?
"I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you, Connie, " He says instead, his own eyes burning as the memory of her struggling for air comes to the forefront of his mind. "I wouldn't...I couldn't.." he can't seem to get the words out, a kind of helpless frustration welling up inside him.
Connie's face softens.
"Steven..." she sighs as she reaches out to touch his face, and he realizes to his embarrassment that he's crying.
She wipes away a tear, and Steven fights the urge to blush; because it feels so different from when his dad or one of the gems do it. Connie must notice his reaction because a second later, she pulls back.
"It wouldn't have been your fault," she says.
He can't remember which of the two of them moved first or if they met in the middle simultaneously, but they were hugging after that. When he thinks back on it later, Steven blushes in embarrassment, sure he'd gotten Connie's shoulder wet from his tears.
When they pull back, Connie is quick to tell him again that he isn't responsible for everyone and everything and certainly not accountable for what happened between her and Lapis.
"I guess that explains Lapis's apology, though," Connie says, and Steven can't help but chuckle.
"I take it from everyone's reactions; that's not something that happens too often." He replies.
Connie raises an eyebrow as she says, "The first time I mentioned it to her, she said, and I quote 'I almost drown a lot of people.'."
Steven snorts at that, and Connie joins in with a chuckle of her own, and the air around him seems somehow easier to breathe.
After that, Connie insists he finish telling her everything, and it's not until Steven reaches the point at the sky arena, when Holo pearl showed up, that he begins to falter again. He manages to tell her about the memory of being cornered in the kitchen, but when he gets to the part about Pearl being stabbed, he suddenly falls silent again.
"Steven?" Connie's voice is concerned; behind Steven, Lion lets out a soft growl of his own.
"Sorry, I-" he stops again and then sighs as he admits. "It was bad."
"IF you don't want to talk I about, I-"
"Pearl got stabbed, and she poofed, and I thought she was gone forever!" He suddenly exclaims, eyes wide and distressed, "And Amethyst's gem was cracked, and she was glitching and talking funny and-" He gasps for air as he continues," And I don't know what ..what happened to Garnet but she ..she looked so scared, and she just fell apart in front of me and-!"
his breath catches in his throat, and it suddenly feels like he's there again, heart pounding with fear and guilt and-
-and Connie is capturing his hands in her own, instructing him calmly to breathe.
"It's okay, Steven," She says, "You're in your room right now. You're safe. The gems are right downstairs, and they're safe too."
He nods and swallows and tries to focus on Connie's calm although concerned face and the warmth of her hands in his.
"Just breathe."
He takes in a deliberately slow breath and then exhales, and Connie gives his hands a reassuring squeeze and smiles encouragingly at him.
"That's it. You're doing great."
He blushes even though he's relieved to find his heart no longer beating quite so fast and his breathing evening out.
"T-thanks," he stutters slightly but recovers, "I didn't mean to start panicking like that, I-"
"Steven, it's fine," Connie reassures him, "I'm just glad I was able to help before you went into a full panic attack."
A panic attack.
He hadn't known exactly what to call those feelings before, but the name fit.
He sighs, "Me too."
"If you don't think you can talk about it, it's okay." she says, "I don't want to push you."
Steven looks down at their joined hands and frowns.
"It was hard to see all those memories of the gems hurt like that," he confessed, "But the worst part was...was that I couldn't do anything to help them. I felt..useless."
Connie frowns at that.
"What did the gems say when you told them?" She asks curiously, "I'm sure they told you that wasn't the case."
"Uh, well," Steven pulls his hands back, rubbing the back of his neck as he admits, "I didn't exactly get around to the details. I sorta summoned my shield and passed out, heh."
Connie nods, "Pearl did mention that part on the phone. She said you summoned your shield a total of 4 times. That's pretty impressive, Steven."
The boy feels himself blush under the praise.
"OH!" Steven grins as he jumps up off the floor, "I bet I could do it again if I-"
But Connie immediately waves her hands in a stopping motion.
"Steven, wait. Using your powers multiple times in one day used to really tire you out," She explains, "I wouldn't want you to push yourself."
"But I-"
"Knock, Knock."
The sound of another voice has steven looking up, just as his dad steps into the room, a box of pizza balanced in one hand and two sodas in the other.
"Sorry if I'm interrupting," The man apologizes, "Got a special delivery here for some hungry teens."
Steven grins.
"Dad!" he darts over to hug him around the middle, pulling back and gratefully accepting the pizza, "When did you get here?"
"Just a few minutes ago," he answers, using his now free hand to ruffle his son's har, "Heard you had a rough start today. You doing okay?"
There's genuinely worry in the older man's gaze.
"Yeah, I'm okay now," Steven offers his best smile, "It was a lot, but I had the gems there with me."
"I'm glad," Greg says, sounding just as relieved as he looks, "And hey," he smiles, "Now you got Connie and me here too."
Steven beams as Connie comes forward with a friendly greeting as she accepts the two sodas from the man.
"Thanks, ."
"Hey, it's no trouble," the older man says, "I'll let you two get back to catching up, but I'll be right downstairs if either of you needs anything, okay?"
When they settle back down on the floor with the pizza box open between them -pepperoni, his favorite- Steven quickly finishes his story.
"-and then you showed up, and here we are."
"You've had a busy few days," Connie says, "I feel exhausted just hearing about it all."
"But what about you?" Steven asks, grinning, "I wanna hear all about your last few days too."
Connie tries to brush the comment off, stating that her days haven't been nearly as interesting.
"Trust me; I'd probably bore you to tears." She says.
"What? No way! I love hearing about your day," Steven says, leaning forward eagerly, "Like how was school? What sort of classes did you have? What did they serve for lunch? Did you have tennis practice? And what kinds of homework did you have to do? Was it hard? What's it like to-"
Connie starts giggling, and Steven immediately blushes.
"You really wanna know all that?" She asks, a bemused smile on her face.
"OF course I do," Steven says back, "I wanna be a part of your universe too."
Connie looks stunned by his words, mouth opening and closing for a moment until her eyes dart away, the slice of pizza in her hand all but forgotten.
Steven frowns.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"What? no!" Connie immediately protests, looking back at him, "I guess I just realized..as much as you've made me a part of your life, included me in everything -even being a crystal gem- I never really made the same effort for you."
She suddenly looks so sad and guilt-ridden, and Steven can't stand it.
"I'm so sorry, Steven."
He wants to tell her that it's okay, that he doesn't mind- doesn't remember even- but the words stick in his throat.
Instead, Steven shrugs uncomfortably and offers a tentative smile in her direction.
"What if we just start over?" He suggests, "You can tell me everything now, even the stuff you think is boring."
Connie finally smiles some, looking equal parts relieved and grateful.
"I'd like that."