Chapter summary: Jazz has a heart-to-heart talk with his brother, clarifying some things to him about himself.
Note: if you haven't read it yet, it'll bring up some mentioning of BOTP/1&2, not really important, just if you want to check those too, also I made a kind of summary in what order my additional chapters are, it might help a bit: tumblr/mymadmedleyw
Note2: there'll be a longer explanation as an end note, please read that too, thank you – of course, only if you want to
Jazz couldn't tell what was worse: that the more time had elapsed the more she was seeing or witnessing the view of his brother's alternate future self as he was pacing up and down in the so-called study room. She hated he looked as a trapped animal, enforced into some unescapable restriction, unable to leave and only measuring the existing space that was left for him.
"Stressed?" Jazz inquired instead before her heart could sunk into a knot-ish tightness, suffocated by the image of an unmistakable broken soul. But he didn't hear it.
Jazz took a step closer, just at the same time as he turned around, starting another circle, up and down, up and down, just to learn after a while how much steps it would take to reach each end of the room. He seemed not a bit lost in his mind, patting against his forehead absently the edge of the book. So then, only at the last second – before he could have bumped into her – he caught the sight of the person in front of him.
Jazz almost jumped out of her skin as he nearly dropped the book, along with an accusing, dumbfounded crying out as someone abruptly popped out from the air, getting unexpectedly into his mindless walking way.
"Dammit!" stamped a foot on the floor, pointedly by the surprise. "The heck, Jazz! Seriously!" it went on with a few other commenting, until he managed to calm down and there was a second longer time for her too within the quickened breathing and freaking out.
"Sorry." Jazz mumbled, understanding his reaction. "I didn't mean to scare you." she apologised, focusing on not paralleling this with the common expression that the unreasonable jumpiness meant bad consciousness, because she exactly was aware how much struggling he had with the reappeared memories, and what those could mean for him now. Avoiding the picture that unfortunately burned into her mind about his break down to the photograph back in the car, Jazz rather peered up to him as he was pressing the book against his head again, taking a deep breath.
"Why are you here, Jazz?" he asked, even too tired to take the question with opened eyes. "Shouldn't you make spaghetti or something?"
"What?" but then, she pieced together why he asked it. And yes, that was the reason too why she had to come after him. "No, I- I told Danny I'll check on you. And I don't think either they already reached the kitchen. Making any pasta would need at least fifteen minutes. I'm not letting you alone." Jazz stated for him.
An eyebrow raised up, along with a mocking snort, smirking to the note "How mindful from you. It shouldn't be the wisest either letting unwatched a malicious ghost, huh? Letting the monster, roaming around and causing nothing but trouble…" he portrayed with a fretted tone, waving in the air with the book, describing the situation, not even with the slightest hint of joking.
Jazz sighed, ignoring his awful self-labelling. She was too exhausted from this all act around him and handling his behavioural swaying from the past days, to even attempting to overlook his behaviour now. She was too drained out leaving it currently uncommented.
"You can stop it now, you know that right?" Jazz snapped at him. "Danny is not around, either Vlad. Me, barely counts what mask you are wearing, so stop this act."
He gazed at her weirdly, gaping, seemingly baffled by her unexpected retort and calculating what to say, but then he just lowered the book, exhaling. "It's not an act…"
"Yes, it is." Jazz debated. She really didn't have any intention (or more like patience) to begin the lecture how much it was, especially now, when she was way too weary to think straight to coming up with the reasonable points to prove him it. But, no, it was time to show him a mirror in fine. "You may not prefer being around Danny or Vlad or even me, reminding you to your past, to Danny's past, or what you did, or what you were." Jazz pressed the last word, enlightening the difference for him between 'are' and 'were'. Just as there was an evident difference between him now compared to his version from last week – though she could comprehend he was the same with that someone, only something had changed him, to be the current him that she was seeing. "It is an act. Not for them. For yourself." she poked on his chest, making an emphasis.
To the stunned look at his face, Jazz continued, but backed off from him a little, mainly by the weird glare on him to the sudden touching. She was not sure how much time she could get to express what was in her mind, or how long he was willing to let her thoughts hear. Just as Jazz was feeling too, soon, he would cut in with a somewhat disagreeing in her planned speech, so then, she rather used the time wisely she got while he was still processing the previous sentences or action.
