Beta Reader: Waffle (Thank you for being the bestest!)
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Kiss Of Snow
By: Swanna
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Chapter 27: Ready To Fall
"Nishi Hongwanji temple?" Kondou's brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of what was said.
Itou lifted his chin and nodded. "Nishi Hongwanji has ample space to accommodate our men and it's also at the heart of Kyoto. It would be an excellent location for our headquarters."
Kondou rubbed his chin as he thought about it. "Toshi, what do you think?"
Itou's decision was one Hijikata agreed with and understood well. "Moving into the temple will restrict the movements of those Choshu scum."
The spy the Aizu Clan had sent to infiltrate the Choshu had been executed a couple of months ago. Since then, any information they had on those bastards was sketchy at best.
Itou's face wore an effeminate smile. "Great minds certainly think alike, Hijikata-san."
"This would also leave one of their hideouts entirely in our grasp," Sanosuke conceded.
Looking over at Shinpachi and Heisuke, they both nodded in agreement while Souji and Saito remained quiet as they listened on.
"The monks have been cooperating with the Choshu and allowing them to use the temple as they wish. They won't welcome us there," said Sannan, and his unease was apparent to everyone in the common room.
"Who cares about wanting their welcome. If they don't comply then we'll take over the temple by force." Hijikata's tone was purposely flat, with no room for compromise as he focused on the more important concern.
Sannan turned to Kondou, displeasure deepening his voice even more. "It would be uncouth to use brute force against monks and dire consequences would surely follow too."
"We can't claim to be Kyoto's enforcers if we don't use force when circumstances require it," Itou countered, his mannerism dripping with undisguised sarcasm.
But his response was right on the mark. Without the prospect of a peaceful negotiation, the use of force would be unavoidable.
After a moment of consideration, Kondou released a long, slow sigh before nodding his head and announced, "Then it's decided, we will move our base into Nishi Hongwanji."
"By the way, Sannan-san," Itou began again after a short silence. "I heard you suffered an arm injury so severe that it almost left you disabled. How did you make a complete recovery from such a dreadful injury?"
A warning voice inside Hijikata's head sprung to life. The abrupt question seemed to have been asked to discompose him. It was impossible for someone as obviously prepared as Itou to ask questions he didn't already know the answers to.
Although Sannan wasn't satisfied with the outcome of this meeting, he wasn't a man to be put off by a few strong words. Hence he answered Itou's query. "It was all thanks to Chizuru's incessant care and Hijikata-kun's family medicine."
"Oh? Family medicine, you say?" Itou's eyes were penetrating as they met Hijikata's across the room.
"The Ishida powdered medicine is very effective in treating wounds," said Saito, joining in the conversation.
"It sounds like I could have used some of Hijikata-san's medicine to heal my injury too." Itou's knowing smile only grew broader.
The bastard was trying his patience in every possible way. Still, he relaxed a fraction as his protective drive towards Asuna overcame his irritation.
Kondou chortled. "Well, at least now you know for next time."
"Next time? My, Kondou-san, I don't intend to break my wrist again."
Hijikata heard something in that statement, something that made his instincts snap to wakefulness. But he kept his silence, giving nothing of his inner thoughts away with his closed expression. Only his narrowed assessing gaze indicated that he had acknowledged Itou's discernment at all.
"Of course I don't wish misfortune on anyone." Kondou cleared his throat, seriousness replaced his amusement. "Since we've decided on the new location, we should make arrangements and prepare to move base as soon as possible."
And with that expressed delegation, the meeting was concluded. Everyone was rising from their seats to leave when Hijikata said, "Itou-san, can we talk?"
"Of course." Itou studied him briefly with a bemused expression, his fine eyebrows arched. "Why the long face, Hijikata-san? Does this have anything to do with that day?"
It was a good time to have this impending talk, particularly when they had already alluded to it. "Since we're both busy men, I'll cut to the chase. Are we going to have problems between us now? Or are we done with it?"
He could see in Itou's eyes that he was forming an answer to his questions, testing a reply in his mind. "I'm afraid I said too much that day and brought her wrath upon myself. Though can you really blame me for not taking a liking to her kind?"
Evidently this man was incredibly secretive, but Hijikata wasn't a Vice-Commander because he gave up at the first obstacle. He had learned to read the words others weren't saying. He'd learned to watch with his eyes, to see the feelings others hid so well. He could see through Itou's pretense enough that he felt confident in asking his next question.
"Are you saying you provoked Asuna because you harbor a grudge against them?"
It took him a moment to reply. "How could I not feel scorned after what her people have done to me. I could never forgive them."
