Hi! Sorry this took quite a while. I've been out of town a lot the past few weeks, which has included spending a lot of time on a plane. Planes somehow just drain my energy, both creative and otherwise. I hope you enjoy, though.

I'm so sorry.

He knows what she's sorry about, but she has no reason to be. None of it was her fault.

Really, he can't think of the last time anything was actually Tohru's fault.

He knows what he does next isn't going to solve anything for her. She'll probably end up reading it, and then sitting at work fretting over it for the rest of the day— "His tone was off…" "No emojis?" "I really messed up." "Does he still love me?"

But he says it anyway: Everything's okay.

Because that's the truth; when it comes to them, everything is okay, as far as he's concerned. And of course he still loves her. He became aware of the fact that Tohru's life is messy long ago, and he loves her all the more for it because she handles it with strength. Even after everything she's been through in her 20 years, even though the world has seemingly been against her ever since she was born, she hasn't let anything take her kind heart from her.

She's stronger than he is. Way stronger. And just generally a better person, too.

He adds a second text: Want to spend the night at my place tonight?

The response comes quickly, but now it's his turn to worry.

Okay, yes.

That wasn't incredibly enthusiastic.

Does she really not think everything is okay with them?

He wants to call her. He needs to hear her voice, even though she's at work and she might not answer. At least he'd get to hear her voicemail message. But right before he can hit the "call" button, Kunimitsu yells for him.

He shakes his head and tucks his phone back into his bag.

Itsuki doesn't come into the office at all today, thank god. Tohru mostly gets left alone, kept busy with her paperwork and answering the phone, and that's how she likes it—she doesn't think she can handle much in-person communication today.

She packs up her things and leaves promptly at 5:30, trying to dodge any coworkers that might come talk to her. She bites back a groan as she steps into the elevator. How stupid, to be afraid of her own coworkers. Maybe she should just find another job. No...that would just make her stupid and a coward, wouldn't it?

Once she's outside, a cold wind blows by, ruffling her hair and leaving her just generally freezing. She's never been any good at leaving the house prepared for adverse weather, but there's no use complaining about it, so she just hikes her bag up higher on her shoulder and crosses her arms over herself as she starts walking.

"Didn't bring a coat?"

Tohru squeaks, and she's sure she must jump 3 feet in the air in surprise. But she knows the voice, so she's able to compose herself quickly, and walks over to its source.

Kyo wraps his arms around her, and she tilts her head up to look at him.

"I didn't think it would be cold today," she says softly.

"It's March, dummy." He lets go of her for a second, pulls off his own coat, and puts it around her shoulders.

"N-no," she insists, trying to push it back to him. "I'm fine, really."

"Hey." He leans down until their faces are level and just centimeters apart, and Tohru's breath catches, whatever words she was going to say next now dead in her throat. He presses a kiss to her temple. "Just take the coat."

She nods a little, and he straightens back up, taking her hand. "Do you still want to come over?"

"Mm-hmm. I didn't know you were going to come get me, though."

He gives her a little tug, and they start walking. "I couldn't wait any longer," he says simply.

And Tohru still feels just a tiny bit awkward after last night, so all that comes out when she opens her mouth is, "Oh."

He lets out a tight chuckle but doesn't say anything else, so they're quiet as they head to the station. Tohru hates silence. If it's quiet around her, her thoughts increase in volume until she can't ignore them anymore, and she ends up feeling too much. She's never dreaded silence with Kyo, though—his presence alone has always been enough to keep her from drowning. But right now, it's tense, and she feels herself start to spiral.

She spends the train ride and the rest of the walk to his apartment trying to calm herself down, and before she knows it, he's unlocking his front door and holding it open for her. She steps in and looks around, grateful for the new distraction.

"Want something to drink?" he asks, moving into the kitchen. Tohru stays frozen in the genkan, feeling awkward and out of place. Even though she's obviously known it's the case, it's still a little odd to think of Kyo living on his own and not being surrounded by the chaos that was life in Shigure's house. "I've got…" She hears the fridge door open, then Kyo groans and adds, "I only have water and milk."

That makes her smile a little—not everything has changed. She takes off her shoes and heads into the kitchen with him. "Water's good. Thank you."

He nods and takes out two bottles, passing her one and keeping the other near him.

Tohru busies herself for a moment with opening the bottle and taking a sip, hoping he'll say something in that time. But he doesn't, so she feels pressured to do it instead. "Um…" she says after she swallows, "so, why haven't you invited me here before?"

"Eh…" he mumbles. He lifts an arm and gestures vaguely to the main room of the apartment. "It's, ya know…" She raises an eyebrow, prompting him to continue. "Cramped and a mess."