"You think it is easier, acting like you don't care, acting like you didn't change, acting like a cold someone, acting like there wasn't something that changed you and acting like the one you were, because you think, it would be easier to be the same, wearing this mask than deal with after all those years now you are able to-"
A mocking chuckle ceased Jazz to finish it. "If you are on to say feel, I have to stop you right here." was a finger raised up, meaningfully, followed by a gentle tone like he would illustrate something to a small child. "Jazz… you are getting it I'm no human, right? I understand how much idealistic you might be with me, blindly seeing only your brother in me, but- I'm not him. Not Danny. Not for a long time. I'm not even- well, I'm scientifically not even someone's ghost, not even Danny's. So, in effect, I hardly believe I could count as a post-human consciousness, let alone his… I'm messed up, even for that classification. Danny told you, didn't he? I heard you. So, you must know what I am. Time to accept it. I see it must be hard, painful even, blowing up that dream world of yours, but- that's the truth."
Jazz closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, and trying her best to step over to this stubborn faith. For a long moment, she wasn't saying anything, just let her mind, think of something that could reason up with he wasn't willing and capable to accept. He was too deep into this built-up false image about him, because, perceiving the opposite, well…
She swallowed, already regretting she was on to achieve with him. "All right." Jazz decided then, it would be bad – very, very bad – but he had to know and as far as she was picking it up by his doings, over the greatly created illusion he kept himself in, the truth scarcely reached his perception. Jazz stepped closer to the older and alternate version of her brother, to the most dangerous ghost she ever met, and the one who technically was still a mystery in her mind – a riddle too whether to refer to him as Danny or Dan, as he preferred.
Then, after a few more smaller steps she was standing again in front of him, almost feeling the breaths he didn't even suppose to take. The figure in realisation widened his eyes, to the reappeared closeness, trying to take a step back, but Jazz was quicker, grabbing his hand, telling him to stay.
"What the hell are you doing?" he enquired, pulling away a bit, seeking the explanation, but the hold only got tightened for that movement. That hardly meant anything, but Jazz was aware he wouldn't phase out from the hold – partly because for what she suspected, that thanked the disguise and concentrating on to keep on his current outlook and behave human, he had a high tendency to forget about his ghost abilities. Just like, he was avoiding using his powers too, for some sort of later, more needed, and higher purpose.
He soon, realised too it was pointless at the moment, as Jazz was keeping her fingers around his wrist, capturing it with the greatest squeeze she could perform against his indestructibility.
"Jazz," he spoke again, only using his voice to make any effect on her. "What are you doing?"
Slowly, Jazz lifted her eyes at him, closing out the nearly desperately nervous and uncomfortable twitching of his trapped hand. She could say, it was almost like holding someone at the edge of a panic attack, the rushed flow of the blood under the skin, the slightly rising quivering, and-
For a second, the idea to simply let him go crossed her mind, just as the feeling of an anxious trembling under her fingers was unmistakable and she really didn't intend to hurt him, not mentally, that was the last thing she actually planned to do. But then, Jazz realised why she had to do this, she couldn't delay it any more, not after learning everything about him from Danny…
"You do have humanity," she told, starting somehow this hard issue. To the dead silence, she kept going. "I know it sounds stupid for you, but you do have it." there was a short stillness, perceiving it, but then he snorted funnily.
"Yeah, sure." he rolled his eyes, seemingly tired of straightening it out as if it would be the hundredth time saying it. "I don't have any human side."
Jazz let him a brief time, to cloud his mind in that false belief again, strengthening the lie over his inner self he was avoiding or not seeing at all. "Okay…" she agreed, at least in the latest part. "So then, explain to me, if you have no human side, human form, humanity or what you call it, it means you have no emotions about anything, right?" she raised her eyes to his, examining the reaction.
"Correct." he nodded, without any readable expression. "It means that, yes." even the hand in the hold stayed unmoved as a stone.
