Chapter 9 Irreversible

Din walked purposefully through the settlement, having left his mother at the smelting fires. He was looking forward to a meal before joining the hunts.

When he arrived at his house, he entered and immediately noticed that Cara's things were gone. Frowning, he went into the bedroom and found a similar situation there. Cara hadn't had many things to begin with, but he could feel their absence like a missing piece of armor.

Feeling something was wrong, he went outside and looked around. She couldn't have left the world. There were few ships, and his was still sitting where he'd parked it. Something must have happened, but what?

Glancing over at his ship, he realized that was the most likely place she'd have gone. He began walking towards it, thinking about what to say when he got there. Maybe their conversation from the night before terrified her and pushed her away. Maybe someone in the covert had said something. Whatever the case, he could tell something had changed.

After a short walk, he rounded the corner to the ramp of his ship finding Cara sitting on a bench and reading a holopad. She looked up and her eyes said everything. Din swallowed hard and walked to the top of the ramp so he was standing in front of her. He could see the pain hovering in her brown eyes.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

Placing the holopad on the bench beside her, she stood and crossed her arms. "As soon as we deal with this whole spice cartel mess, I'd like to leave."

He frowned, though she couldn't see that. "You're always free to go. I can drop you off somewhere and then come back. I would never keep you here against your will."

She nodded curtly. "I know."

He hesitated, unsure what to say, unsure how much he should push for answers.

"What happened?" he asked again.

Cara swallowed hard and he could see her set her teeth, preparing for a fight.

"Why didn't you tell me that the whole tribe thinks were together? And that it's forbidden?"

Din paused for a moment, watching her. "It isn't forbidden."

She looked at him incredulously. "Really? Tell that to Rapoa. And Yartu. And Prafon. And almost anyone else except your family. The only people who don't seem to believe it's wrong are in your family!"

Din watched her quietly, seeing her angry eyes, but also seeing the hurt that simmered below the surface. Din sighed.

"The Mandalorian's have long been wary of strangers. Though the code says very little about outsiders, the Mandalorian people have created their own rules about what's expected. Many believe that we should not even have non-Mandalorian working partners, much less mates. My family has long believed that these rules are no longer necessary. But there is still much fear."

He paused, watching her. Cara nodded.

"Sure," she said. "you have different beliefs than a lot of other Mandalorians. It's just…"

She paused and started rubbing her eyes for a long moment, thinking. Din walked a step towards her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. Looking up, her hands fell away from her face and he could see her sparkling brown eyes.

"If you want to leave, I'll take you as soon as we deal with the cartel." He wanted to give her a way out. If she really wasn't comfortable among the Mandalorians, he wouldn't keep her there.

She nodded curtly. "Thanks."

Din's hand fell away from her shoulder and he turned on his heel to leave quickly, clomping down the ramp at record speed. When the bright sunlight hit his armor, he had a strong desire to run back to the mountains where he and his mother had spent the morning.

Despite himself, he felt tears welling in his eyes.

But why? He and Cara had never been anything more than partners. Even though they had grown close, they weren't connected in any other way. He was sure they would continue to be working partners despite this fiasco with the Mandalorians. Yes, things would be different but they would still stay connected like they were before.

He suddenly changed direction. Instead of continuing the trudge towards his house for food, he walked purposefully towards the tree line, just wanting to get away for a bit. He wasn't hungry anyway.

He knew he didn't want them to just be working partners. He could admit that to himself now. He hadn't been aware of it before bringing her to the tribe, but now it was painfully obvious where his heart was.

Hearing quick footsteps behind him, he turned and saw Cara jogging through the long grass towards him. When she arrived next to him, she took a moment to catch her breath.

"I'm sorry," she said simply.

He looked at her for a long moment. "You don't owe me anything Cara. Not even an apology."

She nodded and looked into his visor. "I really do want to be with you Din but I'm scared of causing trouble for you with your people. I'm scared of being with someone again. I'm scared of practically everything that comes with being in a relationship."

He nodded. "It's all right Cara. I understand."

"No," she said quickly. "You don't."

