Going...home?
Dawn of their second day at the base arrived. Sasuke awoke before Hinata and slipped outside. He was standing near the remnants of the night's fire, gently stirring it up and feeding in what litle wood remained. He heard the door open and looked to see her join him, wrapped in her blanket.
"Good morning," she said. "How are you feeling?"
"Good morning, Hinata," he replied. "Better I suppose." He turned to look at her and said simply, "Thank you for yesterday."
They stood together in silence for a little bit before she asked him if he wanted tea. When he said yes she began heating the water for both of them.
"You should go back inside, it's cold," Hinata told him.
She didn't know how to ask him if there was anything else he wanted to do here. Obviously he had accomplished his main task of obliterating the old location. But was there more he wanted to explore or revisit? Or was he ready to go...home.
Thinking of the keep as 'home' startled her. It brought up conflicting emotions, especially after their conversation last night. She missed Konoha and her friends terribly, Kiba, Shino, Hanabi, all of them. She wondered how Shikamaru was recovering, wondered how Sakura was doing with her own pregnancy. And yet, even though she had had every opportunity to leave yesterday, to return to them ... she hadn't. She couldn't. Describing her feelings of 'belonging' with Kiba to him last night made her realize she felt something similar for Sasuke himself now.
Slightly unnerved by her self-reflection, she went inside to share the tea. While they were enjoying it he stated, "We should go back today."
"Today? Do you feel well enough to travel?"
"I feel fine," he reassured her.
Hinata frowned slightly. "Let me check," feeling his forehead again. "No fever but...let me set the pace."
It was his turn to frown and sigh, "Fine, " he agreed.
"Is there anything else you want to...do here?" she finally ventured to ask him as directly as she could.
Sasuke honestly did not have any desire to stay longer. He had known destroying this place would be cathartic and it was. He was excising that part of his past. That had been his goal. That and to send a message to Karin. As soon as Hinata had brought it to his attention weeks ago he had known she was right - this would have been the spot that Karin would return. He wanted to make sure she understood there was nothing to return to. He shook his head in answer to Hinata's question. "No. Let's pack and go home."
Hinata looked at him with curiosity, noticing he had used the same word she was thinking earlier. Had he even known he said it? She gathered both canteens intending to refill them at the stream.
"Wait, I'll go with you," he said, seeing what her intent was. She started to tell him he didn't need to bother but decided against it. It was a short trip down and she could confirm for herself if she felt he was truly able to travel. They wandered down the frosty path that she had used the previous two days.
"Do you want me to cook anything for breakfast before we leave or are cold rations okay?" she asked.
"Why? Do you want to kill something else this morning?" he teased lightly, just-Sasuke again. With relief she realized how much she had missed this, missed him. After his fury and rage and then illness these the last few days it was wonderful to have just-Sasuke to herself again.
"You make it sound like I enjoy it or something," Hinata huffed, teasing him back herself.
"Well, don't you?"
"I...I...appreciate it. I am...grateful...thankful to have the skill. That's all." Then she sniffed, "Besides, we'll never catch anything with all the noise you're making!"
"Are you disparaging my ninja skills?" he asked in mock seriousness to make her laugh and he succeeded. Light and clear the sound buoyed his spirits.
"Well, if you're going to continue tromping along like this, then yes."
The two of them chatted pleasantly down to the stream and back, Somewhere along the frosty little path with their breath coalescing in misty curls as they talked Hinata realized what it was she was feeling. It was more than enjoying having just-Sasuke back, she loved having just-Sasuke back. With a shocking recognition she admitted to herself, she loved...just... Sasuke.
It felt like the bottom had just fallen out of her world.
Hinata must have paled for the moment because Sasuke noticed it. Concern in his voice he asked, "Hinata, are you ill? You aren't coming down with it are you?"
His voice startled her. "N-n-no. I'm fine, it was j-j-just a passing ch-chill," she lied clumsily. Her thoughts were an incoherent whirl. She cared for him, certainly, but she didn't love Sasuke. Did she? She couldn't be in love with him. Could she? She tried vainly to rationalize it. It must be hormonal - the pregnancy was causing it. Or else she was succumbing to Suna Syndrome where kidnapping victims began to identify and side with their captors.
Sasuke studied her carefully, not sure he believed her. She still seemed pale. He disliked the idea of her becoming sick because of him. When he had awoken the previous morning to find her still there, still with him...when she could have left... he had been profoundly grateful. But it was more than that.
