Monday, November 28, 1977
Sirius pushed back from the Gryffindor table and followed his friends through the crowd of Hogwarts students leaving the Great Hall after dinner. He kept one eye on Mary, walking a little ahead of them with Lily, but he frowned as she veered off in a different direction and hurried off after a group of Hufflepuffs.
"Where do you think she's going?" Sirius muttered, nudging James and nodding at Mary's retreating back.
"No idea, mate," James said with a shrug. "Why don't you ask Evans?"
"Evans, where's Macdonald going?" Sirius asked once Lily had hurried over to join them. He didn't bother to keep his tone neutral, because after the events of the previous day, he just didn't see the point.
"She didn't say," Lily said. "Library, I expect." She had her arms wrapped around James to say a very enthusiastic goodbye before he left for Quidditch practice, and she didn't seem at all concerned about Mary's destination.
"I'll see you lot later. Don't let Padfoot spend all night brooding," James said, giving Lily one last longing look before he set off across the Great Hall, waving over his shoulder.
Sirius glowered at James's parting message, but didn't comment as they made their way through the crowd of students back to the common room. I bet she's meeting bloody Edgecombe, he thought, feeling dejected at the prospect of spending the evening staring into the fire and struggling through homework while Mary snogged Eddie in some hidden corner of Hogwarts, oblivious to Sirius's misery. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear Remus speaking to him until he tapped his shoulder and repeated himself.
"I said, that's a bit odd, isn't it?" Remus said, raising his eyebrows. "Peter and Lily seem to be going to the library together a lot lately, and it's always at times when the rest of us can't or won't want to come."
Sirius looked around, surprised to find that Peter and Lily were no longer walking beside them. Had he really been so caught up thinking about Mary that he had completely missed them leaving for the library? He tried to follow what Remus was saying, but he couldn't manage to summon much interest. In fact, he couldn't manage to summon much interest in anything besides imagining what Mary might be doing. When they reached the common room, he tried to practice a spell for Defense Against the Dark Arts then switched to slogging through some Herbology reading before he threw down his quill in irritation, splattering ink across the table.
"Give me the Map, Moony," he said. He could hear the desperation in his voice, but he didn't care. "I just want to take a look, I'm not going to do anything."
Remus used his finger to mark his spot in his book and looked up, frowning. "How do you know I have the Map?" he asked.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I can see it sticking out of your pocket," he said, eying the parchment sticking out of Remus's cardigan pocket.
"Last time I let you look at the Map, I fell asleep and you punched Eddie Edgecombe," Remus pointed out, placing a protective hand over the Map.
"Well, then, don't fall asleep this time," Sirius said with a touch of irritation. "Although it shouldn't matter, because I just told you I'm not going to do anything."
Remus sighed and pulled the Map from his pocket, then glanced around before tapping it with his wand and murmuring, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He studied it for a moment, then held it out for Sirius to see, pointing at a particular area. "There she is," he said. "Down near the Hufflepuff common room. With…" He squinted at the tiny name next to Mary's.
"Adam Graham," Sirius said without bothering to glance at the Map. "I bet she needed to restock because she used up her whole stash with Eddie Edgecombe."
"Or maybe she ran out because she's sad about not being with you and being stoned helps," Remus said, letting his eyes travel over the rest of the Map. "Or maybe she's just run out because she's run out, and there's no special reason." He tapped a finger on the Map and looked back up at Sirius. "Why would Peter and Lily be in an empty classroom? They said they were going to the library, didn't they?"
Sirius gave the Map a cursory glance, then shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe they're shagging."
Remus sighed and cleared the Map before returning it to his pocket. "Of course they're not. Never mind, clearly this mystery is only of interest to me. Did you make any progress on that spell for Defense?"
Sirius shook his head and got to his feet. "I gave up. I didn't get anywhere with the Herbology reading, either. I think I'll go upstairs and see if I can think any better up there."
He shoved his things into his bag and hurried up the stairs before Remus could argue or venture any theories about what Peter and Lily might be up to. The silence of the dormitory drew him in, and he dropped his bag onto the floor and sprawled out on the bed without bothering to remove his shoes. He really should attempt to do some work, but the thought of taking books from his bag or sitting up to practice that spell felt impossibly daunting, so instead he lit a cigarette and lay staring up at the ceiling as the smoke made the air around him hazy and thick. He knew he should be glad that he had not seen Mary on the Map in some broom cupboard with Eddie, but knowing what she was actually up to gave him no sense of relief. Instead, he continued to smoke and dwell on her reasons for needing more marijuana and where she might go once she and Adam Graham concluded their business.