"Which also means, you are not feeling anything towards anything or anyone, right?" Jazz took the question, groping further how deep was he in that fake picture about himself. A faint flinch under the squeeze told more than he could deny. This was her chance too. "Because having feelings is human, and you have no such thing as a human side. No guilt, no remorse, no 'I wish I wouldn't have done that', none. Nothing about hurting someone who for some inexplicable reason is important for you." she dropped the bomb.
To that, unaware though, but a bit pulling noted it made the impact, just as – if he hadn't been a ghost, and unable to such 'human' reaction – it could be told, she could feel the quickened heartbeat under her squeezed hold, along with a sort-of raised up body heat. Jazz frowned at the latest sensation, she could tell, she earlier had noticed that, but- it was almost like he would have got some sort of fever. Ghosts, just as Danny described the mystery of the lower body heat, were cold or supposed to be, but- Did it just confirm her theory? It might have happened. Or she was just scratching the surface of what being a ghost or part-ghost could mean…
Surely, it could be told, she got distracted for a second by the odd sensation, and to use this opportunity, he ripped out himself from the capturing – hardly that could count as he was truly cornered, but for him, it felt real. Jazz assumed, mainly because it was unexpected for him, abrupt, uncalculated and when it was about some disturbing things, his mind created an inescapable trap that she – a simple, weak human – could hold him like that.
"What do you want exactly, Jazz, hm?" he took the question, massaging his earlier squeezed wrist like it could have gone numb. "I apologised. You know I can't do more. I can't rewrite time. Maybe Danny could ask for it. Me, couldn't. There is nothing else I can do about it." his words had a sour tone.
"But you'd like to, if you can, wouldn't you?" Jazz pointed, seeing the untold part.
There was a short silence, dead, deafening, and painful, just as the clenched-in fists that were just strengthening the truth for Jazz: repressing. It was whether not willing to face it, or not able to see it at all. Her suspicion was about the latest, too hard to comprehend with a clear mind. After a minute, he looked up staring off from the floor, almost with the commonest mascarade he could momentarily perform.
"Danny told you, right? To come here, come after me and.." the pursued lips made an impact, that however, he assumed that was it, but in a way, he hoped it wasn't.
"No." Jazz shook her head, already feeling like a wreck over what she was trying to lead him into. She so hated doing this, but once, he had to see, he had to understand and now, after getting everything about him, it was time to fold out the rest too. "He might think I came after you, to keep an eye on you, but in truth, I just came here to check on you, if you are okay or not. I know you didn't come here to read, you escaped from him, from Vlad."
To that, she received an unpleasant grunt as that would be ridiculous assuming something like that. "So then, instead of Danny's hope, you came to pick on me. How great. I'm truly touched." he stepped away then, folding his arms, and taking some steps, but then stopped, gazing ahead, like he would have been marking the bookshelves, finding those more interesting than taking part in this conversation. "Leave me alone, Jazz."
"I just want to help." Jazz clarified, as he was observing the same row for the fifth time, seemingly unable to leave behind a thought in his mind, or just patiently waiting for her disappearing. "I am the only one who is willing to help you, aren't I? I'll bet, you'd take even fewer minutes with Vlad, than with Danny. Still, you came here. And you need both of them, don't you?"
And that was it. He needed both, albeit he had stated he could be capable to accomplish his planned deed without Danny – maybe he could indeed, but Jazz didn't want him to give up an essential element to reach his aim he was fighting for, bearing in the meantime this all: them, the past, and even... everything else with that too. He already must have suffered too much to see him grasping for creating a plan B that could work without Danny's participating. She couldn't let that happen, no, not under her watch.
"It's complicated." he let out, but not giving out any further information about what it must have meant. He maybe wasn't ready yet to talk about those things, and- yes, maybe he never would be, but remembering the paper within the pages of the psychology book… He used the object as a camouflage, hiding the main reason why he didn't let it out of his hand since. At least, Jazz got relieved that though not for her, but for himself the haunting thoughts were given out, easing on his shattered soul.
"I know you are not entirely Danny, not partially either." Jazz emphasized, telling him that she was aware of the background of his existence, starting by that to explore the sensitive issue from another angle. "And I get it you are partly another ghost too, whatever it means for you."
