This Is Why We Get Along So Well

by Patriceavril

"Thanks, Evans," Sirius said, taking another sip from the flask before passing it across to her. "Did you mean that? About being scared, I mean?" She took a swallow of firewhisky and nodded. "Course I did. Why do you think I'm not dating James yet? It's okay to be scared. It's perfectly normal. Having feelings for someone, putting yourself out there, being in a relationship - that

32. If you're going to chuck things at me

Sunday, November 27, 1977

When Mary woke up the next morning, the melancholy of the previous evening had been replaced by a startling clarity. All the fragmented emotions and unanswered questions had slid into place in her mind, and she was filled with a sense of purpose and resolve as she rose and made her way to the shower. The steam and hot water further solidified the feeling, so that by the time she finished getting dressed and drenching her hair with Sleekeazy's, she felt almost cheerful.

She opened her trunk and hunted around for several items, then rummaged through and pulled out a few other things. After taking a quick scan of the room to ensure she hadn't missed anything, she gathered up the assorted belongings and carried them down to the common room. James and Lily were already seated by the fire, munching pastries and brushing crumbs from each others' clothing, but the rest of their armchairs were vacant. She raised her hand in greeting before striding briskly past them to the sidecar that had stood in the corner of the common room since she had levitated it out of her dormitory several days ago. Sirius has threatened to hex anyone if they so much as touched it, his expression so terrifying that nobody had attempted to move it, and the more timid students gave it a wide berth, feeling it was safest to ignore its existence. Mary, however, did not give a toss about angering Sirius, and leaned against the side car as she dumped her armful of stuff onto the floor.

A minute later, there was a neat pile stacked on the seat of the sidecar. She took a moment to survey her work, letting her eye linger over the collection of Sirius's belongings she had accumulated over the last months. The old Queen t-shirt she had worn to bed countless times was folded and placed below the supple red leather of her jacket, and the top hat Sirius had bought her in Diagon Alley this summer was perched next to a Led Zeppelin album and a Transfiguration book, along with two more t-shirts, some assorted socks, and a pair of Chudley Cannons boxers. In a different mood she might have let herself reminisce about the memories that each item sparked, but she had exhausted all her tears and sentimentality last night after listening to "Space Oddity" for the fifth time. Shoving her hands into her pocket and taking a fortifying breath, she walked away from the sidecar to join James and Lily by the fire. Her steps felt lighter, as if she had shed a physical weight.

"Is Black still sleeping?" she asked, then continued without waiting for a response. "When he comes down, will you tell him his stuff is over there by the sidecar?"

"Mary-" Lily began, but Mary spoke over her.

"I tried to find everything, but if there's something missing I'm happy to look around some more. I'm going to go to the library, if anyone needs me."

"What about breakfast?" Lily insisted. "Aren't you hungry?"

Mary stole a scone from the plate on the table in front of them and swung her bag higher on her shoulder. "I've got breakfast," she said before taking a bite. "Oh, and tell him he might want to use some of this for those marks on his neck." She pulled a tube of ointment from her bag and tossed it to James, who caught it despite the confusion on his face. "Or he can leave them there for everyone to see, I don't care. But I want this back when he's finished, because it's expensive and it does really work."

"What are you talking about?" James asked, frowning down at the tube of ointment in his hand.

"You'll know when you see him," Mary said, ignoring the twinge of jealousy that shot through her when she remembered the satisfied smirk that had spread across his face when she commented on the marks. "I'll see you later."

She took off for the portrait hole, chewing her scone and sneaking one last look at the sidecar before she left the common room. The sight of her jacket sitting there neatly folded gave her a little pang of sadness, not just because she loved that jacket, but because it was the best gift she'd ever gotten. But she couldn't think about that now, not when she was starting to feel together and in control, so she shoved the thought aside and began making a plan for the day. She would start with the Transfiguration essay, then move on to the reading for Divination, and if things worked out, she would run into Eddie Edgecombe and arrange a study break. Taking a deep breath, she adjusted her bag to readjust the weight and quickened her pace, keeping a fragile hold on the feeling of clarity that was sustaining her through the morning.

"Morning, Padfoot," James said, lifting a hand that rested on Lily's waist to give him a lazy wave. "Want a pastry? Or we can go down to breakfast if you like."

Sirius saw James and Lily survey him before exchanging a knowing look. He glanced at Peter, who was studying his fingernails and avoiding Sirius's eye, then at Remus, who was slumped in his chair with his eyes half-closed, looking as though he had expended most of his effort for the day just getting out of bed. He scanned the common room, but instead of Mary's distinctive curls, he spotted a flash of red on top of the sidecar that stood in the corner of the room. Puzzled, he crossed the room to investigate, ready to shout at anyone nearby for using his sidecar as a table, but his irritation evaporated when he realized the pile was not random items dumped there by some careless first year. As his eyes took in the familiar items in a neat pile, he had to bite his lip to contain a sharp rush of hurt, and for a moment he felt tears prick his eyes. But he couldn't stand the idea of such naked vulnerability, so he bit his lip even harder and channeled his pain into a more acceptable display of emotion. A hot fury filled him and burned away his tears as he scooped up the pile of his things and carried it back over to his friends.

"What the fuck is this?" he demanded. The pair of Chudley Cannons pants tumbled to the floor, but he ignored them. "Why's she left all this stuff here?"

James and Lily exchanged another look.

"I think she just wanted to return your things," James said, his tone cautious.

"Well the jacket and top hat aren't mine, those were fucking gifts!" His hands were shaking and he watched a pair of socks topple off the top of the pile to land near his feet. "She wears this bloody jacket all the time, and all of a sudden she doesn't want it?"

Lily opened her mouth to reply, her eyes wide with shock, but a buzzing filled Sirius's ears and he couldn't make out her words. She held up a tube of ointment that Sirius recognized, and the rest of the pile fell from his arms as he took the proffered tube and threw it across the room. There was a startled shout as it landed in the middle of a game of Exploding Snap, but Sirius was barely aware of anything besides the anger coursing through his body.

"Why doesn't she mind her own fucking business and save it for herself? I'm sure she'll need it," he spat, his voice rising to a shout.

"Padfoot," James said in a calm, even voice.

His eyes locked onto Sirius's, urging him to maintain control, but Sirius was too furious to rein in his emotions, even if he wanted to.

"She shouldn't have done that, Padfoot. She's out of line," Peter said, and the terror on his face would have been comical under different circumstances. Today, it just made Sirius more angry.

"Don't sit there and act all sympathetic when you two were best fucking mates last night!" he yelled, gesturing at the spot in front of the fire where he had found the two of them cozied up. "Sharing a joint and laying in front of the fire and probably commiserating with her about what a shit I am-"

"I wasn't!" Peter insisted. "I wouldn't-"

"Sod you, Wormtail," Sirius said. "You're a shit fucking friend, you know that?"

"That's not fair, Padfoot," Remus said with a sigh. He propped his head on his hand and looked at Sirius through bleary eyes.

"Shut up, Moony," Sirius snapped. "You may as well just go back to sleep, if you have nothing useful to contribute to the conversation."

He saw Remus pull back into himself as he rubbed his tired eyes, and he knew on some level that he should feel bad for lashing out when his friend was this vulnerable, but he could summon no sympathy. Desperate for an outlet for the overwhelming rage, he picked up the Transfiguration book he had dropped unceremoniously onto the floor and hurled it at the wall, then watched it sink to the floor in a flutter of pages. The thump it made as it hit the floor was so satisfying that he seized the Led Zeppelin album and threw it across the room, enjoying the crunch it made as it hit the hard stone of the wall.

"Oi!" Kath shouted. "Quit throwing things. That almost hit Ukiluki!"

She gestured at her friend who had just narrowly missed being hit in the face by A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration and crossed her arms in indignation.

"Mind your own bloody business, Kath," Sirius said, giving her a rude hand gesture and casting around for something else to throw.

"It's my business if you're going to chuck things at my bloody head!" she retorted.

"She's right, Sirius," Lily said, getting to her feet and placing herself between Sirius and the group of first years across the room. "You can't keep throwing things and shouting at everyone just because you're upset with Mary."

"Fucking watch me, Evans," Sirius said.

He made a grab for the plate of scones, but Lily pointed her wand at it and levitated it out of reach. There was a moment of charged silence as he glared at her, seething, before he turned and punched the arm of his empty chair. His fist sank through the padding and hit the hard wood beneath, but he was numb to the pain as he turned and stumbled out of the common room and up the stairs. When he reached the dormitory he began to scour the room for Mary's belongings, heaping them next to his trunk. His heart pounded and the anger kept him moving and drowned out all other thoughts as he collected hair ties, bras and pants, several issues of Witch Weekly, an old pair of sweatpants, and other forgotten items and tossed them into a pile, not bothering to be gentle. When he was finished, he carried them to the stairs and began to toss them down into the common room.

