Wednesday, November 23, 1977
The words swam in front of Remus's eyes and he blinked several times to clear his head before returning to the essay in front of him. He felt a stab of irritation when he realized he had dozed off and let his quill slip, leaving a long, inky streak below his paragraph.
"Bloody hell," he muttered before blowing on the parchment to make the ink dry faster.
Next to him, Sirius also emitted vague, angry grumbling as he glared down at his Muggle Studies book. Even in his exhausted state, Remus could tell his friend was not absorbing any information from the reading.
"Where are Evans and Wormtail?" Sirius demanded for the third time.
Remus saw Sirius take a surreptitious sip from his flask before wedging it back between the cushions of the armchair, but he was too tired and irritable to comment.
"I already told you, I was asleep when they left and don't know where they went. I can make up an answer, though, if you like. Library, kitchens, meeting up with Prongs after practice, playing a round of Exploding Snap with Dumbledore in his office, buying pot from one of the Hufflepuffs, arm wrestling with Hagrid. Why don't you choose the answer you like best." He sighed and returned to his essay, starting a new paragraph below the ink streak.
"Don't give me that Remus Lupin sass," Sirius said, heaving an annoyed sigh. "I'm not in the mood. Not tonight."
Remus tightened his grip on his quill, resisting the urge to crumple his essay into a ball and chuck it at Sirius's head. "Padfoot, do you really want to play the who's having a shittier night game? Because you won't beat me."
"I know, I know, I'm sorry." Sirius swung his legs over the arm of his chair and began drumming his fingers against the side of his face. "See, this is why I need Evans to get back so she can tell me off for wanting to do something stupid and I can stop bothering you."
"Don't do anything stupid," Remus said without looking up from his essay. Two more paragraphs and a conclusion, and then you can sleep for a few minutes before Seven gets back from practice. You can do this, just focus.
"Thanks, Moony, that's really helpful," Sirius snapped. "Your words of wisdom have allowed me to forget all about Eddie Edgecombe's fucking hands all over Macdonald."
Remus sighed and set down his quill, then looked up to see Sirius's hand shaking as he took another sip from the flask. He felt a stab of guilt and sympathy, because Sirius was in pain and needed a friend, and it wasn't his fault that he just happened to need someone on a night when Remus had to struggle to complete basic tasks and was in no position to provide emotional support. The nagging thought that most of this fiasco was Sirius's own doing wasn't making it any easier for Remus to offer encouragement, any more than the fact that with each sip from the flask, Sirius became angrier and more volatile. Summoning what little energy he had, Remus forced himself to focus on practical solutions to solve the problem.
"Why don't you do something to take your mind off it?" he suggested. "You could help me finish this essay, if you like."
Sirius shook his head and rose from his chair, then stretched out on the floor in front of the fire. "No. I'm too bloody angry. My brain isn't working well enough to write an essay."
The half-finished homework lay in front of Remus, taunting him with the impossible amount of blank parchment still left to fill.
"I know the fucking feeling," he muttered before trying to come up with more acceptable suggestions. "Want to play chess? Or I could lend you a book, or we could take a walk?" He regretted the last idea as soon as it was out of his mouth, because the thought of leaving the cozy warmth of the armchair felt like an insurmountable task, and he silently hoped Sirius would not decide this was what would cure his restlessness. "Or we could go up to the dormitory and you can smoke if you blow the smoke directly out the window, but that means you have to hold the cigarette by the window the whole time, no getting distracted halfway through. Or, and I can't believe I'm actually bloody saying this, you can ask me really uncomfortable questions about my sex life-"
"It's okay, Moony." Sirius pulled a spare piece of parchment from his bag and began tearing off little pieces to toss into the fire. "Finish your essay. Maybe burning things will help."
Remus shrugged and returned to his essay, ignoring the little jolt of alarm he experienced when Sirius stopped throwing the parchment into the fire and instead began lighting it on fire with his wand. A few minutes later, he heard footsteps and looked up to see Sirius pacing back and forth in front of the fire. The sight made him feel dizzy, so he returned to his essay, trying to force his exhausted mind to churn out coherent, intelligent sentences. He felt his eyelids growing heavier, and the more he tried to keep his eyes open, the more they wanted to drift shut…
When pacing lost its appeal, Sirius slumped back down into his armchair to take listless sips from the flask. As he watched the other Gryffindors chat and play Exploding Snap and write Charms essays, he envied them, longing for the typical, dull Wednesday night that they were all experiencing while he fumed and stared moodily into the fire. He was trying to get the motivation to go up to the dormitory for a cigarette when he heard a soft snore and looked up to find Remus fast asleep in his armchair. Before he even realized what he was doing, he was out of his seat and pulling the Map out of the oversized pocket of Remus's cardigan. He didn't bother with secrecy, but tapped the map and muttered "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," then waited, heart pounding, until the various floors and rooms populated by tiny moving dots appeared on the parchment. He and Mary had always been open about their previous hookups, and she had confessed all the spots she and Eddie used to meet up, so it didn't take him long to locate their names on the Map, so close together that they were nearly on top of each other. How appropriate.
