Warning: Swearing.
24/10/2020
Well, I never thought the day would come. Gladstone was actually useful!
Okay, that's kinda harsh. He was useful with the whole 'moon invasion' thing, I'll give him that, but I'm assuming he had something to do with what happened tonight tonight. Because tonight was the night April Fragmuffin put her plan into action! [I'm gonna start it like that, cos I like a dramatic start and why not?]
I hadn't managed to get rid of April, by the way. I puppy-eyed Scrooge. I puppy-eyed Donald. I threatened to move out. That backfired massively. [Scrooge - "sounds good! About time you got your own place!"] After that I shut up and just settled on glaring at Fragmuffin like she was the scum of the earth or something. Oddly, she just carried on doing her job, which in hindsight was weird. Surely if you knew you were going to become the next, like, 'honorary niece' or something you'd start thinking a little bit like 'Which room is mine?' 'What can I have in the will?' [providing Scrooge ever dies.] But she didn't.
And then, yesterday, me, Donald and Beakley took the kids out for dinner. I would like to say we were nice and asked Scrooge along, but we didn't because me and Beakley weren't speaking to him and Donald was GOING to until I demanded 'Who's side are you on!?' and he backed off. In hindsight I acted like a major, major jerk, but, in my defence, I've never claimed to be perfect.
So out we went, leaving Scrooge in the capable hands of Duckworth and Fragmuffin - which does sound like an estate agent or a double-act now I'm writing it down - but, yeah, out we went.
We got about...halfway through the meal when who walked in? Ma Beagle of all people! Well. I say 'walked in' she slammed the door open, glared daggers at the poor waitress who dared start to tell her off, before barrelling towards us at the speed of light.
"What the fuck-!?" Was as far as Donald got before Ma Beagle slammed her fist on our table and snapped.
"I don't know what your stupid butler-come-maid is playing at, but she's not involving MY BOYS in any of her idiotic plots! Now, I DEMAND that you go back home and sort her out yourself because otherwise, I SHALL NOT be responsible for my actions!"
We all stood there, slightly dumbfounded, but thankfully Beakley - with the usual British practicality - stood up and started yelling at us to get moving [Which in hindsight, must have been quite alarming for the other restaurant-goers, but never mind.]
By the time we'd piled in the car and got back to the manor - Donald driving furiously through the streets, periodically winding the window down to shout insults at slower drivers - it seems that whatever operation Fragmuffin was running was well underway. What's more I could see why Ma Beagle was so upset. ALL of her sons - biological or otherwise - were robbing Scrooge's mansion. Honestly - I shit you not - standing there in a chain, passing stuff out the top window. You've got to give them credit for innovation however, one of them had stuck a ladder [which they must have brought with them] up the mansion windows and was using it to rob the top level. Several of them had let themselves into the back of the house and were robbing it that way. Honestly, you couldn't move for robbers.
"She's done something to them!" Ma Beagle screeched. "They're all glassy eyed and dumb-looking!"
"And that's different form usual...how?" Beakley asked politely, before smiling when Ma Beagle scowled at her.
"Listen here, you hooligan, I know my boys aren't saints [understatement of the century!] but they don't deserve to have...whatever she's doing to them, done to them!"
While the two of them decked it out behind us, me and Don had already run up to the house - having left the kids in the car - and were trying to stop them. Donald leapt at the nearest one - a MASSIVE guy - and started hitting him on the head while yelling at him. I went for a slightly smaller guy - who was clutching the TV - and went to punch him. Then I saw the look in his eyes. I can't believe I'm writing this sentence, but Ma Beagle was RIGHT. His eyes were all empty and like he was looking right through me. I pulled myself together and yanked the TV off of him. I mis-judged how heavy it was though and it fell on the ground - breaking the screen, but thankfully not my foot - and the Beagle didn't even blink! Just reached past me for one of Scrooge's pictures.
"The hell's wrong with them!" Donald yelled, still trying to get the big Beagle to take ANY notice off him whatsoever.
"They're in a trance!" I called back. "I've seen this before! It was when-!" Then the memory hit me. PBJ. After I was kidnapped by Bradley Bloody Buzzard and PBJ came to FREE me, she put Webby into a trance. I can still remember the look in Webby's eyes, and it wasn't great. But for PBJ to have hypnotised them that meant she had to be somewhere around here.
I don't mind admitting the thought terrified me and I screamed at Donald to go and check on the boys. I didn't have time to actually explain everything to him, but Donald must have cottoned on that something serious was up cos he legged it to the boys while I followed the chain of B.B's, with the theory that at the end I would find PBJ.
I found - wait for it - April Fragmuffin. She'd let her hair loose and the glasses were gone. She also stood in a more up-right manner, looking completely at home bossing around about 40 blokes.
"April!" I said, in disbelief. "What are you DOING!?"
She rolled her eyes and said - in a much more higher-pitched voice. "Oh, for gods sake Della. Have you not figured it out by now?"
"...P.B.J."
"Oh!" PBJ threw her arms in the air and chuckled. "She remembers! How sweet. I do like to make an impression-"
"-By stealing my Uncle's stuff?" I said, as a priceless vase Scrooge fought a dragon for in Asia was casually chucked over our heads.
"-I prefer the term 'borrowing indefinitely'." PBJ said. "And anyway. It's all your family can do after ruining my paintings scheme." She added, suddenly bitter. "Do you REALISE how many people I had to hypnotise to get out of that little jam? More than you can get your head around for sure. And anyway-" She said, suddenly. sly. "The fact that despite the fact I am quite LITERALLY robbing your family blind and your reaction is to stand here talking to me, says quite a bit doesn't it? Maybe the famous 'Della Duck' isn't QUITE as fearsome as she'd like people to believe?"
"Oh yeah." I said. "About that." And punched her in the face.
The force of the punch must have done something to her powers because suddenly all the beagle boys collapsed - cue Ma Beagle screaming and running over to a few off them, hitting them round the face to see if they were still alive [they were.]
Just then I heard a: "Er...Della?" And saw Gladstone looking at me like I was nuts. He lowered his shades slightly and said: "...I thought I'd pop by?"
Anyway. I need to go now. We found out what happened to Scrooge, by the way. PBJ's done something to him, cos he's upstairs asleep on his bed. I don't think she's hypnotised him because otherwise he'd have woken up like all the others, so we've brought her into the house to see if she can give us an explanation when she wakes up. Gladstone has also come in as well. We're hoping his freakish good luck will cancel out PBJ's freakishly mind-controlling powers. No idea if it'll work, but when that's ever stopped us before?