"Sirius, what the hell are you doing?" Lily called.

"Returning all of Macdonald's stuff!" he called back, watching in amusement as a pair of red lacy knickers fluttered down to land on Peter's lap. "Make sure she gets it, will you?"

When he had sent the last of the items plummeting down to land among the startled Gryffindors, he returned to the dormitory and took several long swallows from a bottle of tequila he had discovered in his trunk. He was sure this belonged to Mary as well, but it seemed a waste to throw it and waste perfectly good alcohol. When the alcohol failed to calm him, he paced around the room, letting the anger build as he thought about the neat pile on top of the sidecar, until his fist struck out and slammed into the solid stone of the wall. Only when he heard a sickening crack and saw the torn, bloody skin on his knuckles did he collapse down onto his bed with the bottle of tequila, feeling that for the time being at least, his anger had fizzled out.

As he took long pulls on the bottle and tried to ignore the throbbing in his hand, he let his mind drift to the red leather jacket Mary had tossed aside without a second thought. That jacket looked as though it had been made for her, and every time she wore it he felt a thrill of pride that he had been the one to give it to her. He loved the way her dark curls looked juxtaposed against the bright red of the leather, and the way she hunched her shoulders and pulled the collar up to block out the wind. She had thrown it on to ride on the back of his motorbike, or to walk from the castle to the greenhouses, or any time she needed an extra layer, using the magically-enlarged pocket to store her wand and lipstick and whatever useless rubbish girls kept in their pockets. Now she was giving it back to him, folded neatly as though she hadn't been wearing it for the past six months, as though it meant nothing to her, as though their time together meant nothing to her.

"Fucking hell," he muttered, taking another sip of tequila and enjoying the burn as it slid down his throat, because it took his mind off the pain in his hand and the pain of Mary's rejection. He lit a cigarette and took another sip, intent on drinking until he finished the bottle or he had dulled the pain enough that he didn't want to cry or punch things.

Only a few sips of tequila remained when James entered the room wearing a guarded expression and placed a plate of food on Sirius's bedside table before taking a seat on his own bed. Lily followed behind him, looking apprehensive and slightly defiant as she sat beside James, keeping one eye fixed on Sirius.

"I got a good laugh when you threw those pants and they landed on Pete," James said. "Then one of the bras landed by Bubbles, and-" His voice broke off and there was a sharp intake of breath. "Pads, your hand is really fucked."
Sirius lifted his hand and held it in front of his eyes, and the movement sent a nauseating wave of pain up his arm. Even numb from the alcohol, he had to grit his teeth against the throbbing stabs of agony that shot through him as he tried to form a fist.

"It's pretty fucked, yeah," he said, in a casual tone that hid the true extent of the damage. "Do you feel like fixing it?"

"Merlin, Sirius," Lily breathed, rising from the bed to examine his injured hand. "How hard did you hit that chair?"

"Hard enough," he said, lighting another cigarette with difficulty, because he could barely hold his wand. "But I think I did most of the damage punching that wall." He gestured with the hand holding the cigarette before taking a long drag."

"You need to go to the hospital wing," she said, reaching out a hand to touch Sirius's arm gently before turning and appealing to James. "Right? You shouldn't even try healing that. It's his wand hand. Let Madam Pomfrey sort it out."

"I'm not going to the hospital wing," Sirius said, jerking his arm out of Lily's reach and grimacing as the motion jarred his hand. "Come on, Prongs, you've healed worse. I'd do it myself if it wasn't my wand hand."

James sighed and stood up, then sat down on the edge of Sirius's bed and reached for his hand. "Let me see it, then." He bit his lip as his eyes took in the bruised and swollen knuckles. "I dunno, mate, I think Evans is right. What if I do it wrong and you can't use your wand hand properly? This looks bad. You might need Skele-Gro."

"I don't need bloody Skele-Gro." Sirius put the cigarette to his lips and inhaled, trying to take his mind off the building pain in his hand. "It's really not that bad. I know you can handle it. Please, Prongs?"

"See, that's how I know it is bad," James said, raising his eyebrows. "Otherwise you wouldn't say please, or even bother asking me to fix it. You'd just stick it out and maybe steal one of Moony's pain potions."

"He's out," Sirius admitted. "I suppose he had to exhaust his supply in the last couple of days."

"Well, that's good, really, because you aren't supposed to combine those with alcohol." Lily cast a disapproving look at the bottle of tequila that rested by his injured hand.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't fucking lecture me, Evans." He maneuvered his cigarette so that he could drain the last drops from the bottle, then flashed her a spiteful grin. "I'll do as I please."

"Yeah, that much is clear," she snapped. "Was it really necessary to throw all that stuff down the stairs and cause a bloody scene?"

"Was it really necessary for Macdonald to act like such a selfish fucking bitch?"

She threw her hands up in exasperation. "You're the one who kept bothering her about returning that t-shirt, but when she finally returns all your stuff, you go mad and start throwing things and shouting at us, even though it's not our bloody fault?"

"Pete-" Sirius began.

"Peter did nothing wrong," she insisted. "He's not a bad friend to you just because he's still friends with Mary, just like I'm not going to stop being friends with you just because you and Mary have split up."

"We haven't-"

Lily gave an impatient wave of her hand. "I know you were never technically dating, but now you're no longer whatever you were, and you're arguing and calling each other names and throwing things, so if that's not a breakup, I don't know what is."

Sirius glowered at her, but he was concentrating too hard on ignoring the pain in his hand to argue semantics, and deep down he knew she was right.

"Anyway," Lily continued, "I know this isn't easy for you, and we all love you and want to help you get through this, but you've got to get yourself under control."

"Evans," James said, placing a warning hand on her arm, but she ignored him and plowed on.

"You can't just punch everything in sight and throw things at the wall and toss Mary's knickers all over the common room-"

"Well, if you say I can't, then I suppose I'd better stop," Sirius said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Wouldn't want the bloody Head Girl to report my inappropriate behavior to McGonagall."

"Don't get all snarky," she snapped. "You caused a huge bloody scene! First years shouldn't have to witness that-"

"Witness what, exactly?" he demanded.

"Witness you shouting at the top of your lungs! Witness undergarments raining down all over the dormitory, not to mention the, er, other thing you threw down." She blushed and avoided Sirius's eye.

"Is that still on the floor down there?" Sirius asked, smirking.

"No, I covered it with a magazine and shoved it under her chair," Lily said primly. "For fuck's sake, Sirius, Kath and Ukiluki shouldn't have to see that!"

James grinned at this comment, but he wilted under Lily's stern look and composed himself.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Calm down, Evans. It's a sex toy, not a bloody dead body or something."

"And now we're left to literally pick up the pieces down there while you storm up here to punch more things and sulk and get drunk on my tequila, by the way, and I just don't think it's fair to the rest of us." She looked to James for support, but his eyes were fixed on Sirius, waiting for his reaction.

"What's not fair, exactly?" Sirius asked, pushing himself into a seated position. His hand was shaking and he dropped his cigarette onto the floor, but James ground it out under his shoe without saying a word.

"It's not fair to shout at your friends when it's not really us you're angry at!" she shot back, her green eyes bright with indignation. "It's not fair to ask James to fix your hand when it's really a job for Madam Pomfrey! It's not fair to get drunk before the full moon and put everyone at risk - you're lucky you got off with just that scratch on your arm-"

"Evans!" James interjected, shooting Lily a sharp look.

"You told her about that?" Sirius demanded.

"She was supposed to keep her mouth shut about it!" James said, continuing to glare at Lily.

"Well, I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut about things." She crossed her arms and met James's gaze. "You all go out of your way to cover for Sirius when he does things like this, and maybe it's time that changes."

"The fuck are you trying to say, Evans?" Sirius stood up, reaching for his wand. The pounding of his heart was deafening, and he could just make out James telling him to sit down, but he had no intention of doing so.

"I'm saying your friends can only do this for so long, before it becomes too much to ask. Eventually you're going to have to be held accountable for your actions and stop acting like a bloody child, because it's only a matter of time before your actions get you into serious trouble."