His emotions took over all rational thought as he stuffed the Map into his pocket and set off for the unused classroom where Mary and Eddie Edgecombe were getting reacquainted. The alcohol seemed to have hit him all at once, but he preferred to have lowered inhibitions for this particular situation, because it was bound to be a disaster. He had no idea what he would say or do when he got there, no defined purpose or aim that had motivated him to seek them out. He couldn't even properly identify the primary emotion guiding him. All he knew was that he needed to get to Mary and Eddie, and instinct would handle the rest.
When he came to a stop outside the abandoned classroom, he gave the door several firm raps before he pulled his hand back, fighting the urge to laugh. You stupid bloody idiot. Why the fuck would you knock? He reached for the door handle, tugging on it for several seconds before his brain registered that the room was locked. His hand shook as he pulled his wand from his pocket and whispered "Alohomora," and his heart pounded as he pulled the door open and stepped into the classroom.
The sound of a startled shriek and an angry "Bloody hell!" greeted Sirius as his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. In the corner of the room Mary stood with a shirt held against her body in a vain attempt to cover herself while Eddie Edgecombe struggled into his pants. As Sirius came closer and Mary realized who had interrupted them, her expression changed from surprise and confusion to fury.
"What the fuck are you doing, Black?" she demanded, abandoning her efforts with the shirt and bending down to search the floor around her.
Sirius couldn't come up with an answer to her question that made any sort of sense, so instead he picked up her bra, discarded near the door, and dangled it in front of her. "Looking for this?"
She snatched it out of his hand without a word and attempted to put it on, but her hands were shaking from anger and made the process difficult. Sirius watched her efforts with detached amusement.
"I don't know what you're even bothering to get dressed," he said. "I've seen it all, Macdonald."
Eddie Edgecombe seemed to have succeeded in putting on his pants, and he stepped forward, brandishing his wand at Sirius and putting a protective arm around Mary's waist. His neck sported a small red mark, and Sirius tried not to think about how it had come to be there.
"Get the fuck out, Black," he spat. "You have no business being here."
"Put your wand away, Edgecombe," Sirius said, batting it aside. "I'm not here for you. I'm here to talk to Macdonald."
He hadn't known it until the words were pouring out of his mouth, but now it seemed like the only possible course of action. He would tell her how he felt, drunk on a Wednesday night in the middle of a classroom while Eddie Edgecombe stood there in only pants and pointed a wand at him. No, it was not the perfect opportunity for a declaration of feelings, but when did his actions ever make sense? The words begged to be spoken, despite what she had said before, because he felt that if he could just force the words from his lips, she would find the courage to say them back, and they could repair the rift that had formed between them. He took a deep breath and prepared to speak, but Eddie cleared his throat and held his wand higher, and Sirius realized he had forgotten the other boy was even here.
"Get out," Eddie repeated. "Or I'll bloody hex you, Black." Mary finished pulling on her trousers and tried to force him to lower his wand, but he shook her off and pointed at Sirius. "He's going to hex me if I don't hex him first, Mary, and I don't much fancy the whole school hearing that Sirius Black hexed me while I wasn't wearing any trousers, if it's all the fucking same to you."
Sirius looked down and realized with mild surprise that he was holding his own wand. Shrugging as if he had no choice, he pointed it at Eddie and scrambled to decide on a spell, but his mind was blank, and after a moment he shook his head and lowered his wand again.
"I'm not going to hex you, Edgecombe," he said, tossing his wand aside so it would be out of the way.
Eddie watched Sirius's wand roll into the corner of the room and frowned. "You're not?"
Sirius shook his head. "Nope," he said, before stepping forward and punching him in the nose.
For the next several minutes, everything blurred together into a confusion of shouting and flying fists and occasional bursts of pain. Sirius felt the spray of blood as his fist made contact with Eddie's nose, then heard a crunch as his knuckles missed their target and collided with the unforgiving stone of the classroom wall. He heard Eddie's shout of triumph when he landed a blow to Sirius's face, but he experienced no pain, only an annoying trickle as his lip split and began to drip blood. Time was still moving in fits and starts when he felt a stinging pain across his face and looked over to see Mary pointing her wand at him.
"Did you hex me, Macdonald?" he asked in astonishment.
"No, I fucking slapped you," she said, her voice shaking with fury. "But I'll hex you if you don't get out."
Something in her tone made Sirius pause, and as he took in her trembling hand and the slight hum of magic in the air, he realized she was teetering on the edge of losing control. Despite his anger and pain and alcohol-fueled desire to keep hitting Eddie Edgecombe, Sirius couldn't bring himself to push her past her breaking point, not after everything they had been through together, so he held up his hands in a gesture of surrender and began to edge sideways to retrieve his wand.
"I'm leaving," he said, bending down to fumble in the darkness for his wand before stuffing it into his pocket. "But will you come with me? I just want to talk to you. I need to tell you-"
"You needed to tell me something, so you chose to fucking barge in and interrupt me while I was with someone else?" She grabbed her shoes and shirt, bundling them in her arms before giving him a shove towards the door. "We spend every day together, every bloody night together, but you think now is the right time to tell me something?"
Sirius stumbled and grabbed the wall to keep himself upright, then backed out of the door and out into the corridor. Mary followed, blinking in the torchlight and still clutching her shirt and shoes. If she felt any embarrassment about standing in the corridor wearing only a bra and trousers, she was too angry to care.
