It was a measure of just how weird his life had become that the strangest thing about getting a visitor from space was that it wasn't Thor.

Instead, it was a woman that looked all too human – except, of course, for the fact that her entire body was glowing as she floated beside his penthouse landing gantry, over a thousand feet up in the air. She was cradling a basket under one arm.

"Hi there, I'm looking for Fury. Nicholas Fury?" she greeted him.

Tony raised an eyebrow at her. "And why would you be looking for the one-eyed pirate here of all places?" he wondered. "Didn't he give you the address to the super secret boyband clubhouse?"

"Isn't this the headquarters for the Avengers?" the woman asked. She frowned sideways at where the only remaining letter on the Tower's side was visible. "I thought that was what the A stood for?"

"Technically, this is still Stark Tower," Tony informed her. "As in, Tony Stark's Tower. My Tower. I extended an invitation to the others, but so far only one of them has taken me up on that. And Fury is definitely not on the guest list. So if you're looking for him, then I'm afraid you're out of luck."

The woman frowned harder, then glanced down at the basket under her arm before looking upwards towards the sky. "Well, I don't have time to go looking for him," she said, finally turning her attention back to Tony. "I've got a thief to catch. I'll have to leave these with you, and you can pass them on to Nick. He should be pleased to see them; they're Goose's offspring, and he seemed to like her well enough."

She didn't give Tony a chance to tell her that he didn't understand before she was darting forward, pressing the basket into his own hands – ignoring the gauntlets that were powered up and pointing at her – and swooping back away from the Tower. "Tell Nick I'll be back for them later," she shouted, and then, with a burst of light so bright Tony had to turn away, she darted up into the sky and vanished.

Tony turned back and stared disbelievingly upwards. "I am not Fury's postal delivery boy!" he shouted, despite knowing he was wasting his breath.

The basket in his hands suddenly lurched, and Tony almost dropped it. A querulous sounding brrrp came from inside it.

Gingerly, Tony lowered the basket to the floor and peeked into the basket. Five pairs of gleaming eyes stared back at him.

"Oh shit," said Tony. "JARVIS, you better get Fury on the line, immediately, and tell him to come pick up his parcel before it starts scratching up the place and I bill him for damages."

The basket squeaked in response.

"I'm sorry, you must have had a technical malfunction," Tony said, less than fifteen minutes later. "Because I could have sworn you just said you're not coming to pick up this delivery."

"You heard right, Stark. I'm not coming to pick it up," Nick Fury confirmed. "I have somewhere to be right now and can't just swing by to collect whatever it is Carol dropped off. Surely you can hold on to it for a week or two."

"Fury, these are live animals," Tony protested. "Pepper will kill me if I make her look after them!"

SHIELD's director ran a hand over his chin, thoughtfully. "Well, here's a thought," he said. "Why don't you look after them, then?"

Tony waved his hands wildly in the vague direction of himself. "Because I can't even take care of myself," he protested. "Just ask Pepper! Or JARVIS!"

"Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to learn, Stark, and fast," said Fury. Someone yelled something in the background of wherever he was, and Fury glanced over his shoulder. "I'll be back in touch in two weeks," he said. "And tell Barton and Romanov to get their asses back here. I've got a job for them."

Without further ado, Fury hung up.

Tony slumped back in his chair. "Now what?" he complained. "I am not fit to look after a gnat, JARVIS, let alone a bunch of kittens! And I do not want to know how somebody so obviously from space came across a bunch of kittens."

"She did say that they were the offspring of 'Goose'," JARVIS pointed out. "Perhaps she has her own cat."

"Great." Tony threw his hands in the air in frustration. "So a space travelling cat then. Wonderful! I am still not running a pet shelter here, JARVIS! Find someone that we can foist them off on."

"I will do my best, sir," said JARVIS, although his tone was doubtful. "In the meantime, I shall see about procuring supplies for them."

"Don't get too much," Tony warned him. "They aren't staying here for long."

"No, no, no, close that door, close it!" Tony hollered as the door to his workshop slid open. "JARVIS, who told you to open that door?!"

"I did," Rhodey said, at the same time as JARVIS', "My apologies, sir, Colonel Rhodes used his override code."

