Today was the first day back after fall and it was my job to get the kids up and out the house, seeing as Bugs was called into WB for a Very Urgent Meeting alongside Daffy.
"Dere never urgent!" Bugs complained as he stuck his arm into a jacket. "Dere jus' about facts and figures an' stuff!"
I rolled my eyes. "How wong have you been wowking for W.B. now? Facts and figuwes are what they wive for, as you weww now, so stop compwaining and get going. Awso you know you'we putting on my jacket, wight?"
Bugs paused - one arm still trying to fight it's way into my sleeve - and promptly turned his head into that off a sheep.
Once I'd regained my own jacket and reassured Bugs he looked perfectly presentable for a Very Urgent Meeting, I went downstairs to see that the kids were actually in there school uniform [they're getting the idea now.] and eating breakfast.
"Hiya Daddy-Waddy!" Elmyra beamed while waving enthusiastically at me.
Buster and Babs were rather less enthusiastic, but did smile and nod at me.
I started the day, as I always did, by asking them how they had slept and then asking them what they were most looking forward to about today.
"Art Class" Buster said, grinning.
"Imitating Dizzy at lunch!" Babs said, before proceeding to do an impression of Dizzy Devil eating lunch right there and then. As cereal flew around the room, I grabbed her and told her to calm down while sitting her back in her chair.
"Being with my friends!" Elmyra beamed.
Buster and Babs both rolled there eyes, but didn't actually contest her.
Once Bugs had been in to say goodbye and kiss all the kids and me goodbye, Porky had been to pick the kids up and I had waved them off, I was left in the house.
It always takes me a minute to just adjust to how quiet it is when the kids have gone. It's really weird to think about because up till July this was my normal, but now everything's changed.
Anyway, my day, as usual, was spent studying before I had to pack everything away again just in time for the kids to come bounding in the door.
"Look!" Babs waved something covered in glitter at me. "It's a dog." She added, seeing my clearly confused face. I peered at it and tried to work out what was dog-like about it. Constructive criticism is apparently the way to go, so after about ten seconds of examining it, I went: "The shape needs a little more work. But the ears seem good."
Babs beamed and snatched it back off me. "Don't snatch." I told her, distractedly, while Elmyra pulled on my arm and Buster helped himself to a glass of carrot juice. [Which is rank.]
The pulling on my arm, the noise the kids were making and the fact that I felt I hadn't managed to do everything I should've today led to me yelling at them to SHUT UP!
They looked at me, clearly hurt, so I did that thing Scratchy's been going on about when I count to ten and try NOT to strangle the kids.
Once I was certain I could open my mouth without a 'beep' escaping, I asked them to sit down so we could talk about there day. [An idea I picked up from Porky and Petunia.]
I also pointed out that while Buster was at the fridge he could pour his sisters a drink while he was there and actually, if he could also make me a cup of tea that would be great. He managed to get Babs a glass of carrot juice and Elmyra a glass of milk, then he handed me a cup filled with the letter 'T'.
I almost drank it as well, until I realised what it was and promptly sent him back to make me a proper tea this time.
When we were all sitting down I took a breath and started by asking Buster how his day way. The kids take turns going first and it was Busters turn today. They have up to ten minutes to speak, then it's the next toons turn.
Buster told me about how Max had lost it today and screamed at Snow White when she wouldn't let him have ALL the toys in the soft play section. She - being well used to dealing with angry small annoying children - patiently requested he pick ONE toy to play with, then swap with another child when he was bored.
Max screamed it was all or nothing. So he ended up with nothing. One of these days he'll learn.
Anyway. I had to stop him when he got to 10 minutes, at which he whined that he hadn't even told me about Calamity and Little Beaper's epic ACME battle today, but I insisted that he'd had his ten minutes and moved onto Babs.
Babs gave me an highly-animated, acted-out run through of her day with amusing impressions of both Snow White and the other students. I'm not sure if I'm technically meant to be encouraging Babs to essentially poke fun at her teachers, but I'm sure if Snow White has any issues she'll explain it calmly and rationally to her. And if any off the other kids have issues with it, they'll just anvil her. Sounds harsh, but it's true.
Anyway, we didn't even get to Elmyra because just at a really good bit Babs suddenly stopped and looked at me.
I blinked and was like. "And then what happened?"
Talk about lighting a fuse! The second I said that Buster whined that it wasn't fair because he had to stick to ten minutes, so why did Babs get more? And Babs said it was obviously because she was better at telling a story than Buster was and then Buster got annoyed, pulled a water gun out his hammerspace and aimed it at her.
I yelled at them to stop it, Buster jumped and soaked Elmyra who shrieked so loudly the house shook before throwing the rest of her milk at him.
I called time out and sent all three of them to there rooms to think about there behaviour for half an hour.
So yeah. Going well.
Three hours later after I'd helped the kids with there homework and they were in there rooms 'playing' [read, trying to kill each other.] I was so tired I curled up on my bed for what was meant to be a five-minute nap, but clearly took a while because the next thing I knew Bugs was waking me up. Bugs was due back at 8 o clock, so I must have been asleep for at least an hour.
"You alright?" Bugs asked, seeing the bags under my eyes. "Ya look tired."
To which I hissed I was fine, which wasn't true as I had somehow managed to develop a blinding headache.
Bugs then kindly brought me another cup of tea [the actual liquid type this time] which made me feel bad because he's the one who's just had a 12-hour day, but he assured me it was fine and we cuddled for a bit.
Just then there was a worrying BANG! from Busters room. Cue me and Bugs legging it there to see the room was black and Elmyra was standing slightly dazed while holding a bouquet of flowers with a stick of dynamite in it.
"We were just practicing!" Babs reportedly said, while I hauled Elmyra off for a bath in order to get the ash off her.
"You don't dynamite inside the house!" Bugs said [not for the first time] "We've only got so much insurance!"
"How else are we meant to practice then?" Babs whined.
"Sorry? What was dat? Oi don't speak whine."
Brilliant. Why can't I do that?