Unironically, Zaimokuza Yoshiteru Might Be The Key To The Cynic's Defeat
"Yes, there is definitely some improvement."
Yukino says as she laid down a stack of papers on the table, right beside Yui's own pile. In fact, each member of the club possessed one copy of said stack of paper.
It was Zaimokuza's manuscript.
Currently, we were back in the Service Club clubroom and in front of us was none other than the creator of this surprisingly well-written story, Zaimokuza Yoshiteru.
"I do have some issues understanding the genre but if I were to rate this just from the writing quality alone then it really is quite decent. I would not have imagined the same kind of writing to come from someone who wrote that abomination last year."
I nodded towards Yukino's statement. I felt the same while reading Zaimokuza's work.
His most recent output this time was about a guy from Japan transported to another world. It was basically another isekai iteration. Very original.
Sarcasm aside, it wasn't that bad. The premise may have been way too generic but once you get through the first 500 words or so, you'll notice how different this piece was from other isekai titles.
Instead of how the main character develops his powers, the novel's focus was more on the clash between the sense of values of a modern Japanese citizen compared to that of a person born and raised in a fantasy world of swords and magic.
The descriptions of the other world were vivid. Zaimokuza perfectly portrayed the majesty of the castles, the mysteriousness of ruins and the bloodiness of battlefields that it feels like you can see the sights he's imagining right in front of you.
Furthermore, a lot of care was given to his main characters. They don't feel artificial at all.
The protagonist was a pessimistic Japanese male, 25 years of age. A trauma from the past made him lose his confidence and self-worth. Now as a summoned hero, his struggles were not only limited to his fights to the death with monsters but also on how he consistently feels inadequate of his ability to perform his given role.
The heroine on the other hand was a gifted princess of the kingdom who summoned the protagonist. She was a prodigy who was skilled in both swordsmanship and sorcery. At a young age of 22, she already stands as one of the most powerful fighters of her own kingdom. However even with all her strength, it wasn't enough to make a significant difference in the eternal war between humans and demons which was one of the main setting of the world. Thus, despite how powerful she supposedly is, she could only feel lacking at her own capabilities.
The interactions between the two were, in my opinion, the best part of the novel. Here was a man who sees himself as useless, ending up with the greatest abilities in the world of the story while the confident prodigal girl on the other hand, recognizes how lacking all her talent was and proceeds to be humbled by said pessimistic hero.
Overall, it was a good mix of combat, romance, comedy, conflict, basically everything you can look for in a good novel.
It's main flaw however was the fact that it was an isekai. As mentioned earlier, the beginning of the novel was weak. For those who've read hundreds of this kind of development already, they'd probably drop this after seeing the first scene which was the protagonist's accidental death in the modern world.
The culprit was once again Truck-kun. What a surprise.
In the end, Zaimokuza's work could not go too astray from the isekai genre. The demons served no deeper purpose aside from being the enemy of mankind. The main still character ends up being the most powerful existence in the story. There were some scenes written just for the sake of making the main character look even cooler. There were also a lot of developments where the main character was just conveniently on the right place and right time or that he was just fashionably late, etc.
As a plus however, Zaimokuza didn't add harem as a subgenre. That would've definitely been a red flag, especially to Yukino.
Overall, the novel can be said to have its obvious high points while its biggest flaw is deeply rooted in the genre itself.
Had this been a plain fantasy novel instead then it would've definitely felt a bit fresher. However, I feel like Zaimokuza himself knows this fact more than anyone. He was the one who wrote this after all.
"My deepest gratitude for your kind words, Lady Yukinoshita."
Zaimokuza bowed solemnly after receiving Yukino's comment. He must've understood that the words he received from Yukino just now was, in the Ice Queen's dictionary, her genuine praise.
The red marks present on the manuscript were nothing more than grammatical errors, typographical mistakes and a lack or increase in spacing in some areas. If that was my output right there, I'd consider it a huge win.
"I like that you're using easier kanji this time. I was at least able to read it to the end, you know. I guess if I really have to say something then I'm not really fond of the ending too much…"
So says Yui with a gloomy look. Disregarding my shock at the fact that Yui actually finished reading this, what she said and did could already be taken as praise. Yui must have enjoyed it one way or another if she managed to finish it all.
The complaint about the ending was subjective so it didn't count. She was probably expecting a happy ending so that was why she ended up with disappointment in the first place. The ending was fine. It wasn't really tragic but by no means could it be described as something happy either.