"Platypus!" Tony enthused, making grabby hands at the other man from where he was sitting at one of his tables. "Come over here and give me a hug! I'd get up, but I'm a bit trapped at the moment."

"Trapped?" Rhodey frowned at him but obediently crossed the room towards him, only to pause in surprise once he got a good look at Tony. "What the hell…?" he asked.

Tony glanced down at the ginger kitten curled up asleep on his lap and sighed. "A blond woman from space called Carol dropped these off for Fury," he explained. "But he refused to take them, so I've been looking after them."

"Them?" Rhodey also glanced down at the kitten, then up and around the workshop. "Tony, I can only see one…"

Tony straightened up in alarm. "Shit!" he said, heartily. "JARVIS, are the rest of them still in the workshop, or did they sneak out when Rhodey snuck in?"

"I did not sneak in," Rhodey protested, indignantly. "If you'd answered your phone like a normal person, I'd have told you I was dropping by."

"That's true, sir," JARVIS chimed in. "Colonel Rhodes did attempt to contact you several times. Also, all kittens are present and accounted for in the workshop, sir. None of them got out."

Tony slumped in relief. "Thank God," he sighed. "I've got no idea how I'd explain them…"

In the process of reaching out a hand to stroke the ginger kitten, Rhodey froze. "Explain what?" he demanded, turning his head to glare at Tony. "What, exactly, do you need to explain about kittens? What's going on, Tones?"

"Um—" Tony sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, remember I said it was a woman from space who dropped them off? Apparently, they're some kind of alien space breed; they just look like normal Earth cats."

Even more wary now, Rhodey drew back completely. He eyed the kitten on Tony's lap, and then the still suspiciously-empty-of-kittens workshop. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asked.

With the kind of timing that made Tony think the kitten had been awake the whole time, it slowly blinked its eyes open, lifted its head, and yawned. Small tentacles emerged from the gaping maw and waved merrily at Rhodey before retreating as the kitten closed its mouth again.

Rhodey screamed.

"No, no, no, platypus, calm down, it won't hurt you!" Tony hastened to assure his friend, holding his hands out placatingly. "It's just a baby, I swear, it can't swallow something of your size yet—"

"Swallow?!" Rhodey demanded, in a high-pitched squeak that Tony reminded himself to make fun of him for later. "Tony… what the fuck…?"

Tony sighed. "According to Fury, they're an alien species called flerkins," he said. "Looks just like an Earth cat, except their mouth holds a pocket dimension – or an alternate dimension, Fury wasn't really too clear about that – and their claws are necrotic. That's how Fury lost his eye; he had a run-in with one in the mid-90s."

Rhodey had gone pale enough that Tony began mentally apologising to the kitten in case he had to abruptly fling it aside so he could go catch Rhodey. "Alien," the man said, faintly. "Necrotic. Here?"

Thankfully, Tony was well-versed in Rhodey's thought processes. "Yes, here," he agreed. "As I said, Carol dropped them off here because she thought Fury was here, but she couldn't stick around when she discovered he wasn't, and Fury wouldn't come pick them up. It's not like I could just take an armour up and yeet them back into space again."

"You could," Rhodey argued, weakly. "I'm sure you could…"

Tony gave a gasp of faux outrage and cupped his hands over the kitten's ears. It twitched them against his palms but wasn't bothered enough to disturb itself. "How dare you?" Tony said. "Encouraging me to harm a poor little, innocent kitty…"

"Didn't sound so innocent to me," Rhodey pointed out. "You said Fury lost an eye to one."

"Well, yeah, but just don't do anything to make them want to scratch you." Tony shrugged at his friend. "Problem solved." A flicker of movement from close to the floor caught his attention, and he flicked his gaze briefly downwards. Glancing back up again, he smirked at Rhodey. "You might not want to make any sudden movements there, platypus," he warned.

Rhodey frowned at him, then looked downwards as well and immediately froze. A small black and white kitten had stealthily attached itself to the leg of his pants and was currently hanging just below his knee. "Tony," Rhodey said in a barely audible whisper. "Help!"

Tony laughed and lifted the kitten from his lap, placing it carefully on the work table beside him. The kitten accepted the change of scenery with good grace and sat down to begin washing its face with a paw. Finally free of feline restraints for the first time that afternoon, Tony got to his feet and went to rescue Rhodey from the kitten. Or the kitten from Rhodey, either way.