He couldn't say how much time had passed before he heard footsteps and looked over to see Remus standing by his bed, his features creased with concern.
"You all right?" he asked, and Sirius could tell it was taking everything in him not to comment on the cigarette smoke. "Is it any easier to think up here?"
"I dunno, I didn't bother trying," Sirius said, turning his head and exhaling a long stream of smoke away from Remus.
"Are you going to stay up here all night?" Remus asked. "We can play chess or Exploding Snap if you like. I'll take a break from homework."
"That's all right," Sirius said, shaking his head. "I'm fine up here."
Remus picked at a bit of skin by his thumbnail, eying the door but looking reluctant to leave Sirius when he was in this state. After a moment's hesitation he went to his trunk and pulled out a chocolate bar, tossing it onto Sirius's bed before crossing the room and doing something Sirius couldn't see.
"Moony, I don't need this," he said, leaving the chocolate bar where it had landed. "But can you pass me that empty tequila bottle?"
"Yeah, hang on," Remus called, and a moment later the sound of familiar guitar chords reached Sirius's ears. "You really should eat that chocolate-"
"Turn this off," Sirius snapped, wishing he could block out the sound of the song. "I mean it, Moony. Turn it the fuck off."
"Why?" Remus said, puzzled as he crossed the room to follow Sirius's instructions. "You told me this was your get your shit together song. It seemed appropriate for the circumstances."
"It is," Sirius said, and he felt some of the tension leave his body as the music died away. "Or it was. But I can't listen to it now. It reminds me of…"
His voice trailed off as he remembered the taste of firewhisky on his tongue as he and Mary stood on top of his sofa, belting out the lyrics with their arms around each other, and the scent of rain that hung in the air as they stumbled through Diagon Alley towards the tattoo parlor where they had gotten the same lyrics tattooed across their arms. Sirius sighed and shook his head.
"I just can't listen to it now," he said, forcing back the wave of sadness that the memory had prompted.
Remus seemed to understand, because he nodded and went to retrieve something from his bedside table.
"Here, this might help," he said, returning with his well-worn copy of The Hobbit. "Reading this always makes me feel better. Don't mind all the notes from Seven."
Sirius took the book and flipped through the first few pages, turning it sideways to read a notation written in miniscule letters.
"Before I get my hopes up, are any of these notes filthy things she wants to do to you, or is it all just stuff about the actual book?" Sirius asked, turning a page.
"Sorry, they're all about the book," Remus said, grinning. "Unless I somehow missed the filthy ones. You better read them all, just to be sure." He gestured at the chocolate bar that still lay untouched on the bed. "And eat your chocolate, you prat. The Hobbit is better with chocolate."
"You think everything's better with chocolate," Sirius muttered, but he tore open the wrapped and broke off a piece, then flipped back to the first page of the book. "Thanks, Moony," he said, feeling surprisingly cheered by the prospect of having something to occupy his time. "Do you want a cigarette?"
"No thanks," Remus said, sounding scandalized by the mere suggestion. "I'll take a piece of that chocolate bar, though."
Sirius grinned and held out the chocolate so Remus could take a piece, then settled back to the book. He heard Remus munching the chocolate as he left the room, but he soon lost track of his surroundings as he became absorbed in the story. The evening passed and everyone filtered up to bed, but Sirius continued to read, closing his curtains and lighting his wand so he would not disturb the others. He had barely thought about Mary at all when he finally fell asleep with his face pressed against the pages of the book.
Wednesday, November 30, 1977
The words on the page floated into Mary's brain and evaporated without forming any sort of meaning. She frowned down at the book and tried to concentrate harder, but it was no use, and she soon snapped the book shut, resigning to finish it later when she was feeling more motivated. Her eyes scanned the common room, lingering on Sirius as he sat in his usual chair, absorbed in one of Remus's books. He hadn't glanced over at her once all evening, and she had to keep telling herself his indifference didn't bother her, even though she kept finding herself looking in his direction, hoping to catch him staring.