"Evans," Sirius began, his voice low and dangerous. "If you don't want to be friends with me, if it's too much to bloody ask, then don't. Just continue to shag Prongs and go about your business, and feel free to ignore me. While the rest of us are playing Exploding Snap or doing homework or getting drunk, you and Macdonald can talk about what a childish tosser I am. If that's how you feel, if that's what you want, then that's fine, but stop being a meddling bitch and get the fuck out of my room, because I'm not in the bloody mood to be lectured and shouted at." He turned to James and raised his eyebrows. "Now are you going to fix my hand or not?"

Lily stared at him in stunned silence, her mouth slightly open. She turned to James as though expecting him to defend her, but he moved to stand between Sirius and Lily, reaching out to take her hand.

"Evans, I know you're just saying this because you care, but Sirius is family, and I'm not going to stop looking out for him just because things get a bit messy. There's never going to be a point where it's too much to ask, because we're family and this is what we do. I can't force you to go along with that or agree, but I'm not going to change my mind, so trying to argue about it is just a waste of time. Now don't talk for a few minutes so I can try to fix Padfoot's stupid bloody hand."
Lily gaped at him for a moment, her eyes filling with tears before she whirled and ran out of the dormitory. James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, then gestured for Sirius to sit down on the bed. He sat beside him and peered at the injured hand, then took out his wand and began making slow, deliberate movements over the bruised skin.

"Shit, Prongs," Sirius said. "Did you just have your first fight with Evans about me, of all things?"

"I have a feeling the fight's not over," James said with a sigh of resignation. "She's bound to shout at me a bit more. But she may as well learn now that we're a package deal. If she wants to be with me, she's going to have to put up with you, even if you do punch things and throw knickers and vibrators into the common room. Now quit talking, I can't think. And keep your hand still."

"I'm trying, but as you might imagine, it fucking hurts," Sirius said, gritting his teeth as James moved his wand over one of the knuckles and he felt the bone begin to form back together.

"Well, you should've thought of that before you punched solid stone," James said, examining his work and frowning.

"How many fucking times do I have to tell you, there's no thought involved in punching, you just sort of do it," Sirius said, exasperated.

"Well, I dunno, maybe you should punch less and think more," James said.

Sirius fell silent for a moment, reflecting on James's words. We're a package deal. He would never admit out loud how deep Lily's words had cut, because she had somehow seen through to the root of his insecurities and unearthed them for the world to hear in a few pointed, concise sentences. Was it only a matter of time before his antics became too much? Where was the limit? But for now at least, James had reassured him, and that combined with the knowledge that his hand would soon be healed, Sirius felt a sense of relief as a small smile spread across his face.

"Thanks, Prongs," he said. The words felt insufficient to convey all the facets of meaning, all the things he was thanking him for. Sirius wanted to thank him for knowing enough to wait a while before coming upstairs to talk to him, for considering him family when his actual blood wanted nothing to do with him, for defending him and risking a fight with Lily, and for fixing his stupid bloody hand even though it was, in James's words, really fucked. But the two of them had always had a way of communicating without needing to speak, and Sirius knew that somehow James could glean all of that from the two simple words, so he left it at that.

James grinned. "You're welcome. Now shut up. How would you feel if you could never have a proper wank again because you wouldn't stop talking and I healed your hand wrong?"

James left the dormitory a short while later, once he had returned Sirius's hand to its former, functional state. He descended the stairs, hoping to find Lily seated in front of the fire, but even before he saw her empty chair he knew she wouldn't be there. A sick, heavy feeling weighed on his mind as he flashed an apologetic look at Peter and Remus before hurrying past them and out into the corridor. He didn't remember to grab the Map, but he found he didn't need it, because once again he knew where he would find her.

When he stepped through the door of the Head Office, he found Lily just as he imagined he would. She was seated at the table with her arms crossed, and her red, puffy eyes revealed that she had been crying. Her tears were dry now, and her eyes contained nothing but anger. She didn't look up at him when he came in, but continued to glare down at a spot on the table.

"Am I okay to sit down, or are you planning to hex me?" James asked, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"Depends on whether or not you're going to be an arsehole," Lily said, an icy note in her voice. She still refused to look at him, which James took as a bad sign.

"I'll try my best not to be an arsehole, but, well, it's me, so I can't make any promises."

He grinned and sat down across from her. She finally looked up at him, but she didn't return his smile, instead meeting his gaze with chilly indifference.

"I hate this," he admitted, and his smile faltered when he reached for her hand and she pulled away. "I hate that we're fighting. I hate that you're angry with me."

"Well, I hate that your best mate called me a meddling bitch and you didn't say a word to defend me," she shot back.

Her eyes flashed with anger, but James could see the hurt hidden underneath, and he felt the urge to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. He resisted and instead took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.

"He shouldn't have said that. He was out of line," he said, choosing each word with care. "But you were also out of line for what you said."

"What I said was true," she protested.

"I didn't say it wasn't true," James said. He kept his tone calm and even, determined to keep the conversation from escalating into a shouting match. "But even if it's true, that doesn't mean you necessarily need to say it, especially not now when he's fucking falling apart."

"Maybe that hard truth is exactly what he needs to hear right now," Lily insisted. "Maybe hearing that is what's going to get him to pull it together and stop acting like a maniac."

"That's a bit harsh," James said. "How would you feel if we split up and you woke up to find I'd returned all your stuff and everything you'd ever given me?"

"Are you threatening to break up with me?" Lily demanded, and her words sent a jolt of panic through James.

"No, of course not! I'm just saying, try to imagine how he's feeling. He's devastated, and you shouting at him doesn't help."

"Well if he's so upset, why doesn't he just tell Mary he wants to be with her instead of going around breaking things and shagging Stacy Tremblay?"

James sighed. "Because it's Sirius," he said patiently. "When have you ever known him to use common sense about this sort of thing? He doesn't know how to tell Mary how he feels."

"Well, the way he's acting seems pretty counterproductive," Lily snapped. "Of course she went running to Eddie when Sirius started behaving like a madman."

"So it's all Padfoot's fault?" James demanded. He could hear the irritation growing in his voice, but he could see no point in repressing it. After all the strain of the last few days, it felt good to let out some of his frustration. "He makes one mistake, so the obvious solution is for Mary to shag the next person who comes along?"

"One mistake?" Lily repeated, incredulous. "Shagging Stacy was one mistake? He either needs to figure it out or accept the fact that they're not together, because this is getting ridiculous. I mean, he's completely out of control. I keep thinking, what if something had gone really wrong during full moon? It's not fair to Remus. He'd never forgive himself." She shook her head, and James saw her face crease with worry.

"But it all turned out fine," he said, frowning and running a hand through his hair again.

His stubborn loyalty to Sirius conflicted with his grudging agreement with Lily's concerns, because hadn't he entertained the same thoughts as he remembered the sharp terror of watching the wolf lash out at Sirius? Hadn't his worries about what might have been driven him to confess the incident to Lily? Yet he had been brushing off Sirius's reckless and occasionally dangerous behavior for as long as they had been friends, and more often than not, James encouraged or even joined in whatever Sirius was up to. Perhaps most importantly, he knew that trying to tell Sirius what to do was not only a colossal waste of time, but a terrible idea.

"But that's not the point!" Lily said, startling James from his thoughts. "One of you could have been really hurt. Honestly, I'm surprised nothing like that has happened before."

James felt the color drain from his face, and he tried to adopt a casual expression, but he knew Lily would see right through him.

"Something like that has happened before," she observed, correctly interpreting his silence. "What happened?"

James hesitated. "We don't talk about it. We've pretty much been pretending it never happened for the past two years."

"Well, it did happen, and you may as well tell me about it. You're always banging on about how I'm one of you lot now, and I know all your other big secrets, so don't give me that rubbish about how you don't talk about it. What happened, James?"

She crossed her arms and fixed him with a piercing gaze, and he felt his resolve crumbling under the force of those green eyes. What was the point of keeping this from her, when she knew everything else, and she had proven she could handle their most intimate secrets without so much as batting an eye?

"All right," he said, heaving a sigh. "But you can't bring it up, especially to Remus, all right?" After she nodded in agreement, he took a deep breath and continued. "Right, so it happened during fifth year. Orion and Walburga were furious at Sirius about something - I can't remember what it was, but they'd sent him a Howler, and then he got in a huge fight with his brother about it. It was just a bloody awful day."

"I remember that," Lily said, her eyes wide. "Merlin, that Howler was awful. Usually it's kind of funny when somebody gets one, but I just remember feeling bad for him. And that was back when I thought you were both obnoxious tossers, but nobody deserves that. And he fought with Regulus, too?"

