![]() Author has written 11 stories for Code Lyoko, Teen Titans, Now You See Me, Yu Yu Hakusho, Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, Harry Potter, Naruto, and Fairy Tail. I'm the original Saffire55 if any of you are wondering but the account was acting weird and my old email was spazzing so I just started over. I checked my profile recently and it is a total mess. So here is how I'm organizing it. 1. Random/Funny Stuff 2. Stories (Includes Coming Soon Stories, if story is up for adoption, etc.) 1 If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes. Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls… and poles… and other stuff… Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. 'At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal. People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual. FEAR ME! "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods.. On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (You mean to tell me we're NOT supposed to put knives into our kids?) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (That gives us very limited options...) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.) On Bath Salts Directions: put in water. (NO WAYYY!) On Brownie Mix Directions: preheat oven, mix brownie mix eggs, water and oil, bake, eat. (you... you can EAT brownies?!) This is Bob. (o.o) We're all gonna die, but I got a helmet. When life gives you lemons, keep them. 'Cause, hey, free lemons. I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly. Video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two more. Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Common sense is not so common. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. If you are a serial killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME. If you are a cereal killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY FRUIT LOOPS. Whose cruel idea was it for "lisp" to have an 's' in it? "Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you'd want to watch out for!" If I throw a stick, will you go away? Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run; he hates that. If life gives you lemons, first make lemonade, drink it, then make apple juice, and wonder what just happened? Yeah, I hear voices in my head, they're called my thoughts. If you don't hear them, that's not my problem! Funny stuff that happened to me! Me: (texting) :P i am bored in class...save me from the boredem twin! Me: lol...go on... Me: lol-u made me hungry and laugh in the middle of science and get looks... Me: I did do that...and they kept staring... Me: i did... . im bored 2 death-save me twin Me: u ate the apple! Me: lol-ahahahahhahahahha Me: ik-and i laughed in the middle of class again and yelled at them saying, "stop looking at me! my twin is making horrible but funny food jokes!" they just kept staring... -.- T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! In Spanish= Me: OO...sparkley! Kenize: STOP LOOKING AT THE CAN OF GLITTER! Me: *grabs glitter and dumps in in hair* Arianna: Vanessa...that is for our spanish project...not your hair. Me: I know that! And I haven't even started! Aroosa: Vanessa! That's due tomorrow! Me: I know that too...to my song! I'M A GONNA FAIL! I'M A GONNA FAIL! I'M A GONNA FAIL! My friends: *stare at me* T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *staring at penny* Daniel: What are you doing Vanessa? Me: Staring at the lost penny... Daniel: Its a penny...just pick it up! Me: Buts its not mine! I won't steal a shiny penny! Daniel: And yet you steal the fire extinguisher... (DON'T JUDGE ME! It was shiny...and right there!) Me: WE NEED TO FIND THE OWNER! Someone random: *steps on penny making it dirty* Me: *picks it up and puts it in pocket* Daniel: *staring at me* Me: What? Its not shiny anymore...LET'S GO! *starts dragging him to gym for the school dance* T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Daniel: *randomly* (texting) wow...when i was texting u my pants fell down Me: O.O i told you 2 wear a belt! Daniel: im not wearing pants, i'm wearing my bathing suit Me: ahhh! bad mental picture! *covers eyes* Daniel: shut up... T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *doing homework and eating bread* Oreo: (my cat) *jumps up, grabs a slice of bread and drags it under bed to eat* Me: *staring after my cat* Mom... T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *staring at the basketball game board* Aroosa: Vanessa...what are you doing? Me: Trying to use my powers to change the score! Aroosa: Did you have sugar before your game again? Me: Maybe... T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *at end of band concert* Mr. Johnson! Mr. Johnson! Mr. J: Yes Vanessa? Me: Hi. Mr. J: *glares and walks away* T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: (typing) Hey Dana, if I go to juvenile will you visit me? Dana: Well if you are near New York then yes. Me: *switches to different IM chat* Hey Nikki, if I got to juvenile will you visit me? Nikki: WHAT DID YOU DO?! *at bottom* Yes I would. Me: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING YET! *at bottom* YAYAYAYAYAYAY! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *smiling big and jumping up and down* This is gonna be a good day! Arianna: Vanessa...we have 5 test today. Me: *stops jumping and smiling* Crap. You ruined my joy. I'm going to go mope now. *walks away hunched over ready to fail tests* (I actually got all A's and I didn't study...) T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *staring at drawing pad with pencil in Spanish* (What? There was nothing good in that class...) I can't draw! *starts sketching again* Aroosa: And yet you're drawing... Me: *sticks out tongue* Don't mock thy! Teacher: Vanessa! Pay attention and be quiet! Me: *crosses arms and pouts* Friends: *laughing at me* (Aren't they supportive?) T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: (texting) TWIN! I got a new nickname! Me: FG. Me: Fire Girl. Since you are BG, Blue Girl, I'm Fire Girl. Me: Well...I was making food and then the paper caught on fire and I thought it was cool so I grabbed a pot and started burning lots of paper and putting it in the pot so that nothing caught on fire... T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: (texting) I have a new torture device. Ashley: (texting) really what is it? 5 Minutes later* Me: *calls twin in a car* Ashley: Hello ? Blasts Justin Bieber music in twin's ear* Ashley: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! *hangs up* Me: *cracking up* T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *calls my friend Andrew* SPWECIAL FWIEND! :D Andrew: AH! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE! *hangs up* Me: *mutters* When do I ever listen to people? T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *is muttering to self* Kassandra: Something is wrong with her again... Me: *screams at top of lungs* IT IS A WEDNESDAY AND I MUST CARRY ON THE TRADITION OF SPAZZING OUT! *spazzing out at park and people are staring* Don't you have lives?! People: O.O Kassandra: I DON'T KNOW HER! *runs away* T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Cor: Go take the pudding to Narnia! Me: Psh, there is no Narnia in my closet. Cor: Yet there is a talking Fishie, talking birds that fly over your head, a unicorn named Bob, and pudding. Me: Mhm... Cor: Wow... (And this is why I don't get sick...I become delusional. :3) T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *going up stairs as carefully as can* People: *watching amused* Me: *makes it to the last step and steps over it but trips* SO CLOSE! Connor: Do you always trip UP the stairs or just do it on purpose? Me: Shut up... T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *asks random person* What will take over the world? Person: Sharpies and duct tape, duh! Me: Dude...you are awesome! *high fives* T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *throws popcorn at Justin* Justin: *throws popcorn back* Me and Justin: *has popcorn war at movie theaters* Lauren: STOP IT! *in between us covered in popcorn* Me and Justin: Sorry Lauren... *watch movie* Me: *throws Hot Tamala down Justin's shirt* Justin: *looks down shirt then back at me* *mouths* IT'S ON! Me and Justin: *having secret popcorn war* Lauren: -.- T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: Gwen...you know I love you right? Gwen: What did you do now? Me: For once nothing. Gwen: Good...its good it isn't like that other time when you said nothing and you turned out to set your lunch on fire. (I LIKE FIRE OK?!) Me Psh! I left my matches at home this time. *skips away* Gwen: I'm kinda scared now. T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: Tyler, you are a failure at fences. Tyler: SH! DON'T LET THE SMURFS KNOW! Me: THAT'S MY SAYING! I WILL LET THE SMURFS KNOW! *marches away* People: *staring at us* T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Judy:(My sister-in-law) *snorts in laughter* Me: Judy, your attractiveness is showing! Everyone: laughing hysterically* T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Mom:*tells dad, cat might have liver failure* Dad: But she doesn't even drink! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! waiting for friend to come join me to go to band room* *goes to my AP class where I know my friend is now in* Me: *opens door and pokes head in before the bell rings* MARCO! About half the people that are in there: POLO! Me: Yeah! Got half the class! Okay, bye. *leaves* T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Judy (sister-in-law): *muttering something that sounds likes 'Thank you Dr. Jiggles'* Me: Thank you Dr. Jiggles? Judy: Dr. Jiggles? I said Jesus Christ. Me: Well now he is Dr. Jiggles! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Farah: But crocs are great! Me: But someone I hate wears them! Farah: Are they the real crocs or the rip offs? Me: Real ones. Farah: ...then the rip off ones are great! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! Me: *sips water* Me: *starts laughing* Me: *starts choking on water* Me: *laughs harder because I'm choking on water* Emily and Farah: *start laughing* Me: *laughs harder* Me: *can finally breathe* You assholes... T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! *Me, Farah, Emily, and Dorian watching the new Godzilla movie in theaters* *guy falls down* Farah: Godzilla died for you sins! So get off your ass and do your damn job! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S! L-E-T-S G-O! *My parents and I driving some place* *sees a car cut off multiple other cars on the freeway Me: Ah yes, you sir are the special kind of asshole. I'm F.I.N.E Forever doomed Insecure Negative Emotional...yup absolutely F.I.N.E. An apple a day keeps everyone away, as long as you throw them hard enough The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on (V) (O.o) Copy the bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination, and come join the dark side. (We have milk and cookies.) B.O.O.M.M.! Bored Out Of My Mind 15 Things to do in Walmart 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!" 2 Stories in Order of Importance: 1. It's Only High School Right? 2. A new story 3. Mi Vida Sin Tu Armor (Slight Hiatus) 4. Picture Oneshots 5. Back In The Past! (Going to be completely redone) Harry Potter: Coming Soon Kuroko No Basket: Coming Soon Teen Titans: Coming Soon November 26, 2013 Finally organized my profile. Anyway, I have been swamped with basically everything lately. But I'm going back into writing very soon here. For It's Only High School Right?, we are getting to the plot very soon, I'm almost done introducing characters and then we have all the comedy and adventure and I have things already planned out. I also have about 5 new stories in my head that I might put up soon but since I have so many, I might just write the first chapter and make a Fanfic of all the first chapters and you guys vote on which one I should get started on first. But I'm still debating on it. Anyway, sorry for the long wait guys! If you have any questions or concerns, just PM me. August 10, 2014 (Freaking 1:30AM) ...So...I'm alive...I BLAME SCHOOL! I honestly have had at least 60% of It's Only High School Right?, done but I had to finish it and edit. That will be up soon, hopefully. Anyway, I really apologize for everything. Just...let's just say I hate my school right now because I have to retake my AP test because apparently they lost it. So I got a ton of work to do and I'm working on getting a job. I really apologize and hopefully I'm able to get back soon enough. Until then, enjoy my profile. November 27, 2016 Damn, I haven't even updated my profile in forever. As you may have noticed, I posted a new one shot and no I haven't forgotten my other stories. I do want to update them but real life has gotten in the way more ways than one. I will be trying to update and/or edit soon but Finals are coming up and I'm swamped in work and just personal problems need to be taken care of first. Thank you all for your patience. | |||||||
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