He remembered hearing her talking to him while he was feverish. He remembered her voice and touch, both soft. He halfway remembered reaching out in the night once to touch her own shoulder as if to confirm for himself she was still there, knowing that she would be but still needing tangible reassurance. It was unsettling, to say the least, to admit to himself that he needed...her.
He had never needed anyone. More importantly he didn't want to need anyone. Except...now...for some reason...Hinata.
Fate continued to play tricks on him, it would seem. Sasuke knew he had a wound in his psyche that could never be fully healed. But looking back over the last few weeks he saw how Hinata helped sooth it. She took his thoughts... outside himself, beyond just his blind need for revenge.
He needed her and he wanted her to stay. But more importantly he found that he wanted her to want to stay - with him.
In the midst of the Amaterasu he had thought he heard her calling him to come back...to her. But that couldn't be right. It was probably just his feverish imagination at the time. He had only heard what he wanted to hear.
They were both rather subdued compared to the beginning of their morning outing as they returned to the building and began gathering their things to pack for their return... home.
True to his word, Sasuke allowed Hinata to set the pace and it was a more moderate one. She kept a watchful eye on him throughout the day and even though they did not take more frequent stops, she made him rest for a little longer each break. They stopped for the evening at about the halfway point. It would require another full day of traveling for them to reach their destination.
While they were building a fire and setting up their small camp he noticed she continued to look pale and distracted. "Hinata, are you certain you are not coming down with something?"
"I-I'm fine," she said but her weak response only made him more concerned.
"Let me check," he said and then to her surprise he took one of her hands in his own and placed his other hand at her forehead just as she had done multiple times to him these recent days. Hinata jerked her hand back.
"You feel too warm," he was slightly concerned.
"I-I've just been too near the fire. I'm fine, really, I am," she tried to reassure both Sasuke and herself and failing on both accounts.
Sasuke was particularly unconvinced. He had felt how her hand was shaking. He was also hurt by how she had seemed to flinch away from him. He hadn't meant to startle her.
Dinner was very quiet that evening.
Hinata's thoughts were racing and she tried to calm them. This must just be due to the pregnancy hormones. She was servant, nothing more. It was what she had agreed to in the contract, never expecting it to be realized in person. And then she had recommitted to it to free Shikamaru
Servant and student, though. Wasn't that part of it, too? Wasn't that part of the agreement she had made with herself when he trained her? When he had seemed so...adrift...at the end of the day he taught her the masking jutsu she had promised herself that she would be whatever he needed her to be.
He needed her as a servant, a student and most recently a nurse. She took a deep breath, recommitting to those roles only. Nothing more. He did not need some lovelorn kunoichi after him. He already had that in Karin.
A few days ago Sasuke had mentioned Neji. She wondered what Neji would have to say about this situation. Would he tell her it was her destiny to be unrequited in love? She smiled inwardly as she thought that he probably would, and most dramatically, too.
Sasuke studied her in the firelight. Hinata seemed to be finally relaxing. Perhaps she was not ill but just overtired from these last few days. He caught the ghost of a smile playing about her lips. "You're smiling. Are you feeling better?"
"Oh," she answered out of her reverie, "oh, um...yes, I was just thinking about someone."
"Someone? Would you tell me who...?"
"Just...Neji," she gave a little laugh.
"Why Neji?" Sasuke found that he was relieved that she hadn't said Kiba or Shikamaru. He had seen how she was around Shikamaru when he was here, he had heard the longing in her voice when she talked about Kiba last night. And he found he was a little... jealous of the affection she obviously had for the two of them.
"You said it yourself a few days ago," she answered. "Perhaps this is our destiny."
"A clear night and a campfire? It could be worse," he said in a light tone.
"Yes," she acknowledged with a nod and a small smile as she turned to look up at him, "it could be worse."
There was a long pause before he added "It's not so bad, though, is it Hinata?" His voice was very soft as he held her gaze with his own. It seemed as if he were asking her for some sort of reassurance.
"N-no, it's not so bad at all," she agreed but it was hard for her to get the words out because her heart was in her throat. She found she was lost in his eyes.
Sasuke finally broke the gaze, Hinata knew she never could have. He turned to look back at the fire while Hinata cast her gaze to the ground.
Finally he spoke again, "We umm...we should get some rest. I'll take the first watch."
"Are you sure? I don't mind. You're still recovering."
"No. You're exhausted. You should sleep."
"Okay," she relented and went to her sleeping pad covering up with the blanket. At first she feared she would toss and turn unable to sleep due to the tumult in her mind. But Sasuke was right, she was exhausted and eventually her body won out and she fell asleep in a fairly short time.
Sasuke looked at her in the firelight for the longest time.
God, she was beautiful.