Hijikata realized it was a very deliberate sharing of information. "You and I both know she has nothing to do with what happened to you. I also don't want strife to take root within the Shinsengumi."
"I understand, and I want the same thing for the Shinsengumi as you do. Please rest assured Hijikata-san, we're on the same side."
He asked the most important question without taking his eyes off Itou. "About your need, what are you planning to do about it?"
"My need?" Itou's response only came after several seconds of thought as realization dawned. "Ah, very clever. It's best to be discreet at all times since you never know who could hear through these walls. And to answer your question, I have my ways of managing it, so you really have nothing to be concerned about. I won't cause unnecessary hardship on our men."
Hijikata wondered at his methods to curb his bloodlust. Not that the details mattered. Whatever Itou decided to do was fine with him as long as it wouldn't bring problems to the Shinsengumi. But he still made a mental note to investigate in the near future, especially if the technique used was effective enough to direct the unstable mind of a Rasetsu.
"Then I will take your word for it."
"One more thing," Itou continued. "May I ask how she came in contact with the Shinsengumi?"
The inquisition wasn't unexpected or inconceivable, so he saw no harm in answering. "I wasn't aware of her identity until after we took her in."
"You don't think it's negligent of you to overlook her true nature and keep her here?"
"I trust her." The moment those three words left him, he was struck by the truth of them.
Hijikata had known this all along in a way. But it didn't matter how many times those words had hovered in his head, the moment he said it aloud the mighty force of realization swept over him in all its magnitude. Everything seemed to change the instant he acknowledged it in the open.
He knew she wouldn't betray him or the Shinsengumi.
He trusted her.
"You are an interesting man, Hijikata-san. Only you would speak of trust with her kind," Itou said with a soft giggle that was meant to obscure the animosity.
He ignored him and went on. "Given the situation, I'll assume her identity will be kept between us. Just as I'm sure you would want your secret kept with me."
A calculated pause, then Itou gave a tepid smile. "I'm glad we're able to mend our working relationship. I look forward to working together to further our goals and achieve greater prosperity for the Shinsengumi."
Hijikata didn't trust Kashitarou Itou an inch, but he acknowledged his wits and political acumen. Just as he acknowledged the fact that one day he might have to kill him - to ensure Itou didn't kill him first.
X X X
As Asuna waited in the garden, many faces both familiar and unfamiliar were passing to and fro. It seemed that Kondou had recruited more new members to the Shinsengumi recently. Several men were staring at her. Conscious of the fact that at any moment she would likely be receiving a bit of unwanted attention, she drew back further into the cooling shade under the tree. Her manner was so estranged and discouraging that not one of them hazarded a comment or approached her.
Hijikata appeared from around the corner and there was a girl beside him. Asuna recognized the human girl, Chizuru had mentioned her name was Hisako. She'd been here to visit her brother whom Kazama had almost killed at the bridge to Mount Ten'nou. That day felt as if it had just happened, yet at the same time it seemed like it had happened so long ago. She redirected her focus back to Hijikata and the girl. Since demons had far better hearing than mortals, she was able to hear their conversation from a distance.
"Do you want me to get someone to escort you back?" He asked.
Hisako shook her head, and one of the dangling hairpins came loose and clattered to the ground. She watched as they both bent down to pick it up, their hands closing over it at the same time, touching.
Asuna narrowed her eyes, unable to erase the image of Hijikata's fingers closing over the human girl's hand from her mind. The same fingers that had once laced through her hair, stroked her back with tenderness, and skimmed over the curve of her cheek until she'd felt ignited with a fiery heat.
"Sorry," they said in unison. Color burned hot and bright over the girl's cheekbones. And Asuna wanted to believe it was from embarrassment, not attraction.
Except she was a healthy young female, and Hijikata appeared to be a desirable man to many women. Wasn't this girl also the one who had brought him confusion when they'd had that conversation about finding a suitable mate for himself? It'd only be a matter of time before their true feelings would flood through each other.
Asuna was startled at the sudden, eerie sick feeling that penetrated into the pit of her stomach, and quickly repressed it. She didn't know where this strange feeling was coming from or why it overtook her and wouldn't let go. Perhaps through their shared conflicts, she had bonded with Hijikata in a way she couldn't imagine possible. And now the possessive nature of demons was seeping through her skin.
But none of this, whatever this was, would last. She would figure out a way to put all this behind her and carry on with her life as it had been before her path was crossed with the Shinsengumi.
Pushing aside her scattered thoughts for the moment, her eyes stayed fixed on Hisako as she slid the hairpin into place while Hijikata watched her.