James nodded, grimacing at the memory. "Yeah, he basically told him Orion and Walburga were right, and he should give in and do what they wanted and stop being such a rubbish son. You know, the usual. So as you can imagine, he was in a right fucking state. And later that day he ended up running into Snape, and I don't know exactly how it all happened, I wasn't there, but…"

His voice trailed off as he shook his head, frustrated all over again, because he still believed if he had just been there he could have put a stop to the whole thing.

"He was really angry and wasn't thinking, and Snape was being, well, you know. So he told Snape how to get into the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack, and said to go down it later that night if he wanted to find out what Remus got up to."

Even speaking the words aloud felt wrong, and James ran a hand through his hair, waiting to see horror and disgust on Lily's face while simultaneously hoping he was somehow wrong, that she would not react this way and would consider the incident just like any other mistake to move past.

"Fucking hell," Lily breathed, and James detected neither disgust nor horror, but pure shock. "He told me about it. He told me, and I told him he was delusional, that he was just obsessed with the whole thing, with getting you in trouble, and the whole time…" She gaped at James and shook her head in disbelief. "He could've been killed or bitten, and Remus would've had to live with that."

James had a vivid memory of the hurt and betrayal and absolute fury in Remus's eyes when he found out what Sirius had done. It was the sort of thing he couldn't forget, no matter how much he wanted to.

"I know," he said darkly. "It could've been really fucking bad. Which is why I stopped him. Sirius was furious, but what else was I supposed to do?" He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging on the strands until his eyes watered. "It was the only time we've ever argued, a proper argument, I mean. He, er, tried to punch me, actually."

"What?" Lily spluttered. "He tried to-"

"Punch me, yeah," James finished. "Peter stepped in to stop him, it was a complete fiasco. But Remus was the angriest out of any of us. I've never seen him that angry. It was scary. I was honestly afraid he'd never speak to Sirius again, but it all worked out fine in the end."

Lily didn't speak for a moment. She continued to stare at James, but he knew she wasn't even seeing him. She was looking past him, sorting through everything in her mind.

"He should've been expelled," she said finally, shattering the silence. "Endangering another student's life like that, not to mention putting Remus at risk and revealing his secret - he absolutely should've been expelled."

James studied her face, unable to reconcile her words with the Lily Evans he knew. How could she say that, when she was always saying how much she cared for Sirius and claimed to want the best for him? One of the things he loved most about Lily was that she loved Sirius almost as much as he did. Was it really possible he could have misjudged her that badly? If he had been wrong about that, what else had he been wrong about? He felt his mind beginning to race and spin out of control, so he focused again on Lily's face and forced out semi-coherent words.

"Evans," he said, reaching for her hand for something to cling to and combat the unmoored feeling. "You can't mean that."

"I do mean it," she insisted. Her voice was hard and brittle, and her face lacked its usual warmth. For a moment, James hardly recognized her. "How could you not agree with me?"

"Because Sirius is my brother," James said, struggling to gather his feelings into a response. He still couldn't quite believe they could disagree on something this big, this divisive. "He's my brother, and he made a mistake."

"And Remus is your friend, and he almost had to live with devastating consequences because Sirius made a mistake. And yeah, Snape is shit as far as friends go, as far as humans go, really, but he doesn't deserve to go through what Remus goes through every month." Her eyes bore into his as she shook her head. "Nobody deserves that."

"But he doesn't have to," James argued. "He wasn't bitten. I stopped him in time."
"What, so I'm supposed to applaud you as a hero-"

"I never asked you to do that," James interrupted. From a distance he heard the volume of his voice rising to a shout, but he was too upset to do more than acknowledge it with vague interest. "All I'm saying is, what's the point of getting upset about it when nothing bad happened?"

"So Sirius is off the hook because nothing bad happened?" she repeated, eyes flashing. "Nothing bad happened because you had enough sense to put a stop to it, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be held accountable for his actions."

"So you think he should've been thrown out of school?" James demanded. "You really think he should've been expelled for a stupid mistake he made when he was angry and wasn't thinking straight? You should've seen how fucking bad he felt afterwards - he still regrets it!"

"That's what scares me," Lily said, and James could hear the fear in her voice even though it had fallen to an urgent whisper. "He doesn't think before he does these things, and someday it's going to get him into trouble. And I don't just mean detention or losing points for Gryffindor."

"What do you mean, exactly?" James felt certain he did not want to hear her answer, but he plowed on anyway, even more afraid to leave the question unasked. "What, are you saying he'll end up in Azkaban or something?"

The question sounded absurd, and he waited for her to laugh and dismiss the suggestion as ridiculous, but instead she shrugged, her expression grim.

"Maybe," she said, a defensive note in her voice. "Sooner or later, this sort of reckless behavior is going to catch up to him, and I don't have a good feeling about it."
"Bloody hell, Evans, how can you say that?" James's eyes begged Lily to take the words back, to assure him that of course she didn't mean any of this, but she stared back at him, unrelenting. "How can you stand there and claim to be his friend, yet say these horrible things behind his back?" At some point he had stood up, and he looked down, surprised to find himself on his feet.

"Don't shout at me, James," Lily snapped, although he could hear her voice rising, too. "I'm just saying, you can't spend the rest of your life watching him, trying to anticipate the next thing he's going to do-"

"And why the hell can't I try?" If anything, James was now shouting even louder, but he was no longer capable of controlling his volume. "That's what friends do, Evans. That's what family does. If he fucks up, he fucks up, but I'm not going to just bloody abandon him because you think his behavior is inexcusable."

"I never suggested you should abandon him," Lily shot back indignantly.

"You implied it," James argued. "And if you can't accept Sirius as he is, if you can't come to terms with the fact that I'm always going to look out for him no matter what, then…" His voice broke, and he couldn't bring himself to finish the thought.

"What?" she insisted. "Then you don't want to be with me? Is that what you were going to say?" She pushed back from the table and hurried towards the door. "I'm not going to sit here and listen while you shout and threaten to break up with me."

"Evans, wait!" James stumbled out of his chair and followed after her, tripping over his own feet in his haste.

"You're still shouting!" she called over her shoulder before rounding a corner and disappearing.

"Hold up!" James said, quickening his pace and marveling at her speed. "I didn't mean that, just stop and listen to me for a second!"

"I've listened to you enough," she said as she hurtled up a staircase. "Just leave me alone for a bit. I need to think."

I need to think. The words filled him with foreboding, because nothing good could come of thinking about any part of their conversation. Swallowing back a wave of panic, he made his legs move even faster until he was jogging after her. It felt a bit pathetic, like something the old James Potter would have done, but he was too desperate to talk to her to feel self-conscious.

"Please, just talk to me," he begged, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

"James, if you don't shut up I'm going to hex you," she said, whirling around to glare at him with her hand resting on the handle of her wand. "I just need some time to sit and think, without anyone shouting at me or throwing things or bothering me, okay?"

He should back off and leave her alone. He knew from past experience that when Lily Evans threatened to hex you, you were about thirty seconds away from accelerated toenail growth or an unwanted pair of antlers. This prior knowledge was supported by the warning glint in her green eyes, yet James found himself unable to just let her walk away.

"But I didn't mean what I said," he said, his heart pounding. He had to get through to her, had to make her listen. "I just-"

"Silencio," Lily said, pointing her wand at James's throat and nodding in satisfaction before turning around and resuming her path towards the common room.

James swore, except the spell had rendered him mute, so his lips only formed the word without producing any sound. He tore off after Lily, pulling his wand from his pocket and using a nonverbal spell to restore his speaking ability.

"Evans, wait!" he called again, prompting her to shoot him a rude hand gesture before sending another Silencing Spell in his direction.

By the time they reached the common room, James had just reversed her fifth attempt to shut him up, but he only succeeded in calling her name before she brushed past everyone and stomped up the stairs to the girls' dormitory. James watched her go before sinking down into his chair and resting his head in his hands.

"You all right, Prongs?" Peter asked, a concerned expression creasing his features.

"Great," James said with a sigh. He ran a hand through his hair and resisted the urge to get his broom and attempt to get Lily to talk to him through the window, because not only was he certain she would have none of it, he was half afraid she'd try to knock him off his broom if she got angry enough. "Just bloody great."

"What are the chances she's about to chuck a bunch of your things down here?" Remus asked with a wry smile. "Just want to prepare myself in case I have to duck."

"I think you're okay, Moony," James said. "If I see anything flying in your direction, I'll dive in front of it and spare you." He shook his head and slumped down further in his seat. "Why am I the world's biggest idiot?"

