Sunday, December 4, 1977
Seven cast a surreptitious glance around the room before leaning in and lowering her voice.
"I've been thinking about ways to cheer up Sirius," she said.
Her face was set in an earnest, determined expression that reminded Remus of the way she looked before a Quidditch match, and he looked up from the chess board in front of him to give her his full attention. Peter also tore his attention from the game, which was probably for the best, as he had been smirking in that way that meant he was about to capture one of Remus's pieces, and James and Lily stopped murmuring to each other and both looked at Seven, eager to hear her ideas. Surprised but pleased by their interest, Seven smiled and continued.
"I've been thinking about it for a while, actually, except I've been a bit distracted lately and couldn't come up with much."
James raised his eyebrows and jerked his head in Remus's direction. "Have you been distracted by how sexy Moony is? Because if so that's completely understandable. Look at him in that jumper."
"Shut up, Prongs," Remus said, grinning. "She has an idea that we want to hear. Don't distract her with that rubbish."
James shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. "Padfoot wasn't here to make a comment, so I figured someone should. But you're right, we do want to hear, Seven. Try not to think about tearing Moony's jumper off so you can finish telling us your suggestions."
Seven giggled and laced her fingers through Remus's. "Well, last night he seemed to be doing so well that I thought maybe it wasn't necessary at all," she said.
Peter shook his head and frowned. "Nah, you can't trust Padfoot when he's like that. You can sort of see it in his eyes, if you know what to look for. You have to always be waiting for things to go a bit…" His voice trailed off and he looked to the others for help, but they just shrugged. "Well, you saw."
"Yeah, I did, and I thought it was interesting that it took Mary to calm him down," Seven said.
"I have a thought about that, too," Lily said, glancing at James. "But go on, Seven, I'll wait."
"Well, I was thinking about how Remus told me it cheers him up when he's, er, in the hospital wing to watch Peter beat Sirius at chess," Seven said with an apologetic note in her voice.
James snorted with laughter. "Merlin, that's true. It brings him such joy. Pete will capture one of Padfoot's pieces and he'll get angry and say something like, 'Sod you, Pete, you fucking wanker! I hate this bloody game.' And Moony will be laying there barely even awake, but you'll see the biggest smile spread across his face." James looked at Remus and grinned fondly. "I love that."
"Well, that makes me sound like an arsehole," Remus protested.
"But you're not," Seven said, resting her hand on his knee.
"Yeah, that's why it's so funny," Peter said. "Because out of all of you're the least arsehole-ish."
"Not a word, Pete," Remus said before he could stop himself. "But thanks."
"Anyway, I was thinking maybe Sirius would also enjoy watching his friends be bad at something. So we could all play a bit of Quidditch…" She cast a sheepish look at Remus, Peter, and Lily. "No offense, but I'm guessing you're not exactly great Quidditch players-"
"It's all right," Peter said, chuckling. "You can say we're rubbish. It won't hurt our feelings."
"Speak for yourself," Remus said in mock-indignation. "I for one am an excellent-" He broke off, laughing and shaking his head. "Shit, I can't even say it with a straight face. I'm awful. Actually, I don't think I want you to see me try because you're going to laugh at me."
"I wouldn't laugh," Seven said, smiling at him in that way of hers that always gave him a slight feeling of disbelief, because why on earth would she look at him like that?
"You say that until you've seen him fall off his broom trying to catch a Quaffle," James said, grinning and imitating wild, clumsy motions. "Bloody hilarious."
"I've never even attempted to play Quidditch, but I'm sure I'd be even worse," Lily said. "I think it's a really good idea, Seven. I don't mind looking stupid if it cheers Sirius up." She hesitated and glanced at James. "Should we ask Mary to join? She's probably no good at Quidditch either, and they seemed, I dunno, almost friendly last night. Maybe it would be…"
She let her sentence hang there, unfinished, as the rest of them mulled her suggestion over.
"Ask her if you like," James said. He ran a hand through his hair and frowned. "But I don't know if it's a good idea. It might blow up in our faces."
Lily smiled and kissed James's cheek."Nah, it'll be fine."
A few minutes later, Sirius came down the stairs, bringing with him a whiff of cigarette smoke.
"Did I make this up, or did I fly out of the window and stand up on my broom to catch Bertie Botts last night?" he asked, gazing across the common room at the window with a thoughtful frown on his face.
"No, that definitely happened," Lily said with a reproachful sideways glance. "I tried to keep you from breaking your neck, but none of these other idiots would help me."
"Well I appear to have survived the evening with my neck intact, so I don't see what there is to be upset about."
He slumped down into his chair and rested his legs on the coffee table, sending Remus's book to the floor in the process. Remus sighed and glared at Sirius, but made no comment as he bent to retrieve the book.
"I wouldn't get too comfortable," James said. "We're going out to play Quidditch in a minute."
"I'm too hungover for Quidditch," Sirius announced as he pointed his wand at Remus's pocket.
"Can I help you?" Remus asked, frowning and clamping a hand over his cardigan pocket.
"What is this rubbish? You always have a chocolate bar in your pocket," Sirius said, abandoning his attempts and slouching further down in his chair.
"I ate it already," Remus said, glancing at Seven and grinning. Truthfully, he had split it with Seven, but he was perfectly happy to take all of the blame.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, that was bloody inconsiderate of you. If I can't steal chocolate from you, what the hell are you good for?"