"That bit there," he said, leaning forward as if he was going to touch her hair.
He made a motion with his hand, but when she looked at him in perplexity, he reached out to put her hairpin back into place for her before moving his hand away. Smiling, Hisako lowered her gaze as she thanked him.
In that instant, she met Asuna's eyes and held them. The smile faded from the girl's face briefly before she seemed to force it back on, dipping her head slightly in Asuna's direction. But Asuna didn't acknowledge her greeting. She simply ignored her and turned her head to Chizuru, who had just walked out with Souji from the house.
This would be an appropriate diversion. This would allow her to momentarily cast aside the complicated confusion and ill feeling caused by Hisako's appearance.
"Sorry to keep you waiting, Shinohara-san." Chizuru bowed in apology.
"Don't blame Chizuru-chan. I heard you were back and that you'd be training her today, I couldn't help myself from tagging along. After all, she's too kind of a person to shun me, isn't that right?" Souji hovered his hand over her head, ruffling her hair playfully.
It didn't escape Asuna's notice that he looked notably more tired than usual. Dark circles ringed his eyes and his pallid complexion seemed sickly white. Likely Souji was trying to put up a false front to hide it. He realized his bravery in the face of utter despair was the only way he was going to survive this. To survive and serve out the remainder of his time at the Shinsengumi, which meant his life to him.
Chizuru dodged away from him and grimaced as she smoothed her hair back into some semblance of its original style. The bangs almost draping over her eyes shaded her face from anyone's attention. "You didn't do anything wrong, Okita-san. So why would anyone shun you?"
"You only see the good in people. You're not going to live long if you keep being so honest and trusting. You should be more like Asuna-chan, sh-"
"I'm more critical?" she interrupted, cutting him off before he could finish his statement.
A spark of amusement shone in his eyes. "Oh? You can read my mind now?"
"It's not all that difficult to guess the nature of your thoughts sometimes."
"Really? Then do you know what I'm thinking right now?" he asked her, purposely letting his eyes roam over her face, touching on each feature.
She knew he wanted to see if her pride would make her look the fool, but she refused to take the bait. "As the Shinsengumi's Captain of the first division, you certainly have a lot of time to loaf."
Souji let out a hearty chuckle. "That's cold, Asuna-chan. You're not wrong, but that's cold. And I've been missing you since you were gone too. Did I ever cross your mind at all?"
Asuna looked up into those indescribable emerald eyes of his. Forests, she thought. She had always seen forests in Souji's clear gaze, a freedom that was his gift to her whenever their eyes met.
"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to." It was a quiet caution, somewhere between a warning and a threat.
"That's enough distraction for now, Okita-san. I still have a lot of chores to finish after dinner," said Chizuru with a discontented frown. There was no sign of humor at all.
"Alright, alright, I understand. I will move aside and let you two get on with your training."
Unfortunately, Souji looked as if he was here to stay and observe, Asuna noted as she watched him making his way into the tree's shadow, away from the intense sunlight. He seemed perfectly content where he was, so she decided to let him be and turned back to Chizuru who stood awaiting further instructions.
"Show me what you've been practicing."
Nodding her head tersely in readiness, Chizuru's determination flared to new heights and she almost seemed to quiver with measured purpose.
"Hijikata-san, who is that over there? I don't think I've ever seen her around here before," asked Hisako.
There was a look of avid curiosity in her eyes as she stared straight in front of her. He followed her line of sight and could see Asuna's face quite clearly. The light sheen of sweat made her skin glow and her aquamarine eyes glimmered in the sun. She moved with such fluid grace. The precise, formalized movements spoke not only of combat, but of an attempt to find balance between challenge and nurturance.
Somehow Hijikata found the strength to tear his gaze away and answer the question. "She is Kondou-san's niece."
"I see…She's very beautiful."
Beautiful…The word rung in his head.
Asuna wasn't just beautiful, she was stunning. As though beauty hadn't been simply applied to her, but it was a thing that radiated from deep within her, illuminating everything about her.
"Does she live here as well?" Hisako's voice was studiously careless, but the gleam of anxiety in her eyes betrayed her true feelings.
He understood the reason for her curiosity about Asuna far too well, so he replied in an effort to forestall the inquisition. "Yeah, she's staying with us for the time being."
"Hisako, are you here causing trouble for our Vice-Commander again?" Arata's timing couldn't have been better when he approached them from behind.
"What? Of course not! I'm here to deliver the tofu and vegetables," she shot back, eyes batting in furious splendor.