"I think you're being too hard on yourself," said Peter fairly. "You didn't throw your own Led Zeppelin album against the wall or punch a chair. Compared to Padfoot, you're doing great." He raised his eyebrows. "What was the argument about?"

James sighed. "Padfoot."

He filled them in on what had happened up in the dormitory and gave them an abridged version of his conversation with Lily in the Head Office, leaving out their discussion of The Incident and substituting vague, generic references to Sirius's reckless actions over the past couple of years. When he finished and fell silent, staring into the fire as he contemplated how to proceed, Remus and Peter looked at each other and shrugged.

"I think she'll be fine in about twenty minutes," Remus said. "When she's cooled down a bit, she'll come down and want to make up."

"It's just been one of those days, hasn't it?" Peter added. "And it's only, what, lunch time?"

Before anyone could reply, Mary strolled over to them and set down her bag before taking a seat in an empty chair. The cheerful smile on her face turned to a puzzled frown as her eyes fell on the pile of belongings on the floor that were not quite hidden by one of Remus's blankets.

"Why are my pants down in the common room?" she asked, pointing to the bright pink knickers peeking out from under the blanket. "I assume this is Black's doing?"

Remus, James, and Peter exchanged a look before James replied, "He, er, wasn't pleased when he saw you'd given back all his stuff."

"Ooh, are you telling her how Black went absolutely mad and started throwing things?" Kath chimed in as she passed their cluster of chairs on her way to lunch. "I hope you two get back together, but it has been a very entertaining break up." She reached into her bag and emerged with a copy of Witch Weekly. "This landed by my chair so I read the article about the new Keeper for Puddlemere United, but I wouldn't waste your time. It was just a bunch of rubbish about his wand length and whether or not he's dating the Seeker for the Harpies, nothing at all about his actual Quidditch abilities." She rolled her eyes and tossed the magazine down onto Mary's lap. "Anyway, see you later."

Mary looked down at the magazine with a bemused look on her face before turning to James. "He threw all my things down here, didn't he?"

"Well, to be fair, first he threw some of his own things," James pointed out. "That was a bit cold, returning the gifts he gave you. Was that really necessary?"
Mary shrugged. "About as necessary as shagging Tremblay and punching Eddie Edgecombe before calling me a tart in front of the entire common room," she said, bending to begin gathering up her things. "I thought he might want those gifts back. The jacket might look nice on Stacy if he ever takes her for a ride on his motorbike."

James detected a slight quaver in her voice, but she continued shoving undergarments into her bag with a businesslike briskness that hid her true feelings.

"Er, don't forget to tell her about the other thing under the chair," Peter said, casting a furtive glance at the Witch Weekly magazine under Mary's chair that had been hastily tossed on top of the item Lily had been most eager to hide.

"What other thing-" Mary began, lifting up the magazine to peer underneath before dropping it again and rolling her eyes. "Bloody hell, what an immature arsehole. I'd like to go upstairs and give him a piece of my mind, then throw this in his stupid fucking face."

"Merlin, please don't," James said, his eyes widening. "It wasn't easy fixing his hand, and I don't much fancy doing it all over again."

"What's wrong with his hand?" she asked, frowning.

"Nothing now, but it wasn't exactly pretty after he punched the wall and the arm of that chair," he said, shaking his head in exasperation. "But never mind him, I need you to go check on Evans and assess how much she hates me."

"Why would she hate you?" Mary twirled a curl around her finger and sighed. "You know what, never mind. I'll let her tell me." She scooped up the magazine, revealing a glimpse of bright purple between the pages before shoving everything into her bag and heaving it over her shoulder. "Be back in a bit. Merlin, I need a cigarette. And I had such a nice, relaxing, productive morning, too…" She sighed and hurried off towards the girls' staircase.

"Do you reckon one of us should go check on Padfoot?" Remus asked. "I can go, I suppose."

He made to rise from his chair, but Peter shook his head and stood.

"You stay here, Moony. I'll go. If I don't make it out alive, it was nice knowing you," he said, flashing them a nervous grin before setting off across the room and up the stairs.

Peter climbed the stairs with a faint sense of trepidation and dread, and he pushed the door open slowly, half-expecting to have to dodge a book or Butterbeer bottle or whatever else Sirius could get his hands on. After a moment's hesitation, however, he deemed it safe to enter, and he stepped through into the dim, silent dormitory. One of Remus's extra blankets had been tacked in front of the window to keep out the sunshine that clashed with Sirius's dark mood. At first Peter thought the room was empty except for the lingering odor of cigarette smoke, but as his eyes adjusted to the dark interior, he spotted Sirius curled up on his bed. He took up less space in his dog form, and Peter always marveled at those rare moments of quiet stillness when he wasn't barking or racing around or thumping his tail against the floor.

"Hello, Padfoot," he said, taking a seat on the edge of James's bed.

Sirius lifted his head off the bed and eyed Peter for a moment before settling back down again and heaving a loud sigh. The two of them sat in silence for a minute as Peter stared down at the floor, trying to figure out what to say. Even though they had been friends for years, Peter occasionally felt ill-at-ease when he was alone with Sirius. He found himself scrambling for words and second guessing himself, which he supposed was a holdover from the years of desperately trying to impress Sirius in order to keep his tenuous feeling of belonging in the group. Even now he had brief moments of panic after saying the wrong thing, because Sirius had a low tolerance for what he called typical Wormtail idiocy, and he would not hesitate to point out examples of such statements. Tonight, however, Sirius's silence was encouraging rather than intimidating, and Peter felt himself relax as the words came to him.

"I do it sometimes, too," he said, looking across at Sirius.

The shaggy fur rose and fell in time with Sirius's steady breathing, but other than that he didn't move.

"I transform when I don't want to deal with things, I mean," Peter continued, thinking of the feeling of quiet freedom and escape as he wandered the deserted corridors, safe and hidden in his rat form. "If I can't stop thinking about something and it gets to be too much, I'll transform and just sort of wander around the castle. Things don't feel as complicated when you're in Animagus form, you know?"

He stopped fiddling with the sleeve of his sweatshirt and watched Sirius thump his tail once against the duvet, which he took as a good sign.

"I wonder if Prongs ever does it," he mused, imagining James racing through the Forbidden Forest as a stag, trying to outrun his problems. "He must, right? All those times he goes out for a run, I bet once in a while he'll transform if he's having a bad day or trouble with Evans or whatever. He's always saying how running is better as a stag, isn't he?"

He fell silent again, mulling this over, then grinned as a thought occurred to him. "Bloody hell, do you think Minnie does it?" Sirius thumped his tail several times in response, so Peter went on, "Probably not often, but maybe if she's had a day from hell and she's had to dock points and give out detentions and class didn't go as planned, and Dumbledore made all the teachers sit through a boring staff meeting that really could've just been a memo posted in the staff room, right? And then she's about to go to dinner and she walks in and sees you and Prongs, I dunno, flying around the Great Hall passing a Quaffle back and forth, or standing on the Gryffindor table singing, or throwing food at the Slytherins and blaming Bertram Aubrey. And she just throws her hands in the air and walks out, and she walks all the way to her office where she transforms and curls up and does cat things until she stops questioning her sanity for wanting to become a teacher."

Sirius thumped his tail against the bed again, then picked up his head and let his tongue hang out. When he did this, Peter always thought it looked like he was laughing, although he had never voiced this thought aloud for fear of sounding stupid. Encouraged by Sirius's amusement, he gathered his courage to broach the subject he had been working up to for the past few minutes.

"What you said earlier, about me being friends with Mary," he began, but his words were cut off when Sirius gave a loud bark. He grinned, then tried again. "I didn't mean-"

Sirius barked again, then settled his head on his paws while keeping his eyes fixed on Peter. His meaning was clear, so Peter shrugged and gave up, relieved that he did not need to attempt an apology that was bound to be stilted and awkward. He thought about the loneliness and regret he had heard in Mary's voice last night after the marijuana and frank conversation had broken down her usual walls, and he opened his mouth to tell Sirius, but reconsidered at the last second. Somehow he didn't think Sirius would want to hear about Mary, not now when he had regained some semblance of contentment.

He considered returning to his armchair downstairs, but he found he had no desire to leave the comfortable silence for the crowded chatter of the common room and James's frenetic nervousness as he waited for Lily to let him speak long enough to accept his apology. Instead, he looked over at Sirius and asked, "Do you mind if I stay in here for a little while?"