She had hoped for some sort of distraction, but her options were limited. Lily had gone off with Peter again, which struck her as odd, but she didn't have the energy to investigate. Remus and Sirius were both engrossed in books, and as she had met up with Eddie the previous night, her self-imposed rule prohibited her from seeing him again tonight. Feeling a touch of desperation, her eyes fell on Ann and Olivia, seated across the room at a table near the window.
"Hi," she said after crossing the room and coming to a stop in front of them. "What are you up to?"
They exchanged surprised looks.
"We're not doing much of anything, really," Olivia said. "We just finished our homework, so we were deciding what to do for the rest of the night."
"Why, what are you up to?" Ann asked, glancing over at Remus and Sirius before looking back at Mary.
"I'm dying of boredom," Mary said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. "Everyone's busy or reading, so I'm going to go upstairs and smoke a fat joint, and I didn't know if you'd like to join me?"
They looked at each other again, eyebrows raised, then Ann shrugged and Olivia nodded.
"Yeah, all right," Olivia said, standing up and gathering up the pile of books on the table.
"Where's Lily tonight?" Ann asked as they left the noisy hum of the common room behind and climbed the stairs to the dormitory.
"Library, I think," Mary said, pushing open the door and heading for her trunk. "I wasn't really listening. She's been studying with Peter a lot lately. I assume it's a group project or something for Ancient Runes, but I could be talking out of my arse."
Ann sat down on her bed and slipped off her shoes while Olivia pulled on a sweater and Mary laid out a Witch Weekly magazine on the floor and set to work rolling a joint. When she finished and held up the joint for inspection, Ann put on some music and the three of them sat on the rug between the two beds. Mary lit the joint and they passed it around, listening to the Beatles play softly in the background as the air around them grew heavy with smoke.
"So you're still not back together with Sirius?" Olivia asked, leaning back against Ann's bed with a dreamy smile on her face. "I know I always say what a tosser he is, but I did like you two together." She giggled before adding, "And he looks so good shirtless."
"You're not wrong," Mary said, letting her mind conjure up the image of Sirius sprawled on his bed wearing only pants, his scar accentuated by the tattoo just above it.
"I dunno, I think James has better abs," Ann mused. "He has those Quidditch muscles."
"Don't let Lily hear you say that," Mary said, dropping the tiny remainder of the joint into an ashtray and leaning back against her own bed.
"Don't let Stebbins hear you say that, either," Olivia added.
"How is Stebbins?" Mary asked.
It was strange to think that they had dated only a year and a half ago. So much had happened since then that she felt like a different person than the girl who had sat across from Stebbins in Madam Puddifoot's, listening to him talk about... She scoured her memories, but couldn't come up with a single interesting conversation.
"He's fine," Ann said, smiling at the sound of his name. "He's invited me to spend Christmas Eve with his family."
"That will be nice," Mary said. She felt genuine happiness for Ann, although she couldn't fathom how the girl wasn't bored to death of Stebbins by now. If she remembered correctly, his family was kind but just as dull, but she kept that thought to herself. If Ann wanted to spend her time discussing the weather and the exchange rate at Gringotts, well, that was her prerogative. "I'm glad you two are so happy together."
"Are you?" Olivia asked, shooting Mary a pointed look.
"Olivia," Ann said in a low, warning tone, but Olivia didn't seem to hear her.
"I'm just saying, we were close up through fifth year, and then we came back sixth year and you had broken up with Stebbins and Ann had started dating him. You said you didn't care, but you sort of pulled away and stopped talking to us, so I always thought you were upset about it and just pretended you didn't care."
"Olivia, why do you always have to talk about uncomfortable things when you get stoned?" Ann asked, resting her head in her hands. "Mary, you don't have to respond to any of that."
"It's all right," Mary said. She felt a sense of relief now that this was finally out in the open, because she had often wondered whether the two girls understood why she had drifted apart from them after the end of fifth year. "I honestly am happy for you and Stebbins, Ann. I promise I don't care that you're dating him. I broke up with him because I didn't want to be with him anymore, so it would be pretty bloody stupid of me to be upset that someone else wanted to date him."
Olivia fiddled with a bracelet on her wrist as she mulled over Mary's words. "But we had that big fight about it," she insisted. "Remember?"