"You're right. What was I thinking, eating my own chocolate? I suppose if the only thing I'm good for is to steal chocolate from then I shouldn't bother playing Quidditch."
Sirius stopped twirling his wand between his fingers and raised his eyebrows at Remus. "You're going to play Quidditch? But you never play Quidditch. And it's what you call blanket weather, which is bloody stupid, by the way, because you're covered in a blanket year round."
"He's agreed to play," James said, standing up to lean against the back of Remus's chair. "So has Pete, and Evans, too."
"Evans is going to play?" Sirius picked his head up to gape at her. "Evans, have you ever actually flown a broom by yourself before?"
"Well, no, not since those flying lessons first year, but I'm sure I can figure it out," Lily said, although Remus detected a note of doubt in her voice. "You'll go easy on me, right?"
Sirius sat up and shook his head. "Absolutely bloody not. You'll never learn that way." He got to his feet and stretched. "All right, I suppose I can drag myself outside if it means I get to laugh at this lot."
"Are we going to-" Lily began, but she broke off mid sentence and began waving at someone across the room. "Mary, come over here for a second!"
Mary hesitated for a fraction of a second, and Remus thought he saw her cast a longing glance towards the door before she crossed the room to join them.
"We're going to play Quidditch," Lily said, giggling. "I fully expect to fall off the broom and land on my arse, but it'll be a laugh. Do you want to come?"
Mary's eyes drifted to Sirius before darting away again, and Remus thought he detected something unspoken passing between them. She hesitated, twisting a curl around her finger while Lily waited for her to respond.
"It's all right if you've already made plans to shag Eddie Edgecomb today," Sirius said with a bitter edge to his voice. "Anyway, the teams are already even."
Mary's face crumpled as Sirius's words bore into her, but she fixed a smile on her face and shrugged.
"I don't have plans to do anything today," she said briskly. "It's all right if you'd rather I don't join you, though. I have some homework to do." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a box of Bertie Botts before tossing it to Sirius. "Here, I thought you might want these in case you want to do any more broom stunts."
Sirius caught the Bertie Botts and stood there turning them over in his hands as Mary turned and hurried out of the common room. After a moment, he shoved the box into his pocket, then grinned and looked around at the group.
"Her loss, really. Imagine doing homework instead of laughing at Moony. Shall we head down, then?"
When they reached the grounds, an icy wind tugged at their clothing and made Remus shiver. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and glanced at Sirius, wondering how long he would have to endure the cold before he could return to the warmth of the common room to read his book and sip hot cocoa and maybe sneak away with Seven. She sensed his discomfort, because she slipped her arms around him and pressed her body close to his.
"Cold?" she murmured, her breath warm against his skin.
"Not so much now," he said, bending down to kiss her. "But I suppose we won't be able to play Quidditch properly like this."
"No, it would make it a bit difficult," she said, pulling away and mounting her broom. "You'll warm up once you're moving around, though."
They started out with some easy passes while James showed Lily how to control her broom. Remus tried to remember every Quidditch tip James had drilled into him, but Seven remained patient and never laughed, even when he took his eye off the Quaffle and it sailed right through his outstretched fingers.
"I think even Pete could've got that one, Moony," Sirius said, laughing as Seven darted down to catch the Quaffle before it hit the ground.
"You almost had it," Seven said, flashing him an encouraging smile. "You just can't take your eye off the Quaffle. You've got to watch it into your hands, if that makes sense."
Remus kept his eyes fixed on the Quaffle as she sent it soaring in his direction, breaking his gaze only when he felt his hands close over the smooth leather. He glowed with pride as he saw a wide smile spread across Seven's face, and he even managed a somewhat accurate throw back to her.
"Nice one," Seven said, catching the Quaffle one-handed and giving him a thumbs up. "See how much easier that is?"
"I've been telling you to watch the Quaffle into your hands for years, Moony," James said. He watched Lily take a practice lap around the pitch, her face creased with fear even though her feet almost brushed the ground. "You only listened to Seven because she has a nicer arse than I do."
"Well that's not saying much," Sirius said, pulling up next to James and grinning. "You have almost no arse." He looked around at the group and shook his head in amusement. "How do we want to split the teams? I suppose it wouldn't be fair for the two of us to be on the same team, would it?"
James shrugged. "Not really, no, but it would be more fun that way." He ran a hand through his hair and raised his eyebrows. "Want to do the two of us versus everyone else? Seven's so good she's almost like two decent players, so it'll make up for everyone else being rubbish."
Seven laughed. "I think you're overestimating my talent, but all right. Give us a minute to come up with a strategy, yeah?"
"My strategy is to try not to fall off my broom from laughing at you three," Sirius said, nodding at Lily as she landed next to them and hopped off her broom as though her feet hadn't touched solid ground in hours. "But go ahead and strategize. I can't wait to see what you come up with."
When James and Sirius had flown off to the other side of the pitch, Seven crossed her arms and turned to Remus, Peter, and Lily with a determined expression on her face.
"Right, I think the best chance we have is to fly pretty close together. Lily, you should stick close to the outside, because I think they'll try to cut us off to make us drop the Quaffle, but James might go a bit easier on Lily because, well, it's Lily. And Peter, try to stay to my left if you can, because you seem to have better luck catching passes from that direction. Remus can stay to my right, and I'll sort of fly back and forth and try to head them off if they try anything funny." She noticed the admiration on Remus's face and giggled. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You're going to make a good captain next year, that's all," Remus said, enjoying the happiness he saw flash across her face at his words. "Now come on, let's go embarrass ourselves to make Padfoot happy."