Sirius shifted his position, curling up into a tighter ball to leave more space on the bed. Peter eyed Sirius's bed for a moment, feeling oddly shy, before transforming into his Animagus form and climbing up the side of the bed to settle on the duvet. The rat and the dog lay there together in the semi-darkness, each lost in his own thoughts. As they enjoyed the temporary reprieve from their difficult, complex emotions, the unacknowledged but unavoidable truth hung between them: they could remain in animal form to avoid their human problems as long as they wanted, but the moment they changed back, those problems would be there waiting for them.

When Lily reached her dormitory she had thrown herself down onto her bed to soak her pillow in hot tears of fury, but the thought of James's distraught face cooled her anger. By the time Mary stepped into the room and took a seat on the edge of her bed, Lily was considering whether it was too soon to rush down the stairs to hug James and apologize.

"What's going on?" Mary asked, pulling the wad of her belongings from her bag and tossing them onto her bed. "I go to the library and come back to find my bras and pants all over the common room and you and James in a fight. I think this is a sign I should just stop doing my homework."

A reluctant smile spread across Lily's face. "We got into an argument about, well, basically about what an idiot Sirius is."

Mary raised her eyebrows. "Don't see what there is to argue about. I think right about now even James would agree that he's an idiot."

"The whole thing seems really stupid now," Lily said with a sigh. "But it scared me. I hate fighting with him. And it made me think, you know, what if he got so angry with me that we never made up, and we ended up splitting up like…"

Her voice trailed off, and she gave a vague shrug as though her comment did not refer to anyone in particular, but Mary saw right through this.

"Splitting up like me and Sirius, you mean?" she asked with a touch of impatience. "You can't split up if you were never really together, Lil."

"But you were," Lily insisted. She couldn't say why, but this point felt like an integral detail that was important for Mary to acknowledge. "I know you weren't technically, but you basically were a proper couple, you know? And now you're not, and everything feels all wonky." She felt tears prick her eyes, and she brushed them away, determined not to cry again.

"Lily, are you upset about your fight with James, or that Sirius and I aren't together?" Mary asked, pushing a stray curl out of her face and looking at her with a bemused expression.

"Both, I suppose," Lily said, shaking her head. "I dunno, it all feels like it's tied together. I think if you just talked to him-"

"Why don't you start by talking to James, and don't worry about me and Sirius, yeah?" Mary said, holding up a hand to fend off any further arguments.

Lily bit her lip. "Did you talk to him? Did he seem like he still wanted to talk to me, or do you think he thought it over and got angry again?"

"He looked like he wanted to cry, to be honest," Mary said. "Absolutely miserable. He's mad about you, of course he wants to talk to you."

Lily hesitated. "Should I wait a bit before I go down there? It feels a bit pathetic, our first fight and it takes me, what, fifteen minutes to come crawling back to apologize?"

Mary shrugged. "We can stay up here if you like." She picked up the Witch Weekly magazine Kath had borrowed. "Do you want to read this? There's an article about a very attractive Quidditch bloke, Kath said the actual article is a waste of time but I think there's a very nice picture in there of him with his shirt off-"

"Sod this, I'm going down to talk to him," Lily said, getting to her feet and heading for the door. "You coming?"

Mary grinned and put down the magazine. "Yeah, I think I'll go back to the library before I meet Edgcombe. There's not much else to do, is there? I assume you'll spend the rest of the day shagging James to make up for the 20 minutes you weren't speaking."

"Shut up," Lily said, smiling in spite of herself and setting off down the stairs with Mary close behind her.

When she reached the common room, Mary gave them a wave before continuing on through the portrait hole. Lily approached James's chair, her face drawn into a hesitant, sheepish expression. He sat slumped to one side, tossing a crumpled piece of parchment into the air, but he let it fall to the floor when he saw her approach. His face lit up and his hand tightened on the arm of the chair as she came to a stop in front of him. She could see him forcibly resisting the urge to spring out of his seat and take her hands as an impassioned apology tumbled out of his mouth, and it took every ounce of self-restraint she possessed not to fling her arms around him and kiss away that look of desperation on his face.
"Will you take a walk with me?" she asked, fighting to keep her tone neutral. "So we can talk?"

James scrambled to his feet before she finished asking the question, and he followed her out of the portrait hole and down the corridor. Neither of them spoke for a moment as they passed portraits and a suit of armor, then descended the same set of stairs they had just raced up not 30 minutes ago. She glanced sideways at him, trying to form the right words, when he broke the silence.

"Evans," he began, reaching for her hand before thinking better of it and letting it fall back to his side.

"Wait," she said, holding up a hand to silence him.

"Sorry," he said with a grimace. "I'll be quiet this time. You don't have to do a Silencing Spell."

She shook her head. "No, I wasn't going to. I just wanted to say…" She reached over and laced her fingers through his, taking comfort from the warmth of his hand. "I'm sorry."

"I'm the one that should be sorry," James said, his expression so earnest that Lily could hardly stand it. "I never should have threatened to, well, you know." He seemed to be afraid to even speak the words aloud. "That's the last thing - but wait, I'm sorry, I told you I'd shut up and let you talk."

She shook her head. "It's okay, go on. Breaking up with me is the last thing you want?"

His eyes widened. "I would never. I, well, this is a huge bloody understatement, but I really like you, if you haven't figured that out already."

She raised her eyebrows. "Even though I'm a meddling bitch?"

He grinned. "He could've phrased that better, but we both know you meddle because you care. Sometimes Sirius needs to hear things that even I'm not going to tell him, so it's lucky that you're around to tell him he's being a huge tosser." He ran a hand through his hair and tilted his head to look at her. "It just scared me a bit, the things you were saying, because I know he's not the easiest person to be friends with sometimes, and I got worried that you'd changed your mind about him."

Lily reached over to adjust James's glasses, enjoying the casual familiarity of the gesture. A few months ago she would never have been bold enough to do something like that, yet now they had grown accustomed to these little gestures: the gentle warmth of his hand on her waist as they fell asleep, the rake of her fingers through his hair as she imitated his habit, the sly slip of her hand into his pocket as they patrolled the corridors together. She loved how comfortable they were with each other, and the thought of losing that terrified her. Her convictions earlier had been so strong, yet she couldn't summon any of her previous passion and indignance. All she could concentrate on now was the growing desire to feel James's arms around her.

"I love Sirius," she said, meeting James's eyes. "I just worry about him, that's all. Sometimes he does things that make me nervous, because I know deep down he means well, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. But Merlin, I'm glad he wasn't expelled. I'd miss him too much." She gave his hand a light squeeze and smiled. "You'd miss him too much."

He smiled back at her, and his relief was palpable. "You're not wrong," he said. "Imagine a common room party without Padfoot dancing on the table, shirtless in his cowboy hat singing 'Dancing Queen' at the top of his lungs?"

"You could hardly call it a party without him," Lily agreed.

They had drawn to a stop in front of the Head Office, and without saying a word, James opened the door and gestured for Lily to go in. He followed after her and shut the door behind them, then stood watching her, his hand still clasping hers.

"Evans?" he asked, barely containing the emotion in his voice. "Are we good?"

She nodded. She sensed that they had not fully solved the issue, and she had a suspicion that there was no solving the enigma that was Sirius Black, but for now, they had made it through their first fight, and that was good enough for her. "We're good," she murmured. "Come here, you idiot."

She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face against his chest, breathing in his familiar scent and savoring the closeness of their bodies. He kissed the top of her head and held her close, and they stayed like that for a while, neither one of them eager to pull away.

"I don't want to fight anymore," she admitted, her head still resting against his chest. "I hated it."

"Me too," he agreed, his breath tickling her ear. "Let's agree to never fight again. But since this fight already happened, we may as well make the best of it." His hand trailed down her waist to toy with the waistband of her trousers.

"What does that mean?" she murmured, tilting her head up to kiss his neck.

"Well, I'm just saying, makeup sex is a thing people do after they've had a fight, and we've just had a fight, so…"

She didn't answer, but pressed her lips against his and pressed her body closer to his.

Remus tucked the blanket more tightly around himself, trying to decide whether he wanted to start his homework or let himself doze for a few minutes. Before he came to a decision he looked up to see Seven entering the common room, carrying a bulging book bag and wearing an oversized jumper. Upon further inspection, he realized it was one of his jumpers, and he smiled as he noticed her small hands peeking out beneath the rolled up sleeves.

"Nice jumper," he said after she bent to kiss him. "It looks good on you."

"Yes, you said the same thing last night," she said, leaning against the arm of his chair. "Don't you remember insisting that I borrow it?"