He slightly turned towards her, only a little spilling he was paying attention to her – or at least, curious what she was on to tell with it. Jazz continued the deduction. And even, since she learned from Danny the truth about him, it just underpinned her idea. First, she had just thought, the noxious person from last week grew a heart, understanding the aftermath of his actions, and turning to them for help, for something that was above his previous selfish behaviour… but now, after perceiving everything, it turned out more complex than that. He had had no soul, no humanity back then and that being at the moment was standing in front of him, hiding behind the old image than dare to cope with the truth. He was keeping everything behind, to not let the lead out of his hands about why he was doing this all, not even realising meanwhile the whole about him or his existence slowly started to collapse.
And yes, Jazz could identify that struggling, even before, catching everything about him, because she had seen his eyes. When he had been standing in the door, asking her to let him in and… and back in the car, when he had fought to change his red eyes back to the kept-on copied blue…
"I know, you think I'm crazy, and that I might stick on you, being my brother-" a mouth got opened, but then he didn't correct her. "Have you ever taken the question why I let you in on Thursday?"
"'Cause you didn't know who I was, and what I did." he replied, "You just thought I was on to cheat instead of Danny, and I trapped him in my time to achieve that easier. You knew nothing about me to think straight. You didn't know the rest, because the rest, for you, didn't happen. And Danny was afraid to turn into me and was afraid you'd be afraid of him, losing her sister if he had talked about me. I get it. And well, I threatened you to let me in, so to be fair, I didn't leave you any other choice. That was on me." he uncovered.
"Might be." Jazz agreed, with a shrug, but clarified the memory. "Last week… I felt you were more dangerous than I got it about you. Yes, back then, you might have been titled as you said." a bit lips were saying it brought up something to him, hardening his expression, but this time, Jazz let it uncommented. Just as it was obvious it was about understanding what wasting his family to their end meant. All along, during the past ten years, he had been stuck in a conception he just currently could see through, that in truth, he had been wrong the entire time. It was still much to put together in his head, and Jazz knew he needed nothing but time for that on his own. So then, she instead forced herself to step over the reminder and murmured a blessing in her mind, at least she hadn't voiced out straight 'monster' along with the recall. That would have been cruel after his breaking out over that.
"On Thursday… I knew you were lying to go after Danny." an eyebrow got raised up, but still a way he was trapped at the previous part. "You asked about why I was home, remember? But you had no higher purpose with that, it wasn't for anything. You came up with a sort-of reasonable question if I was sick, being at home alone, but in fact, you just suddenly didn't know how to handle I was home instead of Danny." Jazz unravelled it "You were just blindly coming to the past, to get Danny's help and you didn't calculate if there would be anyone else too. You were too desperate to think about other scenarios, above going straight after what you want. I confused you."
For a second there was just silence, Jazz was aware she was right, and reading by his face, however, couldn't see it plainly until this moment, now, he got an explanation for his behaviour. "I let you in, because whatever you said, I was listening to your eyes, not what you were telling to me. And even if that's Danny's eyes or your original one, I can see through it. On Thursday, I saw hopelessness and desperation, what if you can't get what you want. Recent. It was fresh, and you were – still are – helpless to know what to do with it. So then, you are suppressing it, with your bitterness, and rudeness, because you think it would go away, but in real-"
"It just became worse," he whispered ahead, as faintly, Jazz was barely sure she heard it right or if that happened at all and in real, she just hallucinated that vaguely though, but he was giving out in fine something that was in him under the greatly build-up untouchable skin.
"Something happened, right? Between you got out from the Thermos, and you came here, that snapped you out of-"
"Being a monster?" he asked, helping her out with the proper titling. Jazz uncertain about the confirmation, but then nodded. "Ghosts can't change, Jazz." he described with the hollowest and most lost tone, she had ever heard from him. "I might not be a natural ghost, but either I can't change. So, if you say… that's not true." he squeezed on his upper arm by the told sentences.
"Okay, then. So, it means, you never cared and never will care about anything. And it's just simple seasonal fancy holding on to your current outlook, right? Or even, refusing to keep your ghostly eyes." Jazz argued, taking out the card about how much he struggled back then in the car, to change the appeared red vision to slip back to the 'stolen' bright gaze. She didn't want to recall yet the breaking out shortly after that. Because that was much, even for her, bring that up to him would count as driving a stake through him again. Causing that much hurt to him once more… not that this current issue would turn out less harmful, but-
"So, you say," Jazz kept on instead, eluding from the tight spot in her mind too, hiding the troublesome question if she indeed had managed to break him back then or not. She really hoped she didn't, though, unfortunately, she had a feeling she did – even if he had tried to convince her about the opposite, just as that denying for her was giving a hand too about his buried humanity.