The match proceeded very much as expected. Seven darted around, doing her best to compensate for the rest of the team, but her efforts weren't enough to stop James and Sirius from scoring several goals and executing a ridiculous midair celebration dance after each one. After their fifth goal, James threw his hands into the air and accidentally smacked Peter in the face.
"Bloody hell, sorry, Wormtail!" James said, his eyes wide with surprise, but both Peter and Sirius were laughing so hard that they had to hold onto each other so they didn't fall off their brooms.
A few minutes later, Lily managed to put the Quaffles through the middle goal hoop, but she was so surprised that she forgot to keep control of her broom and rammed into the goal post. The hilarity mounted when Seven threw the Quaffle to Remus, and he was so focused on watching the Quaffle that he flew straight into Peter.
"We've got to stop," Sirius said, landing his broom and wiping away tears of laughter. "I can't fucking breathe."
Seven landed beside him and looked at Remus and Peter, both sprawled on the grass after their collision. Peter wiped blood from a split lip, and Remus had a large scratch on the side of his face. Lily and James joined them a second later, and Remus noticed Lily seemed to be holding her arm at a funny angle, as though it had been injured during the game.
"We do look a bit worse for wear, don't we?" Seven observed, striding over to offer Remus a hand up and brushing grass and bits of leaves from his jumper. "But I still think we did well, considering."
Remus smiled and put an arm around her. "You're being far too nice. But I'd still say it was a success." He nodded at Sirius, who was still doubled over with laughter, unable to speak.
"We definitely accomplished what we set out to do." She hesitated for a moment, glancing sideways at him as an affectionate smile spread across her face, then added, "You look adorable on a broom."
Remus laughed, wondering how his lanky frame clutching the broom handle and running into Peter could be seen as anything other than amusing and mildly embarrassing.
"Not as adorable as you do," he said, bending down to kiss her. Her lips warmed his face, numb with cold from the wind, and for a moment he forgot himself and his surroundings as he lost himself in her intoxicating scent and the feel of her slender arms around him.
"Let's go back to the common room if you're going to grope each other," Sirius said, and his laughter jarred Remus from his reverie. "It's too cold out here to stand around watching you snog, and I'm thirsty."
He led the way back to the castle, still chuckling to himself, and the rest of the group followed. Remus and Seven brought up the rear, holding hands and enjoying the simple pleasure of each other's company. Even after the chaos of the Quidditch match, Remus felt relaxed and content as he considered Sirius's improved mood and looked forward to a trip with Seven to the reading spot, followed by a mug of hot cocoa and a book in his favorite armchair by the fire. Things are looking up, he thought, stealing a glance at Seven before they hurried to catch up with the others.
Tuesday, December 6, 1977
Sirius sighed and slumped down in his seat. "I can't bloody watch this anymore."
When he received no response except a puzzled look from Peter, he crumpled up a piece of parchment and threw it at James, then crumpled another piece and tossed it in Remus's direction.
James snatched the parchment out of the air and threw it back at Sirius, grinning.
"Are you just bored, or is there a particular reason you're chucking things at me?" James asked. Lily sat in his lap with his arms tucked around her, and although a book rested on her knee, it had snapped shut at least ten minutes ago yet she still hadn't noticed she had lost her page.
"Take Evans upstairs," Sirius said, casting a meaningful look at the way James's hands lingered just above the waistband of Lily's trousers. "Or go to the Head Office and let Moony and Seven go upstairs, if you'd rather, but you can't keep sitting here pretending you're not feeling each other up."
"We're doing homework," Lily said, gesturing at her book.
Sirius shook his head dismissively. "No you're not. You started out doing homework, but at this point you're just making seductive little sounds while James stops just short of putting his hands down your trousers."
"He's not-" Lily spluttered, blushing. "We're not-"
Sirius chuckled at her obvious discomfort. "It's fine, Evans, Prongs is a sexy bloke, and I don't blame you at all. Just go shag already. You'll be able to concentrate on homework much better once you resolve all the sexual tension."
"Aren't you going to have a go at Moony and Seven?" James asked, watching Seven trailing her fingers up and down Remus's leg. "They're doing the same bloody thing."
"Sod off, Prongs," Remus said without looking up from his book. "We're reading."
"I didn't realize reading required so much touching." He nodded at Remus's hand resting on the curve of Seven's waist. "Have I been doing it wrong my whole life?"
"Come on," Lily said, getting to her feet and tugging at James's hand. "We may as well go, because he's just going to keep making snarky little comments and giving us those looks."
"Right, you're only doing it to shut me up, and not because you want Prongs to tear your clothes off and-"
"Moony, do you want the dormitory?" James asked, raising his voice to drown out Sirius. "We can go to the Head Office if you two want a proper bed for once."
"Oh, er, that's all right," Remus said, his eyes still locked on his book although Sirius hadn't seen him turn a page in ages. "We're fine here."
James shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said, reaching for Lily's hand and leading her across the room and up the staircase.
"You're not fine there," Sirius said. "Peter, back me up on this. Tell them it's sex thirty."
"Merlin, you're obnoxious," Remus said, disentangling his arm from around Seven's waist and getting to his feet. "Come on, we can bring our books to the reading spot, because he's obviously not going to shut up if we stay here."