Hijikata didn't know much about the siblings. From what Shinpachi had told him, their parents had passed away when they were young. Since then, they had been inseparable their whole lives. As Hisako was five years younger than her brother, he had always looked after her in one way or the other, and she also worshipped the ground he walked on. Both of them had never worn their hearts on their sleeves, but it was clear without saying that they loved each other.
"You should escort your sister back. Kyoto isn't the safest place for a girl to walk alone." His glance fell from Arata and went back to the sister. "And you also don't have to go out of your way to make deliveries anymore. Moving forward, we will send men to pick up the produce from your shop directly."
The manner with which he addressed the siblings left no room for argument. It effectively reminded them that he was the Vice-Commander and was used to being obeyed. Hisako knew at this point she had to cooperate. She was only allowed in on an exceptional basis since she wasn't a typical visitor who could come and go within the Shinsengumi's compounds as she pleased.
A conflict of emotions visibly crossed her face. "But I-"
"You should listen to Hijikata-san, this is for your own safety."
"Brother!" She began to protest. But soon became silent after seeing the stern look on Arata's face, cutting her short.
"Don't be a brat now and let's get going. I still have patrol duty with Nagakura-san later," Arata told her before turning to Hijikata and performing a deep bow. "We'll take our leave now, Vice-Commander."
Hisako followed the gesture, immediately bowing before they strolled off together. Hijikata's last glance caught her looking back at him, nodding a farewell. Several seconds after they were out of sight, he walked over to join Souji under the tree. Their eyes flickered over each other in acknowledgement, and then they both turned their attention back to the women as they continued to spar on the training ground.
"What are you doing out here instead of resting in bed?"
"Making sure the city isn't run by ronin and scoundrels, of course. Is it, by the way?"
"Of course it is," said Hijikata, arms folded across his chest. "If that isn't the case, then we would have been out of a job a long time ago."
A twist of a grin on his lips. "It's rare to see a woman leaving your side with a dissatisfied look on her face."
Hijikata glared at him from the corner of his eye. He wasn't sure where this abrasive attitude was coming from, and he was too annoyed to care.
"Does that tongue of yours ever stop waggling? It's one thing if you want to run your damn mouth and start another rumor to ruin my reputation, but she's just a child."
"If she's old enough to marry, she's old enough not to be treated as a child. But it wouldn't matter a scrap to you since you're not one bit interested anyway," Souji retorted, his grin growing mischievous.
He let his glare linger a moment longer, showing what he thought of that proclamation. "I'm surprised I'm standing here listening to your crap when there's so much work waiting to be done."
Glancing away, Hijikata watched as Asuna sprang straight at Chizuru, swinging the wooden stick at her head. Chizuru ducked, obviously taken by surprise. She managed to parry the attack aimed at her face, but missed the return swing of the weapon, which caught her a solid blow on the hip and staggered back. But she picked herself back up and kept going.
"And I notice you changed the subject pretty fast."
A sliver of guilt once again crept into Hijikata's conscience, pushing for focus. Thinking back, he hadn't meant to be that harsh on Hisako. But it wouldn't be a kindness to keep her so close when he was aware of her feelings for him. It would only encourage her to hope. Dejected in love himself, he understood the pain unrequited love carried and wouldn't wish the same for her. Which was why he felt obliged to rectify the situation.
"There is nothing more to say on that subject," he paused long enough to let the last statement sink in, dismounted, and started issuing orders regarding his plans for Itou. "If you think you're up for it, I want you to continue keeping your eyes and ears open on what happens around Itou. I don't want you to pry around. I just want you to report to me if you find anything suspicious."
The change in their conversation's direction immediately refocused Souji's thinking. "He sure as hell has a lot of loyal followers. Very smooth and charming."
"Kondou-san also seems to think he walks on water too. That's why it will be our responsibility to shield him from disappointment and harm." A feeling of apprehension built in his gut as he made those remarks but he kept his tone even, controlled. "I know you don't like the man, but at least act civil to him."
"I'm already being civil."
Hijikata scoffed. "Barely."
Souji raised a brow at him. "I'm being as civil as any other Captains are expected to be. Unless you want me to shower him with smiles and cheerful greetings?"
A frustrated breath escaped him. "Of course not. But I do expect you not to look like you're about to slit his throat every time you're in the same room together."
Although oftentimes Souji would disagree with him at every point or just poke fun at his opinions, he knew in the end the man's thoughts were parallel with his own – at least where Kondou was concerned.
"You're right, I really don't like him. But I'll try to be more civil to him." With no change in his faintly sardonic expression, he then asked, "By the way, have you ever found out how someone gets turned into a Rasetsu?"