Remus tried to sift through the haze of exhaustion that made up his memories from the past two days. "That sounds like something I'd do," he said, shrugging, then glanced at her bag. "Have you been in the library? You missed all the commotion."

"I wanted to at least get my Potions homework done, in case you distracted me," she said, flashing him a mischievous smile. "Wait, what do you mean I missed the commotion?"

He shook his head and sighed. "Long story."

"Well, do you want to go to the reading spot and you can tell me about it?" she asked. "Unless you're waiting for your friends." She raised her eyebrows and glanced at the empty chairs surrounding Remus.

"Nah, they're all dealing with the fallout of the commotion," he said, throwing off his blanket and getting to his feet, trying not to wince as his sore legs protested after being in the same position for so long.

She took his hand as they strolled through the corridor, and he filled her in on the morning's events. By the time they reached the reading spot, she was doubled over with laughter as Remus described the expression of complete mortification on Lily's face as she had used her toe to nudge the vibrator under the chair.

"Merlin, I shouldn't be laughing this much," she said, pushing aside the tapestry and plopping down on the pile of pillows. "Not when they're both having such a tough time. It's just so funny." She reclined back against the pillows, then curled up against Remus as he sat down beside her. "Is Sirius all right?"

Remus shrugged. "I mean, no, not really. He punched the wall and James had to heal his hand, and I assume by now he's drunk, chain smoking, and laying on his bed staring at the ceiling." He wrapped his arm around Seven and sighed. "I thought they would work through this in a couple of days, but that's clearly not happening. I suppose we should try to do something to take his mind off it all, but I have no idea how to do that besides getting drunk, and he obviously doesn't need our help to do that."
Seven toyed with the end of her braid as she considered this. "You'll figure it out," she said after a moment. "You always do. And I'll try to think of something, too." She frowned and looked up at him. "I just don't get it. It's so silly that they can't work it out, when Sirius is so upset about it, and Mary seems so sad, too. You noticed that last night, didn't you?"

Remus tried to recall his interaction with Mary the previous evening, but all he remembered was the scent of marijuana that clung to her clothes and the loose, detached look on her face as she lay sprawled in front of the fire with Peter.

"I didn't notice much of anything last night," he admitted. "I was, well, I was a bit out of it. Did she look sad?"

She nodded. "Yeah, at one point I thought she might be about to cry. But I guess it's no wonder you didn't notice, seeing as you were barely awake." She draped her leg over his and tilted her head up to kiss his cheek. "How long does it usually take before you feel like yourself again? Because I can tell you're feeling better today, but you're still not all the way better, you know?"

"I'll be fine by tomorrow afternoon," he assured her. "I mean, I'm fine now, but I'll be fully functional by tomorrow afternoon."

He still couldn't quite believe they were talking about his condition like this, acknowledging it without ever speaking the word aloud. Panic and self-loathing should be paralyzing him, and yet there was something about their tacit understanding that felt safe. He could discuss his fatigue and blinding headaches and allow Seven to read to him and kiss his forehead in the hospital wing, as long as he never had to speak the word werewolf in her presence.

"Thanks for being so understanding about all of this," he said, and the words felt inadequate as soon as they left his mouth. Understanding didn't quite convey his meaning, but what word would be a suitable substitute? Accepting? Flexible? Kind? Nothing felt strong enough to capture the powerful relief and gratitude he had felt when Seven sat down beside him in his hospital bed.

"You don't have to thank me," she murmured, lacing her fingers through his and running her thumb along his palm. "I'm your girlfriend, and I want to be there for you. I'm just glad that you're finally letting me."

A rush of emotion threatened to overwhelm him, and he had to swallow hard before he could trust himself to speak.

"But still, if you change your mind and decide you don't want to come visit me in the hospital wing, er, next time, I won't be upset or anything. I know it's a lot."

She smiled. "Don't be silly, of course I'm coming to visit you next time. You liked seeing me, didn't you?"

"I loved it," Remus said before he could stop himself. "It made me feel so much better. But really, you don't have to-"

"Of course I do. Expect to see me again next time." She fell silent for a moment, running the end of her braid through her fingers. "Will it be over Christmas holidays? The next time, I mean."

"Yeah, it will," Remus said, fighting to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "So it'll have to be the time after that, because you'll be home with your family."

"And you'll stay here? All by yourself?" she asked, and there was such sadness in her voice that it made Remus forget his frustration at the unfortunate timing of the full moon.

"I'll be all right," he said, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "It'll be nice and quiet, and I'll get loads of reading done."

"Maybe I should see if my parents mind if I stay," she mused. "So I can keep you company."

"No," he said firmly. "I can't ask you to do that. You should be with your family for Christmas. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

"But what about your friends," she went on. "I bet they would stay if you asked."

"That's too much to ask," Remus said, shaking his head. "I don't want to ruin Christmas for them. Merlin, James loves Christmas, you know that. And his parents love it just as much as he does. Sirius would never admit it, but I think he's sort of grown to love it, too. So I couldn't keep them away from the Potters for the holiday, that would be cruel."

He imagined the empty common room, the unoccupied chairs surrounding him as he spent lonely hours reading in front of the fire, and the eerie solitude of the Shrieking Shack as he waited to transform alone. The prospect was daunting, yet he tried to fix an optimistic smile on his face so she wouldn't worry.

"If you're sure," she said, her expression still uncertain. "Well, I'm at least going to write to you. And I'm going to get you an extra nice Christmas gift."

He grinned. "If you insist."

"That reminds me," she said, and the sadness and worry was gone from her voice. "There's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up before the holidays. Since we're not keeping this a secret any more, I thought you might want to go together?"

Remus felt his grin widen as he imagined walking hand-in-hand with Seven down the snowy village streets, smiling at each other over their Butterbeers at the Three Broomsticks and sharing a chocolate bar outside of Honeydukes. Even if he did have to spend Christmas day alone in the Shrieking Shack, inflicting wounds on himself as he fought to escape the confines of the room, the thought felt less devastating now that he had a Hogsmeade date with Seven to look forward to.

"That sounds perfect," he said, pulling her closer to him. "We can do our Christmas shopping. But you'll have to close your eyes when I buy your gift, because I don't want to spoil the surprise."

She giggled and rested a hand on his chest, tracing her finger over the buttons of his cardigan. "Okay, then you have to do the same. Probably several times, actually, since I'm getting you an extra nice gift." She reached out a hand and groped around until she found her bag, then pulled out a book. "Should I read, since I don't think you have the energy for anything more strenuous?"

He kissed her, tracing his fingers along the hint of exposed skin where the jumper had ridden up and enjoying her slight shiver in response."Start with reading, and then we'll see what happens."

"Maybe I should just wait until tomorrow."

Lily stood at the bottom of the staircase that led to the boys' dormitory, reluctant to attempt to talk to Sirius after their argument. She cast a longing glance at the empty chairs by the fire before looking back at James.

"Don't be silly, Evans," James said. "You're going to talk to him now, and it's going to be fine."

The warmth of his hand around hers and the casual confidence of his grin reassured her, and she nodded before setting off up the stairs. When they reached the dormitory, she hesitated before giving the door several light raps.

"Why're you knocking?" James asked, chuckling.

"Shut up," Lily whispered.

At first there was no response, but then a loud bark reached their ears. Rolling his eyes, James opened the door and stepped through, giving Lily's hand a gentle tug when she still lingered in the doorway. The scent of cigarette smoke still hung in the air as she approached the bed where the dog and rat both lay curled on the duvet, peering up at her through the darkness.

"Merlin, Peter, you're adorable," she squealed.

"Evans, I'm right here," James said, flashing her a teasing grin as he sat down on the edge of his bed. "If you want to flirt with Wormtail, at least wait until I leave the room."

"Oh, shut up," she said, rolling her eyes. "It's just that I've never seen him as a rat before. He's so cute. Look at those little ears, and the whiskers…" She reached out to stroke the velvety fur on top of his head, but thought better of it and pulled her hand back with a sheepish smile. "This might be a controversial statement, but I think you have the cutest Animagus form, Peter."

Sirius picked up his head and looked at Lily, then let out another loud bark.

"No need to be jealous," she said, laughing and giving his ears a scratch. "Yours is cute too, just not quite as cute as Peter's." She ran a hand through the thick on his back, then stopped, frowning. "Sorry, is this weird? What are the rules about petting?"

Sirius hopped down from the bed and stretched before transforming back into his human form.

"Technically, the rule is that petting is permitted as long as you have clothes on," he said as he glanced around, looking for his pack of cigarettes. "But don't think petting me is going to make me forget that you said Pete is cuter than I am."