Reaching a hand up boldly, she slipped a finger into the space between his flight suit and his helmet, grazing the skin on his neck lightly. Din swallowed hard, breathing deeply. It was only one finger, but he was so unaccustomed to touch it seemed to light a fire in his gut. She lifted her other hand, slipping that finger in to his flight suit on the other side. Pulling the collar down for better access, she stepped closer to him. Din sighed deeply.

"Cara," his gravelly voice said. "not here."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the tree line.

They got there a moment later, and Din could feel the blood pounding in his helmet. Cara wasted no time in pushing him roughly against a large tree and yanking his flight suit open at the neck. Her lips grazed his neck a moment later and he let out a deep groan.

She kissed his neck up to the spot where his jaw bone and helmet began, and then moved forward, towards his larynx. Din's hands were on her arms, trailing his fingers over her bare skin, moving down to her waist and settling on her hips. She had moved to the other side of his neck now, her hands straying down, yanking on his armor gently.

Din allowed his hands to move around her back and feel the curves of her body. He wished he could take off his gloves so he could feel her skin. Pulling away slightly, he started removing his gloves and Cara looked at him questioningly.

"Is that okay here?" she asked. Din noticed she was breathing quickly. In answer, he pulled them off and dropped them next to the tree, running his hands up her arms, feeling her bare skin connected with his.

He let out a shaky breath. His body was almost always deprived of any kind of touch so everything felt so intense. Tendrils of energy coursed from his hands into his body, feeling like fire licking his nerves. His fingers grazed the skin up her neck and then onto her face. He traced her lips, her eyes, and then pushed into her hair.

Grabbing Cara around the waist, he spun them around so she was against the tree. To his satisfaction, she let out a low groan. Tracing his fingers up her body again, he suddenly had a strong urge to take off his helmet.

He froze.

Swallowing hard, he looked at the woman in front of him. Would she be satisfied with a relationship where she could never see his face? Would she be sexually satisfied? Would he ever be so tempted to show her his face that he actually would?

"What?" she asked, peering at him from her spot against the tree, her breath still coming quickly.

"I-

He started and then stopped. "Do you think you would be… satisfied… in a relationship with someone who always wears a helmet?"

Cara smiled widely. "You mean sexually? I have a pretty good imagination. I'm sure we can think of a lot of different ways to work it out."

Din nodded. "But also… not sexually?"

Sighing, Cara thought for a moment. "I do want to see your face, Din. I've always wondered what you look like. That won't change. But I know you don't allow any living thing to see your face. And I respect that."

Din nodded curtly. "And the tribe? They don't seem too happy about us being together."

"Well," Cara began, "They're your family. I actually like most of them. But I would never want to come between you and your family."

Taking a deep breath, Din tightened his hands around her hips unconsciously. Now that they had made it this far, he didn't want to stop. Swallowing hard, he made a sudden decision.

"Come on," he said, stepping away from her body and pulling her by the hand. She followed willingly. He shoved his hands back into his gloves and walked purposefully towards his ship. He glanced at her covertly as they walked, noticing how her hair glinted in the sunlight, and the gorgeous curves of her body as she moved. The walk to his ship felt like it took ages.

When they finally arrived and entered the ship, it felt like three days had passed. Once inside, Din punched the controls to the hold and the ramp slowly rose into place.

Cara looked at him questioningly.

He tapped a few controls on his vambrace and all light went out. He reached out and placed his hands gently on Cara's arms.

"Is this okay?" He asked.

Cara took a deep breath. He could feel her heart beating quickly in anticipation. "Yeah."

Din nodded and then reached up to his helmet. A moment later, a soft hiss filled the hold as he slid his helmet off. Cara froze.

"Din, is that okay? Is that… allowed?"

The air hung still between them.

"The code says that no living thing can see our faces. You can't see me. The code says nothing about touch."

OoOoOoOoO

Swallowing hard, Cara tried to calm her racing heart. Din's voice… it was the first time she had heard his voice. She wanted to touch him and kiss him and find out what his hair felt like, but she also wanted to savor every moment of this and take it slow. She also knew that this was about so much more than sex; it was about trust.

Din's hands slid down her arms until he reached her hands, pulling them up towards his face. Taking them, he slid them onto either side of his neck.

"Go ahead," his hoarse voice encouraged.