"Liv, please don't," Ann begged. She had bitten her lip until it bled, but she didn't seem to notice the bright bead of blood that stood out against her full lips. "We just want to be stoned and talk about silly things. There's no need to go back over a fight that happened over a year ago."
"It's okay, Ann, I don't care," Mary said. "I don't even remember the fight. You're sure it was about Stebbins?"
"Well, sort of," Olivia said. "Ann was telling us all about a date they'd been on over the summer, but I could tell you weren't listening, so I said something to you about it, and you said something like, 'Sorry, I guess I wasn't listening.' And then Ann started to repeat the story, but you said it was okay and you didn't need to hear it, and you just started to walk away."
The memory came back to Mary, still vague and fuzzy but enough to fill in the gaps of Olivia's story. She had been in a daze most of that summer, struggling to pull herself out of the listlessness she had experienced after the incident with Mulciber. It had taken breaking up with Stebbins, hooking up with Sirius at a party, a long talk with Lily, and many nights spent smoking a joint alone in her bedroom before she felt a semblance of normalcy, but things had never felt the same when she returned to Hogwarts. She recalled going through the motions and trying to drum up enthusiasm for some of the things she used to care about, things like the minute details of Ann's love life, but no matter how hard she tried, the feeling of apathy remained.
"So I said something like, 'What do you mean you don't need to hear it?'" Olivia went on. "And you said you didn't care, which seemed quite rude, so I got angry and shouted at you about what kind of friend doesn't care about their friends' lives, and you said-"
"'Guess I'm a rubbish friend, then,'" Mary said quietly. "I remember now."
"Exactly!" Olivia said. "And then we got into a fight with Lily about it, because she reckoned I shouldn't have shouted at you because of circumstances we didn't know about, so I said, fine, tell me what the circumstances are, but she wouldn't say."
Olivia's lips drew into a pout, and Mary could tell she was still annoyed about being kept in the dark even a year after the fact. Mary's gaze drifted to Ann, who watched her with wide, slightly bloodshot eyes. The seconds seemed to stretch out as the two girls sat in expectant silence, and Mary knew she would have to say something, but what was there to say? Mulciber used dark magic on me, and that's why I didn't give a toss about the bloody date with Stebbins? While Ann and Stebbins were holding hands and eating ice cream at Florian Fortescue's, I was probably stoned off my arse staring up at the ceiling in my bedroom, because that's how I spent the first half of that summer when I wasn't working?
"Lily was right," she said eventually. "Something did happen." Her words were slow and measured, and it felt strange to talk about this after remaining silent on the subject for so long. "It wasn't even really a big deal, but it fucked me up, and I still don't like talking about it."
She tugged on a curl, pulling it straight and letting it bounce back, enjoying the springy feeling it produced. Ann and Olivia stared at her, transfixed, and she remembered with a start that she was in the middle of an explanation.
"I had a rough summer," she continued. "I suppose I was a bit depressed, and I couldn't seem to care about much of anything - that's why I broke up with Stebbins. When we came back to school I was better, but I still didn't care as much about things as I used to, and that's why I wasn't interested to hear about your date, Ann. It wasn't personal, and it wasn't because you were dating Stebbins. I just felt…" Her voice trailed off and she shrugged.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Ann asked, her voice so quiet that Mary had to incline towards her to hear.
"I didn't tell anyone," Mary replied. "I've only ever talked about it to Lily and…" She sighed. Black."
Olivia raised her eyebrows. "You told Black about it and not us? Bloody hell, Mary. I know we were never as close as you are with Lily, but we were your friends. You could've told us."
Mary considered this. Why had she talked to Sirius about it? The first time she had mentioned it, down by the lake at the end of fifth year, they were barely even friends, and yet she cried in front of him and let him see her lose control. She had cried the second time she had talked about the same incident, over a year later, this time sitting on the sand in front of a fire at the Potter's beach house. What allowed her to be vulnerable in front of Sirius, when she hid her fear and pain from most of the world? She couldn't put her finger on it, yet there was something in his expressive grey eyes and the intimate quality of his smile that drew her out and made her feel comfortable. Merlin, I miss that.
"You didn't have to tell us what happened, Mary, but you could've at least told us you were…" Ann groped for the right word. "Struggling. Because if you don't tell people what's going through your head, how are people supposed to know?"