She keeps an eyebrow up as her eyes do another sweep of the apartment. It's just like everything in Kyo's physical life has always been—spotless and organized.

Maybe inviting her here before would have just been too intense for him. Made everything too real.

"Uh…" he adds, "you don't have to wait for an invitation, though. I mean, you're welcome here anytime."

"I didn't know where it was," she points out.

His face lights up red. "Oh. Yeah."

Tohru spares him from more interrogation, instead shrugging off the coat he loaned her and handing it to him. As he goes back to the genkan to hang it up, she feels her stomach churn. She's been anxious about this all day—about having to face him after how she'd behaved the night before, about whether things would be weird between them. And now things are weird. She can feel it. It makes her feel like she's going to throw up. So, once he's back in the room, she blurts, "I'm so sorry, Kyo-kun."

He tilts his head to the side, looking more than a little confused. "Yeah, but...why, exactly?"

"Ah, that's...um…" she mumbles, really not wanting to have to say it all aloud.

"Well, I know why, but I mean...you just don't need to be sorry. None of that was your fault."

"But I—"

Kyo moves across the room to her, and it cuts her off when he puts a finger under her chin and tilts it up so their eyes meet. "Stop," he whispers. "It's not your fault. It's not."

"I don't want things to be weird between us," she says, voice breaking. He shakes his head.

"Nothing's weird. I love you. I'm in love with you. Everything's okay. If you still love me, too, I mean."

Her eyes widen a little. "Of course I still love you. I love you so much."

He smiles and leans down, kissing her sweetly before saying, "Good."

She smiles back and slides her arms around his middle, tugging him closer.

"So how are you feeling?" he asks.

"Okay. I didn't have to see him today. I've mostly been worried about us."

"You never have to worry about us."

"Good to know." She kisses his collarbone, all she access to with their height difference.

"What do you wanna do tonight?" he asks, pulling back to look at her.

"Mm, well…I may have a couple of ideas now." He waits for her to continue, but she trails off there. She's not really sure what kind of look she must have on her face, but it's something, because it only takes him a split second to understand.

His eyes darken. It makes her dizzy.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

He smirks, and she knows right then that he's going to tease her. "Well, are you gonna tell me, or what?"

She sighs. "Y-you know…"

"You know how dumb I can be. Just tell me."

So she gives in and does, though not with words. She surges forward, and he leans his head down to meet her. She kisses him, deep and warm and passionate. He sighs against her lips and bends down more, moving his hands to the back of her thighs and picking her up. He moves them to the couch, and she positions herself so she's straddling his lap. He works at the buttons on her blouse while she kisses his neck.

"This is going to sound weird," he says, then swallows hard. "But you look really hot in your work clothes. Like, even hotter than usual."

She giggles, lips still against his skin. "That does sound weird. But I'm glad you think so."

He laughs in return, gets the last button undone and pushes her shirt off and onto the floor, then kisses her again.

And with that, just like every time he kisses her, suddenly nothing else really matters anymore. Itsuki is the farthest thing from her mind, along with the prying eyes of their coworkers, and the fear she'd felt last night.

All she can feel is Kyo's lips and hands and love.

She never wants to have to feel anything else ever again.

When Tohru opens her eyes again, she sees Kyo staring at her, face just inches away. She blinks in surprise, and he feels a blush creep across his nose at being caught. He's sure she wants to ask what he's doing, but all she can do for the moment is take a deep breath and raise an eyebrow. He answers her silent question, as on top of her emotions as always.

"You're just beautiful…"

She laughs a little. She's lying there with her hair a mess from him pulling it, a hand over her mouth as she tries to steady her breathing, ruddy cheeks, and a layer of sweat clinging to her skin.

"You're a liar," she pants out.

He shakes his head and smiles. "Whatever." He bends down and kisses her nose, then moves off of her. He holds open his arms, and she falls into them, letting him tug her into a tight hug. He takes a deep, slightly-shaky breath, and she looks up at him curiously.

"Uh, I didn't get to say this last night because, well—but anyway, I sort of told Kagura about us."

Tohru's eyes widen a little bit in surprise. He brushes his fingertips over her cheekbone in an attempt to settle her back down.

"Well, I told her I'm seeing someone, anyway."

"What did she say?" she asks, pulling the comforter tighter around the two of them. He's not sure he wants to talk about it, not sure he really can, even. So Kyo buys himself a little time by taking the top of the blanket and pulling it over Tohru's head. She makes a pitiful noise of protest, but then giggles and works herself free of the blanket prison.

He holds his breath for a second before forcing out, "She, uh. She said she didn't think I'd ever fall in love again, after what happened with you."