"Relax, platypus," he soothed, bending down to try and prise out the kitten's claws. "The claws aren't necrotic yet; it's apparently an adult defence system. It was one of the first things I tested once Fury told me about it and that he wasn't coming to get them."

Rhodey did not look the least little bit reassured, which was just plain rude, because didn't he trust Tony? "What about the pocket dimension?" he asked. "You said they couldn't swallow anything 'my size' yet… which means they can certainly swallow something right now."

Shaking his head, Tony decided that the set-up Rhodey had just given him was far too easy. Instead, he concentrated on untangling the kitten, who did not appreciate being denied its jungle-gym. "Just a small one, from what readings JARVIS could get," he said. "Barely fit anything in there. They're babies right now, Rhodey, okay? We calculated them to be only about four months old." He finally pulled the kitten free and straightened up to show it properly to Rhodey. "Say hi!" he instructed.

"No," Rhodey objected, taking a step back to prevent Tony from thrusting the small cat into his face. "I don't want to say hi to that… thing." He shuddered, then took a deep breath. "I came to say hi to you," he continued. "I was hoping we could go out somewhere, go do something together. Been a while since I got leave…"

That was true. Between Tony's work for SI, being Iron Man, Rhodey's Air Force missions and his missions as War Machine, it had been months since they'd last been able to do more than leave messages for each other.

"Sure, sounds great!" enthused Tony. He spun round and gently tossed the black and white kitten further into the workshop. It landed on its feet, turned to glare at him, and then sat down to wash its tail. "JARVIS, you're on cat-sitting duty! And also, find the nearest place that does Thai and make reservations."

"Of course, sir," JARVIS agreed in a long-suffering sigh as the two men exited the workshop. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…"

By the time they returned, some six or seven hours later, Rhodey was full of good food, the swill that he called beer and Tony called dishwater, and the joys of lambasting the latest sci-fi movie that was more fiction than science. He'd clearly almost forgotten the newest inhabitants of Tony's lab as he gave Tony an odd look when the workshop door opened just barely enough to let them through.

"Welcome home, sir," said JARVIS. He sounded relieved, which made both Tony and Rhodey squint suspiciously up towards his nearest camera. "I do believe the kittens have missed you—"

"Kittens?" Rhodey repeated, and then his eyes widened as the memory returned to him. "Oh, shit," he hissed, as he immediately jumped up to sit on the nearest table.

"Oh, honestly, platypus!" Tony scolded him, looking around the workshop for the kittens. "I told you already, they're just babies. They won't hurt you."

"You say that now," said Rhodey, frowning at him. "I've been scratched by cats before, Tones. Normal ones! Without… tentacles and… and… necrotic claws!"

Tony rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Rhodey, I told you," he repeated, more firmly, "they don't have necrotic claws yet because – and I'll say it again – they're just babies."

"Yeah, baby aliens," Rhodey muttered under his breath.

Tony gave up. His friend would obviously just have to spend time around the kittens; then he'd see how cute and how totally not dangerous they were. Of course… Tony would have to find them first.

"JARVIS, where are the kittens?" he asked, ducking to look under another work bench. If they'd missed him as JARVIS said, he would have expected them to come running as soon as they heard the workshop door open.

Instead of JARVIS, however, a long shrill, panicked beep from the other end of the workshop answered him. Both men glanced over, and then had to do a doubletake.

Dum-E was standing in the middle of the kitchenette area, his claw lowered almost to the floor. Dangling from the arm strut was a smoky grey kitten, mouth open and small tentacles firmly wrapped around the metal. Two of the other kittens were sitting on his base, playfully swiping at each other around a corner of his body. A fourth was perched regally on his 'shoulder' part, eyeing the dangling kitten with disdain.

"What…?" was all Tony could manage before he burst into laughter.

The sound caught the kittens' attention, and three of them immediately bounced off Dum-E to come racing across the workshop towards him, meowing enthusiastically at the tops of their voices and circling his feet, headbutting at his ankles. The grey kitten twisted awkwardly for a moment before it worked out how to release its tentacled grip and then it, too, was racing over to greet him, tentacles flying out behind it for a moment before it drew them back in.