His unexpected question made Hijikata cock his head at him inquisitively. "Why the sudden interest in Rasetsu after all this time?"
"Irrelevant curiosity."
Frowning, he studied Souji with an alert, suspicious gaze. "You never ask irrelevant questions unless you're up to no good, and your curiosity always means something. Why exactly do you want to know?"
He wanted to remain annoyed. In all truth, he was often dismayed by Souji's unscrupulous acts and violence. It was a facet of his personality that at times had struck Hijikata as wrong somehow, not always morally, though of course it was that as well. But simply because it didn't quite seem to belong to the boy he'd known for years.
And Souji was so peculiar about his actions and thoughts too. He wouldn't offer explanations or excuses for his behavior, and tended to become mocking or blandly uncommunicative if he was being pressed further. But Hijikata had been observing him, and he was puzzled. On the face of it, most would say that Souji had kept his feelings hidden; his childish displays didn't accord with the dignity of his intelligence. However, his ability to mask his true feelings had become a double-edged sword.
In reality, Hijikata had always known Souji was sad. As a child at the age of nine, he'd already felt he was truly alone in this world. His parents had died when he had only been seven and his older sister had abandoned him. All those related to him by blood had broken his heart. And now, everything he had worked for and gained was lost due to his deteriorating illness. He had seen far too much of life's ugly side while being denied a chance at childhood.
Even though Souji had grown and learned to keep his thoughts behind an impenetrable façade with ease, sometimes he couldn't silence his external monologue. And lately it had enjoyed free rein.
"What are you guys all doing here?" Heisuke's voice cut sharply into his thoughts.
"Watching Chizuru-chan's training session with Asuna-chan," Souji replied, conveniently avoiding Hijikata's question. Although he wanted to continue with the conversation, he decided to let it go. For now.
"It looks like Chizuru has gotten better at sword fighting," Heisuke commented after a moment.
Hijikata agreed. However, she was far from being a serious opponent for Asuna, who could knock her down at will, if not as ferociously as on their first day of practice according to Souji.
"Yukimura still has a long way to go to be considered good. But with Saito and Asuna's training, her sword skill will naturally get better. Even though she's not here to swing a sword, she should at least be able to defend herself from danger."
Asuna sprang, advancing on Chizuru the third time. This time, Chizuru seemed ready. Asuna swung the wooden sword at her chest, and she tried to block it. The dull end of the stick still hit her in the ribs, hard enough to hurt, but not hard enough to break a bone or two. Chizuru stumbled and fell backward. In that instant, Asuna's weapon was coming straight down in an arc, ready to strike Chizuru in the head and there was nowhere for her to escape.
At the last crucial moment, Chizuru grabbed a handful of soil and threw it at Asuna's face. Although she managed to block most of it with her sleeve across her eyes, the action gave Chizuru enough time to scramble across the ground and quickly rise back to her feet. Pressing her advantage, Chizuru then launched herself at Asuna, swinging the sword in both hands.
Asuna dodged the attack by sidestepping out of the way right before the sword made contact with her. She then kicked the weapon out of Chizuru's hands and it flew up into the air. With a twist of her wrist, Asuna struck Chizuru in the stomach as she stood there in shock. She bent down in pain, clutching her midsection. And just like that, the fight was over.
With jaw half-dropped, Heisuke was the first one to break the awkward silence. "Chizuru, where did you learn to fight so dirty?"
Souji suddenly burst into laughter while Chizuru stood there speechless, ashamed. It didn't take a genius to guess that Souji was the one who taught her to use this ploy to her advantage if it looked like she might lose.
Seeing that Chizuru was already mortified over what she did to Asuna, Hijikata said to her, "You're not a samurai or a warrior, there's no such thing as fighting with honor for you."
Despite those words of comfort, Chizuru still appeared deterred when she cast a glance at Asuna, as if seeking her approval and understanding.
When all eyes turned to Asuna and the atmosphere quieted, she spoke at last with a regal air. "In the face of danger, you will need to use everything in your arsenal to survive. You did what you had to do, and you did it well."
Hijikata was surprised. This was the first time he'd ever seen Asuna complimenting anything or anyone in a substantial way. As a matter of fact, it was the first time she had ever shown the feeling that she openly accepted someone's action. This probably meant a lot to Chizuru, as Asuna's respect appeared to be something she'd wanted more than almost anything else these days.
"When you got approval from two of the toughest mentors, you know you've done a good job!" Souji patted her head, smiling broadly with warmth that seemed genuine.
She let out a breath as if she had been holding it the entire time. "I'm so relieved."
"Your extra practice has improved your swordsmanship. Before, you would have been struck down in one hit. Today you were able to prolong the inevitable," said Asuna.