Tohru sighs a little and looks away. "That would make me sad."

"Eh? What would?"

"If we didn't end up coming back into each other's lives like this, I'd want you to fall in love again. I'd want you to get married and have kids and have someone to grow old with."

He shakes his head. "You're putting way more thought into this than I did."

"O-oh, really?"

"Mm-hmm. I mean, I was kinda mad right after she said it. But now, it just makes me think about how lucky I am. In these last two years, I never stopped loving you. I never fell for someone else. So she's right, really. But it has a happy ending, yeah?"

For a second, Tohru doesn't say anything, just blinks at him. Actually made a little bit nervous by her lack of response, he leans forward and plants a kiss to her forehead. "Well...you are happy, right?" he whispers.

"Oh, yes, of course! I'm very happy."

"Good. So then we don't need to worry about the what if's."

She nods and snuggles closer. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He leaves a few lazy kisses up the side of her neck, and she shakes her head at him, mischievousness flashing in her eyes.

"You can't kiss my neck unless you want to go again."

He swallows hard, trying to resist the urge to stammar and backtrack out of the situation in a fit of awkwardness. Once he's gotten ahold of himself, he says, "Well, who says I don't, hm?" His voice feels deeper than normal, a little more gravelly. He knows exactly why, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a little unsettling. The hold Tohru has on him is tight; since she's come around, he can hardly even remember who he is without her next to him.

She's quiet for a moment before asking tightly, "Really?"

He laughs, but he can tell that his cheeks are burning crimson through it. "I mean, not if you don't want to..."

She clears her throat, then says with as much innocence as she can feign, "Who says I don't?"

"Pfft. You're such a tease." He pushes back her hair and lowers his lips to her neck again. "You like it," she whispers.

"I'd have to be crazy not to. Now c'mere."

She scoots closer and reaches out to him. She cups his face in her hands and kisses him. He doesn't think he'll ever get used to this—of the way she can make her breathless and tingly all over with something as simple as just a kiss or a few words.

He loves her. He always has. He's never going to stop.

He's in so deep.

At work the next day, she forgets to turn the ringer on her phone off. When she hears the familiar ping informing her she's gotten a text, she stiffens in surprise, face going red at all the annoyed glances her coworkers send her way. She fishes the device out of her bag and hides it beneath the edge of her desk to look at the screen.

Kyo, maybe? Please?

Isuzu.

Still a nice surprise, though in a very different way.

"Hey, can you meet up later? I want to talk to you."

That kicks Tohru's anxious-mind into gear. "Is everything alright?" she asks.

"Yeah. I just want to see my best friend."

Tohru smiles a little at that. Open affection from Isuzu is still rare, but that makes it all the more special when it does happen, she supposes. Though neither of them would ever admit it, Kyo and Isuzu are similar in a lot of ways, one of them being that they both hide their soft sides...and that Tohru can bring it out of them.

"Of course!"

"That coffee shop near your office when you get off?"

"Perfect!"

The coffee shop is right across the street from Tohru's work building, which is a little out of the way for Isuzu, but she always suggests they meet there anyway. It's become their spot. She claims that the coffee is really good. Tohru doesn't see how it's so different from any other coffee shop anywhere else, but she has to admit she's thankful she never has to go too far to see Isuzu after working all day. She leaves the office right on time, again dodging every one of her coworkers, and heads over there as quickly as possible. When she pushes the door open, she sees Isuzu immediately—she's getting all sorts of glances in the shop, people drawn in by her unique taste in clothing, like always. Isuzu looks toward the door, waving when she notices Tohru.

"Hey," she calls.

"Hi, Isuzu-san!"

Tohru sets her work bag down and hops up onto the stool next to Isuzu, who chuckles at how her feet dangle. Tohru shoots her a half-hearted glare. Isuzu smirks, but changes the subject. "How was work?"

"Oh, you know…" Tohru says, giving her head a little shake.

"What's up?"

"Nothing, really. I'm just, well…" She trails off, unsure of where to go that doesn't step into forbidden territory for the conversation, then decides to go with a half-truth. "I'm just trying to avoid Itsuki."

"Ew."

Tohru can't help but smile a little at the blatant disgust in Isuzu's voice. Everyone in Tohru's life despises Itsuki, but Rin in particular is very vocal about it; she's always been fiercely protective of Tohru, and this situation is no different. "Mm-hmm."

"Did he do something?"

Tohru hesitates. Unlike a lot of young women, Isuzu isn't cautious of men she doesn't know. She'd try to beat Itsuki up without hesitation if she knew what he'd done, and Tohru's not quite sure what would happen then—but she knows it couldn't possibly be good. Again, a partial truth will have to suffice.