"Thank you kindly, Lady Yuigahama."
Following Yui's comment was Komachi.
"Chuuni-san's work is really good. There were some parts that Komachi didn't quite understand but luckily, Onii-chan was there to fill in the blanks."
As much as Komachi wanted to slack off, she was now the Service Club's President after all so she had to power her way through this request. Furthermore, she was also the one who accepted this request in the first place, she possessed the responsibility to see things through. As her Onii-chan, I can't help but be proud of her.
"Your praise is very much appreciated, Lady Hikigaya."
Taishi, on the other hand…
"Umm, I'm very sorry but…"
Four pairs of eyes looked at him in disappointment before he could even get another word out. It looks like one of us didn't finish reading Zaimokuza's work after all.
"No… It's not what you think…. I finished it. I even think it's good too! It's just… It feels a little weird because the main characters are acting like people I know…"
"Ah, now that you mention it…"
"Yeah, I can see the resemblance…"
Taishi, Komachi and Yui alternately looked at me and Yukino for some reason while I notice Zaimokuza from the corner of my eye, sweating bullets profusely. That's what you get for wearing a trench coat in this kind of weather. It wasn't quite summer yet but as far as I know, spring isn't quite the time period to put in extra layers of clothing either.
"Hey Zaimokuza, what do they mean by that?"
"Well… The characters had to be referred from somewhere…"
That noncommittal reply he gave made me cast a suspicious glance towards his direction. Well, I guess bad habits die hard. He's always done something like this with his previous works as well. On the bright side, at least he's steered away from inserting his self into his own story. Then again, it kinda troubles me a little that I don't recognize who these characters are referenced from.
"Hmm, I see… I wonder from which series you ripped them off from."
"I guess that explains why the two leads are much more profound than the other characters."
While Yukino and I were holding our chin in thought, Taishi was only looking at us in disbelief and Zaimokuza breathed out a sigh of relief. Yui and Komachi seemed like they noticed something from this short exchange but the two opted to just whisper between themselves instead of sharing what they know to me and Yukino.
Unable to rein in my curiosity, I had wanted to ask what they knew before Zaimokuza interrupted my attempt.
"Nevermind that for now Hachiman, I want to hear your thoughts in this as well."
I sighed. Well, he was today's client after all so I suppose this will take priority. I could always ask Komachi what she knows when we get home anyways.
"My thoughts, huh."
Well, I think that most of what I wanted to say were already said by the other members so I decided to ask a question that was not technically about his story but is very much related to it.
"In that case and if you don't mind me asking, why did you decide on making an isekai story?"
"Well… Isn't that the trend nowadays?"
And here I thought there would be a deep reason or something. I wish I didn't try asking. Zaimokuza's answer only made me feel stupid.
"Forget I asked… At any rate, I think the work itself is good. If you correct all the things marked in red by Yukino then you'll probably put up a good fight in the contest."
Unless of course, if the jury has something against the isekai genre, but I kept that thought to myself.
"Is that all, Hachiman?"
"Well, I guess you should stop adding foreshadowing elements that were not resolved in the end. This is a short story that you're sending in for a contest after all. Everything needs to be complete at your ending. Be more consistent with the skill names too. I've also made a small note of my own for you to refer later. Hopefully, it helps."
While I can't offer much technical writing advice as Yukino over here, I just happened to be the most experienced in the Service Club when it comes to reading light novels in general, so what I wrote down for Zaimokuza highlights some of the traits I've observed that separate good light novels from average ones.
"Many thanks, Hachiman. Even in this life, truly you are a valuable comrade-in-arms."
And here I thought all those exaggerated lines of gratitude from earlier was him being flattered by praise he was not used to receiving, as it turns out, it was just Zaimokuza unleashing his chuuni persona once again. I guess even though his writing improved a whole lot, it seems some parts of Zaimokuza didn't change at all.
From the corner of my eye, I then see Yukino briefly glance at her phone before swiftly organizing her stuff and then standing up.
"We should go, Hachi. The others are probably all waiting for us."
"Right, let's go. See you guys later."
"Take care!"
I nodded towards both Yukino and Yui and the three of us went out of the clubroom after exchanging goodbyes with everyone.
However, one part of everyone did not seem capable of reading the mood.
"Wait, Hachiman, where are you going?"
"It's for another request. A study group…"
I then belatedly realized something as I finished uttering those words.
"Come to think of it. Aren't you in the Sciences?"
