A belated Happy Thanksgiving, my fellow Americans.

And I took down the off-hiatus announcement. I'm pretty well recovered. Still need the occasional tylenol for pain and it still hurts to sneeze but not as bad. The surgery was not a success in that the problem couldn't be corrected with today's available treatments. Again in plumbing terms[in deference to those easily grossed out]I'll have to get used to living with an artificial bypass.

Back to business!

[a/n]I left a bunch of PMs on the shelf thinking I would eventually run down my own ideas. Hasn't happened. So for probably the next few months I'll work just them. This idea from Qoheleth. ThoughtI'd play with it. Hat puts them in Houses. Sorting not only based on ST canon, but EU books as well.

Harry Does Different CDXXXIVa

Sorting Star Trek

The bridge crew of the USS Enterprise was allowed, in honor of the successful conclusion of their historic 5 Year Mission, was permitted to visit the Guardian of Forever and record their personal lives. The price of this was listening to the lead researcher's admonishments "The Federation Science Council bans all but the most innocuous travels. We are almost exclusively limited to tricorder taping. Even recordings such as this are temporally risky. You are not authorized to touch the Guardian. You are not authorized to enter the Guardian while images a displayed in the orifice."

"Doctor, you might remember" First Officer Spock spoke with Vulcan dignity "it was our mission to this planet which led to those restrictions being implemented. This largely based on my scientific report."

"Guardian? May I and my crew see our pasts?" the newly minted Admiral Kirk spoke to the lightly glowing ring.

The entity spoke in its ancient booming voice "You have traveled with me in the past. You are welcome. Many travels are possible. Let me be your gateway." White smoke filled the center and images began forming and coalescing.

"Didn't exactly expect to start with my parents having sex." Was the only response he could think of. Things for Jim Kirk rarely go according to plan. And his thought was almost prophetic as a brief, but violent, wind whipped through the ruins. Supplies, and people were tossed about.

Scotty was thrown into McCoy and the two struggled for a mutual balance. They failed and the doctor landed on the engineer. Scotty lapsed into momentary unconsciousness, but after a few seconds, woke, lashed out with a fist throwing McCoy off him and ran, straight through the time portal. Commander Kyle and Lt. Commander Styles reacted instinctively and followed.

"This is exactly why you Starfleeters should not be trusted with scientific research." Complained the researcher "And big surprise, your ship isn't in orbit. Why use a fine instrument when a photon torpedo is better."

Kirk looked at her and snapped "Shut up." Then to the portal "Guardian? It appears we again run afoul of history. My crew here has the best chance to fix this mess. May we travel?"

Again the white mists clouded the entry and images followed "See your past. Let me be your gateway."

Ignoring the horrified researcher, Kirk led his entire senior bridge crew through the portal.

Abcij

"I do not think we have ever had a meal interrupted in so dramatic a fashion." The old man with a long beard confronted a mass arrival with outward calmness.

Hermione found in her bible "Says right here in Hogwarts a history it is impossible to apparate to, or from, any place on school grounds."

"Thank you Miss Granger." Said Dumbledore with a nod at the girl, though he evaded the point "However, these intruders arrived by a means having nothing to do with apparation. I must admit I cannot discern exactly how."

The one who, except for his height, somewhat resembled an elf remarked "Ordinary conversational English, Admiral, although with elements I am not familiar."

"That would be German and Scottish." Answered the old man "To wit I have spent considerable time. And where you currently are. Albus Dumbledore is my name. the staff and students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. May we know yours, sir?"

The elf-man stepped in front of the human protectively and spoke emotionlessly "Your pardon sir, but mental influence is an unacceptable means of communication. Doubly true if it is without knowledge. Kindly refrain."

"Thank you Mr. Spock." Said the leader "I am James Kirk, captain of the USS Enterprise. We have come here to retrieve three of our crew who probably arrived in a similar way."

Quite suddenly a translucent man on an equally translucent horse raced through the Great Hall bellowing "QUEST! A QUEST! FIND THE LOST ONES!"

"I don't think it is a threat, Admiral." Said Spock "I note none of the children are alarmed. This is apparently a routine event."

Dumbledore made a slight bow to the ghost and said "Sir Cadogan, if you would, notify all our resident specters and paintings to advise if anyone has come to the castle unexpectedly this evening. Captain Kirk, if you would like, it is mealtime, please join us. I am certain we can have a report of any of your friends present anywhere in the school in short order."

"Sort em Professor!" came the suggestion from among the younger Gryffindors.

After a moment stroking his beard, the Headmaster nodded "An excellent idea, young Harry. A custom of ours Captain Kirk, you sit and room with the group that is most similar in values to those you hold. During a pupil's education it is rather like a family."

"And how exactly is that done?" asked Spock. To those who knew him well, he was highly suspicious.

Kirk understood why immediately and offered "Strictly on a volunteer basis, in the interest of friendly relations here. But for our …and your… protection, my science officer must go first. Then I, before any of my crew."

"A simple procedure, Captain. There is not a person in this room who hasn't worn the Sorting Hat. No student in my long life has ever experienced difficulty." Dumbledore smiled pleasantly and disarmingly.

Spock approached the stage and gave a curt nod to the woman who approached. Politely enough he commanded "You will please explain this procedure to me, madam, and any possible effects."

"As Professor Dumbledore said, there will be NO effects of ANY kind. I simply place our Sorting Hat on your head. It does the rest, as it has for many thousands of students for ten centuries." There was a hint of offense in Professor McGonagall's tone.

Spock sat on the indicated stool and allowed the ragged looking hat to be so placed. He spoke to the presence in his mind [I do not object to looking, I object to sharing knowledge that this society is unprepared for]

[I quite agree Commander Spock. You will please assure all your shipmates that privacy was woven into my very threads. Remarkable almost 400 years in the future. Different worlds. Starships, the very word is awesome] "Better be RAVENCLAW!"

The Vulcan noted a bird now displayed on his breast opposite his Enterprise symbol. He stopped first to speak with the captain and doctor, then sat reservedly at the indicated table.

[I understand your privacy worries, Captain Kirk. That on top of your Prime Directive, I shall not repeat any of what I see until given permission by you …or the others… in your proper century]

Jim smiled inwardly [Not a horrible experience. Good thing I had some experience over the years with Spock. How did they make you?]

[HAHAHA] laughed the hat [In a word - -magic!] "There is only one House for a mind such as yours SLYTHERIN!"

Jim smiled pleasantly at his temporary housemates, then went to eating with gusto. He was hungry. But he answered as many questions as he could.

Minerva thought the ceremony for adults and, Muggles at that, was the silliest she'd ever been part of. But she recognized the value of a distraction. The scroll that suddenly appeared in her hand had names on it she began calling with "Chapel, Christine"

[One degree after another] "RAVENCLAW"

"Chekov, Pavel."

[Hmmm ambitious yesssss. But such a loyalty streak] "HUFFLEPUFF"

"DeSalle, Michael"

[Defend your captain with your life…hmmm] "HUFFLEPUFF"

"Garrovick, Stephen"

Barely needed to touch his head "HUFFLEPUFF"

"McCoy, Leonard"

[Even if you achieved your lifelong dream…better be] "SLYTHERIN"

"Rand, Janice"

Barely needed to touch her head "GRYFFINDOR"

"Scott, Montgomery"

Barely needed to touch his head "RAVENCLAW"

"Sulu, Hikaru"

[Ambitious, no doubt. But an unalloyed bravery] "GRYFFINDOR"

"Uhura, Nyota"

[Another with immense knowledge, but your purpose and goal] "SLYTHERIN"