TRIGGER WARNING: brief mention of suicide
The title is based off a quote from Roman Payne: "Mine was a world of rooftops and love songs."
He isn't sure when exactly he starts escaping to rooftops, but it's definitely when he was really little. Very quickly, it becomes a known part of his character. Whenever he's grumpy and has roof access, that's where he gravitates to immediately. "Such a catlike thing to do," people say. And really, it probably is the cat that makes high places so appealing, but he doesn't like to think about that—he prefers to try and ignore the cat spirit altogether and think that it's just a good place to get away from all the annoying as fuck people in the world.
When he moves into Shigure's house and sees that there's a ladder up to the roof, he takes full advantage. The ladder remains untouched in the same spot, day after day, making it easy for him. Sometimes, Kyo wonders if Shigure put it there just for him. Then he remembers that Shigure isn't nice.
Everyone in the house very quickly figures out that that's where he goes when he's brooding, which kind of defeats the point of it all, but they leave him alone for the most part. Except for Tohru. She eventually follows him up there every chance she gets, and it's both heartwarming and pain-inducing to Kyo. But he doesn't tell her to stop.
He isn't sure when exactly it starts to become their spot instead of his, but that doesn't really matter. It's as if it were always meant to be something they shared.
"I'm kind of afraid of heights," she bursts out one night.
They're sitting side by side, shoulders and arms and knees flush against the other person. Her touch burns—because he loves her, and he thinks she might love him, and none of that matters because there's so little time left. When he closes his eyes to go to sleep at night, he can visualize the metaphorical sand timer that is his life, and the sand at the top is dwindling at an incredible pace.
"Then why the hell do you come up to the roof?" It comes out harsher than Kyo had intended, and he bites his tongue, angry with himself for that. But really, what is she thinking? Does she just sit up here, calm on the outside but anxious on the inside night after night?
She's quiet for a second before saying, "Because you're here."
No no no. That's bad. He needs to start putting a distance between them. Maybe it'll hurt her less that way when he disappears.
But before he can stop himself, he says, "I don't have to sit up here, ya know. I can be wherever." When he glances over at her, her face is so red it's practically glowing iridescent, and he hates that he kind of loves that.
"Well...the view is really nice from up here."
"Yeah." He's never really considered the view as a reason for coming up here, but it's definitely a bonus.
"O-oh!" she shouts, and he jumps at the sudden volume change. "Do you...not want me to come up here?"
It's a bit late to be asking that, nearly three years after it started, but he doesn't point that out.
"Nah, it's fine. You can come."
Tohru sighs in apparent relief. "Oh, good. I never thought about it...that it might be a spot you just want to keep to yourself. That was thoughtless of me. I'm sorry."
Kyo shakes his head, half exasperated and half endeared. "You're something else."
She giggles and they go back to their comfortable silence. After a few minutes, she moves her hand and wraps her fingers around his beads, something he knows is often a sign that she wants his attention. He doesn't look at her because he thinks he can't bear it, not after how sweet she's been tonight and how broken it makes him feel.
"What's up?" he asks, eyes trained on the distant Tokyo skyline.
"Oh, well, nothing…"
He raises an eyebrow and allows himself a quick glance at her face. "C'mon, what is it?"
"Well, it's just...it's starting to rain a little."
He looks down at his sleeve, the white material now dotted with sprinkles of rainwater. "Oh. Yeah. I've had a headache all day. Guess that's why."
"Do you want to go inside?"
And he's not sure why exactly he says it, because now that she's mentioned it, he can feel the ache in his muscles, the drum-like throbbing behind his temple—but his immediate reaction is, "No. Not yet."
"Okay." She sounds a bit surprised, and probably rightfully so.
"Do you?" he asks. She's in a skirt and t-shirt, and he can imagine the rain is probably cold on her bare legs.
"No."
"Okay."
So he stays, and so does she.
After the curse breaks, they keep going up to the roof. They still sit side by side, shoulders and arms and knees flush against the other person. It still burns, but in a good way now. She leans over and nudges at his arm with her nose. He chuckles, picking it up and wrapping it around her like she wants.
Tohru sighs as she tucks herself neatly against his side. "Hey, Kyo-kun."
"Mmm?"
"Do you think we'll be able to do this at our new place?"
He snorts out a laugh, a little bitter-sounding. He'll miss doing this with her, but... "Probably not. It's not like we can put a ladder up the side of an apartment building."
"I know that," she says, puffing her cheeks out into a pout. Kyo turns and looks at her, then reaches a finger out and pokes at one of her cheeks. She tries (and fails) to keep the smile off her face at that. They've fallen into an easy routine of banter and affection, in a lot of ways the same as it was before, but completely different in even more ways.
"But some places have roof access, anyway. Like the school does," she continues.
"Yeah, but even that is weird."
"Why?"
"Most places don't do that because they don't want people jumpin' off."
"...Oh…"
"Yeah." He cringes, realizing just how grim he made the mood. "Anyway...we'll probably have to find another place to hang out. But we'll have the whole apartment to ourselves."
She nods. "Well...this is sort of where we fell in love. So, I'm still going to hope we can go to the roof."
Kyo chuckles. "You're always so optimistic."
"Not really." There's a touch of sadness behind that, and Kyo remembers all the times her faith has failed, the times her happiness has stuttered. For the thousandth time, he's reminded that there's more to Tohru Honda that meets the eye. He tightens his grip on her.