"The inevitable." Souji's chuckle was low and throaty. "I really love the way you talk."
"Is there something wrong with the way I talk?" When she looked very pointedly at him, he pretended not to catch her meaning and focused on her face instead.
"Nevermind it. You have something on your face." He came towards her, reaching for her cheek.
Hijikata felt the irrational urge to intercept him, a surge of possessiveness so unusual that it even startled himself. Damn it to hell, he didn't want another man touching her. The thought was unsettling, particularly since he had no claim on Asuna. But it didn't impede him from grabbing Souji by the forearm and stopping him before his fingers made contact with her.
"She doesn't need your help." His tone was quiet, yet relentlessly hard.
Still smiling, Souji glanced back at him with an inscrutable expression. "Acting fast now aren't we, Hijikata-san?"
He knew without a doubt that whatever Souji had suspected he was feeling towards Asuna, those suspicions were now growing into certainty. Yet he didn't give a damn what the man thought as he had nothing to hide, nothing to regret. He had been through all that before, and he had no desire to dip his head back in to those waters.
"Shinohara-san, please allow me." Chizuru wiped her face with a white handkerchief she retrieved from where it was tucked into her obi. "I'm really sorry that I've soiled your kimono too. I will help you wash it later."
Disinterested, Asuna drew away and said, "Don't worry about it. We should continue with our training."
As they resumed their practice, Hijikata turned to the men and said, "And you two should also return to your posts too. Work won't get done by itself."
He then walked away from them and proceeded to the courtyard where he knew Sanosuke and his division would be there waiting for him. Time to get his mind back on work.
Glancing at the group of men, it suddenly hit him how much these new recruits must mean to Kondou if he was willing to move their headquarters to Nishi Hongwanji. The Shinsengumi were not only expanding, but all this was also a means of transformation. To Hijikata, it was quite an impressive feat for them to reach this new peak of success. Given some time, the Shinsengumi would make a name for themselves that would live on even after they died and resonate throughout history.
But he knew he was getting ahead of himself, especially when the new members still needed a lot of training to make them what he wanted them to be. He recognized that the Shinsengumi already had a good foundation to make something great in their soon-to-be new headquarters. Hijikata needed this. He had always needed this, as the quiet life of a merchant would have been the death of him. His past would have maliciously eaten him alive.
Shaking himself mentally, he commanded for the men to gather and work on their formation and movements. This was going to be a long day, he thought as he yelled at them to hurry.
X X X
Hijikata put down the writing brush and cleaned the ink stone, breathing a deep sigh of satisfaction at the completion of the thick pile of documents. The finished papers were placed on the floor at the corner of the room to dry. He didn't realize how dark it was until he stepped out of his quarters. It was nighttime already; bright stars arched high and clear over the dark sky.
Just as he'd thought, it had been a grueling day for him. As a matter of fact, they all were nowadays. He was always up before the dawn and didn't finish until late into the night. But too much had happened today and most of the day's events had been galling. He had been holding himself in too long. His tight nerves needed release as he was starting to lose concentration under the enervating summer heat. Every muscle ached when he finally made his way to the bathhouse. A hot bath should wash away his exhaustion and rejuvenate his energies.
Hijikata pulled the screen door to the inner room of the bathhouse and froze.
Asuna was standing there stark naked, blithely tilting the basin high over her head forward, allowing a deluge of water to fall over her, through her hair, down her face and over her shoulders. Little rivulets of water cascaded down her long raven hair that clung to her waist like a waterfall; smooth, graceful and sensual. His heart seized and he couldn't draw a breath. Opening her eyes, she glanced his way and stopped.
Time halted, seconds fractured. Neither of them looked away. In the shadowy darkness, her eyes seemed greener than usual. Body gleaming wet, she made no attempt to cover up even though her clothes were close by. Staring at her standing before him so proud and beautiful, so damn beautiful, he had to fight with every ounce of his strength not to cross the room and pull her into his arms to claim her mouth with his own.
The muscles in his jaw twitched as he steeled himself to spin away. His back was towards her when he said apologetically, "I didn't know you were in here. I will leave at once."
Once outside, even though Hijikata's thoughts were in a complete whirl, he had enough sense to stand guard in front of the bathhouse and not allow anyone to barge in on her, repeating the same mistake he'd just made. He didn't much want to do this as he doubted his willpower, strong though it was, would be enough to keep him outside the door for long. But it was for her protection.
He had never seen Asuna without clothes, but he'd imagined her more than he cared to admit. Too many times to count, too many times to wish for. But this, this was something else. His wildest dreams were nothing compared to the reality of her.