Heart racing, eyes open wide staring into the blackness, Cara hesitated.

"Are you sure?" She asked. "I don't want to do anything you'll regret later."

There was silence for a beat. "I'm sure."

With her sight completely gone, Cara felt hyper aware of her other senses. Sliding her hands up his neck, she could feel the rough stubble covering his skin. Getting to his jaw line a moment later, she quickly pushed her hands farther up, tracing her fingers over his face; his cheeks, his nose, his eyes that fluttered closed, his hair, and finally his lips. While she explored, Din's breathing had steadily increased and when she finally grazed a finger over his parted lips, a groan escaped.

Cara quickly leaned up and captured his lips in a passionate kiss.

They both breathed in deeply, surprised and breathless at how much they needed that connection.

Din felt unsure to Cara, as though he didn't quite know how to kiss her. It suddenly dawned on her that he may never have kissed anyone before.

A moment later, Din seemed to get his bearings and quickly stepped her back and into the bulkhead, kissing her fiercely. He pressed his body flush with hers and she moaned through the kiss. She heard him unhook his gloves and heard them hit the floor. A moment later, his bare hands were skating over her arms and pushing into her hair, kissing her deeply.

He broke away, breathing deeply, and immediately started kissing her jaw line, moving down to her neck. She could feel his rough face grazing on the tender skin of her neck, making tendrils of energy course through her. His lips moved down further, brushing over her skin, moving over her larynx. She pushed him up and captured his lips again, a groan escaping his lips as she did. Cara threaded her hands through his hair, which was longer than she expected.

Din suddenly pulled away, out of breath, and took a step back. Cara paused.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yes," he said quickly. "I just…"

She could hear him swallow hard and thought she heard the sound of his hand running through his hair.

"It's just… a lot. I'm not used to… so much touch."

He seemed slightly embarrassed, but it made complete sense to Cara.

"I get it. It's okay."

He took a deep, long breath. "I've never… kissed anyone before."

Cara nodded, even though she knew he couldn't see her. "You're sure this is okay?"

"Yes," he answered firmly, moving closer to her again. He reached out to where he thought she was standing and his hand connected with her shoulder.

"But," he said, his voice husky, "Just because I haven't kissed anyone doesn't mean I haven't been with anyone."

Cara tried to see through the blackness in front of her, reaching out and connecting with hard beskar. Pulling her body flush with his, she leaned up and kissed him deeply. He responded by spreading his hands over her back and running his hands down her sides and over her hips.

Pushing her back suddenly, Din pushed her into the bulkhead again and ran his hands down her sides. He started working on her gun belt and she wasted no time helping him. It dropped to the floor beside her.

Getting to one knee in front of her, he started working on her pants. Cara breathed deeply, leaning her head against the bulkhead and felt his calloused hands grazing her bare skin, pulling off her armor. Suddenly his lips were on her stomach and the bare skin above her pants. He pulled them lower. Her breath slipped in and out quickly, a groan escaping her lips.

A soft beeping filled the hold. Din paused and Cara heard a deep sigh escape his lips. Getting up, he put his hands on Cara's face and kissed her hard. Then, she heard him clomping over to where she thought his helmet lay. She heard him push it on his head.

"Yeah," his voice filtered through the modulator. She could hear another voice filtering into his helmet, but couldn't make out the words. She leaned down to adjust her pants and picked up her gun belt again, replacing it and her armor.

A moment later, Din stood and asked, "Mind if I turn on a light?"

"Sure," Cara said. A moment later a dim light came on in the corner of the hold. It seemed very bright to their light starved eyes and Cara squinted. After a moment, Din's helmeted form came into view and they looked at each other.

"It's the kid," he said simply. "He got into a fight. He's not able to calm down and Corvin thinks I may be able to help."

Cara nodded. "Of course."

Cara walked over to him, stopping just shy of touching him, his helmet somehow seeming more distancing than before. "We should talk more later."

He nodded. "Yes."

They stood there looking at each other for a long moment, neither sure what to say.

Cara cleared her throat. "Shall we?"

"Sure," he agreed.

Author's notes:

Thanks for reading! I am expecting to post at least one more chapter before Christmas, hopefully more, so watch for that. In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving to the Americans, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!