04/11/1992

Family Game Night tonight! The one day of the week when we all sit down and play a few games together like a normal family. [in theory. What usually ends up happening is the kids argue while me and Bugs referee WW3.] Of course we first have to wait for Bugs to ACTUALLY get in the door, then have his dinner before we can start.

Bugs frequently asks why we can't wait to have dinner until he gets in, to which I calmly explain [through gritted teeth] that as the kids finish school at 3:30 and the earliest Bugs tends to get back is about 7-8 and has been known to get back even later, so I don't think it's fair for the kids to have to wait until 'Pops comes home' in order to eat.

To give him credit on F.G.N Bugs does make an effort to come home 'early' and tonight managed to get in at around half 7, which [for him] was good.

"Oi'm baaaaaacccckkkk!" Bugs called in a sing-song manner as he literally kicked the door down.

"Do you have to make such an entrance?" I asked, in what was meant to be exasperated affection, but I think came across more as 'exasperated' than 'affectionate'

Bugs shrugged grandly and said. "Eh...oi'm an actoir. It comes with da territory. Is dere any dinner left or am oi makin' somethin' from scratch?"

There was lasagne ready for him to have, seeing as I managed to stop Buster from eating the last bit [But it so good! I know, and it's not for you, so paws off!] While Bugs was serving himself he asked how my day had gone.

To which all I said was 'fine' in what I hoped was a positive voice. because it was easier than saying 'well, when I finally got back after somehow sleepwalking to Antarctica last night, I was greeted by chaos as you WELL know because the minute you saw me you yelled 'Oh thank Jones, Fuddsey, ya here!' shoved the kids at me and legged it out the door because you were late for YET ANOTHER MEETING!. Then I spent the rest of the day attempting to study while also cleaning the house and cooking dinner [yet again] for the kids.' So yeah, fine was as far as I was willing to go.

There was quite a lengthy pause, then Bugs waved his fork at me and said, half-teasingly, half-seriously. "Ya see, Elmer, dis is da part when YOU ask how MY day's gone."

I asked him.

"Fine!" Bugs said but with a lot more enthusiasm than I had. He then started to explain something amusing that had happened during one of his meetings when the kids came running in and literally jumped on him.

"Pops!" Buster flung his arms round him. "I've missed you SO much!"

Bugs gave a laugh and hugged him back, while I silently seethed in the background because not ONCE in the 3 months that I've formally adopted him has Buster EVER said he's missed me, or even that he loves me. Which I know takes time and all that, but when you see frequent displays off affection to your other half that you yourself don't get it grates ENOURMOUSLY.

"Have you decided what we're doing for Family Game Night?" I asked, somewhat more abruptly than I'd intended.

"Yes." Buster said, jumping off Bugs's lap. "Behold!" And with that he transformed himself into a caveman, looked down at himself, gave an exasperated sigh and tried again. One fireman, one astronaut and one Fisherman later, he was a magician.

"And may I present!" He said, clearly going for the 'carrying on smoothly and pretending nothing happened' tactic. "The Fantastic Babs!"

Babs swooped in dramatically from the left, waving at us in a manner that suggested she thought she was royalty.

The show itself was quite simple, Buster has clearly been practicing some simple tricks such as 'making a coin disappear behind someone's ear' making a coin disappear under a cup. Switching two coins around, that kind of thing. Just when me and Bugs were beginning to think he must be near the end of the book the lights suddenly dipped and Buster, assuming a deep dramatic voice, bellowed. "AND NOW, FOR MY FINAL TRICK I SHALL CUT A LADY IN HALF!" And waved at Babs who was in the cutting-a-lady-in-half box.

I would like to say myself and Bugs reacted calmly to this casual attempt at murder but we did not. The words 'What the hell do you think you're doing, you idiot!" May have been uttered at QUITE a high pitch.

"They do it on the telly!" Buster protested, while I tried to work out how to get Babs out that stupid box.

"Oi don't care. You are NOT cutting ya sister in half!"

Buster said okay, then looked thoughtfully over at Elmyra.

"Don't even think about it, Buster!" She snapped.

Buster sulked and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like. "Paul Daniels never had to put up with this."

"Can I try again!?" He demanded, once we'd established Babs was fine.

"In a few yeaws, yes." I said. "When you can weiwd a chainsaw without sending shivews down my spine!"

Not content with that Buster pressed me for how long that was going to be. After a brief calculation I told him about another 12 years, so he'd be 18. [Some may say 16, but I feel that's to young. And knowing Buster he'll chop his head off or something.]

"That's Not Fair!" Buster shrieked.

For Avery's Sake. You would THINK we're doing something unreasonable. We're stopping him 'playing' with a chainsaw. I do wonder how the teens are going to be, if THAT'S the reaction we get at 6.