"But we haven't spent every day and night together," Sirius shouted back. "Not since Monday." His feet were propelling him forward, but he was hardly aware of where he was going.
"Because you went and shagged Stacy bloody Tremblay on Monday! You really expected me to want to sleep next to you after you came back all sweaty and smelling like her?"
"Well, I would've showered," Sirius said with a shrug, then ducked to avoid the shoe she threw at his head.
"You would've - you're fucking infuriating, Black!" she spluttered, eyes blazing. "You absolute bloody hypocrite, shagging someone else and then bursting in on me like this, all jealous and causing a bloody scene-"
"I never said I was fucking jealous," he interrupted.
"Right, because it's perfectly reasonable for you to get drunk on a Wednesday night and decide to punch Edgecombe when you knew we were in the middle of shagging." She aimed her other shoe at his head, then doubled back to pick them up.
Sirius dodged the shoe and sighed. "Does nobody understand how punching works? You don't fucking decide to punch someone, you just sort of do it. That wasn't my intention when I went to find you two, it just sort of happened." When she glared at him but didn't reply, he shrugged and added, "He has a very punchable face."
"If anyone has a punchable face it's you," she spat, and her voice had risen to a shout. "You can't have it both ways. If you want to be exclusive say so, but you can't shag someone else and then get upset when I do the same."
"I wasn't upset!" Sirius said, vaguely aware that he was also shouting. "I just thought maybe you wouldn't be such a bloody tart, that's all."
"Sod you, Black!"
She began to wallop him with her shirt, but he snatched it out of her hands and tossed it over the side of the staircase. It fluttered and drifted through the air before coming to a rest several floors down, and Mary hurried after Sirius without bothering to retrieve it.
"I'm just saying, the last time you shagged Edgecombe was because I wasn't in the mood for shagging," he continued. The words poured out as his body propelled him forward, and he felt that he wasn't even in control of his actions anymore. "He's your, I dunno, second choice or consolation prize or something, and I just think you might try going a few days without shagging rather than jumping into bed with the first person who'll have you, just to get back at me."
"Why the hell would I need to get back at you?" she demanded. "I never said I had a problem with you shagging Stacy. I fucking defended you when everyone was all shocked and ready to tell you off, actually. I just don't get why you were all for being able to do whatever with whoever we want, and then you went and acted like a bloody maniac tonight. If you aren't happy with us not being exclusive, just bloody say that."
"But you're the one who said you didn't want to be exclusive!" Sirius shouted.
They had reached the Fat Lady, but neither of them bothered to give the password. Sirius felt months worth of hurt and repressed emotions bubbling to the surface, and now that he had started, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop even if he wanted to.
"When did I say that?" she asked, and the indignance and confusion on her face just fueled his rage. "You never asked me about being exclusive."
"I asked you about what you said in The Three Broomsticks the other day, when you said you didn't want to see anyone else and hadn't in a long time, and you told me it was drunken rubbish and you hadn't meant it." Speaking the words sent a sharp jolt of pain through him, but he pressed on, because it was a relief to be saying all of this out loud. "So it was pretty fucking clear how you felt and what you wanted, so yeah, I went and shagged Stacy Tremblay, because she was there and I was there and why the fuck not?"
Her eyes were wide and she seemed to be struggling to reply. "When I said that, I didn't mean… Well, just because I said it doesn't necessarily mean that's what I really think."
"Are either of you going to give the password, or are you going to just stand there and force me to listen to you argue?" the Fat Lady snapped, glaring at them.
"Socks!" Sirius shouted, and the Fat Lady's glare turned even more disapproving as she swung forward to admit them to the common room.
Remus awoke to a gentle hand on his shoulder and a soft voice calling his name.
"Remus? Where's Sirius?"
He opened his eyes to see Lily peering down at him, her green eyes wide with alarm. Beside her stood Peter, wearing a concerned frown. His forehead glistened and his hair appeared damp with sweat, which puzzled Remus although he didn't have time to analyze the possible explanations. A quick scan of the common room told him that, as he had feared, Sirius was not there.
"You don't suppose he's playing Exploding Snap with Dumbledore, do you?" he asked.
"What?" Lily asked, frowning and exchanging a look with Peter.
Remus shook his head and sighed. "Never mind," he said. "He's gone to find Macdonald and Eddie Edgecombe, I expect."
"How would he know where to find them, though?" Peter said. "You have the Map, don't you?"
Before Remus reached into his pocket he knew he would not find the Marauder's Map there, and sure enough, his fingers brushed only a scrap of parchment and a chocolate bar wrapper.
"He must've taken it when I fell asleep," Remus said, tossing the parchment and wrapper into the fire in irritation. "Sneaky git."
"Maybe he just went to smoke," Peter suggested. "Or to the kitchens or something."
"Hi!" James called, bounding over to them and wrapping Lily in a hug. "What've you all been up to?" He scanned the group and raised his eyebrows. "Hang on, where's Padfoot?"
"It's unclear," Lily said, reaching up to adjust James's glasses. "He might be smoking, or he might be headed to interrupt Mary and Eddie."