He recalled how he hadn't been able to keep his eyes from her. Or how his pulse had thrummed at the sight of the high swell of her breasts with rose-bud nipples, a small and clearly defined waist, slim hips and long, slender legs. Her body was perfect. Everything about her was so perfect, so unreal.
A jolt of quivery heat spread through him. His every muscle taut and his body rock hard with a sudden, furious arousal that made him burn. Inwardly cursing his own weakness, Hijikata gave a hard shake of his head as his thoughts wandered to places they shouldn't. If this was some sort of sick divine joke the fates had callously played upon him, he didn't find it funny. It was in fact, very far beyond amusing.
Fuck.
It wasn't long before Asuna came out, and she was not much surprised to see him standing there. There was no hint of any apparent emotion, not even a frown or a twitch of her eyebrows. He couldn't discern the expression on her face. She only stared back at him as if she knew the salacious images she herself had conjured up in his head would return to haunt him mercilessly tonight. And many more nights to come. After several long heartbeats, she finally looked away.
"If you want to offer me an apology for what happened, then forget it." Those were her first words to him; her tone as chilling as the most brittle of frost. "I don't normally use the bathhouse at this time of the day, so it's not entirely your fault. Just forget that it happened."
Hijikata should have let her walked away. And he should've turned around right this second and leave. There was a reason he'd always made sure never to be alone with Asuna in this kind of a mood.
But it was too late.
He couldn't help the longing he felt for her. It overwhelmed his sensibilities, overshadowed his better instincts. Instead, he shoved aside the voice of reason and stalked over to her. She attempted to evade him, but he had already moved to trap her before him, his hands braced against the wall on either side of her body.
"I just saw you without a thread of clothing, and you're telling me you still feel nothing at all?" Hijikata murmured softly. He had seen beneath her icy shell of self-protectiveness, and he was never going to allow her to bury the woman he'd had a glimpse of that night. "Will you for once stop thinking of me as a pesky human or the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander, and simply see me as a man?"
Shocking her with the boldness of his statement, her head jerked up and he caught sight of something lost in her eyes before she got herself under control again. It was as though she was genuinely unaffected by all of this. And he would've believed her, if not for her skin that was still damp, with droplets of water dripping from her slightly disheveled hair. The mere fact that she hadn't dried herself properly before rushing out of the bathhouse showed her nonchalant act was just that, an act.
"Don't touch me." Although Asuna's blank stare was wary with cautiousness now, her voice held an imploring softness. One that he had never heard from her before.
It was a valid command. Except this time something was different. Something in Hijikata rebelled against accepting it. That one single moment when he'd seen all of her, his body went rigid with a desire that consumed him. He wanted to stay in control, but couldn't.
"I haven't been touching you. This…" His forefinger tracing a lingering trail from her temple down to her high cheekbone, smoothing away those wet silken strands that always had him imagining spread out all over his hands. He then gently tucked a runaway lock of hair behind her ear. "This is touching you. And skin privilege or not, if you're really unmoved by me then my touch won't have any power to affect you, will it?"
Her scent made his head spin. The look on her face was enough to make him drunk. He had thought her captivating from the first moment he'd laid his eyes on her. But looking down into her face right now, so fair and beautiful, brought on a surge of emotion he had never felt before shoot through him.
Before he could tell himself it was a bad idea, his gaze dropped to her mouth. "About the affection and desire that we talked about before, are you curious to find out?"
Her body stilled. "What?"
Hijikata felt winded himself, though from the need pounding through him. The desire between them swirled in the air with the humid night breeze.
"Don't you want to experience it?" He ran his thumb over the softness of her lower lip, wanting to taste her again more than he wanted to breathe.
"Don't," Asuna spoke in a breathless whisper, her lips parting slightly as if she had been privy to his thoughts.
Her hand was flattened against his chest, but not with enough force to make him think of it as a serious protest. Slowly, he took her hand from his chest and held it in his own. It lay smooth and soft against his calluses. His face leaned closer to hers and stopped when he was only a matter of inches away, giving her the last moment of opportunity to escape his embrace. Seconds later when she still remained perfectly motionless, it was more than enough encouragement for him.
Hijikata lowered his head and instead of a deep, satisfying kiss, he brushed his lips across hers in the lightest and most tantalizing of caresses. Though their lips barely touched, his mouth felt scorched. He reveled in the sweet taste of her, in the way she felt so right in his arms. Eyes narrowed, he watched her expression cautiously for signs of discomfort and when he saw none, he touched his lips to hers again. It was all he could do not to take her face in his hands and kiss her until neither one of them could think straight.