Dum-E gave a relieved sounding beep, and immediately whirred off towards his charging station in the corner. Clearly, he'd had enough of being a feline babysitter.

"Hi, guys," Tony cooed to them, crouching down to pet them. "Where's your sibling gone off to?"

Rhodey made an odd, startled noise behind him, and Tony twisted around to see his friend peering in horrified confusion into one of the numerous coffee mugs scattered around the place. This particular one was one of Tony's favourites, because it held practically the entire coffee pot in it.

"Um, you might want to wash this one before using it again," said Rhodey, and gingerly held the mug out towards Tony.

Baffled, Tony took it and looked inside it. Was it growing mould again? He hadn't thought it had been that long since he'd last used it…

A sleepy, yet inquisitive pair of eyes looked back at him.

"What the—?" Tony yelped, almost dropping the mug. The flerkin kitten twitched an ear then obviously decided he wasn't worth the effort and tucked itself into a ball again.

In his coffee mug!

"How dare you?" demanded Tony, even as he grinned down at the kitten that was plainly ignoring him now. "That's my favourite mug, I'll have you know. It should never contain anything except coffee. Or, on the rare occasion, mould," he admitted. "Kittens are definitely not on the list of acceptable substitutes!"

The kitten continued to ignore him.

Shaking his head, Tony finished petting the other felines and then carefully tipped the mug to roll the fifth kitten out. It went reluctantly, meowing its indignation as it was ejected from its comfortable resting place.

"How long are you supposed to hold on to them?" Rhodey wanted to know as he watched Tony make his way over to the kitchenette, stepping high and careful in an effort to avoid kicking any of the kittens in the head. "They're supposed to go to Fury, right?"

Tony grunted in agreement as he finally reached the kitchenette and dumped the coffee mug into the sink. He automatically flipped on the coffee machine whilst he was there before turning to look back at Rhodey. "Yeah, but Fury's not even answering my calls anymore and he never stays in one place long enough for JARVIS to hack someone else's phone. So I guess they've got to make do with me until that Carol comes back."

"If she comes back," Rhodey pointed out. "And what if she doesn't? What then?" He glanced down at where the kittens were still circling Tony's feet, meowing loudly. "What if she does?" he added.

Seeing that his friend was serious, Tony took the time to actually think about the matter as he began automatically preparing dinner for the flerkins. He neatly caught the ginger kitten as it tried to leap onto the counter and dropped it back to the floor in the same movement. It meowed louder in protest.

"I guess they'd just have to stay here," he said, finally. "Can't just send a bunch of alien cats to the local animal shelter."

"Here, as in your workshop here? Or here as in the entire Tower, here?" asked Rhodey. "Because they can't stay down here forever – they will need fresh air eventually."

"I know, I know," grumbled Tony, setting the food dishes onto the floor and watching as the kittens leapt on the bowls like starving piranhas.

Honestly, he had no clue as to what he was going to do with the flerkins if Fury continued to refuse to take them – or even talk to Tony about them – or if the woman who'd dropped them off didn't come back for them. He wondered, vaguely, what exactly her plan had been for Fury to do with them. Was she planning on coming back to get them from him, or were they supposed to be some kind of gift for the man?

Of course, Tony wasn't sure what he would do if she did come back for them. They'd only been here for a couple of weeks, but he was already fond of them and letting them go wouldn't get any easier from here on out.

But would it be fair to keep them in a place that was full of normal, civilian people? People whose only experience of aliens so far was Thor and the Chitauri?

"I have to think on it," he finally sighed. "But for now—" He turned back to Rhodey. "How's the War Machine doing?"

Eight weeks later, the situation had not gotten any clearer for him. The blond woman, Carol, had still not returned, and Fury was still ducking his calls. The flerkins were growing as rapidly as normal Earth cats do and were constantly getting into mischief. The black and white one in particular was getting more adventurous by the minute, making it harder for Tony to get in and out of the workshop without also letting the kitten out, too.

And it was definitely not safe to let them out into the general populace just yet.

Apparently, flerkin adolescence was just as bad as human adolescence; the kittens seemed to have lost all control over their tentacles and keeping them hidden. Not a thing in the workshop was safe from a kitten's curious exploration, and over the past couple of weeks, Tony had begun losing more and more.