"So, you say," Jazz started again, presenting the least imaginable scenario. "you just simply got bored of your ghostly outlook, to keep your human disguise on now. But there is nothing more behind it. Nothing connected to Vlad or your reappeared humanity. And Danny is right, you came here for exactly what he said. And all you said before was just to buy us to come here."
He stayed in silence, completely, not even attempting to come up with an excuse of explanation, running up and down his nail on his upper arm meanwhile. It surely must have been uncomfortable for him, trying to keep the sort-of balanced state, the safe one, without anything hard – but that was also nothing else but a made-up layer. Jazz knew, even if earlier he had shown a vulnerable, broken part of him, hiding from them invisibly while Danny had been sharing everything, and then in the car… but- once he had a time alone, only in his mind, the all kept-on camouflage came back, because it was easier.
Maybe previously, Jazz thought he couldn't be seen through, but with the truth now, it revealed the whole mystery about him making it almost completely clear and translucent. She was able to see him completely. Especially witnessing the awkward dance within him and the one whom he had wanted to come to all along. It was- heart-breaking. Taking on a mask of coldness, grumpiness, just as he had behaved during the first day at home, unable to tell what kind of attitude could trigger an easier scenario for him – not easier for he aimed to achieve, no, easier for him.
He might not have any remorse about anything before, Jazz got that too. But in the car, that was the moment of truth, to everything to come to the surface from the past ten years. And it was much. It only proved that she had already suspected from before (before learning about his lack-of humanity state), that he had changed, that something had happened, and that had made him start to experience something he thought he didn't have. And it-
Jazz wasn't sure it was kept behind because it was that hard, or that coping with that he was capable of such a thing could mean something impossible, and he didn't want to take that question in real what it could mean. It wasn't the latest, it was the first. And it wasn't about them, because that was recent, it was about him: Vlad. The rest, was wrong, indeed, but not as strong as something else. And unfortunately, she suspected what his plan was too, only putting together by the slightest notes he had given out accidentally, and that was just- Jazz knew that too, she was only scratching the surface, but even by the small pieces she could pick up on from the whole picture, that was just- much.
No wonder he was so troubled. He was still unsure about it and feared to do something utterly else from his previous detrimental deeds, something for someone else, doubting he, who was causing so much harm during the entire time could be able to do else now. Those queries didn't let him either to let others blaming themselves. Just as, he had defended Jazz when she had thought she might have broken him, and either- he didn't blame Danny for anything… or at least as far as she was aware. He even had stayed in the background when he had been unveiled, even staying quiet till he could when he had been lashed out at. Because- because he had exactly known everything about wrong about him was grounded, making him feel the guilt he was trying to handle somehow…
By his previous mentioning, he had hurt the man. Not this version, but his version. And it might have been a murderous attempt – just as Danny had presumed without any doubt, coming after Vlad as soon as he had got out of the thermos, to pay for that her little brother had been helped out to be able to come back to the past – but, at the same time he hoped it hadn't caused actual death, telling her the man was still alive.
Jazz let out a sigh, giving up trying to see through this all. Maybe it wasn't the best time either coming up with such things to him. He had already many things in his mind. And yeah, she already suspected he had a very legitimate reason escaping to the study room, instead of staying in the same place with his younger self or technically, not the same, but in a way, with the same person – for him even worse, with an alteration of the man – he had hurt. Without even taking the question Jazz knew, although he would have liked to come here, actually, he couldn't expect how it would feel.