She watched Peter scurry down the side of the bed, and a moment later the human Peter stood next to Sirius's trunk, blushing but looking pleased with himself.

"Thanks, Evans," he said, not quite meeting her eye. "I dunno how true it is, but it was nice of you to say."

"What about me?" James said, his face drawn into a petulant pout that Lily found irresistible. "She didn't say my Animagus form is cute at all."

"Well, that's because stags aren't really what you'd consider cute," she explained. "They're more, I dunno, handsome? Impressive? Majestic?" She watched a satisfied smile spread across James's face, growing wider with every word she suggested. "It's because of the antlers, I think."

"Is this the sort of rubbish you two say to each other in bed?" Sirius said. He located his cigarettes on the floor by his trunk and sat back down on his bed to light one. "'Tell me how majestic I am, Evans.' 'Ooh, James, your antlers are so impressive.'"

"Shut up," Lily said, feeling herself blush as James and Peter roared with laughter. "Of course we don't-"

"My antlers are impressive, though," James said, wrapping an arm around Lily's waist and kissing her cheek. "Come on, Wormtail. Let's go play Exploding Snap or something. If I stay up here in the dark any longer, I'm going to fall asleep."

"If you're back to teasing me about my sex life, does that mean you're not angry at me anymore?" she asked, sitting down on the bed beside Sirius once James and Peter were gone.

Sirius exhaled a long stream of smoke and shrugged. "I dunno. Does you petting me mean you're not angry at me anymore?"

She grinned and gestured at the pack of cigarettes beside him. "Aren't you going to offer me one of those?"

"Help yourself," he said, holding the pack out to her. "I thought you might be about to lecture me some more about how it's inconsiderate to smoke in here when Remus hates it so much."

She selected a cigarette from the pack and lit it, then put it to her lips and took a drag. "This room has smelled like an ashtray for the past week," she said, exhaling and feeling pleased with herself when she didn't cough at all. "I don't think one more cigarette is going to make much of a difference. Besides, smoking a cigarette when we have a heart to heart has sort of become a habit for me."

He raised his eyebrows. "Are we having a heart to heart, then?"

"It seems like we need to," she said, watching the smoke curl from the end of her cigarette and dissipate into the air. "I shouted at you that you're acting like a bloody child, and you called me a meddling bitch, and then James and I had our first real argument about all of that, so I'd say a heart to heart is in order."

He glanced sideways at her, eyes wide. "You and James had a fight? Shit, Evans, did you make him cry?"

"No, of course not," she said, rolling her eyes. She hesitated before adding, "He was pretty upset, though. He, er, followed me through the corridor trying to talk to me, but I kept Silencing him."

Sirius laughed so hard he almost dropped his cigarette. "Merlin, Evans, that's just mean. The poor bloke's madly in love with you and you torture him like that?"

"Oh, rubbish," Lily said, savoring the sound of the phrase 'madly in love with you.' "He's fine, we made up."

Sirius smirked as he dropped his cigarette butt into the empty tequila bottle. "Did you have makeup sex?"

She grinned and eyed the empty bottle. "You owe me a bottle of tequila."

"Since you're avoiding my question, I'll take that as a yes," he said. "Nice one, Evans. Please tell me it involved dirty talk about his majestic antlers."

"Bloody hell, shut up, Sirius," she said, stifling a giggle. She took a final drag on her cigarette before dropping it into the empty tequila bottle, then lowered her voice and added, "I, er, don't do that."

"What, dirty talk?" He turned to face her and fixed her with a searching look. "Really? You should have Macdonald give you some pointers, she's very good at it. Says all kinds of filthy things."

"Yeah, I know, unfortunately," she said, glaring at him.

"I'd like to say I'm sorry, but I'm really not," he said, shrugging.

His mouth turned up in a drunken, relaxed grin, but the happiness soon faded from his face.

"Don't repeat this, Evans, or I'll decorate the common room with your knickers, too, but I really fucking miss Macdonald."

"I know," she said, resting a hand on his arm. "I think she misses you too."

He didn't respond, and Lily wasn't sure he had even heard her speak. The bed creaked as he slumped back against the mattress and sighed.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you and said all of those things," she said, experiencing a pang of guilt as she recalled her harsh words. "I wasn't being a good friend, being that hard on you when you were obviously having a rough time."

"It wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done, having a go at me when I was clearly in a blind fucking fury," Sirius said with a wry smile. "But some of what you said is true. I know I was a bit…" His voice trailed off and he rubbed his temples as if speaking the thought aloud cost him physical effort. "I was a bit out of control earlier. I just really miss Macdonald and I don't know how to bloody handle that."

"You could just talk to her," Lily urged. "Tell her how you feel."

"I thought you were done lecturing me for the day," Sirius muttered, scowling.

"I'm not lecturing, I'm just giving you some advice," Lily said.

"Well, I'm all set with advice," he snapped.

They both remained silent for a moment, and Lily considered getting up to leave when Sirius spoke again.

"I'm sorry I called you a meddling bitch," he said, and his voice had softened.

"I meddle because I care," Lily said, grinning.

"Well, you must really fucking care about me, then," Sirius said.

Lily laughed and settled on her back next to him.

"I do, you prat. So does James. That's why I worry about you so much. I'm afraid you'll get yourself killed one of these days."

He looked over at her and rolled his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic, Evans. Yes, I'm a bit reckless, and worrying about me is just the price you pay to be friends with such a hilarious, charming, sexy bloke. Why do you think Moony has grey hair? He'll tell you it's the strain of transforming every month, but it's really just the stress of being friends with me."

"Does that mean I'm going to go grey soon?" she asked, chuckling.

"Probably. Don't worry, though, James will still find you attractive." He rolled over onto his side and rested his head on his arm. "When are you going to stop arsing around and tell him you love him?"

"What?" she spluttered. "I didn't- I never said-"

Sirius held up a hand. "Evans, cut the shit. I shattered my knuckles, drank half a bottle of tequila, and threw a sex toy down into the common room today. My tolerance for bullshit was used up hours ago."

She grinned and turned on her side to face him. "If I am in love with him, which I'm neither confirming nor denying, maybe I haven't told him yet because I'm afraid he doesn't feel the same way."

Sirius gaped at her in silence for a moment. "No offense, but that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," he said, shaking his head in exasperation. "You can tell he's mad about you just from the way he looks at you. It's so bloody obvious, even Eddie Edgecombe, who can't see the Quaffle to save his bloody life, could see it."

"That's funny, because it's just as obvious to me how Mary feels about you," Lily said, eyebrows raised. "Seems like you should just tell her-"

"This is sounding a lot like advice, Evans, which I already told you I wasn't in the mood for," Sirius said, meeting her gaze with a pointed look.

"What, so you're allowed to give me advice but I'm not?"

He considered this. "All right, fair point. I won't give you any more advice, but is threatening allowed? Because if you don't say I love you to James soon, I'm never speaking to you again."

She laughed. "That's an empty threat if I've ever heard one. You'd miss my corny jokes too much. And who else would you steal tequila from?"

"First of all, your jokes are awful," Sirius said, grinning. "And second, I don't need to talk to you to steal your tequila."

They both chuckled, then fell silent for a moment. Lily turned the conversation over in her head, wondering if Sirius was exaggerating about how obvious James's feelings were to everyone else.

"Thanks, Evans," Sirius said, reaching over to give her shoulder a clumsy pat. "Thanks for trying to make me be less of a drunken, idiotic tosser, even though it's a lost cause."

"You're welcome." She considered hugging him, but couldn't work out the logistics with them both sprawled out like this, so instead she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I love you, Padfoot, even if you are a drunken, idiotic tosser. Just, maybe try to be a bit more careful? Is that possible?"

He didn't answer for a moment, looking both surprised and touched by her affection.

"I'll do my best," he said finally, his face split into an earnest smile. "No promises, though."

She sighed and stood up. "That's not very encouraging, but oh well. At least if you're right, James will still want to shag me even after your idiotic decisions turn my hair gray." She nodded at the door. "Want to come, or are you staying here?"

"I'm not moving," he said, stretching out to fill the space she had left. "I wouldn't say no to a bit of dinner, though, if one of you is feeling generous enough to bring me a plate. I'm wasting away up here."

She rolled her eyes and headed for the door. "I'll see what I can do, drama queen."

She shut the door behind her and began to descend the stairs, feeling much lighter after having the conversation she had been dreading. Sirius's words about James's feelings kept replaying in her head, but she shoved them aside for the time being, deciding that she had had quite enough excitement for one day.