Case in point…

"Where the hell is my wrench?" he asked the grey kitten sitting beside him on the table. He had been making adjustments to one of his gauntlets, but there was a particularly stubborn bolt at the side of the wrist that he couldn't open by himself. When he'd patted around the table looking for the right tool, however, his hand had met with nothing but empty metal table top and warm fur.

The kitten gave him a wide-eyed, innocent look, but he was too wise to that particular trick now, and he scowled at it in return. It sighed, but immediately began coughing as though it were trying to bring up a hairball.

Instead, the kitten's mouth opened wide enough for its tentacles to writhe outwards and, with a dull plunk, his saliva-drenched tool fell onto the table.

The kitten drew its tentacles back in, closed its mouth, and then gave him a satisfied yet guilty look.

"Thank you," he said to it, making a face as he gingerly picked it up and took it over to the sink to wash it. There was no way he was risking getting flerkin saliva inside his Iron Man gauntlet; god alone knew what that'd do to it.

"Sir, Colonel Rhodes is calling," JARVIS abruptly informed him. The AI didn't even wait for him to acknowledge, let alone agree, before the familiar sound of War Machine in flight was echoing through the workshop.

"Tony, I hope you're at the Tower right now," Rhodey said.

"What, I don't even rate a 'hi, Tony, how're you doing'?" Tony complained.

A video screen popped up in front of Tony, and Rhodey gave him a very unimpressed look. "When I'm having to come to you because my suit's mechanics don't work due to cat hair? Then no, you don't," he said.

Tony blinked at him. "Cat hair?" he repeated. "But… the kits weren't anywhere near War Machine the last time you brought it in!"

"Tones, they're cats," said Rhodey, dryly. "They get everywhere you don't want 'em. Haven't you seen all those videos on YouTube? Cats are made of liquid, or can teleport, or some shit. Anyway, the mechanic on base said there's cat hair gumming up the works; almost dumped me on my ass outta the sky during the last training exercise. Can't be risking it doing that when I'm on mission."

Tony was horrified by the mere thought of that. "No, no, God, no!" he agreed, hastily. "I'll fix it, don't you worry, platypus. And I'll explain to the kits that they're not allowed near the War Machine. Or any of my suits," he added, as the thought struck him. His suit was a lot more exposed to the young flerkins than Rhodey's suit had been.

Although… he hadn't really seen much cat hair around the place, had he? Tony cast a suspicious sideways glance at the nearest flerkin, who, once it realised he was looking at it, stuck its nose up in the air and sauntered off.

"Tower's in sight," Rhodey reported. "See you in a minute." The screen winked out as the call cut off.

Tony sighed and headed towards the kitchenette. It was the best way to gather all the kittens together – they were demanding little brats when it came to being fed. "All right, listen up," he instructed, once all five had made their appearance and were circling his feet, meowing as though they hadn't been fed in days. "I don't know whether you guys can actually control whether you shed or not, but if you can… No more shedding on or in or around the War Machine armour, you got it?"

As one, all five felines sat down and stared unblinkingly up at him. "Yeah, that's not creepy at all," Tony murmured to himself. "Look, you're probably just playing a prank on Rhodey, right? Hazing the new guy who's a bit wary of you. But he relies on that armour to protect him, like I do mine. Neither of us can afford to have it cut out on us when we need it most, okay? So I'm telling you now – the armours are off limits."

One of the kittens tilted its head, and Tony had a brief thought that he'd just made a huge mistake – he hadn't, after all, said that clothing was off limits – but before he could open his mouth again, the kittens all meowed and then ran off so fast that he swore they must have teleported instead. Could flerkins do that? He had no idea.

He returned to his work table to carry on working on the gauntlet until Rhodey arrived. There was just… one minor hiccup to that plan.

"Who the hell swallowed my wrench this time?!"

"And you're absolutely certain there's no sign of Tungsten anywhere in the lab?" Tony asked, for what felt like the fiftieth time.

JARVIS sighed, also for what felt like the fiftieth time. "Yes, sir, I am certain," he said. "I have scanned every inch of the workshop repeatedly; Tungsten is not here."