"I know why are you here, why you had to come here and what you want to do" Jazz spoke then, after a very long time. The downcast gaze slowly got risen up from the floor, unable to form the question, but Jazz heard it even though that wasn't there. "I know. Maybe not the whole, or how you'd like to fulfil it, but I put the pieces together. It's regret, that's why you are doing this." she named for him. "Remorse. You can't change what you did, but you can turn it less- harmful. That's what you wanted to say with doing something good once, right? Not causing trouble anymore, because-"
"Stop it. Seriously, Jazz, stop it, please." the ghost begged, barely louder than a whisper, squeezing harder on his upper arm, digging the fingers into it, that if he was a human, Jazz was sure that would leave a mark.
"That was what started this whole, right? That made you start feeling things." she followed with her eyes as he walked away, trying to go as far as he could from her words, renewing the maniacal pacing up and down that felt more as a way of comfort, attempting to calm himself down. "Even if Danny assumes, but you didn't admit you killed him, and you said-"
"He is alive." he stopped suddenly, saying it out severely. "And no, I didn't kill him. But that doesn't mean I didn't curse him to his doom…"
"You hurt him" Jazz translated the hidden part, to that he raised up his eyes, clenching his jaw, swallowing before he answered.
"No. I didn't. Not even a scratch." he crossed eyebrows, breathing hard before he continued "I wanted to. I don't know what happened why I- why I didn't… if I-" he squeezed his eyes shut, taking a short break "I'd have won then, instead- damn, he got into my head with his damn words." he groaned, holding his forehead. "He always had the talent to manipulate people. He got into- into my soul I don't even have! Doing that even unintentionally!" he exclaimed, stepping away of a sudden. Jazz didn't have to guess, to see he was furious about something, just as he tried to walk the tense off again, but seeing it wouldn't work, he paused, letting out the greatest groan and trying his best to keep at bay his emotions.
Jazz wanted to help him somehow, but at first, she didn't know how, and, well, she wasn't even aware what was hurting him. It wasn't his Vlad's words, that according to him, affected him, no, it was else. It wasn't annoyance either over something that made an impact on his indestructibility. It wasn't either making him vulnerable. It was-
Jazz glimpsed to the ghost, catching as he crossed his arms over his chest, running up and down his fingers on his chest, like there would be some uncomfortability. She had seen that movement earlier, before they had hit the road, after he had zapped himself with the belt and- now, she saw it wasn't a side-effect of the electroshock, that was entirely else.
"Do ghosts have a heart?" she asked, pointing towards the movement, even before she could have any second thought about say it aloud or not.
To the question, he startled pulled away his hand, like he would have been caught of doing something wrong. "What?"
"This." Jazz tilted her head towards him. "I saw you doing this before. Is your heart burning? Is it possible for ghosts to aching such things? I mean…" she trailed off as he stared at his hand, gazing blankly at that. By the confused, puzzled look on his face, Jazz put together. "You- you haven't realised it. That's- that's unconscious. You don't even know why are you doing this or what it is, do you?"
For a long second, he remained quiet, disappearing into some never seen or realised disturbing thought, with knitted eyebrows. Jazz opened her mouth to voice her conception, just as she started to assume something about him – even relevant to his current movement, that just proved her theory – but she instead just kept those ideas to herself. Being here, already meant trouble for him, she didn't want to make it even worse for him. And indeed, if she was right, then- (and yes, Jazz even got, he didn't realise that either, or was conscious of it) getting the rest must be… unsettling for him.
"It's not important." he closed the issue then, folding his arms over his chest tight, shaking it off as it would have been nothing else just an annoying tic. She wanted to debate that no, it was important, but right now, she didn't like to reveal her theory for him – maybe later. Maybe once, when everything would be over, and it wouldn't be another painful thing to holding him back to reach his final aim.
For a moment, as it passed, Jazz marked him, spotting as her question made his mind busy, but he didn't admit it – or maybe, he just tried to step over to it, not adding to his already tired mind another problem to worry about. She guessed, it was rather about the latest one, occupying his mind completely with the only thing that mattered, closing out everything else around him, seeing only the final destination to accomplish.
"Danny…" Jazz called him, attempting to grab him out of the mindless spiralling, and spacing out, but no reaction came. "Dan." she tried again, this time, with the altered nickname he preferred, hoping at least that would make the effect.
"What it is?" he snapped at her fretfully. Jazz felt it was only the tiredness speaking now.
"I'll talk with Danny."
"Okay…" he breathed out, not really giving any attention to her.