Seven grinned and stood, slipping her book into her back pocket before following Remus out of the portrait hole. Right before the Fat Lady swung shut behind them, Sirius shouted, "Don't forget to use a contraceptive charm!" which elicited several gasps and giggles from some of the other Gryffindors.
"You're in a funny mood tonight, aren't you?" Peter observed.
Sirius shrugged but didn't respond. He thought he would feel better once he was no longer forced to witness his friends' barely concealed desire for each other, but now he and Peter sat alone in their cluster of armchairs by the fire, he experienced a vague sense of emptiness. Without realizing he was doing it he glanced around in hopes of spotting Mary, but there was no sign of her wild curls or distinct red jacket. She doesn't have the jacket anymore, you prat, he reminded himself, remembering how it had sat folded on top of the sad pile of his belongings.
"You didn't fancy meeting up with Stacy tonight?" Peter asked, and Sirius realized his low mood must have been evident on his face. "Go if you like, don't worry about me. I've still got half of this essay to write anyway."
Sirius shook his head and propped his legs up on the table. "Nah, I saw her last night. Two nights in a row might give her the wrong idea, you know?"
This was only part of the reason he had brushed off Stacy's leading questions about his plans for the evening. Apart from wanting to maintain certain boundaries, he found that he had no desire to spend time with Stacy tonight. Their time together served a purpose, but after the brief release he was left feeling restless and as unsatisfied as ever. Even more worrisome, she had mentioned the upcoming Hogsmeade trip several times with eager anticipation, and he had begun to regret agreeing to what he had seen as a casual drink in the Three Broomsticks, because it was clear that Stacy viewed it as something more.
"But going to Hogsmeade with her isn't giving her the wrong idea?" Peter said with a smirk, as if he had read Sirius's thoughts.
"I'm not going to Hogsmeade with her, we're just meeting up once we're there," Sirius said, scowling. "She asked me if I wanted to have a drink, and I never say no to a drink."
Peter nodded. "Yeah, all right. But does the same go for Slughorn's party?"
"Fuck."
Sirius drummed his fingers against the arm of the chair in irritation. He had forgotten all about Slughorn's party. Merlin, what the hell had he been thinking, agreeing to these two outings that anyone with sense would consider proper dates, when anyone with sense also knew that Sirius Black didn't do proper dates?
"You could always get out of it," Peter said, shrugging. "Although that might put a damper on your shagging opportunities. With Stacy, I mean. But you could always find someone else."
Sirius sighed and crossed his legs, knocking over a book in the process but making no move to retrieve it. "That sounds like a lot of effort."
"Well, yeah, it would require a bit of effort," Peter agreed, grinning and bending down to pick up the fallen book. "I suppose you could also just, you know, not shag anyone for a while."
Sirius raised his eyebrows and fixed Peter with an incredulous look.
"Well, there is a third option, you know," Peter said, laughing at Sirius's expression. "You could stop being a stubborn sod and talk to-"
"No," Sirius said, holding up a hand and cutting him off. "Fuck that. These options are all terrible, by the way. Bloody hell, is this what it's like to be you?"
Peter tilted his head sideways and looked at him in bemusement for a moment before bursting into laughter.
"A bit, I suppose," he admitted. "Your options are still loads better, though." Still chuckling slightly, he added, "Is Stacy staying at Hogwarts for Christmas?"
"Dunno, I haven't asked." Sirius flashed him a sheepish smile. "I'm afraid if I do, she'll change her plans and decide to stay on my account, and that would definitely give her the wrong idea. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind having her around, but I don't want to be expected to spend every single day with her. I've got to be around to lose to you at chess to cheer up Moony, seeing as it's Christmas and all."
Peter's face fell, which struck Sirius as odd, because Peter loved beating him at chess almost as much as Remus enjoyed watching it. After a moment his usual self-conscious smile returned, however, and Sirius dismissed his observation as an invention of his distracted mind.
"Yeah, that's true," Peter said. "He does love watching me crush your chess dreams every time." He glanced at the half-finished essay in front of him, then pushed it away with a frown. "I think I'm done with this for tonight. Want to do something?"
Sirius tapped his fingers against the side of his face as he considered this. He wanted to do something, as the monotony of sitting here brooding while everyone else enjoyed a much more exciting Tuesday evening was driving him mad. The trouble was that none of the usual weeknight activities like playing chess or Exploding Snap or taking a walk to the kitchens would occupy his mind enough to banish his troubling thoughts.
"I'd really like to get stoned," Sirius said, rearranging himself so that his legs dangled over the side of the chair and his head rested against the other arm. "But I don't have the necessary ingredients."
"I'll take a walk down to the Hufflepuff common room," Peter offered. "I don't mind."
Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You know what to do? The stupid little knock and the bloody passphrase or whatever?"
Peter nodded, then stood up and headed for the door. "Be back in a bit," he called over his shoulder before stepping out into the corridor and disappearing from view.
Sirius gazed into the fire, wondering whether Mary had been the one to show Peter the silly protocol for purchasing pot from the Hufflepuffs, and simultaneously wishing he could have a mundane thought like this without experiencing such a sharp pang of sadness and frustration.
The chilly air of the unused classroom raised goosebumps on Mary's skin as she padded across the stone floor to retrieve her discarded clothes. Eddie still lay with his elbow propped on his arm, lounging on the blanket they had thrown down as meager protection against the cold, unyielding floor. Several times he had tried to wrap his arms around Mary to keep her curled next to him, but she had wriggled out of his grasp and into her clothes, feeling that cuddling afterwards was somehow more intimate than sex.