"Oh, bloody hell." James sat down on the arm of an empty chair and ran a hand through his hair. "You lot were supposed to keep him occupied so he didn't do anything stupid."
"I tried, Prongs," Remus said, rubbing his temples in an attempt to stave off what he suspected was the beginning of a pounding headache. "I did okay for a while, but then I fell asleep."
"And what about you two?" He turned to Lily and Peter and crossed his arms. "Evans, did he storm off after you told him off? I won't be angry, I just need to know so I can figure out where he would've gone."
"No, I didn't tell him off!" Lily shot back indignantly. "I wasn't even here. Peter and I went to the library! But thanks for assuming this is my fault."
James put a hand on her arm. "I didn't say it was your fault," he said, his tone conciliatory. "I was just asking." He fell silent, his face drawn into a thoughtful frown as he gazed into the fire and . "Right," he said after a moment. "Here's the plan."
Before he could elucidate his plan, however, Seven approached their cluster of chairs, wearing an uncertain expression and twisting the end of her long braid. She came to stand beside Remus's chair and rested a hand on his shoulder. He could sense she wanted to embrace him but felt hesitant to do so in front of the others, even though their relationship was no longer a secret. Normally he would feel the same hesitance, but he found he was too exhausted to care.
"Hi," he murmured, smiling up at her.
He reached out to her, and she leaned down and wrapped her arms around him. For a moment the dull ache behind his eyes and the weariness that weighed on him evaporated, and he was only aware of the scent of her hair and the warmth of her body pressed against his. When she pulled away, the unfortunate reality came rushing back, but it was somehow easier to handle with her hand still lingering on his arm.
"Hi," she said, looking around at the rest of the group and noticing their worried expressions. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"
"We're dealing with a bit of a crisis," Lily said before glancing at James. "Or, I dunno, is crisis too strong of a word?"
"Well, this might be related to your crisis," Seven said, tugging on the end of her braid as she considered how to phrase her next sentence. "On my way back up to the common room there was a bit of a, well, I'm not sure what to call it… Commotion, I suppose?"
James raised his eyebrows. "What sort of commotion?"
She paused and glanced sideways at Remus, and the discomfort radiating from her was tangible. He reached for her hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze, but before she could continue, Kath burst through the portrait hole and hurried over to them, her face lit with nervous excitement.
"Your mate's out there having a shouting match with his girlfriend," she announced, directing this statement at James. "Or, sorry, she's not his girlfriend, is she? Either way, after this I doubt she will be. She looks furious. Also I'm not sure why, but he's bleeding and she's not wearing a shirt."
"Bloody hell," Lily muttered, shaking her head and looking around at the others in helpless bewilderment.
"Where are they, Kath?" James asked, his tone urgent as he began to head for the portrait hole.
"They're headed this way," she replied. "I'm sure they'll be here in a minute. They were walking pretty fast. The only reason I beat them is they had to stop because she was holding her clothes and she started chucking things at him."
Remus sighed and looked up at Seven. "Are your friends this mad, Seven?"
She grinned. "I mean, they have their moments, but-"
She broke off as muffled shouting could be heard outside the portrait hole, punctuated by the indignant cries of the Fat Lady.
"Put your game faces on, everyone," James muttered, running a hand through his hair and slipping his hands into his pockets.
Remus shook his head and began to check the area around him for anything that could be thrown or broken. Why couldn't we have a nice, normal Wednesday evening? Sit around by the fire, get some homework done, maybe sneak in a bit of snogging, fall asleep and wake up with my face stuck to a textbook… Is that too much to ask?
James watched in trepidation as Sirius and Mary stepped through the portrait hole and drew to a stop, then turned to face each other, faces screwed up in anger.
"Why the fuck wouldn't you just say what you really think, then?" Sirius shouted, waving his hands around and knocking someone's Transfiguration textbook off a nearby table. "Isn't that an important part of a healthy relationship, being fucking honest?"
"Don't fucking lecture me about being honest! How many times have you kept your feelings to yourself, or only told me how you feel when you're too drunk to bloody stand up? And besides, what would you know about a healthy relationship?"
Her words made James wary and alert, and they must have had the same effect on Sirius, because he raised his eyebrows and fixed her with his most defiant glare. Blood dripped from a cut on his lip and had left his t-shirt spotted with bright droplets of red, which made the effect even more intimidating.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius demanded.
"It means you've never been in a healthy relationship!" she shot back. "You've never been in a relationship at all, really. And your family-"
She broke off and clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide with horror, but the damage had been done.
"What about my family, Macdonald?" Sirius asked through gritted teeth.
James could see the hurt beneath Sirius's angry expression and narrowed eyes and hear the betrayal in his ragged breathing and trembling voice. Mary knew him well enough to sense it too, because she shook her head and tried to place a hand on his arm.
"I'm sorry," she began. "I didn't mean-"
He shrugged off her touch, glaring at her with such malice that she withdrew her hand and took a step backwards.
"I'm his family, Macdonald," James said, rising from his chair to stand beside Sirius. "You want to have a go at me?"
Sirius turned his glare on James and shook his head. "Stay out of this, Prongs." James fell silent but didn't budge, and Sirius turned his attention back to Mary. "If you're implying that I'm fucked up because of what the Blacks are like and the way I grew up, you're not wrong, but that's a low fucking blow, Macdonald."
