31/10/1992
Aaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh! Halloween is here! HOW is Halloween here again!?
Thankfully, I thought as I tried to zip Elmyra into her outfit, it's a Saturday, so Bugs doesn't have to go into Warner Bros and is around to actually HELP me.
"ELMER!" My 'beloved' yelled from downstairs. "Do ya know where Babs's costume is?"
Why do I have to answer a pop quiz every time I try to do something!?
"With Buster's!" I called back.
"Right. An' where's dat?"
For Crying Out Loud! "Awe you sewious!?" I shrieked, while Elmyra did a Junior and helpfully clasped her hands to her ears while complaining I was deafening her.
"Never mind!" Bugs said, cheerfully. "I got 'em!"
Congratulations, I'm so glad you have the ability to use your eyes, was what I THOUGHT to myself but definitely didn't say.
Anyway. To be fair to him, Bugs wasn't entirely useless as he did managed to get Buster and Babs into there outfits [they'd woke up feeling about 3/4 and were finding getting dressed difficult]
Elmyra was still [thankfully] 6, but she finds getting dressed difficult at the best of times, let alone when she knows her brother and sister are 'being babies, so why can't I be?' [BECAUSE YOU'RE SIX NOT 3!]
Now I know why our [the LT's] collective fathers always seemed one step away from having a breakdown.
Anyway, once we'd got the kids sorted and told them to try and keep the outfits clean at LEAST until we got to the party, myself and Bugs had to get ourselves ready. It was Bugs's turn to pick the outfits this year and he decided we should go as Thelma and Louise, I.E. from then movie, Thelma and Louise.
"I'll be Louise an' you'll be Thelma." He explained excitedly. "Or we other way round, if ya want? Doesn't really matter to me, oi get to dress up as a women either way."
I went as Thelma. But, as usual, there was another Bugs Bunny twist. We would be Thelma and Louise...AFTER they drove off the cliff. We did the makeup, messed the clothes and wigs up so they looked suitably 'driven of a cliff' and then went into then living room with our arms out in front of us making 'zombie-noises'
The bunnies loved it. Elmyra did not. Once we'd calmed her down and explained (yet again) the concept of make up, we were nearly late. "We could have gone earlier if you two were ready earlier." Babs said loftily. [Cue Bugs: 'Watch it, Babs.'] True, we had slept most of the day, but it's a Saturday! They were invented for lazing!
Anyway. The kids were buzzing by the time we got to Toontown Town Hall (try saying that 6 times fast) and instantly rattled the door trying to get out the car.
"Hold it!" I yelled. "We need to go thwough some gwound wules."
"Why?" Buster joked. "The ground seems pretty good to me."
Bugs glared and Buster shrank back in his seat.
I won't go through all the rules here, cos they're terribly boring, but basically the kids had to A) stick together at all times or with another Tiny Toon, B) not go outside the 4 walls or the roof of the Hall. C) Tell one of us [The adults] if they were going to the bathroom just so at least one of us knew where they were. and D) HAVE FUN!
"And try not to eat all the food." I added, as an afterthought. "It's not polite."
"Dizzy does!" Babs muttered.
To which I uttered the age-old parenting sentence that I SWORE I wouldn't say if I was lucky enough to have my own kids: "If Dizzy Devil jumped off a cliff, would you to?"
Babs shrugged. "Depends how high the cliff is-"
"Hey!" Bugs said. "Any more back-chat and we'll turn de car around. Is dat what you want?"
Obviously that offer was declined (though it would have been better for me as parties are NOT my forte) and we made it into the hall where we were greeted by Wile.E, who was armed with a clipboard. He went to tick our names off the list but then realised he hadn't got a pen and called for Road Runner AKA 'RR' to give him one.
I'll give you two guesses as to what happened next.
Once the pen had blown up in his face [For a 'super-genius', I do worry about Wile.E's common sense levels sometimes.] he looked defeated and just waved us in.
"Well, dat was a good start." Bugs whispered to me.
I laughed, which earned me some strange looks. while the kids ran over to the other Tiny's.
"Do ya want a drink?" I asked Bugs who flapped his hands at me.
"You sid down! Oi'll get cha one."
So I sat down, thinking how nice it was I had such an sweet husband who would bring me things out of the goodness of his heart, when Petunia came running up to me waving a meat cleaver in the air while shouting. "Elmer! What do you think you're doing!? You SAID you'd help with food! C'mon, Dizzy's eaten the first table already so we need to get moving!"
I was up and in the kitchen before I had time to really process what was going on. I just remember thinking 'How can something so small eat so MUCH!?" Just to repeat, Dizzy had eaten an Entire. Table. Of. Food.
"Elmer!"
"I'm wowking, I'm wowking!" I snapped as I frantically shoved pies into the oven.
We finally got the second lot of food on the table and it was just getting to the stage when everything started calming down and I felt I could breath again, when the door opened and three small, furry creatures bounded into the hall making whooping noises while Doctor Scratchensniff billowed purposely after them with a: "Alright kidzies! Calm down and zay hello to everyone!"
"Hello!" The Warner's chorused before promptly splitting off in three different directions.
As mean as it sounds I was quite glad to see Petunia looking just a horrified as I felt. I mean, the thing about the Warner's is that they're younger than our lot [Being 3] Now. Imagine how hyper Human three-year olds can be and then multiply that by 1000 and you have JUST ABOUT scratched the surface of just how insane the Warners can be.
I was about to tune the 'sibs', as they call themselves, out and focus on stuffing YET MORE PIES into the oven when I heard a delighted. "Puppies! Oh, goody, goody!"