Her words pierced through the fog in Mary's brain. Mary stopped playing with her hair and let her hand fall limp against her knee as she considered the implications of Ann's statement. If you don't tell people what's going through your head, how are people supposed to know? She hasn't told Sirius what was going through her head, and look where that had led her: bored enough on a Wednesday night to have a stoned heart to heart with former friends who had become no more than acquaintances. At the time she thought she was protecting herself from looking foolish and getting hurt, but now she couldn't imagine a situation hurting more than this one. But it's too bloody late to fix it, she thought. Isn't it?
"I guess I'm not very good at that," Mary said, a wry smile tugging at her lips. "It doesn't do much good now, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry."
Ann smiled, but Olivia looked at her in surprise for a moment before throwing her arms around her. Mary gave her several gentle pats on the back before extricating herself and exchanging an amused look with Ann.
"Now that the heart to heart is out of the way, do either of you have any chocolate?"
As she sat on the floor munching Olivia's chocolate and humming along to the music, Mary's mind drifted back to thoughts of Sirius. He had been her safe place, the person she could open up to when she could no longer shove back her emotions. So why, after he'd proved again and again that he was exactly what she needed, did she continue to push him away? She turned the question over and over in her head until she fell asleep hours later, tucked under her blankets in a bed that no longer felt like hers.
Remus set down his book and frowned across at Sirius.
"Do you want to go to the library?" he asked.
"Hang on," Sirius muttered, not lifting his eyes from the book.
Remus waited while Sirius finished his sentence or paragraph or page, then repeated his question when Sirius finally looked up.
"Why do you look so angry about going to the library?" Sirius said. "The library is usually your happy place."
"I'm not angry," Remus said, trying to rearrange his expression to hide the burning curiosity and suspicion. "I just need a book."
Sirius shrugged and held up the book in his hand. "I have a book, so I'm all set, but you have a ball, Moony. Go wild and get two books, if you're feeling really adventurous."
Remus watched in amusement as Sirius returned to reading The Hobbit. A hint of a smile tugged at his lips, and he looked more relaxed than he had in days. Remus suspected Sirius had finished the book and promptly started over, but he didn't want to ask and risk ruining his friend's fragile sense of happiness. That book seemed to be all that was keeping Sirius from sulking on his bed, and Remus was enjoying his improved move and the reduction in lingering cigarette smoke. Smiling to himself, he left Sirius to his reading and headed for the library.
As he had expected, Lily and Peter were not seated at one of the various library tables, nor were they browsing the shelves of books. Undeterred, Remus ducked into a deserted aisle to consult the Marauder's Map and located them in the same unused classroom he had noticed them in before. He set off in that direction before he could talk himself out of it, coming to a stop outside the classroom and pressing his ear to the door. Inside the sounds of quick footsteps and an occasional clatter could be heard, mingled with muffled shouts of frustration and triumph. Remus was deciding whether he should knock and confront them or mind his own business and return to the common room when the door opened and he had to scramble to avoid falling forward and colliding with Lily.
"Remus!" she exclaimed, stepping back in surprise. "What're you doing here?"
"I, er…"
Remus avoided her eye and studied his hands, picking at his cuticle as he struggled to come up with a reasonable answer. What was he doing here? He felt ashamed for spying on them and prying into their business when whatever they were doing in this classroom had nothing to do with him.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, turning to leave.
"Moony?"
Remus turned to see Peter standing in the doorway beside Lily, clutching his wand in his hand and wearing a sheepish expression. His clothes were dusty and he appeared disheveled, and upon further inspection Remus noticed Lily's tousled hair and a small bruise forming on her arm.
"You've figured it out, haven't you?" Peter said with a sigh.
"Figured what out?" Remus asked, looking from Peter to Lily.
"What we've been doing," Peter said, gesturing behind him at the empty classroom. Remus could see a pile of cushions and what looked like shards of broken boards. "Why we keep sneaking off."
"Not exactly," Remus admitted. "I just know you haven't been in the library." He raised his eyebrows. "Even I don't go to the library that much."
Lily grinned. "I knew we should've thought of a better excuse. Is it just you, or are James and Sirius onto us, too?"