"I didn't-" she repeated, but he took a step closer and spoke over her.
"I thought you understood that they're not my family anymore, that I do my best to forget all that because that's not who I am!"
"I know that's not who you are," she said, a pleading note in her voice, but Sirius seemed not to even hear her.
"Are you fucked up because of what your mum's like? Because if that's the deciding factor, I don't think you're any more qualified to give relationship advice, or any sort of advice, other than how to drink too much gin and shag dodgy men."
"That's out of line, Sirius," Lily said, jumping out of her seat and striding over to stare at him with her hands on her hips. "Talk about a low blow."
"Evans!" James yelped, looking at her in surprise. He felt a sudden lurch of panic at the idea that the rift between Sirius and Mary would drive Lily from him. They'd never had a fight, not a proper one, and he didn't think he could bear it, but he shoved that thought aside for now.
"What?" Lily demanded, green eyes flashing with anger. "She didn't actually say anything about his family. He's the one going after Melanie."
"It's okay, Lily," Mary said in a low, detached tone. The hot fury had evaporated, leaving her looking weary and defeated. She pushed a strand of hair out of her face and looked down, realizing she wasn't wearing a shirt.
"Here," Peter said, tossing her one of the blankets that Remus kept draped on the back of his chair, as if he had been waiting for the right moment to do so. When James shot him an odd look, he shrugged and added, "Moony was blushing and Bubbles was staring."
James glanced across the room at Bubbles, who wore a sheepish expression as his girlfriend elbowed him, then turned his attention back to Sirius and Mary.
"I'm going to bed," Mary muttered, her voice barely audible. "Do me a favor, Black, and stay the fuck out of my business. And I want your bloody sidecar out of my dormitory."
Her eyes lingered on his for a moment before she turned and headed up the stairs. James thought he saw her swipe at a tear, but she was already across the room and he couldn't be sure.
"Well, I want my fucking Queen t-shirt back!" Sirius shouted at her retreating back before rounding on the rest of the common room. "And you can all mind your own fucking business!"
He headed for the staircase to the boys' dormitory, aiming a kick at a table as he went and sending a deck of Exploding Snap cards cascading to the floor where one exploded and began to smoke. He watched it burn with a look of grim satisfaction before stomping up the staircase. A faint thud could be heard as he slammed the dormitory door shut behind him, followed by the sound of shattering glass a few seconds later. A shocked silence lingered in his absence before the Gryffindors burst into excited, shocked discussion of the argument.
"Hope that wasn't anything important," Peter muttered as he stepped on the smoldering card to extinguish it and began to gather up the rest of the deck.
Remus exchanged a meaningful look with James before returning to his essay while Seven paged through the textbook and pointed out useful bits of information for him. James slumped down into his armchair and ran a hand through his hair as he tried to process the absolute shitshow that had been the last five minutes. His mind was so engrossed in determining the best course of action to minimize the inevitable emotional fallout that he didn't notice Lily approach until she put a hand on his shoulder.
"Are you going to wait a bit before you go up there?" she asked, biting her lip and eying the staircase with an anxious frown.
"You always wait, Evans," James said, managing a weak smile. "Well, unless you don't mind having random objects chucked at your head, then there's no need to wait." He slipped his arm around her waist and leaned his head against her. "I suppose you're going up to talk to Mary right away."
"I think I'd better," she said with a sigh.
She leaned down to kiss him, pulling away reluctantly and lingering beside him despite her previous statement to the contrary.
"Can you stay a bit longer?" he asked, reaching for her hand. "Sit with me for a minute."
She let him pull her down onto his lap and settled into his arms. He kissed the top of her head and savored the reassuring warmth of her body on his.
"Are we okay?" he asked after a moment, lacing his fingers through hers.
"Of course we're okay," she said in surprise, giving his hand a squeeze to emphasize her point. "I'm sorry if it seemed like I was siding against you or something. I just…" She sighed and turned to look at him, an unreadable expression on her face.
"I know what he said was pretty awful, and I don't blame you for standing up for Mary. She's your best friend, and I would've done the same. But you have to realize that he doesn't mean any of the stuff he says when he gets like that. He doesn't like people to see that he's hurt, so he just gets angry instead and says… well, all sorts of horrible shit that he doesn't mean." He fell silent and studied her face, afraid he had said too much.
"I know he doesn't mean it," she said, choosing her words with care. "But just because he's hurting doesn't mean it's okay for him to hurt other people, you know?"
James frowned as he mulled over the implications of her statement. "What are you saying?"
"Just that…" Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. "Never mind. I don't even know what I'm saying. They were both out of line, but I'm sure they'll figure it out. They're so bloody good together." She leaned her head against his shoulder and relaxed against him. "Should I try to come up if I can get away early enough?"
The thought of her crawling into bed next to him made him smile. "Please do. Just listen at the door first to make sure he's not still throwing things."
She kissed him, then stood up and looked down at him, her smile replaced by an expression of concern. "Are you sure I should come up? You look exhausted." She looked around, taking in Remus's dark circles under his half-closed eyes and the look of grim, weary determination on Peter's face, and her frown deepened. "You all look exhausted, actually."