"I'll hope, too."
Kyo sets the last box down—oh so carefully, because he got scolded for breaking a couple dishes earlier—and sits on the floor next to it. He sighs and wipes the sweat from his forehead. It's not nearly as hot here as it is in Tokyo, probably a product of being so close to the ocean, but it's still July and that means that it's still uncomfortably humid.
"Hey, Tohru," he calls. No answer. "Tohru?" Nope.
He groans and pulls himself back up to his feet. He peeks around the corner into their bedroom, then into their bathroom, coming up empty-handed both times. Maybe she went back outside to say goodbye to Hatori? He'd been nice enough to drive boxes out here for them, and knowing Tohru, she'll thank him a thousand times before he finally gets to leave.
"Kyo-kun, Kyo-kun!"
He turns and heads back into the living room. "Where the hell'd you go?"
"It's a secret."
"Eh?"
"I found something!"
"You're not making any sense."
"Sorry." She shakes her head. "Just follow me."
He tilts his head to the side, feeling a bit skeptical. But then she grabs his hand and he follows her, because he thinks he probably always will.
Four flights of stairs later, they're standing on the rooftop of their apartment building. Kyo looks around, honestly a bit confused. "Huh. Did you just start going up random staircases until you found this?"
"Maybe," Tohru says, then cheers, "Roof access!"
He laughs lightly, then steps closer to the edge of the roof, looking out at the view. It's a little obstructed by a net put there to remedy the people jumping off problem, but he can see the ocean, an expanse of brilliant blue reflecting the late-afternoon sun's beams of light.
"Wow."
"Isn't it beautiful?" she asks, coming up next to him.
"Yeah, it really is. Good job."
She stands up on her tiptoes and kisses his cheek. "Dinner up here tonight?"
"Definitely."
They're both too tired to cook that night, and they don't have food in the apartment yet, anyway, so they go get take out from this little place down the street. When they get back home—home; that's weird to think about a place that isn't Shigure's—they grab a thick blanket and head for the roof. By the time they set up their little picnic, the sky's light is dwindling quickly, left only in watered-down pink and red and orange streaks. When the sun finally disappears, they can't see the ocean anymore, but they can hear it and smell it, and their eyes catch the blinking of a nearby lighthouse.
"This might even be better than Shigure's roof," Kyo says, holding noodles out to Tohru. She bites them off the edge of his chopsticks.
"Mm, those are good! And I agree. It's so nice being able to see the ocean...even though I know you're not too fond of water, Kyo-kun."
He rolls his eyes and takes the piece of chicken she offers him in return for the chow mein. Once he swallows, he points out, "Looking at it is very different from being in it."
Tohru laughs, and even years after hearing it for the first time, he still thinks it's the best sound in the world. And for just a little bit, he's the only one who gets to hear it, and who gets to make it happen.
"I love you," he reminds her. "Thank you for being here with me."
She leans over and kisses him, slow and sweet, and when she pulls back she whispers, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."
Kyo is exhausted. He feels a bit selfish escaping to the roof when he knows things are a thousand times worse for Tohru right now, but he left their bedroom window open a bit so he can hear if she or the baby wakes up. He rubs his eyes, pulls his knees up to his chest, and then rests his forehead on them.
"Dad?"
That's a voice that should not be up here. He snaps his head back up. "Hajime, what are you doing?!"
His seven year-old son is carefully pulling himself up onto the roof from the top rung of the ladder. When they moved into this house a few months ago, the first thing they did was put up a roof access point, but the kids aren't allowed anywhere near it. Kyo gets to his knees and scrambles over to help him.
"I wanted to see where you went. I'm not allowed up here, though."
"I know that," Kyo grumbles, but pulls his son onto his lap all the same. "I'm the one who made that rule, and for good reason."
"Wow, you can see the ocean from here!" Hajime cheers, and Kyo's irritation fades almost instantly. How can he be mad when his son is beaming in delight at such a simple thing? Kids really are amazing.
"Yeah. We're really high up, huh?"
Hajime nods, leaning forward to get a better look. Kyo tightens his grip so the little boy doesn't go toppling forward. "You didn't wake Mama and the baby up when you came up here, right?"
"Nope. She and Sissy are still sleeping."
"And your brother?"
"Nope."
"Good. Mama's really tired."
"Me too," Hajime complains. "Having a baby is hard."
Kyo chuckles. "You and I haven't done much together the past few weeks. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I get it."
Kyo kisses his son's cheek. Maybe it's just the exhaustion playing with his emotions, but he feels himself tear up. He got so blessed with an amazing wife, two beautiful sons, and now a beautiful daughter, too. Hajime is already so much like his mother—so kind and loving and pure-hearted—and it makes Kyo ache a little in the best way possible.
"But, Dad?"
Kyo clears his throat, not wanting Hajime to hear him sound teary. "Yeah?"
"Can I start coming up here with you more?"
Kyo smiles and tilts his head so he can see Hajime's face. His eyes are full of wonder as he gazes out at the dark ocean and the lighthouse there.
"Yeah, buddy," Kyo says. "Of course."
He isn't sure when exactly it starts to become his and Hajime's spot after that, but they end up there together every night.
A/N: Hope you liked this one! I'm...still not too sure how I feel about it lol.
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