"He tried to talk to me the other day. He said he wanted to apologize."

Rin groans. "Are you kidding? Did you let him?"

"No, of course not."

She doesn't mention the brief moment in which she'd felt weak, when she'd thought about how badly she'd wanted him to say those words for so long. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that she hadn't let herself get sucked into his orbit again.

"Who knows if that's even what he actually wanted?" she adds. She sighs, then changes the subject. "No uniform today. Did you not work?"

"I played hooky. I'm going fucking insane at that job."

"I'm sorry. You have a lot of experience now. You could probably find a new job."

The same thing could be said to Tohru herself, she knows. And it definitely was, back after everything first happened with Itsuki. Getting a new job seemed like a no-brainer to everyone who knew the situation, but that job had been the one constant left in her life.

It could be said again now, after Itsuki came after her the other night. But then...wouldn't it be like she lost something?—the metaphorical game of tug-of-war she and Itsuki have been playing since they broke up, the one in which they both compete for power over Tohru's life.

Like she'd thought earlier, it would make her stupid and a coward. She's an adult who can deal with this like an adult, after all.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly. "It's not my place to say that."

It's really not, and she knows that. If Isuzu wants a new job, she'll find a new job. She doesn't need Tohru nagging her.

Isuzu raises an eyebrow, likely knowing exactly what this is about, but she spares Tohru by changing the subject. "Listen, I wanted to say sorry for what happened at Shigure's...Haru told me I was a real ass."

"Hatsuharu-san said that?" she asks in surprise. It doesn't sound like him.

"Not exactly, but he made it pretty obvious."

"It's okay, really."

"No, it's not. I know how much it sucks to get Kagura dragged into your business, and I shouldn't have done that to you."

Tohru sighs and looks down at the menu the barista just pushed toward her. "It's fine. I owe Kagura anyway." She bites her tongue. That is absolutely not something she should have just said.

Isuzu snorts out a laugh, then takes a sip of her coffee. "What the hell could you possibly owe Kagura for?"

Good question—or at least, what could she possibly owe Kagura for that she could tell Isuzu about right now without totally blowing her cover?

She tries to think of a lie, but that's too hard on the spot, and she's never been a good liar anyway—especially not when it's just her and one other person, staring at her and waiting for her to say something, then analyzing every word. Also, everything that involves Kagura also involves Kyo somehow, she realizes.

"Uh...well, um. Remember that day she h-hit me? She helped convince me to confess to Kyo, after all, and that really made me a stronger person...no matter the bad outcome."

Isuzu hums. "You're weird, you know that?"

Tohru giggles a little. It worked; Isuzu didn't see through her. That's a miracle, really. Kyo can read Tohru better than anyone, of course, but Isuzu is someone else who has an uncanny ability to tell what she's thinking. Remembering that makes Tohru feel a little guilty, like she's betraying Isuzu. She changes the subject.

"How are things with you and Hatsuharu-san?"

"Good. Really good. He's as sweet as ever. I think he's going to propose soon, actually."

Tohru gasps. "Really?! That's so exciting! What makes you think that?"

"He's been asking me about what kind of rings I like, and stuff. And I guess it's exciting...but I'm also fucking terrified."

"But why?"

Isuzu sighs and looks down at her drink. Tohru follows her gaze, noticing the way her hands tighten around the mug as she starts to speak again. "I'm still sort of convinced that he's going to wake up and hate me one day. He deserves better. Someone less broken."

Tohru feels her throat tighten up.

He deserves better. Someone less broken.

How many times has she thought that about Kyo recently? The thought is always fleeting, beaten down almost instantly by reminding herself that she deserves a chance to start over, but it still comes up nonetheless. He deserves someone who isn't wracked with trauma—someone that doesn't get spooked easily because of a cheating ex, someone who isn't woken by nightmares, someone who is good and clean and wonderful. She's not exactly all that.

"Isuzu-san...you worked so hard to break a generational curse just to free Hatsuharu-san. You put yourself in danger with Akito, and worked yourself sick, all because you love him so much. You fought for your relationship. So you deserve it. You really, really do."

Isuzu looks at her sidelong. Tohru blushes under her stare, averting her gaze down to the bar so she doesn't have to make eye contact anymore.

"The same goes for you, Tohru."

Tohru's shoulders stiffen. What does that mean? "...What?"

"Oh, uh. It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

And maybe part of Tohru understands, but she doesn't want to. There's too much happening in her head already. So, having just been given Rin's permission to forget, she says simply, "Okay."

Chapter title from "Killer" by Phoebe Bridgers