"Yes."
"Are you doing okay there?"
"Fairly decent, in my standards."
"Let us see your papers."
That command came from Yukino. As you would expect from Zaimokuza, once he was pressured by a person with a status overwhelmingly higher than his own… He obeys without question.
It didn't even take 20 seconds before Zaimokuza showed all of his test papers towards me, Yukino and Yui.
"Hoh, you weren't lying when you said fairly decent earlier."
"Chuuni-san is amazing, isn't he?"
I commented while I examined his scores briefly while Yui unintentionally fanned the flames of Zaimokuza's ego by praising him once again. One look at the smug expression that this incurable chuuni was making was enough for me to understand how proud he was of his scores.
At any rate, Zaimokuza's scores were on the same level as Ebina's, though around two to three steps lower. If you consider the fact that some of his studying time was burned in favor of writing his manuscript from earlier then it would not be an exaggeration to describe Zaimokuza as someone who was quite competent with his studies.
Of course, Yukinoshita Yukino understood this fact very well. I could more or less predict the next set of words she plans to say just from the faint glimmer of her lapis lazuli eyes.
"Zaitsu-kun."
Yukino might have gotten his name wrong but Zaimokuza was an open-minded individual. He already accepted the fact that he was being addressed directly by a girl of Yukino's caliber as a win and didn't dare push his luck, like trying to correct his name for example.
"You will join our study group. Understood?"
"Yes ma'am."
While I did expect her to do something like this, the way she just casually ordered Zaimokuza to join us instead of persuading normally was a surprise to me.
Although Zaimokuza answered her like a newbie in a company's department would respond to his manager, Yukino did not seem to mind it at all and just nodded contently.
I can't blame the guy really. I would've answered the exact same way. There is also no sense of betrayal because I can't really help him with his major after all. Sciences were definitely the bane of Hikigaya Hachiman'a existence... Next to tomatoes and excessive social interaction that is.
Of course, the reason for Yukino's invitation was obvious. She needed a student that can threaten Ebina's midterm rankings. One of my losing conditions in our bet did include having her or Hayama's ranks drop after all.
She was confident enough that given her input and Zaimokuza's base parameters, she would be able to make this incurable chuuni's scores surpass Ebina's. Right now, she put me in a situation wherein my efforts needed to make a positive impact on Ebina's scores otherwise, the bet was as good as lost on my side.
In chess terms, this would be a check.
Why Yukino was taking this way too seriously was beyond me.
If I wasn't scared of her winning from before, I sure as heck am scared now.
It seems my secret weapon will have to come into play after all.
Whether it will be enough to turn the tables or not is a different topic altogether though.
At the very least, I might be able to put up a good fight.
Who knows? Maybe she'll lighten her punishment on me if it was just a close win...
Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen.
Author's Note:
Now, Zaimokuza finally joins the gang.
I felt like the story was getting a bit harem-like because of all the interactions Hachiman has with the female cast so I had to add in some male characters to keep the balance.
Though writing Zaimokuza's lines are always a bit of a challenge because of his chuuni tendencies, I really would like to write more scenes with him and Hikigaya in the future because he is one of the few characters who can bring out Hikigaya's otaku traits.
With that, time to talk about last chapter's review.
While I did expect a comment like that somewhere along the line, I didn't expect for it to be said on that extra chapter in particular because Yukinoshita was talking about the talk they had with all the other girls.
Had that chapter been presented in Hikigaya's perspective then we would've missed the connection between SP 1 and 32 Extra.
So yeah, I'll keep your review in mind for now but realistically, I think it will be hard to follow because the extra chapters give more context to the entire story that can't be explained or seen from Hikigaya's own perspective.
By all means, I don't think badly of this review. In fact, I take your excitement for the main part of the story as the greatest praise for my work.
Besides, I upload at least two chapters per week and supposing one of those two is an extra chapter, I basically add another chapter to the main story once per week, which should not be that long of a wait all things considered, right?
Sorry for the long A/N but I hope we come to an understanding through this. As for all the other readers, feel free to speak your mind as well. There are times where I will respond like this or through editing my work but rest assured, I do read everyone's review and try to digest it as much as possible.
With all that being said, I stash my tools for the trade for now and I bid you all farewell.
Here's to hoping I'll be seeing you guys again and more in the next chapter.
Reviews, follows and faves are all very much appreciated.
May everyone's good wishes and realities intersect.
Mori Hikiko