She didn't move away or respond to his kiss. The aquamarine eyes staring into his were wide, almost innocent with wonder. A calmness within which belied the way her heart pounded so hard within her chest and the jagged breath that she couldn't hide. Her response roused him, it satisfied him in some way because she felt this connection between them as well. He could see that she had felt it too, and like him, she was just as helpless to fight against it. Asuna could banish her emotions, but it was far harder to deny the body's primal need for touch.
A few loud guffaws from Shinpachi and the others suddenly echoed from afar, breaking their kiss. Startled, Asuna snapped out of her daze and ducked out from under his arm to slip past him. Hijikata held his pose, not reaching out to stop her from leaving, not moving a muscle. He simply stayed where he was, not trusting himself to move closer to her again while she ran off. Only then did he allow his hands to curl into fists against the wall.
Not in anger. But in pure determination.
X X X
Asuna rushed back into her quarters and shut the door, pressing her back against it. The moonlight beamed through the screen window, illuminating the dark room. Her heart was still thudding furiously in her chest, and her mind circled, trying to absorb what had happened. She felt as if the shields that she'd erected in her life to protect herself began to unravel and collapsed around her feet.
For a second, she thought the darkness was invading her mind again. But no, this strange sense of chaos was something else entirely. It was even more erratic and dangerous. A nebulous feeling of letting go of control and surrendering until she lost sense of herself and what she was doing. It was as though it would destroy her on a far more fundamental level, a level that threatened to obliterate her very being.
Without thinking, her fingers touched her lips. Her mind traveled to Hijikata and the odd tingling sensations his lips had aroused when they touched her skin. Asuna had never been kissed before and never felt the slightest inclination to indulge further. His movement had been so languorous, so subtle and yet she'd failed to cease the frightening tide of emotion coursing through her. She knew she should've pushed him off, she should've moved away and put some distance between them so she could think. But she didn't. She couldn't. Her feet had refused to respond, and her curiosity was far stronger than her sense of propriety.
His features were as striking and strong as ever, but it was his eyes that had held her captive. The color of his irises had darkened to blue-violet when his gaze had captured hers. Those eyes that could glow with such warmth, the intensity in his expression had sent a shiver through her and left her breathless. She couldn't tell why, but he was awakening feelings no one had before; an explicit kind of hunger that roared to life now. Never in her existence had she felt this much sensation.
Asuna couldn't forget the way he had watched her with those eyes tempered by yearning, and the pleasure he had taken from touching her. Though it had been the pleasure that had almost broken her. It had also been the need she'd felt in him, the need for touch. Disturbed by her own reaction to him and by the realization she could see in his gaze, she had to forcibly clamp down on the confining stream of memory.
She wasn't that naïve. A man like Hijikata Toshizou was bound to have had more than his share of women. It was a fair assumption that most females would only be too willing to succumb to him. Females who were at home with their sensuality, unreserved and eager enough to take him on. He was someone who couldn't live without affectionate touches, he had no need for a woman who cared nothing about affection. So why would he seek her attention? A demon, the mortals' destined enemy.
Grim reality wiped away every trace of lingering sensation. She remembered with clarity the deathless fire of hatred she'd seen in the humans' eyes that night at the forest when they had accused her of being from a race of killers. The pain, the desperation. Mortals would always come together for their own people. Unexpected sharp pains stabbed her stomach, but Asuna stood her ground and forced herself to face the truth.
It didn't matter even if Hijikata wasn't like the rest of his people who would exploit demons, exploit her to get what they wanted. It also didn't matter when he had started having those intimate thoughts of her or what he thought he was feeling for her, he would only fall into the imminent trap of wanting a woman who would never give of herself. It was time she stopped letting him blind her with emotions and having her believe something as improbable as sharing a bond despite their differences was possible. In the end, where she might've easily forgotten everything else, she would never forget that she was a demon.
And he was the enemy.
X X X
AUTHOR NOTE:
I had planned for this kiss scene over five years ago and it feels SO good to finally have it written down lol! Yes, yes, I know what you guys want to say - I could've written the scene down by itself or do a one-shot, but it's not the same. It's all about building up to that specific moment so that I'd be overwhelmed with emotions when I write it! And I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but I have to change the rating to Mature now – just to be on the safe side for obvious reasons (sorry kids).
Anyway, we have officially entered the second arc of the story. I can't believe I've written over 130k words already and this would've been the first book if it was a series! Thanks for everyone's continuous love and support as always. Alrighty folks, it's time for me to wrap up this chapter! See you all next time!