"Are you going into Hogsmeade on Saturday?" Eddie asked.
The sound of his voice broke through the haze of Mary's thoughts, and she paused halfway through pulling on her shoes to peer at him suspiciously.
"No need to look at me like that," he said, noticing her expression and chuckling. "I know we're just casual, and I'm not asking you because I want you to be my girlfriend or anything. I just thought it might be a laugh, but if you don't want to, you're not going to break my heart."
He pushed himself into a seated position and Summoned his clothes, then began to dress as he waited for Mary to respond. She opened her mouth to decline, but then a fragment of memory from earlier drifted back to her, Olivia's voice echoing out from the bathroom as she applied mascara to her fair lashes: "I heard Sirius is going into Hogsmeade with Stacy Tremblay. And he's going to Slughorn's party with her! I thought he wasn't the dating type."
"Maybe," she said, watching Eddie pull his t-shirt over his head. His smooth torso, unmarred by scars or tattoos, seemed somehow lacking, and she looked away, feeling the happiness she had gained from the last hour ebbing away. "But it'll be just a casual Hogsmeade trip and not anything more, right?"
He grinned and reached for his trousers. "Don't worry, it'll be extremely casual." He studied her for a moment, his blue eyes boring into her as his lips tugged up into a thoughtful smile. "You know, even though we both went into this looking for a rebound, I feel like we're not really after the same thing."
Mary finished putting on her shoes and leaned against the wall to frown at Eddie. "What do you mean?"
He shrugged. "Well, when I split up with Rebecca, I was a bit broken up over it. I needed someone to help me get over her, because, well, she's a cheating bitch and I didn't want to have feelings for her anymore." He smirked, and Mary noted that he was most handsome in these rare moments of rebellion, so different from his usual easygoing, steady manner. "And it worked. I'm over her, and now I'm just having fun with you. But for you I think it's different."
"How is it different?" she asked, crossing her arms
He hesitated, sensing her defensiveness, but plowed on. "Because I don't think you want to get over Black."
"I don't need to get over him," she snapped. "We were never officially together."
He looked up from tying his shoe to give her a dubious look. "Come on, Macdonald, we both know that's rubbish. Official or not, you were together longer than I was with Rebecca, and you have real feelings for him, and I think you still want to be with him. So I'm perfectly happy to keep meeting up to shag in this classroom, but..." He let the rest of his sentence hang there, unspoken but perfectly clear to the both of them.
She gaped at him for a moment, reeling from the stinging accuracy of his observation. His words had made her feel more exposed than she had earlier when she had stood naked and shivering in front of her pile of clothes. I don't think you want to get over Black. Of course she wanted to get over Black, didn't she? She couldn't spend the rest of her life being miserable and feeling sorry for herself, so getting over him seemed the only logical option. And yet another possibility lurked at the back of her mind, unacknowledged but impossible to forget. It's not a possibility if he doesn't want it, too, you bloody idiot. She blew a lock of hair out of her face and tried to feign indifference.
"Sod off, Edgecombe," she said, rolling her eyes and tossing her hair back over her shoulders. "I came here for a shag, not to get advice about my bloody love life. All right, I'll go to Hogsmeade with you, but if you try to hold my hand in Madam Puddifoot's or expect me to talk about my feelings, I'm getting the fuck out of there, all right?"
She took the long way back to the common room, in no hurry to plod through homework while she tried not to think about all the nights she had lounged in front of the fire with Sirius, braiding his hair and laughing at James and Lily and flicking bits of parchment at Peter and Remus. She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost walked straight into Peter as he rounded a corner.
"Oh, hi, Mary," he said, recovering himself after jumping backwards and letting out an undignified sound of surprise. "Are you heading back to the common room?"
She nodded, unable to muster much enthusiasm. "Unless you have a more interesting suggestion?"
"Well, you could come with me if you like," Peter said. "I said I'd go poke my head in the Hufflepuff common room and see if Adam Graham's around, but I'm not sure I remember the proper way to knock, and doesn't something bad happen if you do it wrong?"
"Yeah, it sprays you with vinegar," she said, grinning. "Black got soaked once, even though I told him to just let me do it. I died laughing. Anyway, I'll come with you. I don't really feel like doing homework, and I bet Lily isn't even around to distract me."
"She did go upstairs with James," Peter said, chuckling as they both strolled side-by-side down the corridor. "Remus and Seven left too. So Sirius and I decided to get stoned, because what else is there to do on a Tuesday night?"
"That's fair." She thought about a random week night when she and Sirius had split a joint, sprawled across his bed with their arms around each other as the smoke drifted above their heads. Sirius had told her a story about a botched prank the four boys had attempted back when they were first years, and although in retrospect it wasn't really that funny, she had laughed until she couldn't breathe and tears of laughter had rolled down her cheeks and onto the duvet. More to distract herself than out of any real desire to share, she said, "I just agreed to go to Hogsmeade with Eddie Edgecombe, because, I dunno, what else is there to do?"
He glanced sideways at her and raised his eyebrows. "Does it have anything to do with the fact that Sirius is going with Stacy Tremblay?"
"Completely unrelated," she said, keeping her eyes fixed on the stairs so she wouldn't have to meet Peter's gaze. "Although I heard they're only meeting up for a drink."
"Well, yeah, that's true." Peter came to a stop in front of the barrels that concealed the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room and shot her a teasing smile. "I was maybe trying to wind you up, just a bit."