"We're fine," James said, flashing her his usual confident grin. "Well, Moony's probably struggling a bit, but that's unavoidable. Anyway, please come up tonight if at all possible, because it will in no way interfere with my sleep or with anyone else's, and we'll both probably need a hug."
She smiled and nodded. "All right. I'll see you later then," she said, turning and hurrying over to the girls' staircase.
Twenty minutes later, James knocked on the dormitory door and entered without waiting for a response. A haze of cigarette smoke and loud, unidentifiable rock music filled the air, and as James crossed the room he stepped over a broken bottle with some sort of goopy liquid oozing out around the shards of glass. He turned the volume down so they could talk without having to shout, then took a seat on his bed.
"What did you throw?" he asked, gesturing at the mess on the floor.
Sirius dropped his cigarette butt into a Butterbeer bottle and promptly lit another one. "Macdonald's bottle of Sleekeazy's," he replied, and a smug smile spread across his face as he glanced over at the ruined remains of the bottle of hair potion. "She's been leaving it in here for when we shower together. I hope she has a good supply in her dormitory, otherwise she's going to have a bloody awful hair day." He chuckled, then reached for the bottle of firewhisky next to him and put it to his lips before taking a long drag on his cigarette.
"Was Eddie Edgecombe naked when you punched him?" James asked, holding out his hand for the bottle of firewhisky.
Sirius passed it over as he considered the question. "It's a bit of a blur to be honest, but I don't think so." He frowned and watched the smoke from his cigarette curl up towards the ceiling. "No, he was wearing pants. He was naked when I walked in, though. They both were."
"So, does he have a nice arse?" James asked before taking a small sip of firewhisky.
Sirius started laughing and dropped his cigarette. "Fuck," he muttered, recovering it, but not before it had burnt a tiny hole in his duvet. "I didn't see his arse, he was facing me. I got a good view of the front, though."
"Ugh," James said, wrinkling his nose as he passed the bottle back to Sirius.
"Yup," Sirius agreed, taking a sip of firewhisky as if the alcohol could wash away the memory of Eddie Edgecombe's naked body. "Merlin, he's a tosser. It felt bloody great to punch him."
James's eyes strayed to Sirius's bruised and bloody knuckles. "How's your hand?"
Sirius looked down at his hand and shrugged. "Bit sore."
"Must've been a good punch."
Sirius considered this. "It was a respectable punch, but I think I did most of the damage when I went to hit him again and missed." He grimaced at the memory. "I hit the wall instead. It wasn't my finest moment. I suppose I was drunker than I thought." He flashed James a sheepish smile.
"I don't suppose you'll consider going to Pomfrey so she can fix it," James said with a touch of exasperation.
"Do I look like I'm dying?" Sirius asked. "Because you know that's the only time I'll go to Pomfrey willingly."
"Can I take a look, then?" James stood and took a step closer to Sirius, but he snatched his hand out of sight and buried it under the blanket.
"Let's see how it feels tomorrow," Sirius said, wincing as the sudden movement jarred his injured knuckles. "If I can't hold a wand properly, then you can mess with it. Otherwise you can sod off."
They fell silent as they passed the bottle back and forth, listening to the music playing in the background. James had just opened the window in a vain attempt to air out the room when Sirius broke the silence.
"You're a good friend, Prongs."
James laughed and returned to his bed. "Not five minutes ago you told me to sod off for wanting to fix your injured hand."
Sirius grinned and lit yet another cigarette. "I meant because of what you said to Macdonald. About, well, you know." He took a drag on the cigarette and blew out the smoke in a long, slow stream. "It shouldn't have bothered me, what she said, but…" His voice trailed off as he rolled over to face James. "I shouldn't have said what I did about Melanie, though. Especially after what she just went through with all of that. I was just so bloody angry. I'm still really bloody angry. But..."
James took off his shoes and stretched out on his bed. "I reckon she knows you didn't mean it. She's been around for some of your most impressive freak outs. She knows you can be…" He frowned, trying to come up with the perfect phrasing.
"An obnoxious dramatic arsehole?" Sirius supplied, and James grinned and nodded.
"That's the perfect way to put it," James said.
Sirius watched his cigarette burn for a moment, then sighed and rolled onto his back again. "I always manage to fuck things up, don't I?"
"You do seem to be better at it than the average person, yeah," James agreed. "I think it'll take a bit of time, but everything will be fine in the end. It always turns out all right, somehow." He glanced at his watch. "After you finish that cigarette, don't smoke any more, yeah? Moony will be coming up to bed soon, and he'll be furious if it smells any more like an ashtray than it already does. And I don't suppose you were in any fit state to notice earlier, but he looks like hell. I think it's going to be a rough full moon."
"Poor Moony," Sirius said, sighing and dropping his cigarette into the Butterbeer bottle before sitting up to remove his shoes and jacket.
"What a complete bloody disaster," Peter remarked, slouching down in his chair and resting his head in his hands.
"Are you talking about my Herbology essay?" Remus asked, pausing with his quill poised above his parchment and dripping ink onto his latest paragraph.
"No, I was talking about Padfoot and Mary," Peter said, grinning. "I'm sure your essay is fine, except you've just dropped ink all over it."