"Oh, God." Tony dropped his head into his hands and groaned. "Where the hell can he have got to?"

"You looking for a certain grey furball?" Rhodey's voice abruptly said out of thin air, and Tony jumped, almost falling off his chair. He looked around wildly, and JARVIS obligingly pulled up a screen. From the look of the background, Rhodey was lounging on his bed at wherever he was based right now. He was also cradling a ball of grey fluff on his chest.

"Tungsten!" For the first time in his life, Tony thought he might faint with relief. "How the hell did he get there?" he demanded.

Rhodey pulled a face. "Would you believe attached to the back of War Machine?" he replied.

Tony's mouth fell open. "What?" he squeaked. "How the—? Why…?"

"No idea." Rhodey shrugged. "I didn't even know it was there until I landed. Almost gave me and the other crew a heart attack when it suddenly leapt off."

"He," Tony absently corrected. "Decided that Carol isn't coming back for them, so we finally got around to naming and, um, sexing them. That's Tungsten. Who is a very bad boy!" he added, emphatically, towards the flerkin, who didn't even bother to twitch an ear at him.

Rhodey looked as though he was fighting back a grin. Very unsuccessfully, Tony might add. "Well, look, the brass won't let me off the base again this soon just to return… him, and there's no way I can send him back with someone else, so I'm afraid you're gonna have to fly here yourself to collect him."

Tony studied his friend through the screen. Rhodey bore the scrutiny heroically, merely raising his eyebrows at Tony. "You know," Tony said, slowly, "if you wanted an excuse to see me again, you didn't have to kidnap my flerkin."

"Okay, one, do not say that, ever again," Rhodey protested. "Especially not where anybody else can hear you. And two, if anyone kidnapped the thing, it was itself. Himself." He shook his head, flustered. "It was the flerkin's fault. So just come down here and get it, man. Before he decides to show my superiors that Thor isn't the only alien to come visiting."

"You sure you don't want him to stay with you?" asked Tony, teasingly. "He's obviously attached to you."

Rhodey snorted. "Attached to War Machine, you mean," he corrected. "And somehow I doubt he'll manage to keep the tentacles hidden. So, yeah, I am strictly a supervised visitation parent. No taking the kids home with me." Tungsten glanced up at him and yawned, tentacles flowering outwards and waving merrily around Rhodey's face. "Ugh, cat breath," he complained, leaning backwards out of the way.

Tungsten withdrew his tentacles, but then stretched out his body, one of his front paws just happening to end up pressed against Rhodey's mouth. Tony bit his lip hard enough that for a split second he worried he might bite the entire way through, but it wasn't enough to fully stifle the snickers that wanted to escape at the expression Rhodey now wore.

"I think…" he spluttered, "that's Tungsten's way of telling you… to shut up." And he burst out cackling.

Rhodey made a noise of disgust – "I know where those paws have been!" – and physically moved the flerkin further down his chest, so that his face was out of range of all appendages. "This is your fault," he grumbled. "You're a terrible influence on an alien species. Especially when they're so young!"

"Platypus, that just sounds like you're arguing for you having them all," Tony pointed out, grinning. "I thought you didn't want him?"

"No, no, it's not that," Rhodey tried to protest. "It's just – you know damn well what the Air Force would do to something alien, Tones. And these guys don't really know that. Or care," he added, as Tungsten shifted himself around again, this time draping himself out over Rhodey's hands. "They'd have been better off with Fury."

Tony frowned. "You think so?" he asked, doubtfully. "Mr My Secrets Have Secrets? Spy Capitaine Extraordinaire? He still won't even talk to me about them. And I have questions!" He thrust his finger into the air, pointedly. "Lots and lots of questions! I'm parenting on a trial and error basis, here, and that is not a good way to do it."

Now it was Rhodey's turn to grin. "Tones, that's how all parents do it," he said.

"Yeah, yeah." Tony waved a hand, dismissively. "But I see your point about allowing alien critters on a US Air Force base, so I'll pop down and get him. See you in a bit!" He signalled for JARVIS to cut the feed and turned to face the other four kittens, who were all watching him curiously. "So!" he enthused, clapping his hands together. "Who wants to pretend to hitch a ride on Iron Man and go visit Rhodey with me?"

Four loud meows were his answer.