"Rude. You'd better look out, or I'll tap the wrong rhythm on purpose and laugh when you get covered in vinegar."
She studied the barrels, counting in her head before selecting the one second from the bottom in the middle of the second row and giving it two taps then three more in quick succession. She watched in amusement as Peter stepped sideways and tensed in anticipation of a blast of vinegar, but instead the barrel opened to reveal a narrow, sloping passageway. He gestured for her to go first, so she ducked her head and stepped through, leading the way upwards until the passage opened up into a low-ceilinged room occupied by Hufflepuff students seated at polished wooden tables or benches underneath the round windows that housed various plants. A Hufflepuff boy looked up from his game of gobstones and looked at them with mild curiosity.
"The puffskein sleeps at midnight," she said, and he gave a little nod and pointed at a group of chairs on the other side of the room.
"He's over there," he said before returning to his game.
Peter and Mary crossed the room and approached the group of Hufflepuffs engaged in what appeared to be some sort of study group. Mary stopped in front of Adam Graham, her eyes widening in surprise as she realized he held knitting needles and the start of what looked to be a yellow, wooly scarf.
"Hi, Macdonald," he said, tapping the yarn with his wand and setting down his knitting needles. "Knitting club meets on Tuesdays," he added in response to her questioning look.
"You're in a knitting club?" Mary asked, so intrigued that she momentarily forgot all about their reason for visiting the Hufflepuff common room. "I didn't even know there was a knitting club. But it's only a Hufflepuff club?"
"Well, we tried to open it up to other houses, but we couldn't get anyone outside of Hufflepuff to join, so we just gave up and hold meetings in the common room now." He shrugged and grinned, looking around at the table full of Hufflepuffs knitting various items of clothing. "The club's grown a lot since it started, though. It used to be just me and Mia." He nodded at a tall girl working on what appeared to be a crocheted crop top. "But if either of you want to join, we could see about meeting in a common space. It's lots of fun." He lowered his voice and added, "Even more fun when you're stoned."
"That's all right, I don't think I have the patience for knitting," Mary thought, chuckling.
Peter remained silent, looking down at his feet and wearing an uncomfortable expression, so Mary decided to take charge and said, "Sorry to bother you during your knitting club, but could I have the usual, if you've got enough to spare?"
He pushed back from his chair, taking care not to bump into a tiny first year girl with braids who was working on an elaborate red and green sweater.
"Be back in a minute," he said before heading across the room and disappearing through a round door.
"Couldn't you see Remus in that jumper?" Peter murmured, nudging Mary and nodding at the Christmas sweater.
"I don't think I could see anyone besides Remus in that jumper," Mary said. "Have you gotten him a Christmas present yet?"
Peter shook his head. "I was going to get all my shopping done in Hogsmeade, but I don't have any idea what to get him."
"Well, now you do." Mary tapped the little Hufflepuff on the shoulder and smiled down at her. "That's a really impressive jumper," she said, reaching out to touch the careful stitches. "Would you consider selling it?"
The girl looked up in surprise. "You want to buy my jumper?"
"We have a friend who would love it," Mary said. "And it's better than anything we would find in Gladrags. We'd love to buy it, if you can part with it."
"Yeah, all right," the girl said, beaming with pride as she looked down at the half-finished jumper in her hands. "It'll take me a few more days to finish it, but I can come find you in the Great Hall once it's done."
"Excellent," Mary said. "Just take care not to let our friend see it. He's the tall, sandy-haired one, usually has a book in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other, dating the Gryffindor Seeker…"
"Oh, yeah, I know who you mean," the girl said, nodding. "I'll put it in a bag or something so he doesn't see it."
"Isn't she talented?" Adam said, rejoining them at the table and giving the first year girl an encouraging smile. "Best knitter in the whole club, and she's only a first year. Me, I've been plugging away for two years, and this is all I can manage." He gestured hopelessly at his lumpy scarf.
"That's all right, it's better than either of us could do," Mary said, accepting a handful of coins from Peter and handing them over to Adam before pocketing the small parcel he slipped into her palm. "Enjoy knitting club."
Mary laughed softly to herself as they left the cozy atmosphere of the Hufflepuff common room and emerged out into the corridor that always carried a faint scent of baking bread and roasting meat.
"Adam Graham, Hogwarts' biggest pot dealer and founding member of the knitting club. Merlin, what a Hufflepuff combination."
Peter grinned and nodded. "It is, I suppose. Although…" He glanced sideways at her and hesitated before muttering, "I may or may not know how to knit."
"No you bloody don't!" Mary burst out, gazing at Peter in astonishment. "How come I've never seen you knitting?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Can you imagine what Sirius would say if he saw me knitting a bloody scarf? Merlin, he has enough things to tease me about already. I don't need to give him more ideas."
Mary thought this over and grinned. "Yeah, I suppose that's fair. But how did you learn to knit?"
He shrugged. "My mum taught me. It was just the two of us a lot of the time, and there wasn't much else to do. It's kind of relaxing, in a way."
Mary imagined Peter seated across from the plump, greying woman she had glimpsed on the platform of the Hogwarts Express, needles clicking and mouth moving silently as he counted stitches. The idea brought a smile to her face, both because it was so wholesome and because it was so unlike any experience she would have with her own mother.
"That's fucking adorable, Pete," she said, noticing the shy smile that spread across his face at her words despite his flushed cheeks. "What else did your mum teach you?"