I poked my head through the hatch to see if I needed to run out and rescue anyone, but thankfully Bugs was on it and had heroically thrown himself between Elmyra and the Warners [which was good, cos I could SEE Yakko getting ready to anvil her] and was now explaining to her WHY she could not hug [read: squish and annoy] the small fluffy creatures that may or may not be puppies. [No one's really sure what they are. I personally think they're monkeys.] Elmyra was disappointed, but reacted with maturity. [Read: Threw herself on the floor and started screaming that she JUST wanted to hug the 'little-fluffy-wuffy's NOW.] So Bugs picked her up and took her outside to calm down.
"Huh." I turned to see Sam [Yosemite] looking pleased. "At least it's not just ma Maxie tha' does that."
The next couple of hours passed in a frenzy of cake and pop as I frequently dashed out to re-stock the food table because the kids seemingly couldn't keep away from it for more than thirty seconds at a time. Then [finally!] the 'buffet' came to an end and I was allowed, at long last, to collapse into the nearest chair.
Bugs came over armed with a drink of pop. "Eh...fancy dis? It's only slightly warm."
We spent a little while more talking then were interrupted by Little Beeper who came running over with an invitation before beeping at us and shooting away again.
The invitation was for a performance that was starting 'soon'. No time, just 'soon'.
"W-w-what do you r-r-reckon they got p-pl-pl - arranged for us?" Porky asked.
Bugs shrugged.
Well. What they had planned for us was a show. A mash-up of monster-themed songs performed by the kids. [Our lot that is. The Animaniacs were watching, as apparently our lot hadn't even considered the Warners may have wanted to be part of the performance, but the main thing is that the Warners seemed to enjoy it.] It was really good actually, those Music lessons and stuff they're attending are clearly working. Also, I was pleased to see that Babs and Buster must be getting more comfortable in there new roles as non-protagonists [now Tiny Toons is pretty much over] and had let several of the other kids have the spotlight, including, at one point, Elmyra.
The mixed up a couple of songs, but the main two I remember are 'The Monster Mash' [With Buster as the deadpan singer] and 'Thriller', which was brilliant cos they did the bit when he's like 'Darkness comes along the night' or something like that, and it was Montana Max who did the voice over. Picture the scene Max - dressed [rather appropriately] as a devil - on top of a cut-out cardboard moon being dangled from the ceiling while beneath him the kids pretended to be 'dead'.
Then afterwards the disco officially started and ALL the kids had a nice time dancing. As did the adults, to be fair. Bugs pulled me up onto the dance floor as soon as he heard 'Everybody Dance Now!'. I was only going to get up there for one song, but somehow another hour passed without me realising it.
It was a shame to go, but we [the adults] had agreed that when the kids started to get 'silly' we would go home and considering by that point Fifi was chasing Yakko round the hall demanding he be her boyfriend; Babs, Shirley and Dot were standing in a corner giggling ominously [When I told pointed this out to Bugs he said, "How can ya giggle ominously, Elmer? To which I imitated it and he said. "I see your point."] and Plucky was attempting to pick a fight with Sylvester over who was going to be the DJ [As Sylvester is twice his height, this was obviously never going to work.] we decided it was best to make a move.
On the way back myself and Bugs dropped Elmyra back at her parents [this would be her designed parents, obviously, we're her legal parents.] and Mrs Duff invited us in for 'A Spot Of Coffee.]
Bugs first instinct was to refuse and try running back to the car, but I grabbed him by the neck and calmly and rationally [I.E. hissed in his ear] pointed out to him that we've managed to avoid going inside the last two times and we'd better go in this time or they'll think we're avoiding them.
"But we are avoiding 'em." Bugs hissed back.
I rolled my eyes. "Just get in thewe!" And I pushed him in the door.
...I've just remembered this thing is going to Doctor Scratchensniff. Look, it's not that I DISLIKE Elmyra's designed family, they're just chaotic. And her parents never keep an eye on their kids. I mean, I know it's how they were designed but still. Her dad is always in his lab building stuff, her mom's main focus is the baby [who I'm fairly certain can take care of himself if his super-strength is anything to go by], her sister is always on the phone whenever we're around and her brother spends most of his time either climbing up walls or attempting to prove he can fly by throwing himself of off the roof.
They. Are. Mental. And to be honest, I'm not completely happy about Elmyra going to live with them every weekend, but as you [Doctor Scratchy] pointed out, Elmyra needs to interact with her designed parents as well as us, and I get that. It's fine.
I wish I knew what to say to them though. When I was there I just fell back on school stuff and her mom just nodded along in a manner that suggested she wasn't actually listening to anything I was saying.
Babs and Buster were happy though. They played with Duncan and took turns being 'super-hero's'. In a surprising twist they were so happy they complained when it was time to go home again. [Normally they're in the car before I've said the words 'We're leaving.']
"It's not fair." Buster whined, not for the first time, as I strapped him in. "How come Elmyra gets a designed family? What's she done to deserve that?"
"She doesn't have to DO anything." I explained, again. "She was just...designed with a family. Same as you're designed with blue fur." I added, cheerfully.
Buster looked at me suspiciously. "But it's not is it? It's NOT FAIR. SHE gets a WHOLE family while me and Babs get NOTHING-!"
"Hey!" Bugs said, sharply. "Watch what you're sayin'! Fer one thing, you've got me an' Elmer, we're ya parents. An' you've got each oither. You've also got about a million friends, which must count for somethin'. And you've also got a whole bunch of adults that'd help you out in a heartbeat if ya needed it. Family is not just who you're designed with, Buster, it's about who you choose."
And I suppose I should have chipped in with something equally as nice and meaningful as what Bugs said, but I was so moved I burst into tears. Cue the bunnies getting the umbrellas out.