Remus bent to reread the paragraph and chuckled. "Doesn't matter, this makes no bloody sense." He sighed and rubbed his temples. "I know what I want to write, but I keep almost falling asleep and writing complete rubbish instead of actual words."
"I still can't find the information you need about the poisonous aquatic plants," Seven said, emerging from the Herbology textbook with a frown. "Are you sure this is the book you're meant to be using?"
Peter sighed and peered at the book in her hands. "No, Moony, remember? Macdonald took out a book on poisonous water plants from the library. That's what you need to use. I even marked the chapter for you."
"Oh, bloody hell, you're right," Remus said, stifling a yawn. "Where's the book?"
"It's in your bag," Peter said patiently, standing up and rummaging through Remus's bag to retrieve the book. "I told you I was putting it in there for you, and you said, 'Thanks, Petey, you're a real pal,' and then you gave me a chocolate bar to repay me." He grinned and held up the book, then passed it across to Seven. "I should've known you weren't going to remember. You only call me Petey when you're too tired to function."
"Can I call you Petey?" Seven asked as she opened the book to the page marked by a spare scrap of parchment. "That's bloody adorable."
Peter shrugged, blushing slightly. "If you like."
"Remus, do you want to dictate and I'll write for you?" Seven suggested. "I dunno how well I can mimic your handwriting, but I'll try."
Remus shook his head, then grimaced as the motion made his headache worse. "No, you don't have to do that. I feel bad enough that I made you waste time looking in the wrong book. Merlin, what's wrong with me?"
She leaned over and rested a hand on his arm. "There's nothing wrong with you, you're just exhausted," she said, her face full of concern. "Why don't you just go to sleep? I'm sure Sprout would let you turn it in late if she knows you're, er, not feeling well."
Peter raised his eyebrows at her, then took the parchment and quill from Remus and set them down on his own section of the table.
"He's too stubborn to turn in work late," he replied, dipping the quill into the ink and crossing off several of Remus's most nonsensical sentences. "But he does let me write for him if it's necessary, and today I'd say it's pretty bloody necessary." He crossed out another sentence and rewrote it, then showed his handiwork to Seven. "See, I'm pretty good at copying his handwriting. If you read out the relevant information, and Remus tells me what to write, we should be able to get this finished pretty quickly."
"I don't need-" Remus began, but Seven silenced him by putting a finger to his lips.
"Shut up and let us help you," she said before returning to the book and beginning to read out a paragraph.
They were halfway done with the task when Lily came down the stairs and sank into an empty chair. She wore pajamas and her hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, and she seemed out of place here in the common room when her attire and demeanor so clearly belonged in bed.
"You all right?" Peter asked, looking up from the sentence he had just finished. "You can probably head up to bed. I'd say it's safe at this point."
She sighed and cast a longing glance at the boys' staircase. "I'd love to, but unfortunately I've been sent out to get snacks. I thought smoking a joint was preferable to tequila, but it's just made her sad and talkative and hungry rather than sleepy, and Olivia and Anne reckon that if they're going to be kept awake by this crisis then they should get some snacks as well." She raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "Can't say I blame them. Mary's been crying and listening to the same David Bowie song for the past, well, however long I've been up there."
Remus opened his eyes to look at her, and her surprised expression told him she had assumed he was asleep. "Is it that same song Sirius likes? His, how did he put it, his 'Get your shit together' song?"
Lily stifled a yawn and slid further down in her chair. "I don't think so. It's not from Ziggy Stardust, which is her usual go-to. She said the whole album is tainted now because it reminds her of Sirius. Apparently that's all they listened to this summer. No, this one's that one about Tom the astronaut or whatever, you know the one I mean."
Peter frowned. "What's an astronaut?"
Lily shook her head and chuckled. "Never mind." With what looked like a supreme amount of effort, she heaved herself to her feet. "Anyway, I suppose I better stop procrastinating and go get the snacks already."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Seven offered. "I'm about done here."
"No, you stay here with Moony, Seven. I'll go," Peter said, getting to his feet and stretching. "Keep him awake using whatever means necessary, even if you have to resort to some, er, unconventional strategies."
He set off with Lily before Remus and Seven could protest or ask for clarification about the aforementioned unconventional strategies. Left behind in the deserted common room, Remus and Seven looked at each other and grinned.
"Come sit with me," Remus urged, and Seven squeezed in next to him on the armchair as he tucked his arm around her. "My eyes are closed, but I'm not sleeping," he added, reclining his head back against the chair and letting his eyes drift shut. "Although, you can feel free to poke me if I stop responding."
"You should just go to sleep," she said before leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "Let Peter write the conclusion. I doubt he'd mind."
The light touch of her fingers trailing up and down his arm brought a smile to his face, and for a moment he considered letting himself sink into the tantalizing pull of sleep, but that was a habit that he didn't want to fall into. If he did it this time, it would be that much easier to do the same thing next month, and before he knew it he would be using his condition as an excuse to be lazy and cut corners with his schoolwork.
"I can't," he murmured, moving his head to rest on top of hers. "I've got to do my own work. It won't take long, and I'll be okay as long as you keep me awake. Will you talk to me about something? Anything, it doesn't matter what."