"Well, she taught me to play chess. She's really good, better than me." He blushed even more and added, "Not that I'm, you know, good or anything…"
"Shut up, you're brilliant at chess," she said, rolling her eyes. "You may as well admit it."
"But my mum really is better than I am," he insisted. "You wouldn't think so from looking at her, but she can see a whole match play out in her head before it even starts. You'll think you've got her figured out, and then she'll get this little smirk on her face, and next thing you know she's bloody checkmating your king."
Mary pictured the smug expression that always came over Peter's face right before he made a particularly ruthless capture of one of Sirius's pieces, and guessed that the look was a mirror image of the one he saw on his mother's face.
"She taught me to bake, too," Peter said, before widening his eyes in alarm as though he had revealed a shameful secret. "Merlin, I have a big mouth today."
Mary laughed at his panicked expression. "There's nothing wrong with knowing how to bake. I wish my mum had taught me something useful like that."
As they climbed the staircase to Gryffindor Tower and Mary jumped over a trick step, a thought occurred to her. "Hang on, you made that cake for Sirius's birthday, didn't you?" The blush spreading across his face was all the answer she needed. "I knew the house elves wouldn't have been bold enough to put bacon on a chocolate cake."
Peter grinned. "They don't usually pay much attention to what I make, but they did look at me funny when I added the bacon. I knew Sirius would love it, though, so I didn't mind."
"How often do you sneak off to the kitchens to bake in secret?" she demanded. "You could've told us. Sirius wouldn't have a go at you for baking, because he likes eating too much."
Peter shrugged and looked away, fiddling with the sleeve of his jumper. "I just go once in a while, when I need to clear my head. It's always just felt like the sort of thing I shouldn't mention, because what sort of bloke brags about his mum teaching him to bake bloody cakes and biscuits?" He drew to a stop and turned to face her, his face creased with worry. "We always make pies together on Christmas Eve. I told everyone I'd stay here for the holidays because it's full moon and everything, but I can't let my mum spend Christmas alone. I have to go home."
Mary could sense the burden of this secret weighing heavy on Peter, and she had a sudden urge to hug him, but she repressed it and settled instead for a light touch on his shoulder.
"I'm in the same situation," she said. "Even if things were different…" Her voice trailed off and she had to clear her throat and start again. "Even if things were different I'd still be going home. My mum has nobody else, so I've got to be there for Christmas."
"But do you think Remus will understand?" Peter asked, his eyes bright and earnest. "I feel awful that he's got to go through all that on Christmas, and I'd love to be here, but…"
"He'll understand," Mary assured him. "Of course he will. And it's not like he'll be alone. He'll have James and Sirius and Lily. They'll have a great time - James won't settle for anything less."
"I suppose," Peter said with a sigh. "They had some idea of doing something for my birthday, but we can do it before I leave like we usually do."
"Hang on, when's your birthday?"
"Oh, it's December 23rd," Peter said, looking unenthusiastic. "Or as James says, Christmas Eve Eve. I always feel like it's silly to celebrate because it's so close to Christmas, so I usually don't do much, but-"
"Why don't you come into London?" she said excitedly. "I'll take you out to the pub." She held up a hand to stave off his protests. "Everyone should get drunk on their birthday. You can take the Knight Bus home, or sleep on my couch if you're feeling really brave, although I can't guarantee my mum won't flirt with you."
He laughed. "I doubt I'm her type."
She studied him and nodded. "You're right. You're far too respectable looking. She'd probably be interested if you get a couple of tattoos and show up on a motorbike with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth."
"So Sirius is her ideal bloke?" Peter asked, smirking.
"Oh, she loves Black." Mary said, rolling her eyes. "He took her for a ride on his motorbike and she stopped just short of groping him. So bloody embarrassing."
Peter chuckled. "I'm sure he was egging her on. I bet he loved the attention, honestly."
"Oh, definitely," Mary said, smiling and shaking her head at the memory, but her amusement faded into melancholy as she realized Melanie might never get the opportunity to hit on Sirius again.
They fell silent and drew to a stop in front of the Fat Lady, and Peter looked at her with cautious hope in his eyes.
"Do you want to smoke with us? Sirius won't mind."
She remembered the last time she and Peter had split a joint, the blissful, detached sensation in her brain that had made everything hurt less, the feeling of easy openness as they lay stretched out next to each other in front of the fire. She longed to accept his offer, because Peter was her friend, and she should be able to smoke a joint with him, seeing as she'd made the trip all the way down to the Hufflepuff common room when Sirius couldn't be bothered to get off his arse. She remembered the bitter dismissal in Sirius's voice when he had told her not to bother joining their Quidditch game, and the unbidden hope that had filled her when Eddie had suggested she didn't want to get over Sirius, and she knew smoking with him would lead to nothing good.
"Nah, I better not, but you enjoy." She took a step forward, then stopped again and added, "I won't tell any of them that you're not staying for Christmas, but I don't think you need to be nervous to tell them. They might surprise you, even Black."
Peter smiled, and she noticed he had lost some of the weighed down look she had seen earlier.
As she gave the password and stepped through into the common room, she allowed herself a brief glance at the spot in front of the fire where Sirius sat on the floor leaning against the back of his chair with Remus's copy of The Hobbit propped in his lap. He looked up and their eyes met for a moment, and she felt a strong urge to take the seat behind him and run her fingers through his hair when he leaned his head back against her legs. But then he returned his gaze to his book, and she retreated up to her dormitory to flip through a magazine and pretend she wasn't filled with a sharp, crushing loneliness.