"I mean…" Jazz started, clearing it up. "I'll talk with Danny to help you." to that, he snapped his eyes at her, not even blinking for a second, if he heard that right. "I'm serious. You deserve a second chance." Jazz emphasized. "Even if I am not approving how you want to do it."
He bit his lips, for a long time, staying motionless, but then it seemed the sentences reached him, just as the previous ones that she had a feeling about what he attained to do. "You don't have any word," he said simply then. "I will do it no matter what."
"I know." Jazz acknowledged. "That's why I'll ask Danny to assist you. I don't think I could be very useful in a ghost-related thing, but he can. You can't ask for his help, but I can. At least this is what I can do to help you."
"Jazz…" he started, but couldn't finish it, instead just- tightened the hold on the book with his fingers, what he was for some unimaginable reason still keeping in his hand. Jazz felt unmistakably he would have liked to ask her not doing anything for him, that he didn't deserve, that she should have known – learning by Danny's tale – how much he didn't deserve this, but- there were just too many things to say aloud, and he didn't know either where to start. Or even, doubting it would worth a shot saying anything in his defence...
After a minute-long dead silence, he just put down the book slowly to the nearby smaller desk, staring off at it for a second, visibly hesitating over something, but then stepped away, and he took a step too, then another one, then- then before Jazz could recognise at the very next moment he was standing as close to her, she could almost feel his breathing again. She scarily looked up to him. Being in front of him by an accident was else, but right now, intentionally, she almost had to swallow at his sight, realising in fact, how much threatening he was even in his current form, much taller, bigger and stronger than-
"I won't hurt you, don't worry." he made it clear in an instant, whispering the words, undoubtedly reading by her slightly paled face. "I just- just… just stay still for a moment, okay?" he asked, letting her a second to process the ask. "Please don't freak out much, I don't want to hurt you," he added then, and before Jazz just took the question what exactly he planned to do, two big arms wrapped around her, making her for a second completely breathless and shocked. "Told you, not to freak out much," he repeated. "I won't hurt you, I just-" he tightened the bit the hold, still keeping a sort of distance, and with less strength as it needed, but less awkwardly as it was before.
"You-" Jazz started, but a shy movement on her back made her thoughts unfinished, creating it in fine as an almost natural embracing.
"Just- shut up," he asked. "This doesn't mean anything," he mumbled, resting his forehead then against her shoulder, bent not a little to manage to do that. No, it really didn't mean anything, not at all. It didn't prove he was seeking some sort of comfort, a basic point, a supportive person, or just someone who believed in his good intentions. It didn't mean either it was all alien to him, he was needing it nevertheless. It didn't tell he changed, considering someone or something else too beyond him. It didn't mean he was lost in clinging to a second chance…
"Everything will be fine." Jazz moved her arms too to his back now, returning the tender embrace. She wasn't sure, the kindness stiffened him or the sudden touch, or that-
"Not those words please." he clenched suddenly his fists, burying more his head "I hate those words…" he explained, holding tighter on the only comfort he had against some unpleasant memory that it brought up.
"Okay… not those words ever." Jazz memorized, getting a grateful nod.
For a long second, nothing happened, neither of them moved. Jazz almost wished to stay like that as long as he needed it, disappearing into something stable while everything else was just a mess, knowing if once it stopped, the questions, the fear, the haunting thoughts, the reality would come back. For a minute, Jazz almost forgot too who he was, what he was, just as the hug was warm, almost making a slowly calming resonance from his chest, like as a disturbed heart would slowly calm down, feeding on the only source of support he had… but partly, she felt they couldn't stay like that forever and yes, on the other hand, the comfortable body around her unexpectedly tensed up, followed by a running chill on his skin, making him rigid and petrified.
"Is it Danny?" Jazz took the question by the familiar reaction, the tightened desperate squeezing around her told that was it. "Don't care with him." Jazz suggested, unaffected by her brother's presence. For a moment, he stayed alert, but then, after an almost eternity-like second later, he heaved a relieved sigh. "Did he go away?" a slight nod approved it. "See, I told you, not to worry about him."