Remus shook his head. "Just me. I wasn't even sure I was going to confront you. I just wanted to know what you were doing." He met Peter's eye, taking in the hint of embarrassment and shame on his friend's face. "You don't usually keep things from me, so I wondered what you might be up to."
"Don't feel bad, Remus," Lily said, sensing the hurt that Remus had tried to conceal. "He only told me because I saw him in here on the Map and demanded to know what he was up to. I didn't give him much of a choice."
"So what exactly are you up to?" Remus asked.
Peter and Lily exchanged a look before Peter looked down at the ground and said, "We're, er, practicing dueling."
"Why?" Remus asked, frowning.
"Well, because…" Peter took a deep breath and looked up to meet Remus's gaze. "Because I know I'm rubbish at it, and I thought with the way things are going that it might be good to not be so rubbish at it. So I was going to try to improve on my own, but I realized it's nearly impossible to practice dueling on your own, so luckily Lily found me and forced me to accept her help."
"You're not rubbish," Lily said, an encouraging smile on her face. "You've gotten loads better already." She held out her arm to Remus and added proudly, "He disarmed me before I even had time to react. Knocked me right on my arse, and I have the bruise to prove it."
"Nice one," Remus said, not quite managing to feign enthusiasm. "But why didn't you ask us to help you?"
He and Peter had always helped each other throughout their years of friendship without thinking twice about it. Remus never minded helping Peter with a Transfiguration essay or explaining the theory behind a complex Defense spell, because Peter wouldn't hesitate to help him finish homework when he was too tired to do it himself or keep him company when James and Sirius were off doing Merlin knows what. The thought that Peter would try to muddle through this alone both saddened and puzzled Remus, and he experienced a pang of guilt as he wondered whether his preoccupation with Seven had anything to do with it.
"I didn't want any of you to think less of me or laugh," Peter said, staring down at the floor again. "You're all so good at this, and I'm not, and I didn't want to bring attention to that."
"Of course we wouldn't laugh!" Remus said. "What sort of friends do you think we are?" He shook his head in dismay before shoving his hands into his pockets. "Bloody hell, after all the things you've done for me, you really think I wouldn't want to help?" His eyes shone with earnest conviction, and he knew the volume of his voice had risen, but he didn't care.
"I told him the same thing," Lily said, glancing sideways at Peter. "I know James would love to help, but he's made me swear not to tell anyone else."
"Well, I want in," Remus said, crossing his arms and fixing Peter with a stubborn state. "And I'm doing it no matter what, so don't bother trying to argue."
"All right," Peter said, chuckling, and Remus saw some of the shame evaporate in the face of such staunch support and acceptance. "If you really want to. But you can't tell the others."
"They're bound to find out soon," Remus pointed out. "Sirius is out of it now, but eventually he's going to notice when all three of us disappear without a good explanation."
Peter sighed. "You're probably right. But maybe we can wait and see how long we can get away with it?"
"Sirius has enough on his mind at the moment," Lily said. "And if we keep doing it while James is at practice we can keep him in the dark. But I agree with Remus that they're bound to find out at some point. If you want to wait, that's fine, but I think they'd be really helpful. And I think it would be good for them, too." She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "Don't tell James I told you this, but he could stand to work on being a bit sneakier with his offensive spells. You can tell what he's about to do just by looking at him."
"Sirius is worse," Remus said, grinning. "You can read him like a damn book."
"See?" Lily said, turning to Peter. "We could all benefit from this."
"What about Mary?" Remus asked. "She might like to practice dueling a bit, and you know she wouldn't laugh at you."
Peter bit his lip, a thoughtful expression spreading over his face as he considered Remus's suggestion. "Maybe," he said after a moment. "But let's keep it just us for now." He hesitated, then smiled at Remus and added, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just figured, you had your secrets, and I had one of my own."
Remus shrugged and nodded. "I guess that's fair. I'll keep this a secret for now, even though I know Padfoot's going to be furious when he finds out we kept something from him." He nodded at the classroom behind them. "Since we're all here, want to show me what you've been working on? I wouldn't mind seeing Lily knocked on her arse." He grinned and patted Lily's arm. "No offense, Lily."
Peter returned the smile and led the way into the classroom. "All right, but I'm not sure I'll be able to do it again. I think I got lucky…"