Wednesday, December 7, 1977
Peter stood leaning against the wall of the empty classroom, watching as Remus and Lily practiced dueling each other. Spells whizzed back and forth, ricocheting off of Shield Charms or missing their target to instead crash against the walls or ceiling. Their faces were both set in expressions of concentration, but Peter had seen both of them experience brief bursts of glee when a particularly well-placed spell met its mark. When Remus finally disarmed Lily and she threw up her hands in surrender, they both wore exhilarated smiles as they gasped for breath and sank to the floor beside Peter.
"What was that last spell you used?" Remus asked, wiping sweat from his forehead. "Before I disarmed you?"
Lily laughed. "No idea. I sort of get to a point where my brain goes into duel mode and instinct just takes over, so I'm not even really consciously planning out my next move. I just, I dunno, do it, and usually it works out all right."
"That's interesting," Remus mused. "Sirius duels like that, and I think James does too, but I think through every move. You do too, don't you, Wormtail?"
Peter nodded and slid down the wall to sit beside Remus. "I'm in my head the entire time. That's why I'm so slow, because I overthink it. Although…" He hesitated, thinking over the last few practice duels. "I think I'm doing a bit better now."
"You're doing loads better," Lily assured him. "We're all pretty evenly matched now, I'd say." She glanced sideways at Peter, eyebrows raised. "I know you don't want to bring Sirius and James into this, but they'd be impressed, I know they would."
"And we could get a lot of practice in over Christmas," Remus added. "I might be useless, but you and Lily could practice every day, and they'll get suspicious if we keep sneaking off, so we may as well tell them. We could even practice in the common room, if we moved things out of the way."
Peter looked away, frowning and biting his lip. The two of them looked so hopeful, and he hated to let them down, but the longer he waited to break the news, the harder it would be.
"What?" Remus said, narrowing his eyes as he studied Peter's face. "You have that Pete look."
"What Pete look?" Peter asked.
"The Pete look that means you have something to tell us but you're afraid we'll get upset," Remus said, his eyes still fixed on Peter's. "Come on, out with it."
The thought of Christmas Eve in front of the common room fire filled Peter's head. He imagined Remus wrapped in a blanket and wearing a weary smile, James and Lily cuddled together, stealing kisses when they thought the others weren't looking, Sirius scowling as Peter captured yet another one of his chess pieces. The scene was so warm and cozy and inviting that he almost changed his mind, and he was already planning to seek out McGonagall and ask if he could add his name to the list of students staying at Hogwarts for Christmas, already composing a letter to his mother in his head. The image of his mother's face, crestfallen and disappointed as she read his letter, replaced the image of the common room, and he was filled with such an overwhelming wave of guilt that he abandoned his plans without another thought.
"I'm not staying here for Christmas," he said, sighing and not meeting Remus's eye. "I'm sorry, I know I said I would, and I want to be here, but I've got to go see my mum. She doesn't have anyone else, and I can't let her be alone for Christmas."
He let the words pour out in a quick, jumbled stream, and afterwards he stood waiting for Remus to react, a nervous frown on his face.
"You don't have to look like that, Pete," Remus said, giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "I understand. I wouldn't expect any of you to stay. I mean, I appreciate that James and Sirius and Lily are, because I can't lie, it'll be nice not having to spend Christmas alone, but I'd never hold it against you that you want to go be with your mum. None of us would."
"But what about James?" Peter insisted. "Christmas is his favorite day of the whole year, and he was so excited for us all to be here for it. And Sirius… Well, you know how he's been lately."
"Don't worry about James," Lily said. "He'll be fine. And so will Sirius. You worry too much, Peter." She hesitated, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. "Besides, by that time Sirius might be in a much better headspace."
"Why?" Remus asked, his tone suspicious. "What are you plotting?"
Lily's grin widened. "I think we should try to get him and Mary back together. It's clear they still like each other. I think they just need a bit of help."
Peter frowned. "Have you run this plan by James?" he asked, his tone skeptical.
Lily laughed softly. "Yeah, and he thinks it's a bad idea. He thinks it's too soon to try to force it."
"Well, if that's the case, I'd say we should hold off until he's convinced, because there's no point in trying to get them back together if James isn't on board," Remus said, much to Peter's relief, because he felt the same way, but didn't want to be the one to disappoint Lily.
"I knew you were going to say that," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Fine, we can hold off, but I'm telling you, they need a bit of a push to stop being idiots. You lot did it for James and I, and that worked. Honestly, we might not have gotten together yet without a push in the right direction."
"Well, that's true, but you and James are also a different category of idiots than Padfoot and Mary," Remus said, grinning. "Let's just wait and see how things play out, yeah?"
Lily sighed and nodded. "Yeah, all right." She glanced at Peter, then added, "Does Mary know you're not staying for Christmas?"
Peter nodded, feeling a slight sense of relief now that he had confessed his secret to over half the group. "We've made plans to go out for my birthday, actually."
"Good. Well, I think you should tell James and Sirius, and sooner rather than later, so James can plan accordingly," she said.
Peter chuckled and raised his eyebrows. "Plan accordingly for what?"
"Oh, I dunno, but I assume he's got elaborate Christmas plans, so he'll want to know that you won't be there." She got to her feet, then nudged him with her toe when she saw his face fall again. "Relax, it'll be fine. Come on, want to duel me for a bit before we head back?"