"I hate the brat." he cursed. Jazz didn't want to correct him that he didn't and that was the problem. He just hated that Danny didn't see him as he liked the boy to see him, and not equalling him with the one he was a week ago, and just- just seeing him as Dan, no evil intention, no plotting, just- just someone asking for help, trying to start a new page…
"Dan…" Jazz started, but then a direct-like coughing interrupted her, followed by a frustrated grunting from her shoulder, as he then, without any word, at a slow pace started to draw away from her.
Jazz was on to turn back, to catch the reason, but instead, she just kept her eyes on him as he was trying to avoid with his eyes a certain spot, running his nails on his upper arm again uncomfortably. She didn't have to wonder much to know who was it now.
"Dinner is ready." was it told then, waiting for until they somehow collected themselves, only giving out the information after that. Jazz took a last look at the ghost – who was owning much humanity it could be imaginable – and with her eyes she was trying to give out as much support as she could, preparing him somehow mentally what dinner would mean then for him. Then nodded towards him encouragingly, to make a move.
Note: I know it may sound a bit hasty, Jazz seeing through his plans, but at first, she doesn't see the whole, just parts of it, and second, later I'll explain how she connected the dots (yes, when she'll talk with Danny…). It'll happen a bit later, but there'll be a whole description for that, and it would be better when she explains it to Danny, pieces by pieces, believe me.
Side note: Originally, it was aimed to be a 'bits', but then I realised it would turn out longer than I wanted, besides it contains some information, that could be useful for the mainline, so just I couldn't take it to the side-line. On the other hand, I had to restructure my planned next one a bit, so until then while I am working on that, I put Jazz's conversation here – also, I think it was needed here for the further understanding of the coming ones too. Also, it'll be connected to the next one, seeing the same from two sides – just as chp5&6 were, if you remember – so a little background for the meeting point was needed too, I guess at least.
Slight little clarification about being a 'post-human consciousness' 'cause I know it could be confusing… when I was in primary school, there was a saying for students to learn easier the difference on biology – I think I managed to translate it reasonably – "all beetles are insects but not all insects are beetles", I think it might help to understand the difference between part-ghosts/hybrids/halfas. The first two are collective classifications. The first from the lowest ecto-contamination (see Doctor's Disorder) to the highest one could mean anything. The second is more specifical, means having not just mild or temporary ghost abilities, while the third means existing halfway to being human and ghost, alive and dead. Being a literal ghost means, if someone dies at a young age, the ghost would look young as they died – in that case, it could count as being a once-lived's post-human consciousness. But! In case of a hybrid, the ghost-part is not their ghost, it is changing, growing, evolving along with the human side. When a hybrid person dies that would be their ghost, until then the ghost-part is a part of them. In case a halfa, just as parallel-y existing on both sides, the two means their 'living', so then they couldn't ever be 'fully' human, the two parts belong together, significant for their wholly existence.
Of course, that brings up the question of how it goes with the Ghost Catcher then. Well, I count it as that is different from the Ghost Gauntlets. The first one creates copies based on each part, and separating some thinking, also abilities, sorting into two versions – just consider Danny's second case with it, when both versions had a sort-of human antics and ghost powers too. While the Gauntlets literally could separate the aforementioned parts. There is one problem with that, in case of half-ghosts, that shouldn't happen at all – just as I mentioned, the two parts mean a whole. I think I answered some questions that might appear with this issue. I don't know how much it turned out clearer now…
For an easier summary, a halfa could be called as a hybrid, and a part-ghost too, but a hybrid is not necessarily a halfa, and not every part-ghost (ecto-contaminated) would be a hybrid or a halfa. Also, I count as in Amity Park, everyone has a tiny little bit of ecto-contamination, who are living near to a portal a little bit more, but that doesn't mean straight they have ghost abilities, they are just mildly contaminated in a certain level. If, someone would live decades near to a portal, and I don't know, touching raw ectoplasm for several decades, that could modify a bit the one's DNA, that might turn out being a part-ghost with some sort-of abilities. (But that was just a random example for further understanding.) Also, what messes up the things that these differences are not necessarily known for everyone, or what or who counts under which titling. It'll be explained later too… (but not as much as here, so that's why it was necessary now, just as it needed a bit of clearing what means being a 'natural ghost', and why Dan isn't one, sorry about the rambling…)