She thought for a moment, then said, "I started a new book today. I think you'd like it, actually." Her tone was casual, but Remus sensed her body tensing as she continued, "I thought maybe I could come visit you in the hospital wing on Saturday morning so I could read a bit to you? If that's all right with you, that is."
The thought of Seven sitting by his hospital bed or even curling up next to him was so appealing that he almost said yes before his brain had time to talk him out of it. The transformations left him so physically and emotionally vulnerable, and it would be so nice to have Seven's calm, soothing presence to cheer him up, but of course he couldn't allow her to see him like that. Summoning all his remaining self-restraint, he shook his head.
"You don't need to do that," he said, choosing not to question her certainty that he would be in the hospital wing on Saturday morning. "You have the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw match to watch, and your own homework to do, and-"
"Just think about it, okay?" she said, cutting him off before he could launch into a sleep-deprived ramble. "I know you're very… private, and you like keeping certain aspects of your life to yourself, and I understand that."
He opened his eyes and glanced over at her, terrified about what she was going to say next, but unwilling to interrupt her.
"But I really like you and care about you, and I hate seeing you like this." She reached for his hand and ran her thumb along his, and somehow the light contact echoed the affection and care that her words conveyed. "I want to help you feel better however I can, and so I think I'd be a pretty bad girlfriend if I just sat in the common room or at the Quidditch match and didn't go visit you when I know you're sitting in the hospital wing, feeling down and in need of a hug and a good book."
The word 'girlfriend,' gave him pause, because as far as he could remember, it was the first time either of them had used it. It gave him hope and helped counteract the jolt of panic that ran through him as he thought about the tacit acknowledgement of his condition that her presence in the hospital wing would mean. Was it really possible that she knew and still wanted to be with him? It was too much to consider now, when he barely had enough energy to form coherent sentences.
"You don't have to decide right now," she said, as if reading his thoughts. "And we don't have to talk about, well, anything you don't want to. I could just come and sit with you and read, or just sit there while you nap, or whatever you like, and it doesn't have to be anything more than that."
She leaned over and kissed him, and the warmth of her lips drove away some of his doubts and dulled the pain in his head. Maybe he could let her visit him in the hospital wing, just this once, if it meant he would feel this much better. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world…
"Just think about it, all right?" she repeated, pulling away and settling beside him.
Her words stayed with Remus as Peter and Lily returned with a pile of snacks and while Peter helped him write the conclusion to finish the essay. After Lily had returned from delivering the snacks and comforting Mary, then dragged herself up the boys' staircase, Remus kissed Seven goodnight and watched her ascend the stairs to her own dormitory. Alone in the common room, he and Peter looked at each other before glancing at the staircase, neither of them eager to make the trek upstairs.
"What a fucking day," Peter said, sighing and staring into the fire. "I don't have high hopes for tomorrow, either. And Merlin, it'll be even worse for you, I suppose."
Remus shrugged and rubbed his eyes. "I'll survive. I always do." He hesitated, running through Seven's words in his head before adding, "I think Seven knows."
Peter did not bother wasting time asking what he meant by this. Instead he mulled this over for a moment, frowning thoughtfully.
"She does know," he said after some consideration. "We've talked about it." Remus's alarm must have been plain on his face, because Peter held up a hand and added, "Neither of us came out and said it, but it was pretty clear that we were on the same page. And she cares about you and just wants to be there for you, Moony. I don't think it's a bad thing that she knows, I really don't."
Remus put his head in his hands and took a deep breath, trying to quell the panic that lapped at the surface of his consciousness. "She can't understand, not properly. Otherwise she wouldn't still want to be with me."
"She's not stupid, Moony," Peter argued. "She's really smart, and she doesn't do things halfway. I wouldn't be surprised if she's done some reading on the subject, because that seems like the sort of thing she'd do, doesn't it?"
"It does," Remus agreed, unsure whether he was touched or humiliated by the idea of her doing research on werewolves for his sake. "She's asked if she can come visit me in the hospital wing."
"And why shouldn't she? She wants to do it, and it would make you feel better."
Remus picked at his cuticle and didn't answer. He thought of the cuts and bruises that covered his body, the tangible exhaustion that dragged at his bones and made the simplest tasks taxing, the vague feeling of melancholy that lingered with him throughout the day following the full moon. Should he really allow Seven to see him at his worst?
"I dunno if she should see me like that," he muttered, pulling at the bit of skin until it bled. "It's… a lot."
"She can handle it," Peter said with a shrug. "The rest of us do, and Seven's tough. She played a Quidditch match with broken ribs, and Prongs reckons she's captain material, so she's not the type to run when things are difficult. It'll be fine, Moony. You don't have to decide tonight, but I think you should let her visit, because she makes you really bloody happy, and you need more of that."
Remus tried to absorb Peter's words, but they began to blend together in his exhausted mind, and he rubbed his eyes again, trying to force his thoughts to make sense.
"I'm going to shut up so we can go to bed before you die of exhaustion," Peter said, grinning and getting to his feet before offering Remus a hand up. "As Prongs would say, tomorrow's going to be a great day, yeah?"
Remus grasped Peter's hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. "Sure, Petey. I'm sure tomorrow's going to be just fan-fucking-tastic."